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| Throw house, do not collect $200 | [A manicured hand is scooping up a green house off a boardwalk street. Later, a giant woman is hurling a house at Megatron. It turns out that kid Colin and Avery are playing a modified version of the board game monopoly.] / ?You?re right, this is more fun!?
/ ?Rarrrr! Be warned, Reading Railroad is Muppet... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/12/06/throw-house-do-not-collect-200/ |
| Yellow Fever | [Avery on three dates, each with guys embarrassing themselves over her ethnicity] / Man, I love white rice
/ It just goes with everything.
/ You must get tired of it though, right?
/ I'm sorry? / Are you sure you're Korean?
/ When I first saw you, I could've sworn you were Chinese.
/ And I've always been... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/04/26/yellow-fever/ |
| Colin's Internship | [Colin is explaining what he expects his internship to be to Avery] / So you start your internship tomorrow, right?
/ Do you know what you're going to do yet?
/ I've got a pretty good idea ... / Okay Colin, to get you started, I'd like you to play through the second level of Battletoads without losing... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/04/27/colins-internship/ |
| Online Dating is Pretty Sweet | [Colin talks about his expectations for his friend's online dating] / A 9am Match.com check? I take it that means it's working out for you?
/ Eh, it's kind of a mixed bag. Lots of attractive women, but I think most of them are nuts. / oooh ... this one's wearing a cowboy hat, that's kind of hot.
/ Well,... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/04/28/online-dating-is-pretty-sweet/ |
| Holding Hands | [Avery is upset about a guy she is dating trying to hold her hand.] / Oh Man, he's doing that horrible thing where he wants to hold hands again. How did I ever get sucked into dating a hand holder? / Ugh ... it's just so pathetic. So ... weak.
/ I mean, I barelt no this guy, and he thinks he can hold... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/04/30/holding-hands/ |
| Colin's Van | [Colin talk about his expectations of living out of a white utility van.] / "One of my dreams in life is to own a really killer van. People will see it and be all like, 'There's the guy with the great van! I hear her doesn't need to eat anymore, that travel has become his only sustenance! I hear that... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/01/colins-van/ |
| How to Make A Grilled Cheese Sandwich | [A short list of instructions on making a grilled cheese sandwich.] / Take any lettuce, tuna, or fresh tomato you have and throw it away. Now is not the time for reasonable sandwiches, and we need to honor that.
/ Grease Pan, turn on heat to medium.
/ Unwrap 3 cheese-falvored chemical sheets from their... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/02/how-to-make-a-grilled-cheese-sandwich/ |
| Colinmetrics | [Colin's reveals some of the lists he makes comparing himself to certain celebrities.] / Hemingway
/ Wrote the "Sun Also Rises" at age 27.
/ Wrote like 30 other books over the course of his life, many of which are awesome.
/ Heroic Medic in WW I.
/ Had five wives.
/ Mother purportedly dressed him as a girl... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/03/colinmetrics/ |
| The Quad | [Avery is surprised and upset by a storefront clothing ad she see while on a walk.] / I've been thinking that maybe I'm too judgemental, you know? I feel like if I could see past a few flaws, I'd see that most people have a lot of greatness in them / The Quad. For when two or three collars isn't enough.... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/05/the-quad/ |
| Avery's Sketchbook | [Avery comes up with a depressing idea for a children's cartoon about a sad, withered tree] / Children's cartoon idea #77: "The Depression Tree"
/ make forest have lots of litter in it
/ add a mean deer that is always picking on the tree / Sigh, summer again. When the cracking pain of winter departs,... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/06/averys-sketchbook/ |
| Night vs. Day | [Colin has big plans for life at night, but the daytime is a different story] / Man, tomorrow's going to be so great. I'm going to start my book, finish up some songs for the band, clean up the kitchen. Fresh start tomorrow, fresh start ... / Elrggg ... 10:45? I guess I better wake up. It's going to... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/09/night-vs-day/ |
| An Eternal Struggle | [Colin wanders through a comic book store, wondering what to buy with only four dollars] / Man, I've only got like four bucks on me, that's barely enough for one comic ... / I have no idea what to buy. / "Spider-Man" will probably get me super-pissed about the terrible, rehashed plot and bland writing.... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/10/an-eternal-struggle/ |
| The Junors' Department | [An illustration of one of Colin's biggest fears, which is ending up working in retail at a place like Target.] / One of my many fears is that somehow I'm going to end up working at a bargain department store selling ugly girls blouses.
/ Do you think this has too many buttons? I've never liked buttons.... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/12/the-juniors-department/ |
| Fan-tastic | [Colin is on a date with a girl. She reads him some of her fiction she's been working on.] / So you're a writer too? That's so great! I actually have some of my stuff with me, if you want to hear some. It's from a fanfic I'm working on. / Harry closed the door quietly. Ron was trembling slightly, but... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/15/fan-tastic/ |
| Colin: A Proper Introduction | [Colin talks a little bit about where he currently lives.] / I've been living on the cusp of the New Jersey Pine Barrens for most of my life. It's an interesting and unique place to live. / Two miles in one direction, and I'm having the typical suburban experience.
/ Welcome to Starbucks, where my... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/17/colin-a-proper-introduction/ |
| Hey Mike Myers | [Colin has a one-sided conversation with comedian Mike Myers] / Hey Mike Myers, so uh, that kind of sucks that The Love Guru is doing so badly. You can't be surprised though, right? / I mean, it's basically like Austin Powers 4. You spend 90 minutes talking in a lame accent, occasionally making midget... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/18/hey-mike-myers/ |
| Job Interview | [Colin is at a job interview. It does not go all that well.] / Mr. Thompson, I'm afraid I found your writing samples to be quite unsatisfactory. / In fact, they were actually just a bag full of dead spiders. / And what's worse is that many of these spiders are fakes. They're just balls of lint with... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/20/job-interview/ |
| Point/Counterpoint | [In which two people present different opinions on a Captain Planet movie.] / A Captain Planet Movie? You mean based off that corny cartoon from when we were kids? I dunno, sounds lame. / Oh man, that would be so rad! Ma-ti could kill a guy with a mind-controled shark or something, and I bet wheeler... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/21/pointcounterpoint/ |
| The Arguement | [Avery retells to Colin an arguement she had at work, about a re-launch of the Snorks cartoon she's working on.] / So I got in an arguement at work the other day. We're working on a re-launch of "the Snorks," and one of the writers and I started arguing, and I dunno, things just got out of hand.
/ What... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/27/the-argument/ |
| History's Mysteries | [Colin is reviewing a freelance article he's recently finished for a historical publication.] / I can't believe how well this article turned out. I mean, sure, I would have liked to do more research, but overall, I'm really pleased ... / Ben Franklin: America's Best President
/ By Colin Thompson
/ During... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/05/28/historys-mysteries/ |
| A Shore Thing | [Colin and Avery are hanging out on the boardwalk, and become annoyed with a passing child.] / Hey Avery, is it normal to want to kick a child pretty much as hard as you can? / It is when the Mom's eyes are too far apart like that.
/ Man, I bet that kid would fly like a nerf football. / Lead Paint... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/06/15/a-shore-thing/ |
| Unemployment | [Colin explains a few perks of being unemployed.} / People complain about unemployment, but they?re just not looking at the up-sides.
/ It?s 3pm already? Well, at least I didn?t sleep through Ellen again. / After all, there?s free government money ...
/ Oh unemployment checks, when will I not use you... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/06/21/unemployment/ |
| Career Day | [A young Avery takes a career aptitude test, resulting in fantasies of muppets and bear hunting.] / Career Day with Kid Avery
/ I break shit! / Career Aptitude Test
/ Bear Hunter 91%
/ Animator 87%
/ Gambler 65%
/ Hockey Ref / Bear Hunter? Awesome! / These tracks are fresh. We need to move quickly. / Lead... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/06/28/career-day/ |
| Career Day II | [A young Colin takes a career aptitude test that results in fantasies of snails and murder in cold blood.] / Career Day with Kid Colin!
/ Sometimes I can't stop sweating ... / Snail Whisperer? / Through the hoop Mr. Trails, you can do it! / Give it up Thompson, next quarter the zoo is going to fire... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/07/05/career-day-ii/ |
| Mixed Nuts | [Colin is sitting at home, watching the View. He is eating mixed nuts, and notices that Joy Beyhar also loves mixed nuts. This upsets him thoroughly.] / Man, I love mixed nuts! / And now back to the View! / Ooh, I just love mixed nuts! / "Alternate Title: Joy Bayhar munches sloppily on nuts." / Lead... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/07/12/mixed-nuts/ |
| Crab Season | [Colin is writing a script about the TV shows "Real Housewives" series and "Deadliest Catch" being combined.] / The Real Housewives meets Deadliest Catch / I?m telling you, it?s the perfect mix of perverse sexual objectivity, escapism and death.
/ ? And I?m telling you, every time you bring up the Real... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/07/19/crab-season/ |
| On Any Given Night | [Avery has a nightmare involving batteries, an army of Tom Pettys, and Cookie Monster in chains] / We're all out of batteries! / Also, you forgot your homework! / You can't outrun 1,000 Tom Pettys, Avery! / Still beats the two-headed Sinatra nightmare. So much more nudity in that one ... / Lead... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/07/26/on-any-given-night/ |
| Pilgrims Beware | [Kid Avery has drawn a rather violent picture of a handturkey attacking a city during class. Her teacher is displeased, and adds the turkey drawing to a list of other things Avery does that she is not pleased about.] / Noooo! Oh God! / ? Bew bew bew! Ah, watch out for the turkey laser! Bew, bew ?? / There?s... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/08/02/pilgrims-beware/ |
| Everyone Fights, No One Quits | [The dropship scene of Starship Troopers presented with Carebears instead of humans as the space marines.] / C'mon on you apes, you want to live forever?!? / Lead Paint Comics. Carebears. Care Bears. Bear. Tenderheart. Sunny Bear. Care Bear Stare. Aliens. Bugs. Starship Troopers. Space. Spaceships.... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/08/09/everyone-fights-no-one-quits/ |
| "Aim for the Nerve Stem" | [More of the Carebears as Starship Troopers. We see them kicking a dead bug. It turns out that Colin is telling the story to a bunch of kindergarteners.] / Ain't so much to look at after you scrap 'em off your paw. / And then this enormous beetle burst out of the ground, but Tenderheart was able to... http://leadpaintcomics.com/2009/08/16/aim-for-the-nerve-stem/ |