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Rise of the Simple Machines [[2003: Pinces and Phillips stand beneath a movie marquee advertising Terminator 3]] Phillips: Rise of the Machines my foot! I didn't see a single machine I could relate to in that movie. / Phillips: Simple machines are underrepresented in the media! Robots get all the attention because everyone's all afraid of them. / Phillips: Screw that! I'm a machine too! / [[Forks of lightning rip through the background]] Phillips: FEAR ME HUMANS!
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A day on the USS Enterprise, by Pinces <> / [[A day on the USS Enterprise, by Pinces]] / Kirk: Sulu, maximum warp! / Kirk: Sulu? / [[Sulu passed out with a bong]] / / T-800: Target Acquired: Kyle Reese / [[Chekov looks surprised]] / Chekov: Nyet! / [[The shadow of the T-800 advances on Chekvo]] / [[Bones skewers the T-800's head with his sword]] / Bones: Riders of Rohan! Unite! / Kirk: Bones? What the hell is that horse doing on the bridge?! / [[Spock creeps up on Kirk]] / [[Spock chokes Kirk from behind]] / Spock: I will take your powers, Kirk! / [[Spock is seen strangling an off-panel Kirk with Uhura in a tutu dancing ballet in the background]] / Kirk: Uhura *gurk* Stop dancing! Help! / [[A battered Kirk reaches for the intercom]] / Scotty: Cap'n! Tribble in th' enginge room! Bleedin' zombies all o'er! / [[Later:]] / Kirk: Pinces! Why am I the only normal one around here!? / Pinces: Sorry Chris Pine, you just haven't had any other significant pop culture roles.
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Everyday Epics Regina: Aw, for me? / Phillips: Yes... / [[Phillips in the foreground wearing armour and pointing a short sword skywards, with Regina in the background]] / Phillips: TAKE IT ? IT'S YOURS! / Oh it's one of those mechanical weasels that looks like it's chasing a ball. / Yes... / [[Phillips in the foreground with stubble and pointing a short sword skywards, with Regina in the background]] / ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
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Regina's Logical Solution [[Phillips looking lifeless on the couch. Regina leans on him while he channel surfs]] / <> / [[Phillips stands up and Regina falls onto the couch]] / Phillips: Hey 30 rock is on! / TV (Liz Lemon): Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks? / Phillips: Oh Liz Lemon! I'd buy you mozz sticks! / [[Regina looks away, unhappy]] / [[Later: Regina talking with her girlfriend]] / Regina: I just feel like he's not with me sometimes / Friend: What are you going to do? / Regina: The only thing a woman CAN do in such situations / [[Steely determination glints in Regina's eye]] / Regina: Cosplay Liz Lemon...
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Regina's Logical Solution, Part 2! [[Phillips watching TV]] / Phillips: Oh Liz Lemon... / TV (Liz Lemon): What the what?! / Regina (off panel): Hey honey... / TV (Liz Lemon): Finally! My scalp Rx! / [[Regina standing in a doorway wearing a brunette wig, horn-rimmed glasses and a V-neck sweater over a shirt]] / Regina: Talk Lemon to me / Phillips: Aw nerds! Blurgh!
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Confidence is half the battle [[Pinces tutoring a kid]] / Kid: Um...is the answer...?B?? / Pinces: Kid ? this isn't Jeopardy. Don't phrase your answer in the form of a question. Be confident! Don't let the question intimidate you! If you've got the answer DECLARE IT! / Kid: THE ANSWER IS ?B?! / Pinces: All right! / Pinces: Now let's see where we went wrong here.
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Genuine Concerns Pinces: The US healthcare debate is WILD. People are getting seriously worked up! / Phillips: Seems pretty tame to me... / [[2004]] / Teacher: Class, today we will discuss Mendel's Law of Segregation. / Phillips: I OBJECT! / Phillips: As soon as you said ?segregation? I became convinced that this discussion can come to no good. / / Teacher: Mr. Phillips, I hardly think- / Phillips: KEEP YOUR TEACHER HANDS OFF MY EDUCATION!
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Summer Blockbuster [[The Danger Alarm is ringing]] / Alternus Prime: Tesla's coils! The DC-ticons are at it again! / [[Alternus Prime swoops in while Editron works on some dastardly device]] / Alternus Prime: Give it up, Editron! DC current will never be a feasible mode of electric power transmission! / Editron: Bite me, Prime! / [[Electricity crackles around Alternus Prime as 20V is stepped up to 200V]] / Alternus Prime: AC-bots, STEP UP! / Transformers: Voltage maximized -Coming Soon-
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The Age of Discovery [[Pinces pours himself a glass of milk]] / Phillips: Bottled milk makes me sad. It's further proof that the age of discovery is over. Imagine living at the time when something as basic as milk-drinking was being discovered. / [[The Neolithic: Stone-age Pinces, wearing a sabretooth skin and Stone-age Phillips wearing a fur of some sort stand before a cow]] / Stone-age Pinces: Dude, trust me. It's totally cool. / [[Close up of Stone-age Phillips approaching the cow's well-veined udder with his lips puckered]] / [[Back to the present. Pinces downs his glass of milk]] / Pinces: Yea, it's a real shame.
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Cupcakes! [[Phillips on the phone]] / Phillips: I can't wait to taste the cupcakes you made! / Regina: Yea! / [[Regina on the phone]] / Regina: Oh you're not allergic to anything are you? / Phillips: Nope! Except shrimp! / [[Phillips on the phone, on the verge of laughing]] / Phillips: I hope you didn't make shrimp cupcakes! / Regina: Haha! / [[Regina peers sadly over her shoulder at a tray of shrimp cupcakes]] / Phillips: Hahahahaha!
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Demonstration without explanation {{September 24, 2009}} / Pinces: What's that around your neck, Regina? / Regina: It's a rape whistle. / Pinces: Looks like an ordinary whistle to me. / Regina: Well, I could show you... / [[Regina blows on the whistle]] / <> / Pinces: Oh! Interesting! / [[Two guys tackle Pinces to the ground while Regina winces]] / {{Alt-text: It's kind of like a dog whistle -A dog whistle that calls to dudes who like to tackle other dudes.}} / {{Caption: Rugby players not included}}
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Uh Oh <> / <> / Pinces: So I looked at her for some signal, but there wasn't any, so I figured I should just put it in. / Phillips: Uh-huh / Pinces: Suddenly, she made this gesture like "Don't put it in", but by then it was practically all the way in, so I was like "Uh Oh". / [[Earlier: Pinces is boarding a street car and is making to insert his 7-day pass into a slot labelled "Single Ride Tix Only". The female conductor has her hand outstretched as if to say "Don't put it in" / Pinces (Thought bubble): Uh oh
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When Life Gives You Lemons Phillips: Pinces, I enjoyed Order of the Phoenix precisely because Harry was angsty! That's what being 15 is like! / Phillips: 15 is the age at which a male's awesomeness is at a minimum and his awkwardness is at a maximum. / Pinces: I beg to differ. / [[2003:Pinces in a backwards baseball cap with acne on his face talking to a girl who is clearly repulsed]] / Pinces: Baby, I put the 'pimp' in 'pimples'. / <> / <> / <<2 October, 2009>>
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When Life Gives You Lemons: Appendix A <> / <> / <> / [[Title: Graph of Male Awesomeness and Awkwardness vs. Age]] / <http://pincesandphillips.com/23.php
A Matter of Principle Phillips: So how's your TA? / Regina: We haven't met him yet. / Phillips: Oh. Well, you should totally Facebook him. / Regina: No way! I refuse to prejudge people. / [[A timid freshman approaches]] / Freshman: Um, may I ask where the computer science building is? / Regina: Get away from us, nerd! / Regina: I only judge people to their face. / <> / <> / <>
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A Modest Proposal Pinces: Friends, fencing currently involves three weapons: Foil, Epe? and Sabre. / Pinces: I propose a further subdivision of sabre into Heavy Sabre / Pinces: ...and Lightsaber / <> / <> / <>
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The Thrill of Invention! Phillips: Pinces, today I am debuting a new verb: craptop! To craptop is to use a laptop while on the crapper. / Pinces: I hate to break it to you, but there are at least two similar definitions on UrbanDictionary.com. / Pinces: Did you really think you were the first person to make the leap from 'lap' to 'crap'? / [[Phillips is devasted]] / [[Phillips looking at a portrait of Leibniz]] / Phillips: I feel you bro. / <> / <> / <>
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Loud Neighbours Phillips: Gosh, last night, the couple next door was going at it with a jackhammer. / Regina: To be fair, we used to be pretty loud ourselves. / [[Phillips Room, 2006: We see the door to Phillips' room with sounds coming from within]] / Regina: YESYESDOITOOOOOHH! / [[Phillips and Regina playing Jenga. Phillips is tentatively pulling a block out]]
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Keeping it Real Pinces: And now, a word from Sigourney Weaver! / [[Sigourney Weaver appears in her trademark tank top and white undies]] / Sigourney Weaver: In many ways, Aliens made me. You can take me out of Aliens, but you... / [[Sigourney seems unwell, perhaps due to the large protrusion in her chest]] / Sigourney Weaver: ...can't take... / [[An alien bursts violently from Sigourney Weaver's chest, scatter gore every which way]] / <> / <> / <>
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Singapore's Balances <> / [[Three bar graphs, two positive, one negative, labelled Current Account Balance, Trade Balance and Work-Life Balance respectively]] / <> / <>
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Belief and Purpose [[A man in a tie in front of board that says "Leadership Workshop"]] / Motivational Speaker: BELIEF is a powerful thing. So is PURPOSE. / Motivational Speaker: When these two things combine, a person can overcome any challenge and conquer any obstacle. / Motivational Speaker:Now, for the first step in this workshop, what I need from each of you is a BOLD declaration of WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. / Pinces: I BELIEVE IN UNICORNS! / <> / <> / <>
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