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Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic :: Bob and Gren Razortooth Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahaha / Gren: C'mon you... You're starting to scare me. / <> / Harpies: Bye Bob! Thanks for a great time! Come back any time! Bring your friend! She's cute!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: How... how could you? / I left my family... / I left everything / For this. / Bob: I tried to tell you right at the start of all this, Gren. / I'm a beholder. / Beholders are evil creatures. / Gren: Lawful evil. / Beholders are lawful evil. / Bob: Oh. / Crap.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic :: Bob and Gren Razortooth Bob: So... What happens next? / Gren: I don't know. Maybe I should invoke goblin law 7. / Bob: Which is... / Gren: The law of equal revenge. "Any wrongdoing is owed an equal and opposite reaction." / Bob: Meaning what, exactly? / Gren: Meaning I get a free fling! Free of guilt no questions or complaints from you. / Arachne: I have therefore taken the liberty of composing this short list of potential suitors, interviews begin in two days.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Arachne: So, knowing your particular -bizarre- proclivities, I have composed a list of mostly men... / Gren: Arachne...Maybe this isn't such a good idea. / Gren: I spoke in anger! I don't want to see someone else...maybe...maybe Bob and I should just talk and- / Arachne: There are over 150 harpys in that cave. / [[Gren appears pauses, wide-eyed]] / Gren: Who's first.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Arachne: This is Slurr. He's an ottyugh. / Arachne: They're a scavenger race, known for feeding on cast-offs, offal, and dung. / Arachne: He's offering stability, friendship, and a night of cuddles and fine-dining. / Slurr: Poo? / Gren: Next!
 
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Ken: First of all, I would like to apologize for my cousin, Slurr. / Ken: And before you write off all of our kind as uncouth filth-eaters, allow me to introduce myself. I am Ken. I belong to a sub-class -if you will- of ottyugh... We call ourselves the Neo-Ottyugh. / Ken: Now, while maintaining many of the characteristics that keep us within the same genus as our cousins, we are clearly more intelligent, more sophisticated...more classy. Now then, if I may make a proper offer to the lovely Gren, / Ken: Feces? / Gren: Next.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Turg: I want to thank you for this opportunity, Ms. Razortooth. / Gren: Oh! No problem at all Turg! And please, call me Gren! / Gren: You were charming, articulate...handsome! How could I resist? / Gren: Taking your shirt off at the interview was a good move, too.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Turg: I'm generally merciful to my victims. A quick death and then I compose a poem, wishing the soul success in whatever afterworld it ends up. / Gren: How nice! I understand you recently split from your last partner. Could you tell me more about that? / Turg: Oh now SHE was a cow. / Turg: A beautiful cow with long legs and the most magnificent udders... <>
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: I'm embarrassed to say I don't know much about the Kuo-toa people. / Gren: I've never properly met one of your kind before, let alone dated one. So...what do you like to do? / [[The Kuo-toa gropes Gren]] / Arachne: Sushi? Yum!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Sorry Lewie. I don't date across the grave. / Lewie: But...I can offer you an eternity. / Gren: It already feels like one.
 
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Bob: So um...How goes the date thing? / Gren: Pretty crappy. / Bob: Oh yeah? Sooo...are you home tonight? / Gren: Nope. Going out with an Ork named Gronk. Said he had something special planned. So don't wait up. / Bob: Dad was wrong. Goblins are evil. / Gren: LAWFUL EVIL!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Hi. You must be Gronk! / Gronk: General Gronk. Delighted to meet you, Ms. Razortooth. / Gren: Ooh! A general eh? Please general, call me Gren. / Gronk: Very well, Gren. And you may call me Gronk. / Gren: You look like you're all dressed for battle. You must have something exciting planned. / <> / Gronk: Oh yes! / Gronk: Tonight we conquer the human city!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Look Gronk...You don't have to conquer a whole human city just to impress a girl... / Gronk: Fear not, little one. / Gronk: I have been researching and plotting this strategy for many years. We cannot lose! / Gren: But- / Gren: But every orc raid on that city has ended in total disaster! / Gronk: Hmph. That's because my fellow orcs are cowards. No, I found an army that is fearless. Loyal. / Kobold: The troopth are ready and waiting, general, thir! / Gren: KOBOLDS? / Gronk: Excellent.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gronk: There it lies Gren. Waiting to be plucked. Ours for the taking. / Gronk: You see that tall building? That will be your seat of power! / Gren: My...? / Gronk: While I am off campaigning and conquering new lands, you will rule our empire from a throne of gold! / Gronk: You, Gren Razortooth, will be my empress! / Gren: Me? I...but...Gronk...this is all so sudden! / Gronk: That is the key to victory! Surprise! Do the unexpected! Attack!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Look, Gronk...I'm just not sure trying to take out a whole city with a pack of kobolds is a good idea. / <> / Gronk: Have faith, little one. I would not lead you into danger. I am absolutely certain of the outcome. / <> / Gronk: This night will be victorious or my name isn't General Gronk Plundercheeks! / <> / Gren: Your name is Gronk Plundercheeks? / Gronk: Yeah...well...all the good names were taken. / <>
 
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gronk: CHARGE! / <> / Arachne: Come on...We're going home. / Gren: Arachne? What- / Arachne: I'm sorry, Gren if I knew what an idiot this guy was I never would have put him on the list. This has gone too far! / Gronk: Don't leave now, Gren! Victory is within our- / <> / <> / <> / Arachne: Nice.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gronk: Wh-what are they gonna do to us? / Arachne: Oh...No doubt we can expect some torture. / Arachne: Then the 'rotting in a dungeon'...Probably culminating in a spectacular and humiliating public execution. / Gren: Arachne! / Gren: That's what our people would do! But we're evil. These people are good! They wouldn't do that sort of thing! / Arachne: Sweetheart...in this world the difference between good and evil is that good pretends not to enjoy this sort of thing.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Why are they showing us all these horrible things?? / Arachne: It's a breaking technique. / Arachne: They show us a dozen horrible fates that may or may not befall us...Promise us the one that scares us least if we cooperate. No doubt this leads to the torture chamber. / Arachne: What they don't realize is that it takes a lot to frighten m-GASP! / Arachne: Oh I have GOT to get me one of those!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Mrs. Bloodhand: Bob! Bob! / Bob: Mrs. Bloodhand? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Quickly! / Mrs. Bloodhand: It's Gren! That idiot Gronk Plundercheeks got her, himself, and Arachne captured by the humans! / Bob: WHAT?! / Bob: We've got to get her back. / Lewie: I will send my legions to crush the human filth and bring- / Mrs. Bloodhand: You send one skeleton down there and they'll kill all three of 'em! Cool it bone-head. You fix my garden and stay out of this!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gronk: Oh Gren...This is all my fault will you ever be able to forgive me? / Gren: Erm... / Gren: This is probably not the best time to be asking me that sort of question, Gronk. / Human: Bring the goblin... / Gronk: Oh Gren, you can't imagine the mental anguish that plagues me now. / Gronk: Our next date will be better, I promise! / Arachne: Have fun, kid.
 
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Mrs. Bloodhand: Okay...Mr. Izquxxisquid, you stay here and listen for my thoughts. If we need back-up, you'll be our first contact. / Mr. Squid: Check. / Mrs. Bloodhand: We'll need a distraction and a quick getaway. / Bob: I got a lead on that. / Mrs. Bloodhand: Good. / Bob: How do we get inside? / Mrs. Bloodhand: You and I go in disguise. / [[Bob stares at Mrs. Bloodhand, dumbounded.]] / Bob: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? / Mrs. Bloodhand: What?
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Human torturer: Back you go goblin girlie...Sleep tight. Heh heh. / Arachne: Gren! Sweetie, are you okay? What did they do to you? / Gren: Oh it was awful! They tortured me for hours! / Arachne: Did they use that table-stretchy thing on you? / Gren: Yeah...Ohh... / Arachne: GUARDS! GUARDS! <> I know something you don't know! And I ain't gonnna tellll ya! <>
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Mrs. Bloodhand: As long as we keep the hoods over our faces we should be able to pass as human pilgrim travelers. / Bob: This is not going to work. / Mrs. Bloodhand: You're not even trying.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: I'm so sorry Arachne. So much trouble just to help me out...And now you're being tortured. You don't deserve this. / Arachne: Woo hoo! The stretchy thing! C'mon boys! Show me what she's got! Let's go!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Bob: Tell me Mrs. Bloodhand...How did you get so good at tactics? / Mrs. Bloodhand: My husband taught me. He was a general in the orc army. / Bob: General Bloodhand? You're that Mrs. Bloodhand? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Oh, you've heard of him? / Bob: Heard of him? He was the greatest soldier that ever lived! He taught you tactics and combat? / Mrs. Bloodhand: No silly! / Mrs. Bloodhand: He taught me tactics...I taught him combat. He almost beat me once. I was so proud of him.
 
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic <> / Gren: Arachne! / <> / Gren: Leave her alone! Stoppit! Stoppitt!! / Arachne: EEEEEE Hee hee hee hee! Is that all you got? This is fun!
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Guard: Halt! Who goes there? / Mrs. Bloodhand: We are pilgrims coming to humble ourselves at the local shrine! / Guard: Who's your friend with the big head? / Bob: I knew it...This isn't going to- / Mrs. Bloodhand: What? You don't recognize the duke's favorite nephew? / Guard: Oh...er! Of course! Just a precaution, sir! C'mon in! Let us just get the gate a sec...
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Bob: Gren? / Gren: Bob! / Bob: I never thought I'd be so pleased to see anyone in my life! / Gren: Same here! / Gren: Oh Bob! We've got to rescue Arachne! / Bob: Don't worry, it's being taken care of. / Arachne: Okay boys, time to let an expert show you how it's done.
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Oh Arachne! I'm so glad you're safe! / Arachne: Yeah yeah...me too. [[sulk]] / Mrs. Bloodhand: There's a bunch of guards blocking the way out! / Bob: Should be a snap for a warrior woman like you! Will you clear 'em for us? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Nope. You will. / Bob: Me? / Mrs. Bloodhand: Make an angry face. / [[Mrs. Bloodhand shoves an angry looking Bob out of the alley. The guards run away in terror.]] / <> / <>
Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic Gren: Oh Bob! Thank you for rescuing us... / Bob: Aw Gren! Mrs. Bloodhand did all the planning...but you know I would never have left you down here! / Arachne: I hate to break up the premature celebrations, but we still have to get through a whole city full of humans and back to the cavern before daybreak! / Bob: One massive distraction. One ride home. That was my contribution. / [[Human townspeople run away from the homes, which are on fire.]] / Lion: This side now! Check it! Wooooo! / Goat: Burn baby! Yeah!
 

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