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| #421 - Papers | {{Comic 421}} {{Papers}} / [[Dr. R. Eldritch and Kari Proctor exercise in the gym]]
/ Eldritch: The DMV insisted on seeing a birth certificate to renew my driver's license! When I was born, birth certificates hadn't been invented yet.
/ Kari: So what did you do?
/ Eldritch: Well, I have a new one made every twenty years or so. / Kari: Wait, every HOW long?
/ Eldritch: Even if I had an official one, nobody would believe my REAL birthdate.
/ Kari: You use a forged document? YOU? / Eldritch: I know, I tell people that it's best not to break the law. Yet it's getting harder to function in society without proper documentation. But it's not like bureaucrats really look all that closely. / Eldritch: For awhile, my birth certificate had my name as "R. Eldritch, Ph.D" and nobody said a thing about it.
/ Kari: HEE! A baby with a doctorate!
/ Eldritch: I know! And before the Internet! / {{Seriously, though, a baby with a Ph.D. could get into the very best preschools.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic421.html |
| #422 - Norphan | {{Comic 422}} {{Norphan}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor exercise.]] / Kari: So, what IS your first name, anyway?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Only my parents called me by it. Tragically, they both died several years before I was born. / Dr. Eldritch: And, ironically, none of my grandparents or great-grandparents ever had any children.
/ Kari: Oh, so they adopted? / Dr. Eldritch: No, there's a recessive gene in both family lines, that causes "fullofitosis:", so it was impossible for any of them to adopt.
/ Kari: You are so full of it. / Dr. Eldritch: See! It's genetic!
/ Kari: I TOTALLY walked into that one, didn't I? / {{It's like a card trick without the cards}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic422.html |
| #423 - Affirmative | {[Comic 423)) ((Affirmative}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor exercise.]] / Eldritch: Let's not make a big deal about this, but if you want to stage another pageant, you have my full support.
/ Kari: What? You said "Yes!?!" When you say you'll thing about it, you...
/ Eldritch: I know. We covered that. But this does prove that sometimes I do say "Yes." / Kari: What brought about this change of heart?
/ Eldritch: After a conversation with Val last week, I was thinking that sometimes, on occasion, I can be a little self-centered.
/ Kari: Mmmm. /
/ Eldritch: Look, I'm not defending it, but I built my career on telling people what to do. When you've spent as many years as I have being the person who knows the best way to handle situations, you may find your focus narrowing a bit as well. But I'm still capable of being sensitive and concerned about the people around me. / Eldritch: For example, I can tell you've been working very, very hard to not make a snarky comment right now.
/ Kari: Yes! I thought I was going to explode! / {{Well, it IS inadvisable to mock someone when you're trying to get their cooperation}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic423.html |
| #424 - Pageant Talk | {{Comic 424}} {{Pageant Talk}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor wait for an elevator]]
/ Eldritch: I'd like to see this done with the least possible effort.
/ Kari: You're missing the point. It's a pageant! It's suppose to be a lot of fuss. With, you know, pageantry.
/ <<*PING!*>> / <<*SSSSSSHHH!*>>
/ Eldritch: I suppose you're going to want time to practice, time to prepare costumes, or time to go shopping.
/ Kari: Well, yes. All of the above. We'll need a lot of time to do this right. / Eldritch: Couldn't we just throw it together and declare everyone a winner?
/ Kari: Are you saying you think we're as easily fooled as some megalomaniacal extradimensional entity? / <<*SSSSSSHHH!*>>
/ Eldritch: No! God, no! I wasn't saying that at all. I was saying... I acknowledge your feelings, and I'll do what I can to support you.
/ Kari: Patronizing, but I'll accept it. / {{Yes, there will be pomp}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic424.html |
| #425 - Planning | {{Comic 425}} {{Planning}} / [[Kitchen. Dr. Eldritch, Kari Proctor, and Valeria Steele sit at the table.]]
/ Eldritch: How about Ping and Byron?
/ Val and Kari: NO!
/ Eldritch: Why not?
/ Kari: They're Trevor's buddies!
/ Val: No way they're impartial. / Eldritch: Ed already said he'd judge. Do you really need more than one?
/ Kari: Of course! And it should be an odd number. You are surprisingly ignorant about pageants. / Eldritch: I judged a contest once, for Spring Break. Being an advice columnist sometimes has its benefits.
/ Kari: You won't be qualified to judge this, as there won't be any wet clothing. / Eldritch: Hey! What if...
/ Kari and Val: NO! / {{Not REALLY suggesting it. Just getting even for the "Surprisingly Ignorant" comment.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Valeria Steele}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic425.html |
| #426 - Holiday | {{Comic 426}} {{Holiday}} / [[Ping, Trevor, and Byron are cloud-gazing on a hill, Calvin and Hobbes style]] / Trevor: Does anyone know what the deal is with the Fourth of July?
/ Byron: Yeah, I saw part of a documentary. The humans defended the Earth against aliens.
/ Trevor: Sweet!
/ Byron: I know! / Byron: And after they won, they set off fireworks to celebrate blowing up the aliens' mother ship.
/ Trevor: See, I never knew that. / Ping: You could say we've all learned something about fireworks today!
/ Trevor and Byron: HAHAHAHAHA!
/ Byron: Sure did! / Trevor: Speaking of which, is it still burning?
/ Ping: OH, yeah.
/ <<*woooo!*>>
/ Trevor: Hey, look! Firetrucks!
/ Byron: Cool! / {{We now pay tribute to our National Heroes, like Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Byron}} {{Ping}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic426.html |
| #427 - Follow-Up | ((Comic 427}} {{Follow-Up}} / [[Dr. Eldritch answers the door to the Evil Scouts]]
/ Eldritch: Are you here to deliver my flag?
/ Robby: What flag?
/ Eldritch: The one I bought back in March, FROM YOU. / Robby: I don't remember that, but if you can show us a receipt...
/ Eldritch: You didn't give me one!
/ Robby: Uh huh. Trying to scam children is WRONG, Sir. / Eldritch: You're the ones scamming me!
/ Robby: Sure. We'll tell the police, and see who they believe. Or for twenty dollars, this can all just go away. / Eldritch: My god, I hate you two.
/ Robby: OOOH, that really hurts! / {{The only way this would have been more evil is if they'd sold an Extended Warranty with it}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Eldritch}} {{Robby}} {{Bobby}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic427.html |
| #428 - Exclusive | {{Comic 428}} {{Exclusive}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Robby and Bobby are at the front door of Mounthgate Hall]] / Eldritch: Before you go; do the Evil Scouts allow atheist or gay people to join?
/ Robby: No, we have to be openly straight and monotheistic. / Eldritch: I figured you'd be prejudiced.
/ Robby: Prejudiced? No! We don't care.
/ Eldritch: Why bar them, then? / Robby: If we gave them a place to go, accepted them regardless of faith or gender orientation, that would be really GOOD.
/ Eldritch: And you're...
/ Robby: Exactly. / Robby: It's nothing personal. We just want to perpetuate discrimination in a society ostensibly based on equality and opportunity.
/ Eldritch: You scare me.
/ Robby and Bobby: YAY! / {{Oh, well, it's not PERSONAL. That's a relief.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{ Dr. Eldritch }} {{Bobby, the Evil Scout}} {{Robby, the Evil Scout}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic428.html |
| #429 - Deprogram | {{Comic 429}} {{Deprogram}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Ping sit in his office]] / Eldritch: With your permission, I'd like to remove your override code. Zastro might try to use it again.
/ Ping: So nobody could ever take control of me?
/ Eldritch: Exactly.
/ Ping: No, I don't think so.
/ Eldritch: Okay, let's... Wait. What? / Ping: Couldn't we just change the code so only you know it?
/ Eldrich: Probably. Are you sure you want the vulnerability? / Ping: When I only knew Zastro and his computers, I didn't mind the thought of destroying all human life. But now, that doesn't feel right.
/ Eldritch: Uh huh. I still don't follow. / Ping: Think about it: What if I went on a rampage?
/ Eldritch: Ah! We:l, of course. We wouldn't want that.
/ Ping: No! I could kill millions! MILLIONS! / {{Plus, it's much better to be stopped by an Override Command than Plasma Cannon.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Ping}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic429.html |
| #430 - Higher Ed | {{Comic 430}} {{Higher Ed}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor eat ice cream in the breakfast nook. It's somewhere where there are moai today]] / Kari: Why aren't swords one of the ancient hand weapons?
/ Eldritch: SOME academics argue that swords are essentially long daggers. These people have never used a sword for anything other than roasting marshmallows.
/ Kari: Oh, we hate them!
/ Eldritch: Very good. / Eldritch: My stance is that effective swords require technological development, and employ substantially different tactical functions. Therefore, they are a separate category.
/ Kari: Couldn't everyone just all agree on a definition?
/ Eldritch: Yes, but that would go against the purpose of professional academia.
/ Kari: Um... educating students? / Eldritch: No! Publishing academic papers! Especially those that challenge the current paradigm, so other academics can attack and criticize them.
/ Kari: Ah. To advance knowledge. / Eldritch: Not really. Mostly to perpetuate debates, so professors look like an asset to the university.
/ Kari: Silly me. I thought it involved teaching.
/ Eldritch: That's what grad students are for. / {{How will administrators know you're a genius if you're not insisting that all the other people in your field are idiots?}} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic430.html |
| #431 - Convincing | {{Comic 431}} {{Convincing}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor bring in groceries]]
/ Kari: What if I'm in line at the grocery store, and some guy in front of me is reading all the headlines on the tabloids aloud?
/ Kari: And he's got TWENTY-THREE items in the express lane. / [[They are now in the kitchen]]
/ Kari: And a bunch of coupons, but they're not actually for products that he's buying. And half are expired. He waits until the cashier announces his total before he looks for his money. He has a dollar and seventy-three cents. In coins. / [[They are now in Dr. Eldritch's office]]
/ Kari: He pulls out a debit card, and announces that there's not enough money in the account to cover the rest, causing a LONG discussion with the cashier about which items to put back.
/ Kari: And just as the cashier hands him the receipt, he says "Oh, wait! I need a pack of smokes!" / Eldritch: Okay! Okay! We'll start your hand-to-hand combat training!
/ Kari: YAY!
/ Eldritch: But you still can't punch people at the grocery store!
/ Kari: AWW! / {{There should be a special line for people like that, but the people who SHOULD use it would always assume it doesn't apply to THEM}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic431.html |
| #432 - Lessoning | {{Comic 432}} {{Lessoning}} / [[Training Room. Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor wear workout clothes.]] / Eldritch: Okay, now hit me with the staff.
/ Kari: Oh, no! I've seen the movies. You'll dodge, disarm me and do something unpleasant to teach me some lesson.
/ Eldritch: I guess there's no fooling you. Hit me anyway. / Kari: Seriously? I don't want to hurt you.
/ Eldritch: Kari, THAT"S what this exercise is really about. You need to accept that training is dangerous and you WILL hurt me in the process. Rather than have you worry about when it will first happen, we're just going to get that bit over with, okay?
/ Kari: Oh. Okay! / {{Kari swings...}} / <<*THUMP!*>>
/ Kari: OW! OW! OW!
/ Eldritch: Huh. I guess I didn't feel like getting hit after all.
/ Kari: I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN! / {{Moral: Be very cautious when someone asks you to hit them}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{A Curious Gremlin}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic432.html |
| #433 - Opportunity | ((Comic 433}} {{Opportunity}} / [[Front Door. The Evil Scouts visit once again]] / Robby: Can we get your email address for my spam merit badge?
/ Eldritch: No time today, boys. I've got to get to the hardware store. I'm building a death ray in my basement. / Eldritch: Um... I probably shouldn't have told you that. Let's just forget I said anything, okay?
/ Robby: Sure, Mister.
/ Eldritch: Thanks! Good luck with that badge! / Robby: You stand guard, and I'll go get the death ray!
/ Bobby: No way! You'll just take it for yourself!
/ Robby: No, I won't! Scout's Honor! / Robby and Bobby: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
/ Bobby: Good one! Let's go get it. / {{This will be good for the Stealing Merit Badge! BWAHAHAHAHA!}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{ Dr. Eldritch }} {{Bobby, the Evil Scout}} {{Robby, the Evil Scout}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic433.html |
| #434 - Fate | {{Comic 434}} {{Fate}} / [[Evil Scouts, in the basement]] / Robby: Oh, come on! What's the worst that could haaaaaaaAAAAAAAUGH!! / {{Oh. Well, yeah, there's that.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Robby}} {{Bobby}} {{Trevor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic434.html |
| #435 - It's a Hobby | [[Gary, Walter and Kevin stand in the Living Room]]
/ [[silent panel]] / [[silent panel]] / <*BZZZZZZZZ*>
/ Kevin: AAAUGH!
/ Gary and Walter: HAHAHAHAHAHA! / Kevin: DAMMIT! Why do you keep putting my phone on VIBRATE?
/ Gary: If you could see yourself, you wouldn't have to ask! / {{Hey, we should film this and put it on YouTube!}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic435.html |
| #436 - Unconventional | ((Comic 436}} {{Unconventional}} / [[Kari Proctor and Valaria Steele (aka Namaste Butterfly Spirit O'Hare) lie on the cloud-watching knoll]]
/ Kari: Another year, another Comic-Con I've missed. Have you ever gone?
/ Val: I tried, a few years ago.
/ Kari: What happened? / [[Flashback Val and Silver Catgirl in front of a convention center]]
/ Silver Catgirl: Who are YOU dressed as?
/ Val: Me.
/ Silvern Catgirl: OOH, are you FAMOUS?
/ Val: No, I'm just me.
/ Silvern Catgirl: I like you! You're CUTE!
/ Val: And I feel kinda weird even talking to you. / Silvern Catgirl: HEE! Wanna go up to my room?
/ Val: That's sweet but...
/ Silvern Catgirl: I'm eighteen!
/ Val: Good, but...
/ Silvern Catgirl: I'll leave the ears on!
/ Val: Let's go. / [[return to knoll]]
/ Val: Oh, I never made it past the front door.
/ Kari: Yeah, I hear the place gets PACKED. / {{I have no PROOF that such things happen at comic conventions, but one hears stories around the campfire...}}
/ {{Appearances}} {{Val}} {{Kari}} {{Catgirl}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic436.html |
| #437 - Pretty MePrincess | {{comic title= Pretty MePrincess }}
/ {{comic number= #437 }} / [[Kari Proctors' bedroom, Kari is chatting with me_prince$$]]
/ PC: dogwalkerPDX in a chat with: me_prince$$:
/ me_prince$$: My brilliant idea, let me tell you it!
/ dogwalkerPDX: OK
/ me_prince$$: You know how terrorists are always unattractive? The airport people should only let good-looking people onto planes! Problem solved! / PC: dogwalkerPDX in a chat with: me_prince$$:
/ dogwalkerPDX: Yeah, no way THAT could go wrong.
/ me_prince$$: I know! Plus, other benefits.
/ dogwalkerPDX: Do tell.
/ me_prince$$: Well, waiting areas wouldn't be filled with ugly people any more. It would make flying fun again! / PC: dogwalkerPDX in a chat with: me_prince$$:
/ dogwalkerPDX: So, you'd have Security Agents making the call on this?
/ me_prince$$: No! Special-trained judges. Your rating would be on your drivers license!
/ dogwalkerPDX: I guess you've really thought this through. But I do see a problem.
/ me_prince$$: :-( What? / PC: dogwalkerPDX in a chat with: me_prince$$:
/ dogwalkerPDX: With all those beautiful people together, you might not be the prettiest person in the room.
/ me_prince$$: ARG! U R right. Still, I can make that sacrifice for my country.
/ dogwalkerPDX: If only everyone had your patriotic spirit.
/ me_prince$$: TOTALLY! / / {{ Seriously, sarcasm is lost on Me_Prince$$. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{ Me_Princess (Chat) }} http://askdreldritch.com/comic437.html |
| #438 - Job Titling | {{Comic 438}} {{Job Titling}} / [[Kari Proctor at a house party, talking to a bald PartyGuy with a goatee]] / Kari: Quality Control Auditor? Must be fascinating.
/ PartyGuy: It is! And what do you do?
/ Kari: Dogwalker, and apprentice to be an..um..uhhh... / [[Dr.Eldritch and Kari in Eldritch's office. Sudbury is missing.]]
/ Kari: What do I tell people I'm training to do?
/ Eldritch: Something too tedious for them to want to hear any more about it, like Ham-Radio Repair or Quality Control Auditing.
/ Kari: Let me rephrase that. When my apprenticeship is over, what jobs will I be qualified for? / Eldritch: This isn't like learning to be a wainwright or cooper. But telling people you make barrels might be sufficiently boring.
/ Kari: What do you call what you do?
/ Eldritch: Advice Columnist. But you'll need to figure out your own niche.
/ Kari: You're not being very helpful. / Eldritch: Fine, tell people you'll be a Business Systems Consultant.
/ Kari: Ugh. That's bland.
/ Eldritch: Perfect! / {{Of course, there's always the risk that you'll run into an actual Business Systems Consultant and he'll want to talk shop}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{PartyGuy}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic438.html |
| #439 - Faectual | {{Comic 439}} {{Faectual}} / [[Dr. Eldritch and Kari Proctor eat lunch in the breakfast nook. It shows the Great Wall of China]] / Eldritch: I don't want to frighten you, but you should know that there are non-human beings living in the mansion.
/ Kari: Duh. Byron and Trevor.
/ Eldritch. Well, yes. But I'm talking about the Fae Folk. / Kari: You mean there are fairies, elves and leprechauns running around here?
/ Eldritch: No leprechauns that I know of, but yes.
/ Kari: Oh. Okay. / Eldritch: That's it? No "Faeries aren't real" or even a "You've got to be kidding?"
/ Kari: Seriously? After all the weird stuff I've seen during the last couple years?
/ Eldritch: Good point. / Eldritch: Can I still give you the speech I prepared about how you need to accept the reality of fairies?
/ Kari: If I said "No", would it stop you?
/ Eldritch: Ah, you know me so well! / {{Oh, and Gnomes. Who LARP. No, really!}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic439.html |
| #440 - Pixielated | {{Comic 440}} {{Pixielated}} / [[Dr. Eldritch's office]] / Dr. Eldritch: Kari, meet Nahina.
/ Kari Proctor: EEEE! A FAIRY!
/ Eldritch: Pixie, actually. Careful, I think she bites. / Kari: Oh, but...wait. Is this where I say "No, not her! She's too pretty!", then when I put my hand out, she bites me, and you get to say "I told you so?"
/ Eldritch: Well done, Bob!
/ Nahina: HEE! Nahina mostly harmless! / {{Approximately 53,317 people are killed each year when they try to cuddle a Koala and discover that 'Cute' does not equal 'Friendly'.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Nahina}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic440.html |
| #441 - Threats | {{Comic 441}} {{Threats}} / [[Kari Proctor and Nahina are in a Montmouth hallway]] / Kari: YOU'RE the one who's been stealing my socks?
/ Nahina: HEE! You have pretty hair!
/ Kari: Nice try... / Kari: Give back the socks or there WILL be trouble.
/ Nahina: Bring it, human. / Kari: This isn't a battle I can win, is it?
/ Eldritch: She's small, supernatural, and ruthless. You tell me.
/ Nahina: HEE! Nahina loves RAINBOWS! / {{Threats are just 'treats' with an extra 'h'.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Nahina}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic441.html |
| #442 - Practical | {{Comic 442}} {{Practical}} / [[Entryway. Dr. Boffin, Dr. Sillyknickers, Kari Proctor, and Dr. Eldritch.]] / Boffin: Dr. Eldritch, Dr. Sillyknickers. He's giving me a ride to the Mad Scientists' Convention.
/ Sillyknickers: Doctor.
/ Eldritch: Doctor. / Kari: So, what exactly is that contraption?
/ Sillyknickers: You know how the best ideas happen while one is in the shower, and they can't be written down? The Ablution-Emulator simulates the ideal concept-developing conditions, facilitating generation and capture.
/ Kari: Can I see it work?
/ Sillyknickers: Certainly! / < http://askdreldritch.com/comic442.html |
| #443 - Conversation | {{Comic 443}} {{Conversation}} / [[Darla, the Lovely Assistant, and Valeria Steele are on the cloud watching knoll]] / Darla: I'm driving a rally next weekend, you want to be navigator?
/ Val: I'll pass.
/ Darla: Can't read a map?
/ Val: HA! If I'm going to go that fast, I want to be the one driving.
/ Darla: Suit yourself. / Val: Anyway, I'm busy. I'm trying to start a non-smoking, vegan roller-derby league.
/ Darla: Is that going well?
/ Val: Kinds. Some people from the clean-and-sober league want to join, but they all smoke, and some eat meat. And a bunch of the vegans refuse to skate around people who smell like smoky carnivores. / Val: Of course, practices are all non-smoking. But that just means I spend most of my time breaking up fights between nicotine-deprived meat eaters and angry wheezing vegans... / Val: Hey, are you still on the board for the center for treatment of vegetarianism?
/ Darla: You know our motto: "Hope is only a cheeseburger away." / {{It would be easier to just go back to the holistic skydiving club.}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Darla}} {{Val}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic443.html |
| #444 - Entre Nous | {{comic title= Entre Nous }}
/ {{comic number= #444 }} / [[Grounds: Darla and Val are sitting in the grass, Kari comes along]]
/ Kari Proctor: Hi, Darla! You two know each other?
/ Darla Shaughnessy: Yes. We get together every few months to drink beer and catch up. Would you like to join us?
/ Kari: Sure! / [[Kari sits down next to Val]]
/ Kari: So, what sorts of things do you talk about?
/ Darla: You know, stuff. Shoes, clothes, parties, whether we'll ever get married...
/ Valeria Steele: Our periods.
/ Darla: Oh, yes. Do you ever have days where you don't feel... fresh?
/ Kari: Um... / Darla and Val: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
/ Darla: You were right, that was fun!
/ Val: Told you.
/ Darla: Actually, we were on non-smoking, vegan roller derby, which led to speculating about the odds of being beaten by a bear. / Kari: Brown, black or Panda?
/ Darla: Ooh, good question!
/ Val: I don't think...
/ Kari: Do not underestimate the fearsome Panda! / / {{ And every time someone says a body part, day of the week or a palindrome, we drink. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Kari}} {{Val}} {{Darla}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic444.html |
| #445 - Preparation | {{Comic 445}} {{Preparation}} / [[Training Room.]]
/ Kari: Rubbing my thigh with my left hand.
/ Eldritch: Correct.
/ Kari: Is that one for real?
/ Eldritch: What's the signal for "Under duress, neutralize the person with me"?
/ Kari: Two fists, tapped together three times. / Eldritch: Very good. In a crisis, how would you summon Trevor?
/ Kari: Like this: Trevor!
/ Kari: TREVOR!
/ Kari: TREVOR!! / Eldritch: Sadly, you've been kidnapped by ninjas. Twice.
/ Kari: Wait, one more try... / Kari: FREE PUDDING!
/ < http://askdreldritch.com/comic445.html |
| #446 - Classic | {{Comic 446}} {{Classic}} / [[Gary the clock, Walter the Dresser, Kevin the Ficus]] / Gary: Third word?
/ Gary: One syllable?
/ Gary: Head? / Gary: Scalp? Hair? HAIR! Not hair?
/ Gary: No hair.
/ Gary: Doesn't have hair...HAIRLESS! / Gary: NIGHT ON HAIRLESS MOUNTAIN! NIGHT ON HAIRLESS MOUNTAIN!
/ Kevin: Time's up! / Kevin: Hairless! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
/ Walter: What the HELL, Gary? BALD! Night on BALD Mountain!
/ Gary: I told you I suck at charades! / {{The same thing happens when they play Pictionary}}
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Gary, the Clock}} {{Walter, the Dresser}} {{Kevin, the Ficus}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic446.html |
| #447 - Meeting | {{Comic 447}} {{Meeting}} / [[Dr. Eldritch, Kari Proctor and Sudbury are Dr. Eldritch's office]]
/ Eldritch: Well, that could have gone better.
/ Kari: They must think I'm an IDIOT! / [[Closeup of the kitchen counter, near the coffeepot. Kari, Barry and Randall meet. Dr. Eldritch may be off-panel]]
/ < http://askdreldritch.com/comic447.html |
| #448 - Upgrade | {{comic title = Upgrade }}
/ {{comic number= #448 }} / [[ living room ]]
/ Helen: A new release of my software is available. Shall I upgrade now?
/ Dr. Eldritch: humph. That annoys me.
/ Helen: I do?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Not you. The endless tweaking of programs. / Dr. Eldritch: I know companies like it, but to me, they're saying "Hey, we couldn't be bothered to do it right the first time, so we're going to change this on the fly!" There's no pressure on them to actually do a good job with their coding, because they can always release a patch to the upgrade. / Dr. Eldritch: And even if I'm perfectly satisfied with the current version, they'll drop support for it and no new products will work with the old version. I think that's the worst; they make it so that you really have no choice but to go along with whatever they do. / Helen: This release package includes seventeen new techniques.
/ Dr. Eldritch: So do I click "Download now" or what? / {{ But my argument still stands. }} /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Helen}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic448.html |
| #449 - Role Playing | {{comic title= Role Playing }}
/ {{comic number= #449 }} / [[ Dr. Eldritch's bedroom, Dr. E is dressed in medieval rich mans baroque-ish clothing, lying on the floor, while his housekeeper android Helen is in simple, but tidy peasants clothes and standing above him ]]
/ Helen: I'm just a peasant girl and must do whatever your Lordship demands!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Right. Then do... something you learned in your upgrade.
/ Helen: Which technique does Your Lordship desire?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Surprise me. / Helen [[lowering down on Dr. Eldritch]]: Very well!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Ohhh! Wow! That's... that's...
/ Helen: BLEARK! / [[ Helen pitches forward and falls nearly on top of Dr. E while shutting down ]]
/ << *Thump!* >>
/ Dr. Eldritch: ...Helen? / Dr. Eldritch: I meant a FUN surprise. /
/ [[ But, to be fair, that WAS unexpected. ]] /
/ {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Helen}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic449.html |
| #450 - Tech Call | {{comic title= Tech Call }}
/ {{comic number= #450 }} / [[ Office of a Tech Support Call Center, on the wall is a poster saying: You don't have to be DEAD to work here....
/ but it HELPS! ]]
/ Brad: Tech support, this is Brad. How can I help you?
/ Dr. Eldritch [[over the phone]]: My android stopped... Hey, are you UNDEAD?
/ Brad: No! Of course not!
/ Dr. Eldritch: Yes, you are! I recognize the speech patterns! / [[ Dr. Eldritch's bedroom, Helen lies on his bed, offline, Dr. E talks on phone with Brad ]]
/ Brad: Yeah, well, do you think a LIVING person could stand doing this job?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Good point, but...
/ Brad: But what? You got some sort of prejudice against the Metabolically Different?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well... / [[ Tech support call center ]]
/ Brad: Look, it shouldn't be about where I come from or what I look like. What's important is whether I can do the job. So can you put aside your bigotry while we get your sexbot fixed?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Housekeeper.
/ Brad: Whatever.
/ Dr. Eldritch: Sure, Brad. Let's do it. / [[ Dr. Eldritch's bedroom once again ]]
/ Brad: Fine, what seems to be the problem?
/ Dr. Eldritch: Well, we were in the middle of... You're thinking about eating my brains, aren't you?
/ Brad: Focus, Dude! Focus! /
/ {{ I try to be open-minded, but it throws me off when I talk to people who are thinking about devouring my flesh. }} / {{Appearances:}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Brad, tech support zombie}} {{Helen (Offline)}} http://askdreldritch.com/comic450.html |
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