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| Her life or your money | [[A man is pointing a gun at a father, holding hands with his daughter. The father is holding a bag of cash in his other hand]]
/ Gunman: End of the line. The boss told me to give you the choice: You can leave with the girl, or you can leave with the money. / Father: When you say I can leave with the money or the girl, is that an inclusive or or an exclusive or? / [[Gunman scratches his head, confused]]
/ Gunman: *scratch scratch* Well, gee. The boss didn't say. / [[Gunman decisively takes aim at the father once more]]
/ Gunman: Inclusive, I guess.
/ Father: Okay, I'll just leave with both of them, then. / Later... / [[Gunman is on the phone]]
/ Gunman (to phone): Oh. Well, that was my second guess. / {{Mouseover: This guy wasn't a very LOGICAL OPERATOR, huh?}}
/ {{Bottom: Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine breaks hearts like Jesus breaks bread.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/211 |
| Beary Punny | This Pun / Hold my stocks. Cross-check my Mercer account. /
/ Bearly Works /
/ {{Hahahahaahaahaha!}}
/ {{Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine makes a right out of a single wrong.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/212 |
| Friendship! | [[Two people are viewed moving a... mat? Package? Box? White-yellowish rectangle.]]
/ A friend will help you move. / [[A dark cityscape is shown. Two people are throwing a body into a river.]]
/ A good friend will help you move bodies. / Socrates would probably call the cops on you, the snitch.
/ [[Cut to Socrates.]]
/ Socrates: I'm just saying if you didn't want to obey the laws, you shouldn't have been born here. / {{Mouseover: Fact: I didn't want to draw people carrying a body since I didn't think I could do it without drawing legs.}} / {{Bottom: / OR, if you aren?t too familiar with Socrates and the work of Plato? / Click here for an alternate ending! / Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine once nuked a burrito so beautiful he couldn?t eat it.}} / {{Bonus comic: Same as the first comic, except the last panel has me laughing at you saying: "You thought you could read webcomics without reading Plato's Crito first? This is me laughing at you:}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/213 |
| What to do if you encounter Rene' Descartes | narrator: Cowbirds in Love presents:
/ narrator: What to do if you encounter Rene' Descartes / narrator: Be nice to him. He did invent Cartesian coordinates, after all!
/ [[actor shaking hands with Rene' Descartes]] / narrator: Invite him to dinner!
/ < http://cowbirdsinlove.com/214 |
| The upper limits of our love | [[There is a woman in front of a green background.]]
/ How much can you love a person? / [[There are now hearts in front of a blue background.]]
/ Maybe I can't love you any more. / [[There is now a man in front of a yellow background.]]
/ Did I say "can't"? More like "don't." / {{Title text: You guys... breaking up is awesome to do.}}
/ {{Editorial text: Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine regrets the nineteenth amendment (he is a misogynist)}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/215 |
| The Adventure of Even Trying | The Adventure of Even Trying / Little Even had trouble in school.
/ The other kids made fun of him. / Sometimes because he was short. / Sometimes because he was funny looking. / But mostly because of his stupid name.
/ Bully: EVEN STEPHEN!
/ Even: That's not even an insult. / The teasing followed him into his adult life.
/ Even: Sir, could you please just evaluate my performance?
/ Boss: Whatever, STEPHEN. / Poor Even Trying even considered changing his name. / His sister Diane asked him how he was doing:
/ Sister: How are you dealing with all the teasing. / Even: I'm not Even Trying Any More. / {{Mouseover: Creative types: when you give your characters lame names, they feel bad about it.}} / {{Footer: Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine is the only thing between you and your dreams.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/216 |
| Going to India | [[A man, Mike Hazeltine, is shown.]]
/ Narrator: Mike Hazeltine "Month"
/ Narrator: June 15th to July 5th / {{Title Text: going to india, bbl}} / {{Bottom Text: I?m going to India. I hope you?ll still be here when I get back. / This week, my site got more visits than it ever had before. Thanks, everyone. / I love you, readership. / Mike Hazeltine fact: Mike Hazeltine has creative control of Cowbirds in Love.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/217 |
| My First Update (Guest comic) | It's tough being colorblind, but I don't let that stop me from living a normal life...
/ "Officer, I swear, that Stop sign was green when I went through it." / {{Mouseover: If you are wondering why the car that is pulled over looks oddly similar to the cop car, it is probably because the driver bought it at a police auction and not because I had to copy it due to a lack of drawing ability.}} / {{Footer: / Hello readership of Sanjay?s mediocre web comic website. As you probably know by now, I, Mike Hazeltine, am taking over for Sanjay for the rest of the June month as well as some of the July month. During this time, I will expose you to comics created especially by me. While the quality of humor will increase twofold, the quality of drawing, I?m afraid, will drop by about, er, several more. The updates will also be less frequent. Despite this, the hilarity of my comics will make this website so much more than what it previously was / If we can learn to find humor in these most difficult of topics, there?s no telling what we can accomplish.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/218 |
| The Next Summer Blockbuster (Guest comic) | The Next Summer Blockbuster & My Greatest Fear / SO I MARRIED AN AXE-MURDERING SNAKE ON A PLANE / {{Mouseover: Karen drew this. After today, the quality of drawing will decrease again.}} / {{Footer: / First off, I?d like to apologize to everyone for the lack of updates these past several days. I have been ?under the weather? (aka sick) and though I wanted nothing more than to update this site, I was sadly left with no strength to accomplish that feat. / Second, I would like to thank, possibly even congratulate, Karen Mazzola for being the first person to send in a comic while Sanjay is away. The congratulation would actually be for her for overcoming her fear of criticism of anything she does. Please send in your comments on her work to cowbirdsinlove@gmail.com. If I get enough negative feedback, I will update this page with a link directly to her e-mail so you can send her all the hate mail you desire. Also, fellas, I hear she?s still single. / Also, Karen?s second biggest fear is being alone.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/219 |
| Getting Your Money's Worth (Guest comic) | Li'l dude in blue: Hey. What happened to that cute girl you were recently dating? / Li'l dude in green: I had to end it with her. She was moving too slow. / Li'l dude in blue: Ah. that's too bad. / Li'l jerk in green: Nah, she was pretty lame. / Li'l dude in blue: (Wanna hear a funny knock-knock joke?) / Li'l dude in green: So then I had to put her down. / Li'l dude in blue: (That joke sucked.) / Li'l dude in blue: Ouch. That must've been a blow to the gut for her. / Li'l dude in green: Eh, closer to the heart. I swear I was aiming higher...Glue? / What if dating was more like owning a race horse? / {{The girl's name would've been Mama's Joy if I could've fit it somewhere in the comic. I've always wanted to come up with a race horse name.}} / {{Well, a good morrow to you, fine readership of Sanjay?s website. It has come to my attention that a few readers are dissatisfied with and scoff at my web pages? epilogues/prefaces, my attempt to emotionally connect with all of you, and that hurts my feelings. Now, I have not let the power that Sanjay has bestowed upon me go to my head, but I would like to take this time to remind everyone once again that I have full control of this website and can do, well, whatever I want with it. I can make it as offensive or as, yes, as political as I want and there is not a thing you can do about it. Ha. Haha. Why, I?I could delete everything, EVERYTHING, so all you would have to stare at is a blank page. I can even put this comic up if I want and it?s not even the comic this page was created for!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha. / Anyway, whine all you want, but remember, it falls on deaf ears. With that said, I do apologize for the size of the above comic. This drawing thing is still kinda new to me. / Also, I?m going on vacation for over a week starting Saturday, June 28 and will probably be unable to update this site anymore (which, in all honesty, will probably be no different from the amount of updates I would?ve done this coming week anyway). By the time I get back, Sanjay will once again be in full control. Anywho, here?s the intended comic for this web page:}} / So I bought a new car the other day. / Oh yeah, what kind? / A Saab. It cost me my life savings just to buy it, but then I immediately wrecked it. / Oh no. Not another Saab story. / {{I realize the characters in the comics lately aren't as diverse as when Sanjay drew them, which is why I drew a fat guy in this comic.}} / {{Two comics on one page?? Not even Sanjay was good enough to give you that. / SPECIAL SANJAY EDIT: I totally have done that, Mike.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/220 |
| Idioms (Guest Comic) | "Kicked the bucket" is what we in the language biz call an "idiom", which means that its overall meaning does not correspond to that of its individual words
/ That is, the whole expression has really nothing to do with kicking, nor with buckets. / That is, unless the bucket in question is filled with flesh-eating bacteria / Flesh-eating bacteria / Dead for lack of flesh / Different people
/ Whoa Steve... What happened to you?
/ I kicked the bucket
/ Same person / {{Steve might have saved his skin (ha ha) if he'd read the label on the bucket that said 'kicking may result in loss of flesh'}} / {{ / I actually rather doubt that keeping the bucket upright would save you from your flesh-depleting fate, but we can?t know for sure unless we try?.
/ Not only did he make the image, but he also provided the bonus text! Huzzah. / I want to apologize for over-hyping Mike Hazeltine?s stay at Cowbirds in Love. The problem was that I was thinking about Mike Hazeltine the person and you got Mike Hazeltine the updater. While the person is funny, clever and imaginative, the updater is lazy, sloppy and a bit abusive. / However, I?d like to thank Mike Hazeltine for taking charge of the site and for the excellent comics he did make. / Furthermore, I?d like to thank Karen Mazzola for doing one third of the updates and for continuing to inspire my nightmares. / I?d also like to thank Colin Dawson who made this comic and Matt Fendt, who made these comics. / And to all the readership I lost during my three weeks away, I love you and I will fight to win you back. / I?ll start up with new updates as soon as I can. I have plenty of ideas for new comics and, like a Texan governor, I am looking forward to their execution.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/221 |
| My departed friends | [[A smiling man in blue]]
/ When I think about the friends that have left me, I look up. / [[Man in blue frowns]]
/ Then I realize that if they are anywhere, I probably should be looking down. / [[A representation of the Earth. A person in blue is standing at the top, with a group of three people standing on the bottom]] / THE WORLD IS ROUND COMICS / {{alt text: I was actually thinking about how the world was round a lot when I was in India, so I have a few comics about it.}}
/ {{bottom: It?s hard to get rolling again.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/222 |
| The World Is Round Comics Part II | THE WORLD IS ROUND COMICS / [[Two pictures of the earth are side by side. On the left, a person in blue stands on the top of the globe while a person in black stands on the bottom. An arrow along the right hand surface of the globe connects these two. On the right, a person in blue and a person in black stand side by side on top of the globe. They are connected by a long arrow which circles the globe before arriving at the other person]]
/ Halfway across the world, I felt closer to you than I ever did when we were together.
/ I illustrated my feelings with arrows. / {{alt text: Sometimes the closer you get to someone the further apart you feel. Now you understand why.}}
/ {{bottom text: I hope this series of comics is not too offensive to Flat Earthers.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/223 |
| TWIRC 3 | When we were first together, you were my world. / Now, we are worlds apart. / Which is a lot farther than it used to be. / Because my world has gotten fat. / THE WORLD IS ROUND COMICS / {{title text: This is a tough call as far as further/farther spelling goes.}}
/ {{bottom text: Part 3 of probably 5.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/224 |
| TWIRC 4: A Worthy Quest | THE WORLD IS ROUND COMICS / [[Man is on a sailing ship in the middle of the ocean]]
/ I am on a quest to find the ultimate pickup line so I can get more dates. / [[Man still on ship, sky/sea is green]]
/ Ship's log: I have been traveling for weeks but still no sign of the ultimate pickup line. Morale starting to suffer. / [[Man still on ship, sky and sea are black]]
/ Ship's log: I must be halfway across the Pacific by now. The passage of time is starting to blur. / [[Sky is clear now]]
/ I finally found it.
/ The perfect pickup line. / It will work. [[ship is next to a buoy with flag that reads: "International Date Line"]] / {{title text: The actual nature of the International Date Line is omitted to avoid a massive baby boom. / I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you tonight?? is one of the best, but it isn't the international date line.}} / {{bottom text: I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you tonight?? is one of the best, but it isn?t the international date line.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/225 |
| TWIRC 5: The Land Down Under | THE WORLD IS ROUND COMICS / [[Polar bear is pushing and red and white striped post]]
/ Narrator: People think of the North Pole as the top of the world, but it isn't.
/ It all depends on your point of reference. / [[Kangaroo is looking down]]
/ Narrator: Australia used the South Pole as a point of reference and put out a map with the South up and the North down. / [[Two people standing together on the Earth]]
/ Narrator: You're my point of reference.
/ When I'm with you, I'm on top of the world. / [[title text: Don't think that this is the international date line from yesterday's comic. If it were, you'd be so into me right now. Though maybe you should be anyway.}} {{Bottom text: I think that's it for The World Is Round Comics. I'd like to thank the world for being round.} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/226 |
| Can machines feel emotion? | Screw: I feel SCREWED
/ Inclined plane: I'm INCLINED to agree.
/ Simple Machines: Complex Feelings
/ Mouseover text: PULLey yourself together?
/ Below text: I took all those days off to bring you puns like these. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/227 |
| Two Jerks Travel To A Foreign Country | Narrator: Cowbirds in love presents: / [[Two men, one wearing a blue hat and a red shirt with a picture of beer on it and "Beer" printed underneath, and the other wearing a shirt with "SPORT" printed on it.]]
/ Narrator: Two Jerks Travel To A Foreign Country / Beer-shirted man: I'm ready to score with tons of foreign babes. / [[The beer-shirted man holding a suitcase.]]
/ Beer-shirted man: This suitcase is full of condoms! / [[Beer-shirted man talking to Sports-shirted man.]]
/ Sports-shirted man: I didn't bring any.
/ Beer-shirted man: What if someone gets pregnant? Don't you need protection? / [[Sports-shirted man holding up a Return Ticket.]]
/ Sports-shirted man: This is all the protection I need. / {{Title text: The concept of a suitcase filled with just condoms comes from Love Actually!}} / {{Footer: Bonus text!}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/228 |
| Icarus | Off panel: Icarus, don't fly so close to the sun! / Off panel: Icarus, your wings have melted! / Off panel: Goodbye, Icarus.
/ < http://cowbirdsinlove.com/229 |
| Nancy Kerrigan | Q: Why did Nancy Kerrigan fall in love with Tanya Harding? / A: She made her feel weak at the knees. / {{Mouseover: Tell this joke at parties.}}
/ {{Footer: This is 14 years late, but I didn?t have a webcomic then.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/230 |
| Global warming | Global Warming
/ [circle of words with each statement joined by arrows] / Positive Feedback loop
/ Freezer makes it cold inside
/ Freezer makes it warmer outside
/ Temperature goes up
/ People want ice cream
/ Freezer door opens
/ Freezer lets out a little cold
/ Freezer warms up a bit / Dear Scientists:
/ I proved Global Warming
/ Nobel Peace Prize please / mouseover: Postive feedback loops make small changes really big. I guess this isn't a joke so much as a fallacious argument.
/ bottom: I don?t really want a Nobel Peace Prize. That one is a joke. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/231 |
| Hebrew | Hebrew: The Zombie Language
/ [[Zombie speaking Hebrew]]
/ When a language dies, it is supposed to stay dead.
/ {{Mouseover: An alert reader sent me an email with the correct Hebrew word for 'brains'. We should all live up to the fine example of readership that this reader exemplifies.}}
/ {{Footer: In case you didn?t know: it was a dead language and how it isn?t.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/232 |
| Reverse Racism | Racism: Making assumptions about a person based on generalizations about that person's race.
/ (Black Man): Hey, I just moved across the street from you!
/ (Racism): "There goes the neighborhood." / Reverse racism: Making assumptions about a person's race based on generalizations about that person.
/ (Black Man): Hey, I just moved across the street from you!
/ (Reverse racism): "All black people just moved across the street from me." / {{Mouseover: Literally colorblind people: I changed the background color for my website. You can probably tell. Figurtively colorblind people: The first panel where I explain what racism is is for you.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/233 |
| Newspaper down | Spouse A: Did you put the newspapers down, honey?
/ Spouse B: I did.
/ Spouse A: No blood will be spilled today. / {{Mouseover: I hope the sweet drawing of a guy with a gun and a sword didn't distract you from my joke. And I expecially hope that it didn't distract you vice versa.}} / {{Footer: You forgot your bib, honey!}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/234 |
| Univeral gravitational constant | [[A picture of the moon, hurtling towards the earth surrounded in a ball of flame.]]
/ Narrator: I increased the universal gravitational constant.
/ Narrator: And when the moon crashed into the earth, I regretted it.
/ Narrator: But what was I supposed to do?
/ Narrator: The closer we got, the more you pushed away. / {{Title Text: Don't you feel this strong force between us?}} / {{Bottom Text: Hey, I?m going on a weeklong vacation. I expect to update during it but maybe it won?t be as consistent as usual.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/235 |
| Retaliation Comics | Retaliation Comics
/ [[picture of a tomato]]
/ Fed up with food poisoning?
/ Poison your food. / {{alt-text: Don't do it!}}
/ {{free-text: I think this is a more poignant illustration why revenge is bad than anything Mahatma Gandhi thought of.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/236 |
| Cowbirds in Love Goes to School | This 'comic' was a movie about Inspector Javert going to school with some crazy girl. I'm not typing it up, and nobody should have to. / -Sanjay / {{Bottom text: Usually, the ideas I use on Cowbirds in Love are my own. / But every so often, I come across an idea so amazing that I just have to use it. I was surfing the internet and I came across a script that was just so moving, so exciting and so inspired I just had to turn it into a movie. / I hope you like it, target audience. / (It?s an animated .gif. If you are having trouble seeing it in your browser you could try downloading it and watching it offline.) / A lot can happen in seven years, but a lot can stay incredibly nerdy. / Happy birthday}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/237 |
| PSA for the ladies | If you see a man wearing a mask covering his eyes with a purse, feel free to steal it. / The moment you get your hands on it, you have public opinion on your side. / I don't have a lot of comics with red haired people so I should just mention that if you are one of my red haired friends, this one isn't about you. / I don?t endorse a lot of crime. http://cowbirdsinlove.com/238 |
| The Horse | [[A girl an a horse are together at a lake, wading in the water]]
/ Girl: Thanks for taking me to the lake.
/ Girl: This is a really nice date. / Horse: Sorry I couldn't drive you. Hores have lots of trouble with cars. / Girl: That's okay! I love you and we'll always be together. / Horse: Actually, I want to break up.
/ Horse: Goodbye forever. / [[The horse leaves and the girl is alone]]
/ < http://cowbirdsinlove.com/239 |
| Little Jerry Fodor | Title: The adventures of Little Jerry Fodor
/ [[A teacher in blue is talking to Jerry.]]
/ Teacher: Jerry, this paper you wrote has lots of grammatical errors. You need to be more careful. / [[Teacher talking to a dark-skinned boy in orange, addressed as Arun, while Jerry watches.]]
/ Teacher: Arun, this paper you wrote has lots of grammatical errors. I know English isn't your first language, so I understand it is difficult sometimes.
/ Jerry: What? / [[Jerry, alone.]]
/ Jerry: What a double standard. I wish English wasn't my first language. / Jerry: IDEA! / Narrator: How mentalese was invented. / {{Title text: Mentalese is what's in your brain before you learn another language, as far as I understand it. I think it's kind of a silly term, Jerry Fodor at Rutgers.}} / {{Footer: I used to really dislike Jerry Fodor and I don?t remember why.}} http://cowbirdsinlove.com/240 |
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