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| Peace (Except in Video Games) | [[peace symbol]] / Except in video games. / {{...and at family reunions.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-03-18 |
| Types of People in the World | [[It is a Google search page with text in red written over it.]] / Search box: "two types of people in the world"
/ Results area: 5,280,000 / [[5,280,000 is circled in red.]] / Red Text: There are many types of people in this world, and so few of them give a shit about your petty distinctions. / {{(maybe)}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-03-20 |
| I Lungs New York | I [lungs] New York. / {{New York is actually pretty cool. Easier on the lungs than Toronto, anyway.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-03-23 |
| Oral Sex | Sperm talking to tooth: You look... different... / Narrator: Oral sex must be supremely disorienting for sperm. / [[a tooth and an individual sperm]] / {{He was expecting someone more... ovular. Enamel penetration was not covered in basic training.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-03-27 |
| The Fire Hydrant's Revenge | The Revenge: a short picture play / [[In panel one, a small dog sniffs at the base of a fire hydrant. IN the second panel, the dog is now gone, and the fire hydrant is spraying a stream of water into the space that he had previously occupied]] / {{In Soviet Russia...}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-03-31 |
| Faking Your Death on April Fools' Day | Anyone who fakes his death on April Fools' Day
/ Kind of has it coming. / [[Cross headstone in graveyard. Inscription reads: Incipit Vita Nova]] / {{Today is April Fools' AND Opposite Day (first Wednesday of the month). I don't even know what to do with that.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-01 |
| The Modern Poetry Activity Book | [[A piece of paper. Text in all caps is written on in red, all other is text as typed on paper.]] / Text: The Modern Poetry Activity Book
/ Make Your Own Poem! / Shades of [[animation-switches between "Sapphire" and "Vermillion"]] <-- OBSCURE COLOR PINWHEEL
/ by _______________ <---- YOU'RE A POET!
/ you are a blurry [[animation- gray rectangle is cratched away to reveal "Orphe"]]us <---SCRATCH-AWAY GREEK ALLUSION!
/ wading waist-deep
/ on an ocean-carpet
/ the cries of gulls cannot
/ reach you
/ where you [[animation- the word "slink" slides back and forth on a small yellow card]] <--- TYPOGRAPHY SLIDER FUN!
/ a blunt moment shrieks [["..." on yellow card]] <---- DO-IT-YOURSELF PUNCTUATION STICKERS [[on yellow sticker sheet. Under this, a blank space, next to 2 ellipsis stickers, followed by rows of 3, with various punctuation.]]
/ my axis is tilting to
/ a sour
/ moon
/ give [[animation- "a dog a penny" is covered and revealed by a translucent gray bar. When covered, the text is in italics.]] <---- DRAMATIC ITALICS BAR
/ when the bone man comes / {{This coming from the guy with a degree in Creative Writing.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-02 |
| "Shot First" | You can argue about Han and Greedo all you want. I know exactly how it goes. Mal shot first. / [[The background image is of Nathan Fillion as Mal Reynolds in Firefly. Mal is pointing a pistol at someone who is not in the camera shot]] / {{I've been told that there are no straight men, just men who haven't met Mal Reynolds.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-03 |
| Alan Moore's Watchmen as a Text Adventure | [[Sideways text smilie face with blood red comma on its forehead]] / Welcome to the Watchmen graphic novel text adventure!
/ You are a hard-boiled masked crusader. You find yourself in an alley. Your compatriot, The Comedian, has just been killed. A dead dog lies on the pavement with a tire track through its stomach. You feel an overwhelming urge to narrate in a manner much like Christian Bale circa The Dark Knight, only less constipated.
/ USER COMMAND: Narrate to journal.
/ You prattle on in riveting gritty prose about the destabilizing political and moral climate. If anyone could hear you, they'd know that it's totally manly to keep a diary. At some point you realize you should probably be investigating the death of that dude you were just told about.
/ USER COMMAND: Investigate.
/ You discover that this whole thing is just about space aliens under the command of a purple-clad cosplayer who names himself after dead guys.
/ Yeah, I know.
/ Disappointing.
/ USER COMMAND: Watch the movie instead.
/ Although the book has an ending that many people have found to be disappointing, it is still rife with poetic resonance and socio-political acumen that the movie simply cannot live up to.
/ You lose.
/ Maybe you can wait for the DVD release. / {{Real men keep diaries.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-06 |
| I Dreamed Everyone Had Sprouted Wings | Last night I dreamed that everyone in the world had sprouted wings.
/ At any moment we could spread our arms and disappear into the sky.
/ But instead we stayed in bed and bitched about the kinks in our feathers. / [[a batch of feathers lying on leaf covered ground]] / {{What weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of recrimination?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-07 |
| The Thinker | The Thinker: Okay, just play it cool. Look pensive and no one will notice you're not wearing pants. / [[The Thinker by Auguste Rodin]] / {{This strategy has never worked for me.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-08 |
| Snowman | The Menace of the Less-Than-Abominable Snowman
/ He's actually an okay guy..
/ It's just...
/ I dunno...
/ He could try harder sometimes. / [[bird's eye view looking down on snowman through snow covered branches]] / {{He's cousins with the curmudgeonly yeti.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-09 |
| Hindsight | [[woman with ice skates around her shoulders]] / Grandma says that only hindsight can make the past a beautiful place.
/ That everyone has always been ful of prejudice and brutality. / I just don't see how anyone could hate anyone in a world where ice cream costs a nickle. / {{I scream, you scream, we all scream for conflict resolution.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-10 |
| Easter Bunny's Lament | [[There is a gray rabbit with a red bow around its neck. It lacks digits. There is a brown, ovoid lump behind it and a cigarette in its mouth. There is text to the right.]] / Easter Bunny: Spring... Humping... I get it.
/ But eggs? Chocolate eggs?
/ This holiday shit is getting ridiculous. / {{My greatest source of religious doubt is the fact that chocolate still seems cooler than resurrection.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-13 |
| Pissing Off the Microsoft Word Paperclip | [[There is a Microsoft Word document. The Office Assistant (that annoying little paperclip guy) is on the right.]] / Document text: Since the dawn of time mankind has looked upon literrature, as the highest form of art. Shakespear is one of the greatest literrary figures, he is so much widespread that even in countries, like Africa and Nepal, they translate his plays poems and writings. But, why is he read, so widely? In this essay I will prove that Shakespear isimportant because his plays show about how people can communicate, / Office Assistant: It looks like you're a moron. I bet you didn't even read the goddamn book! / [[Bullet point]] Admit your failure, you weak bag of flesh / [[Bullet point]] Make sweeping generalizations about culture / [[Checked box]] Send the other guy next time. / {{Microsoft Word is disappointed with you.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-16 |
| Guns Don't Kill People | [[bullet standing on end]] / I hate to admit it, but the N.R.A. is technically correct:
/ Guns don't kill people.
/ It's usually the bullets. / {{...you know, that come out of the guns.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-17 |
| War | [[cross gravestone]] / I sometimes feel that seeing the glory in war is like seeing the Emperor's new clothes.
/ Except everybody's naked. / {{War! What is it good for? #1 hit singles, apparently.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-20 |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-22#.TydHGPuerVQ.facebook">http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-22#.TydHGPuerVQ.facebook | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Intro to Stoichiometry | [[Erlenmeyer flask with green liquid and vapour]] / CHEM 2202 is not useful for my degree. / And I don't want to take any stoichiometry. / But I would do anything to tell you that we have Chemistry together. / {{There's no "I" in Erlenmeyer flask.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-24 |
| No Way to Lose When You're Not Wearing Pants | My roommate started play loud music, so I stopped wearing pants.
/ She might be repulsed, and move out.
/ She might be intrigued, and fall in love.
/ There's pretty much no way to lose
/ when you're not wearing pants. / [[Pants on a laundry line]] / {{Pants pants pants!}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-27 |
| When You Cross a Bulldog and a Shitzu | What do you get when you cross a bulldog with a shitzu?
/ A Punnett Square! / HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(PLEASEDON'THATEME)HAHAHAHA / {{I'm sorry, did I make you cross?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-28 |
| Why Gendered Nouns in French Grammar Make No Sense | I still don't know which makes less sense:
/ Our antiquated notions of gender, / [[male sign]]
/ le f?ninisme
/ (feminism)
/ masculine noun / [[female sign]]
/ la masculinit?
/ (masculinity)
/ feminine noun / or French grammar. / {{Gender constructions in life and language seem equally arbitrary to me.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-29 |
| End of the World | [[rusty pipes and bare wall, possibly concrete]] / It's the end of the world as we know it, and, truth be told, I don't see why we care so bloody much. / {{The end o' the world is a great excuse to blast The Final Countdown at inappropriate hours.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-04-30 |
| You Are a Light | [[There is a lit candle. It's pale green, if you care about that sort of thing. The text is in seperate lines, with the 2nd line (beginning "And") as the smallest and each after getting bigger.]] / Text: You are a light burning brightly in the dark.
/ And I am
/ A big
/ Dumb
/ Moth. / {{Actually, the whole hypothesis for the attracted to light thing is kind of cool.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-05 |
| Bertrand le Bleuet: Bilingual Adventures of a French Blueberry | Cette bande dessin?e n'est pas une all?gorie
/ politique. Elle traite du contraste entre
/ l'humour noir et la joie enfantine.
/ < http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-06 |
| What Facebook Does to Grammar | Status: Peter Chiykowski blames Facebook for his excessive use of the third person. / {{What kind of self-respecting comic would use Facebook for shameless self-promotion?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-07 |
| Egyptian Gaming Pantheon | [[There is a title above three "modified" Egyptian gods, on a sandy background. The first is Anubis (the jackal-headed one) with a word bubble saying "Healz?" and a flag with a question mark. The second is Hathor (woman with cow horns that have a sun disk between them) whose left forearm is a rocket launcher, and the disk over her head is marked with three exclamation points. The third is Amun-Ra (has the head of a falcon and a sun disk) holding a waffle with "ROFL WAFFLE" written on it in his right hand, a staff with a yellow square on top with a smiley face, and ":)" on his disk. There is a name and description beneath each.]] / Text: An00bis
/ God of the Neophytes,
/ Whose wrath is frequent and laughable / Haxthor
/ Rocket-Whore Goddess,
/ Who camps in wait for the passing of the weak. / Amun-ROFL
/ The Giggling God,
/ Whose lolz are as abundant as the stars. / {{Sooner or later we all must accept that Nubia is a real place, and that it has nothing to do with nubs.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-11 |
| Canterbury Tales Plot Summary in Five Words | The Canterbury Tales: A Plot Summary / Knight: (Penis.) / Miller: Penis! / Reeve: Penis! / Man of Law: Penis? / Wife of Bath: Penis! / {{Can I get a "hola" from the medievalists in the house?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-13 |
| Juvenile Delinquent | Text: You're only young once, but you can be immature forever / [["Young" and "juvenile" are crossed out, and replaced with "juvenile" and "delinquent," respectively. Below text, a crowbar lies accross the red marker presumably used to do so, with a small scribble in red near the tip.]] / {{Maybe "juvenile" is a state of mind?}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-18 |
| Morpheus | Morpheus is a scary man. / [[The background image is of Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus in The Matrix. He is sitting in a leather armchair, and holding his hands out. In his right hand, there is a blue pill, which has been circled in blue and labeled "Viagra". In his left hand, there are several red pills, which have been circled in red and labeled "roofie".]] / {{I will not make a rabbit hole joke.
/ I will not make a rabbit hole joke.
/ I will not make a rabbit hole joke.
/ Tee hee, rabbit hole.
/ I will not make a rabbit hole joke.
/ I will not make a rabbit hole joke.
/ I will not make a rabbit hole joke.}} http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-05-20 |
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