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Registered Weapon The Beginning [[Interrogation room]] / Frank Gorman: We've scraped your DNA off the victim. We got a witness saw your shitty Kia Rio rattling from the scene. / Frank Gorman: Your own girlfriend said you planned to kill him. So no doubt about it, you're gonna fry. / Frank Gorman: But I want you to tell me what I already...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse [[Frank's car speeds through the streets of Los Angeles]] / FELIX: This is so cool! Our first case! / Frank Gorman: Let's get one thing straight: there's no "our." / Frank Gorman: My thousandth case. Your first--and last--ride-along. / FELIX: Come on! We're going to solve a crime! Get excited! / Frank...
Registered Weapon The Beginning: Episode 2 Caption: Petty Crimes Division / FELIX: How long were your groceries unattended, ma'am? / Marlene: Am I talkin' to a cash register? / FELIX: In a former life, yes, I was a cash register. / Marlene: Am I high right now? Sometimes I forget. / <> / FELIX: No, ma'am. I'm the officer assigned to your...
Registered Weapon The Beginning: Episode 3 [[Lt. Rotunda Love's office]] / Rotunda Love: What the hell am I going to do with you, Gorman? / Rotunda Love: Seventeen charges of police brutality in the last week alone. / Frank Gorman: Hey, new record. / Rotunda Love: And now I got the ASPCA crawling up my ass 'cause you threatened to eat a cat? / Frank...
Registered Weapon The Beginning: Episode 4 [[Lt. Rotunda Love's office]] / Rotunda Love: The secret is keeping your eyes closed all the time. I'm up to 22 hours a day. / Rotunda Love: All so I'm ready to glare down a jackass who thinks he's too good for a new partner. / Frank Gorman: New partner? / Frank Gorman: Nice bluff, Lieu, but I've seen...
 
Registered Weapon The Beginning: Episode 5 [[Lt. Rotunda Love's office]] / FELIX: You wanted to see me, sir? / Rotunda Love: That's right, officer. This department has finally decided to put the taxpayers' investment to use. / FELIX: You mean--? / Frank Gorman: That you, Harvey? I told you that cancer kazoo freaks me out. / Frank Gorman: Get a pen...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 2 [[Frank's car]] / FELIX: You don't have to like me but you will respect--hey! / <> / Frank Gorman: Ooh, look at all the state-of-the-art RoboCop parts. / FELIX: How would you like it if I dug around in all your private stuff? / Frank Gorman: Do your worst, WALL-E. / FELIX: Fine! / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCAN...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 3 [[Frank's car]] / Frank Gorman: You missed one little detail with your spyware. / FELIX: My observational analysis. / Frank Gorman: Whatever. Maybe you should x-ray my right arm. / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCANNING...]] / [[SCAN COMPLETE]] / [[Frank's tattoo:...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 4 [[Street - outside crime scene]] / Frank Gorman: !@#$! / Frank Gorman: Goddamn...no parking in this town.. / Frank Gorman: Need to incarcerate more people... / FELIX: There's a spot three blocks north. / Frank Gorman: Screw that. / FELIX: You can't double-park! / Frank Gorman: The hell I can't. This is...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 5 [[Street - outside crime scene]] / [[FELIX attempts to buff out dent on Smart Car]] / FELIX: Just give me a second to buff out this dent. / [[Frank picks up FELIX]] / FELIX: Hey! / Frank Gorman: Listen up, Johnny Five. You can finger-bang this thing on your own time. / Frank Gorman: Like say tomorrow,...
 
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 6 [[Playground - crime scene]] / Frank Gorman: Officer, what've you got for us? / Kirsten Sienega: Hey, Frank. And this must be... / Frank Gorman: What R2-D2 squirted out nine months after that night in the escape pod with C-3PO. / Kirsten Sienega: Actually, I was on the officers' committe that recommended...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 7 [[Playground - crime scene]] / [[Frank looks at the handless, footless, headless body]] / Frank Gorman: You really got to hand it to whoever did this. It's quite a feat. / [[FELIX and Kirsten roll their eyes]] / Frank Gorman: What? / Frank Gorman: What? / Kirsten Sienega: Nothing. / FELIX: That was...hilarious....
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 8 [[Playground - crime scene]] / Frank Gorman: Do we have an ID on the vic? / Kirsten Sienega: No wallet on him. No fingerprints, obviously. Or dental records. / Frank Gorman: Anything from the looky-loos? / Kirsten Sienega: We're doing interviews, but... / Frank Gorman: Nobody saw nothin'. Why am I not...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 9 [[Playground - crime scene]] / FELIX: Check this out. / Frank Gorman: What? Diddums find a clue? Did Professor Plum tell you where he hid the candlestick? Were the smugglers using a secret tunnel behind the bookcase? / Frank Gorman: This ain't a game, Joe Hardy. Now watch a real detective at work. / FELIX:...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 10 Frank Gorman: How did you figure out the victim's name? / FELIX: See that needle mark on his arm? / Frank Gorman: No. / FELIX: It's from giving blood. A quick blood test identified him as AB-negative, and from there it was a simple matter to cross-reference with the local blood bank records. / Frank...
 
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 11 [[Playground - crime scene]] / Frank Gorman: Stanley Brookmeyer? Are you just making up names now? / [[FELIX points to a footprint with an elephant logo]] / FELIX: This design is the signature of graffiti artist Troy Hockelman, who designed a limited-edition sneaker for the Sole Power store in Silver...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 12 [[Street next to playground/crime scene]] / FELIX: We have to hurry, Frank! Brookmeyer is booked on a flight to Mexico in thirty minutes. / Frank Gorman: Just settle down, okay? / Frank Gorman: When you get all excited like that it's like watching a toaster that has to take a piss. / Dr. Johannes Elvis:...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 13 [[Street outside playground - crime scene]] / Dr. Johannes Elvis: This is an outrage, sir! You and your pleasurebot have damaged my conveyance, and I demand restitution, Officer-- / Frank Gorman: Detective. Detective Frank Gorman. / Dr. Johannes Elvis: Very well, Detective Gorman. I am Dr. Johannes...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 14 [[Outside playground/crime scene - cars]] / Dr. Johannes Elvis: So if Gorton's makes fish sticks, then what does Gorman's make? / Frank Gorman: I don't know. Nothing. / Frank Gorman: See ya later, idiot! / Frank Gorman: Ooh, I just thought of something. Say what you said again. / Dr. Johannes Elvis:...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 15 [[Outside playground/crime scene - cars]] / Dr. Johannes Elvis: You are going to pay me... / Frank Gorman: A compliment. Nice goggles. Gotta go. Police emergency. / Dr. Johannes Elvis: You shall rue the day you crossed Dr. Elvis, Detective Fishstick! You and your little pet robot! Rue the day! / [[Frank's...
 
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 16 [[Frank's car on the 405]] / [[Frank and FELIX are stuck behind a truck with two camels in the back]] / Frank Gorman: Do me a favor and look up how many consecutive horn honks allow for use of lethal force. / FELIX: Most reasonable drivers would've anticipated traffic on the 405, Detective Fishstick. / Frank...
Registered Weapon Joseph Alphonse: Episode 17 [[LAX - Los Angeles International Airport]] / FELIX: The plane's taxiing for take-off! / Frank Gorman: Faster! Faster! / [[The camel gives Frank a look]] / Frank Gorman: What? What are you gonna do? I put six slugs in that death merchant Joe Camel, so don't think I'll hesitate to do the same to you. All...

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