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| #271 - No Comment | {{comic title= No Comment }}
/ {{comic number= #271 }} / Dr. Eldritch: So, anything you want to talk about?
/ Valeria Steele: No, I'm cool.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Good. I wouldn't know what to say. I really don't understand youNg, curious straight women.
/ Val: Oh man! Neither do I. / Dr. Eldritch: Well, aside from her being really into you. That was obvious.
/ Val: You think so?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sure. She told you, right?
/ Val: No! Every time I tried to bring it up, she'd get all wigged out. / Dr. Eldritch: She didn't appreciate that you were making an effort to break your habits from past relationships and meet her halfway?
/ Val: Not at all! I mean, I can't stop thinking about her. So maybe she's like, MY PERSON, you know? So I was trying to be patient and sensitive, and she didn't even notice! At the beginning, I just thought she was pretty hot... / Val: ...and now she leaves me and I'M all guilty? I feel stupid and goofy and I hate it! I should just walk away, right? I know that. I know. But I just can't.
/ Dr. Eldritch: huh. Well. If you need to talk about it, let me know.
/ Val: No, I'm cool. / {{Most people are their own Favourite Topic on Conversations.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic271.html |
| #272 - What Secret Society? | {{comic title= What Secret Society?}}
/ {{comic number= #272 }} / [[Librarian Reference Desk]]
/ Librarian: Reference Desk!
/ Trevor: Hi! Missed me?
/ Librarian: I did note that it has been a while since you last called. / [[Trevors basement]]
/ Trevor: What can you tell me about the Secret Society of Librarians?
/ Librarian: There isn't one.
/ Trevor: Inconceivable!
/ Librarian: If you investigate, you'll find no records of such a society. Obviously, if one existed, there would be evidence of it. / [[Librarian Reference Desk]]
/ Trevor: OR, only a global librarian conspiracy could have eliminated all mention of their secret society! So the LACK of evidence actually PROVES that it exists! / [[Trevors basement]]
/ Librarian: You do know that IF such a society existed, I'd sworn to secrecy about it.
/ Trevor: e-Woll an-Coll eak-SPoll IN-oll oll-TRoll-atin-Loll! /
/ {{This comic is not an admission of any knowledge of the Secret Society of Librarians.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Librarian Reference Desk}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic272.html |
| #273 - Summertime | {{comic title= Summertime }}
/ {{comic number= #273 }} / [[Ping, Trevor and Byron are lying on the grass on a small hill in the sun]]
/ Ping: It's really nice here.
/ Trevor: Yeah.
/ Byron: Peaceful!
/ Ping: We should do this more often.
/ Trevor: For sure!
/ Byron: A six-pack and some jerky. That's all we need. / Ping: you know, if it weasn't for Val, we might never have found this place.
/ Trevor: We should thank her. Later.
/ Byron: It was good of you to try to cheer her up, Troll. / Ping: In hindsight, the bucket of yogurt over her door might not have been the best way to do it.
/ Trevor: Is she still looking for us?
/ Ping, Oh, yeah.
/ Trevor: Well, then keep your head down!
/ Byron: And cigars! Next time, cigars! / {{There's nothing like a lazy summer afternoon spent hiding...}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} {{Byron}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic273.html |
| #274 - Karis' New Place | {{comic title= Kari's New Place}}
/ {{comic number= #274 }} / [[At Kari's new place, Kimmi is showing her the cellar full of boxes and stuff; more a storage room than a "room for rent"]]
/ Barbie: Here you go. The bathroom's upstairs, but the laundry room is right outside your door!
/ Kari Proctor: What are all the boxes?
/ Barbie: They're Mike's. He's keeping them here until he gets back.
/ Kari: And when is THAT?
/ Barbie: Three years. With good behavior. / Kari: Is there somewhere ELSE I can put them?
/ Barbie: Sure, if you want to pay for a storage unit.
/ Kari: I'm on a tight budget.
/ Barbie: Well, this is why the rent's low. Do you want it or not?
/ Kari: Yes. I'm sure it's better than where I was. / Kari: *Sigh*
/ Barbie: Oh, if anyone asks, the plants in the garage are strictly medicinal. / {{Any resemblance to an actual location is purely coincidental}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Kimmi}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic274.html |
| #275 - It's Personal | {{comic title= It's Personal }}
/ {{comic number= #275 }} / [[In the kitchen, Val and Dr. Eldritch are sitting at the table, the Troll strolls about and prepares something to eat]]
/ Valeria Steele: So, you're not getting any?
/ Dr. Eldritch: And how is that any of your business?
/ Val: Just saying. I'm reading the personal ads.
/ Dr. Eldritch: How nice for you. Why does that have anything to do with me? / Val: You're not bad looking for an old guy. I wouldn't think you would be desperate.
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's a fallacy. Personal ads aren't about desperation, they're about expanding beyond one's circle of contacts for possible connections. Not that I'd know, of course. / Val: uh huh. "SWM advice columnist with exciting past seeks adventurous woman with tolerance for the strange and unusual. If you can dine with royalty and blast zombies with a shotgun, we should meet for ice cream."
/ Dr. Eldritch [[putting the paper aside]]: Could be anyone. / Val: "Must love Trolls."
/ Dr. Eldritch: Fine! I placed an ad. You want to make fun of me?
/ Val: No! I want to meet these women too!
/ Trevor: Who doesn't love Trolls? /
/ {{I'd like to meet these women too, but they might be a trifle bored with someone who lives the life of a Webcomic Artist.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic275.html |
| #276 - Party Time | {{comic title= Party Time }}
/ {{comic number= #276 }} / [[At Kari's new place, Kari's housemates (Kimmi, Duane and Shane) sit on the sofa and watch TV]]
/ Kari Proctor: "Up In Smoke" again? Didn't you watch that last Friday?
/ Duane: We watch it {i}EVERY{/i} Friday.
/ Shane: Ever since Duane's Girlfriend sold his XBox, anyway.
/ TV: Cool, Man! / Kari: How can you watch the same movie every week?
/ Duane: Yeah, only {i}STONED{/i} people would do that!
/ Kari: So you're... Oh. Great.
/ Shane: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
/ Kimmi: {i}HEE!{/i} Stoned!
/ TV: No way, Man! / Shane: Hey, you want a hit?
/ Kari: No, thanks. Someone needs to stay alert in case a monster comes though the portal.
/ Shane: Huh?
/ Duane: Oh, you're tripping on shrooms! / Kari: No, I'm not!
/ Duane: It's cool. Some of my best friends are Shroom-Heads!
/ Kimmi: {i}HEE!{/i} Shroom! Shroom! {i}SHROOOOOOOM!{/i}
/ Shane: {i}WHOA!{/i} How do you {i}DO{/i} that? /
/ {{ Those of you who have been the only sober person in the room know what I'm talking about. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Kimmi}} {{Duane}} {{Shane}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic276.html |
| #277 - Been There | {{comic title= Been There }}
/ {{comic number= #277 }} / [[Standing before a plain brick wall...]]
/ Armahzohtep: HUUUURRRRR!
/ Faceless: Well. There's no point in getting upset. / Armahzohtep [[turns around to face Faceless]]: AAAAARRRGHHH!
/ Faceless: Yes. I'm perfectly aware of that. / Armahzohtep: NARRRRRR! AAAARGGHH!
/ Faceless: Oh, yeah. It's {i}ALL{/i} about you. You're not the only one, you know. / [[Reveal queue in front of an ATM, Hector (a Monster with flipper hands_ stands at the machine, then the Mummy Armahzohtep, Faceless and a Zombie]]
/ Armahzohtep: GAAAARRRRGHH!!
/ Hector: Bite me, Dude! This isn't easy with flippers!
/ Faceless: You're not making things go any faster. / {{ Why do people think that an argument is going to make things BETTER? }} / {{Appearances:}} {{ATM}} {{Armahzohtep}} {{Zombie}} {{Mummy}} {{Faceless}} {{Hector}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic277.html |
| #278 - Troll Seeking Woman | {{comic title= Summertime }}
/ {{comic number= #273 }} / [[At Dr. Eldritch's working desk]]
/ Trevor: ...And I drew this picture.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Oh. Is that to scale?
/ Trevor: Yup!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well, she sure looks happy.
/ Dr. Eldritch: But most personals are just plain text. / Trevor: Okay. You want to hear what I wrote?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Certainly.
/ Trevor: "I'm a Troll. Let's do it." / Dr. Eldritch: That's the headline?
/ Trevor: That's the whole ad.
/ Dr. Eldritch: No, you don't understand. A personals ad should summarize who you are in a way that will catch the interest of the sort of person you're looking for... / Dr. Eldritch: No, you're right. It's perfect.
/ Trevor: Cool!
/ Dr. Eldritch: You'll be fighting them off with a stick.
/ Trevor: Huh?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Good point. That's not really your style. / {{No, I don't have a copy of that drawing.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic278.html |
| #279 - Saturday Morning | {{comic title= Saturday Morning }}
/ {{comic number= #279 }} / [[At Kari's new place, Kimmi, Duane and Shane are sitting on the sofa, Kari is standing next to it and talks to them]]
/ Kari Proctor: Hey, I bought a box of frozen waffles yesterday, and now they're gone!
/ Duane: i didn't eat them!
/ Kimmi: Not me.
/ Shane: Me neither.
/ TV: Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! / Kari: Of course! Nobody ate them! They just vanished! No, it was the Troll in the basement!
/ [[and with that, Kari leaves the room]]
/ TV: Again? That trick never works! / Duane: Man! she's really out of touch.
/ Shane: Totally, all we did last night was get really wasted and... Hey!, we {i}DID{/i} eat a bunch of waffles!
/ Duane: Oh, yeah!
/ TV: ROOAARR!!! / Duane: That was last night?
/ Kimmi: {i}HEE!{/i} Waffles!
/ Guy: Whoa. When I talk, it's like someone else is saying "Waffles".
/ Kimmi: Waffles, Waffles, {i}WAFFLES{/i}!
/ Duane: Wait. What where we talking about?
/ TV: It's got your arm!
/ TV: {i}AAUGHH!{/i} No! Oh God, THE PAIN!! / {{A Friday the 13th is bad, but Saturday the 14th is MUCH WORSE...}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Kimmi}} {{Duane}} {{Shane}} {{TV}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic279.html |
| #280 - Old Friends | {{comic title= Old Friends }}
/ {{comic number= #280 }} / [[Trevor's basement room, Ping talking to K-Gor]]
/ K-Gor: ... And robot say: "The you won't like {i}SATURDAY{/i} night, either!"
/ Ping: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
/ k-Gor: HA! HA! HA!
/ Trevor: Who's this? / Ping: D38TH807, who is known as K-Gor! We were built in the same lab. K-Gor, this is Trevor.
/ K-Gor: K-Gor pleased to meet Troll-Man.
/ Trevor: K-Gor? Weird name for a fembot.
/ K-Gor: No, K-Gor a dude. / Trevor: But you're wearing a skirt!
/ K-Gor: K-Gor does find Maker's design choices confusing. But tunic delightfully cool in hot summer months. / K-Gor: Plus, color compliments K-Gor's eyes.
/ Tervor: Damn! He's totally right! / {{Those little touches really make the difference in robot design.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} {{K-Gor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic280.html |
| #281 - Trolling | Ping: You two should have a lot to talk about! K-Gor's built for Intruder Eradication.
/ Trevor: [[vacuuming]] And you eat them?
/ K-Gor: No, K-Gor not eat.
/ Trevor: Huh. / Trevor: [[wanting to vacuum where K-Gor is standing]] Feet.
/ K-Gor: [[lifting one foot]] K-Gor's on way to apply at Evergreen. Sure, money is in business degree, but K-Gor's thinking English Literature. / K-Gor: [[lifting other foot]] Or performing arts. Ever since K-Gor saw the singing cats...
/ Trevor: Okay. / K-Gor: [[to Ping]] K-Gor senses hostility from Troll-Man.
/ Ping: Because the vacuum cleaner's not even on?
/ K-Gor: That one clue, yes.
/ Trevor: Can't hear you! Vacuuming! / {{The thing that bothers me second-most about the movie Shrek is when the Donkey says he's going to make waffles, but he DOESN'T HAVE A WAFFLE IRON!}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic281.html |
| #282 - Odd Jobs | {{comic title= Odd Jobs }}
/ {{comic number= #282 }} / Dr. Eldritch: Nice to meet you, K-Gor!
/ k-Gor: Ha! Ha! Ha!
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's funny?
/ K-Gor: Human never say that to K-Gor before.
/ Dr. Eldritch: No? / K-Gor: In old job, humans mostly say "Aaughh!" or "Please don't kill me!".
/ Dr. Eldritch: I see. I hope you don't miss that.
/ K-Gor: Well, for robot, financial aid sucks. So K-Gor still do some freelance killing. / K-Gor: Mostly weddings, birthday-parties. Motto is: "If you want to be killed real good, call K-Gor!".
/ Dr. Eldritch: Um, thanks. But I doubt I'll want that.
/ K-Gor [hands a blue business card to Dr. Eldritch]: Take K-Gor's card, just in case. / Ping: We should probably go, K-Gor.
/ K-Gor: K-Gor mention group discounts? /
/ {{Almost every day I learn something, I didn't want to know.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Ping}} {{K-Gor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic282.html |
| #283- Games Robots Play | {{comic title= Games Robots Play }}
/ {{comic number= #283 }} / [[In the basement, Ping and K-Gor are playing Checkers, just about to start a new round when Trevor passes by]]
/ K-Gor: Ping-bot ready?
/ Ping: You bet!
/ Trevor: Hey, Checkers! I'm pretty good... / K-Gor: Go!
/ [[Ping and K-Gor play lightning-fast]]
/ < http://askdreldritch.com/comic283.html |
| #284 - Gary & Walter, Part 2 | {{comic title= Gary And Walter, Part 2 }}
/ {{comic number= #284 }}
/ {{part 1 was comic #264 }} / [[in the living room, nobody there but the furniture]]
/ Gary the Clock: "Just a decorative item? Ha! Is ordinary furniture connected to the Infinite? As Time spirals outward from the Big Bang, I mark its progress, chronicling Infinity into tiny fractions. I measure the endless procession of moments, from when each begins, until it merges into the past like raindrops into an ocean." / Gary the Clock: "But a clock is not just a device to count seconds. It's a constant reminder that our existence is an infinitesimal flicker in the vastness of Eternity, and that opportunities to connect with someone are either seized in the moment, or forever lost into emptiness." / Walter, the Drawer-Desk: Whoa! You said all that?
/ Gary the Clock: Yup.
/ Walter, the Drawer-Desk: And she still didn't put out?
/ Gary the Clock: No! / Walter, the Drawer-Desk: She must have been a Dining Table with her legs glued together!
/ Gary the Clock: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
/ Gary the Clock: Damn, I wish I'd said that! / {{Feel free to try these lines. Let me know if they work.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kevin, the Plant}} {{Walter, the Drawer Desk}} {{Gary, the Clock}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic284.html |
| #285 - The Secret Life Of Gnomes | {{comic title= The Secret Life Of Gnomes }}
/ {{comic number= #285 }} / Jarell: Lord Urdragon, the Northern Brethren have double-crossed us! They've joined forces with the wizard Langolesh, whose forces approach through the sitting room!
/ Lord Urdragon: By Shargoth's beard! Jarell, lead the fighters around their flank. have Blackwolf's archers take high ground on the divan!
/ Jarell: Yes, Lord! /
/ Lord Urdragon: I pray that Brundell the Bloody's mercenaries reach us in time...
/ Jarell: {i}AAAGH!{/i} It's Langolesh! / Langolesh [Throws yellow balls]: Wizard Arrow! Wizard Arrow!
/ < http://askdreldritch.com/comic285.html |
| #286 - Misunderstanding | {{comic title= Misunderstanding }}
/ {{comic number= #286 }} / [[In the basement, K-Gor holds a dark-skinned arm and a pale-skinned leg (in jeans and sandal). In the background, TV new graphic reads: "NEWS - Comic-Con "Didn't suck"".]]
/ Ping: No, what he {i}MEANT{/i} was that a new Flat-Screen TV would really be expensive.
/ K-Gor: Oh.
/ Trevor: I'll still take those. / {{Don't worry, I'm not going to say "Wouldn't you give a hand to a friend?".}} / [[sorry, one panel only]] / {{Appearances:}} {{Ping}} {{K-Gor}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic286.html |
| #287 - Dropping In | {{comic title= Dropping In }}
/ {{comic number= #287 }} / [[Remote section of basement, Ping and Trevor stand before a hole in the wall. Behind this hole is a pit, a warning sign says "DANGER - BOTTOMLESS PIT", a second warns "No Diving". In front of the hole in the wall, there's a text sprayed on the ground in violet: "Look here" and an arrow pointing to the pit.]]
/ Ping: Um, where's K-Gor?
/ Trevor: On a trip...
/ Trevor: I mean, he dropped...
/ Trevor: No, wait! He had to fall...
/ Trevor: Damn! They always make it look easy in the movies! / {{Ability to think of witty one-liners is generally inversely proportional to the need to do so.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Ping, the Cybernetic American}} {{Trevor, the Troll}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic287.html |
| #288 - Burgeoning Misanthropy | {{comic title= Burgeoning Misanthropy }}
/ {{comic number= #288 }} / [[At "Undead Coffee", Kari's is talking to the guy at the next table. A sign says "No Zombies".]]
/ Kari Proctor: ...So you can see my dilemma, right? But I realized that sitting in the basement and feeling sorry for myself wasn't helping. If nothing else, I ought to go out and meet some new people. / Stranger: When I talk to strangers, especially large groups, I imagine them in their underwear.
/ Kari: Oh, you get stage fright?
/ Stranger: No. / [[penultimate silent panel]] / [[Kari is gone]]
/ Stranger: *SIGH* / {{This is why I don't initiate conversations with strangers.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Stranger}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic288.html |
| #289 - K-Gor Lives! | {{comic title= K-Gor Lives! }}
/ {{comic number= #289 }} / [[In the basement, Trevor is working with his "Skull dazzler", Ping is watching, and a dirty K-Gor joins the two]]
/ K-Gor: Greetings, Ping-Bot!
/ Ping: K-Gor! What happened to you?
/ K-Gor: Troll-Man right. Bottomless pit very interesting, but not actually bottomless.
/ Trevor: Wow, this is awkward. / K-Gor [[to Ping]]: K-Gor must leave for Tacoma now. Thank you, Ping-Bot! K-Gor have very nice time.
/ Ping: I'm glad you could visit!
/ K-Gor [[to Trevor]]: As for you, TROLL-MAN... / [[intimidating close up view of an angry K-Gor]]
/ K-Gor: Someday, K-Gor will see {i}YOU{/i} again, but {i}YOU{/i} will not see K-Gor! / K-Gor: Until then, have nice day. Bye, Ping-Bot!
/ Ping: Bye, k-Gor!
/ Trevor [[to Ping]]: You know, I kinda liked him.
/ Ping: No you don't.
/ Trevor: Yeah, you're right. / {{At least he seems to hold a grudge in a friendly way.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} {{K-Gor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic289.html |
| #290 - After-School Eldritch | {{comic title= After-School Eldritch }}
/ {{comic number= #290 }} / [[In Eldritch's office]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Now Trevor, you were very mean to Ping's friend. Ping, how did that make you feel?
/ Ping: I was fine with it.
/ Dr. Eldritch: See, Trevor, Ping was... Wait, what? / Ping: After Kari moved out, I turned down my emotion chip for a while. i feel great!
/ Trevor: You're not angry?
/ Ping: Not at all!
/ Trevor: Cool! / Dr. Eldritch: So, nobody learned anything about handling jealousy? Or not pushing robots into a bottomless pit?
/ Trevor: No, not really.
/ Ping: Me neither. / Trevor: Let's go make fun of Gnomes.
/ Ping: Okay!
/ Dr. Eldritch: {i}WHY{/i} do i keep trying? / {{Well, Trolls will be Trolls.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic290.html |
| #291 - First Date | {{comic title= Blind Date }}
/ {{comic number= #291 }} / [[In a restaurant, Dr. Eldritch and Tiffi are on their first date]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: I waited until the vampires had me surrounded on the bridge, which I had rigged to collapse. It dumped us into the river, which swept us out of the cavern into the sunlight, causing their demise and my escape!
/ Tiffi: HEE! Awesome! / Tiffi: One time I as attacked by six zombies, but I only had three shotgun shells left.
/ Dr. Eldritch: What did you do?
/ Tiffi: I had to maneuver to line up two at a time, and then shot them both at once.
/ Dr. Eldritch: THREE double headshots in a row? Nice! / Tiffi: Thanks! So how long have you been into MMORPGs?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Me? I've never played any.
/ Tiffi: But, wait... VAMPIRES??
/ Dr. Eldritch: You mean you weren't...? / Tiffi: Hey, I just remembered that I'm moving to Australia tomorrow.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Yeah, I get that a lot. /
/ {{ Seriously, how could something like that slip your mind? }}
/ {{ Oh wait. I get it... }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Tiffi}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic291.html |
| #292 - Stranger | {{comic title= Stranger }}
/ {{comic number= #292 }} / [[In the kitchen, Dr. Eldritch meets unexpectedly a Shadow-like Stranger sitting on a chair]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Er, hello?
/ Time Being: Human.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Do you mind explaining who you are and why you're sitting at this table?
/ Time Being: Doesn't seem much point, does there? / Dr. Eldritch: Perhaps not to you, but I'd really like to know.
/ Time Being: O, well then! I shall drop everything and satisfy your petty whim. As if I have no urgent responsibilities that prevent the very FABRIC of the UNIVERSE from DISINTEGRATING! / Dr. Eldritch: Do you?
/ Time Being: No, not really. / Time Being: Awful, isn't it?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I'm starting to think that. / {{Well, SOMEBODY's got to be preventing the Fabric of the Unverse from disintegrating.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Time Being}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic292.html |
| #293 - I've Heard Of You | {{comic title= I've Heard Of You }}
/ {{comic number= #293 }} / [[In the kitchen, Dr. Eldritch sits opposite the Shadow-like Time Being. Val stands in the background, observing and eating cereal; apparently this is the best program available.]]
/ Time Being: I promise it will bring you no joy to know this, but I am the Time Being.
/ Dr. Eldritch: THE Time Being?
/ Time Being: Yes.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Singular?
/ Time Being: Indeed. / Dr. Eldritch: As in: "We'll just set this pie here on the counter for the Time Being?"
/ Time Being: Exactly.
/ Valeria Steele: < http://askdreldritch.com/comic293.html |
| #294 - Seems Like Forever | {{comic title= Seems Like Forever }}
/ {{comic number= #294 }} / [[In the hall, Dr. Eldritch leads the Shadow-like Time Being and Val towards the garden of the mansion.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: So our three-dimensional universe moving through the fourth dimension generates energy, which manifests itself as you, a physical incarnation of Time?
/ Time Being: Oh, lucky me. Your puny mortal brain has grasped the concept. / Dr. Eldritch: And what do you do?
/ Time Being: Nothing.
/ Dr. Eldritch: NOTHING?
/ Time Being: Nothing. / [[Now, the group is in the garden, where Trevor is digging a hole and Ping stands by the hole]]
/ Time Being: I neither create Time, nor control it. I am merely a by-product of the primal chronographical forces. My life is tedium, and I am doomed to exist until the very end of Time itself. / Dr. Eldritch: Give me a minute? I need to deal with this.
/ Time Being: Oh, sure. Make the Eternal Being wait. Why should I mind?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Oh, give it a rest!
/ Valeria Steele: Okay, everybody who isn't crazy, raise your hand.
/ [[Val, Ping and Trevor raise their right hands]] / {{Being Immortal and Impatient would be a bad combination.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Time Being}} {{Val}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic294.html |
| #295 - Earlier That Day | {{comic title= Earlier That Day }}
/ {{comic number= #295 }} / [[Ping and Trevor hanging out in the basement]]
/ Trevor: You know what would be cool? Finding buried treasure.
/ Ping: Yeah! I bet there's some in the back yard!
/ Trevor: Really?
/ Ping: Sure! See, it makes perfect sense... / Ping: Where do you find pirates?
/ Trevor: The ocean.
/ Ping: Right! So where do people look for buried pirate treasures?
/ Trevor: on islands.
/ Ping: Exactly! So where would a pirate bury his treasure so NOBODY WOULD FIND IT? / [[silent penultimate panel, while Ping and Trevor look at each other]] / [[Ping and Trevor dig in the back yard, Dr. Eldritch and Val look on.]]
/ Trevor: See, it makes perfect sense... / {{Hey kids, I bet there's Pirates Treasure in YOUR yard! Where do your parents keep the shovel? }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic295.html |
| #296 - Career Day | {{comic title= Career Day }}
/ {{comic number= #296 }} / [[Kari sits in cubicle, talking to Programmer.]]
/ Kari Proctor: Since I don't want to be a dog-walker for the rest of my life, I'm looking at different career options.
/ Programmer: Sure! Well, you can't do much better than Information Technology! / Programmer: I AM a programmer, but mostly the users send me info requests. I set up the parameters and submit jobs to generate their reports!
/ Kari: That's it?
/ Programmer: Mostly. Sometimes I fix data errors. / Kari: Nothing personal, but that seems.... boring.
/ Programmer: It's not glamorous, but I should be able to retire two years earlier than most people my age!
/ Kari: But you'll spend 100,000 hours of your life doing THIS? / Programmer: NO! Not JUST this! Sometimes I go to meetings.
/ Kari: Thanks, I've seen enough!
/ Programmer: And we can wear jeans on Fridays! / {{The #1 reason to Work in an Office: You are safe from Wild Animals. Mostly.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Programmer}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic296.html |
| #297 - You Asked | {{comic title= You Asked }}
/ {{comic number= #297 }} / [[In the kitchen, Val and Dr. Eldritch sit at the table]]
/ Valeria Steele: Is your Imaginary Friend here today?
/ Dr. Eldritch: He's not my friend, he's the Eternal Fountain of Self-Pity. And he's not imaginary.
/ Val: Uh huh. That's why only you can see him? / Time Being [[from outside the panels]]: Tell her that I am only visible to those with unusual relationships to Time.
/ Dr. Eldritch: How long have you been there?
/ Time Being: For countless millennia, I've...
/ Dr. Eldritch: I mean today.
/ Time being: Oh, ten minutes. / Dr. Eldritch: Great. Can you do something so Val knows that you exist?
/ Time Being: Like this?
/ Val: OH, SWEET JESUS! / Val: I BELIEVE YOU! I BELIEVE YOU! JUST MAKE HIM STOP!
/ Dr. Eldritch [[protecting his eyes with his hand from the view]]: Yes, stop. Please!
/ Trevor: Hey, cool! / {{A handy skill is being able to intentionally forget things.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic297.html |
| #298 - Answers | {{comic title= Answers }}
/ {{comic number= #298 }} / [[Kari and four girls sit at a table at Thai Food Mary's]]
/ Evi: Kari, this is Lindsi, Holli and Bethi. Kari's the one I told you all about! She's been looking for a new job.
/ Holli+Lindsi+Bethi: Hi!
/ Kari Proctor: Actually... / Kari: I've been feeling dissatisfied with... everything. I'm at a crossroads; I could go in any direction. But nothing seems right, NOTHING! It's like I'm walking IN the world, but I'm not PART of it. I go to bed at night, and I realize that what I did all day was exactly like what I did the day before, and I'll do the same thing tomorrow. So I feel I'm searching for not just a LIVING, but my Life itself. Do you know what I mean? / Lindsi: Absolutely!
/ Holli: And we know exactly what you need! / Lindsi: DAY SPA!
/ Holli: Mani-pedi's for everyone!
/ Bethi: The we'll go shopping for SHOES! / {{The world seems a MUCH better place when you've got cucumber slices on your eyelids.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Evi}} {{Holli}} {{Lindsi}} {{Bethi}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic298.html |
| #299 - Nude Shower Scene | {{comic title= Nude Shower Scene }}
/ {{comic number= #299 }} / [[Dr. Eldritch showers, surprised by the Time Being.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: AUGH!
/ Dr. Eldritch: I'm IN the SHOWER!
/ Time Being: Thank you, Human, I am well aware of that.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Do you MIND?
/ Time Being: Not at all. / Dr. Eldritch: For the love of...
/ Time Being: What's it like, having one of those?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Huh? Um, it's fun. I mostly play with it in the bath.
/ Time Being: Can I touch it?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No! / Time Being: Please? As an athropomorphization of an abstract, I have no experience with such things.
/ Dr. Eldritch: If I give it to you, will you go somewhere else?
/ Time Being: Very well. / Time Being [[with a yellow plastic bath-duck in his hands]]: I shall call him Mr. Squeakers.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Did I shampoo once or twice? / {{What? What did you think they were talking about?}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Time Being}} {{Mr. Squeakers}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic299.html |
| #300 - Generation Zombie | {{comic title= #300 - Generation Zombie }}
/ {{comic number= #300 }} / [[Kari sits on a bench. Unknown woman next to her has a guitar.]]
/ ZombiedressedGuy: BRAIIINS!
/ ZombiedressedGirl: HEE! BRAINS!
/ Kari Proctor: AAAUGH! ZOMBIES! / [[Kari hits ZombieGuy with guitar]]
/ << *WHAP* >>
/ ZombiedressedGuy: OW! OW!!
/ << *WHAP!* >>
/ ZombiedressedGirl: STOP HITTING HIM!
/ ZombiedressedGuy: WHAT the HELL, Lady? / Kari: Hey, you're not a real zombie!
/ ZombiedressedGuy: Of course not!
/ Kari: Wow! I'm... I'm... very disappointed!
/ ZombiedressedGuy: Huh? / [[Kari hands back the guitar and leaves]]
/ Kari: Thank you! That really helped!
/ ZombiedressedGuy: Old People are insane!
/ ZombiedressedGirl: There, there! Will some zombie lovin' make it better?
/ ZombiedressedGuy: It's worth a try. /
/ {{ I know Young People like to dress up as Zombies When it's not Halloween, but can see there's some risk involved}} / {{Appearances of regular staff:}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic300.html |
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