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| Bill Gates 1982 | W.E.: Woah, that's BILL GATES!
/ J.E.: [[thought bubble]] Whatever. / W.E.: Oh hey Bill Gates. DOS rocks!
/ Bill Gates: Great to meet you. / W.E.: Wow, I just talked to Bill Gates!
/ J.E.: Personally, a geek with his fly down doesn't impress me. http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/12/18/bill-gates-1982/ |
| When snowmen get ED | [[Frosty the Snowman and Mrs. Snowman in bed. Frosty looks dejected. ]]
/ Caption: It happens, Frosty. A few minutes in the freezer and you'll be fine! http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/08/06/snowman-ed/ |
| Cycle | Tix: [[slouched, depressed]] Everything seems pointless. / Laptop: Did you know sad people are more creative? (Wired 22 Oct 2010) / Tix: [[jumping for joy]] Boo Yah! I'm sad, ergo I'm creative! That makes me happy! / Tix: [[depressed again]] Happy => Not creative => Sad! Sigh! http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/03/cycle/ |
| Complex Decisions | Tix: Whatcha doin?
/ Becky[[on laptop]]: I'm deciding if I like this new song or not. / Tix: But you're not even listening to it.
/ Becky: Oh no. They track downloads, so first I need to research and make sure I would be OK if my 6,795 friends even knew I downloaded it. / {{It gets tricky when everything you do online is potentially viewable by all your "friends" or at least you wonder if it is.}} http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/05/complex-decisions/ |
| Fundamental Problem | Narrator: [[pointing to Venn diagram where target demographic does not intersect with media]] I'm afraid we have a fundamental problem here. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/07/fundamental-issue/ |
| Your Mom | Tix[[glaring at software package]]: They could never say, "So easy a 'negro' can install it!" / Tix: So how is it OK to say "So EZ YOUR MOM could install it??!!" http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/09/your-mom/ |
| Cloak of Invisibility | [[at some event]]
/ Tix [[speaking to Betty]]: I'd like to have one of your business ca---
/ Rude Lady in Red: [[interrupting]] Oh Betty, sooooo glad you're not busy. We need to talk. / Betty: [[pivoting away from Tix]] Oh yes, I was hoping to see you. How are you?
/ Rude Lady in Red: We went to Fiji. Check out the pix [[yak yak yak]] / Tix: [[thought bubble]] The invisibility cloak would be cooler if I could take it off. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/11/cloak-of-invisibility/ |
| Safe from Terrorists | [[on a beach littered with unburied corpses]]
/ Terrorist: [[to communication device]] It was easy sir. We didn't fire a shot. They were all dead or dying of cancer from those TSA scans.
/ Dying guy: Kill me please. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/17/tsa-naked-scanner/ |
| Always Wrong | Becky: Whatcha doin' Ma?
/ Tix: [[looking sheepish, seated at laptop]] ummmm... just taking a break with some Facebook Hackage. / Becky: Aren't you supposed to be doing the KnumKnuts poster?
/ Tix: Yeah... just takin' a break... / [[3 Days Later:]]
/ Tix: [[sitting at drawing table looking sheepish with thought bubble]] And now that I have a *paid gig* hacking Facebook... http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/22/always-wrong/ |
| Half a dead rat | Tix: The cat left half a dead rat for me on the porch.
/ Robby: OK, OK, I'll take care of it. / Robby: [[washing hands]] Well, now you can quit bitching that no one gives a rat's ass. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/27/half-a-dead-rat/ |
| Flameproof | [[Fat Ugly Internet Guy is firing a flamethrower.]] / Tix: An advantage to being under a cloak of invisibility is that flamers can't find me, and even if they do, I'm flameproof. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/11/30/flameproof/ |
| AA Meeting | Marilyn: Hate to be a bad hostess but I have to go to an AA meeting.
/ Tix: You? an alkie? But you've gone months... / [[at the meeting]]
/ Anonymous lady [[droning on and on]]: And so when my kids would scream I would drink more bla bla bla
/ Marilyn: [[thought bubble]] Get me out of here! / [[back home]]
/ Tix: How was your meeting?
/ Marilyn: I SOOOOO need a fucking drink! http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/03/aa-meeting-results/ |
| Escape from the Zombies | Zombies: [[coming around corner]] Brains mmmmm?
/ Tix: [[hasn't seen them yet, whistles a note]] / Zombies: [[close up]] Brains?. Brains. / [[Later, at home without a scratch]]
/ Tix: It's like they couldn't even smell me. Do you suppose the invisibility cloak is smellproof?
/ Susan: Zombies want BRAINS, Tix. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/07/immune-to-zombies/ |
| When all else fails try email | Tix: Did you see the previous comic, Susan? You were in it!
/ Susan: No, 'cuz... how'm I supposed to know when a new one comes out? / Tix: [[annoyed]] You'd think my BEST FRIEND would at least subscribe to the feed!
/ Susan: [[freaked computer user face]] I clicked that RSS thingy but it festered. How do I work it? / Tix: [[hand pointing to computer]] No way am I going to explain that. Your eyes would glaze over like last time. Here, just click the email icon, then everyone will be happy. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/10/when-all-else-fails-try-email/ |
| Christmas Science | [[Tix and Jorge are in the back seat.]]
/ Tix: I'm not so sure about the "good" kids getting the best presents.
/ Jorge: Me either. It seems the biggest brats score the best stuff / [[Data sheet with kids' names, badness ratings, and present quality]]
/ Tix: (offstage) Let's do some science. / [[Scatter plot of data in previous frame]]
/ Jorge: Now we put it in Excel and plot it.
/ Tix: This suggests a different strategy for next year. / {{Tix and Jorge speculate that in fact the bad kids get the best presents and do a scientific experiment to prove their hypothesis.}} http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/14/christmas-hypothesis/ |
| Campaign of Evil | William [[crouching down to kid level]]: I saw your little scatter plot, kids. If you're old enough to do that you need to know the truth about Santa. / Jorge [[holding Shel Silverstein book]]: That's so preschool. Dad. We already know all about Santa.
/ Tix: [[holding Horrid Henry book]]: Besides, the source is irrelevant. This is about results! / [[Jorge is reading Constance and Tiny]]
/ Tix: [[reading Addanac City comic]]: Parental Units, brace yourselves for a campaign of evil that will make Hank Addanac look like Mother Teresa. http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/16/campaign-of-evil/ |
| Warm up for Evil | [[dog is pooping]] / [[Jorge is scooping up the poop and has a jar in his hand. What a good boy cleaning up the back yard.]] / [[The jar of poop shows up in the pantry labelled "peanut butter."]] http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/20/warm-up-for-evil/ |
| Healthy Snacks | Tix: Burp! All this holiday food gut bomb.... I truly crave something healthy. / Tix: Aaaah. There we go. Sunflower sprouts. So yummy. [[Nom Nom]] / {{Later that night, Tix is in bed.}} Sunflower: [[with knife]] You ate my babies! Vengeance will be mine! http://comix.dorkage.net/2010/12/31/healthy-snacks/ |
| "Mature" geek job interview | Tim: I actively seek mature job applicants. They tend not to act rashly, they are more polite... / Tim: they don't demand special treatment, they have better attendance, and most of all, then tend not to leave for another job. / Tix: Yes, hehe, it's such a positive thing to be appreciated. / Tix: [[outside, while getting in car and making vomit face]] Translation: Old geeks are so fucking glad to have a job they'll behave, work hard for peanuts, and no chance some "good" job is going to suck them away. http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/03/mature-geek-job-interview/ |
| Am I a "fit"? | Abe [[on phone]]: This is Abe from Farty Poop. Tim was impressed with you so I'm just calling to see if you'd be a "fit."
/ Tix: What is your job there, Abe? / Abe: I'm director of creativity.
/ Tix: Cool! Can I see any of your work?
/ Abe: Well, I've only been here a month... / Tix: ummm, so, how do you decide if I'd be a fit?
/ Abe: I dunno. Would you?
/ Tix: Well if I was a real sphincter, would I tell you?
/ Abe: Haha, you're a fit.
/ Tix: [[thought bubble]] A dubious honor, smells like. / Tix: [[in bed, tossing and turning]] I just know I'm going to get offered the job at Farty Poop. Please! No! http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/06/am-i-a-fit/ |
| Look on the Bright Side | Tix: [[in car, enroute to new job]] This is the kind of job you should turn down. But damnit, I need a job. I know plenty of people who last a long time in jobs they hate. / Tim: Welcome to Farty Poop. This is Abe... you spoke to on the phone.
/ Abe: Hi. / Tix: [[thought bubble looking at Abe's workstation]] Wow, Abe has a pretty sweet workstation and at least $3K worth of software. And Abe's no spring chicken. Maybe this will be OK after all. http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/08/look-on-the-bright-side/ |
| Recycled Workstation | Tix: Nice Rig, Abe!
/ Abe: Yes. I need this because I'm creative.
/ Tix: And is there perhaps a workstation for me? / Tim: [[gesturing towards a pile of e-waste]] You should be able to build a working box out of these slightly older ones. / Tix: What if I just use my personal laptop?
/ Tim: No, because of security. Besides, linux can run on anything, no?
/ Tix: "Can" and "should" are not the same. But you're the boss. http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/10/recycled-workstation/ |
| Kid Humour | William [[nudging Sanchez in the ribs]]: That's what she said. {{*snicker}}
/ Sanchez: Ajaja! Didn't see that one coming! Ha ha ha!
/ [[Tix and Jorge are completely baffled]] / {{Tix and Jorge are sitting in a tree}}
/ Tix: Grownups make the dumbest jokes. Who would think that stuff was funny?
/ Jorge: Indeed. Now *WE* know what's funny. / {{Tix and Jorge are cavorting on the grass}}
/ Tix: Farty Pants!
/ Jorge: Poo Poo Head! hee hee hee. / Tix: Bowel Movement! Ha ha ha!
/ Jorge: Milk, milk, lemonade.... snicker http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/16/kid-humour/ |
| Straw Into Gold | Marilyn: He wants you to build a workstation out of that shit?? Ha ha!
/ Tix: {{holding up photo on phone}} Yup. / Marilyn: It would take *me* two days... MAYbe. And this is what I *do.* Here, take this. It's ten years newer than that shit. And it works. No charge. No one would pay for this clunker.
/ Tix: Thanks, Marilyn. / Tix: {{in car}} So, am I an incompetent that needs lots of help or a proactive pragmatic problem solver who does what it takes in a cost effective manner? http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/19/straw-into-gold/ |
| CRT Monitor | Tix: {{thought bubble}} Shit, I forgot to ask Marilyn for a monitor.
/ Tim: Here's some ethernet cable. It's a bit more up-to-date than the token ring you're probably used to. / Tix: {{from under the desk, thought bubble}} Jesus, just how fucking old does he think I am.
/ Tix: {{speaking aloud}} Um, Tim would you perhaps have a monitor for this rig?
/ Tim: I'm on it {{leaving room}} / Tim: {{back with old CRT monitor}} This monitor flickers a bit but it's good most of the time. / Tim: Abe needs a good monitor, but this will do for admin.
/ Tix: Admin??? You said this was a DEVELOPER job! http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/24/crt-monitor/ |
| Monitor from Hell | Tix: [[thought bubble]] I come in to work well caffeinated, energetic and ready to rock. / Tix: [[thought bubble]] By 10 o'clock I that flickering monitor has given me a splitting headache. / Tix: [[thought bubble]] By 11:00 I'm a drooling idiot. I attempt to self-medicate with more caffeine. / Tix: [[thought bubble]] Then Abe offers sympathy.
/ Abe: PMS again?
/ Tix: Nooooo...
/ Abe: Don't be embarrassed. http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/27/monitor-from-hell/ |
| Lunchtime at Farty Poop | Tim: I hate brussel sprouts.
/ Abe: I hate tofu!
/ Tim: Oh, and I hate Brie.
/ Abe: I really hate split pea soup! / Tix: I can't eat pork. / Tim: What! What are you, some kind of a liberal hippie? http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/01/31/lunchtime-at-farty-poop/ |
| Suck it down | Tim: The master is called "Master," and the slave is called "Slave." Please get a local copy of the database.
/ Tix: Through the network? You know how BIG that thing is? / Tix: Wouldn't it be better if they did it at the data center and fedexed it to me? / Tim: I don't think so. You know what those guys hourly rate is? / Tix: {{thought bubble}} Definitely. I'm heinously underpaid. {{spoken aloud}} OK. I'm on it. http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/02/07/suck-it-down/ |
| In the Dumps | Tix: {{thought bubble}} better verify the master/slave info. Dumping Master would be BAD! / Tix: {{to herself}} OK, that's fine. Now to find a drive big enough to put all this data / Tix: {{thought bubble}} Here goes nothing!
/ Terminal: Dump slave. Dump initiating / Tim: {{on phone}} What the hell are you doing dumping the master? You've locked everyone out of the database!
/ Tix: {{thought bubble}} WTF??!! http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/02/09/in-the-dumps/ |
| Whodunnit? | Tix: Two days later you now have a sync'd local copy.
/ Tim: I knew I could count on a "seasoned veteran" to get it done (eventually.) / Tim: But you can get yourself fired for a move like switching server names. I'm giving you a bye this time because you're new.
/ Tix: {{mumbling}} I didn't rename any servers. Grrrr! / Tix: Here's my terminal log and the matching server log entries. Verify and dump. Period.
/ Tim: But the server log shows renames in between. / Tix: Who admins the logs?
/ Tim: We do.
/ Tix: Why did you cook the logs?
/ Tim: Why did you rename the boxes? http://comix.dorkage.net/2011/02/13/whodunnit/ |