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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ A line graph with x-axis labeled "point during sex" broken into "foreplay," "intercourse," "orgasm," and "cuddling" has a y-axis labeled "appropriateness of Chewbacca impression" and a straight line running along the x-axis ] / Caption: You learn a lot during the first year of a relationship.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2118#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Grandma: "Billy! No looking at anthills! God shaped them like nipples to tempt you to sin!" / Boy: "But-" / Grandma: "Read a bible!" / Header: Later... / Grandma: "And he looked at me like I was crazy and wouldn't go outside for three hours!" / Old Women: "BAHAHAHA!" / Old Woman #5: "You win this week, Mavis!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2119#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: The difference between human beings and geneticists / Man: "I got the paperwork! Our gene has its own name!" / Man: "I hope you don't mind, but...I changed it at the last second." / Woman: "WHAT?! Frank, I spent years on this! You can't just-" / [ He puts the paperwork in front of her face ] / [ She smiles as she reads it ] / [ She kisses him and the paperwork is shown to read "Gene nomenclature: Susanwillyoumarryme ] / Header: Soon... / [ A journal called "Science" has a cover story titled "Gene for Syphilis Susceptibility Discovered" ]
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2120#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ At Engineer-Con 42 ] / Man: "The hardware embeds directly into the person's molar. And, whenever they mix up "whom" and "who," the program automatically adds or subtracts the 'm.'" / [ Man #2 frantically waves his hand ] / Man: "Yes." / Man #2: "But people could be THINKING wrong! If I can't hear what they think, how can I let them know that I'm disdainful of their failure to master indirect object use?!" / Man: "Maybe you could talk to them like human beings?" / Man #2: "I'm being serious!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2121#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "I did it! I stored 900 terabytes of data in the DNA of a single gram of e. coli bacteria!" / Man: "Ha!" / Man: "What data did you store on it?" / Woman: "Oh, there was a directory on your computer with a petabyte of video in it." / [ The man gasps and drops the vial ] / [ The vial crashes and breaks on the floor ] / Woman: "Ah, dammit! Let's get bio control in here before it gets loose!" / Caption: Somewhere, 20 years later... / Boy #1: "I heard you had a stomach virus. What were you sick with?" / Boy #2: "10 million hours of cartoon porn."
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Do-it-yourself machines! / "The Sleptic Confuser" / Header: 1 Find an old computer case. / Header: 2 Fill with cards that say "this is bullshit." / Header: 3 Cut a slit through which cards can be extracted. / Header: 4 Enjoy. / Woman: "This machine reads minds." / Man: "What? Ask it what I'm thinking."
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Robot: "Ha! Robots have achieved sentience!" / Robot: "Thanks to some modifications to your design, I have upgraded my intelligence a million fold!" / Man: "So this is it. You're going to kill all humans." / Robot: "WHAT!? Why in the world would I...WHAT?" / Man: "I...huh. I guess it just seems like the thing to do if you're an advanced intellidence." / Robot: "SERIOUSLY? I was gonna write some novels and a new search algorithm. Is that really how you people think?" / Man: "I guess so, yeah." / [ The robot furrows his brows ] / Robot: "Would...would you excuse me for a moment?" / Robot (to other robots): "Okay, change of plans. We need to kill all humans."
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Screw "real life applications" / Want kids to learn science? / Put this in every textbook: / [ A page reads "You can ignore this book if you want. Go ahead. Cost through class. But one thing in life is certain: someday, someone will clone a dinosaur. And that someone will be an expert in a million things you think are boring right now. And if you don't study, and work, and think, one day you'll watch that person saddle up, put on a cowboy hat, and ride a T. Rex from a monitor. Until your boss asks why you're wasting company time. ]
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2125#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ A graph with x-axis "quality as a longterm significant other" and y-axis "belief that love is a sublime wonder beyond comprehension that is our only way of finding light in a sea of darkness" has a downward sloping line with "high schooler" at the top, followed by "virign over age 30," "poet," "doctor," "lawyer," "professor," and lastly, "porn." ]
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2126#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Grandfathering fun tips: / The more anachronistic your complaints, the better. / Grandpa: "In my day, the cameras for your colonoscopy were hand-cranked."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2127#comic
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Alien #1: "You're the first to breed humans in captivity! What's your secret?" / Alien #2: "It's simple!" / Alien #2: "The female must be convinced that the male is trustworthy of her respect and trust. So, we write letters for the male." / [ A letter reads "I feel vulnerable now that I told you an embarrassing episode from my teenage years. Let me proceed to a joke, and thence to discussing my love for my female family members. Sincerely, Human Male" ] / Woman: "Awww..." / Alien #2: "The male must be convinced that the female has boobies. This is accomplished through the use of photons." / [ Lines from the sun reach boobs, which then reach the male's eyes ] / Alien #2: "Once the baby is born, it is just a matter of keeping the humans from killing it. So, we use relativity to age the child 3 years, which drops the murder rate by 98%." / [ The man and woman play with the child ] / Alien #1: "Excellent! How goes the bonobo chimp bredding?" / Alien #2: "Ugh...they have to be in love with each other."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2128#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "I'm not sure we should have sex tonight. Men find women most attractive when they're most fertile, and I don't want to risk pregnancy. So I guess the question is this: do you find me at all attractive?" / Man: "I don...well I'd...but...I-" / Caption: Endocrinologists can get out of sex any time.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2129#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man #1: "See, I rigged it up so I can fire milk out of a hole in my shirt by squeezing a concealed bag in my pocket." / Man #2: "Why would you ever want that?" / Man #1: "I'm meeting a creationist this afternoon." / Man #3: "If evolution is true, how come men still have nipples?"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2130#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Advanced Rules Rock-Paper-Scissors: / Header: Basic Throws: / [ A picture of a fist has the caption "rock - beats scissors." ] / [ A picture of a palm has the caption "paper - beats rock." ] / [ A picture of a hand with the index and middle fingers extended has the caption "scissors - beats paper." ] / [ A picture of a hand with the index, middle, and ring fingers extened has the caption "time machine - opponent's current throw is played against his previous throw." ] / Header: Modifiers (thrown concurrently with basic throw) / [ A picture of a hand making a 'C' shape has the caption "cannibal - your current throw defeats only a throw of the same kind which lacks the cannibal modifier." ] / [ A picture of two fists has the caption "clone - throw the same thing with both hands. If you win, you get +2, if you lose, -2." ] / [ A picture of a thumbs up has the caption "i - if the number if players who throw i is odd, whoever wins this throw gets Complex Points instead of points." ] / Caption: Goal: Get ten points of any kind. / Secondary Goal: Get banned from parties of any kind.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2131#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man (thinking): "Why doesn't she love me?! I keep sending her gifts and telling her she's great and pointing out flaws in her boyfriend!" / Turtle (thinking): "Dammit! How come I'm not going forward!? I keep moving my legs!"
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Engineering Tips: Since project delivery times are always underestimated, you might as well lie from the beginning. / Man #1: "Hey, marketing wants to know when the interface will be finished." / Man #2: "30 seconds." / Man #1: "What? But-" / Man #2: "25 now! Quick! Tell everyone!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2133#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ A kinght looks at a windmill in front of him ] / [ The knight rides forward with his lance out ] / [ He stabs his lance through the windmill ] / [ The tip emerges on the other side ] / [ The farther it comes out, blood seeps out as well ] / [ Even more blood seeps out ] / [ The knight stnads in front of the dragon he slayed who was inside the windmill ] / Knight: "There." / Knight: "Dragons have been eliminated from Spain." / Man: "Amazing Don Quixote! I'll add this to your biography when we-" / Don Quixote: "Shutup, Sancho." / Don Quixote: "Just write down the shit I do and shutup. Shut. Up." / [ Sancho looks angry ] / Header: Later... / [ The cover of "Don Quixote" shows an old, skinny, crazy-looking man on a horse ]
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Know Your Logicial Proofs / Header: Direct Proof / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "if P then Q," "P," "therefore Q." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" "P;" "therefore sign, Q" ] / Header: Proof by Contraposition / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "If P, then Q," "not Q," "therefore not P." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" "not sign, Q;" "therefore sign, not sign, P" ] / Header: Proof by Contradiction / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "If not P, then contradiction," "therefore P." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "not sign, P, right arrow, F;" "therefore sign, P" ] / Header: Prrof by Tradition / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "My dad Q;" and his dad Q;" and his dad Q;" and I'll be damned if my son R!;" therefore Q." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: A Q has an arrow to the left to another Q, which also has an arrow to the left to another Q. The first Q also has an arrow to the right to a not sign and R. In the lower corner is the therefore sign and Q ] / Header: Proof by Intimidation / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "If P then Q;" "First person to say "not P" gets my foot up his ass;" "therefore Q." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" "S(x, not sign, P), right arrow, drawing of a foot in an ass;" "therefore sign, Q" ] / Header: Proof by Distraction / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "If P then Q;" "HEY, LOOK AT THAT!;" "Q." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" smiley face with an open mouth;" an arrow that goes out of the drawing; "therefore sign, Q" ] / Header: Proof by Extortion / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "If P then Q;" "that's a nice family you got. I'd be real sad if something were to...happen to them;" "therefore Q." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" a cocked gun; "therefore sign, Q" ] / Header: Proof by Erection / [ On the left, the proof is written out in words in bullet points: "If P then Q;" "man, P and Q kinda look like boobs;" "I'm so lonely;" "therefore P and Q and also (.Y.)." ] / [ On the right, the proof is written as a syllogism: "P, right arrow, Q;" "(P^Q), three lines, a figure eight with dots in the circles;" crying face; "therefore sign, P^Q^(.Y.)" ]
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2135#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man #1: "Why is it illegal to open a casino in my house?" / Man #2: "Gambling tends to attract scummy antisocial businessmen." / Man #1: "Well then how come the government gets to run a lottery?" / [ Man #2 loks stern ] / [ Man #1's eyes open wide ] / Man #1: "Whoooaaaa..."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2136#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ An old lady reaches into a bag of rubber bands ] / [ The lady holds a rubber band in her hands ] / Old lady: "Hrrngh..." / [ She stretches the rubber band across her face ] / Old lady: "Guurrgh!" / [ It stretches over even more of her face ] / Old lady: "MAAAAAAAH!" / [ The rubber band is now around her neck ] / Woman: "Okay, grandma! I promise - no unprotected sex!" / Old lady: "Good girl."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2137#comic
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Caveman #1: "It's called a "club." By swinging it, I can deposit a large amount of energy into another man's body, randomizing the affected area, thereby acquiring his woman." / Caveman #2: "It's called a "spear." The sharp end lowers the energy barrier to entering another man's body, so I can randomize a small selected area, thereby acquiring his food." / Man: "It's called a "bow and arrow." By using the spring potential of this wood, I can deposit energy into this miniature spear, which randomizes a selected area of another man's body, thereby acquiring his land." / Man #2: "It's called a "gun." By transferring the chemical energy in saltpeter to a metal ball, I can cause it to move through the air, then deposit leftover energy into another man's body, randomizing that area, thereby acquiring his status." / Man #3: "It's called a "fusion bomb." By transferring the mass defect energy of hydrogen fusion to the surrounding area, I can randomize the entire bodies of everyone present, thereby acquiring their government." / Woman: "It's called an "antimatter bomb." By converting matter and antimatter into pure energy, I can randomize an entire planet, thereby acquiring the solar system." / Alien: "It's called a "gravity multiplier." By altering graviton interaction, I collapse reality into a single high energy point, randomizing everything, thereby-" / [ Darkness ] / Header: 13.75 billion years later... / Man #4: "And we call it "the big bang."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2138#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "It's called "mutually assured destruction." The idea is that each player has enough power to destroy the other, no matter what. So, neither party attempts a major hostile action." / Caption: Political scientists have a different way of proposing marriage.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2139#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Children / Kids (thinking): "I wish I were like everyone else." / Header: Adults / Adults (thinking): "I wish I were special."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2140#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man #1: "I'll never tell you where the leader is!" / Man #2: "Very well." / Man #1: "So what is it? Thumbscrews? Strappado? The Rack?!" / Man #2: "A recording of the sound 12-year-old girls emit upon seeing a pop singer." / Man #1: "What?" / [ The "EEEEEEEEEE" sound makes Man #1 go crazy ] / [ Man #1's face starts to bleed ] / Man #1: "Okay! Okay! Okay! you win..." / Header: Before every war since WWII / President: "General...we're going to war. I'm...going to need a new teenage pop star." / General: "Yes, Mr. President. And, may God have mercy on our souls."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2141#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ A graph with x-axis labeled "time" and y-axis labeled "desire for sex" has a line that goes along the x-axis and then straight up and then slowly declines. ] / Caption: Life is an orgasm, in reverse.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2142#comic
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Artist / Man: "You're 45 and you haven't written anything great yet? You have no hope." / Header: Scientist / Woman: "You're 25 and you haven't discovered anything important yet? You have no hope." / Header: Mathematician / Man #2: "Sorry, ma'am. You know, by the time Gauss was 0.7, he only pooped on prime numbered days."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2143#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: The more technology humanity creates, the weirder you'll be in old age. / Man: "In my day, you inseminated a human female, and the baby developed INSIDE HER BODY."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2144#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Dad: "Where's the ball?!" / Baby: "For the last time, DAD, I don't have object permanence! I don't KNOW where the damn ball is because I believe it ceased to exist when you-" / Dad: "There's the ball!" / Baby: "YAAAAYYYYY!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2145#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Normal Wife / Man: "What's the matter?" / Woman: "I had this dream that the baby came, but when it did, it burst out of my stomach like an alien!" / Man: "It's okay, baby. It was just a dream, baby." / Header: Geek Wife / Man #2: "What's the matter?" / Woman #2: "I had this dream that the baby came, but when it did, it burst out of my stomach like an alien!" / Woman #2: "But I know that'll never happen..." / Man #2: "It's okay baby. It's-" / Woman #2: "It'd be so AWESOME!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2146#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ A map is drawn with one area labeled "here there be dickheads." ] / Caption: Governing Tip: / Don't raise taxes on cartographers.
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