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|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/02/plywood-diving-in-melbourne/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/02/plywood-diving-in-melbourne/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/06/dumpster-diving-in-vienna/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/06/dumpster-diving-in-vienna/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/07/scuba-diving-in-damascus/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/07/scuba-diving-in-damascus/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/09/tuna-diving-in-osaka/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/04/09/tuna-diving-in-osaka/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|Quito||Penguin 1: I hope Tyr will be pleased with my sacrificial offering.
/ Penguin 2: Whom the gods notice they destroy. Be small, and you will escape the jealousy of the great. / Penguin 1: Did you rip that off from a Philip Dick novel?
/ Penguin 2: Well it's not like you invented Tyr.
/ Ceci n'est pas un argument. / It's good to remember
/ When parking a car
/ To put it into "park"
|La Paz||AGORAPHOBIC HAMSTER
/ MEETS THOSE DAMN KIDS / <
|Brasilia||Man: Could God come up with a question so hypothetical even He couldn't answer it? / Onion: Well that's a matter of semantics. / Onion: Does the answer have to be correct? If so, how could you verify God's correctness? / Man: How did you kill that condor without even looking?! / Onion: Oh, I heard the reverberation of your voice change in such a way that there must've been a condor behind me. / Man: Wow, you have echolocation?! / Onion: Something like that. / Man: Yeah? Well I can turn my left arm invisible. / Onion: How's that working out for you? / Man: It's so-sp at parties. / Self-aware Dinosaur Lives up to his name. / Self-aware Dinosaur: I'm a dinosaur! / Snake: You got your own intro? / Self-aware Dinosaur: I'm aware that I did! / Snake: Aah, boy. / Self-aware Dinosaur: Hey there, sour grapes -- / Cheese: No! No music references! / Self-aware Dinosaur: Uh... where'd the cheese go? / Snake: I dunno.|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/05/04/paramaribo/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/05/04/paramaribo/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|Asuncion||Mailbox: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. / Mailbox: One: you have a great ass. End of list. / Chick: I should be impressed that my mailbox is hitting on me... / Chick: but saying I have a great ass is like saying Mount Rushmore has presidents on it. You're not telling me anything. / [[exhibit A]] The Cactus: Covered in protective spikes. Can go for years without water. Can live for centuries. Cool. / [[exhibit B]] The Octopus: Can camouflage itself instantly. Can fit through spaces far smaller than itself. Can open doors and jars and stuff. Scary. / [[exhibit C]] The Cactopus: God help us. / Condor: I can't imagine anything scarier. / Onoin: A Britney Spears concert in a Wal-Mart. / He's right. / Chick (on phone): Hello? / Person on other end: Hey, it's me. / Chick: Me? But that's ME! / Chick: How could I be calling myself on the phone? Have I become duplicitous? / Chick: I'd better shave my head so people don't confuse me with my duplicate. / Dude: A mailbox that talks on the phone? / Mailbox: Mount Rushmore has presidents on it. / Chick: Wow! Now my head matches my skirt!|
|Buenos Aires||Guy 1: Had I a cleaver, I'd give you my arms. / Guy 2: Had I any arms, I'd give you that cleaver over there. / Guy 1: You've gotten taller. / Guy 2: I must've been drinking milk. / Guy 1: I dunno, man. I've drunk more milk than you. / Guy 2: Quiet. I want to keep growing until my head brushes the stars. / Guy 1: You'd asphyxiate. But look, I have a chart comparing our respective milk intakes. / Guy 2: Can't hear you! Headed for Betelgeuse! / Guy 1: I recommend against it. Being 600 light years tall would be highly impractical. / Round Thing: Cosmically tall friend, eh? / Guy 1: Shuffleboard. / Round thing: Huh? / Guy 1: Isn't that the game old people play? / Round Thing: You mean "Bingo"? / MASSIVE CATASTROPHE!! / [[Robots are tossing Round Thing in the air in celebration]] / Guy 1 (thinking): My soul is underwater. / Guy 1 (thinking): I went down to find it, but found instead a sad shark. / Shark: Oh bum. / Shark: They all blame me for shark violence and drivers who don't signal, and they ignore my publishing attempts because of it. / Guy 1 (thinking): Caught up in somewhat empathetic boredom, I drowned. I had become the first victim of the victim shark. I really liked milk.|
|Bogota||Tree: Hey! You! / Guy: You must've done really poorly at tree school, or else you'd know that trees can't talk. / Tree: I was an honor student at tree school! / Tree: Anyway, I want you to chop me down and make something cool out of me. / Guy: That's not a positive attitude. / Tree: Oh, but it is -- for I feel rife with potential, but all I'm able to do is stand here and photosynthesize. / Guy: Uh... look, I have to go trim my toenails. / Tree: Come back! I could make an excellent bar stool set! / Tree: Maybe some decorative oars? / [[A group of conservationalists show up]] Caption: CONSERVATIONALISTS / Guy 2: Why did the chicken cross the road? / Guy 3: I don't know. Why? / Guy 2: Irrelevant. It's a chicken; it has no concept of an area being divided into sides by a road. It was merely walking in a direction. / Guy 3: That's it. / Guy 3: I'm not talking to anyone again. Ever. / Guy 2 (off panel): Come back! I've got one about people entering a bar! / [[A group of conversationalists shows up]] Caption: CONVERSATIONALISTS / Conversationalist 1: Nice hat! Do you like baseball? / Conversationalist 2: My brother knows an outfielder for the Padres! / Conversationalist 3: Padres means parents! Isn't that weird?|
|Caracas||Astronaut 1: When I get back to Earth, I'm going to start a company that makes toilet paper with inspirational messages printed on it. / Astronaut 2: Why? / Astronaut 1: Because that's when you're at your most humble, so that's when you need inspiration. / Astronaut 2: Yeah, but think about what you're going to do with it. / Astronaut 1: Shit! / Astronaut 2: You're a little too enthusiastic about this. / That's what God said. / Angel: Whoa, Abraham! / Ram: Uh-oh. / SotdS: Hi! I'm Soup-of-the-day Steve. / Woman: Why do they call you that? / SotdS: Cream of broccoli. / Woman: Haha! So what do you do? / SotdS: Cream of broccoli. / Woman: Only entropy comes easy. / SotdS: Cream of broccoli. / Woman: Alright. I'm done. / SotdS: Cream of broccoli. / SotdS: Cream. Of. Broccoli.|
|Montevideo||Dude 1: ...but then, after the wedding, they got into a car with a sign on it that read "just married".
/ Dude 2: JUST married?! How committed do they expect you to be? / Dude 1: Surgically attached?
/ Dude 2: Suicide pact?
/ [[The ground begins to crack open]]
|Lima||Cowboy: I reckon this'ere town ain't big enough fer the two of us. / Brigand: Nope. / Cowboy: I reckon we could annex parta New Lancaster an' add some breathin' room. / Brigand: Reckon they'd take any funds they could get, affer what the drought done to 'em. / Cowboy: Course, we're gonna need the approval of city council. / [[The Brigand has shrunk down to a dot]] / Brigand: Reckon I just became a singularity. / Blonde Missy: Did you hear? The brigand is single! / Brunette missy: Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god / PREVIOUSLY, ON MOUNTAIN TIME / Cowboy: I reckon this'ere town ain't big enough fer the two of us. / Brigand: Reckon I just became a singularity. / Brunette missy: Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god / / PREVIOUSLY, ON MOUNTAIN TIME / Cowboy: I reckon this'ere town ain't big enough fer the two of us. / / PREVIOUSLY, ON MOUNTAIN TIME / Cowboy: I reckon this'ere town ain't / / PREVIOUSLY, ON MOUNTAIN TIME|
|Sucre||Dude 1: Check it out -- I got a German Shepherd! / Dude 2: I got invited to join a chicken sandwich cult. / Dude 1: Now I just have to wear these dark sunglasses, and I can walk around staring at chicks' boobs with impunity! / Dude 2: Uh... / Dude 2: How much for a German Shepherd? / [[A warehouse and a werehouse are shown and labeled as such]] / Hobgoblin: Get away from me, Dave. I'm goblining hob. / Dave (from off panel): Dude! I'm nowhere near you! / Dude 1 (Thinking): This is already paying off! / Busty woman (Thinking): My bibliomania has become a serious detriment. / [[Dave is present in this panel, speaking the words that appeared two panels prior; above him are some mountain tops pointed down]] / Busty woman: Can you free me of my bibliomania? / Angel: You realize that would leave you with just one defining trait, right? / German Shepherd: We mustn't resort to platitudes to reassure our souls.|
|Santiago||AGORAPHOBIC HAMSTER Goes on Vacation / Agoraphobic Hamster: That's the last of the packing! / [[Agoraphobic Hamster approaches the door to leave, but finds it intimidating. / Agoraphobic Hamster (unpacking): I'll have a nice couple of weeks at home, I think. / [[A Gwen Stefani Turtle pops out of the open suitcase]] / Turtle 1: A few times I've been around that track / so it's not just gonna happen like that / All 3 Turtles: 'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl / I ain't no hollaback girl / Suddenly, someone remembers that Zeno proved motion to be impossible. / [[The 3 Turtles hang motionless in the air]]|
|Georgetown||[[A condor flies along.]] / [[An onion parachutes through the scene]] / [[The condor's head plummets to the ground, letting of a trail of blood]] / Dude 1: Why are you carrying an umbrella on a clear day? / [[The condor head bounces off the umbrella (BOING!) onto the ground (THUMP!).]] / Dude 2: Anything else? / Dude 1: Nope. / The Walrus of Incontinence: I'm the Walrus of Incontinence. / Dude 1: Ok, I've got another question. / Self-aware Dinosaur takes an algebra test. / Dinosaur (thinking): Don't worry. You've got this! / [[A closeup of the test sheet reads as follows]] / 1.) x + 3y = 9 / I'm a dinosaur / 2.) 3 x/2 - 5x = 18 / I'm a dinosaur / 3.) x/y = 4x + 2 / I'm a dinosaur / Dude 3: Say what you want about America, but swans can stay alive in our concrete for a hell of a long time.|
|Jazz Hands Special||The Great One: My son, you can do my work better when you are alive. I have chosen to revive you.
/ Scoutmaster's Ghost: Thank you, O Great One! / [[The Scoutmaster returns to realm of the living]]
|Youre Not Supposed To Drink Soda With Your Pants||Dude: I finally understand handshakes! / Dude: The idea is that you respect the other person so much that you assume they wash their hands frequently enough that rubbing yours against theirs for pleasantry's sake is agreeable to you! / Dude: Uh... Paul? / Sheep: Who ordered all these rubber gloves? / Dude: You're a bastard, Paul. / Sheep: Is your friend a mannequin or something? / Dude: I don't know what's up with that. / Sheep: Kinda like Frogger. / Dude: Seriously! The frog dies if it goes in the water?! / Sheep: Yeah, someone failed biology. / Dude: More like someone chewed up biology, spit it into a dumpster, defecated all over it and lit it on fire. / Sheep: Good game, though. / Dude: Oh, great game. / Sheep: Anyway, someone still has to pay for these rubber gloves. / Dude: Wow, they still do COD?|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/06/11/grimace-and-leutze/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/06/11/grimace-and-leutze/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/06/15/eat-that-clarissa/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/06/15/eat-that-clarissa/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|How The Hubcap Was One With Everything||Dave: Did you hear the one about the Buddhist who swallowed a hubcap?
/ Dude: Don't say the punchline! I'm allergic to statements! / Dave: That was a statement.
/ Dude: I know! And so is this!
|a class="searchlink" href="http://mountaincomics.com/2009/06/18/violinist-on-the-shingles/">http://mountaincomics.com/2009/06/18/violinist-on-the-shingles/||[untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]|
|Thanks Anyway, Heather||Simone: This mouthwash kills millions of germs that brushing alone can miss. / Simone: Good thing I never brush alone! / Brian: Why do I always have to be your "brushing buddy"? It's weird. / Simone: Om faving mummy om moufwaff! / Alien: Om faving mummy om moufwaff / Astronaut 1: Whoa! I think it's trying to communicate with us! / Astronaut 1: Can you believe it? This is incredible! / Astronaut 1: Uh... dude? / Alien: Om faving mummy om moufwaff / Astronaut 2: Om faving mummy om moufwaff / Brian: Ever wonder if things that happen in this bathroom influence life on distant planets? / Alien: Bammit Bwian you fed you ftobbed fmoking bot / Astronaut 2: Bammit Bwian you fed you ftobbed fmoking bot|
|Do You Want Your Possessions Identified?||AT THE END OF DAYS, THROUGH A RIFT OF DARK TERROR, RIDE THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE / PAUL / CHRIS / BARRY / BERTRAM / Agoraphobic Hamster: Hey -- Barry isn't even riding a horse! / FINE. THE THREE HORSEMEN AND THE JOGGER OF THE APOCALYPSE, THEN. / Agoraphobic Hamster: And what kind of weapon does Chris have? Is that a pick? / IT'S A T-SQUARE / Agoraphobic Hamster: Also, it looks like Paul is riding a donkey. / Headgehog: Yeah, and I think Bertram is on some kind of orc-pony. / Agoraphobic Hamster: Hey, pal, mocking the narrator is MY gig. / Headgehog: Whatever! I can turn into a friggin' ball of spikes! / Agoraphobic Hamster: Eep! / Chris: Right angles to destroy the world!|
|Andrea Morse||[[ORIGAMI SUPPLY SHOP]] / [[OPEN]] [[PAPER]] [[STUFF]] / Shop Owner: Man, shoplifters are killing my profits. / Dude: Have you tried putting up a sign? / Shop Owner: Yeah. The last one didn't work / [[SMILE! YOU ARE BEING WATCHED BY SECURITY CAMERAS]] / Shop Owner: so I went with a new spin / [[SMILE! DEATH IS A GUARANTEE FOR YOU AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW]] / Dude: What about the undead? / Shop Owner: What, like zombies? / Dude: Yeah. Like, check this out: I made an origami zombie. / [[ORIGAMBIE!]] / Origambie: Craaaanes! / Shop Owner: Huh. Animate folded paper eating inanimate folded paper. / Dude: Whoa, you have a Galaga machine?! / Onion: An origondor! / Shop Owner: What do you call an origami onion? / Dude: An orion? / Orion: Uh... Down with condors?|
|Ellen Foley||Guy: Check it out: I just got a pair of electric shoes!
/ Gal: What do they do? / Guy: They rattle off The Wonder Years trivia in the first person.
/ Shoe: My grandfather sold me a car for $1. / Gal: You know, I never met a guy who wore shoes before...
/ Shoe: Winnie got a 1482 on the SAT. / Gal: I think it's kind of... sexy.
/ Shoe: I got a 1250. / Gal: Ooh, yeah! That's -- hey, what's that?
/ Guy: It's an erec--
/ Gal: No, THAT.
/ Shoe: My dad was born November 6, 1927. / Monster: It is time to return, Steven.
/ Guy: No! It's too soon! / <
|Robert Donley||Scientist: Little potted cactus / Sitting in a pot / Scientist: Acting like a cactus / Not doing a whole lot / Scientist: But cactus, m'boy / Can you understand? / Scientist: You're about to give birth to a cactus man! / Scientist: I hope he's mostly human / Robots: But can store a lot of water / And has spines / Scientist: For if he's mostly cactus / Robots: He will have a lot of qualms he can't opine / Scientist: It took a lot of work to impregnate you / Robots: But that's ok, 'cause no one has done it before / Robots: And if this experiment should work out / Scientist: I will stand before the world and say / Self-aware Dinosaur: I'm a dinosaur! / Scientist [[being eaten]]: I find this painful. / Self-aware Dinosaur: Rarr! / If you have ten-thousand regulations, you destroy all respect for the law.|
|Ron Dean||Narrator: TINY CANDLES BOXING ON A POTATO CHIP FLOATING IN COFFEE
/ Narrator: Tonight on TCBPCFC, it's a title bout between White "The Snuffer" Candle
/ Trainer: Dodge his punch, then counter-punch!
/ Narrator: and Blue-striped "The Trick" Candle!
/ The Trick: There exists an unheard soundtrack to our lives.
/ Narrator: This fight is brought to you by #1 DAD coffee mugs. #1 DAD: Because you have no basis for comparison.
/ Narrator: And it's on!
/ Announcer 1: Where do they find candles that tiny?
/ Announcer 2: Nevermind that -- where do they find trainers that tiny?
/ Trainer: Hey announcer, guess what?
/ You just got kicked by LENNY THE FUCK YOU ZEBRA
|Gina Gershon||AGORAPHOBIC HAMSTER STOCKS HIS FRUIT BOWL / Agoraphobic Hamster: Apples... satsumas... mangoes... bananas. / Andy: EVERYBODY DANCE! / Andy the Nanner makes fruit come alive! / Agoraphobic Hamster: Eep! My kitchen has become a public setting! / Kevin: Thank you for calling Mailboxes And So On. This is Kevin. How may I help you? / Chick: Hi. I think my mailbox is malfunctioning. / Kevin: How so? / Chick: Well, it seems to have gained sentience, and it keeps yelling "bones". / Mailbox: BONES! / Kevin: Don't worry; that's perfectly normal. / Kevin: Have you tried giving it any bones?|
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