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| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - The Staircase | {{Edmund's Journal: We found the mountain's stairs...}} / [[Edmund and the Knight stand at the bottom of a long, upward staircase.]] / Knight: Wow, long staircase. / [[A figure comes down the staircase.]] / Figure: Hey! Move! Make way for the slinky race!! / [[Two men in '20s style press clothing stand next to Edmund and the Knight.]] / Man 1: Here they come! / Man 2: It's the final stretch! / [[Slinkies come down the stairs.]] / Man 1: Oh boy oh boy it's gonna be a close one, Charlie! / [[Man 2 crouches with a Polaroid camera.]] / Man 2: Photo finish!! / [[Man 2 shown from a distance, in a flash from the camera.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/04/26/the-staircase/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - A Store in the Mountain | {{Edmund's Journal: We came to the first landing while climbing the stairs up the mountain...}} / [[Edmund and the Knight stand on a landing, where a man has erected a booth called, "Honest John's Impractical Outlet".]] / Honest John: Welcome to Honest John's Impractical Outlet, where our products are as impractical as our location!" / [[Honest John holds a pair of rollerblades.]] / Honest John: How about a pair of rollerblades so you can zoom right up all those stairs! / [[Honest John holds up a bowling ball bag and a set of bowling pins.}} / Edmund: Right, I don't see how that -- / Honest John: How about a bowling set, for entertainment on the way up?! / [[Honest John holds a roll of paper.]] / Edmund: That's also not very practical... / Honest John: How about this handy guide, which tells you *exactly* where you are at all times? / Edmund: Actually, that sounds quite useful! I'll take it. / [[Edmund holds the paper open while Honest John takes his money.]] / Honest John: Thanks! / [[The paper simply says, "You are here."]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: It wasn't nearly as expensive as the overwater SCUBA equipment he tried to sell me.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/04/29/a-store-in-the-mountain/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Waiting | [[Edmund and the Knight stand in front of a door with a sign saying, "Dragon's Lair. no soliciting."]] / Knight: Well, here goes... / [[They enter a waiting room, where 4 knights sit, reading books and newspapers or napping. A sign says, "Now Serving 27".]] / Knight: There's a waiting room?! / Waiting Knight: Uh, yeah. You think you're the only one who wants to confront the dragon? Take a number. / [[Edmund and the Knight sit.]] / Knight: I hate waiting rooms. I always think the seats are dirty.
/ Waiting Knight {{from off-panel}}: Metal pants, dude.
/ [[Knight reads a Highlights magazine.]] / Knight: Ugh, these magazines are meant to make the wait more comfortable but they never really do. / [[A page from the magazine shows 2 pictures: one has a dragon and 4 knights. The other shows the dragon, but all of the knights are on the ground, on fire. The title reads, "Can you spot the four differences?"]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: The magazines were also unacceptably out of date, and that was coming from men wearing plate armor.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/03/waiting/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Facing the Dragon | {{Edmund's Journal: The knights and I were called into the dragon's lair...}} / [[Edmund and the Knight enter an auditorium setting. A dragon stands on the stage with a sign saying, "Make millions".]] / Dragon: It's great that I get this chance to show you how to make millions if you have drive, passion, and the right go-gettitude! / Dragon: And you know I'm legit because I'm confidently pacing and wearing this cool headset! Stacy, first slide, please. / [[The dragon stands before a large screen that says, "PLAN: -Lure Suckers to lair for presentation, -Convince them they can become millionaires by selling junk to their friends and family".]] / [[Edmund and the Knight look at each other skeptically.]]
/ Dragon: Oh, wait, those are internal notes, please ignore those... / [[The dragon plays with the controller.]] / Dragon: heh-um, lemme figure this out, uh... / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/06/facing-the-dragon/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - At the Stream | {{At the foot of the mountain, I came to a stream...}} / [[Edmund stands at the edge of a stream.]] / [[A man crouches on a rock in the middle of the stream. A tent is erected behind him.]] / Man: Hey, stranger! Welcome to a taping of my reality show! / Man: Yessir, out here it's just me and the elements! / [[Man whacks the water with a stick.]] / Man: Watch... with this pocket knife tied to a stick... / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/10/at-the-stream/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - The Wonder Blade | [[Edmund walks past a booth titled, "Wonder Blade". A small sign says, "Buy it, jerk!"]] / Seller: Hey, smart shopper! How about a Wonder Blade, the only kitchen cutting utensil you'll ever need! / [[Seller uses the knife to cut through a boot.]] / Seller: Look how easily it cuts through this tough leather boot! / [[Seller cuts a can.]] / Seller: And then right through this tin can like butter! / [[Seller holds a book out to Edmund.]] / And if you buy today, I'll throw in *for free* my latest cookbook! / [[The book is titled, "The Joys of Cooking: boots & cans."]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: Chapter One was titled, "Sole Food."}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/13/the-wonder-blade/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - In the Forest | [[Edmund walks alone.]] / [[Edmund meets Smokey the Bear in pants and ranger hat.]]
/ Smokey: Hello, only *you* can prevent forest fires. / [[A lady comes up to them, enraged.]] / Lady: Hey!! You told me only *I* can prevent forest fires! / Smokey: Correct. Only *you* can prevent forest fires. / [[Man pops out from behind a tree.]] / Man: So you were lying when you told *me* only *I* could prevent forest fires? / Smokey: No. Only *you* can prevent forest fires. / Lady: But you just said that only I can! / Smokey: Correct. Only *you* can prevent-- / Lady {{yelling}}: Give it up, Smokes! You've been caught in your web of lies, you lousy bear!! / [[A park ranger joins the group.]] / Ranger: Hey, how about some kudos for us teaching a bear to talk for Pete's sake?! / Lady: Maybe you should have taught him honesty as well?! / Ranger: No, we taught that to Truthie the Duck. / Duck: It seems like you're an easy person to dislike. / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: The woman was soon told that only she could prevent being attacked by a bear.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/18/in-the-forest/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/24/zombie-watching/?utm_source=scribol.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=scribol.com">http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/24/zombie-watching/?utm_source=scribol.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=scribol.com | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Gordon’s Frozen Fish | [[A truck carrying "Gordon's Frozen Fish" passes Edmund.]] / [[Edmund watches as a herd of children rushes at the truck.]] / [[The truck stops and opens like an ice cream truck. The children line up, holding money.]] / [[The truck drives away. The children all hold fish on sticks, eating them like popsicles.]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: I was tempted to try a codsicle.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/05/27/gordons-frozen-fish/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Ambulance Chaser | [[Edmund sees a man in a tie crouching in a runner's stance.]] / Edmund: May I ask what you're doing? / Man: I'm an ambulance chaser. With each great injury comes a great lawsuit. / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/03/ambulance-chaser/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Guest Comic: Aidan Casserly of SCAPULA | {{Guest comic called "Scapula" by Aidan Casserly.}} / [[Edmund sits against a wall with a man in a cloak and large fedora.]] / Edmund: So why do you have a skull for a face, anyway?
/ Man: ...ugh... / Edmund: Why exactly do you dress up like a skeleton?
/ Man Just because. / Edmund: Are you trying to be scary? Why are you trying to be scary? / Man: Just because. / Edmund: You don't really seem so scary.
/ Man: ... / Edmund: Why are you wearing heavy black leather if you've been running after trains? / Man: Just because! / Edmund: Wouldn't it make more sense if you just got yourself a car on a reasonable payment plan instead of hopping trains dressed like a skeleton? / Man: Why do you keep asking so many assy questions? / Edmund {{yelling}}: 'cuz I feel like it, punk! / [[Edmund shoves the man.]] / [[The man falls off of the train track.]] / Edmund: Human fool! Raa ha ha ha ha ha haaa!!! / Man: NEE-YAAAAARGH! / [[Man hits the ground face first.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/07/guest-comic-aidan-casserly-of-scapula/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Leroy’s Jogging Suits | {{Edmund's Journal: Leroy's Latex Iced-Tea-Filled Jogging Suits. The more you drink, the faster you'll run!}} / [[A man is shown jogging in a clear suit filled with liquid. He drinks the liquid from a straw.]] / [[Edmund comes across a stand called "Leroy's", with a sign explaining, "The more you drink, the faster you'll run!" Plastic suits hang on a rack.]] / Leroy: Hey, buy a latex jogging suit filled with refreshing iced tea! / Leroy: There's nothing like the cooling of iced tea on your bare skin, and you can take sips from the built-in straw as needed! / Edmund: But it seems like after enough sips, you'd have the police after you for indecent exposure. / [[The man gestures to his sign.]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: The ice-water-filled suits were for those who wanted to sprint from the get-go.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/10/leroys-jogging-suits/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Supply and Demand | [[A giant statue of a grotesque clown stands holding two signs. One says, "There is no Santa." The other, "Because I ATE HIM." Just behind the statue, a well-dressed man stands passing out business cards next to a sign saying, "Dr. Langston Child Therapist. Please take a card." A traumatized mother and son walk away from the scene, wide-eyed and holding the business card.]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: There was also a flamethrower store down the street that did pretty well for itself.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/14/supply-and-demand/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Achievement | [[Edmund comes across a man.]] / Man: Today's my lucky day, stranger! / Man: I saw a story about a guy who started out with a paperclip and, through a series of thrifty trades, ended up with a new house! / [[Man holds up paperclip.]] / Man: And today I found this paperclip: the first step on the road to riches. / [[A balloon man joins the group. The man threatens him with the paperclip.]] / Man: Gimme your wallet, balloon man!! / Balloon Man: Okay, take it! / [[The man grabs the wallet.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/17/achievement/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - The OK Corranch | [[Edmund enters the "O.K. Corranch". A man dressed in cowboy attire sleeps on the city sign. The buildings and decoration look like an Western ranch.]] / Edmund: Excuse me, sir, may I-- / Cowboy: Yer enterin' the O.K. Corranch! / Cowboy: You ain't seen tough 'til you seen us men o' the O.K. Corranch! / Edmund: ...How tough are you guys? / [[The cowboy holds up a finger.]] / [[The cowboy breaks the finger without flinching.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/21/the-ok-corranch/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Planning Ahead | [[A man in an old-timey suit and top hat confronts Edmund.]] / Man: What d'you want on your tombstone? / Edmund: Do I need one? / Man: This is a tough and dangerous town, stranger. We prepare for the worst. / [[The man points to a pile of tombstones.]] / Edmund: Now, we can custom-make your tombstone, or you can pick from our frequently-used epitaphs. / [[A tombstone reads, "Here lies _____. We couldn't remove the barstool from his spleen."]] / [[Another tombstone reads, "Here lies _____. He didn't survive thirty years."]] / Edmund: Wow, thirty years is common? / Man: Whoops, typo! / [[The man scribbles on the tombstone.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/24/planning-ahead/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Saloon Policy | [[Edmund peeks into a building called, "Tough Guy Saloon." A cowboy naps out front.]] / Cowboy: Hey! No entry into a bar *this* tough without a gun! / Edmund: I don't own one... / [[The cowboy offers a gun to Edmund.]] / Cowboy: Here, take a house gun. You know how to use one of these? / Edmund: No. / Cowboy: If someone threatens your life, you point and shoot. If someone looks at you funny, you point and shoot. / Cowboy: If someone says, "Gee, we sure have been having some nice weather lately," you point and shoot. / Edmund: ...Is there any situation where you *won't* point and shoot? / Cowboy: Yeah, if you're the guy who just commented on the weather. / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: The saloon had a heck of an insurance policy.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/06/28/saloon-policy/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - In The Saloon | {{Edmund's Journal: "The Tough Guy Saloon" had the toughest guys I'd seen.}} / [[Edmund sits at the bar with a drink.]] / [[The bartender stands near the saloon door.]] / Bartender: Floyd! / [[A cowboy (Floyd) is playing cards.]] / Floyd: What? / Bartender: Your horse is parked in a handicap spot, and *you* ain't handicapped! / [[Floyd pulls out a gun.]] / [[Floyd points the gun at his knee and shoots.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/07/01/in-the-saloon/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - The Patrons | [[A boot bursts through the saloon door.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/07/08/the-patrons/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - The Menu | {{Edmund's Journal: In the Tough Guy Saloon, even the menu was only for the toughest...}} / [[A man sits at a table, looking at a menu.]] / Cowboy: Gimme a steak... ULTRA-RARE! / [[The waiter brings over a covered plate.]] / Waiter: Here you are, sir. / [[The waiter lifts the lid.]] / Waiter: Bon app?tit! / [[A bull sits on the table.]] / [[Over the next three panels, the bull destroys the table and the cowboy.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/07/12/the-menu/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - A Tough Hello | [[A man walks into the Tough Guy Saloon.]] / Messenger: Shooting telegram for Mikey the Kid! / [[Several men sit at a table.]] / Mikey: Hey, that's me! / Messenger: (Ahem) ..."Dear Mikey, Ma and Pa miss you back at the farm." / [[The messenger reaches for his gun.]] / Messenger {{still reading}}: "We hope you're doing well. Additionally," / [[The messenger starts shooting with both hands.]] / < http://eqcomics.com/2011/07/15/a-tough-hello/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Acting Tough | {{Edmund's Journal}}: I figured that in order to relate to the tough guys in the saloon, I'd have to demonstrate toughness... / [[Edmund sits with several cowboys at the bar.]] / Edmund: Barkeep, I'll take your toughest shot, please. / [[The cowboys next to him go crazy.]] / Cowboys: YEEEE HAWWW / [[The bartender, dressed in full haz-mat suit pours a shot.]] / [[The bartender lays a running chainsaw next to the shot.]] / Bartender: If it gets too intense, you can chase it with this. / Edmund: Maybe instead I'll get an appletini decorated with an extra-tough parasol. / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: The toughest shot used to be from an actual gun, but the bar discontinued that since afterwards, nobody ever paid their tab.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/07/19/acting-tough/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Tough Stories | {{Edmund's Journal: I was able to relate to the tough guys in the saloon by recounting tough experiences I'd had. I told them I survived days in the desert alone. And that I was maimed by a 9-foot monster.}} / [[Edmund sits at a table with several other cowboys. His arms are raised as he recounts his travels.]] / Cowboy 1: Yeah, that's tough, but one time I took a nap right in the path of a stampede! / Cowboy 2: Oh yeah? One time I ran from a flame while holding a leaky barrel of gunpowder and running into a swarm of hornets with my eyes taped open and my mouth full of fire ants! / Cowboy 3: Oh yeah? One time I lured a bunch of rabid bears and venomous snakes into an old building, then locked myself inside and armed the exits with explosives so there was no escape! / Edmund: How'd that turn out? / Cowboy 3: We'll see! / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: Unfortunately for the saloon, it happened to be safety inspection day.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/07/22/tough-stories/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - An Arrest | {{Edmund's Journal: A cowboy was being arrested for making a fake bomb threat...}} / [[A sheriff is cuffing a cowboy.]] / Sheriff: That's a hangin'! / Edmund: Just for that? / [[The sheriff grabs Edmund.]] / Sheriff: Looks like we're gonna have us a double hangin'!! / Edmund: That's rather unwarranted. / Sheriff: Triple hangin'! You want another one? / Edmund: I'm not sure how that makes sense... / Sheriff: Quadruple hangin'! / Edmund: Doesn't this seem a bit cruel and unusual? / Sheriff: You want cruel and unusual? I'll show you cruel and unusual!! / [[The sheriff rips apart the artwork of a small child.]] / Sheriff: Your macaroni art stinks!! / [[The sheriff is inside of a burlap sack.]] / Sheriff: Now I'm wearing my pants where my hat should be and a potato sack full of gelatin where my pants should be! / Edmund {{to the cowboy}}: Is this guys the sheriff or the town drunk? / Cowboy: Yes. / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: I heard the worst sentence he ever dealt out was a septuple hanging with no chance of parole.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/02/an-arrest/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - A Local Legend | [[Edmund, the sheriff, and the arrested cowboy all sit in the sheriff's office.]] / Sheriff: I hate to be the bearer of good news, but we ain't gonna be hangin' you two. Our executioner has been missing for years. / [[The sheriff narrates a flashback of a man on the gallows, ready for hanging.]] / Sheriff: ...Long ago, a witch who was about to be hanged cursed the executioner. / Sheriff: Lightening suddenly hit the gallows! Nobody has seen the executioner since. / Sheriff: Some say he was banished to a ledge atop Mount Grim. / [[Out of flashback.]] / Sheriff: ...Others say he's sitting right next to me this very second eating a hamburger. / [[The scenes pulls out to show the executioner next to the sheriff, eating a hamburger.]] / Sheriff: Truth is, we may never know. / Edmund: I think it's probably that second one you said. / Sheriff: Wha--? / Sheriff: Hugo! What have you been up to? / Hugo: Well, it's funny you should *axe* me that! I've just been *Hanging* around, coming up with executioner puns! / Hugo: I have two so far. / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: I got on the executioner's good side when I told him I needed to beheading out soon.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/06/a-local-legend/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - A Long Project | {{Edmund's Journal: The executioner invited me to see the project he'd been working on for years...}} / [[Edmund and Hugo the executioner walk, talking.]] / Hugo: Here it is! / [[Hugo and Edmund stand in front of a large amusement park called "Guillotown."]] / Hugo: My own theme park! / [[The ticketing booth has a sign that reads, "Admission $25. We accept check or charge. Or for faster payment, leave Guillotwon $25 in your will."]] / Hugo: ...Not many customers yet for some reason. Think it's the pricing? / Edmund: I think you're close... / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: He said he had already slashed costs. He added that his former account, Steve Costs, will be missed.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/09/a-long-project/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Some Attractions | {{Three panels show different scenes from the amusement park. The title to them says, "Welcome to Executioner Alley."}} / [[A man is dressed in a stockade costume. A sign on the tent behind him reads, "Feed the lions."]] / [[Two executioners stand at weight-guessing booths. One has a sign that reads, "Guess your body weight." The other, "Guess your head weight."]] / [[Edmund stands at the ride "The Clipper". A sign says, "You must be at least this short to survive this ride."]] / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: I wasn't bothered by the "onlookers may get soaked" sign until I realized there was no water.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/13/some-attractions/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Pick a Box | {{Edmund's Journal: The executioner theme park had some game booths...}} / [[Edmund stands at a game called "Pick a Box" with Hugo the executioner. Multiple boxes sit before him.]] / Hugo: You close your eyes and stick your hand in a box. Three of them are meat grinders, and the fourth is also a meat grinder! / Edmund: ...Is there a point to this? / Hugo: Sure! Lots of them. / Hugo: Sharp, metal ones. / Hugo: Because of all the meat grinders. / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: I suddenly regretted eating that sausage at the next booth over...}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/16/pick-a-box/ |
| Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life - Applicants | {{Edmund's Journal: I was curious as to where they found all the employees for the executioner theme park.}} / Hugo: In *this* economy? We have so many applicants we can barely keep them under control! / [[A line of executioners stand in a line. All of them hold sharp objects pointed at the person ahead of them in line.]] / Bouncer Executioner: Hey you in the black hood! / [[All the executioners freeze, since they all have black hoods.]] / Bouncer Executioner: Read the sign! / [[They all look at a sign stating, "No cutting in line."]] / [[All the executioners looked ashamed and disappointed.]]
/ Crowd: Awwww... / ~~~ / {{Journal Reflection: I learned that those who weren't team players immediately got the axe.}} http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/20/applicants/ |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/23/the-first-interview/#comments">http://eqcomics.com/2011/09/23/the-first-interview/#comments | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
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