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| #301 - Immortal Chat | {{comic title= After-School Eldritch }}
/ {{comic number= #301 }} / [[In Eldritch's office, Sudbury has some decorative sequins all over him]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sudbury, I'd... What happened to you?
/ Sudbury: I know not. I awoke looking like a doxy's miggin. I blame the Troll and his rude mechanical. / Dr. Eldritch: Sure, anyway, I was just telling the Time Being here that the best game show here to distract from his immortal suffering is "Wheel Of Fortune".
/ Sudbury: WHAT? You are a deathless being?
/ Time Being: it is the mournful truth. / Sudbury: Surely you have seen "Deal or No Deal"!
/ Time Being: I know not of what you speak.
/ Sudbury: Gadzooks! / Time Being [[leaning forward to remove some of the sequins from Subury]]: Shall I remove these decorative objects while you tell me of it?
/ Sudbury: Prithee, kind Sir! First, the game-gobelyn instructs the soon-damned soul to chose a case.
/ Time Being: Uh Huh...
/ [[Dr. Eldritch leaves]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: My work here is done... / {{Can you believe there was a time when people said 'Gadzooks!' and they weren't being ironic?}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Sudbury}} {{Time Being}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic301.html |
| #302 - MAY Cause | {{comic title= MAY Cause }}
/ {{comic number= #302 }} / [[Front Door]]
/ Kari Proctor: Hey, Eldritch!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hello, Kari! What brings you here today?
/ Kari: You've ruined me! And I've brought ice cream.
/ Dr. Eldritch: You'd better come inside. / [[Breakfast Nook]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Now, is this a "sullied your honor" sort of ruin? Because WE'VE never....
/ Kari: No! I tried to have a normal life, but it's not working. It's all too...
/ Dr. Eldritch: Mundane? That sometimes happens once you've saved the world. / Kari: You could have warned me! If I'd known, I might not have....
/ Dr. Eldritch: prevented the destruction of the Universe? Sure.
/ Dr. Eldritch: The Eleventh Hour is not the time to give the disclaimer. / Dr. Eldritch: "Warning: Extreme Heroics may cause dissatisfaction with Ordinary Life, and projectile vomiting."
/ Kari: Yeah, like... Vomiting? Really?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sometimes.
/ Kari: Eww. / {{At least the projectile vomiting is over quickly.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic302.html |
| #303 - A Request | {{comic title= A Request }}
/ {{comic number= #303 }} / Dr. Eldritch: Well, it's been nice seeing you. Unless there's anything else?
/ Kari Proctor: Wait! Is there any way I could move back here again? Please?
/ Dr. Eldritch:I don't know. We rented your room to some Bulgarian acrobats.
/ Kari: {i}WHAT?!{/i} / Dr. Eldritch: I suppose we could set you up in the basement with Trevor.
/ Kari: Oh, no! But.. I...
/ Kari: {i}SIGH{/i}
/ Kari: Look, if that's what it takes, I'll do it.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Wow! You're really serious!
/ Kari: Yes! Weren't you listening? / Dr. Eldritch: Come on! We saved your room just as you left it. Well, your clothes were ruined, but Trevor cleaned out all the Charlene.
/ Kari: So you were...?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Messing with you. Yes.
/ Kari: You {i}DORK{/i}! / Dr. Eldritch: I had to be sure you weren't asking merely because {i}you wanted me desperately, frantically{/i}.
/ Kari: Touché. You're still a dork.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Welcome home. /
/ {{ And the live studio goes '{i}Awwww!'{/i} }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch:}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic303.html |
| #304 - Troll Reflexes | {{comic title= Troll Reflexes }}
/ {{comic number= #304 }} / [[In the basement, Trevor, Byron and Ping play cards]]
/ Trevor: And the dog says "I never had the money bef... / [[Trevor turns his head and stops talking]] / [[Trevor runs away]]] / [[Trevor's voice carries into the basement:]]
/ Trevor (0S): You're {i}BAAAACK{/i}!!
/ Kari Proctor (0S) : {i}AAAIIIEEEE{/i}!! Put me {i}DOWN{/i}!!
/ Ping: Was that part of the joke? /
/ {{Even if you KNOW he's happy to see you, that's gotta be scary. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic304.html |
| #305 - Giving Notice | {{comic title= Giving Notice }}
/ {{comic number= #305 }} / [[Kari finds her Roommates talking about her stuff]
/ Duane: It's not an iPod, but I bet we can still get something for it.
/ Shane: There's not much else...
/ Kimmi: SHhH! She's here! / Kari Proctor: I'm moving out. Now. You'll pay back half a month's rent plus my deposit, and load all of my stuff in my car. If there's so much as a sock missing, you {i}WILL{/i} regret it.
/ Duane: Yeah? What are you going to do?
/ Kari: You really want to find out? / [[Duane stares into Kari's eyes, Kari does not yield]] / [[In the living room, Kimmi, Shane and Duane sit on the sofa]]
/ Duane: Man, this {i}SUCKS{/i}!
/ Kimmi: Well, if you hadn't gone all "Tough Guy", she wouldn't have taken the TV.
/ Shane: At least we can watch the radio.
/ Radio: ...and now this week's elementary school lunch menus... / {{Dealing with some people is much easier if you stop caring about whether you'll get along.}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Kimmi}} {{Duane}} {{Shane}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic305.html |
| #306 - Gary And Walter, Part 3 | {{comic title= Gary And Walter, Part 3 }}
/ {{comic number= #306 }} / [[In the living room, nobody there but the furniture. Behind the window is a zombie passing the grounds. Kevin, the Plant, is wearing a kind of skirt.]]
/ [[Silent panel]] / [Another silent panel]] / Gary, the Clock: Okay, Dude. What the hell?
/ Kevin, the Plant: Cargo Shorts!
/ Gary: I got that! But just because every average Joe's wearing them right now, doesn't mean {i}YOU{/i} have to.
/ Kevin: They're {i}USEFUL{/i}.
/ Gary: {i}YEAH?{/i} / Gary: Exactly what do you keep in those two extra pockets?
/ Kevin: ...
/ Kevin: Back me up, Walter.
/ Walter, the Drawer Desk: How the {i}HELL{/i} did you put those on? / {{If it only has one leg hole, is it a Cargo Short?}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kevin, the Plant}} {{Walter, the Drawer Desk}} {{Gary, the Clock}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic306.html |
| #307 - Don't Interrupt | {{comic title= Don't Interrupt }}
/ {{comic number= #307 }} / [[Kari carries a heavy television, Ping stands on stilts. A banner hangs across Kari's bedroom-door, reading "Welcome home Kari!"]]
/ Trevor: Yours is too big!
/ Ping: It's exactly half!
/ Trevor: No it isn't!
/ Ping: Is!
/ Kari Proctor: Guys! Hey, GUYS! / Kari: This is sweet, but how am I supposed to open the door? / Trevor: You've ruined it!
/ Ping: Not me!
/ Trevor: She only likes my side!
/ Ping: Does not!
/ Trevor: Does!
/ Kari: Yeah, I'm back. /
/ {{ Hey, Everybody! The Troll and the Robot are bickering again! }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic307.html |
| #308 - Vertiquality | {{comic title= Vertiquality }}
/ {{comic number= #308 }} / [[Ping on stilts, Trevor and Kari walk down a hall.]]
/ Ping: And the second nun says "No, it's THURSDAY..."
/ Kari Proctor: Wait, I have to ask. What's the deal with the plungers?
/ Ping: Aren't they great? They're like stilts!
/ Kari: I can see that. But WHY? / Ping: Because I'm short. When you're my size, most things happen well above your head. Everything's built for people three times taller than I am, and I wanted to know what it was like to be up here with everyone else. Have you never tried imagining what life is like for for those of diminutive stature? / Kari: Wow. I'm sorry, I' didn't realize...
/ Trevor: Plus, they're fun! Watch!
/ [[Trevor shoves Ping to the ground]]
/ << *SHOVE* >>
/ << CRASH!! >>
/ Ping: AAAGH! / Trevor [[to Kari]]: Doesn't hurt him at all! Try it!
/ Ping: Little help? / {{ For the record, I really can't condone robot-tossing. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic308.html |
| #309 - Together Again | {{comic title= Together Again }}
/ {{comic number= #309 }} / [[Living room: Trevor, Byron and Ping watch Val sit on the sofa reading a book]]
/ Trevor: Here comes Kari!
/ Byron: Have she and Val seen each other yet?
/ Ping: No! This is going to be great! / [[Kari enters the room]]
/ Kari Proctor: Hi, Val!
/ Valeria Steele: Hey, Girl! / Kari: I'm going to the store. Need anything?
/ Val: No, I'm good. Thanks.
/ Kari: No problem. / [[Kari leaves.]]
/ Byron: What the hell?
/ Ping: That's IT?
/ Trevor: GAH!! Why aren't they making out? / {{They're NOT making out? Inconceivable!!}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic309.html |
| #310 - New Plan | {{comic title= New Plan }}
/ {{comic number= #310 }} / [[In the study]]
/ Kari Proctor: I finally figured out what I want to do with my life.
/ Dr. Eldritch: *SIGH!* Look, there's nothing WRONG with being an exotic dancer, but you can do so much...
/ Kari: What? That's not it! Why would you...?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Um... Not important. I meant to say, "Good for you! What's your new job?"
/ Kari: I want to do what you do. / Dr. Eldritch: Ah, yes! The glorious life of an Advice Columnist! Easy work and impressionable, open-minded groupies! Excellent choice.
/ Kari: No! the other stuff. I want you to teach me what you know about monsters and saving the world and everything. / Dr. Eldritch: Oh, no! No, No, No! Absolutely not!
/ Kari: Why not? You ruined me for a mundane life, the least you can do is teach me what I need to know for an extraordinary one.
/ Dr. Eldritch: You really don't know what you're asking. And that wasn't my fault. / Kari: Then I better pick out my stripper name. How about Trixxxie? Or Satin Knickers?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I'm impervious to guilt trips.
/ Kari: Ooh, Amber Waves!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Stop it!
/ Kari: Wait! CANDY SPRINKLESs!! /
/ {{...}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic310.html |
| #311 - Trevor's Girlfriend | {{comic title= Trevor's Girlfriend }}
/ {{comic number= #311 }} / [[At the door, a red-haired punk-girl is waiting there when Dr. Eldritch opens the door]]
/ Evisceratina: Trevor here?
/ Dr. Eldritch: And you are...?
/ Evisceratina: Evisceratina. He said to come over.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Did you answer his ad?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Duh! / [[Inside the Mansion]]
/ Evisceratina: He's really a troll, right? Not just some weirdo?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Some might argue that he dwells in the intersection of those sets.
/ Evisceratina: Huh?
/ Dr. Eldritch: He is indeed a troll.
/ Evisceratina: Awesome. / [[In the basement]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Trevor, this is Evisceratina.
/ Evisceratina: Hey.
/ Trevor: Hey. / Evisceratina: I'm ready. Is the creepy old guy going to watch us do it?
/ Trevor: Are you...
/ Dr. Eldritch: NO!! / {{What a pretty name....}} /
/ {{Reference: Trevor's personal ad can be found here: http://askdreldritch.com/comic278.html }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Evisceratina}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic311.html |
| #312 - Um... Introduction | {{comic title= Um... Introduction }}
/ {{comic number= #312 }} / Evisceratina: Hey.
/ Kari Proctor: Uhhh... Hi? / Kari [[to Dr. Eldritch]]: Who was that?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Evisceratina. Trevor's new... um.. friend.
/ Kari: SHE'S HAVING SEX WITH TREVOR!?!
/ Dr. Eldritch: I DIDN'T SAY THAT! / Kari: Thats what "Um Friend" means!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Apparently a bit of Young-Person culture I didn't know about.
/ Kari: With any luck, this will take some pressure off me.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Don't count on it. Trolls aren't particularly monogamous. / Kari: It does explain those noises the other night.
/ Dr. Eldritch: It helps to imagine it's merely two jackals in a washing machine falling down stairs.
/ Kari: That's what I thought it WAS. / {{FYI: If you pause while trying to decide whether to say 'Coworker' or 'Colleague,' and decide on 'Friend,' you may be giving people the wrong impression. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} {{Evisceratina}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic312.html |
| #313 - Second Try | {{comic title= Second Try }}
/ {{comic number= #313 }} / [[In the kitchen]]
/ Kari Proctor: Have you changed your mind yet?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I am reconsidering.
/ Kari: Excellent!
/ Dr. Eldritch:But why do you care if I have another cup of coffee? / Kari: Not that! I mean about teaching me.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ah! Not gonna happen.
/ Kari: Why not?
/ Dr. Eldritch: It's... technical. / Kari: That's what you say when you don't have an answer.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Perhaps, but in this case, it means the answer is too complicated to explain fully before my second cup of coffee.
/ Kari: I'll wait. / Dr. Eldritch: Then I've decided! No second cup today.
/ Kari: Such a Bontu-Head!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Whìch means?
/ Kari: It's technical.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well played! / {{ I've always liked the motto: "If a thing is difficult to do, it's probably not worth doing'. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic313.html |
| #314 - Non-Processing | {{comic title= Non-Processing }}
/ {{comic number= #314 }} / [[On the balcony]]
/ Kari Proctor: Can I join you?
/ Valeria Steele: Sure.
/ Kari: You want to talk?
/ Val: Not really.
/ Kari: Good. Because I think... What? / Val: You mean about us, right? You've told me how you feel, I've told you how I feel. Unless something has changed, I'm not thinking we need to go over it all again.
/ Kari: Oh. / [[silent penultimate panel]] / Kari: Can I tell you about how i beat up a fake zombie with a heart-shaped electric guitar?
/ Val: Hell, YEAH!
/ {{Quick reference: Comic #300}} / {{There's a guy somewhere out there with the other half of that story. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic314.html |
| #315 - This Is PNN | {{comic title= This Is PNN }}
/ {{comic number= #315 }} / [[Basement; Byron, Trevor and Ping play cards.]]
/ Byron: Why don't the TV news shows hire psychics, so they'd know what's GOING to happen?
/ Trevor: Good question!
/ Ping: that's brilliant! / Byron: Ya know, we should do that! Start our own news channel! With psychics!
/ Trevor: Totally!
/ Ping: Yeah, we... But now we can't!
/ Trevor: Why not? / Ping: Since we were going to do it, now all the psychics know it's going to happen. So they'll go do it FIRST!
/ Byron: Dammit! The robot's right!
/ Trevor: Crap! / [[TV-Screen showing the Psychic News Network]]
/ Anchorlady: After the break, the results for next month's elections! And we'll tell you which beloved celebrity will die over the weekend! / {{If I had a million dollars for every great business plan developed with a group of guys while drinking, I'd be SO RICH!}} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Byron}} {{Ping}} {{TV}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic315.html |
| #316 - Round Three | {{comic title= Round Three }}
/ {{comic number= #316 }} / [[In the Office]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Are you going to continue staring at me until I give in?
/ Kari Proctor: That's the plan.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Let me finish typing this. "It's ... admirable, ... but... a contest... of wills... which... she... will... lose..." / Kari: Look, if you don't want to teach me, that's fine. I'll just cross through the portal and learn as I go. No problem.
/ Dr. Eldritch: HA! Setting aside just how terrible that idea is, and it IS really, REALLY terrible, good luck on getting through the portal in the first place.
/ Kari: What do you mean? / Dr. Eldritch: You see, it's not predictable. The cross-dimensional vortex doesn't manifest in only one location, it wanders. It opens and closes randomly. You never know what's on the other side. I'm amazed that Val is so successful in using it for getting around. / Kari: That's a great idea! I'll have Val teach me!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ack! Curse my pedantry! / {{ I... DON'T... ACTUALLY... KEY... IN... THE... DOTS... WHEN... I... TYPE....}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic316.html |
| #317 - Round 4 | {{comic title= Round 4 }}
/ {{comic number= #317 }} / [[in the kitchen, Kari is still following Dr. Eldritch to convince him to train her]]
/ kari Proctor: I know it's dangerous, but I don't think that's the REAL reason you don't want to teach me.
/ Dr. Eldritch: *SIGH!* Okay. Fine. It's because I've never broken up with a girlfriend.
/ Kari: HUH?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Every woman I've been romantically involved with has died horribly. / Kari: You mean... YOU...?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I never! It's always accidents, monster attacks or evil adversaries using them to get at me. Even though you wouldn't be a girlfriend, I can't help but feel that taking you on as an apprentice is signing your death warrant.
/ Dr. Eldritch: If anything happened... I'm not sure I could take it. / Kari: Aw, that's sweet! Can we start on Monday?
/ Dr. Eldritch: WHAT? Didn't you hear what I just said?
/ Kari: Uh huh. But just LIVING here is dangerous. How would you feel is something horrible happened to me that could have been PREVENTED if I had training? / Kari: That reminds me, I was going to ask Val about the portal.
/ Dr. Eldritch: You're not getting to me!
/ Kari: Uh huh. Later! / {{ Of course, her point is a pretty good argument for kicking her out of the house. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic317.html |
| #318 - Bluffing? | {{comic title= Round 4 }}
/ {{comic number= #317 }} / [[Living Room; Kari wears a military helmet. Val stands next to her. Dr. Eldritch enters.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: What's going on?
/ Kari Proctor: Val's going to show me how to use the portal. Don't worry, I'm taking a pointy stick.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Don't think that I don't know what you're doing.
/ Kari: What do you mean? / Dr. Eldritch: I wasn't born yesterday. You're intentionally making me worry that you'll blithely head off into danger, so agreeing to train you will seem like a far more desirable choice. / Kari: Wow! So YOU know that I know that YOU know I'm shamelessly manipulating you. / Kari: And yet, it's still working.
/ Dr. Eldritch: AAUGH! I KNOW! / {{ Don't underestimate the value of a Pointy Stick. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic318.html |
| #319 - Bargain | {{comic title= Bargain }}
/ {{comic number= #319 }} / [[Still in the living room.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Okay, you win. But it's tradition that an applicant must qualify for apprenticeship by winning a challenge.
/ Kari Proctor: It is?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I don't make up stuff. Now IF you succeed, I will take you on as an apprentice. / Dr. Eldritch: But if you FAIL, you'll drop this misguided idea of self-guided training and stop pestering me to teach you. Agreed?
/ Kari: Instead, how about...
/ Dr. Eldritch [[interrupting]]: No. That's the offer. Take it or leave it.
/ Kari: Fine, deal. What's my challenge? / Dr. Eldritch: You must pin Trevor in a wrestling match.
/ Kari: What? He's TWICE my weight! And he's a TROLL!
/ Dr. Eldritch: nothing in the rules says I have to make it easy.
/ Kari: Well, it's not fair! / Dr. Eldritch: If the world was fair, people who exploit someone's concern for their well-being would get a very difficult challenge, indeed.
/ Kari: That's exactly what happened!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Hey! Then the world is more fair than I thought!
/ [[A gnome sits on Gary the Clock in the background, waving at the observer]] /
/ {{ Hence the word CHALLENGE! }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic319.html |
| #320 - Fixing | {{comic title= Fixing }}
/ {{comic number= #320 }} / [[Exercise Room; Kari and Trevor stand on mats, with Eldritch, Ping, Val, Byron and Nahina watching]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ready?
/ Trevor: Yes! YES!
/ Kari Proctor [[to Dr. Eldritch]]: Just a moment! / Kari [[to Trevor]]: If you let me pin you, I'll show you my bra.
/ Trevor: While you're wearing it?
/ Kari: Of course.
/ Trevor: How about flash me, no bra!
/ Kari: Not going to happen. / Trevor: Hmmm.... Then show me FIRST!
/ Kari: No, after. And no groping while we wrestle.
/ Trevor: Dang it!
/ Kari: We got a deal?
/ Trevor: Um... Oh... Er... Okay! Deal! / Kari [[to Dr. Eldritch]]: NOW I'm ready.
/ Dr. Eldritch: This is not how it's supposed to go.
/ Trevor: Come on! Let's get to the good stuff! / {{ She probably would have gotten the same result with $20 of Buffalo Wings. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Trevor}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic320.html |
| #321 - Deal's A Deal | {{comic title= Deal's A Deal }}
/ {{comic number= #321 }} / [[Kari Proctor and Trevor are about to wrestle. Dr. Eldritch is the referee, Ping, Byron and Val watch]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ready... BEGIN! / Caption: Four seconds later....
/ [[Kari has Trevor pinned to the ground with an armlock.]]
/ Trevor: Oh! I'm pinned!
/ Valeria Steele: You rock, Girl!
/ Byron: Good on you!
/ Ping: DRAT! Here! [[Hands money to Dr. Eldritch.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Thank You! / {{ Most fights against a Troll take about that long, but the Human doesn't win. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} {{Byron}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic321.html |
| #322 - Payback | Trevor: OKAY! OKAY! PAY UP!
/ Kari: So, are you angry?
/ Dr. E: Angry? No. Officially, I don't approve, of course / [Kari lifts her shirt to show Trevor her bra]
/ Trevor: Oooooohh!
/ Kari: And unofficially?
/ Dr. E: You used intelligence to defeat a more powerful opponent. That's an important skill. / Kari: Well, I knew I couldn't win in a fair match.
/ Trevor: Um. . . Gotta Go!
/ Dr. E: First Rule, strike the word "fair" from your vocabulary. / Kari: Then how can I talk about a science fair or fair weather?
/ Dr. E: Second rule, nobody likes a Smart-Ass Apprentice.
/ Kari: That's not so much a rule, as an observation.
/ Dr. E: Ah, ah! Rule Two! [finger pointing up in the air] / [[Somehow, I doubt she's going to care much about Rule Two.]] http://askdreldritch.com/comic322.html |
| #323 - Ramifications | [[Hallway. Dr. Eldritch and Kari walking along.]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Before we make this commitment, you should know that as master and apprentice, we can never, ever, EVER have sex.
/ Kari: Okay. / Dr. Eldritch: You want to think about that before you answer so quickly? I mean absolutely for sure, NEVER EVER.
/ Kari: I know.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Fine. / Kari: Well, just between us, I do want you. Despite my hot, throbbing passion for you, I've come to accept that this desperate longing won't ever be consummated, and it's best that we never breath a word about this again for the rest of our lives.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Huh. / Dr. Eldritch: Even though I know you're totally patronizing me, that's surprisingly satisfying.
/ Kari: So we're good now?
/ Dr. Eldritch: You bet! / {{Sometimes, helping someone maintain their illusions is the nicest thing you can do.}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic323.html |
| #324 - The Oath | {{comic title= The Oath }}
/ {{comic number= #324 }} / [[Dr. Eldritch's office, Dr. Eldritch hands Kari a note]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Finally, to make it official, we must now perform the traditional oath sworn by masters and apprentices in our trade for a thousand generations. Here, I've written down your part.
/ Kari Proctor: Wow! / Dr. Eldritch: *AHEM* I take you as my apprentice. I'll teach you what I can.
/ Kari: Um... I accept, and I'll try to not do anything stupid that will get us killed. Wait, where's the rest?
/ Dr. Eldritch: That's it. / Kari: THIS is an ancient ritual?
/ Dr. Eldritch: The original was much too long, so I summarized. Now, there's one final act of initiation you must perform... / [[In the kitchen]
/ Kari: Somehow I doubt "Eat a bowl of ice cream" was part of the original ceremony.
/ Dr. Eldritch: I like to add my own touches. / {{ Most ritual ceremonies are much better for being summarized. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic324.html |
| #325 - Relationship Troubles | {{comic title= Relationship Troubles }}
/ {{comic number= #325 }} / [[Breakfast table in the kitchen]]
/ Trevor: Can I get some advice?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Of course! What's on your mind? / Trevor: Evisceratina just wants me for sex. She brings over a couple of pizzas, we do it, eat the pizzas, do it again, and she goes away.
/ Dr. Eldritch: And you want more?
/ Trevor: Yeah. / Dr. Eldritch: Well, you should tell her how you feel. She may say no, but if you don't ask, it's unlikely things will change. Do you know what it is you want that you're not getting now? / Trevor: Sure, a bucket of chicken, or maybe some sandwiches.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Whoa! I was WAY over-thinking this one.
/ Trevor: And would it kill her to do it a third time? /
/ {{ I don't know. Maybe it would. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic325.html |
| #326 - Halloween 2007 | {{comic title= Halloween 2007 }}
/ {{comic number= #326 }} / [[At a Halloween party. A banner reads: Happy Halloween 2007! ]]
/ Hostess: WHAT THE HELL? Another whole tray of taquitos, and they're GONE!?!
/ Trevor: Thanks! I'd like to see you without your costume, too!
/ Dentista: HEE! You're naughty!
/ PartyGuest: oh my God! What are they doing?
/ Mobiletalker: What? I said at a party! What? No, It's rubbish!
/ Someoneelse: No, I really am a doctor.
/ Answering guy: Okay! Then let's play prince and princess!
/ Girllyingflatonthesofa: HEE! Stop! That TICKLES! / / {{ I don't know. Maybe it would. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic326.html |
| #327 - ILTPAM | {{comic title= ILTPAM }}
/ {{comic number= #327 }}
/ {{Quick link: http://askdreldritch.com/comic170.html}} / [[Living room: Kari and Val are watching TV together]]
/ Kari Proctor: You want to write a novel this month, too?
/ Valeria Steele: Not my thing. I found a dimension where the dinosaurs didn't die out. I'm going to poke about there for a while.
/ Kari: That sounds dangerous.
/ Val: Yeah. That is kinda the point.
/ TV: You say you've developed a fool-proof plan to remove the influence of big money from our government?
/ TV: Yes. That's correct. / Kari: Don't you like it here?
/ Val: Sure, but I get bored.
/ Kari: I won't get to see you. We won't hang out.
/ Val: Between working, training and writing, you're going to be real busy.
/ TV: Would you tell us about that?
/ TV: No, I don't think so. / Kari: No fair bringing logic into this!
/ Val: Just being realistic.
/ Kari: I've enjoyed doing stuff with you.
/ Val: Yeah, it's been cool.
/ TV: Um... That IS why you're here.
/ TV: True. But right before the show, I got an exclusive offer from a consortium of defense contractors. / Kari: You're really just going away so I'll worry, right?
/ Val: Ha! You know, not everything is about you!
/ Kari: Now, that's just crazy talk.
/ TV: But that means they've seized control of the only thing that could prevent corporate totalitarianism!
/ TV: Yeah, but who cares? I'm freakin' RICH! / {{Hey, it's National Novel Writing Month! Wanna write 50,000 words between Nov 1 and 30th? It's FUN! }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{TV}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic327.html |
| #328 - Ground Rules 1 | {{comic title= Ground Rules 1 }}
/ {{comic number= #328 }} / [[In the library, Kari sits opposite of Dr. Eldritch; Sudbury watches TV on the bookshelf]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Your agreeing to be an apprentice includes doing whatever I ask, without question or complaint.
/ Kari Proctor: I'm not wearing that cheerleader outfit again.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Did you understand what I just said?
/ Kari: Sure, but I'm not going to do stupid things just for your amusement. / [[ Silent panel ]] / [[ penultimate silent panel ]] / [[Kari has changed into a cheerleader outfit]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Okay, anything else you want to tell me you're not going to do?
/ Kari: No.
/ Dr. Eldritch: See, you've already learned something! / {{ Isn't the main reason to have pets, children or apprentices is so you can mess with them? }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Sudbury}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic328.html |
| #329 - Ground Rules 2 | {{comic title= Ground Rules 2 }}
/ {{comic number= #329 }} / [[Library, Kari is still in her Cheerleader outfit]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: During our lesson time, you will be know by your apprentice name: Bob.
/ Kari Proctor: BOB?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Yes.
/ Kari: Why BOB? / Dr. Eldritch: I've always wanted to have an apprentice named Bob.
/ Kari: Oh, I get it! This is one of those off-the-wall things you say because you think you're funny.
/ Dr. Eldritch: This is my journal. Read what it says, here. / Kari: "If I ever have an apprentice, I think I'll call him or her 'Bob.' That seems the perfect name."
/ Dr. Eldritch: Thanks.... / Dr. Eldritch: Bob.
/ Kari: Hey! March 13,... 1927?
/ {{ Wouldn't it be fun to say 'Make me another daiquiri, Bob?' }} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Sudbury}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic329.html |
| #330 - Dust On, Dust Off | {{comic title= Dust On, Dust Off }}
/ {{comic number= #330 }} / [[Living Room]]
/ Dr. Eldritch: Okay, Bob, your training begins. Dust the entire first floor.
/ Kari Proctor: WHAT? That's... Oh, I get it! This is like the movies, where there's a lesson hidden in the mundane task?
/ Dr. Eldritch: No, It's just really dusty.
/ Kari: but why am I doing it? / Dr. Eldritch: Apprentices are ALWAYS assigned tedious and menial tasks.
/ Kari: But what am I learning?
/ Dr. Eldritch: I don't know. it's just how it's done.
/ Kari: Well, that's stupid, there should... / [[ Silent panel, Kari is looking at Dr. Eldritch, who has his arms crossed]] / Kari: Never mind. I'll be dusting now.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Can't you just FEEL the learning happening? / {{ Actually, I think it's just to see how much crap you'll put up with. }} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic330.html |
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