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| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man (to woman): "I think we're incompatible, but in the short term I'd rather not have an awkward breakup conversation." / Man (to boss): "I hate working for you, but in the short term, I'd like to afford a bigger TV." / Man (older now and to a plate of bacon): "I know you're killing me, but in the short term, I'd like to eat four pounds of bacon." / Man (older and to reflection): "I'd like to recognize that the longterm is made up of the short term, but that would require some mental restructuring." / Nurse: "Do you have any words for posterity?" / [ A tombstone reads, "Here lies Steve. "I'll get around to it." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2054#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Alien Blob: "Ugh, the universe's physics is too complicated. I'm gonna simplify some rules for out simulation." / More Humanoid Alien: "Ugh, the universe's physics is too complicated. I'm gonna simplify some rules for out simulation." / Humanoid Alien: "Ugh, the universe's physics is too complicated. I'm gonna simplify some rules for out simulation." / Man #1: "So, the universe is made entirely of tiny wobbly strings?"
/ Man #2: "Weird, right?" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2055#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Scientist: "I call it the Lorentz Fridge." / Scientist: "I put this plate of bacon in an accelerator, and boost it near light speed." / Scientist: "Two years later, I retrieve the bacon. Thanks to relativistic time contraction, the bacon has only aged one minute." / Scientist: "You'll notice it's still warm, yet crispy." / Man: "How much did this cost?"
/ Scientist: "Two tri...wait, are you from NSF?" / Man: "Yes." / Scientist: "You can't put a price on science!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2056#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Could I get a discount on this handjob? I only need the last ten seconds." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2057#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ Lucy holds a football for Charlie Brown to kick ] / [ Charlie Brown runs up to the ball ] / [ He kicks the ball really far ] / Charlie Brown: "My God..."
/ Lucy: "Yes. You kicked it." / Lucy: "You feel an overwhelming sense of power for your achievement."
/ Charlie brown: "Yes..." / Lucy: "Only, having accomplished the impossible, you now feel small tasks are unworthy of you." / Lucy: "It'll cloud your focus and poison your relationships. Worst of all, when you're a lonely old failure of a man, what'll haunt you the most...is that you wanted this." / Lucy: "You wanted your little bauble of success, which made it impossible for you to plant the seeds of future growth." / [ Charlie Brown stares out into space ] / Header: 60 years later... / Charlie brown (sitting in a corner alone and drinking): "Good grief!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2058#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "When you were 15, you could've stomached fried chicken with Oreo breading, but your parents wouldn't make it. By the time you can make it yourself, you can no longer stomach it!" / Caption: Professor Westover explains why he's an atheist. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2059#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Maybe I'm just a naive undergrad, but you know what none of you "genius" economists account for in your equations?! The fact that you're fucking over the poor!" / Woman #1: "My God...he's right."
/ Woman #2: "All these years...how could we..." / Man #2: "No, wait. Here it is. Page 862." / [ He points to an equation on the page ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2060#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Boy: "Hahahahahahahaha!" / Boy: "This entire time, I've had an unintentional erection! Thanks to my I.B.L.D., you've remained blissfully ignorant!" / Girl: "I.B.L.D.?"
/ Boy: "Improvised Boner Light Deflector!" / Girl: "So the fantasy novel you've been mashing in your crotch for the last five min-"
/ Boy: "I.B.L.D.!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2061#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Hahahahaha! You'll never get to me now!" / Caption: Summer isn't as fun since the ice cream man got a boat. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2062#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: We found an alternate universe with no maximum speed.
/ [ A scientist mans a machine ] / Header: This permits the existence of infinite speed whenever Xia's five-body configuration randomly occurs. / Scientist: "The sudden appearance of infinite energy creates a point mass so dense that the universe collapses." / Man: "Will you be writing a paper on the implications for human existence if there are multiple universes, some of which cannot sustain life?" / Scientist: "Does this look like the philosophy department to you?" / Header: Soon...
/ [ A journal article in "Modern Engineering" is titled "Prohibitively Expensive Trash-Compacting Method is 400X More Awesome Than Anything Currently in Use." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2063#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Isn't nature beautiful? The sunset, the sweet Savannah breeze, theHOLY SHIT!" / Caption:
/ [ A small green circle titled "portion of Nature that is actually beautiful" is a speck within a large brown circle titled "WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD A TIGER MOUNT A DEAD RHINO?" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2064#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Girl: "Dear God...please punch Bobby in the face." / Priest: "Susie! God doesn't do things like that."
/ Girl: "Sorry." / Girl: "Dear God, please pour boiling blood on Bobby's family." / Priest: "Much better!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2065#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "It's got a three phase AC synchronous split-phase induction motor with a modified turbo-encabulator." / Man: "It's got a...soft...nice-smelling outer surface designed for...snugness." / Caption: Male and female engineers rarely get together to talk about sex toys. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2066#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "I've always been a bit of a geek."
/ Woman: "No you haven't!" / Woman: "From the past, I summon 18 year-old you!" / Man: "...Hey. What are you reading these days?"
/ 18 year-old Man: "What? Nothing. I'm mostly playing video games and trying to be cool." / Man: "That's not me! It's a lie!" / Woman: "The lie is your notion of self! In another ten years I could summon the you of today, and you'd hate him!" / Woman: "You're a distant echo of your former self with a false sense of importance derived from an incorrect belief in an unbroken stream of consciousness!" / [ The woman screams in the man's face. ] / Man: "Wow. Dad was right." / Dad: "Son, never date a philosopher with a time machine." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2067#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: As Above, So Below / [ A triangle flow chart titled "The Military-Industrial Complex" shows Congress feeding into Defense Contractors, which feeds into Military, which feeds back into Congress explains that "The existence of a large defense industry increases the likelihood of war, which results in a larger defense industry." ] / [ Another triangle chart titled "The Masturbatory-Porndustrial Complex" shows the brain feeding into Porno Collection, which feeds into penis, which feeds back into the brain and explains that "The existence of a large porno collection increases the likelihood of masturbation which results in a larger porn collection." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2068#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Someday, brother, man will transfer his brain to machines.
/ [ A man's head is hooked up to myriad wires ] / Header: And we will travel the stars like great whales through the ocean of space.
/ [ A craft moves through space away from Earth ] / Header: And you may reach the edge of the universe where all is void and darkness reigns.
/ [ The craft reaches the edge of the universe ] / Header: But, no matter what you see or how long you live...
/ [ Close up of the craft ] / Header: I still caught you having Harry Potter cybersex on November 22, 2010 at 10:04
/ Man: "Just leave already!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2070#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ A graph with y-axis labeled "desirability" and x-axis labeled "penis length in in" has a peak at 10in at "what most women want," another peak a little past 10 inches at "what most men want," and a very large peak at 10^5 at "collapsible space elevator." ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2071#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Alchemists discovered transmutation.
/ Man: "By the power of aqua mirabilis, I transmute dirt into gold!" / Header: Economists ruined it...
/ Woman: "By the power of supply curves, I transmute your gold into who-gives-a-shit!" / Header: Politicians saved the day...
/ Man #2: "By the power of copyright law, I transmute your who-gives-a-shit into fiat money!" / Header: The stock market made things right again
/ Stock paper: "By the power of deflation, I transmute your fiat currency into DIRT!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2072#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "I'm scared. What if reality is just a big simulation?"
/ Man: "Why would that be scary?" / [ The woman looks worried ] / Woman: "What if we really ARE made in God's image?" / [ God's computer screen reads, "C://cosmos and porn. Free space: 2%" ]
/ God (thinking): "Crap. Gotta clear up some space. What to do..." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2073#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "The Romans used lead pipes. Medieval people poured poop out the window. People in the 20th century played with mercury. I wonder what we're doing wrong."
/ Man: "The only thing that's certain is that it'll be unexpected." / Caption:
/ 2110 A.D.
/ [ A newspaper header reads, "A Mother's Love: Nature's Deadliest Poison" ] http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2074#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | [ One newspaper header reads, "Will the World End in 6 Months?" A journal cover reads, "Was Darwin Wrong?" "Sci-Mag" cover reads "Is a Universal Cure Around the Corner?" ] / Caption:
/ New Rule for Science journalism:
/ If your article can be summarized as "No." don't write it. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2075#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Dear Lord, I'm a comedian. Please let me die in a humorous way." / Header: 50 years later
/ [ The old man lays in bed ] / Man: "Where's my son?' / Nurse: "He was flying in to see you before you died...but his plane crashed." / [ The man is about to cry ] / God: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2076#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: Sad Truth:
/ Just because someone agrees with you on one thing, it doesn't mean you're on the same side / Man: "I'm fine with gay people marrying."
/ Woman: "Me too!"
/ Man: "I mean, that's just more room in heaven for me." / Man #2: "Sexism hurts everyone."
/ Man #3: "Exactly!"
/ Man #2: "I mean, I'm a sexist, which means I can't get a girlfriend now, who's gonna do my laundry?" / Mom: "Bobby! Never EVER use the n-word."
/ Dad: "Never!"
/ Mom: "If you say it three times, a black person appears!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2077#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "What the..." / Woman: "Where are we?"
/ Man: "I don't-" / Old woman: "You have 30 minutes of oxygen. If you do not make me grandchildren in that time, you will suffocate!" / Man: "I can't do this while your mom watches!"
/ Woman: "You think I can?!" / Old Woman: "Twenty-nine minutes! Every breath makes the chamber of babies more poisonous!" / Man: "And now you know where babies come from, AND why Christmas at Grandma's is so awkward!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2078#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Dinosaur: "Oh, hi kids! I'm uncomfortable Truthasaurus!" / Dinosaur: "I understand that after school specials have lied to you about basic life facts." / Dinosaur: "So, before you enter high school. I want to correct some misconceptions you may have about how things work." / Dinosaur: "Misconception: Everyone has a special talent." / Dinosaur: "Truth: This guy who works all day has 17 special talents. This guy who think he's a genius is mainly good at misquoting Byron." / Dinosaur: "Misconception: Goofy-looking asocial people are smart." / Dinosaur: "Truth: 'Goofy-looking asocial' describes your average Renn Faire carnie; Feynman was attractive, gregarious, and a Nobel Laureate; height correlates with I.Q." / Dinosaur: "Misconception: Opposites attract OR like attracts like. Yeah, somehow you get both of these." / Dinosaur: "Truth: 95% of people want someone hot. 100% of people just want anyone with a higher social status." / Dinosaur: "Welp, that's all for now, kids! And, remember, romance is transactional, the destination is more important than the journey, and your actions sometimes reflect a subconscious bigotry you'll never admit to." / Caption: Uncomfortable Truthasaurus! http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2079#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Header: This is why people should learn statistics: / Woman: "I will NOT fly in a plane! They aren't safe from terrorists!" / Woman: "Hold on. I'll text you an article about it." http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2080#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Grandma: "WHY? Why, Billy?!"
/ Boy: "It wasn't me! I was making faces at her! That's all!" / Caption: Fact:
/ If you spend your whole life being good and kind, when you reach old age, just once, you can ruin an annoying child's life. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2081#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "Everything is in flux! Cells of our bodies are dying and being born right now! We're surrounded by constantly changing magnetic and electric fields and sounds and light we can't even see!" / Man: "I don't see how that applies." / Woman: "It doesn't, but it's neat!" / Header: Moments ago.
/ Woman (in bed with another man): "HONEY! It's not what it looks like!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2082#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Man: "Ugh. I got fired from my job at the pet store."
/ Man #2: "For what?"
/ Man: "A spoonerism."
/ Man #2: "What's that?" / Man: "It's when you switch the first letters of two words."
/ Man #2: "How can you get fired for that?" / Man: "Well, we have this puppy who's small, but tough...and we were showing him to this elderly woman, when..." / Man: "I meant CAPABLE RUNT! CAPABLE RUNT!" http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2083#comic |
| Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal | Woman: "God, could you make a stone so heavy, even you couldn't life it?"
/ God: "Hmm...let's see..." / Caption: Fun fact:
/ The universe always collapses for the same reason. http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2084#comic |
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