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On the polis The Athenian greek culture was the paragon of civilization. / Only the best of societies could produce a genius like Socrates. / Then kill him.
http://angriestricecooker.com/010206.htm
On subsets So Miller High Life claims to be "the champagne of beers?" / Well then, / I'm the waffle iron of rice cookers.
http://angriestricecooker.com/010306.htm
The Angriest Rice Cooker in the World - On the collective Collective nouns are ways of referring to a group of a specific thing or creature. / Historically these have been colorful phrases like "a murder of crows" or "a parliament of owls" / Very poetic. / But somebody is seriously going to have to explain to me "a stud of mares."
http://angriestricecooker.com/010406.htm
On what's in a name In 1990 a man in northern Idaho was arrested for masturbating in a truck stop bathroom stall. / This was later overturned on privacy grounds. But there's no way the court could undo the real damage: / The man's name was Limberhand.
http://angriestricecooker.com/010506.htm
On shaggy rice cookers A shaggy dog joke is a unique and intricate form of humor. It begins with an extended set-up, adds more and more details, pushing the audience's willingness to listen to its very maximum and beyond. / The humor works on the audience's expectations for stories, pushing them beyond patience and breaching...
http://angriestricecooker.com/010606.htm
 
On foolishness True words sound foolish; / foolish words sound true. / Tao Te Ching / Chapter 41 / <> / Huzzah!
http://angriestricecooker.com/010906.htm
On Beats <> / If you ask me, hate poetry is a terribly underdeveloped genre. / <>
http://angriestricecooker.com/011006.htm
On thru Drug stores seem to be the latest to get on the "drive-through" bandwagon. / <> / One happy meal, extra Prozac.
http://angriestricecooker.com/011106.htm
On comfort in the justice system When people are asked "Did you see a broken headlight?" after a film that showed no broken headlight, most people ightly say no. / Asked "Did you see the broken headlight?" they actually remember the nonexistent light.... / So, do you remember the million dollars you were going to send me?
http://angriestricecooker.com/011206.htm
The Angriest Rice Cooker in the World - On super, um, heroics? Spring Heeled Jack is a legendary figure from 19th-centuary Britain, a terrifying man in tight clothing showing tremendous athletic skill. / He terrified and assaulted a number of women, and was widely believed to be a wealthy aristocrat. / Batman sure has some explaining to do.
http://angriestricecooker.com/011306.htm
 
On holiday fun Since 1904, Virginia has celebrated Confederate generals Jackson and Lee on January 19th. / In 1983, when Congress voted January 19th Martin Luther King day, the civil rights leader shared a holiday with these icons of slavery. / In 2000, the governer recognized that this was ironic and leaped right...
http://angriestricecooker.com/011606.htm
On Karma problems In the cosmology of Mahayana Buddhism, one of the realms is known as the "hungry ghost realm". / *ahem* / Sounds like somebody could use a rice cooker.
http://angriestricecooker.com/011706.htm
On hope Every time a door closes, / a window opens. / Just to fuck with you.
http://angriestricecooker.com/011806.htm
On single standards During an argument online about gun registration, a man pointed out that cars kill more people than guns. / Gosh! / We should come up with some sort of system where people have to, like, register their cars.
http://angriestricecooker.com/011906.htm
On John Jay In 1794 John Jay signed a treaty that favoured Britain. Americans were often heard shouting "Damn John Jay!" / "Damn everyone that won't damn John Jay! Damn everyone that won't put lights in his window and sit up all night damning John Jay!" / Now that's fucking politics.
http://angriestricecooker.com/020306.htm
 
On ancient tradition Rice Cooker: According to ancient parliamentary tradition, the president is not allowed to enter the chamber of congress without an invitation. / Rice Cooker: [[silence]] / Rice Cooker: Like a vampire.
http://angriestricecooker.com/021006.htm
On odd namesakes St. Valentine is an obscure figure in history, and the name could refer to one of three martyrs. / "Valentine," in a sense, could be any old dead person. / Will you be my Valentine?
http://angriestricecooker.com/021306.htm
On nontraditional celebration St. Valentine's Day's romantic associations have nothing to do with St. Valentine, but rather come from it being the time when birds pair up. / At some point people decided to follow the avians' lead. / I guess we should be glad that people don't have a holiday for shitting on statues.
http://angriestricecooker.com/021406.htm
On the benefits of running Running is one of the best exercises people can do. / Because it involves hopping from foot to foot, it burns roughly twice as many net calories per mile as walking. / So when I say that all the races of man will flee before me....
http://angriestricecooker.com/021506.htm
On abstinence Many sexual abstinence advocates appeal to people's hypothetical future spouses. / They imagine being able to tell this person spouse "I loved you even before I met you." / Translation: "I would marry a lizard if it meant I could finally bone."
http://angriestricecooker.com/021606.htm
 
On team sports In college, the sport of competitive rowing is usually known as "crew." / A group of people who do "crew" is called a "team." / I guess I just don't understand sports.
http://angriestricecooker.com/021706.htm
On existentialism The existentialists of postwar France were not just philosophers and intellectuals, they were hugely popular figures. / Towering intellectuals like Sartre, Camus, and Simone de Beauvoir were near rock stars in their day. / And today we have the Wachowski Brothers.
http://angriestricecooker.com/022006.htm
On Bodyline In a 1930s cricket series, England used a dangerous tactic called "Bodyline" against Australia. / The furor over the tactic strained relations between the two nations until World War II. / That's a lot of fuss for a sport that takes tea breaks.
http://angriestricecooker.com/022106.htm
On Scouting Lord Baden-Powell started the first Boy Scout organization in Britain after his experiences with well-organized boys in the Boer War. / British Scouts used many symbols from India, while the later US Scouts appropriated American Indian lore. / So that white boys everywhere could drink the sweet nectar...
http://angriestricecooker.com/022206.htm
On winter sporting Curling is a sport that involves sliding stones across an ice rink, requiring a large degree of precision and strategy. / So much strategy, in fact, that the sport is known as "chess on ice." / Not to be confused with the musical skating extravaganza.
http://angriestricecooker.com/022406.htm
 
On Barbie The first Barbie doll was modeled after a German "Lilli" doll. / Though these sexily-proportioned German dolls were popular with children, they were originally targeted at adult men. / Shocking.
http://angriestricecooker.com/022706.htm
On icons A study found that more US adults knew more than one character from "The Simpsons" than knew more than freedom in the First Amendment. / Gasp! / Cartoon characters are more iconic than legal documents?!
http://angriestricecooker.com/022806.htm
On Viking stereotypes Today, Vikings are imagined as wild, unclean brutes. / However, Vikings in England were actually known as weirdly, excessively clean by their Anglo-Saxon neighbors. / They took baths weekly!
http://angriestricecooker.com/030106.htm
On pursuits In Alexander Pope's mock-epic "The Rape of the Lock" he declares, "What mighty contests rise from trivial things!" / The quote targeted the comically minor concerns of the aristocracy, but was appropirated for the box of "Trivial Pursuit". / Metatrivia!
http://angriestricecooker.com/030206.htm
On coincidence In US schoosl, students whose home language isn't English are put in programs designed to move them into English to the detriment of their home language. / US intelligence agencies are suffering a crippling lack of translators. / Well, no possible connection there.
http://angriestricecooker.com/030306.htm
 

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