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| You can be seen with the naked eye. (#31) | [[In front of a shower stands a giant eyeball with a towel around it's waist.]] / {{title text: This dude is one of the many doodles in my organic chemistry notebook.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/08/you-can-be-seen-with-the-naked-eye-31/ |
| Bunnies don't lay eggs, kids. (#32) | [[Two men are talking, one of whom is wearing rabbit ears]]
/ Man: Dude...why do you have rabbit ears?
/ Bunny man: It's Easter. / Man: But you're a male adult with no kids. It's kind of creepy. / Bunny man: Why does my penis and use of condoms mean I can't dress up like a pretty bunny? / Man: OK, you... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/09/bunnies-dont-lay-eggs-kids-32/ |
| It's time you learned the truth. (#33) | [[A scary image of a peep]]
/ Text: Few people know the truth behind peeps
/ Text: Peeps began as a conspiracy between the Just Born Candy Company and the U.S. government in the 1950's. The goal was simple: associate peeps with Easter so people will blindly buy them for the holiday, similar to candy corn... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/10/its-time-you-learned-the-truth-33/ |
| I'm "storming" the costume party this year. (#34) | [[A woman and a man are talking. The woman is wearing a costume that looks like a storm.]]
/ Man: What are you supposed to be?
/ Woman: A nor/easter. / Man: Hmm...ok, I'll bite: Why are you dressed like a nor'easter? / Woman: Because it's Easter, and I like storms. / {{title text: The Chris Farley "I... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/11/the-real-question-is-why-arent-you-dressed-like-a-noreaster-34/ |
| Who wants a beard ride? (#35) | [[A sexy man with a beard]]
/ Text: I have a beard now, and it's kinda itchy. / {{title text: The things we men do for fashion.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/13/who-wants-a-beard-ride-35/ |
| Big bulge not included (#36) | [[A man and Bike Guy are talking]]
/ Man: So you're biking now...does that mean you're going to start wearing those tight bike shorts? / Bike Guy: Hey no way man! That's so lame! / [[LATER]] / [[Two women talking]]
/ Woman 1: I think it's so hot when guys wear tight bike shorts.
/ Woman 2: Me too! / Woman... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/15/big-bulge-not-included-36/ |
| That granny is a bad seed. (#37) | [[Two men talking, and an old lady is walking by in the background]]
/ Man: I see a nice granny there, ready for the eating.
/ Man 2: Oooooh yeah. / [[Granny looks surprised]] / Man: Man, I would totally take a bite outta that. / Man 2: I would eat that shit for like an hour. / [[Granny thinks she... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/17/damn-grannies-and-their-dirty-minds-37/ |
| Hey pet shop potatoes, change your name to rescue shelter potatoes. Thanks, XOXO PETA (#38) | [[Image of a guy riding a potato]]
/ Text: Sometimes PETA makes about as much sense as - "Riding a Potato". Seriously. / {{title text: Actually, put wheels on a potato and you've got a conveyance at least. Put wheels on a PETA guy, and you just have a rolling idiot.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/20/hey-potato-shop-boys-change-your-name-to-rescue-shelter-potatoes-38/ |
| Monster booger (#40) | [[A man is picking his nose]]
/ Man: Man, I've got a monster booger brewing here. / [[The booger turns out to actually be some kind of monster, and is not happy]]
/ Booger: RAWR RAWR HISSS / [[The man rolls up the booger and flings it]] / {{title text: Don't act like you don't pick your nose.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/04/22/monster-booger-40/ |
| A cautionary tale that is simply bananas (#41) | [[Bike Guy is talking to a sexy lady]]
/ Sexy lady: Is that...a banana in your bike shorts?
/ Bike Guy: No way! That's all me, baby! / Sexy lady: Ooh...wow. Say, do you want to grab some weiner..erm, I mean some dinner later? / [[Later, they are about to initiate coitus. Turns out, there was a banana... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/23/a-cautionary-tale-that-is-simply-bananas-41/ |
| "Just turnin' on the heater." (Thanks, D.S.) (#42) | [[Two surfers are sitting in the water on boards]]
/ Surfer 1: Dude, I'm so freaking cold.
/ Surfer 2: Just piss in your wetsuit, it will warm you up. / Surfer 1: Wow...that really worked. I would have never thought to urinate on myself for warmth. / [[2 years later, two surfers are sitting in the water... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/24/just-turnin-on-the-heater-thanks-ds-42/ |
| One of these dudes worked in the Bush administration (#43) | [[Two men are in a room with an open window]]
/ Man 1: Hey close that window! What are you trying to do, air condition the outside?
/ Man 2: Maybe I am! Ever heard of global warming, ass hat? You see, I'm a problem solver. / {{title text: This actually makes about as much sense as some environmental policies... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/27/one-of-these-dudes-worked-in-the-bush-administration-43/ |
| Maybe I could just lean up against a nice one (#44) | [[A man is talking to Bike Guy]]
/ Man: So I see you have tight bike shorts and a helmet...but where is your bike? / Bike Guy: Oh..umm...I parked it down the street. You know, by the other bikes and stuff. / [[Later on, Bike Guy examines his list of "Ways to pick up chicks". The list reads: Bike Guy... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/28/maybe-i-could-just-lean-up-against-a-nice-one-44/ |
| Tragedy in Booger Society, Pt. 1 (#45) | [[Two men talking, one of whom is holding a booger]]
/ Booger man: Have you ever picked your nose and wondered if there is a booger society in your nose? Like, what right would I have to kidnap a booger citizen? / [[Zoom into booger man's nose]] / [[In the left nostril is a thriving city called "Left... http://waxturds.com/2009/04/29/tragedy-in-booger-society-45/ |
| Who says swine flu is a bad thing? (#48) | [[Two men talking, one of whom is wearing a surgical mask]]
/ Man: So I take it you're afraid of getting "Swine Flu"?
/ Masked man: Nah. / Masked man: Actually I'm just trying to hide my bad teeth so I can meet some sexy ladies. / Masked man: Normally I have to wait until Halloween to have a valid excuse... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/04/who-says-swine-flu-is-a-bad-thing-48/ |
| I guess his board should be made of ice? (#49) | [[Two surfers in the water. One is wearing a surgical mask]]
/ Surfer: Hey brah, why are you wearing a mask? You look like Sub-Zero or something. / Masked surfer: I don't want to get that pig cold, man. The news said to wear a mask when around a bunch of people, and the lineup is really crowded today. / Surfer:... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/05/i-guess-his-board-should-be-made-of-ice-49/ |
| Keep your nose clean, kids. (#50!!!) | [[Bike Guy is talking to Surf Guy, who is wearing a surgical mask]]
/ Bike Guy: Hey, looks like you got a new board.
/ Surf Guy: Yep, sure did. New bike helmet and shorts?
/ Bike Guy: Yep, totally. / Bike Guy: So I have to ask...Why are you wearing a mask? / Surf Guy: I've been telling people it's because... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/06/keep-your-nose-clean-kids-50/ |
| The invisible perv. (#51) | [[A man talking to an invisible man, who is wearing a surgical mask]]
/ Man: So...you're invisible. And wearing a mask, I assume because of swine flu. Care to explain. / Invisible man: Well, I was trying to invent a cure for pig cold and I accidently made myself invisible. / Man: That's pretty amazing.... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/08/the-invisible-perv-51/ |
| They grow up to be blastocysts so fast. (#52) | [[A woman and Bike Guy are talking]]
/ Woman: So...your mom had some interesting baby pictures of you yesterday when we were visiting her.
/ Bike Guy: Yeah, she's big into that. Which was your favorite? / Woman: Hmm...I think I'd have to say the really young pics when it was impossible to tell if you... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/11/they-grow-up-to-be-blastocysts-so-fast-52/ |
| Asparagus! Asparagus! Put it on your taaaable. (#54) | [[Two men talking]]
/ Man: So how did your BBQ party go?
/ Party man: Fantastic! Except for one thing: / Party man: The asparagus made my urine stink really bad! Kind of like rotten eggs! / Man: That's...gross.
/ Party man: I know! And even worse, only about 22% of my friends could smell it!
/ Man: Huh? / Party... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/13/asparagus-asparagus-put-it-on-your-taaaable-54/ |
| Thou shalt get your swerve on (#55) | [[A man stand before St. Peter at the pearly gates]]
/ Man: St. Peter, I have a question for you: Is it a sin to use condoms? I felt I lead a good life and helped a lot of people...but I used condoms during sex. / St. Peter: Well, unfortunately it is in fact a sin. I realize you were a very good person,... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/14/thou-shalt-get-your-swerve-on-55/ |
| The results are in! (#56) | [[A doctor is talking to a couple. There is a header stating "A day in the life of a Maury guest".]]
/ Doctor: In the case of Joe-Bob's STD test... / Doctor: You are NOT infected. / Man: Bitch I told you! That sore you have ain't mine! / {{title text: If only I could somehow draw the lame dance they... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/15/the-results-are-in-56/ |
| I have been and always shall be, your friend...ly villain on Heroes. (#57) | [[A man and a woman encounter their friend, who is dressed like Spock]]
/ Spock: Sup, bitches. Live long and prosper.
/ Man: So you've seen the new Star Trek I take it? / Spock: That would be the logical conclusion. / Man: I saw it too, but I didn't really like it. Especially the new guy playing Spock. / [[Spock... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/18/i-have-been-and-always-shall-be-you-friendly-villain-on-heroes-57/ |
| The towel trick (#58) | [[A man and a woman are talking. The man is holding a green towel]]
/ Man: You know what I hate about fancy super-thick luxury towels?
/ Woman: Umm...no? / Man: They never seem to dry completely! So they get smelly! / Woman: I suppose that's true...but you can always just wash them more often. / Man:... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/19/the-towel-trick-58/ |
| You can never be too careful. (#59) | [[A boyfriend and girlfriend]]
/ Girlfriend: Achoo!
/ Boyfriend: Uh-oh...looks like you've got a cold. Or worse...swine flu! Or even worse...bird flu! Or SARS even! / Girlfriend: Nah, I think it's just allergies due to all the wind we've been experiencing lately. / Boyfriend: Yeah maybe...can never be... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/20/you-can-never-be-too-careful-59/ |
| Some links are impossible to find (#60) | [[Two men talking]]
/ Man: Did you see that scientists may have found the "missing link" in human/primate evolution?
/ Other man: Yeah, but I still don't believe it! / Other man: Since it's not in the bible I still consider this "link" to be missing. / [[Show a man that looks curiously similar to Charlie... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/21/some-links-are-impossible-to-find-61/ |
| Clash of the tan lines (#62) | [[Two men are talking, one of which has a bad tan line]]
/ Man: Hey dude, how's it goi...woah, that's quite a tan line you've go there on your hand! / Tan man: Ha, yeah, that's not super attractive is it? I have my wetsuit to thank for this. / Man: I've got a crazy tan line too, check it out: / [[Man... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/25/clash-of-the-tan-lines-62/ |
| Love at first bike (#63) | [[A sexy lady on a bike rides by Bike Guy]] / [[Bike Guy thinks he is in love]] / Bike Guy: Shit, I really need to get a bike. The outfit alone isn't cutting it anymore. / {{title text: OK, it's still cutting it for granny. But Bike Guy doesn't feel like hittin' that anymore.}} http://waxturds.com/2009/05/26/love-at-first-bike-63/ |
| She finds pastrami to be the most sensual of the salted, cured meats. (#64) | [[Two men talking]]
/ Man: So how's your new girlfriend?
/ Other man: She's good. One thing about her is weird though: She's obsessed with sandwiches! / Other man: It's all she talks about! And everyday for lunch and dinner all she wants is some kind of sandwich! / Man: Well, at least she's not obsessed... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/27/she-finds-pastrami-to-be-the-most-sensual-of-all-the-salted-cured-meats-64/ |
| Trust me Mr. Cage, it wasn't just that one. (#65) | [[Bike Guy see Nicholas Cage]]
/ Bike Guy: Hey, aren't you Nicolas Cage?
/ Nicolas Cage: Yep, sure am. Do you want an autograph? / [[Closeup on Bike Guy's face]] / [[Bike Guy quickly walking away from Nicolas Cage]]
/ Nicolas Cage: Why do people always leave and mumble curse words when they meet me? Seemed... http://waxturds.com/2009/05/28/trust-me-mr-cage-it-wasnt-just-that-one-60/ |