You're browsing the archives of Housepets!.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/08/27/its-a-dog-thing">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/08/27/its-a-dog-thing | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Housepets! - It%u2019s A Pet Friendly Neighborhood | [[Grape walks past a window looking out on the street.]]
/ Grape: Ugh, something interesting needs to happen around here and fast ... / [[Grape has walked off-panel, the window shows a few pets running along the street.]] / [[The window shows a lot more pets running along the street.]] / [[Grape comes back to look out the window, even more pets are running along the street.]]
/ Grape: O ... kay, thank you, universe, but that was a rhetorical statement. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/08/29/its-a-pet-friendly-neighborhood/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/01/a-breed-apart">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/01/a-breed-apart | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Housepets! - Our Sacred Duty | [[Ryan is driving the car, while Fido is talking from the back seat, off-panel.]]
/ Ryan: This is our exit. Are you excited to be back home?
/ Fido: I could use the rest. Hunting squeaky toys and attacking people with thick clothing is tiring work. / Ryan: I bet your brothers will be happy to see you.
/ Fido: Joey, yes.
/ Fido: Bino ... / Ryan: Bino is the one Jake owns, right? Is there a problem between you and him?
/ Fido: Not per se ... / [[Flashback to the earlier academy days. Bino is chewing on his K-9 Unit uniform, while someone is shouting from off-panel.]]
/ Fido in top box: But he WAS kicked out of the academy for being undisciplined.
/ Someone: BINO! STOP CHEWING ON YOUR UNIFORM
/ Bino: But it smells like mailman! http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/03/our-sacred-duty/ |
| Housepets! - The Universal Constant | [[Ryan is driving the car while Fido is talking from the back seat, off-panel.]]
/ Fido: ... and then there was his 'rampant zoning' issue ...
/ Ryan: I get the picture. I'm just wondering why Jake never brought it up. / Fido: Relentless shame?
/ Ryan: I don't know, he was more than willing to talk about how Bino cries during movies. / [[Scene shifts over to Bino sitting on the couch, watching a movie with tears in his eyes. He is eating popcorn, and a box of tissues, reading "TISH, YOU!" stands next to the couch.]]
/ Bino: NO, CHARLIE! DON'T DO IT! / [[Back in the car.]]
/ Fido: Uh, Dad, every dog in the world cries at All Dogs Go To Heaven.
/ Ryan: I figured as much, but I didn't want to say anything pre-emptively. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/05/the-universal-constant/ |
| Housepets! - She%u2019s Not The Best One To Ask | [[Sasha is decorating the place, approaching Bino. A table with dog bowls and dog food can be seen in the background.]]
/ Sasha: Hey Bino, could you help us out here? I think we don't have enough paper ribbons up yet.
/ Bino: Uh, hello? Weren't we doing a thing? That's important? / Sasha: This is important! This is Fido we're talking about.
/ Bino: What about me, huh? I've been trying to get our act together for weeks now and everyone blows me off at the mere mention of my brother returning! It's like I'm not even here! / [[Sasha hugs Bino.]]
/ Sasha: Aww, don't be silly, Bino, nobody thinks you're worthless.
/ Bino: Thanks, I'm glad SOMEBODY still appreciates-- / [[Sasha holds up a sign that - corrected multiple times - reads: I WANT YOUR P(O)UPPI(E/U)ES". Bino gets angry.]]
/ Sasha: You know your brother better than anyone! Do you think he'd go for--
/ Bino: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/08/shes-not-the-best-one-to-ask/ |
| Housepets! - An Understandable Mistake To Make | [[Sasha and Bino are still at the prepared party. Bino turns around to leave.]]
/ Sasha: Bino, what are you doing? These dogs and that one cat are all here to see your brother.
/ Sasha: Don't ruin this for them.
/ Bino: Sorry Sasha, someone has to put them in their place.
/ Bino: Me. I have to put them in their place. / [[Sasha offers Bino a drink.]]
/ Sasha: Oh, Bino ...
/ Sasha: At least drink something before you start off on another angry rant.
/ Bino: Well, thank you Sasha, that's very sweet of you. / [[Bino spits the drink to the floor.]]
/ < http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/10/an-understandable-mistake-to-make/ |
| Housepets! - Mmm Foot Flavored Speech | [[Bino stands up before the crowd in the spotlight, pointing at the dogs.]]
/ Bino: Everyone listen up! That means you! And you!
/ Bino: Grape, what are you even doing here?
/ Grape (off): I like the taste of dog biscuits, so sue me. / Bino: I seriously can't believe you guys can get this worked up over Fido!
/ Bino: Besides co-found the club, push pet rights, fight ferals, win the last three annual pet park games, warded off nearly a dozen burglars, and taught several of your pups to read and write, WHAT'S HE EVER DONE FOR YOU? / Bino: What is the point of this anyway, throwing a coming home party? You guys sit up and beg for EVERY dog that returns from the academy! This is just a blatant political maneuver! He's EXPECTING this welcome! / [[Fido appears next to his brother, carrying something over his shoulder. Bino puts his face into his paw.]]
/ Fido: Woah now, you guys having a party in the middle of the street? What's the occasion? http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/12/mmm-foot-flavored-speech/ |
| Housepets! - Shut Up We%u2019re Trying To Praise You | [[All the dogs run forward, trying to touch or hug Fido, who is trying to keep his distance. In the background, Sasha's sign can be seen.]]
/ Sasha: Fido, look at my sign!
/ Fido: Woah, okay, let's not get too excited guys, I -- ACK!
/ Dog 1: It's Fido!
/ Dog 2: I love you Fido!
/ Dog 3: Who did your headfur Fido? / [[Daisy looks at Fido, who is carried away on the shoulders of the party mob.]]
/ Daisy: HI I'M DAISY
/ Fido: Hi Daisy.
/ Fido: Sorry, It appears I'm being dragged away by a fan mob, raincheck? / [[The mob cheers and yells.]]
/ Fido: Guys, seriously, I don't even need this kind o--
/ Dog 1: **Hey everyone, three cheers for Fido!
/ Mob: **HIP HIP HOORAY!**
/ Mob: **HIP HIP HOORAY!** / [[The crowd still cheers.]]
/ Fido: **Guys would you stop--**
/ Mob: **FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW, FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW ...**
/ Mob: **HIP HIP HOORAY!** http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/15/shut-up-were-trying-to-praise-you/ |
| Housepets! - The Nerve Of Him | [[Fido silences the crowd with a big gesture.]]
/ Fido: **GUYS SERIOUSLY!** / [[Fido rubs his eye with one paw, looking as if he's having a headache. The crowd is staring at him.]]
/ Fido: Are you all **nuts**? What did I do to deserve something like this? I joined the academy cause helping people is what dogs are **supposed** to do.
/ Fido: I shouldn't be praised for following my **nature**. / [[Fido leaves, the crowd looks after him.]]
/ Fido: I don't ... I don't mean to snap.
/ Fido: You guys are great, but it's been a long day and I just want to go to bed.
/ Fido: You guys have fun, just, not on my account, please. / [[Grape is munching on a dog biscuit while watching Bino fuming with jealousy.]]
/ Bino: Look at him! Sucking up all the glory!
/ Bino: Like some kind of glory-sponge!
/ Bino: **A glorified glory-sponge!**
/ Grape: Err ... http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/17/the-nerve-of-him/ |
| Housepets! - Grape Solves Another Problem With Violence | [[Grape watches Bino talking himself into a frenzy, while she still munches dog biscuits.]]
/ Bino: Don't you see? He's trying to win you over by playing up the humility angle!
/ Bino: **Don't buy it!** It's just another trick of his, oh yes, he's planned this from the start. / [[Grape reaches for something of-panel while finishing her biscuit. Bino's gaze starts glazing over.]]
/ Bino: You'll see, you'll **all** see!
/ Bino: You all think I'm crazy! Well, I'm not crazy, **I'm the only sane one here!** / [[Grape hits Bino over the head with a frying pan, still chewing dog biscuits. Bino sees stars in his eyes.]]
/ < http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/19/grape-solves-another-problem-with-violence/ |
| Housepets! - The Lampshades Were Party Favors | [[Peanut is lying on the couch at home, reading a book. Grape enters, wearing a lampshade on her head.]]
/ Grape: Hey Peanut, you missed a great party.
/ Peanut: Who cares? Stupid dumb Good Ol' Dogs' Club doesn't let me in anymore.
/ Peanut: They're stupid **and** dumb.
/ Peanut: And fat. / [[Peanut looks up from his book.]]
/ Grape: Oh, I'm sure they'd have invited you, the party was for Fido.
/ Peanut: **Fido's back?** / [[Peanut gets teary eyes while listening to Grape.]]
/ Grape: Oh yeah but he couldn't stay so you missed him.
/ Grape: Then I got to hit Bino over the head with a frying pan.
/ Grape: Apparently they pass it around and lick old bacon grease off it.
/ Peanut: I ... I missed all of that? ... / [[Grape resigns and walks out, Peanut cheers.]]
/ Grape: Fox and Rex had to drag him--**Okay, fine I'll take you to see!**
/ Peanut: Yay!
/ Grape: Turn off the puppy eyes, sheesh! http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/22/the-lampshades-were-party-favors/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/24/bino-stars-as-colonel-klink">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/24/bino-stars-as-colonel-klink | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/26/goodnight-everybody">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/26/goodnight-everybody | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/29/the-draft-title-was-eat-cheese-and-die">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/09/29/the-draft-title-was-eat-cheese-and-die | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Housepets! - Behold, The Power Of Che | {{Title: Behold, The Power of Che}} / [[Panicked Peanut yells, with both hands up for amplification, at Grape who is off screen on top of the fridge. Her hand comes down in a surprised motion.]]
/ Peanut: GRAAAAAAPE! WAKE UP!
/ Grape: WHAT THE CHRISTMAS
/ I AM SLEEPING YOU LUG
/ Well not anymore but you know. / [[Peanut points behind him off screen and looks up pleadingly at Grape. She holds a palm out from off screen]]
/ Peanut: There are mice in the house and they're really scary.
/ Grape: A contradiction in terms if I ever heard one. What are they doing, tearing up drywall? Raiding the pantry? / [[Peanut looks nervously off screen behind him and puts his pointer fingers together in front of his chest. Grape holds up a finger.]]
/ Peanut: Not quite...
/ Grape: Do you smell something? / [[Karl-Lenin Faust is at the center of a mob of angry mice. An effigy of a cat has been hung, and is on fire in the background. Faust yells into his megaphone.]]
/ Faust & Co: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/01/behold-the-power-of-che/ |
| Housepets! - Stop The Revolution I Want To Get Off | {{Title: Stop The Revolution I Want To Get Off}} / [[Grape (looking annoyed) is surrounded by the crowd of mice. Karl-Lenin Faust still brandishes his megaphone.]]
/ Faust: Attention, Capitalist Cat!
/ Grape: I'll have you know that my political views lean towards communal anarchy.
/ Faust: Silence! / [[Close up of impassioned Faust surrounded by supporters.]]
/ Faust: We of the Free Mouses' Republic are hereby reclaiming this house for the feral mice who forage night and day and due to the oppressive bourgeois thumb: we never attain such a cushioned lifestyle as your own. We only come to claim what is our right: peace, land, and cheese!
/ Anon Y Mouse: I really prefer peanut butter.
/ Mousekowitz: I thought it was Mice's Republic? / [[Back to a more annoyed Grape. Faust holds a jingle bell up.]]
/ Grape: What am I supposed to do, then?
/ Faust: After we dispose of the humans, you will wear this jingle bell on your collar as to warn of your approach! / [[Grape with finger flat under her nose, thinking (more annoyed). Faust with his megaphone.]]
/ Grape: I have a counter-proposal.
/ Faust: The Mouses' Republic will not compromise! / [[Grape stomps on Faust with a concentrated face, tongue up. Crowd in panic.]]
/ << WHACK! >>
/ Mice: AAAAAAAAHH! / [[All mice are gone. Grape tilts head back with mouth open and tosses X-eyed Faust into the air.]] / [[Grape has mouth and eyes closed.]]
/ << GULP >> / [[Grape walks away bored-looking.]]
/ Grape: It's a shame, we might have real social progress one day if it weren't for that pesky food chain. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/03/stop-the-revolution-i-want-to-get-off/ |
| Housepets! - Ode On A Catnap | [[Grape is lying in her cat bed. Peanut is standing next to the bed, reciting a poem.]]
/ Peanut: Behold now the housecat, the fearsome-elect! She's not quite a tiger as one would expect. / [[Peanut points his open paws at the sleeping Grape.]]
/ Peanut: Yet while they sleep, and they dream of their fishes, tis fun to 'cite poems pond'ring on o'er their wishes! / [[Peanut covers his eyes with his arm dramatically.]]
/ Peanut: Their wake time's a hobby, their sleep like a job, all this I learned reading Calvin and Hobbes. / [[Peanut looks as if he wants to jump on Grape the next moment, his tongue sticking out.]]
/ Peanut: Alas we must end with (just 'cause it's so funny) my imminent mauling when I burp her tummy. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/06/ode-on-a-kitty-tummy/ |
| Housepets! - Philosophical Quandaries Must Wait | [[Peanut is pulling a Radio Flyer wagon with Grape sitting inside along into the forest. The town can be seen on the background.]]
/ Peanut: We really need some steeper hills around here. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/08/philosophical-quandaries-must-wait/ |
| Housepets! - Scientific Progress Goes Zonk | [[Grape watches Peanut, who sits under a cardboard box.]]
/ Grape: What did you have in mind for today?
/ Peanut: Science project! This right here is a teleporter.
/ Peanut: It doesn't have a box for the 'out' side yet but I thought I'd get the testing under way. / [[Peanut puts the box completely over himself with Grape watching. The box has a button drawn on it and reads "TELEPORTER".]]
/ Grape: So what am I supposed to do?
/ Peanut: Push the button! / [[Grape pushes the "button" with her finger.]]
/ Peanut (from inside the box): **ZONK!** / [[Grape scratches her head.]]
/ Grape: ... What was that?
/ Peanut: Sorry, I didn't consider sound effects until just then.
/ Peanut: See this is what testing is for. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/10/scientific-progress-goes-zonk/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/13/have-leash-will-travel">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/13/have-leash-will-travel | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Housepets! - You Mean She %u201COtter%u201D Be | [[Peanut is looking over the wall to the otter pen. Tarmac and Gambit are inside, Tarmac bathing and Gambit sitting on a log.]]
/ Peanut: Hey Tarmac, Gambit!
/ Tarmac and Gambit: Hey Peanut! / Peanut: How are my favorite river otters?
/ Tarmac: Couldn't be better! In fact, they just brought in a female last week. / [[A female otter comes in, shaking her fist angrily, looking sleepy. Everyone stares at her.]]
/ Female Otter: < http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/17/you-mean-she-otter-be/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/20/kangaroos-loose-in-the-top-paddock">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/20/kangaroos-loose-in-the-top-paddock | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Housepets! - In Touch With The Ground | [[Grape and Peanut at the wolf pen. Sleeping wolves in the foreground. Peanut cheers.]]
/ Grape: And we're at the wolf pen.
/ Peanut: Yaaaaaay!
/ Wolf: **Argh keep it down**. We've been entertaining all mornning. / [[Nothing happens.]] / [[Nothing happens.]] / Peanut: I can wait.
/ Grape: It's like my life, but from the outside.
/ [[The wolf puts a paw over their head, annoyed.]]
/ <<*GRUMBLE*>> http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/22/in-touch-with-the-ground/ |
| Housepets! - Related To Killer Whales | [[Peanut and Grape at the dolphin tank.]]
/ Peanut: Hey Grape, i the dolphins are underwater, how come I can hear them?
/ Grape: That's because dolphins communicate through telepathy.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish. / [[Grape turns to leave.]]
/ Peanut: Wow!
/ Grape: Yeah, amazing except that doesn't translate to intelligence.
/ Grape: Come on, let's go somewhere else.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish. / [[Peanut and Grape left, only the dolphins are visible.]]
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Usurp the human leaders.
/ Dolphin: Fish. / [[Peanut looks back into the scene, a surprised expression on his face.]]
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish.
/ Dolphin: Fish. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/24/related-to-killer-whales/ |
| Housepets! - Thus Grape Zarathustra | [[Peanut and Grape are walking along, Peanut reading his zoo map. A sign reading "PRIMATES" is in the background.]]
/ Peanut: Say, did you want to go to the ape house?
/ Grape: Absolutely not! It's the worst-smelling place imaginable, **and** they're always doing the same thing. / [[Picture of a couple of apes bowing before a huge, black monolith.]] / Grape: I don't even **get** that part of the movie! Like we're supposed to believe that apes and humans share a common ancestor; what do they even have in **common**? / Peanut: The ... The ears, maybe?
/ Grape: They can't fool me, humans don't have thumbs on their feet.
/ Grape: ... I think. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/27/thus-grape-zarathustra/ |
| Housepets! - Gourmet Buffet | [[Grape is standing in front of the aviary, arguing with a zookeeper. She points to a sign that reads: "AVIARY - NO EATING - $2500 FINE - PER INCIDENT PLUS RESTITUTION"]]
/ Grape: I can **read** the sign; why can't I go in?
/ Zookeeper: Administration ordered it, Miss--the birds were threatening to unionize. http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/29/gourmet-buffet/ |
| Housepets! - Because He%u2019s Allergic You See | [[Halloween, Tiger, Marvin, Grape, Sasha and Peanut are standing in costumes on the street, looking into their treat bags.]]
/ Marvin as pirate: I got a marble!
/ Grape as devil: I got a piece of flint!
/ Sasha as withc: I got a bone!
/ Peanut with a blanket with holes draped over him: I got a chocolate ... http://housepetscomic.com/2008/10/31/because-hes-allergic-you-see/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://housepetscomic.com/2008/11/03/wait-where-did-he-get-a-computer">http://housepetscomic.com/2008/11/03/wait-where-did-he-get-a-computer | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Housepets! - Do Not Taunt The Animals | Grape: Ooh, the reptile house.
/ Peanut: Only marginally above the insects in level of interest. / [[Peanut walks past a reptile display with a small snake in it. Peanut looks over his shoulder at the snake.]]
/ Snake: Hey! I heard that, bub!
/ Peanut: Well what are you going to do? You're tiny and stuck behind glass and don't even have any thumbs! / [[The snake looks threateningly out to Peanut. Peanut has his index finger against the glass, staring back.]]
/ Snake: You underestimate my cunning.
/ Peanut: I underestimate your **face**, if you're so smart, prove it! / [[Peanut is stuck in the snake display behind the glass, calling out to Grape.]]
/ Top box: Thirty seconds later
/ Peanut: **Grape! Help!**
/ Grape: Am I going to have to do this every time we come here? http://housepetscomic.com/2008/11/05/do-not-taunt-the-animals/ |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 >>