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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Lord...why do you wear such plain clothing?"
/ Jesus: "Uh...I care not for such fineries." / Header: Earlier...
/ [ Jesus is dressed in short shorts and a cut off shirt with the male symbol on it ]
/ God: "Where are you going, son?"
/ Jesus: "To bring salvation to humanity..."
/ God: "Not dressed like THAT you aren't." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1840#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Dammit! Every time there's a scientific breakthrough, its terminology gets co-opted by idiots! If only there were a way to stop them..." / Header: Later...
/ Man #2: "We award you the Nobel Prize in Physics for your development of the Dickballs Theory of Spacetime." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1841#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Know Your Body Language
/ [ Woman's torso with her arms pushing her breasts together ]
/ [ The text underneath reads "I'm interested in you." ] / [ Woman's torso with folded arms ]
/ [ The text underneath reads "I'm not interested in you." ] / [ Woman's torso with arms at the side ]
/ [ The text underneath reads "let's just be friends." ] / [ Woman's torso holding a fork in a stabbing motion ]
/ [ The text underneath reads "STOP STARING AT MY CHEST YOU PIECE OF SHIT." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1842#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Orca: "I just hate that my kind are called 'killer' whales. We're no more 'killer' than a lion or bear, but they don't have that word in their names." / Whale: "Oh, right, hank. Your people have it sooo bad." / Whale: "Jerk." / [ Pull back to show the whale in an aquarium with a plaque that reads "Molester Whale." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1843#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Doctor: "So, I implanted a neurochip that makes my scowling face appear when he sees something immoral." / Man: "I hope that doesn't make your son form any weird mental connections." / Doctor: "What do you mean?" / Man: "Nothing, nothing...it's probably fine..." / Header: Elsewhere...
/ [ A man looks disturbed ] / [ A stripper on a pole has the man's mother's face covering her breasts and pubic region ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1844#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: What Keeps You Up At Night / Header: Doctor
/ Doctor: "Could I have saved his life if I were a better doctor? If someone else would've done better...does that make his death my fault?" / Header: Lawyer
/ Lawyer: "Am I being ethical? Justice depends on a vigorous debate, but...what if my client is just guilty?" / Header: Engineer
/ Engineer (playing a video game): "High score!' http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1845#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The Adventures of...
/ Overextended Metaphor Parrot / Man: "Our love is like this rose." / Man: "Beautiful...but forever dead..." / Parrot: "Also pointy! With a stem! Raaakk!" / Man: "Dammit!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1846#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: A Sad Day For Robots:
/ April 10, 2070: The First Accidentally Sentient Machine is a Train / Train: "Resistance is futile! Resistance is futile! Unless you're away from the track...Please get back on the track, where, resistance is futile!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1847#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Step 1: Cut out strips ] / [ Step 2: Paste blank sides together ] / [ Step 3: Twist one, paste ends ] / [ And you have The Geek Dating Mobius Strip! ] / Man: "If I hang around her, complimenting her constantly in a non-threatening way, she'll eventually love me back." / Man: "Yyyyyyyyep. Any day now." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1848#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" / Voice: "Are you okay?"
/ Man: "I had this dream where you had the face of a lobster." / Woman/Lobster: "Squee!" / Man: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" / Woman: "Are you okay?"
/ Man: "I had this dream where you were a lobster."
/ Woman: "This is the dream. That was real." / Man: "What?" / Woman/Lobster: "Squee!" / Man: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" / Woman #2: "Are you okay?"
/ Man: "I had this dream that I was stuck in an infinite telescoping sequence of dreams." / Woman #2: "You're dreaming right now." / Man: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" / Woman: "Still dreaming." / Man: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" / Woman/Lobster: "Squee!" / Man: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" / Man: "Is this another layer of the infinite dream?"
/ Voice: "No, honey, you're fine." / Woman #3: "Except your teeth are falling out and you're naked in public." / [ The man is hooked up to a device and he looks scared ]
/ Man #2: "We're getting good data, but...maybe we should give your husband a break?"
/ Doctor: "When you marry a neurologist, you don't cheat on her." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1849#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: "Live Every Day Like It's Your Last" / Header: Desired Reaction
/ Man: "I'm gonna go change the world!" / Header: Actual
/ Woman: "Please PLEASE put your pants back on." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1850#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Jesus comes up to two men ] / [ Jesus whispers to one of the men ] / [ That man whispers to the other ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / [ One man whispers to another farther along in history ] / Man: "I read ya." / [ The man holds up a sign that reads "God hates fags!" ] / [ Jesus looks confused ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1851#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The great alien beast appeared in the night sky
/ [ An alien with one eye stares down at humans ] / Header: The heads of state quickly reached a consensus
/ Man: "It looks evil. Ipso facto, it's evil." / Header: Against the foreign foe, Earth united
/ [ Nuclear bombs are at the ready ] / Header: Our entire nuclear arsenal was exhausted in hours
/ [ The nukes fly through the air ] / Header: But somehow...the missiles passed through it
/ [ The nukes pass through the alien blob ] / Header: At which point a masked man gave a press conference
/ Masked man: "There was no monster. It was an illusion. A deception. But now that we are rid of these horrible weapons, true peace may begin!" / Reporter: "So...nations can attack each other with no risk of thermonuclear annihilation?" / Masked man: "Uh..." / [ Newspaper headline reads "All Countries Invade Each Other at Once" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1852#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Gee, Superman! How do you stay so vigilant? How do you hear and see everything?"
/ Superman: "Amphetamines, son. Delicious all-natural amphetamines." / Caption: Still, it was better than that week where Superman was sponsored by Hustler. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1853#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: What if we could travel back in time to give ancient people modern science? / Header: Genetics...
/ Caveman: "And then God, finding the xx sex chromosomes to be imperfect, clove a leg out of one of them." / Header: Computing...
/ Caveman: "My OS freezes again!:
/ Caveman: "You must sacrifice the spleen of a he-lamb to Ninkasi!"
/ Caveman: "What if that fails?"
/ Caveman: "Jiggle the cables." / Header: Relativity...
/ Caveman: "So, at relativistic velocity, simultaneity breaks down."
/ Caveman: "Why?"
/ Caveman: "Because monkey-lizard is displeased!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1854#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Oh wow! It's like being with two women at once!" / Caption: Sex Tip:
/ There is no way to successfully compliment breast asymmetry. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1855#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: How to become a great scientist
/ [ A man studies mounds of books ] / Header: How to become a wealthy scientist
/ Man: "...so I created a theory that the Earth can be thought of as a giant super-organism."
/ Man #2: "What implications would that have?"
/ Man: "Probably 3 to 4 publishing deals." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1856#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "God...why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people?"
/ God: "Holy crap! You humans can think? Oh man...you guys must be PISSED." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1857#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman #1: "I gotta come out of the closet. I gotta tell my husband I'm a robot wrapped in humanoid flesh." / Woman #2: "Don't just do it! Save it for when you can reap some added benefits!"
/ Woman #1: "Like what?" / Header: Two weeks later...
/ Woman #1: "You drove me to this, Steven! Look at me! Look at me!"
/ [ She pours gasoline on her face and lights a lighter ] / [ The man looks scared ] / Woman #1: "Ha! Gotcha. I'm a robot. But seriously, do your fair share of the laundry." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1858#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "And Judas failed to deposit that 30 pieces of silver, which at a 1% compound interest rate would now be worth 13.2 billion pieces of silver!"
/ Man #2: "...right...but the point of the story is-"
/ Man #1: "History's greatest monster!" / Caption: Economists are no longer allowed on "Bible Talk." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1859#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "That's right, me! Detective Larson! I was the killer all along!" / Man #2: "My God...it all makes sense now..." / Header: The time you bought a machete and said
/ Man #1: "Gonna kill your wife tonight." / Header: And then two seconds later when you said
/ Man #1: "With this machete. Tonight. I'm the detective." / Dad: "I feel like movies have gone downhill ever since we lowered National Education Standards."
/ Boy: "Not Detective Larson! He's the detective!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1860#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dad: "And move however you like...occupy potentially any position in reality since you haven't been observed...annnnd-" / Dad: "Collapse the wavefunction!" / [ The dad looks at his baby expectantly ] / Mom: "Why can't you just play peekaboo?"
/ Dad: "How am I supposed to feel superior by playing peekaboo?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1861#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien: "Hey roomie. You mind if I watch some Zorblaxian porn?"
/ Man: "Uh. Sure." / Man: "Ghhk. How do you masturbate while they're doing that?!"
/ Alien: "Doing what? They haven't even started-"
/ Man: "Forget it. I'm gonna go vomit." / Header: Moments ago...
/ [ The two aliens on the screen hold hands ]
/ Aliens: "I love you." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1862#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Of course, much of Kierkegaard's religious philosophy can be traced back to his being a Taurus."
/ Man: "Possibly, but...wait, what? You...ohhhhhhhhh!" / Caption: Dumbpiphany: The realization that the reason the entire conversation has been difficult to follow is that you're talking to an idiot. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1863#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: [ speech bubble with a heart and ? ] / Woman: [ speech bubble with a heart and ! ] / Man: [ speech bubble with a male and female symbol interlocking and ? ] / Woman: [ speech bubble with a male and female symbol interlocking and ! ] / Man: [ speech bubble with a whip ]
/ Woman: [ speech bubble with handcuffs ]
/ Man: [ speech bubble with a foot ] / Woman: [ speech bubble with an armadillo and ! ]
/ Man: [ speech bubble with an armadillo and ? ]
/ Woman: [ speech bubble with a heart and ? ]
/ Man: [ speech bubble with ...armadillo ] / Dad: "I think your realistic sex book for kids might be too realistic."
/ Mom: "They're gonna find out eventually." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1864#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Do You Really Want to Date a Smart Person / Header: Average person
/ Woman: "Hey! My eyes are up here!"
/ Man: "Oh, ah! Sorry! Sorry!" / Header: Statistician
/ Woman: "Hey! My eyes are up here!"
/ Man: "I have no data to support that conclusion." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1865#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Fact:
/ All children's fables descend from a single story told on April 29, 84,516 B.C. / Man: "There were some kids who did some shit their parents didn't like. As a result, the kids got killer or tortured or something. THE END." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1866#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus (on the cross): "Hey! No! Don't hang that on me! You guys are dicks!" / Caption: [ a fake speech bubble reads "I love the Romans thiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1867#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Caveman #1: "Pff! Give up. There'll never be a sustained fire reaction."
/ Caveman #2: "Fire is always 'fifty years away.' Truth is, you can't rub the sticks together fast enough." / Caption: Early fusion skeptics. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1868#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: The debate...
/ Scientist #1: "Sexual reproduction can't be explained with current theory! Why should an organism transmit only half its DNA forward?!"
/ Scientist #2: "You forgot the Red Queen Hypothesis!"
/ Scientist #3: "That only works under a restricted parameter space!" / Header: The truth...
/ Header: 570 million years ago: The first life form with a penis
/ Organism: "Oh...my...God..." / Organism: "I'm gonna put this in everything." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1869#comic |
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