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Triangle and Robert #271 I'm reporting live from outside the Tater Fizz bottling plant. Witnesses claim to have seen a / giant screaming pill entering the plant two days ago. Since then, no one has entered or left the bottling plant. It appears that the local supply of / the popular potato-flavored soft drink has been cut off. / Triangle! We've got a situation!
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Triangle and Robert #272 Tater Fizz is the most vile beverage ever conceived. As far as I'm concerned Prozac's doing the city a favor. / But what about the children? / Huh? / All the children, being deprived of their murky white carbonated potato... juice... cocktail.... You're right. No one in their right mind drinks Tater Fizz.
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Triangle and Robert #273 If they're not in Austria then where are they? / Shh. I'm listening to this. / It's day four of the Tater Fizz crisis and there has as yet been no communication of any kind from inside the plant. Police believe there may be a hostage situation in progress but don't feel like doing anything about it. / In other news, the government is denying both the disappearance of the RDCLBA and the fact that said agency ever existed to begin with. And now, weather. / What was your question again?
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Triangle and Robert #274 I represent a group of several very stupid rich people with no sense of taste. / Howdy. / For some unfathomable reason, my clients actually want the Tater Fizz supply restored, and you're the polygons for the job. / What are they offering? / An extremely large crate of various sparkly things. / I'll have to talk it over with my partner, but it sounds like you've got yourselves a deal.
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Triangle and Robert #275 A new development in the Tater Fizz situation: local wacky scheme consultants Triangle and Robert have just been seen entering the bottling plant carrying an oversized copy of the Emancipation Proclamation. / Hey! Turn off the radio for a second! I need to know where the teleporter sent everyone! / Shh! Listening! News! / Huh? Did my radio just turn into some kind of spider? / That's an explosion. Now talk.
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Triangle and Robert #276 Having been repulsed by the language barrier, they would naturally emerge from teleportation at the least Austrian point on the planet. / You mean... / No. I don't. / You sure? I really want to go to... / Well, that's not where they are. / Pity.
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Triangle and Robert #277 Okay, then where is the least Austrian point on the planet? / Will you replace my radio if I tell you? / Of course. / Okay. You'll find them at the core of the planet. / Which core? Your planet is shaped funny, you know. / The 4D hypertaco was your idea, not ours. Anyway, they're in the molten pudding core.
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Triangle and Robert #278 Do you mean to tell me half my cast has been immersed in molten pudding for a week? / At this point, "dissolved" would be more accurate. / So... they're dead? / Except for Orpuddex, yes. / Well. That makes things easier. It's a lot less work to bring characters back from the dead than to find them when they're lost. / Now give me my radio back.
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Triangle and Robert #279 Oh no! The Emancipation Proclamation is on fire! / Let's get out of here! / Triangle and Robert are now coming out of the bottling plant.... They're running.... They seem to be carrying something. It's on fire.... I think it's the oversided copy of the Emancipation Proclamation! It appears that the wacky scheme consultants have met their match. / Not necessarily. You can tell your listeners that we'll be going back in there, and this time we'll bring enough cotton swabs.
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Triangle and Robert #280 Okay, strategy time. What exactly went wrong? / There weren't enough cotton swabs. / Yes, but we shouldn't have needed the cotton swabs in the first place. What started the flooding? / The Emancipation Proclamation was too big? / Exactly. / This time, we use the Magna Carta. / And we fireproof it. / Bingo.
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Triangle and Robert #281 It's day eight of the Tater Fizz crisis. So far, Triangle and Robert have made six attempts to penetrate the bottling plant's fortress-like defenses. Each attempt has ended with a lot of screaming and something being set on fire. / It appears that they are preparing for a seventh attempt. This time, rather than carrying an oversized copy of a historical document, they'll be using live squid. Hopefully this change of plan will lead to success. / WHY? WHY does a bottling plant for a soda no one sane drinks have automated defenses that make Area 51 look like a miniature golf course? / Maybe they like miniatrue golf?
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Triangle and Robert #282 I don't know what plasma cannons were doing in a bottling plant but we took them out. Now to find out what's going on. / Hi! I'm Prozac the Bear! Leave now, before the potatoes wake up! You just might get out alive! / What's that thing on you? / AAAAH! AAAAH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! I'm Prozac the Bear! / Right...
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Triangle and Robert #283 What's gotten into that pill? / I... I think it's the author's irrational fear of potatoes. / The yams are in it too, you hear me? Yes! I said the yams! It's a conspiracy reaching up to the highest levels of... uh... thingy! I'm Prozac the Bear! / Fetch me a packet of crisps. I'm gonna try an exorcism. / No! The shock would kill him!
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Triangle and Robert #284 It's our only chance! The lasers will be back online any minute now! / Exorcise him sure, but we're not using potato products to do it! / Then what? / You still have a couple squid left? / Oh! Of course! Exorcise irrational fear of potatoes witha pair of squid! / See what I'm getting at? / No! Not in the slightest! / Just hand me the cephalopods and hide behind something.
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Triangle and Robert #285 Squids! Ink! We're in a comic strip! Think about it! / How about I not think about it and you just go ahead and do it? / By the squid I command you! Leave this body! LEAVE this body! / OW! STOP IT! / I'm Prozac the Bear! / Hooray! How about a great big hug? / The exorcism's not over just yet. / Your mother was a degenerate conic section!
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Triangle and Robert #286 You don't get it! I'm not the bad guy! It's the potatoes! I'm the only one who knows! I'm trying to stop them! / You're BLIND! You don't see what I can see! The potatoes! They're... they're what you should be after, not me! / They won't spare you if you stop me! Don't expect potatoes to be merciful! They're not LIKE the carrots! They'll get you!
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Triangle and Robert #287 Hey Robert, I found the bottling plant workers! / What happened here? / That crazy pill charged in here and started locking us up. Said it was to protect us from the potatoes. What's going on? What happened with the potatoes? / Nothing happened with the potatoes. The only dangerous thing here is that Prozac. / Triangle! I drove the irrational fear of potatoes from Prozac the Bear's body! Help me finish the exorcism before the thing finds a new host! / You guys hodl tight and try to pretend this makes sense.
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Triangle and Robert #288 LISTEN! I'm not the villain here! Potatoes infect your mind with their radiation! / They're not even really vegetables! They're biological incubators for a hostile alien race! It's all in the thesaurus, I'm not making it up! / The thesaurus? / Don't look at me like that! I didn't put it there!
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Triangle and Robert #289 I sense the fear in you, equilateral one. It is strong. Together we can crush the potatoes and rule the galaxy as, uh... / and rule the galaxy as psychological phenomenon and polygon! Join me! / No. / "No"? Not "I'll never join you"? Just "no"? / As great a threat as you are, unnecessary pop-cultural references are a greater one still.
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Triangle and Robert #290 Return to the brain chemical imbalance from whence you were spawned! / Whence? / By these squid we command you! / Why "whence"? No one says "whence." / Begone! / Begone!
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Triangle and Robert #291 It is over. You are banished from this world. / Am not! / No! Triangle! / Triangle doesn't live here anymore. I'm calling the shots now.
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Triangle and Robert #292 I'm... here again? I died? / NO. YOU WERE DRIVEN FROM YOUR MORTAL BODY BY THE FEAR-DEMON. WHEN IT IS DEFEATED YOU WILL RETURN. / IN THE MEANTIME I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING OF YOUR DESTINY. / Oh great, this again.
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Triangle and Robert #293 DO NOT WORRY. THE RHOMBUS WILL SUCCEED IN HIS TASK. / EVEN NOW, HE PURSUES YOUR POSSESSED BODY ACROSS THE WORLD. / And I'm guessing the reason you're narrating this to me is that the cartoonist can't draw it? / YOU ARE WISE IN THE WAYS OF THIS UNIVERSE
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Triangle and Robert #294 AND NOW FOR THE MATTER OF YOUR DESTINY. / Ah yes. What sort of zany celestial incompetence will keep me from finding out this time? / IN THE REALMS ABOVE, THE SAME MISTAKE IS NOT MADE THRICE. / I'll believe that when I hear my destiny. / LOOK, IF YOU KEEP INSULTING ME I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET AROUND TO TELLING YOU.
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Triangle and Robert #295 THIS UNIVERSE DID INDEED BEGIN AS PUDDING, AND THE PUDDING-WATCHER WAS INDEED CREATED TO SHEPHERD IT. / THEN THINGS VARY A BIT DEPENDING UPON WHOM YOU ASK. THE TRUE STORY LIES SOMEWHERE BETWEEN. / ORPUDDEX IS OLD, VERY OLD. HE REMEMBERS NOT ONLY WHAT WAS, BUT ALSO WHAT HE WISHED BUT WAS NOT. THOUGH HE IS TO BE FEARED, HE IS ALSO DESERVING OF YOUR PITY.
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Triangle and Robert #296 DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN CREATION? / Uh... I don't know. Assume I don't. / BY ONE WAY OF VIEWING TIME, YOU WERE CREATED AT THE SAME TIME AS THIS UNIVERSE. BY ANOTHER, YOU PREDATE IT. / Huh? / TIME CAN BE VIEWED SUCH THAT YOU ARE ETERNAL, NEVER IN NEED OF HAVING BEEN CREATED. AND IN YET ANOTHER VIEW YOU HAVE YET TO BE BORN. / You're just trying to confuse me now.
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Triangle and Robert #297 Look, enough of the meaningless quasi-philosophical babble. Tell me my destiny already, before Robert catches up with my body. / YOU THINK IT MEANINGLESS? THEN YOU ARE NOT YET READY. / So that's your excuse this time? / UNLESS I CAN COME UP WITH A BETTER ONE, YES. / I knew it! You're not even trying!
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Triangle and Robert #298 On the slopes of Mount Scary, Robert catches up with his quarry. / Is this going to be a pun about a rock pile? / No, I mean "quarry" in the sense of the object of your pursuit. / You better. / And now it's the third panel and we have nothing to show for it. / Hooray for pacing.
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Triangle and Robert #299 And now... IT ENDS! / And then there's a nifty special-effects-laden exorcism scene I can't draw, and then... / Whoa! Deja vu! / I'm not so sure "deja vu" is the right term for it.
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Triangle and Robert #300 This seems like a good moment to pause the action and recap exactly what's going on. / Oh good. I was trying to figure it out and I wasn't getting anywhere. / I was hoping you would recap it for me.... / Well, don't look at me. I'm making it up as I go along. / So no chance of a recap.
http://tr.froup.com/tr.pl?300
 

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