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Neil Armstrong Narrator: In today's comic: Neil Armstrong trashtalks your nostalgia. / Old guy to kids: You know, kids, I still remember where I was when man first walked on the moon. / [[Off-panel]] Neil Armstrong: OH YEAH? / Kids: NEIL ARMSTRONG! / [[Neil Armstrong pops a wheelie on his motorcycle.]] Neil Armstrong: That's one small wheelie for man, one giant wheelie for mankind. / Neil Armstrong: I remember where I was when man first walked on the moon too. / Neil Armstrong: Now where was it? Oh yeah. / Neil Armstrong: I was on the friggin' moon. / Neil Armstrong: Where were you? / Old guy: At school... / Neil Armstrong: How very exciting! / Narrator: This is why Neil Armstrong doesn't make a lot of public appearances. / {{Neil Armstrong, if you ever read this comic, I am so sorry. From everything I've read, you seem like a wonderful person.}}
http://cowbirdsinlove.com/571
Sooooo old Sanjay: I'm 23 and still single. My eggs are rotting. / Girl: Um... You don't have any eggs. / Sanjay: What? / Sanjay: I'm too late! / Mouseover: If you are older than 23, sorry! I am just fully of apologies this week. / Title: / Today?s Small Things Eating Big Things contributor is the wonderful Kier Mcfarlane. / Kier Mcfarlane draws a little comic named wiki?s lessons in life. You might have seen it. I?ve linked to it before. It?s hard not to, it is so charming and funny. / Read it!
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Love Hurts When you left me, I thought you hurt me more than any person could. / But then I met Clive / who just kept punching and punching and punching me, / but it wouldn't have been nearly as painful if Clive was just a little harder to fall in love with. / I mean, look at this guy. / This is a happy ending, because you notice that in the last panel Clive isn't punching any more. / Mouseover: This is a happy ending, because you notice that in the last panel Clive isn't punching any more. / Footer: / Today?s featured Small Things Eating Big Things contributor is Tony Piro! / Tony Piro makes the wonderful Calamities of Nature. I was looking through the comics to try and figure out a good comic to show you guys, and then Tony put up a blog post about his ten most popular comics, and that?s just want I wanted. Awesome! Check that out, then check it out again when he posts the second half, and then read all the other ones.
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Love Hurts Part 2 [[Clive:]] Hey. / [[Sanjay:]] What? / [[Clive:]] I'm sorry I had to punch you yesterday. I didn't want to / [[Sanjay:]] Yea, well, you did. / [[Clive:]] I had to! That was the joke! If I didn't punch you I wouldn't even exist! / But that joke has been told. I don't have to punch you anymore. We can be together now. / [[Sanjay:]] I don't think you understood yesterday's comic. / The real joke was that I fell in love with you. / [[Sanjay walks away, Clive looks sad.]] / Mouseover: Clive has undergone a lot of character development today!
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All consuming love Help! I am consumed by thoughts of a former love. / It looks like you are being consumed by a shark. / Yes. sharks were his favorite. / I begged him to stay with me, and he told me if he stopped moving he would drown. / Today?s featured Small Things Eating Big Things contributor is Dennis J. Reinmuller.
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Good listening And so now I don't know how to feel. / I see. / You are a really good listener for an engineer. / Well, yes. I am a train engineer. Could we get back to talking about your problems? / I'd like to get this conversation back on track. / {{mouseover: I'm all ears. Enginears.}} / {{footer: / Is it more hurtful to perpetuate an existing stereotype about regular engineers, or create a new one about train engineers? / This is a really bad experimental set-up to test that question!}}
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The House [[A smiling man, sitting in front of a pile of poker chips, raises his arms in delight]] / Dealer: Dealer bust. / Man: This was my best day in the casino ever! / Casino Attendant: Excuse me, sir. / Casino Attendant: The casino owner would like to see you in the back. / [[The attendant points man towards a door in another hall.]] / Casino Attendant: Step in here, sir. / Casino Owner: It seems you've had a very good day in my casino. / Casino Owner: But there is one thing you forgot. / The house always wins. / [[Owner's assistant whispers in owner's ear]] / Casino Owner: And now we are going to take you back and rough you... oh, what's that? / [[Man looks quizzical]] / Casino Owner: Apparently the house just asymptotically approaches always winning over time. / You are free to go. / Man: Okay, thanks. / Casino Owner's Assistant: Come back soon! / {{The law of large numbers says we make large numbers of dollars.}} / {{Special thanks to my brother, who I chatted to about statistics regarding making this comic, my older little sister, who uploaded the comic since I was at a party, and me for drawing it, and you for reading it, but NO ONE ELSE.}}
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Doing Unreasonable Things Until Conditions Improve Narrator: Are you grappling with forces beyond your control? / Random Guy: Yes! / N: Do you feel there is nothing you can do? / Random Woman: Yes! / N: Have you tried *doing unreasonable things until conditions approve*? / RG & RW: Tell us more! / N: Doing *unreasonable things until conditions approve* is an old favorite of agents of social and political change, but now you can use it for your very own. / [[Man sitting on a billboard ledge]] / N: Don't leave that billboard until your team wins the championship! / [[Woman sitting outside of house with man visible in a window]] / N: Sit on your lover's lawn until he takes you back! / N: Just a little dedication and that *doing unreasonable things until conditions approve* magic and that problem will be solved in no time. / [[Random guy is standing next to a sportman holding a championship trophy and Random womanl is standing next to her lover]] / RG & RW: Thanks, *doing unreasonable things until conditions approve*! / Mouseover: Try it today! / Footer Text: This only actually works if the forces you are trying to change know about what you are doing or if you do it for a loooong time.
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The Last Wikipedia Article Reverend Mike: In 2009, Daniel encountered the Youngstown article on Wikipedia. / Reverend Mike: He found it overloaded with vandalism and resolved to fix it...only to find it unfixable. / Reverend Mike: No new energy was being put into the article, and nobody was taking anything from it. / Reverend Mike: Youngstown fans had abandoned the group, moving on to other things. / Example Man: OTHER BOY BANDS! / Youngstown Fan 1: Woo! / Example Man: GOING TO MIDDLE SCHOOL! / Youngstown Fan 2: Woo! / Example Man: WATCHING PAINT DRY! / Youngstown Fan 3: Woo! / Reverend Mike: Youngstown has moved on as well. / Daniel: Hey, you need to fix your article. No one else remembers you. / Youngstown: No, I'm going to play Rock Band. / Reverend Mike: The article was a closed system... and a closed system is doomed to forever plunge into disorder and chaos. / Reverend Mike: Unwilling to accept this, Daniel built an advanced supercomputer and fed it all the information in the world. / Reverend Mike: "Tell me," Daniel asked, "how can the Youngstown article be kept clear of vandalism?" / Wikivac: THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER / Daniel: Huh. / {{Wikivac actually knows the answer, but became a jerk after attaining self-awareness}} / {{If you haven?t read Isaac Asimov?s The Last Question, it is really a charming story.}} / {{I can do this comic because I don't think Youngstown reads my comic. I don't think Isaac Asimov does either.}}
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Tevye Is A Good Egg Today, instead of a comic, I wrote a cool fan fiction about how I live with Tevye and Perchik from my favorite musical, Fiddler on the Roof. / In today's story Tevye goes to school with me! / "Come on, Tevye, rise and shine." / He mumbled something about ducks and geese as I hit his head with a pillow. / "Its a 6:49 train and I don't want to miss it." / <> / "What are you talking about?" Tevye grumbled, as I let the alarm clocks ring. / "You need to get ready for school." / "I've already had my shower, got dressed and had breakfast." / "Are you crazy? I can't go to school with you. I'm probably more than twice your age." / "Oh, that's okay. It's medical school. My friend Bob can't be too much younger than you." / "Why aren't you making Perchik go with you?" / "Oh, he'll come eventually. But I wanted you to go first since I know how much you value education." / "But won't it look kind of strange if you show up in class with a birly fictional Russian milkman?" / "No, I sit way in the back where nobody really pays attention." / "Quick, get dressed and showered and I'll make you some breakfast." / Tevye emerged from his room ten minutes later, showered, dressed and presentable. / "We have lots of cereal Tevye," I said. / "You can pick anything you'd like." / "I thought you were making me breakfast." / "Well, this is my specialty," I said, pouring the cereal. / "Hurry up and eat. I don't want to miss my train." / We drove to the station and got on the train. I gave Tevye some money for his ticket, and marvelled as he was somehow able to communicate in perfect English while ordering it. / I guess that's how magical fanfiction works. / Tevye and I sat next to my friend Phil and sat through all the lectures, I don't think Tevye was able to follow all of the, but I wasn't really either. / "It's really fantastic that you get to learn all these things, Sanjay." / "You must be a wealthy man." / "Nope, I'm just really deep in debt." / "and you have to go so far to get to your classes. You spend so much time travelling." / "Maybe that's why I always wear hats." / {{I hope you pick up on Fiddler on the Roof references, or else no one will get today's comic.}} / {{I stole the plot of this story from somewhere else, but I don?t think I?m in trouble because I doubt the original author would own up to it. / Besides, I?m sure Cowbirds in Love?s official copyright lawyer could brush this all under the rug. / Happy birthday.}}
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Ownership Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: I met a woman who was selling herself. / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: Not prostitution. / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: I gave her money and now I own her. / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: The only problem is my friends heard me saying how happy I was she was mine. / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: They told her I loved her. / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: I like her okay, but it doesn't make this any easier. / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: What did she think I meant when I said she was a perfect match? / Marcus Needsakidneyowitz: I really need that kidney. / Mouseover: I hope this goes well, because I don't handle rejection well. / Footer: Today's comic grapples with both human trafficking and the organ trade. This is very deep stuff. Do they give the Pulitzer Prize to webcomics?
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Graph Comics!i [[A simple graph comic. Both the X- and Y-axes are labelled "Graph Comics". There is a linear correlation between the two. A point on the line at the top-right corner of the graph is labelled.]] / Label: There are a lot of graph comics. / {{Mouseover: Graph comics!}} / {{Footer: Have you heard about these graph comics?!}}
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Octopus What It Would Be Like If Instead of Alcohol It Was An Octopus COMICS / Red shirt: Hey man! Want to party with this octopus? / Green shirt: No way, man. / Green shirt: I don't need AN OCTOPUS to have a good time. / Red shirt: Okay, man. / Maybe the octopus needs you. / Straight Edge For Life! / Small Things Eating Big Things has updated! / We have a new small thing: A flower! / We have a new big thing: A tuba! / Fantastic!
http://cowbirdsinlove.com/583
Octopus What It Would Be Like If Instead of Alcohol It Was An Octopus COMICS / Red shirt: Hey man! Want to party with this octopus? / Green shirt: No way, man. / Green shirt: I don't need AN OCTOPUS to have a good time. / Red shirt: Okay, man. / Maybe the octopus needs you. / Straight Edge For Life! / Small Things Eating Big Things has updated! / We have a new small thing: A flower! / We have a new big thing: A tuba! / Fantastic!
http://cowbirdsinlove.com/583
Five Year Plan Why 5 YEAR PLANS ARE AWESOME: / Sanjay: It gives you time to win the Olympics TWICE! / Even more if you do winter AND summer. / I felt like the last few comics have been pretty inaccessible, so I wanted to make a comic that people could relate to!
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More Dance Moves [[A guy in a green shirt is playing DDR.]] / Myth: DDR does not make you a better dancer. / [[The same guy is doing 'the sprinkler'.]] / Fact: If pretending to be a sprinkler is an actual dance move, doing DDR patterns can't be much worse. / I think knowing how to dance actually makes you a better DDR player. Not as much with Guitar Hero. / I just wanted to mention this again for people that didn?t catch it over the weekend: Small Things Eating Big Things has NEW THINGS!
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A Comic Thanking You For Your Beauty The woman I saw that made me think of this comic wasn't actually that beautiful. Weird, right? / A comic in which I thank you for your beauty. / The other day I saw the most beautiful woman in the world. / Wow! / But this comic is about you. / I was led to believe by Hollywood that when you see someone that beautiful, you walk into a wall out of dumbfoundedness. / Ow! / But I didn't. / Because you are like top tenth percentile. / Nowhere near the most beautiful, but definitely enough that I can extrapolate what that might look like and not be so surprised. / So thanks! / A wall and me not hitting it while I look at attractive people. / {{The woman I saw that made me think of this comic wasn't actually that beautiful. Weird, right?}} / {{A comic thanking you for how beautiful you are probably doesn?t need this many panels of explanation. OH WELL.}}
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What's the matter with you, baby? That's very flattering... but i'm not interested / What's the matter with you, Baby? I don't see a ring. / Ray Charles was a notorious womanizer. / Do I ever regret making my characters with no fingers? Sometimes. / I know in comic 386 I came down pretty hard on Ray Charles is blind jokes, but come on guys, that was over 200 comics ago! / keywords: Blind, ring, flirt / Mouseover: Do I ever regret not giving my characters fingers? Sometimes. / Footer: I know in comic 386 I came down pretty hard on Ray Charles is blind jokes, but come on guys, that was over 200 comics ago!
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Why Genetics Is Evil [[A blackboard reading "Why Genetics Is Evil" / "Self-Esteem Edition"]] / [[A DNA-string drawn on the blackboard says "You suck!"]] / Little girl with green shirt: Dad, should I be embarrassed that I am so ugly? / Narrator: Before Genetics: / Dad with green shirt: Firstly, honey, you aren't ugly. / Dad with green shirt: Secondly, it is perfectly natural to be unsure about your appearance at your age. / Narrator: After Genetics: / Dad with green shirt: I know I am! / {{Mouseover text: Modern Genetics started in the 1800s. How did you feel about yourself then?}} / {{Text below the comic: Do you think there is a meaningful difference between genetics (singular) and genetics (plural)? Like genetics is a fascinating field but genetics are why you are too stupid to understand it? / Maybe!}}
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Aquaman and Ma-Ti People think heroes like Aquaman and Ma-Ti are lame for having lame powers. / But this overlooks two things: / 1. Aquaman and Ma-Ti, besides their powers, are human beings, and thinking they are lame overlooks the strength of the human spirit and denies the inherent awesomeness of being human. / 2. Aquaman and Ma-Ti can friggin' talk to dolphins, and thinking they are lame denies the inherent awesomeness of talking to dolphins. / Ma-Ti: Hi! / Dolphin: Hello! / Mouseover text: Jubilee is still lame though. / / Some extra comments: / 1. The Aquaman I?m talking about in this comic is obviously not beard having, harpoon hand Aquaman. That dude is tough as nails. / 2. You remember that Captain Planet episode where all the Planeteers lose their rings and the only ring they can?t replace was Ma-Ti?s? What does that tell you about their relative worth? Linka?s ring got replaced by a leaf blower! / 3. I hate it when people are all ?Heart isn?t even an element, meh meh meh.? You idiots. Matter is not made of combinations of earth and fire and wind and water. The only thing that is made of that is Captain Planet, and he is made of heart too. / 4. GO PLANET.
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Maybe if she felt the beat on a fife instead? A sad truth about music history / [[Lyrics to Dancing Queen with the rhyme scheme marked]] / Abba never used the ABBA rhyme scheme / Mouseover: I think about this every time I watch Mamma Mia. / Footer: I?m going on a CANADIAN VACATION for the next nine days. Gonna see some cool cousins and a rad aunt and uncle. / Maybe we?ll have an MS Paint week or something if I can?t scan things while I?m in Toronto. And maybe we?ll have a week where we all imagine comics instead of reading them in case I can?t get on the internet.
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My favorite song I know a couple doesn't have to like the same music to work. / But I really want you to like this song. / This song makes me happy. / I thought maybe we could be happy together. / For once. / Mouseover: For an example of a song that makes me feel this way, look up Like A Life On A Prayer by Mad Mix Mustang. / Footer: I think I?ll be able to update usually, just maybe the frequency or punctuality of updates might be compromised because I am too busy doing cool Toronto things. Woooo.
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Wooo Toronto This is a comic about Sanjay forgetting that East Hampton exists. / Okay so here you see that guy. Sanjay. Wearing his usual blue shirt-dress-muumuu outfit. He's standing there with his usual almost symmetrical limbs and next to him are floating words that say "I'm in Toronto!" "Webcomic Capital of the World!" / Then there's some more words. No pictures though, so it's slightly less fun to describe. Said words go "Why is Toronto the Webcomics Capital of the World?" / Then there's a picture of what I can assume through the context of the comic the silhouette of the skyline of Toronto. Now I might not be getting this right but I believe that Sanjay is in the extreme foreground and also jumping so it appears that he is standing in the skyline and is a giant. Also Sanjay's eyebrows vanished. Then there's some text that says "See panel one" / Now through some kinda magic, if I keep the mouse over the pictures for long enough, the words "This picture is to scale. I am almost as tall as the CN Tower." appear. / And then at the bottom, Sanjay leaves us with one final thought. "The most exciting thing about Toronto is imagining that every person I see has a vastly popular webcomic."
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Comprehensive Research Reverend Mike: Once, a woman fell in love with a king who did not love her back. / Reverend Mike: Living in his kingdom was painful, because everyday she was reminded of him. / Reverend Mike: So she fell in love with a regular person who did not love her back. / Reverend Mike: However, this ended up being just as painful. / Reverend Mike: She tried falling in love with a rock that did not love her back. / Reverend Mike: That wasn't so great either. / Reverend Mike: So then she fell in love with someone who loved her back. / Reverend Mike: That worked out pretty well. / Reverend Mike: So then she fell in love with a rock that loved her back. / Reverend Mike: That one wasn't as good but it was also kinda nice. / Mouseover: It seems like this comic is about learning when to settle, but actually it is about how collecting exhaustive and comprehensive data is better than love.
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Two Year Olds Narrator: AWESOME TWO YEAR OLDS: / [[A small and a bigger person in blue shirt, building a tower with blocks]] / Narrator: Two year old versions of yourself! / [[Three two year old children: a boy with a red shirt, a girl with a green shirt and a girl with a yellow shirt]] / Narrator: Two year olds in general! / [[An old man in a white shirt, probably Socrates, sporting a purple party hat holds a glass. / On the table in front of him is a birthday cake with two candles]] / Man: Wooooo! / Narrator: Cowbirds in Love! / [[Cookie monster and a plate with 4 round cookies]] / Narrator: Cookie Monster! / Narrator: Happy 2nd birthday, webcomic! / {{mouseover text: Hanging out with two year old versions of people is probably the best thing you could do. And you can have that experience at Cowbirds in Love now!}} / {{Text below: Cowbirds in Love turned two today. Thanks for reading. I like making comics for you and if you weren?t reading them I?d feel a little foolish. / A comic?s second birthday is a big deal! Let?s be excited: / j2 wrote a song for the occasion. It is called ?Cowbirds in Love?. The lyrics are here. / Mike Hazeltine also wrote Cowbirds in Love a theme song. It wasn?t for the occasion. It was a while back and I hadn?t mentioned it yet. It is called ?Love Song For A Cowbird (Pimp-Slapped Bitches Ain?t Worth A Hoe)?.}}
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Traditions When a parent's child abandons a tradition and is not going to pass it on to their children, it can be a cause of great anguish. / The great anguish: / Now that I know my traditions will die with me, for the first time I truly feel like an foreigner / The tradition abandoned: / We don't do that in this house, mama. / Oh. / The tradition: / What if every time we eat chicken we do the chicken dance? / Ok. / Mouseover: Without doing the chicken dance when we eat chicken, our lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on the roof.
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Consuming! [[A man is standing on a giant all-consuming moster]] / Compared to the other options, love is the best thing to be all consuming. / {{title text: I know some of you have been really burned by love and think you'd rather go for the Thirteen Eyes Crab Hand Dreadlock Mouther, but trust me, you would not.}} / {{I know I already did a comic about all consuming love, but I just really like that phrase as far as it applies to killing machines.}}
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Wishing you were here I knew I was dealing with a jerk genie when I wished you were here. / I knew he would try to interpret my wish so it would turn out bad for me. / But I also thought that different particles couldn't occupy exactly the same place at exactly the same time. / My mistake. / Mouseover: On the plus side, I've never felt closer.
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La Popsicle (Guest Comic) La Popsicle (Guest Comic) / (Canadian Flag backround) / Once upon a time... / there was a Quebecois man who loved popsicles. / Quebecios Man; I love popsicles / (Arrows indicate he is holding a bottle of wine and a baguette) / But unfortunately... / he was Quebecois. / Madhav tells me that Quebec is the most hated Canadian province (they know why) / My cousin Madhav made me this comic. He would like to apologize to the people of Quebec for it. It?s not their fault they were born there. / Please send lots of hate mail for me to forward to him. Or fan mail, I guess.
http://cowbirdsinlove.com/598
Seeing Ducks Every day is a good day when you see a duck! / I don't love you any more. / Quack. / You don't have any money. / Quack. / I'm afraid you'll never see again. / Quack. / Quack. / Quack. / {{If you think this is a sad comic, maybe you didn't notice how many ducks there are in it.}} / {{It hasn?t been posted in in a while, but I still love the Cowbirds in Love forum?s thread on pictures of ducks.}}
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Maximize Your Love How to love efficiently: / [[There is a graph of Love expected vs. Love given in return. There is a green circle labeled "Bargain Zone"]] / In the circle: / Nerds / Pets / Not in the circle: / Rocks / Statues / Sandwiches / Plants / Godzilla / Children / Significant others / Sports teams / As a bonus, use the mouseover text to put YOURSELF on the graph! / Amazing! / [*You, the person reading this comic!] / {{What I am trying to do here is defend crazy cat people as shrewd investors.}}
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