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Can you believe I gained ten pounds What is this / First I lose my social status and now I'm getting fat / Is the universe plotting against me Doesn't anybody care / I said Doesn't anybody care / No |
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Hey Ruth I'm sorry okay / I know I've been cranky / Yes you've been stressing over not being a cheerleader anymore / I know how you feel / As you get older your childhood will be less and less important to you What's more important is what you do now / Is this a subtle hint to stop hogging the tv all the time / No / But yes |
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Monkey Master / Show yourself / Okay / BWARP / Four ton twenty foot robot / Single itty bitty non augmented human / Squoosh / Oh just try to take me / Wow / Why do my spacesuit pants feel funny / Puberty / Oh / Crap I'm gay |
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The reality of mainstream newspaper syndication / Most newspapers in America today are published to an aging demographic Teens and young adults when turning to the media for news if at all increasingly depend on television and the internet rather than newspapers / As such newspaper content including the funny papers must be geared towards a very sensitive and conservative audience Family friendly and inoffensive material is heavily stressed / Over the next few updates we will be presenting a guide to what will not be allowed in newspaper syndication For example / Whoa hey / sniff sniff / 1 Promotion of alcohol use / It's morning and you smell like alcohol / So / 2 Material that might be perceived as setting a bad example for young children / What have I told you a What is that / Beerios TM / Jesus / 3 Taking the lord's name in vain |
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The reality of mainstream newspaper syndication cont / Yesterday we began to examine the standards of newspaper syndicated comic strips and touched on how the readership demographics create this environment / To say that these demands have affected a noticeable change to what subject matters Roomies can explore is a gross understatement Some of Roomies readers have voiced their concerns to its cartoonist demanding a return to its roots / This would be impossible For example the following strip is just unacceptable for the listed reasons / 1 Suggestion of alcoholism / Billie put that beer away right now You've had enough / 2 Profanity / Yeah I'm sorry I've been a bitch to you lately I just don't understand life much anymore y'know / It's just that I fought so hard to be loved an' I'm watching it all go down the toilet before my eyes / 3 Passionate kissing / 4 Between girls |
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Should we really leave Jason behind like that sir / WHAMP / What do you think / SKISZZXX / He'll do fine Machete |
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The reality of mainstream newspaper syndication cont / Today we continue to examine the standards of newspaper syndicated comic strips especially highlighting those areas which are considered offensive and are largely avoided / One such area is your mom's Her area is freakin' huge Sex with her is like tossing hot dogs down a hallway If she didn't charge so little she wouldn't get any at all And most of it from you know drug dealers On street corners / Your mom is a prostitute / Oh jeeze I'm so sorry I didn't / That wasn't right I mean god I practically raised you Sooo many wrongs It's just / I dunno Sometimes I don't feel loved either and I didn't want / 1 Obscured or implied sexual acts |
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And now back to our regularly scheduled family friendly Roomies / Kitty / lap lap / lick / Blech |
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Cloaking Monkey Master That's a new trick from you / As you can imagine I have trouble getting around unseen / Of course / Why are you doing this We can grant you diplomatic amnesty for your help during the martian invasion / There's no need to play for power / Very well then / We'll take you back to headquarters and see what they want to do with you / I'LL SAVE YOU JASON / agh |
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ARRRRR / I can't take you anywhere |
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Hey Joe what are you doing out here at that table / Hoo hah / Girl / I'm offering my services as a boyfriend / And what services are those / A list of my credentials / I can't read this aloud in public / It's that good |
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Machete Get off me / Sir / I have this situation under perfect control soldier Think and observe before you act / Cripes / What kind of name is Machete anyway / You don't carry any sort of blade / Uh / It sounds hardcore / Wait / They're gone The aliens and their machinery / Where / FFZZZXX |
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YOU MAY BE A WINNER / Probably not / Ha ha loser |
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Dan We need to hide all our stuff / What / My mom is visiting / Oh / Quick Throw everything under the bed / Throw what We don't have anything to hide / Throw whatever I just have to keep my street cred okay |
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I will not be your world's toy / I will not be anyone's servant / You cannot contain me / The Electric Man / I have created you Where I cannot sneak myself you will go in my stead / You are light and stealth where I am bulk and strength / Working together as equal partners no one will make us their slaves / And in twenty years when more Martians return I will strike them down with the power I and my partners have / WHAM / UFF / That had better not be who I know it is |
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Great My mom's here in the dormatory lobby I just buzzed her in / Why are you in a mood Your mom's great / Whatever She treats you different She annoys me / Joe you're such an ungrateful son / Hello boys Danny I'll give you 20 bucks if you leave / I love you Mrs. R |
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So dad couldn't make it / No / Look sweetie this is going to be tough for all of us but / uh / Holy geez dad's dead / No we're just divorced / Oh thank god |
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BAM / HNNF / WHAMP / JASON / Congratulations Sal Must be difficult to beat up on a bound M / AH'LL SAVE YOU / I hate every single last one of you |
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So you and dad are divorced huh Can't say it's a surprise / I'm sorry Joe / I just want you to know that your father and I will not try to battle for or buy your love / All right / You want a motorscooter / Do I |
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Divorce is awesome |
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Hi / What in blazes are you doing here Your involvement in this is illegal / Ah / Oh right / SSXXXIIZZXXX / AAAAUU / SAL / One word One word an' y'all die |
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Hey Joe How did your mom's visit go / Great / My mom and dad got divorced so my mom bought me all this stuff / She what / I got a scooter and a nintendo and this super baseball cap and / Joe / How is she paying for all this / Probably my dad's credit cards Check out this radical nosejob |
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Joe What's that / My dad found out my mom was buying me a bunch of stuff with his credit cards after their divorce / So he bought me this table tennis set with her credit card / I think you should return all this stuff Joe / My parents are getting divorced Danny I need material compensation to curb my grief / Oh stick a sock in it |
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Have you realized yet / You can't hurt the Electric Man / He's made entirely of energy His mass is negligible You can't pick him up punch him or destroy him / BLIF / Your alien enhanced superpowers are useless against him / So now where were we / Uh / Th they don't intimidate me / Charming Your back up superpower is denial |
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Sure you don't wanna play against me Dan / No This is dirty pool / I wanna play / It's ping pong Danny / It's a figure of speech / Okay Howard Only my bestest buds get to play ping pong with me / Really / Of course to be my bestest bud you have to go through a hazing period / Um / A wedgie for every miss |
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putt putt putt putt putt |
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Strategic withdrawal / Aw hell no We figger this out Stand our ground / That's an order / Yer not my boss Ah freelance / Yes about that / What / WATER / You told the government you'd play nice / Helpin' people is wrong / In your case legally yes / Ah'm a superhero Ah'm illegal by definition / So is that your excuse today / FSFXZXAP / Imbecile / Hey it works in cartoons |
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That's amazing Did you build that hover cart yourself / I guess I did / Gosh You should enter the collegiate inventors contest / I dunno / That would mean I'd have to join a group of nerds No way / Oh / Although the only upper hand nerds have is being smarter so this could be my chance to lord that over them too |
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INVENTORS / I built a hovercraft out of a ping pong table and an electric scooter It runs on air |
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What now scrawny We're outta run room / Lemme think / Sorry love but yain't got that much time Ah survived bein' zapped but there's no guarantee you will / I wouldn't be in this mess if you h / Shaddap an' be rescued Jason / KAPLOW / Hey kids couldja keep it down in here We were tryin' to sleep / Nice try Ultra Car but I think your witty entrance cry needs some work / I'm going to kick your ass / That's better / No I mean I will kick your ass Joe |
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