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| In Summary | A: i'm concerned our society has become callous and bizarre...
/ B: yeah, and i'm almost concerned i won't enjoy this fetus smoothie. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=3 |
| Horn Dog | i'd say my dog is insanely horny, but it's also possible i'm just projecting? http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=4 |
| A Celebration | it's your choice kids, but nobody gets cake unless everybody sign the virginity pledge. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=5 |
| First Date | ya' know, having sex with your dog is really not that strange if you yourself are a dog... http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=6 |
| Pissing Contest | i really don't care we both have the same job now, but i'm pretty sure only one of us got it without the advantage of a foreskin. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=7 |
| Hair Of The Dog | if i try and reflect on mistakes i've made in my life, applying chapstick before kissing this dog comes to mind. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=8 |
| Boy Genius | if you just imagine i'm a ten-year-old boy, i think you'll agree i've accomplished quite a lot for my age. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=9 |
| Downward Alpha | i'm doubling my yoga routine so i'll become an alpha male in half the time. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=10 |
| Special | my parents always like to say i'm special, but i always like to think i'm motherfucking crazy. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=11 |
| House Dad | i'm a typical stay-at-home dad, except i don't do housework, or have a wife, or any kids. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=12 |
| Wasted Youth | every zit scar is a memory to be cherished. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=13 |
| Missing Application | i really love my iphone, but then sometimes i still wish i had an eight inch cock. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=14 |
| Magical Powers | A: stop imperialism, end the war! no wage slaves, fire your boss! health care for all, no prisons! nationalize the oil industry! prosecute the capitalist pigs!
/ B: dude, why don't you just try prayer? http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=15 |
| Mistakes Were Made | A: i sometimes regret my tattoos.
/ B: i always regret my birthmark. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=16 |
| Empty Threat | my mom threatened to ground me, but then i just threatened to unfriend her. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=17 |
| Death Bed | the best thing about being on your deathbed is all the worry-free unprotected sex. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=18 |
| The Holy Text | you said there was no such thing as god, yet i just found the entry on wikipedia... http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=19 |
| Chicken Little | if a bucket of fried chicken doesn't help you make friends at a party, at least you'll have a bucket of fried chicken as you stand in the corner alone. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=20 |
| Guys Night | as guys you know how it is, all day long i fantasize about having lots and lots of kids, but then i really just dread the prospect of having sex. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=21 |
| True Love Waits | i don't mean to brag, but all these years when you thought i was saying i loved you, i was actually saying "olive juice." http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=22 |
| Baby Pictures | the baby on the left will grow up and inherit his family's factory. the baby on the right will grow up and work many hard years in that factory before joining with coworkers seeking a living wage. he will then be fired and deported. but for now, seriously, which baby is cuter? http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=23 |
| Big And Small | it's been years since the death of the notorious B.I.G., and still nobody has stepped up to replace him as the voice of my struggle. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=24 |
| Bar Games | hey everybody, my so-called "friend" over here thinks i need to consider trimming my nose hair! http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=25 |
| Mama Baby | while i regret having this baby, i really regret she's not old enough yet to understand when i explain that to her. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=26 |
| Pictures Of You | i'm posted a million pictures of my crotch on craigslist, so it's really a mystery why i'm still not married. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=27 |
| Bat Boy | maybe instead of watching millionaires swing the bat, we should take the kids to wall street and swing the bat at millionaires? http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=28 |
| Back And Forth Forever | yes mom, i know that's where poo comes out, but not nearly as often as penises go in... http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=29 |
| Seven Minutes In Heaven | kissing you is so amazing, if i close my eyes really tight, i can almost imagine i'm kissing the most beautiful girl in the whole entire world. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=30 |
| Party Favors | i thought we'd all enjoy hearing some of my poems, but not people are saying it's not that kind of party. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=31 |
| Good Enough | young man, i don't care that everyone you know totally hates you, you still haven't given me a good reason why you can't learn to love yourself. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=32 |
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