You're browsing the archives of Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic :: Bob and Gren Razortooth||Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahaha
/ Gren: C'mon you... You're starting to scare me. / <
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: How... how could you? / I left my family... / I left everything / For this. / Bob: I tried to tell you right at the start of all this, Gren. / I'm a beholder. / Beholders are evil creatures. / Gren: Lawful evil. / Beholders are lawful evil. / Bob: Oh. / Crap.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic :: Bob and Gren Razortooth||Bob: So... What happens next? / Gren: I don't know. Maybe I should invoke goblin law 7. / Bob: Which is... / Gren: The law of equal revenge. "Any wrongdoing is owed an equal and opposite reaction." / Bob: Meaning what, exactly? / Gren: Meaning I get a free fling! Free of guilt no questions or complaints from you. / Arachne: I have therefore taken the liberty of composing this short list of potential suitors, interviews begin in two days.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Arachne: So, knowing your particular -bizarre- proclivities, I have composed a list of mostly men... / Gren: Arachne...Maybe this isn't such a good idea. / Gren: I spoke in anger! I don't want to see someone else...maybe...maybe Bob and I should just talk and- / Arachne: There are over 150 harpys in that cave. / [[Gren appears pauses, wide-eyed]] / Gren: Who's first.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Arachne: This is Slurr. He's an ottyugh. / Arachne: They're a scavenger race, known for feeding on cast-offs, offal, and dung. / Arachne: He's offering stability, friendship, and a night of cuddles and fine-dining. / Slurr: Poo? / Gren: Next!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Ken: First of all, I would like to apologize for my cousin, Slurr. / Ken: And before you write off all of our kind as uncouth filth-eaters, allow me to introduce myself. I am Ken. I belong to a sub-class -if you will- of ottyugh... We call ourselves the Neo-Ottyugh. / Ken: Now, while maintaining many of the characteristics that keep us within the same genus as our cousins, we are clearly more intelligent, more sophisticated...more classy. Now then, if I may make a proper offer to the lovely Gren, / Ken: Feces? / Gren: Next.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Turg: I want to thank you for this opportunity, Ms. Razortooth. / Gren: Oh! No problem at all Turg! And please, call me Gren! / Gren: You were charming, articulate...handsome! How could I resist? / Gren: Taking your shirt off at the interview was a good move, too.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Turg: I'm generally merciful to my victims. A quick death and then I compose a poem, wishing the soul success in whatever afterworld it ends up. / Gren: How nice! I understand you recently split from your last partner. Could you tell me more about that? / Turg: Oh now SHE was a cow. / Turg: A beautiful cow with long legs and the most magnificent udders... <
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: I'm embarrassed to say I don't know much about the Kuo-toa people. / Gren: I've never properly met one of your kind before, let alone dated one. So...what do you like to do? / [[The Kuo-toa gropes Gren]] / Arachne: Sushi? Yum!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Sorry Lewie. I don't date across the grave. / Lewie: But...I can offer you an eternity. / Gren: It already feels like one.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Bob: So um...How goes the date thing? / Gren: Pretty crappy. / Bob: Oh yeah? Sooo...are you home tonight? / Gren: Nope. Going out with an Ork named Gronk. Said he had something special planned. So don't wait up. / Bob: Dad was wrong. Goblins are evil. / Gren: LAWFUL EVIL!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Hi. You must be Gronk!
/ Gronk: General Gronk. Delighted to meet you, Ms. Razortooth. / Gren: Ooh! A general eh? Please general, call me Gren.
/ Gronk: Very well, Gren. And you may call me Gronk. / Gren: You look like you're all dressed for battle. You must have something exciting planned.
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Look Gronk...You don't have to conquer a whole human city just to impress a girl... / Gronk: Fear not, little one. / Gronk: I have been researching and plotting this strategy for many years. We cannot lose! / Gren: But- / Gren: But every orc raid on that city has ended in total disaster! / Gronk: Hmph. That's because my fellow orcs are cowards. No, I found an army that is fearless. Loyal. / Kobold: The troopth are ready and waiting, general, thir! / Gren: KOBOLDS? / Gronk: Excellent.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gronk: There it lies Gren. Waiting to be plucked. Ours for the taking. / Gronk: You see that tall building? That will be your seat of power! / Gren: My...? / Gronk: While I am off campaigning and conquering new lands, you will rule our empire from a throne of gold! / Gronk: You, Gren Razortooth, will be my empress! / Gren: Me? I...but...Gronk...this is all so sudden! / Gronk: That is the key to victory! Surprise! Do the unexpected! Attack!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Look, Gronk...I'm just not sure trying to take out a whole city with a pack of kobolds is a good idea.
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gronk: CHARGE!
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gronk: Wh-what are they gonna do to us? / Arachne: Oh...No doubt we can expect some torture. / Arachne: Then the 'rotting in a dungeon'...Probably culminating in a spectacular and humiliating public execution. / Gren: Arachne! / Gren: That's what our people would do! But we're evil. These people are good! They wouldn't do that sort of thing! / Arachne: Sweetheart...in this world the difference between good and evil is that good pretends not to enjoy this sort of thing.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Why are they showing us all these horrible things?? / Arachne: It's a breaking technique. / Arachne: They show us a dozen horrible fates that may or may not befall us...Promise us the one that scares us least if we cooperate. No doubt this leads to the torture chamber. / Arachne: What they don't realize is that it takes a lot to frighten m-GASP! / Arachne: Oh I have GOT to get me one of those!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Mrs. Bloodhand: Bob! Bob! / Bob: Mrs. Bloodhand? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Quickly! / Mrs. Bloodhand: It's Gren! That idiot Gronk Plundercheeks got her, himself, and Arachne captured by the humans! / Bob: WHAT?! / Bob: We've got to get her back. / Lewie: I will send my legions to crush the human filth and bring- / Mrs. Bloodhand: You send one skeleton down there and they'll kill all three of 'em! Cool it bone-head. You fix my garden and stay out of this!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gronk: Oh Gren...This is all my fault will you ever be able to forgive me? / Gren: Erm... / Gren: This is probably not the best time to be asking me that sort of question, Gronk. / Human: Bring the goblin... / Gronk: Oh Gren, you can't imagine the mental anguish that plagues me now. / Gronk: Our next date will be better, I promise! / Arachne: Have fun, kid.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Mrs. Bloodhand: Okay...Mr. Izquxxisquid, you stay here and listen for my thoughts. If we need back-up, you'll be our first contact. / Mr. Squid: Check. / Mrs. Bloodhand: We'll need a distraction and a quick getaway. / Bob: I got a lead on that. / Mrs. Bloodhand: Good. / Bob: How do we get inside? / Mrs. Bloodhand: You and I go in disguise. / [[Bob stares at Mrs. Bloodhand, dumbounded.]] / Bob: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? / Mrs. Bloodhand: What?|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Human torturer: Back you go goblin girlie...Sleep tight. Heh heh. / Arachne: Gren! Sweetie, are you okay? What did they do to you?
/ Gren: Oh it was awful! They tortured me for hours! / Arachne: Did they use that table-stretchy thing on you?
/ Gren: Yeah...Ohh... / Arachne: GUARDS! GUARDS! <
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Mrs. Bloodhand: As long as we keep the hoods over our faces we should be able to pass as human pilgrim travelers. / Bob: This is not going to work. / Mrs. Bloodhand: You're not even trying.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: I'm so sorry Arachne. So much trouble just to help me out...And now you're being tortured. You don't deserve this. / Arachne: Woo hoo! The stretchy thing! C'mon boys! Show me what she's got! Let's go!|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Bob: Tell me Mrs. Bloodhand...How did you get so good at tactics? / Mrs. Bloodhand: My husband taught me. He was a general in the orc army. / Bob: General Bloodhand? You're that Mrs. Bloodhand? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Oh, you've heard of him? / Bob: Heard of him? He was the greatest soldier that ever lived! He taught you tactics and combat? / Mrs. Bloodhand: No silly! / Mrs. Bloodhand: He taught me tactics...I taught him combat. He almost beat me once. I was so proud of him.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||<
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Guard: Halt! Who goes there? / Mrs. Bloodhand: We are pilgrims coming to humble ourselves at the local shrine! / Guard: Who's your friend with the big head? / Bob: I knew it...This isn't going to- / Mrs. Bloodhand: What? You don't recognize the duke's favorite nephew? / Guard: Oh...er! Of course! Just a precaution, sir! C'mon in! Let us just get the gate a sec...|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Bob: Gren? / Gren: Bob! / Bob: I never thought I'd be so pleased to see anyone in my life! / Gren: Same here! / Gren: Oh Bob! We've got to rescue Arachne! / Bob: Don't worry, it's being taken care of. / Arachne: Okay boys, time to let an expert show you how it's done.|
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Oh Arachne! I'm so glad you're safe!
/ Arachne: Yeah yeah...me too. [[sulk]] / Mrs. Bloodhand: There's a bunch of guards blocking the way out!
/ Bob: Should be a snap for a warrior woman like you! Will you clear 'em for us? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Nope. You will.
/ Bob: Me?
/ Mrs. Bloodhand: Make an angry face. / [[Mrs. Bloodhand shoves an angry looking Bob out of the alley. The guards run away in terror.]]
|Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic||Gren: Oh Bob! Thank you for rescuing us... / Bob: Aw Gren! Mrs. Bloodhand did all the planning...but you know I would never have left you down here! / Arachne: I hate to break up the premature celebrations, but we still have to get through a whole city full of humans and back to the cavern before daybreak! / Bob: One massive distraction. One ride home. That was my contribution. / [[Human townspeople run away from the homes, which are on fire.]] / Lion: This side now! Check it! Wooooo! / Goat: Burn baby! Yeah!|
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 >>