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| 031 - oh how dreadfully inappropriate | Hey, theres a guy outside taking donations for the blind. / How about a pack of cards?
/ He'd prefer money. / Everyone loves a good book!
/ They're BLIND, they can't- / How about this dog that I've trained to lead blind people into oncoming traffic? / Man, I have way too much spare time / alt: You wouldn't BELIEVE how many blind people I went through to train him properly. Quite an investment! / comment: i never realised how much fun dogs are to draw!
/ as of now, this is a comic about talking puppies
/ having wacky adventures in the big city / TAGS: dog puppy tongue cute blind card book train inappropriate clueless http://anticscomic.com/?p=123 |
| 032 - whatever happened to | SIDE-STORY THEATRE
/ with
/ KEVIN the piggy banker
/ and
/ JEFF the ugly jerk / Good morning! I'd like to close my bank account, please.
/ May I ask why? / Because nobody likes me, my life is meaningless, and frankly I'm considering killing myself. / Oh my god!
/ so am i / I thought I was the only one.... / alt: I am making this comic of my own free will. Jeff is not holding a gun to my head. CALL THE POLI- / comment: kevin gave up his job at the bank and settled down with jeff in a nice little wooden villa overlooking their new farm
/ they adopted an ugly baby and raised it lovingly, instead of ridiculing and rejecting it as nature intended
/ and they all lived ugly ever after / TAGS: kevin pig bank jeff blue ugly hideous freak monster wedding bride groom http://anticscomic.com/?p=129 |
| 033 - everything in its place | Woo, TV time!
/ Not according to my giant schedule pad.
/ TIME TO COOK / Enough with the stupid schedule! I swear you wouldn't remember to breathe without this thing. / Oh whoops, I ripped it! Are you going to just freeze in place? Or can you mana- / oh my god / That statue is incredible!
/ shut up and follow the schedule
/ TIME TO SCULPT / alt: TIME TO POOP. TIME TO POOP AGAIN. TIME TO POOP AGAIN. TIME TO SEE A DOCTOR. / comment: what the hell?
/ you carved a statue of yourself screaming?
/ that's pretty messed up
/ good job on the incredibly thin arms and legs though, they must have been tricky / TAGS: schedule pad cook statue sculpt freeze rip tear http://anticscomic.com/?p=133 |
| 034 - jobs are for losers | How on earth can you afford that? You don't have a job!
/ ooooohh / Selling advertising space! It's a lucrative business. / Companies pay a LOT for a big old tattoo across the back of someone's head, you know. / But you don't even HAVE any-
/ yeah, i was surprised you managed to sleep through it / BUY FORD / alt: Do you like pizza hut enough to get a tattoo of their logo? Okay you might not want to look at your genitals ever again. / comment: i'm just not a "work nine to five, day in day out" kind of guy, you know?
/ it's not like i mind a BIT of work here and there
/ but i'd rather turn everyone i know into human billboards and reap the rewards, that's all / TAGS: ad advert advertisement tattoo ford gld watch pimp cup medallion chalice grillz cash money dollar bills billz http://anticscomic.com/?p=135 |
| 035 - get a friggin dictionary | What is that godawful stench? The whole house smell awful! / I'm burning incense! / Dude, incense is a stick you burn to release pleasant smells. / These are INSECTS. / That explains the screeching.
/ and also why my pet spider is so strange after feeding time / I SMELL FAAAAABULOUS! / alt: I wish I was fierce enough to rock a sparkly purple vest. Oh well, a boy can dream. / comment: phew i remembered another word close to "incense" at the last minute
/ i REALLY didn't want to imagine what burning incest would look like / TAGS: incense insect burn fire scream camp spider fabulous purple sparkle vest http://anticscomic.com/?p=140 |
| 036 - my religion has casual fridays | Check out my robes! By the way I'm a Buddhist monk now.
/ But you always say religion is for posers. / Oh I don't believe any of it, I'm just in it for the reincarnation.
/ You see, Buddhists are like tadpoles. / Soon I will encase myself in a giant cocoon made of skin... / Emerging weeks later as a beautiful winged tyrannosaurus. / I'm fairly sure reincarnation doesn't quite work that way
/ please be more tolerant of my religious beliefs / raaaaaarr / alt: RARR I'm a t-rex, feed me hamburgers. Wait, dinosaurs don't eat junk food? I am DONE with religion / comment: i don't know whether buddha cared much about fashion
/ but i left out the tie just in case color clashes are a buddhism no-no / TAGS: robe Buddhist Buddhism Buddha monk reincarnation religion cocoon butterfly tadpole tyrannosaurus dinosaur http://anticscomic.com/?p=147 |
| 037 - we just got that fixed | Oooh, whats that?
/ A duck call. Check it out! / WAAAAAAAK / Neat! Can I have a go?
/ wak? / ARR ARROOOOO / RAARGHH / alt: RAARGH I HEARD YOU GUYS HAD DUCKS... WHERE MY DUCKS AT / comment: if I ever draw a window, you better believe something is about to bust through it
/ wolves don't give a crap if you put glass in their way
/ they just don't care, man / TAGS: duck call quack wolf glass window smash shatter crash http://anticscomic.com/?p=149 |
| 038 - part of a balanced diet | From now on, I'm a vegetarian!
/ Giving up meat? Wow, I didn't expect that. / You don't have to limit yourself to eating plain carrots, though. How about a vegetable curry? / You can make your own delicious chutney! Or tasty salsa with corn, capsicum and red onions! / You barely have to limit yourself! Honestly, the possibilities are- / ...endless? / OH GOD, I NEED HELP
/ bok bok / alt: the feathers just feel so good and soft in my guts... so natural / comment: i have more respect for vegetarians than i'd ever admit to one in person
/ not so much because of their moral views and lifestyles
/ but because it must take a LOT of restraint to not eat such great food
/ bacon, steak and chicken nuggets are delicious how can you not eat them / TAGS: vegetarian vegetable carrot chicken meat eat food cry http://anticscomic.com/?p=153 |
| 039 - taking it in stride | Do you know what this thing is?
/ What thing? / OH GOD YUCK / ploip / race you to the beach? / Oh it is ON, eyeball thing!
/ bring it / Loser buys lunch!
/ BLEEEGH / alt: Hey look, now I've got this neat skin pocket in my side. Goodbye wallet! / comment: a giant talking eyeball popping out of your side is new, i suppose
/ but in this crazy age of microwave ovens and square watermelons
/ who can really say what is normal any more? / TAGS: eyeball tumor growth monster alien tentacle skin flap race vomit hurl throw up http://anticscomic.com/?p=156 |
| 040 - IT KEEPS HAPPENING | My TV isn't in my room! Did you move it or something? / I didn't take your television!
/ Hypnosis won't fix this. / I didn't sell your television and keep the money for myseeelf.
/ Seriously, stop it! / On octopus won't hypnotize me.
/ octopus?! / SPLOIT / MY EYES! / alt: Oh no, our ties are both black now! HOW WILL WE TELL OURSELVES APART?! / comment: seriously marine animals, stop with the thieving!
/ you live in the ocean! what do you need electronics for?
/ one of life's greatest mysteries / TAGS: TV television gold watch hypnosis spiral glasses octopus ink steal theft http://anticscomic.com/?p=163 |
| 041 - apparently it is halloween | Head or tails? Loser hands out candy to the trick or treaters!
/ heads, i guess / FLIK / AHH, JESUS CHRIST! / If you scare ME that much, think how terrified the kids will be! / So, was it heads or EEEEEAAAGHHH! / alt: Sure, the monster is so scary that I wet myself. But more importantly, IT'S JACKING MY STYLE! This will not stand / comment: i wish i could be a kid again, and enjoy halloween as a night of gorging myself on sugar and gallivanting about
/ sadly it is fast becoming yet another excuse to get drunk in a monster costume
/ wait a second
/ actually that is way better / TAGS: halloween coin toss flip heads tails costume skeleton skull sandwich fangs teeth http://anticscomic.com/?p=166 |
| 042 - OUTSIDE QUEST: PART 1 | I think we need to stop hanging around inside the house so much, man.
/ seriously we never leave the house / We could find and unlock the gates of El Dorado, I guess.
/ why do you have the key already / And so they did journey 'cros land and 'cros sea / Dashing through meadows where fairies flew free / They leapt across chasms that dropped to earth's core / 'Til at last they drew near to the great golden door
/ i forgot the key / alt: he leaps across chasms so daintily; the Extreme Ballet lessons practically pay for themselves / comment: if you run fast enough and far enough
/ you will definitely find a mythical location of some sort
/ i'm pretty sure the science behind my theory is correct / TAGS: journey quest trek explore gold key el dorado outside water wings kayak paddle fairy faerie chasm crevasse door mountains http://anticscomic.com/?p=169 |
| 043 - OUTSIDE QUEST: PART 2 | They kicked and clawed madly; the doors remained sealed / Four hours of this later, at last they did yield / But just then a plumber arrived in a rush / "Got a job in here" he said, "Their toilet won't flush" / With his maintenance key, he opened the lock / And as the doors parted, they looked on in shock
/ I did not expect what I'm looking at right now / alt: The suspense is killing me! I can feel my organs shutting down. So cold / comment: goodness gracious, what a cliffhanger
/ what is behind those doors?!
/ actually, i might just end it here and leave it up to your imagination
/ (P.S. I WON'T REALLY DO THAT) / TAGS: journey quest trek explore gold key door el dorado outside plumber JD hat pipes mario toolbox fat overalls http://anticscomic.com/?p=173 |
| 044 - OUTSIDE QUEST: PART 3 | The great El Dorado was run-down and old / A villager spoke up; "There is no more gold" / "Our treasure", he explained, "is kindness of heart" / "YOU'RE FILTHY" yelled Fletcher, "YOU ALL SMELL LIKE FART" / And so they trudged homeward, depressed and still poor / Except for the plumber, who stole a whole door
/ SOLID GOLD! I'M RICH / alt: Actually, the filthiness isn't really connected to the fart smell. That was all me. / comment: and so the epic story draws to a close
/ it was fun drawing things that weren't the inside of a yellow house
/ i think i'll do it more often!
/ p.s. fletcher and copernicus got home safe
/ p.p.s the plumber invested most of his gold money in stock, and now lives at his vineyard in spain / TAGS: journey quest trek explore gold key door el dorado villager poor rags stone hut house walls outside plumber JD pipes hat mario fat overalls steal theft chain http://anticscomic.com/?p=177 |
| 045 - it's the law or something | finally, got him / Mittens, you're safe! That you for saving my precious kitt cat! / So, what reward are YOU going to ask her for? I've heard this lady is rich as all heck. / She said thanks, what more do you expect? Seriously, you can't just ASK people for rewards! / TURNS OUT YOU ACTUALLY CAN
/ what / alt: And when I rev the engine, it smells like dragon fart! Trust me, it's better than it sounds. / comment: ''doing favors" is something i find absolutely disgusting
/ you can't just expect me to give up my time for nothing but an "oh uh thanks" in return
/ that is called SLAVERY and i'm pretty sure it is frowned upon in most places / TAGS: outside tree cat old lady grey gray walking stick reward bike motorbike motorcycle dragon lizard cool awesome horn pipe wheel tyre tire engine http://anticscomic.com/?p=188 |
| 046 - proto typical | Heres a model pf the submarine I've designed. We're going on a magical ocean adventure! / We'll be so well protected that it'll be like diving in a fishbowl! / uhhh... it's just a prototype / I blame you for this / alt: Well, at least it can't get any wor- OH NO, a jellyfish got in! OH NO, it's stinging my privates! Phew, I drowned. / comment: here is a comic about submarines
/ i hope there are enough submarines in it for you! / TAGS: fish fishtank bowl castle goldfish submarine prototype kelp seaweed jellyfish natek water rock sea ocean sand periscope http://anticscomic.com/?p=195 |
| 047 - the boy who cried happy bday | Happy birthday, man!
/ No way am I falling for this a third time! / What is it, another hilarious box of jumping scorpions?
/ no, i just- / Or the old "cake full of acid" gag? I still can't sleep without a ventilator, you know. / HERE is what I think of your present, you AWFUL person! / STOMP STOMP STOMP / KITTY CHOW / alt: Remember the time that I smothered our pal Frederick with a pillow for a birthday prank? Haha, I miss that guy / comment: never EVER give someone an animal for a gift
/ you never know when they might throw your gift off a bridge for no reason
/ and YOU will be responsible for it. YOU. / TAGS: happy birthday bday box wrap present airhole cat kitten kitty chow bag food rubbish trash can stomp stamp crush squash http://anticscomic.com/?p=198 |
| 048 - my baby takes the morning train | Man, this is the worst day ever. I lost my job at the law firm! / Wait a minute, you mean you've had an actual job all this time?
/ Of course I have! / What did you THINK I did all day?
/ like... sat around in your underpants or something? / Sorry man, I guess I misjudged you / Earlier that day:
/ You're fired.
/ fair enough / alt: NO SITTING ON THE DESK! I might have forgiven the tiny undies alone, but together it is simply unacceptable. / comment: what kind of law firm doesn't bend the rules to the point that people can wear budgie smugglers?
/ what is the POINT of lawyers if not this exact thing?! / TAGS: fired job law firm underpants boss desk naked nipples chair paper senor senor tenso http://anticscomic.com/?p=202 |
| 049 - beep boop i am a robot | You've met your match, machine!
/ test your strength / THWACK! / collect prize below / A banana? What the hell kind of terrible machine gives out pieces of ruit as prizes? / good prizes are awarded to users who are not little baby girls / I'LL KILL YOU!
/ ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha / alt: 3rd prize - apple, 2nd prize - half watermelon, 1st prize - whole watermelon / comment: Strength Tester Machine is like that set of electronic scales in Garfield
/ he will show up far too often and everyone will grow to hate him
/ this is as it should be / TAGS: hammer test your strength tester machine robot technology target banana skynet prize slot reward award http://anticscomic.com/?p=205 |
| 050 - lessons perpetually unlearnt | Can I borrow your baseball bat for a few minutes?
/ sure, I'll find it for you / soon:
/ beep beep beep beep boop / AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH / soon (again):
/ So, what have we learned about smashing up huge beehives for no apparent reason? / plthhhbbtfffblefthpbbbt / alt: Translation: make sure to wear the necessary protective equipment / comment: THE BEES
/ THEY ARE
/ IN MY EYES AAAAUUGHEGNENHINSsndetde / TAGS: baseball bat phone cell mobile text bee hornet outside run yell scream sting reaction swell gross tongue http://anticscomic.com/?p=209 |
| 051 - silent witness | Check out what my backyard diggings turned up! Cool, huh? / I know what you're thinking, but if it were going to explode then it would've done it years ago! / CLANG / HYAAH!
/ BOOT / See? It isn't dangerous at all! I kicked a BOMB and I'm totally unharmed! I bet you feel stupid about being so terrified, huh? / SOON:
/ I don't know how, but your body is ninety-five percent tumor
/ aw man / alt: second opinion: you're also super dumb / comment: god i wish copernicus would stop talking so much
/ it is getting in the way of fletcher's words, and it is RUINING antics / TAG: dig excavation bomb missile atom nuclear tumor cancer skull danger kick doctor clipboard table guest comic fan art fanart polk polkout http://anticscomic.com/?p=216 |
| 052 - in freshness and in wilt | Hey, have you seen my phone? I swear I left it right next to the whaaat the hell are you doing? / By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you yam and capsicum. You may kiss the bride. / Okay, I'm going to go somewhere else now. See you lat- OW, HEY! / OMIGOD OMIGOD you caught the bouquet, you're so lucky! / You should chat up one of the bridesmaids! That hot potato is seriously eyeing you up, man. / alt: You're a real chip off the old block, you ladies' man. Also, you are... a potato? I ran out of puns / comment: i'm not sure what the intended joke is here; the vegetable wedding, or the awful potato puns
/ whichever one you like best, i guess? / TAGS: phone table vegetable wedding bride dress gown groom suit tuxedo yam capsicum tomato celery turnip potato broccoli pun http://anticscomic.com/?p=219 |
| 053 - more limelight please | Guess who just bought a pottery wheel! Looks like you're not the only one with weird hobbies now / Pottery isn't weird at all. It's just mind-numbingly boring!
/ ah, but what about... / EXTREME pottery / Still pottery, still boring!
/ n-no! you're lying! / damn it, why did he have to be right? / alt: The robot is scary because he's so advanced that he can survive in water. The giraffe is scary because giraffes are terrifying. / comment: the lesson here is don't try to plan anything fun
/ don't talk about it, don't think about it. just rush into it!
/ this is the only way to truly enjoy things
/ also to end up with cool stories about your recent injuries/death / TAGS: pottery wheel hobby boring vase car vehicle ramp jump pool water pit shark giraffe robot hoop ring http://anticscomic.com/?p=223 |
| 054 - hental mealth | WE ARE MADE FLESH / Then I woke up! Can you figure out what any of that means?
/ it means stay the hell away from me / alt: I'm no expert in dream interpretation, but I think it means- LAST DAYS, TASTE SWEET FLESH ONCE MORE, ALL WILL PERISH BY OUR MANY HANDS / comment: for some reason i only have dreams like this when i've been huffing exhaust fumes
/ i wonder if there is a lesson in there somewhere / TAGS: hental mealth dream crazy drugs trip tentacle monster spike stripe purple orange spirit creepy teeth fangs drip insane mental http://anticscomic.com/?p=229 |
| 055 - overly elaborate | Seriously man, I can't believe you wrote a crossword this good!
/ it was hard! / It was just as challenging as any newspaper crossword I've done! / Although I still can't figure out how you got 'tintinnabulation' to fit into a ten by ten grid / Did you notice that you can add together the highlighted letters to form a hidden message? / Wow, you really went all out! Letes see: y... o... u... s... u... c... / HEY! / alt: full message: you succeed... at being a big stupid dumb head / comment: also a great way to give yourself a head start
/ so by the time they piece together "IM ROBBING U AS U READ THIS"
/ you're already halfway to italy / TAGS: crossword writing puzzle grid tintinnabulation paper troll trollface http://anticscomic.com/?p=242 |
| 056 - check your house for them | Holy butts, are you flying?
/ Nope, standing on an invisible table! / There's a ton of invisible stuff in the spare room. Even a bed!
/ What the heck? / Nobody tries to rob you if they can't see your stuff! Neat idea, huh? I thought of it just before I moved all of my things in here!
/ AHH! / You haven't paid any rent, and on top of that WHO ARE YOU? You can't just put your stuff in our house and expect to stay! / What about if I use my wizarding powers to make you both incredibly handsome, powerful and also super rich? / Okay, I suppose we can hammer out a- HEY, GET BACK HERE
/ HA HA JK / alt: p.s. you look so peaceful when you sleep / comment: that's the problem with wizards these days
/ if they can't get zoning permission to build big stone towers for themselves
/ they just turn into irritating magical squatters / TAGS: invisible table bed wizard magic star moon hat robe puff smoke disappear trick rent roommate furniture http://anticscomic.com/?p=244 |
| 057 - according to my scrolls | Is this metal thing yours? I found it wedged underneath the couch
/ OH MY GOD / Finally, the waiting is over. The prophecy is fulfilled at last! / Now that I have both halves, the power of the amulet is mine! / This pathetic little planet and its awful inhabitants will once again learn the truth about what I am / CLICK / NEAT GUY / alt: it is only a matter of days until the next prophecy is fulfilled: a third buttock for everyone in the world. It won't be helpful. / comment: everything that happens in the world is prophesied in my secret collection of scrolls
/ even your birth! yes, you there
/ the scrolls said your parents would make hot sweaty love and okay i'll stop now / TAGS: metal amulet chain medallion prophecy scroll half halves cheesy grin http://anticscomic.com/?p=248 |
| 058 - old habits | Where have you been all da- oh god, you're robbing banks again / Honestly man, did you not learn anything in stealing-rehab? You have an addictive personality! / I'm not addicted, this was a one-time thing. Trust me, I can... I can quit whenever I want to! / You can't rick me that easily! You're probably thinking about robbing banks right this second! / No, I swear! I'm not even thinking about anything CLOSE to that! / alt: why yes, that WOULD be a good thing on which to spend my ill-gotten gains / comment: robbing the bank wasn't even my idea!
/ I was hanging around with some of the bad kids from school
/ one of them pulled a pre-rolled bank out of his pocket, and asked me if i wanted to join the party
/ i just wanted them to think I was cool / TAGS: rob bank money dollar sign cash sack addiction addictive thought bubble woman female girl breasts boobs tits knockers hooters jugs gazongas melons sweater-cows jubblies breasticles http://anticscomic.com/?p=253 |
| 059 - one man focus group | Could you take a look at some "ironically bad" shirts I'm working on? I'd appreciate your help.
/ sure! / WHO CARES
/ Completely average in every way. / SOCIAL REJECT
/ Nobody would wear that! Also I think the colors made me blind. / Censored
/ Gross, garish and also kind of pathetic / FARTE BUTTE / FOR SUCH A SHIRT I WILL PAY YOU ALL OF MY DOLLARS / alt: suitable for ANY situation: weddings, funerals, t-shirt conventions, fart galleries / comment: other possible shirt words:
/ HUG JUNKIE
/ LADIES: PARTS OF ME MAY BE CONSIDERED ATTRACTIVE
/ I HAVE HALITOSIS (I RECOMMEND THAT YOU DO NOT KISS ME) / TAGS: shirt ironic bad butt fart cash money dolla billz meme http://anticscomic.com/?p=256 |
| 060 - everyone has a talent | Oh man, did you catch the Movie Award Show this year? I can't believe the things that occurred.
/ i hate award shows / You're just bitter because you've never been given any awards
/ hey, I have so! In fact, I have... / This award right here!
/ why are you holding your hands around the base? / Modest, huh? Come on, show me what you're so amazing at!
/ no thank you / Come one, let me see it! There's no need to be embarrassed.
/ I DON'T WANT TO! / WORST DIARRHEA EVER / alt: It took three straight years of training, but I finally did it. Next stop, the olympics / comment: IT WAS EVERYWHERE / TAGS: oscar movie award show gold golden statue poo poop diarrhea toilet rocket highbrow comedy http://anticscomic.com/?p=260 |