You're browsing the archives of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A meteor hurtles in space towards a planet ] / [ Aliens on the planet run in horror ] / [ The meteor hits the planet ] / [ A photon leaves the destroyed planet ] / [ The photon travels through space ] / [ The photon travels through space ] / [ The photon travels through space ] / [ The photon travels through space towards Earth ] / [ The photon hits Solar Array 7 and sends a signal ] / [ The signal goes into a house ] / [ A man sits watching "World's Inanest YouTube Videos" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1902#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "It's not meant to be taken literally!"
/ Man #1: "You're supposed to be inspired by the stories. That's all!"
/ Man #2: "Blasphemers! I'm surrounded by blasphemers!" / Caption: Stan believes in the literal truth of Hustler Magazine. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1903#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Well, he cracked Nazi code, helped create the computer, and has made contributions to logic, mathematics and chemistry, so, yeah. Don't fix what ain't broke." / [ The man walks away from the podium ] / [ Another man walks up to the podium ] / Man #2: "achem" / Man #2: "Gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." / Caption: Britain, 1952--
/ Respectively, the arguments opposed to and in favor of chemically castrating Alan Turing. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1904#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Jesus: "Oh cool! Are we making giant kites?"
/ [ As he sees two men walking up to him with a giant cross and nails ] / Caption: Of course, not every moment made its way into the gospels. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1905#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Well...when people get older, they sometimes think of their childhoods as the best part of their lives...and of adulthood as a steady downhill slope. I didn't want that for you." / Caption: Dad did an impressive job of explaining the abandonment. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1906#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Why are you molesting bunnies?!"
/ Man: "For science!" / Caption: Proof:
/ If Time Travel is possible, someone will stop me.
/ Nobody has stopped me.
/ Q.E.D. Time travel is impossible. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1907#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | The future will be different from the present to some degree at some point, and I have anecdotes and hearsay to prove it. / Caption: There. / Now you never have to watch an economics show again. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1908#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Ares: "Zeeeuuuus!"
/ Zeus: "What is it, Ares?" / Ares: "Athena cheated! We had a contest to see who could handpick the greatest army in history. I spent years, but she spent five minutes! I had vikings, cossacks, ninjas, askari..." / Zeus: "How'd they do?"
/ Ares: "Bloodbath! All dead in seconds."
/ Zeus: "How?" / Header: Earlier...
/ Athena: "My army is made entirely of unpromotable retail workers!" / Athena: "They fear no death!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1909#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Today...
/ Man (to genie): "I wish the penis was a muscle, so size would be proportional to the work you put in, instead of random." / Header: The next 100 years...
/ [ A graph with an x-axis labeled "time" and y-axis labeled "population" starts high, [plateaus, and then drops ] / Header: Some time in the middle...
/ Woman: "No! No going to the gym! It's already impossible for us to have sex!"
/ Man #2: "You clearly don't understand the point of a penis." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1910#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman #1: "Where do you think that fried chicken came from?"
/ Woman #2: "Well!" / Woman #2: "There's a giant chicken and a giant deep fryer and they're best friends and every day they hug so hard delicious fried chicken pops out!" / Woman #1: "Okay, nevermind. You are being logically self consistent."
/ Woman #2: "THankyou." / Header: Earlier...
/ Woman #2: 'Ugh. Fox hunting is a disgusting sport." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1911#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Nun: "Ipso facto any time you take out your weewee, pow! God gets poked right in the eye!" / Caption: Sister Claire had a unique take on the omnipresence of God. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1912#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Spaceships shoot lasers at large rocks ] / Rock: "Mister President! ...it has begun!" / [ The president looks out of the window ] / President: "We started this, Jim. Our ancestors prayed this day of reckoning would never come...tell them we surrender unconditionally." / Voice from the spaceship: "Captain! The asteroids wish to surrender! What shall I tell them?" / Figure: "Tell them..." / [ Reveal a brontosaurus and T-Rex ]
/ Brontosaurus: "It's too late." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1913#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: It's called "Polish Hand Magic" / One palm is worth 5.
/ [ A palm with the thumb out is 6 ]
/ [ A palm with thumb and fore finger out is 7 ]
/ [ A palm with thumb, fore finger, and middle finger is 8 ]
/ [ A palm with all the fingers but the pinky out is 9 ]
/ [ An open hand is 10 ] / Now, say you multiply 7x8.
/ [ A hand symbolizing 7 and one symbolizing 8 are shown ] / 2+3 fingers up = 5
/ 3x2 fingers down = 6
/ And there's the answer: 56 / Man: "I'm so powerful."
/ Text: It works for bigger or smaller numbers! Just imagine negative fingers and extra fingers. / Header: Is this you right now?
/ Man: "Why?!"
/ Text: See if you can figure it out before moving on. / Here's the proof:
/ 10[(x-5) + (y-5)]/10 times sum of up values + 1[(10-x) x (10-y)]/1 times product of down values
/ = 10x + 10y - 10x - 10y + x - y
/ = X x Y / Now that you've seen the proof, you know fully why it works. / Man: "But...why?" / [ =X x Y ] / Man; "Right, but WHY?" / [ = X x Y ] / Man: "But that's totally unsatisf--" / [ = X x Y ] / Caption: This is the worst thing about being human http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1914#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: ~2,000,000 A.D.
/ [ Men with large brains look at time capsule ] / [ When a button is pushed, the capsule reads "do not open until human behavior can be predicted perfectly as arising purely from physical phenomena ] / [ A pie comes out of the capsule and hits one of the men in the face ] / [ A piece of paper reads "didn't see that coming, did you, bitches?! Sincerely, the 21st century" ] / Header: ~2,000 A.D.
/ Woman: "How do you deal with the fear that the rise of technology may mean the end of humanity as we know it?"
/ Man: "Oh...this and that." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1915#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Today, we announce the discovery of immortality!" / Man #2: "Can people still be killed?"
/ Man: "...yes. Incidents and accidents are still poss-"
/ Man #2: "Won't that screw up the social fabric?" / Man: "How would it ever do that?" / Header: 500 years later...
/ Old Woman: "That's Grampa Jones. Drive-by shooting. There's Aunt Douglas. Fell off a bridge. Oh! There's Grampa Fulton! Internal bleeding after Grampa Jones shot back." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1916#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Are you making boob drawings on the chalkboard?!"
/ Man: "Uh...no! It's math! It's...ah! You see..." / Caption: A lucky break for John Venn. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1917#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman #1: "Pff. Someone must have a small penis."
/ Woman #2: "Hehe." / Man: "You know, women drive sports cars! Do THEY have small dicks?! Huh?! You think when I go to a dealership i show the salesman my penis so he can make suggestions? Huh?!" / Man: "Why is it okay for women to be sexist and objectify men, but the reverse is taboo! We love in a society of bullshit and double standards!" / [ The women look ashamed ] / Woman #1: "Are you yelling because you have a small pen-"
/ Man: "YES." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1918#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Scientists have questioned why, if there is extraterrestrial intelligence we have never received communication from them. Based on an experience many of we engineers had in high school, we propose the Earth has some as-yet-unidentified problem that must be removed." / Caption: Dr. Stern proposes the Oblivious Smelly Kid Hypothesis. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1919#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Professor Murphy?"
/ Old Man: "Hrm?"
/ [ The professor is sitting on a sidewalk holding a "homeless" sign ] / Man: "You spent four years lecturing me for not understanding all fifty zillion branches of literary theory." / Old Man: "So..."
/ Man: "So, let me help you out." / [ The old man now sits on the sidewalk with his sign that reads "post-structuralist" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1920#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Next year...
/ [ A newspaper headline reads "Society of Women Engineers Rejects New Discovery" ] / Header: Soon after...
/ Man: "We hijacked sperm as a nano-medicine delivery mechanism. The results are incredible!"
/ Woman: "I don't CARE about the results! I care about the CONSEQUENCES!" / Header: In between...
/ Woman #2: "So...any time a woman has a health problem, any man can reasonably recommend a-"
/ Man #2: "Sperm injection, yes." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1921#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Do not date a mathematician
/ Woman #1: "So, I dumped him."
/ Woman #2: "Your fiance? Why?"
/ Woman #1: "He demonstrated a poor understanding of probability." / Header: Earlier...
/ Woman #1: "Do you believe in soulmates?"
/ Man: "Yes!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1922#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "You will get on a plane and you will not be scared. Why? Because if you don't I will find you and f**k you up. I'll be under your bed. Outside your window. In the walls. Somewhere. Watching. I will f**k you up, Steven. I will f**k you up." / Caption: Psychology Pro Tip:
/ Any phobia can be transmuted into a fear of psychologists. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1923#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Normal person
/ Man: "You cannot put a value on the life of a child." / Header: Economist
/ Man #2: "You cannot put a value on the life of a child! You MUST include error bars of +/- 50 dollars!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1924#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I don't know which is the robot and which is real! Say something only my husband would know!" / Man: "You have REALLY bad ass acne." / Header: Later...
/ Woman: "Would you like another battery, honey?"
/ Man: "Affirmative." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1925#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | God: "YOu shall not eat of the Tree of Knowledge! If you do, I will find out, for it will give you knowledge of the funniest joke in the universe...it is too great for you to hold." / Man: "snrk" / Man: "That's what she said!" / [ The man and woman are now clothed and are walking away from the gate to Eden ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1926#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man #1: "Wanna have sex and play video games all day?"
/ Man #2: "Have we fully optimized sex?"
/ Man #1: "My equations say yes." / Caption:
/ Fact: There are gay engineers.
/ Fact: Their lives are better than yours. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1927#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Myth
/ Einstein: "My God...gravity is a curvature of spacetime. Spacetime curves. It's so beautiful." / Header: Reality
/ Einstein: "Booya losers! Guess whose science jsut grew ten inches!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1928#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Do not be alarmed! I am a time traveler from the future! From the strange world of 1892!" / Caption: I'm no longer allowed at the Renaissance Faire. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1929#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "We have DNA, nano-medicine, synthetic life..."
/ Man: "There's a hexagon on the North Pole of Saturn!" / Woman #2: "We have femto-chemistry, synthetic elements, acid that eats antyhing..."
/ Man: "There's a f**king hexagon on Saturn!" / Man #2: "We have particle accelerators, quantum teleportation, supersy-"
/ Man: "There is a motherf**king hexagon on motherf**king Saturn!" / Caption: Astronomers have a bit of an edge in "coolest science" arguments." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1930#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "No! I thought I destroyed you with masturbation!"
/ Shadowy Figure: "You did...but I've returned now, more powerful than ever! Hahahahahaha!" / Caption: "Damn you, spirit of loneliness!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1931#comic |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 >>