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| Forward Thinking | i'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, because soon we'll be able to have sex with robots. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1457 |
| No Regrets | we both have the perfect amount of tattoos, but if we get any more, we might someday regret it. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1458 |
| Unlucky | the one day i finally got noticed at work just happened to be the one day i chose not to wear pants. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1459 |
| All An Act | she said that her cat
/ acted just like a dog,
/ "he acts just like a dog,"
/ she said,
/ and i told her about
/ the dog that i have,
/ "but she acts like
/ a cat instead,"
/ and i told her about
/ the knee socks that i wear,
/ my short skirt that is
/ part of a plan,
/ "i only act this way
/ to find a woman someday
/ who acts just like
/ a dirty old man." http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1460 |
| Go In With A Plan | he felt confident the date was going to go well because this time he'd be using his note cards. (ACT NATURAL) http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1461 |
| Real Friends | i know who all my real friends are and i make them rub my feet. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1462 |
| The Bargain | if i had more money, i'd probably have lots of friends, but this man is my best friend for only three dollars. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1463 |
| Aspiring Job Creator | i'd like to apply for a business loan to help me start a Ponzi scheme. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1464 |
| The Freedom Of Religion | i believe in the golden rule, but i don't really have a religion.
/ i believe in the golden rule, but my religion lets me act like an asshole.
/ (JESUS DIDN'T MARRY A MAN!) http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1466 |
| Half And Half | manic depression isn't all that bad half the time. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1476 |
| A Tip For The Bedroom | the longer you can go without changing your sheets, the better it will feel when you do. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1477 |
| Unexpected Tragedy | i was sad to learn my grandmother died, and devastated to learn learn i couldn't DJ the funeral. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1478 |
| Simple Request | if i tell you i love you one night, when i think that the moment is right, say "i love you too," even if it's not true, it's called just being polite. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1479 |
| Oldest Trick In The Book | they might pay me to mow their lawn someday, but for not it's an unpaid internship. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1480 |
| The Happy Life Of A Young Individualist | i can reach higher than any other kid and i do it all by myself! http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1481 |
| The Bachelor | ideally i'd be married by now so i'd have no reason to ever work out. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1482 |
| Act On The Problem | if you think you might have a drinking problem, there are things that you can do...
/ (to do: 1) breakfast drinks! 2) happy hour! 3) get drinks with friends (or alone!) http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1484 |
| The Art Of The Hustle | for five dollars i'll take off all of my clothes, or for ten dollars i'll keep them all on. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1485 |
| Us And Them | some people share our conservative beliefs, but other people are fascist communist nazis. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1486 |
| No Sympathy | he made the saddest face he could possibly make and still no one would agree to sleep with him. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1488 |
| Discount Education | i'm willing to sell my college degree for half of what it cost. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1489 |
| Take Advantage Of A Good Thing | i can pee in my bed at night, and my parents just change the sheets. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1490 |
| Refuse To Run | i refuse to run from my problems when i can avoid them just by taking a nap. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1491 |
| Easy Way Out | while he was too scared to ever break up with her, she'd probably break up with him if he cut off his leg... http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1502 |
| Career Objectives | i'd like a job where i use my people skills and get rewarded for working hard.
/ i'd like a job where i use my Tetris skills and get reward for really high scores. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1503 |
| Insignificant In Bed | does it really even matter if my performance was good or bad as we stop now to reflect on ever event in earth's history? http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1504 |
| The Business Response | the average person feels sad when they see impoverished children, but a businessperson focuses on ways to make some money. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1525 |
| Self Affirmations | i am successful, people like me, i have a head of thick lustrous hair... http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1542 |
| A Childlike Faith | my teddy bear loves and takes care of me, he's all-knowing, all-powerful, and will destroy my enemies. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1543 |
| No Time Like The Present | i'm going to light myself on fire to protest Obamacare as soon as they give me health insurance. http://thebadchemicals.com/?p=1544 |
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