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| For Love or For Archaeology | Radio Carbon Dating
/ [[A radio and a carbon molecule are holding hands and are in love. You can tell because of the heart between them.]] / They go on a date!
/ [[The radio and the carbon molecule approach a bunch of old rocks. You can tell because there is a sign next to the rocks that says 'OLD ROCKS'.]] / Radio Carbon Dating can't be done on old rocks
/ [[The radio and the carbon molecule is sad. You can tell they are sad because they have frowny faces and the carbon is crying.]] / Mouseover text: Assume they are really old rocks. The joke doesn't work otherwise. / Bottom text: / Radio: How do we stay together?
/ Carbon: The strong nuclear force http://cowbirdsinlove.com/1 |
| Sad Economist | [[Sad economist in the center.]]
/ Off: What's wrong, sad economist? / Sad economist: Nobody wants to be my friend. / Off: Cheer up. If they don't want to be your friend, it's their loss.
/ Sad economist: Friendship isn't a zero-sum game. / [[Sad economist whining.]] / Subtext: In the non-zero-sum game of friendship, iff you don?t have any friends, you are a loser. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/2 |
| Our love has flown the coop | Narrator: I've been lied to loads of times. People trying to save face, people trying to spare my feelings, people just being compulsive liars, the works. But the worst lie was when you looked me right in the face, right in my eyes and told me "no pun intended."
/ Narrator: Chickens are foul creatures, no pun intended? Really?
/ Narrator: Sure, maybe some people use "foul" all the time, whether they are describing poultry or not. But those people aren't you. I know you. Or I thought I knew you.
/ Narrator: The person I knew wouldn't lie to me. Not like that.
/ Narrator: I just don't understand. If you didn't intend the pun, why didn't you just not make it? You were obviously aware of it. How many things were you aware of, didn't intend, and let go on anyway?
/ Narrator: Our friendship? Our relationship? Our love?
/ Narrator: We are a cell phone conversation going through a tunnel. We are breaking up.
/ Narrator: Completely intentional. / {{Title Text: No blood, no fowl}} / {{Bottom Text: It?s been over for a long time.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/3 |
| I feel like I'm part of you | Male 1: Every time I leave you, I hurt a little bit more. / Male 2: I know, leaving you tears me up inside. / Text on the comic: CONJOINED TWINS...
/ Both: Let's never be apart. / [[Kissing each other.]]
/ Text on the comic: ... IN LOVE / {{Mouseover text: Make of our hearts, one heart. Make of our livers, one liver.}} / {{Bottom text: / I wish I could divorce the concept of conjoined people making out from the concept of incest. / I?m not here to talk about incest, people! I?m here to talk about people that share their organs and their love. / Why do all conjoined people have to be related?}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/4 |
| The Sense | Narrator: WHEN SOMEONE SAYS...
/ Person: you look like hell.
/ Top Hat Guy: !
/ [[two people talking]] / Narrator: THEY MAY NOT MEAN TO BE DISPARAGING.
/ Person: See?
/ Top Hat Guy: ?
/ [[Line of five people in top hats]] / Narrator: THEY MIGHT MEAN "HELL" IN THE "NO EXIT" SENSE
/ Person 2: Hell is other people
/ [[Three empty chairs person]] / Narrator: THIS HIP SATRTE REFERENCE IS SWEEPING THE NATION
/ Citizen: Like hell I'll pay taxes.
/ [[citizen gives bag of money to tax collector]] / Narrator: EVERYONE IS DOING IT
/ Man1: Do you have fury like a woman scorned?
/ Man2: No.
/ Man1: Neither did anyone else. / Narrator: MAYBE YOU SHOULD TOO?
/ Student: That test was easy as hell.
/ Student: Your mother, for instance.
/ [[student holding an A+ test]] / Alt Text: Soylent Green is hell! http://cowbirdsinlove.com/5 |
| The Architect | [[A sheet of paper with "The Plan" on top. It reads: The Nursery and there is a circle in the middle with another circle surrounding that one]] / [[Narrator holding the plan]]
/ Narrator: I thought of the plan my Freshman year of college and immediately changed my major to architecture. / Narrator: It took me six years to earn my Masters, and over 5000 hours of apprenticeship after that to become a full architect. I hated it. / [[Patrick Swayze giving the narrator a contract]]
/ Narrator: But it'll all be worth it if one day Patrick Swayze hires me to design a nursery for his baby... / Narrator: ... and he has to put it in a corner. / Narrator: I hope he appreciates the reference. / {{Title Text: Better than becoming an architect because you liked The Fountainhead.}} / {{Bottom Text: I don?t think Patrick Swayze even has any kids. / The picture of Patrick Swayze was taken by Alan Light and was licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0. license. / But eventually, Patrick Swayze will be public domain!}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/6 |
| Public Service Announcement | {{title text: Public Service Announcement}} / When you have unprotected kissing with someone...
/ {{Picture of ant}}
/ You are kissing everything they have ever eaten.
/ I ate an ant one time.
/ {{Entire comic is one panel, black background.}}
/ {{"unprotected kissing" and "kissing everything they have ever eaten are in red text, everything else in white.}} / {{Mouseover text: ...ladies?}} / {{Bottom text: Nom nom nom}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/7 |
| Brass knuckles | [[Brass knuckles]]
/ Movable type text: HECK YES!
/ {{One word on each hand.}} / Tooltip: SO AWESOME! / Subtext: You can carry a briefcase of movable type around. Carrying a briefcase was always bordering on cool anyway. Carrying something cooler than documents in it is bound to push it over the edge. Brass knuckles with movable type: When you get rich, get me some. I want two sets of characters. One in mirror writing, and one regular. Here?s a table summarizing the advantages and disadvantages of each: [omitted] When I want to use some person as my personal messageboard, I can break out the mirror type. When I wanted to keep it just between me, the victim and Leonardo da Vinci, I can take out my set of regular letters. Brass knuckles with moveable type: Just punch Leonardo da Vinci. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/8 |
| Happy New Year | Narrator: I only have two more chances. / Narrator: It's not that I didn't appreciate you before. I just had other priorities back by then. / Narrator: I should have tried to get you in 2002. That would have been perfect. / Narrator: I love you, 200X New Year's glasses http://cowbirdsinlove.com/9 |
| Anatomy of a joke | Title: ANATOMY OF A JOKE / Title: 1. Introduction
/ Blue shirt: Are those brass knuckles with moveable type?!
/ Guy with brass knuckles with movable type: Sure are, bub. / Title: 2. Set up
/ Blue shirt: Will you punch me? I want my forehead to say FUNK ROCK...
/ Guy with brass knuckles with movable type: Hey! Lots of people want to get punched. Get in line. / Title: 3. Punch line
/ [[Guy with brass knuckles with movable type knocking a happy guy (not Blue shirt), other happy people waiting in line with money, Blue shirt on the side.]] / Tooltip: Blue shirt isn't really differentiating between funk ROCK and FUNK rock / Subtext: Nobody likes a quitter http://cowbirdsinlove.com/10 |
| Good time to start reading mouseover text | {{Title text: Good time to start reading mouseover text.}} / This joke's name is hat.
/ Get it? / {{Mouseover text: What's the matter? Did the joke GO OVER YOUR HEAD?}} / {{There are two hidden jokes on this page.}} / {{SECRET TEXT, DON'T READ: There used to be a joke hidden away in the code of the page that said 'There was actually only one hidden joke. If you are still looking for the second one, I guess it was ON YOU.' / Well, the code of the page has changed, so now it's stashed away secretly in the transcript.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/11 |
| For love or antecedents | [[Two people are standing, so much in love]] / [[Hey, what's this crazy creature lifting weights?]] / It would never work out between us. / {{Mouseover: How's it hanging? By its tentacles.}} / {{Bottom: This comic reinforces gender roles, or at least hair length roles.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/12 |
| Here's a glimpse into my mind: | How much some standard phrases make me think of cannibalism:
/ [[Top of scale]] Not at all
/ A stitch in time saves nine.
/ It's not you, it's me.
/ Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk.
/ The early bird catches the worm.
/ Boom goes the dynamite.
/ It's on like Donkey Kong.
/ It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.
/ That's the way the cookie crumbles.
/ Only the good die young.
/ Nobody likes a sore loser.
/ You aren't losing a son, you're gaining a daughter.
/ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
/ The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
/ The quickest way to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.
/ Where's the beef?
/ I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
/ This'll hurt me more than it'll hurt you.
/ You're like the child I never had.
/ Woman: without her, man is nothing.
/ Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
/ Women, without her man, is nothing.
/ Too many cooks spoil the broth.
/ Mmm... eating human flesh is delicious.
/ You are what you eat.
/ [[Bottom of scale]] A whole lot / {{Mouseover: Why did this update take over a month?}} / {{Bottom: Not updating has really been EATING AWAY at me.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/13 |
| Major Announcement | Star Wars: The Writers Strike Back / I want to get paid for content online too, writers. / {{Bottom: / In reverse solidarity of the Writers Strike, I?m going to update my site daily for as long the strike is ongoing, starting Monday. / Up until this point, my updates have been infrequent and irregular. But I?m crossing the line and will personally be here to help you through your months of Colbert Report reruns and truncated Scrubs seasons. Because even though you are in despair, emotionally I?m fine. The only show I ever loved was cancelled in 2006, so I?m not personally impacted, and can be here for you. / I got into the medical school I applied to, so I?m really busy. How am I going to keep up with a daily update schedule? The answer is ?by ignoring quality control.?}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/14 |
| Fly on the wall | Margerie told Francis she didn't love him and Francis, heartbroken, chased her away with a battle bot!
/ Man: I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see that!
/ Fly: I wish I had the cognitive machinery to appreciate human behavior.
/ Wishes granted!
/ [[A human reflected many times in the compound eye of a fly]] What am I even looking at?
/ [[A fly with a gigantic brain]] / {{Mouseover: I don't actually know what brains look like.}}
/ {{Bottom: Being a Scab: Day One}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/15 |
| BJOUXZ | BJOUXZ
/ Mmm... When parents name their child, it is great if they think a little first. It's great if their kid can spell their name as a peptide, and if the letters there are in the name, they can't. The parents may think as well whether they want spelling their child's name with elements as well. Make the same mistake as my parents and the kid will regret it.
/ -Sanjay
/ Or, if you are a ribosome:
/ AUG AUG AUG UGG CAC GAG AAC CCC GCA AGG GAG AAC ACG UCG AAC GCA AUG GAG ACG CAC GAG AUU
/ AGG UGC CAC AUU UUG GAC AUU ACG AUU UCG GGG AGG GAG GCA ACG AUU UUU ACG CAC GAG UAU
/ ACG CAC AUU AAC AAA GCA UUG AUU ACG ACG UUG GAG UUU AUU AGG UCG ACG AUU ACG UCG GGG
/ AGG GAG GCA ACG AUU UUU GCA AAA AUU GAC UGC GCA AAC UCG CCC GAG UUG UUG ACG CAC GAG
/ AUU AGG AAC GCA AUG GAG GCA UCG GCA CCC GAG CCC ACG AUU GAC GAG GCA AAC GAC AUU UUU ACG
/ CAC GAG UUG GAG ACG ACG GAG AGG UCG ACG CAC GAG AGG GAG GCA AGG GAG AUU AAC ACG CAC
/ GAG AAC GCA AUG GAG ACG CAC GAG UAU UGC GCA AAC ACG ACG CAC GAG CCC GCA AGG GAG AAC ACG
/ UCG AUG GCA UAU ACG CAC AUU AAC AAA GCA UCG UGG GAG UUG UUG UGGCAC GAG ACG CAC GAG
/ AGG ACG CAC GAG UAU UGG GCA AAC ACG UCG CCC GAG UUG UUG AUU AAC GGG ACG CAC GAG AUU
/ AGG UGC CAC AUU UUG GAC UCG AAC GCA AUG GAG UGG AUU ACG CAC GAG UUG GAG AUG GAG AAC
/ ACG UCG GCA UCG UGG GAG UUG UUG AUG GCA AAA GAG ACG CAC GAG UCG GCA AUG GAG AUG AUU
/ UCG ACG GCA AAA GAG GCA UCG AUG UAU CCC GCA AGG GAG AAC ACG UCG GCA AAC GAC ACG CAC GAG
/ AAA AUU GAC UGG AUU UUG UUG AGG GAG GGG AGG GAG ACG AUU ACG UAA
/ -AGU GCA AAU j AAC UAU / {{title text: I can't spell my name with elemental symbols either. Nice going, parents.}} / {{bottom text: Every coding sequence starts with the codon for methionine, so consider that too.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/16 |
| One of these things | Title: One of these things is not like the other
/ Title: One of these things just doesn't belong / [[There are four squares, each with a word or phrase.]]
/ [[Box 1: Text in red.]]
/ Box 1: Your friends
/ [[Box 2: Text in red.]]
/ Box 2: People in general
/ [[Box 3: Text in red.]]
/ Box 3: Everyone you ever loved
/ [[Box 4: Text in black.]]
/ Box 4: You / {{Title Text: If you guessed 'People in general' because they don't get the pleasure of knowing you, you're right.}} / {{Bottom Text: Much like when you say ?I?m from the city? New Yorkers assume you mean New York City, when you say ?I grew up on the street? I assume you mean Seasame Street.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/17 |
| Great Moments in Collaboration: Part 1 | [[Angry man complaining.]]
/ Angry Man: Pearl Buck, you are all talk and no results. We gave you the Nobel prize with the assumption that you would write another classic.
/ Pearl Buck: I'm sorry.
/ Angry Man: If you don't produce another one we're going to take it back. / [[Same angry man complaining.]]
/ Angry Man: Ludacris, you are all talk and no result. We gave you the Academy Award with the assumption you would star in another classic.
/ Ludacris: I was a minor character in Crash and I didn't get an Academy Award.
/ Angry Man: And if you don't shape up, you never will. / [[Ludacris standing with huge arms and two people standing off to the side, supposedly his children.]]
/ Title: A common solution to a common problem...
/ Title: The Good Earf Starring Ludacris
/ Ludacris: HOld on to the land after I'm dead.
/ Child 1: We will, father.
/ Ludacris: You can use a garden HO.
/ Child 2: Good one, father. / {{Title Text: Shout out to everyone in the 86.}} / {{Bottom Text: It?s only Pearl Buck/Ludacris fan fiction if it doesn?t happen.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/18 |
| Great Moments in Collaboration: Part 2 | [[An angry looking person speaks.]]
/ Angry Man: Isn't putting poorly spelled captions on cats a bit played out at this point?
/ lolcat out of Panel: i is sorri :[
/ Angry Man: LOLcats, get your edge back or get off the internet. / [[Same angry man speaking.]]
/ Angry Man: Vladimir Nabokov, don't you think a novel with a child molester protagonist is a bit inaccessible?
/ Vladimir Nabokov: Probably not. I'm dead.
/ Angry Man: You'll never get a Nobel prize with that attitude. / [[Girl standing in panel.]]
/ Title: A common solution to a common problem
/ Title: LOLita by Vladimir Nabokov.
/ LOLita: i can has normul chldhud?
/ Person out of Panel: ur nymfets... giv them 2 mi / {{Title Text: If you are into pathos + lolcats, you really should check out lolsecretz.}} / {{Bottom Text: I read Lolita just so I could make this joke.
/ I hope I got Dolores?s eyes right. I know Humbert Humbert was kind of particular about that.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/19 |
| Evolutionarily stable strategies | Man 1: You must get this all the time, but...
/ Man 2: Excuse me, but that's not an evolutionarily stable strategy.
/ Man 1: What? / Man 2: Sure, "you must get this all the time, but X" makes what you were about to say a bit more original, but if everybody did that, that strategy could easily be evaded by "you must get this all the time, but you must get this all the time, but X". / Man 1: Wouldn't that strategy be too awkward to be favored?
/ Man 2: I guess you are right. / {{Mouseover: You need to go to a memetic counselor.}}
/ {{Text under the comic: Most of my audience probably hasn?t heard the term ?evolutionarily stable strategy?, but after that LOLcats joke, I have to make sure my site is still inaccesible.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/20 |
| Pinocchio and the Blue Fairy | [[Pinocchio stands with a bag of "Bacon Donuts", just about to eat one. A fuzzball with wings, arms, and a wand comes up. (Apparently it's a blue fairy)]]
/ Blue Fairy: Pinocchio, what are you doing eating that garbage? / Blue Fairy: If you want me to turn you into a real boy you have to behave yourself. And that includes realizing that you are what you eat. / [[Pinocchio holds a (very small) boy, about to eat him. The boy looks scared.]] / {{Mouseover text: To draw Pinocchio I used the Pinocchio picture on Wikipedia as a model. To draw the blue fairy I gave Navi from Ocarina of Time some arms.}}
/ {{Bottom text: If I ever get sick of making ?you are what you eat? jokes, I?ll eat my hat.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/21 |
| It was your fault you left me | I lost every point on purpose, hoping that he'd associate me with love. / But in the third set, he double faulted. A year later, he left me. / Now I'll always wonder what might have happened. / {{Mouseover: No, I just associated her with sucking at tennis.}}
/ {{Bottom: I can?t believe I?m the first person to notice that the word for zero in tennis and for the emotion that makes you want to hug are the same! Crazy!}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/22 |
| Ents in love | {{23. Ents in Love}}
/ There is this Lord of the Rings species where all the males are called Ents and all the females are called Entwives / The Ents are lonely because the Entwives left them, presumably because they found their name degrading. / To make the situation less sad, I like to imagine that some of the Ents are gay. / To make the situation more sad, I like to imagine that only one of them is gay. / To make the situation just as sad but more complicated, I like to imagine that exactly three of them are gay, the two that are together make each other miserable, and Ents mate for life. / {{Homosexuality and feminism really do go together. Thanks, Third Wave!}}
/ {{I probably didn?t need two panels of exposition. I usually assume my readership is a bunch of nerds.
/ P.S. In my research for this article, I could find zero pieces of fan fiction with an ent/ent relationship. I?m shocked and disappointed with the people that write slash fiction, honestly. Treebeard/Bill the Pony? That doesn?t even make sense!}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/23 |
| The 300 | 24. The 300 / Man 1: How could you not love that movie? It had a 10 foot tall king and a dude with swords for hands! THIS IS SPARTA! / Man 2: Well, I've drunk so much that I'm probably 150% alcohol by volume at this point. / Man 1: You are saying you were too drunk to appreciate the movie? / Man 2: No. I'm saying I'm 300 proof. / {{Honey, you're pregnant? We'll have to half a baby percent alcohol by volume the house!}} / Bottom Text: How ?come you?re not wet? Oh, my coat is water/2 percent alcohol by volume. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/24 |
| My token friend | This is James. He's my token Black friend.
/ He can't be. / Why not?
/ Counting James here, you only have two friends. That's not nearly enough. / It's true. To have a token friend, you need to have at the very minimum four friends.
/ The Facts / That's right. If you want a token friend, here are the steps you'll have to take.
/ Steps to have a token friend: 1. Get some friends. 2. Don't do it. / Mouseover: It's alright to have a token friend in this context: 'Everyone in the world is my enemy, except for this guy, my token friend.' / Bottom: If any of my friends want to cite me as an example to prove they aren?t racist against half-white half-Indian people, go ahead. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/25 |
| Conflict, ghosts and punching | < http://cowbirdsinlove.com/26 |
| Experiments with truth grant proposal: Denied | [[Gandhi is sitting on the side of a road with a beggar's cup and a sign: Spare the change you wish to see in the world.]] / {{Title text: In case you don't get the joke, there's this Gandhi quote 'Be the change you wish to see in the world.' And his autobiography was 'The Story of Experiments with Truth'. But I had to explain all that, it's probably not that funny}} / {{Bottom: This wouldn?t have happened if they gave him the Nobel Peace Prize.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/27 |
| I saw you, but now I really see you | Girl: I need to talk to you about something.
/ Guy: Sure, what's up. / Girl: It's about us.
/ Guy: Okay.
/ Girl: We've been friends for a long time. / Girl: You know how you can know someone forever without ever really knowing them?
/ Guy: No. That's logically impossible. / [[Girl looks sad]]
/ Girl: Oh. / [[Awkward moment]] / {{Mouseover: If I had a crush on someone that couldn't entertain that 'knowing' and 'really knowing' could be logically distinct, I'd feel pretty sad too.}}
/ {{Bottom: If you ever have the chance to respond like that, don't do it.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/28 |
| The Halo Effect | Girl: The Halo Effect is a cognitive bias where your impression of one characteristic influences your impressions of future characteristics so that they are all either positive or negative. / Girl: My first impression of a Halo was that its target audience was lame-o frat boys. After that, everything else about it seemed lame too. / Girl: My dislike of Halo is caused by the Halo Effect. Isn't that funny? / Guy: It's kind of interesting, but it isn't really that funny. I mean, you couldn't write a webcomic about it.
/ Girl: Oh. / Mouseover text: Heart broken and without a punchline, she bravely recycled a previously used joke. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/29 |
| The Exciting Conclusion! | Green shirt guy: So, for the past few days you've been trying to get me to date you?
/ Red shirt girl: Yeah. / Green shirt guy: Well I'd be interested in that.
/ Red shirt girl: That's great! / Green shirt guy: But first you need to prove your love.
/ Red shirt girl: How?
/ Green shirt guy: By sad moonwalking. / Red shirt girl: Oh. / {{Alt-text: Awwww.}}
/ {{Bottom: Thanks to chewbac.ca for letting me know that doing three comics in a row with the same pictures is alright}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/30 |
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