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| Popping the Question | [Stadium]
/ GREG: "Katie!"
/ KATIE: "What now?"
/ GREG "Look at the sign!" / [Sign with hearts]: Katie... / KATIE: "I told you never to do it this way!"
/ GREG: "On the contrary..." / [Sign with broken hearts]: "I think we should see other people."
/ GREG: "You told me never to PROPOSE this way!" / ALT... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=0 |
| Thrift | NEAL: "Walking to my car after working late..." / NEAL: "...I notice a tube of lip balm smashed in the parking lot." / NEAL: "And it makes me feel cheap and dirty..." / NEAL: "...But I wonder if any of it might be salvageable." / ALT TEXT: "It wasn't." http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=1 |
| Missed Call | PHONE: "You have one new voice message."
/ PHONE: "Hey Greg, it's Dad, returning your call." / PHONE: "Call me back."
/ GREG: "DAMMIT!" / GREG: [waits] / PHONE RINGS
/ GREG: "Finally!"
/ TITLE: "Phone Freeze Tag." / ALT TEXT: As far as phone games go, "Phone Hide and Seek" is more common than people... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=2 |
| Not Funny | GREG: "Are we going to be late?"
/ NEAL: "I dunno. What time is it?" / DOUCHEBAG: "Time for YOU to get a WA-" / DOUCHEBAG: "-atch?"
/ GREG holds knife / GREG cuts DOUCHEBAG's throat / NEAL: "Was that necessary?"
/ GREG: "YES!" / ALT TEXT: "Absolutely necessary" http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=3 |
| Deserving | CARRIE: "Neal, please try to understand. I just... I don't DESERVE you." / NEAL: "Well, duh!"
/ CARRIE: "Excuse me?"
/ NEAL: "Please, Carrie. I'm attractive, smart, articulate, talented, and fairly wealthy." / NEAL: "I'm a catch! NO ONE deserves me! Nobody I've met, at least!" / CARRIE: "...You're an... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=4 |
| Production | KEITH filming, fly buzzes overhead. / Fly buzzes into KEITH's face / KEITH swats fly: "SMACK!" / MOVIE SCREEN: "No Animals Were Harmed in Any Way During the Making of this Film." / ALT TEXT: "If the fly had been union, the film would have been dedicated to his memory." http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=5 |
| L'Espirit de L'Escalator | GREG: "Shit, Neal! How much coffee do you drink every day?"
/ NEAL: "I dunno. How much rainfall does Seattle get in a year?" / GREG and KEITH: "Ha ha ha ha!" / GREG: "Kudos, buddy! That was a pretty quick comeback!"
/ NEAL: "Uh, yeah..." / TITLE: "TWO YEARS EARLIER"
/ CO-WORKER: "Wow, Neal! How much... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=6 |
| Writer's Block | COFFEE SHOP SIGN: Songwriter Night
/ NEAL: "I'm just going to play some older stuff. I've had a pretty bad case of writer's block lately."
/ OLD GUY: "I know how to fix that!" / OLD GUY: "Did you know there's a website where you can get lyrics to a bunch of different songs?!"
/ NEAL: "Just one?" / OLD... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=7 |
| Services | SIGN ON TRUCK: Animal Services
/ JENNY: "Uncle Neal, what is 'Animal Services'?" / NEAL: "They pick up dogs and cats off the street and keep them in cages for a couple of weeks. If no one claims them, they usually kill them." / SIGN ON TRUCK: Child Services
/ JENNY: [tear] / ALT TEXT: "Honesty isn't... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=8 |
| Cloning | DAVE: "Mr. Reynolds, we've done it!" / DAVE: "Using DNA extracted from fossils, we've successfully CLONED a LIVE VELOCIRAPTOR!" / MR. REYNOLDS: "This is GREAT! Ever since I saw JURASSIC PARK, I've wanted to meet one of those EIGHT-FOOT TALL SCALY RAPTORS!" / DAVE: "Uh, yeah... About that..."
/ [Raptor... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=9 |
| Shotgun | GREG: "SHOTGUN!"
/ KEITH: "Uh, Greg? You're driving, remember?" / GREG: "Not anymore, Keith! I just called SHOTGUN!"
/ KEITH: "But you're the designated driver! I'm too drunk! Plus I can't drive a stick!" / GREG: "Well YOU should've thought of THAT... before I called SHOTGUN!" / TITLE: "Call Shotgun.... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=10 |
| Cellar of Dreams Part 1 | NEAL: *GASP* / NEAL: *sigh*... "Somnus, why do you tease me with sleep and then wake me with such horrible dreams?" / SOMNUS: "But Neal..." / SOMNUS: "It's not MY doing at all!" / ALT TEXT: "Enter Sandman..." http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=11 |
| Cellar of Dreams Part 2 | NEAL: "If you're the Sandman, why ISN'T it your fault that I can't sleep?" / SOMNUS: "Because I'm only SOMNUS, the god of SLEEP. My brother MORPHEUS is the god of dreams. Your waking nightmares are HIS doing. Not mine." / NEAL: "Well, with all due respect, I really need some rest. Can't you talk to... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=12 |
| Cellar of Dreams Part 3 | NEAL: "Why does your brother feel compelled to wake me up so often in the night?" / SOMNUS: "You'll have to ask him that one. His job is to keep your mind occupied once I've brought you to the underworld. But sometimes he goes overboard. Sometimes he stimulates your mind to a level that launches you... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=13 |
| Cellar of Dreams Part 4 | NEAL: "So how do I stop him?" / SOMNUS: "Explain to him that there are things you can't experience in your dreams or you will be launched out of them. People you can't see. Events you can't relive. He works in here."
/ NEAL: "The candy store?"
/ SOMNUS: "Yes" / NEAL: "M-Morpheus? I have a request for... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=14 |
| Cellar of Dreams Part 5 | NEAL: "Carrie, what are you DOING here?!"
/ CARRIE: "Carrie? I'm not carrie."
/ CARRIE TURNING INTO MORPHEUS: "I'm Morpheus."
/ MORPHEUS: "And I have something for you, Neal."
/ [Hands note] / NOTE: "Wake up" / [NEAL wakes up] / TITLE: "The story ends where it begins..." ? Dream Theater, "Octavarium" / ALT... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=15 |
| Primary Sources | YEARBOOK: "Class of 2002. Neal Edwards. ACTIVITIES: Band, Choir, Yearbook. GOALS: I plan to attend ('Law' crossed out, replaced by 'Journalism') School and eventually become a ('Supreme Court Justice' crossed out, replaced by 'Web Designer')"
/ LOVE NOTE: "Neal, I love ('you' crossed out, replaced by... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=16 |
| The Best Things in Life | KEITH: "Say, Greg? I'm a little bit worried about Neal."
/ GREG: "Why? Did he find out I used his toothbrush to clean my sister's cat's ears?" / KEITH: "No, he just seems depressed. And he's acting strange. Right now, he's taking a red pen to his entire past." / GREG: "Keith, I've known Neal since we... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=17 |
| Timeline | GREG: "Get up, Neal! It's time to go!"
/ NEAL: "Go where?"
/ GREG: "Anywhere that doesn't involve you sitting in the dark moping!" / GREG: "I respect that you're depressed, dude. But just tell me one thing. Please tell me this isn't about Carrie."
/ NEAL: "Of course it is." / GREG: "Neal, it's been two... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=18 |
| Reality | GREG: "Look, all I'm saying - SHOTGUN! ..."
/ KEITH: "Dammit!"
/ GREG: "... is that it's time to let go of the 'what if?' and live in reality." / NEAL: "Reality?"
/ GREG: "YES! Reality!" / [pause] / NEAL: "Didn't you slit a guy's throat in broad daylight back in January?"
/ GREG: "Yeah, ya know I kinda... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=19 |
| The Man | GREG: "Here, stop by the store I want to pick up some beer."
/ NEAL: "I still don't see why you're making me drive." / GREG: "Ugh, this parking lot is always so full." / GREG: "Why do they treat us like second-class citizens and make us park so far away? Neal, I think you should stick it to the man... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=20 |
| The Best Revenge | KEITH: "Hey, isn't that your old roommate's car?"
/ NEAL: "Yeah..." / KEITH: "Didn't he steal all your DVDs and pawn them for drug money?" / [Car is vandalized, NEAL walking away with baseball bat]
/ KEITH: "Uh, you know they say the BEST revenge is living well..."
/ NEAL: "Trust me, I'm living better... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=21 |
| Cross-Promotion | [KEITH and GREG at store. KEITH picks up bag of "Pedro's Chips."] / BAG: "Try them with Miguel's Salsa!" / [KEITH picks up bottle of "Miguel's Salsa"] / GREG: "Sheep." / [KEITH is sad] http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=22 |
| Chilling | [NEAL opens door to Frozen Food in grocery store] / [NEAL places hand on inside of door] / [Handprint in fog on inside of door] / [NEAL observing handprint] / [SKULL MONSTER has been drawn in the fog, YOUNG CHILD is frightened by the sight] / ALT TEXT: At the end of the day, if you haven't frightened... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=23 |
| Das Es | CASHIER: "Beer, huh? Can I see your 'id'? (Hee hee)" / NEAL: "My id? Heh. No, but you can see my ego and my superego." / CASHIER: "Um... what?"
/ NEAL: "Never mind." / GREG: "Smooth..."
/ NEAL: "Shut up." / ALT TEXT: I've learned over the past few years that things I think are common knowledge are... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=24 |
| Digression | NEAL: "Hi, readers! Remember on Friday when I said I was too busy to draw a new comic? Well that's still going on. So instead, here's a picture of a monster eating a unicorn." / ALT TEXT: The sun is smiling because he hates unicorns. The flowers are smiling because they're the sun's little bitches. http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=25 |
| Password | NEAL (Narrative): Every six months, I have to change my password at work. For the first week, I mistakenly type the old password a lot. Then I start reminding myself of the new one. Eventually, I don't have to remind myself anymore. And the new password becomes as second-nature as the old password was.... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=26 |
| Instinct | He is descended from a line of mighty hunters.
/ His forefathers ran in packs, viciously killing their rivals. / Evolution has equipped him with acute hearing,
/ A keen sense of smell,
/ And a powerful jaw. / Immensely territorial, he will not hesitate to lash out and attack when he feels threatened. / This... http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=27 |
| Pirates 1 | PIRATE: "Shiver me timbers! Foiled again!" / PIRATE: "What has two thumbs and HATES PETER PAN?!" / PIRATE: "THIS GUY!" / PIRATE" "Awwww..." / ALT TEXT: "Yaarrggh..." http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=28 |
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