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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Son: Daddy, what'd you get me for Christmas?" / Dad: Son, come on now. You're better than that. Christmas isn't about gifts." / Dad: "Gifts are just a medium used to express feelings." / Dad: "Like this year, I got mommy's mommy a holiday emblem that isn't compatible with her religious views. It's not just a gift - it's a sign of contempt and an expression of the fact that I and mommy will run this family any damn however we damn well please." / Dad: "I also got my boss a sixty dollar gift certificate. I don't care if she enjoys it. I just want her to think I like her so she doesn't see me as a career threat until it's too late." / Dad: "Oh! And I'm getting you an expensive video game set, even though it'll hurt your grades. I want other kids to see it and tell their parents how wealthy I am, thus increasing my status in the community." / Dad: "Bobby, Christmas shouldn't be about materialism. It should be a bout status consciousness and money-shame." / [ The son looks distraught ] / Header: Later... / Son: "A fire truck. What do you want from me mother?" / Mom: "What did your father say to you?"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2620#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "Senator, what's your stance of gay marriage?" / Man: "It shouldn't be allowed. I mean...How do we explain that to our children?" / Woman: "Got it. So your code of ethics is to oppose things that are hard to explain to kids." / Man: "Well, I don't-" / Woman: "Nope, that's fine! Got it, thanks!" / [front page of a news website] / Headline: SENATOR OPPOSES GAY MARRIAGE. (Also war, foreplay, arithmetic)
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2622
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [man and woman stand next to each other in a giant blue dome] / Man: Personal injury case in sector 6.283T / Woman: On it. I can reach the surface within 2.4 hours. / Caption: What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the sea? Atlantis II. If you tell anyone, you die.
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2623
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Ethics gets weird when you try to account for future results / [man looks unhappy while he reads a piece of paper] / Paper: Lives saved by Batman = B. Therefore, lives saved the people who killed Batman's parents = (B - 2)
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2624
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: Sy you could step inside a hallucination machine where you would experience perfect please as long as you live. Would you do it? / [man looks angry] / Man: I would not. Because I want to experience reality, with all its ups and downs and comedies and tragedies. Better to try to glimpse the blinding light of truth than to dwell in the darkness. / Woman: Say the machine actually exists and I have on. / Man: Okay I'm in.
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2625
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [Graph. The y axis is labeled "creepiness", the x axis is labeled "Time spent staring at a woman's breast". The line starts at the bottom, and a point is labeled "acceptable". The line ascends quickly, and a point is labeled "uncomfortable". The lines rises more and then plateaus. A point on the plateau is labeled "you're a creep". The line starts to descend and a point is labeled "Sir? Sir, did you have a stroke?". The line continues to descend all the way to the bottom, and then is rockets to the top. Near the very top, a point is labeled "Holy shit a man died staring at my tits."]
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2626
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [woman stands in front of chalk board, holding a piece of chalk. Writing on the chalk board is "Teach the Controversy"] / Woman: A lot of people believe in evolution. Others believe we couldn't just come from random chance. Rather than pick sides, I'm gong to "Teach the Controversy" / Boy: "That's not how controversy is spelled." / Woman: "Yes it is." / [boy looks high and mighty] / Boy: "It's spelled C-O-N-N-T-R-U-H-V-E-R-S-E-Y." / Woman: "The dictionary says otherwise." / Boy: "Why would an "O" make un "UH" sound? If dictionary people are so smart, how come they haven't noticed?" / Woman: "I don't-" / Boy: "Plus, me and some other kids got together and decided it's probably spelled C-O-N-N-T-R-U-H-V-E-R-S-E-Y. So there's a consensus right there." / [Woman looks frustrated] / Woman: "FINE. Everyone, the people who the dictionarcy spell it C-O-N-T-R-O-V-E-R-S-Y, and Bobby and his "consensus" spell it C-O-N-N-T-R-U-H-V-E-R-S-E-Y." / [woman glares at boy] / [woman turns back to chalk board] / Woman: "Anyway, I'm going to teach the-" / Boy: "It's pronounced "tee-ack."" / Header: Later... / Boy's Mom: "How'd it go?" / Boy: "She kicked me out of class." / Boy's Mom: "Here's your ten dollars."
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2627
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [Woman comes running into room. People are sitting around a table.] / Woman: "Quick! I need a term that actually means something very small, but which people think means something large and significant!" / [Woman at podium] / Woman: "This policy represents a quantum leap in education reform!"
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2628
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Man: "We're prepared to offer double his most recent signing bonus." / Woman: "Double? His writing is 60% of your sales for the next ten years. I could get double from my FUCKING GRANDMA. TRY AGAIN." / Man: "Listen, we were the only ones who would publish him in the first place! Without us he has no career. I can do 250% and five more points on the back end, and my only demand is I NEVER HEAR YOUR BANSHEE VOICE AGAIN!" / Woman: "You better LOVE this voice because it's coming back for two more points after this deal, or WE WALK." / Man: "How about FUCK YOU. Do we have a deal or not?" / Woman: "Throw in 500 dollars from your personal account and we're done." / Man: "Done. Done, you wretched bitch." / [Man talking money out of his wallet] / Woman: "Pleasure doing business with you." / [a picture of a book. The title reads: "A critique of Commercialism]
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2629
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [Man looks sad] / Man (thinking): Should I spend another year in this job I hate...or should I take this new possibility with all the risk in entails. / Man: "What do you say, inner child?" / Inner child: "You should watch cartoons and eat a mountain of cookies." / Man: "Okay...what do you say, inner teenager?" / Inner Teenager: "Making tough decisions is for conformists, loser." / Man: "Uh huh...okay what do you say, inner young adult?" / Inner Young Adult: "I'm busting my ASS to get this law degree. Why the hell aren't you a millionaire yet?! JESUS." / Man: "What do you say, inner self?" / Inner self: "You're consulting imaginary parts of your psyche because you're afraid to admit you've already made the cowardly choice in your heart." / [man looks distraught] / [man is eating cookies and watching a super hero movie.]
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2630
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [Man and woman are dressed in victorian clothing] / Man: "Marie...before we go any further...I should tell you...I have bodily functions." / Woman: "What? But Charles-" / Man: "Some of them are pooping!" / Woman: "How many?!" / Man: "I don't know! At least one..." / Woman: "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU CHARLES! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" / header: Sometimes, I wish there had been victorian TV soap operas.
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2631
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [man in future like costume stands in a machine labeled "TIME"] / Man: "I want to see what future humans look like! Since only the fittest reproduce, I bet we'll all be musclebound supergeniuses." / Header: 10,000 years later... / Future Human: "We're basically the same, except 95% of us have a condom-breaking mechanism on our penises."
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2632
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [Man holds little boy hostage with a gun. A woman points a gun at the man] / Man: "Gimme the password or the boy dies!" / Woman: "I've implanted a chip in his brain that alters his perception of time." / Woman: "So, if a projectile breaks his skin at a kinetic energy that is likely to cause death, the chip activates and mentally simulates an entire lifetime of happiness for him!" / Man: "But it's not a real lifetime!" / Woman: "True, but because it's unreal, it will be a lifetime without woe or hardship. Without the need to kill or to live or dissect to discover. A life where truth and beauty are perfected and manifest everywhere. / Man: "Well...what if I kill you?! Gimme the password or I'll kill you!" / Woman: "I'm also chipped." / [man looks distraught] / Man: "Could I get one of those?" / [Woman shoots man in the head] / Boy: "You saved me! You're the best mommy ever!" / Woman: "I love you, Son. I love you so much." / Woman: "That's odd. He was right next to you when I shot him. Why aren't you covered in blood? Why aren't you crying?" / Boy: "Because I'm the happiest boy ever and you're the bet mommy, and nothing's wrong at all!" / [Woman has a look of a sudden realization, of total shock.]
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2633
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: Sociology is not perfect. / [a newspaper headline reads: "Human nature gleaned via survey study of six wealthy American college students"] / Header: But it merits investment. Climatology is also tough, but you like knowing the weather. / [woman reads a weather report on the computer that reads: "70% chance of rain - wear a warm jacket"] / Header: Imagine getting a sociology forecast / [woman, wearing spiked shoulder pads, looks at a computer screen that reads: "80% chance of dickheads - wear spikes"]
http://smbc-comics.com/?id=2634
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [ A boy walks down the street while whistling ] / [ He is about to be hit in the back by an arrow ] / [ When the arrow hits his, he grows pimples and wild yet sporadic facial hair ] / [ A cherubid man with wings smiles as he holds his quiver full of arrows. The banner in front of him reads "Pubid." ]
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2654#comic
 
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Boy: Rabbi, why is there something and not nothing?" / Rabbi: "We believe the universe was created at a certain point in time by a divine being called "God." / Boy: "So he made high speed asteroids?" / Rabbi: "Yes." / Boy: "And gamma ray bursts?" / Rabbi: "Yes." / Boy: "And made most of the universe a lifeless vacuum." / Rabbi: "Yes." / [ The boy looks sad. ] / Boy: "Why is there something and not nothing, and the something reealllly seems like it's trying to kill us?" / Rabbi: "Well, that one's a little harder."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2655#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Header: A "while loop" is a computing term that describes a loop that keeps cycling while a condition is met. / [ A chart shows an arrow that leads to a box labeled "condition." A line labeled "false" leads off screen, while a line labeled "true" leads to a box labeled "statement," which leads to an arrow back to "condition." ] / Header: They're useful for repeated operations. / [ A computer screen reads: / "loneliness = 1 / while loneliness < 14 / print "AAAAAAH!" / loneliness = loneliness + 1 / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH! / AAAAAAH!" / Header: They're also a good description of a lot of programmers. / Man: "Do you love me now?" / Woman: "I told you, NO!" / Man: "I'll be back tomorrow."
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2656#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "I had two men sexually interested in me, but I couldn't decide. So I fired a photon through a plate that randomly reflects or transmits light. If it reflected, the machine summoned the first man. If it transmitted, the second man was summoned. With the lights out, I had sex with the man who showed up, and did not observe which man it was." / Caption: The scientific community has not welcomed my "quantum threesome" concept.
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2657#comic
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Woman: "I'm sorry I'm never in the mood these days." / Man: "It's okay. I built this time machine so, any time I want, I can travel to that time you were really turned on." / Header: June 9, 2006 / Woman (running away from several different men that are all the Man from different times): "AAAH!"
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=15412comic

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