You're browsing the archives of Pinces & Phillips.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| It does not follow | Phillips: Pinces, we missed Halloween this year!
/ Pinces: I know! / Pinces: Indian food is great though!
/ Phillips: What? Pinces that's totally off-topic. / Phillips: That was a total..what's the word.. / Pinces: NAAN SEQUITUR? / < http://pincesandphillips.com/31.php |
| Spiritual Exploration | Phillips: Wanna go for a hike on Sunday?
/ Pinces: Ah, can?t. I have church. / Phillips: You?re Christian?
/ Pinces: No-well... I'm seriously considering it / [[Phillips stares piercingly at Pinces]] / Pinces [[Downcast]]: I go to church to meet girls. / <<6 Nov, 2009>>
/ < http://pincesandphillips.com/32.php |
| A call to arms... | Pinces: Hey Phillips, what's the opposite of "abstract"? / Phillips: Um, I guess it'd be "concrete". / Pinces: That's what I was thinking, but if that's the case... / Pinces: What was the opposite of "abstract" before "concrete" was invented? / {{November 9, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: ...for etymologists}}
/ {{Alt-text: Maybe concrete is named after the concept of concreteness. That'd be cool - there aren't a lot of construction materials named after concepts...are there?}} http://pincesandphillips.com/33.php |
| The LA Times | Phillips: Gosh listen to this: ?He molested his 11-year-old daughter four decades ago ?
/ Pinces: That's awful / Philliips: I know. The chronology is all messed up. It's not clear whether his daughter is 11 years old now or was 11 years old 40 years ago. Or maybe he's a time-travelling sexual psychopath. / Pinces: I think you're missing the suffering at the heart of this story.
/ Phillips: Not true. / Phillips: This sloppy writing is making me suffer plenty! / {{November 13, 2009}}
/ {{Alt-text: Maybe he time-travelled with his 11-year-old daughter 40 years into the past}}
/ {{Caption: Time-travelling sexual psychopaths are the worst}} http://pincesandphillips.com/34.php |
| Trick Question | Regina: Phillips, do you really want to come shopping with me?
/ Phillips: Well... / Phillips: ...not really, but I don't have anything better to do.
/ Regina: Gee thanks, Phillips / [[Regina is walking away]]
/ Phillips: Uh, what I meant was - there's nothing I'd enjoy more!
/ Regina: Just forget it / [[Regina has left]]
/ Phillips: Given a number of viable alternatives I would choose the one that involves you! / {{November 16, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: You blew it, kid}}
/ {{Alt-text: Provided none of the alternatives involves cheese steaks, in which case I give no guarantees.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/35.php |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://pincesandphillips.com/a36.php">http://pincesandphillips.com/a36.php | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Too Natural | [[Pinces eating cereal]] / [[A ghost rises from the cereal, Pinces freaks out]] / [[Closeup of the box and cereal bowl. The box reads: "Granola, Super Natural with Almonds and Raisins". Meanwhile, in the background, Pinces flees from the ghost]] / {{November 23, 2009}}
/ {{Alt-text: No pesticides, herbicides or ghosticides}}
/ {{Caption: More than just a good source of dietary fiber.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/37.php |
| Let's cut to the chase | [[Phillips sitting across from a guy who is leaning off panel to get something]]
/ Phillips: Mike, let's cut to the chase
/ Mike: I was hoping you'd say that / [[Mike has two toy cars out and is pushing at each other]]
/ Mike: Vroom! Vroom! Vreeee! / [[Mike raises his hands in celebration as a mini mushroom cloud engulfs the toy cars]] / [[Pinces and Phillips]]
/ Phillips: It's difficult to talk frankly with Michael Bay / {{November 27, 2009}}
/ {{Alt-Text: The search for a director for 'Pinces & Phillips: The Movie' continues}}
/ {{Caption: Actually, this is a pretty accurate reflection of the origin of this phrase.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/38.php |
| Say No | [[A pill with an E on his forhead sits despondently against a wall, clutching his knees to his chest. He has a black eye and a scuff on his other temple. An ominous shadow looms from an unseen doorway. The caption of the picture reads "Say 'No' to Drug Abuse"]] / {{November 30, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: Drugs have feelings too}}
/ {{Alt-text: The E is for ecstasy guys}} http://pincesandphillips.com/39.php |
| Whispering Contest | [[Pinces on the phone]]
/ Pinces: Yo Phillips.
/ Phillips (Whispering over the phone): Hey, what's up? / Pinces: Why are you whispering?
/ Phillips (Whisper):I'm in the library. / Pinces: Let's have a whispering contest
/ Phillips (Whisper): Sorry, What? / Pinces: [[Unintelligible]]*
/ *I'm winning / {{December 4, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: Pinces is a competitive sort}}
/ {{Alt-Text: Pinces considered going pro after high school, but he chose education over fame and money.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/40.php |
| WiFi on the move | Pinces: Phillips, how do they provide wireless internet on moving buses? It's like some kind of magic! / Phillips: I don't know, Pinces, but it works and that's good enough for me. / [[At the bus depot]]
/ Mechanic: Any problems with the bus?
/ Driver: Wireless was a bit patchy / [[A unicorn is being wrangled in the background]]
/ Mechanic: Ok, I'll top up the unicorn blood and you'll be all set / {{December 07, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: Seriously - How do they do it?}}
/ {{Alt-text: There's a future in unicorn ranching, my friends}} http://pincesandphillips.com/41.php |
| Oldies | Phillips: Pinces, contemporary pop music has no staying power! / Phillips: I wager that in 50 years, Oldies radio stations will be playing the same Oldies they are playing today! / [[50 years later, Pinces and Phillips sit around a radio on a table. Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA is playing in the background]] / Phillips: Shut up / {{Alt-Text: Nice beard, future-Phillips.}}
/ {{Caption: Nice hoverchairs, guys.}}
/ {{December 11, 2009}} http://pincesandphillips.com/42.php |
| Winter Break | [[Pinces and Phillips playing video games]]
/ Pinces: This is awesome! I could do this all break! / [[A thought bubble reveals that Phillips is thinking about his resume. Pinces has leaped onto the couch]] / [[Phillips working hard at a laptop, presumably on his resume]] / [[A thought bubble reveals that Phillips is thinking about video games. He looks sad]] / {{December 14, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: So little time}}
/ {{Alt-text: Ah Phillips - a wandering mind is never satisfied.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/43.php |
| Trav-o-lators | Phillips: Moving walkways are key because they allow you to walk faster than normal. / Pinces: No, travelators are clutch because they allow you to maintain a normal pace with less effort. / [[Pinces and Phillips stare each other down. Box: Our heroes butt heads! How will they ever resolve this fundamental difference in worldview?!]] / [[Pinces and Phillips look appeased]]
/ Phillips: Folks, there are two types of people in the world... / {{Alt-text: People like Pinces need to keep to one side so that they don't hold up people like Phillips.}}
/ {{Caption: Pinces & Phillips: Turning trivial issues into pithy dichotomies since 2004.}}
/ {{December 18, 2009}} http://pincesandphillips.com/44.php |
| Multitiude of Mistresses | Phillips: Tiger Woods this, Tiger Woods that. Can't we move past this one dude and his multitude of mistresses? / Phillips: This obsession with the tawdry personal lives of celebrities reflects poorly on our media and consequently on us as a society. / Regina: If it bothers you so much why don't you just stop following the reports?
/ Phillips: I guess I could... / Phillips: But then I wouldn't have anything to complain about it. / {{December 21, 2009}}
/ {{Caption: Totally legitimate concern, Phillips.}}
/ {{Alt-text: This is a guy whose claim to fame is being the best at putting balls into holes. Come on.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/45.php |
| Gift-Giving | Phillips: Merry Christmas, Pinces!
/ Pinces: Aw thanks buddy! Is it unicorn-related? / Phillips: Uh, no it's not - did you want it to be?
/ Pinces: Gotcha! / Phillips: Haha!
/ Pinces: Haha! / [[Pinces' thought bubble: A unicorn sheds a tear]] / {{Caption: Don't you know me at all?!}}
/ {{Alt-text: Merry Christmas, internet.}}
/ {{25 December, 2009}} http://pincesandphillips.com/46.php |
| Jet Lag | [[Pinces just woken up, looking at his alarm clock. It's dark outside]]
/ Pinces: Ugh 7am? I can afford to catch a few more... / [[Pinces sleeping]] / [[Later]]
/ Pinces: Still dark out huh. Well, it's always good to get an early start... / [[Alarm clock: 4pm]]
/ Pinces: OMG. http://pincesandphillips.com/47.php |
| New Year's Eve | Pinces: What'd you do for New Year's Eve, Phillips?
/ Phillips: Stayed home. Wrote some cover letters. / Pinces: WHAT?! Dude that is super lame.
/ Phillips: I mean, it's one day out of 365. I can party some other time. / Pinces: Think about this: How many New Year's Eves will you live through? And how many while you're young? You should be out making memories! In 20 years will you remember what you wrote in that cover letter? / [[20 years later: Phillips is a power suit and Pinces in hobo garb]]
/ Phillips: You're right I don't remember -
/ Pinces: Shut up / {{Alt-text: Pinces - Homeless or Hipster?}}
/ {{Caption: Guys its 2010!}} http://pincesandphillips.com/48.php |
| New Year's Eve - Part 2! | [[Last time:]]
/ [[20 years later: Phillips is a power suit and Pinces in hobo garb]]
/ You're right I don't rememb-
/ Shut up / [[TWIST!]]
/ That was just Phillips' fantasy. I don't turn out to be a bum! / In reality, I turn out to be as successful as Phillips. I just have a couple of crazier stories from my youth because I actually did cool stuff on New Year's Eve instead of staying in and writing cover letters. / Phillips: I have no regrets!
/ Pinces: Of course not / {{Caption: Is it still appropriate to wish people "Happy New Year" at this point?}}
/ {{Alt-text: Your actions have no consequences! At least not the consequences you were raised to expect!}}
/ {{January 4, 2010}} http://pincesandphillips.com/49.php |
| Dubious Descriptions | [[Phillips holds a cup a saucer]]
/ Phillips: Regina bought this fancy herbal tea. It's supposed to be ?thick, malty, but surprisingly airy? / [[As he drinks]]
/ Phillips: What a load of crap / [[Phillips' head puffs up]] / [[Phillips floats away]]
/ Pinces: Surprise! http://pincesandphillips.com/50.php |
| Two Ways to Watch Avatar | [[Phillips leaving the theatre with Regina]]
/ Regina: What'd you think?
/ Phillips: Superb! / Phillips: Beautifully realized! A science-fiction parable for our times! / [[Alternate universe: Phillips leaving the theatre with Pinces]]
/ Pinces: And then the guy was like ?Switch to incendiaries?
/ Phillips: And then the people were like ?AHH!!? / Pinces: AND NEYTIRI?
/ Phillips: Choo choo! Next stop Blueboobsville, USA! / {{Caption: James Cameron's got all his bases covered}}
/ {{Alt-text: Blueboobsville - try saying THAT 10 times fast.}}
/ {{January 11, 2010}} http://pincesandphillips.com/51.php |
| '24' Fan Fiction | Pinces: Hey Phillips, check out my ?24? fan fiction! / ?Useful skills for EVERYDAY life? by Jack Bauer
/ Jack Bauer: I should know.. I've had some pretty bad days.
/
/ Jack Bauer: First you'll need a knife. A real SHARP knife. / Jack Bauer: Because chopping onions with a dull knife is a recipe for tears! / Phillips: This really didn't go where I thought it would / {{January 15, 2010}}
/ {{Caption: To answer your question: Yes. Yes, he is wearing a bullet-proof vest.}}
/ {{Alt-text: The sequel to the best-selling 'Jack Bauer's Legal Advice for Daily Life'}} http://pincesandphillips.com/52.php |
| Sick | [[Pinces and Phillips at a pong table]]
/ Phillips: Dude you don't look so good / Phillips: You sholdn't play if you're sick
/ Pinces: I know I'm sick / [[Stars and rainbows erupt around Pinces]]
/ Pinces: SICK AT PONG / Pinces: cough! hack! / {{January 18, 2010}}
/ {{Alt-text: Pinces is usually an excellent left side player}}
/ {{Caption: Look at that spin!}} http://pincesandphillips.com/53.php |
| Shots | [[Pinces dressed like LMFAO]]
/ SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS / SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS / [[Phillips dressed like lil' jon]]
/ Phillips: EVERYBODY / [[Pinces with syringes sticking out of him]]
/ Pinces: Be a responsible community member - get your shots! / {{January 22, 2010}}
/ {{Caption: Shots are cool!}}
/ {{Alt-text: Marketing gold}} http://pincesandphillips.com/54.php |
| TOUCHDOWN | 240110
/ Pinces: TOUCHDOWN!!! / Pinces: WHAT NOW SON?! / Pinces: WHAT NOW?! / Alan: Well, the team will either kick for 1 point or try for a 2-point conversion from the two yard line. / {{Caption: Oh thanks for clearing that up, Alan}}
/ {{January 26, 2010}}
/ {{Alt-text: With special guest Alan Wrench! Made famous by Ikea.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/55.php |
| A Good Match | Pinces: We're totally well suited / Pinces: You like dogs. I like dogs / Pinces: You like Chinese food. I like Chinese food. / Pinces: You're hot. I've been working out. / {{January 29, 2010}}
/ {{Alt-text: Ladies, Pinces is willing to work for it.}}
/ {{Caption: That's why the ladies love him.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/56.php |
| Standing Up | [[Phillips with a black eye]]
/ Pinces: Woah what happened to you?
/ Phillips: Well, remember when you told me to stand up to Regina more? / [[Friday]]
/ Regina: Phillips, how many times have I told you not to put your dirty socks in the wash. / Phillips: I'll put whatever I want in the wash! / [[Saturday]]
/ Regina: Phillips, don't use your salad fork for dessert. It's uncouth. / Phillips: I'll do whatever I please with my salad fork! / [[Sunday]]
/ Regina: I never said that! Don't put words in my mouth! / Phillips: I'll put whattever I want in your mouth! / Pinces: I see. / {{February 1, 2010}}
/ {{Caption: You can take my life, but you can never take MY SALAD FORK!}}
/ {{Alt-text: Regina's got a mean left hook.}} http://pincesandphillips.com/57.php |
| Cheeseburgers, Part 1 | Pinces: Alan! How are things going with that girl you like? Have you made your move?
/ Alan: No ? I'm still feeling the situation out. / Pinces: Look, good girls are like cheeseburgers - Do you like cheeseburgers?
/ Alan: Of course. Who doesn't? / Pinces: EXACTLY! If YOU think she's a cheeseburger IT'S PRETTY LIKELY SOMEONE ELSE THINKS SHE'S A CHEESEBURGER TOO. / Alan: Bu-
/ Pinces: FACT. / {{Caption: It is a truth universally acknowledge that a a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a cheeseburger.}}
/ {{Alt-text: There's plenty more cheeseburger wisdom where this came from...}}
/ {{February 6, 2010}} http://pincesandphillips.com/58.php |
| Cheeseburgers, Part 2 | Pinces: Let's push this "girls as cheeseburgers" analogy further- Some cheeseburgers have pickles! Some have mayo! / Pinces: And that's just pickles and mayo! Once you consider all the traits a cheeseburger may or may not have ? well, the cheeseburger possibilities are endless! / Pinces: The point is ? you have to know what you want in your cheeseburger. What do you want in YOUR cheeseburger, Alan? / Alan: I guess what I really want is like...an Asian cheeseburger. / {{Caption: A Cheeseburger by any other name...}}
/ {{February 8, 2010}}
/ {{Alt-Text:}} http://pincesandphillips.com/59.php |
| Natural Phenomena | 130210
/ Regina: Phillips did you know that sometimes volcanic eruptions generate lightning among the magma?! That has to be the most awesome natural phenomenon.
/ Phillips: Nahhh / Phillips: The most awesome natural phenomenon is you, baby. / Regina: Awww. / Regina: But seriously, VOLCANO LIGHTNING. / {{February 13, 2010}}
/ {{Alt-Text: Happy Valentine's Day!}}
/ {[Caption: This if for real. link to http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap100210.html}} http://pincesandphillips.com/60.php |