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Grayling - Saturday, July 3, 2004 - Page 397 Mid: You're..a halfling. / Rae: Mmm hm. / Mid: Okay..Uhm...Do you...have any...problems? You know...physically? / That I should know about? / Rae: ....I had flat feet when I was little. Cal fixed them. Otherwise, no. / Mid: Okay..good. That's good. / Mid: {thinking} Well....This is awkward. As halflings go, he really doesn't look that bad... / He's symmetrical, no extra limbs, and he's just as handsome, aside from...the ears... / But he's going to jump over every word out of my mouth..How can I be sincere in a way he can't ignore? If he weren't so serious, it'd be hilarious... / Mid: Well..It really does suit you, Rae. A lot of things...make sense to me now. / Rae: What do you mean? Like what? / Mid: Uh..Sometimes you make this purring sound-- / Rae: Oh.
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Grayling - Sunday, July 4, 2004 - page 398 Mid: Rae, it's not the end of the world... / Rae: I'm not saying it IS, but how would you like it, being stuck like this?! All the rest of you can attain perfect form, and here I have to put up with being perpetually...this, I can't even pull off a proper species in an ILLUSION because I PURR. / Mid: Who put these ideas into your head? Was it Cal? / Rae: No...Cal's always liked the way I look... / Mid: Then where?! / Rae: LOOK, I'm NOT an idiot, I KNOW what mortals think because of what Lem TOLD them. Just because CAL can stand me doesn't make it acceptable -- look at the OTHER things he likes. / Mid: Rae, if anyone believes that "perfect form" crap, they're IDIOTS and you don't want to know them anyway. / Mid: You gave me a chance, and you know what? I'm not one of them. / Mid: Lem HIMSELF has got to know it's a load of poppycock...People hear 'survival of the fittest' and assume that means that anything alive is therefore perfect. But life is rife with mistakes, flaws, imperfections. There is no such THING as perfect form, even people who breed NECCOS for a hobby know that their standards are essentially make-believe. It's hardly a basis for one's self-esteem. / Rae: So what you're saying is... I'm not ugly, but I'm stupid for listening to them? / Mid: Actually, yes. / Rae: *siiigh*
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Grayling - Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - page 399 Mid: Seriously, Rae, it's not that bad... / Mid: But I guess you're not going to believe me anytime soon. / Are you? / Mid: ....Are you covered in fuzz? / Rae: Fur-- / Mid: Can I touch??? / Rae: Seeing as you already are... / Mid: You're so soft... / Rae: Um...yeah... / Mid: All right, Rae... / Mid: I know you're uncomfortable about this, still. I've told you what I think...so you should go now and think about it, all right? / Rae: You want me to leave?! / Mid: I'm not rejecting you. When you're ready NOT to be rejected, you can come back. How about that? / Rae: ...Oh. / Mid: I'll see you soon.
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Grayling - Tuesday, July 27, 2004 - Page 400 AT HOME. / Fern: Well I would say that was a successful mission... even if it did take 2 years to get those bloody villagers to leave their VOLCANIC, LAVA-EXUDING island... / Fern: All's well that ends well. Now we can lie around, drink, and eat milanos. / Smoke: We've been gone for two years. / Fern: Oh...yeah, lazing proceeds making the house liveable again. That goes without saying. I hate always coming home to a neglected house... / Fern: ...Oy. Waitasec. It's clean. And somebody's opened a window.... and turned on lights! / Smoke: There's a stranger here. *sniff sniff* / Fern: ...Hello? Cal, are you up? / Fern: YOU'RE NOT CAL! / Smoke: I SAID there was a stranger... / Asne: Hello-- I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in.
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Grayling - Wednesday, August 4, 2004 Asne: You must be Fern. / Fern: That's right... / Asne: It's good to meet you at last. Cal has told me so much about you. / Fern: Oh. Uh.. That's nice. Where IS Cal, anyway? / Asne: I think he's attending to some elemental business. He asked me to wat here. / Fern: I see. And you are...? / Asne: Asne. I suppose it's no suprise he hasn't mentioned me to you... / Fern: Er.. I've been gone awhile. / Fern: He has told you who he is, hasn't he...? / Asne: Oh yes. He didn't tell me when we first met, but it didn't take long for me to figure it out. / Fern: We're not easy to miss... / Asne: Heh.. No. / Fern: Wait... You're one of the free people, aren't you? / Asne: Yes! Cal knew that right away, too... How do you tell? / Fern: If you're aligned to an elemental, you have a certain... Aura, I suppose. A spark. / Fern: Free people lack that. It's.. rather odd, actually, to see someone without one. / Fern: Anyway, I thought you people weren't s'posed to BELIEVE in elementals. / Asne: I know Cal as a person.. not an elemental. But I'm a moderate. / Fern: Huh.... That's.. strangely refreshing. Do you mind if I eat cream? / Smoke: Offer her some, Fern. / Fern: Oh, and would you like some too? / Asne: Heh, yes please.
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Grayling - Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - Page 402 [VOICEOVER] / Fern: That was the first time I met Asne... we talked for several hours-- about Faidian politics, mostly. It would turn out to be the first of many other nights like it. (Cal makes people wait for him all the time :P) / Fern: Understandably, I was a bit flummoxed at first by the whole thing. / [/VOICEOVER] / Fern: A girlfriend! CAL HAS A GIRLFRIEND! Why don't /I/ have a girlfriend?! / Smoke: It might have to do with how you tell anyone who flirts with you to perform unspeakable acts on themselves. / [VOICEOVER] / Fern: But, as unbelievable as it might seem, we had bigger fish to fry at the time. / Fern: Faidia had fallen into a world-wide drought. Forests were giving way to wasteland. Viv, Fola, and I were stuck out on the field most of the time, with occasional input from Ell and Funa, who stayed at Tower with the computers. / Fern: Fola was well enough to work, but he was fairly unpleasant to look at... They were trying to salvage his damaged eye, but it looked like a lost cause. We didn't ask, he didn't tell. Anyway.. you can tell a lot, without words. When he came back, what was left of his hair had been turned stark white. / Fern: No one knew why the weather was screwed up... Fola, Viv and I all had a hand in the weather-- precipitation, temperature, and so forth. All of our elements merged in the weather. It's impossible to trace a problem back to a single source with such a complicated, mercurial system. Playing detective or shrink, you might see Fola, looking like something the cat dragged in and dragged back out again... And Viv, he'd never smile when he was by himself, and you could practically smell the anger, like brine, on his breath. And then of course, me. / Fern: We worked though. Always, we worked. We got along okay when it was just us. / Fern: The years tottered by, and things started looking up. The drought ended.... / Fern: There was no way we could have known what happened next.
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Grayling - Saturday, September 4, 2004 A FOREST FAR SOUTH OF TOWER / [VOICEOVER] / Fern: It started while I was still out working with Viv and Fola... / [/VOICEOVER] / Viv: Ah, I just love the great outdoors. I can remember when this forest wasn't here.. What? Don't you think it's marvelous? / Fern: If I didn't know how much work went into it, and if I hadn't burned down fifty other like it in the past ten years, maybe. / Viv: They weren't like this one, they were dead. Mostly. / Fern: YOU'RE going to be mostly dead if one more guest arrives. / Viv: I didn't ask them here...! / Fern: And I suppose you don't drink out of the pickle jar, either. Tell them to beat it. We're camped out for the night, not throwing a party. / Viv: Don't be rude, Fern.. They came to help... / Fern: They CAME to get in the way! / Viv: But MELCEYS, Fern! They're such agreeable company, and so entertaining. / Fern: You're.. a little bit special, Viv. They. Are. MELCEYS. If anyone is going to be entertained, it's them.
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Grayling - Saturday, September 11, 2004 - page 404 Viv: So, we'll give them a bedtime story. Your storytelling abilities are renowned far and wide, Fern. / Fern: Stories later. Scuttlebutt now. / Fern: What's this I hear about the halfling facilities? / Viv: On that account, Fola would be the little bird to ask. But what about from your quarter? / Fern: What ABOUT my quarter? / Viv: C'mon, you can't have missed all the rumors about... the woman. The free woman? / Fern: Oh, Asne, Those rumors are nothing new; none of them are true, of course. The truth is never as exciting as your typical tower gossip. / Viv: I hear she's a political upstart. / Fern: If you mean she has her own opinions, yeah, she is. / Viv: I intend no harm, I just think certain events of late are... well, I wanted your opinion. / Viv: Is she aware of how much danger she's put herself in, consorting with Cal? / Fern: I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times. But.... well, starcrossed, and all that... / Fern: Hey, what do you mean, 'certain events'? Do you know something I don't?
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Grayling - Saturday, September 18, 2004 - Page 405 Viv: Hm... well, as you mentioned the halfling facilities are-- / Fola: Two months ago there was a mortal political convention at Tower. Its purpose was to select administrators for the halfling suffrage movement and discuss funding. / Viv: I heard about that-- it was the first Tower convention to permit representatives of the free people, as ordered by Lem! / Fola: Asne was among those who attended that convention. / Fern: No, Fola, that isn't possible. Asne can't have gone--mortals who enter Tower are automatically, magically bound to Tower law. She knows that, no free person would set FOOT in Tower! / Fola: Nevertheless, she did. / Fola: All guests went through a formal registration process. She did not even attempt to hide her presence. / Viv: Lem has made certain promises. These free people entered into the contract on their own accord. / Fern: Now wait a minute. Why are you telling me this? Why should I trust information from a Lemaneriallian? / Fola: Lem ordered me specifically to look at the guest log for Asne's name, and to identify her in the crowd. He's taken a special interest in her. / Viv: And if Lem does anything to her, it could mean war. Then we're ALL involved-- for the worst. / Fola: As he said. Lem has given me no insight into his plans, or even that I should keep any secrets pertaining to her. / Fola: But something untoward is in the air. If Lem hurts this woman, we can say goodbye to all our work, not to mention the suffrage movement.
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Grayling - Sunday, September 26, 2004 - page 406 AT ANNELCEY'S / Mid: Hmm.. / Delye: Is that a letter from... Fern? / Delye: Is he coming to visit? / Mid: Why are you so fond of him? He calls you a lunatic.. among other things. / Delye: I don't mind. I AM a lunatic. / Delye: He has such pretty eyes, and his hair looks like a flower.. a flower with fresh, newly opened pistils... / Delye: I could munch on it all day long... / Mid: His... pistils... right. Well, it's your lucky day. He writes he's coming tomorrow. / Mid: But my letter to Fola came back again.. / Delye: Why do you write that guy? He's the reason you're here! / Mid: Fern says he's with him, so maybe he hasn't answered cause he's busy... / Mid: ...You don't know how true that is... My mom.. My biological mother, Ell, told me if it wasn't for Fola, Lem would have had me killed.. He reasoned with him, so that instead Ell left me as a foal on a farm.. / Mid: He did it for Ell.. A lot of things changed since... / Mid: If it wasn't for hm, I wouldn't exist.. but... / Delye: He was like your dad huh?? / Mid: My biological dad was a horse. I lived with him a little while, but I don't remember it... / Mid: I doubt you'd understand any of this stuff.. I guess Fola's the closest thing to a father I have.. but it's.. weird... / Delye: Hello. I am but a dog shadow puppet. But even I know that an aksandriate has a rhizome for a parent. / Delye: So don't talk to an akky about absentee parental units. / Mid: Could do without the sarcasm.
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Grayling - Sunday, October 3, 2004 - page 407 Delye: What DO you write to him? I don't write to any of the people who landed me in here... I'd dunno what to say to them. / Mid: I want him to know that I'm not angry, and that I don't... really blame him. I really wish they had waited.. before doing what they did... / Delye: If he cared about how you feel he wouldn't have kidnapped you for his dastardly 'mental purposes in the first place. / Delye: I recieved a personal apology from Lemanerial for what the space program did, and look where it got /me/. / Mid: This is different... / Delye: How? / Mid: Well, for one, Fola's not Lem. And two.. even if he doesn't care, it won't do any harm for me to make it know how I feel about it. I refuse to be more fuel for Lem's manipulations. / Mid: I don't think his punishment was justified... / Mid: And I can't help but feel responsible somehow... / Delye: Eehhhh. You're such a goodytwoshoes. / Mid: Personal apology from Lemanerial, huh? / Delye: Yeah... didn't even get a t-shirt. / Delye: But in person, he's kinda nice. I'm not mad at him. I just don't know him that well.
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Grayling - Monday, October 11, 2004 - page 408 THAT SAME NIGHT, AROUND 2 AM / *click click* / *wriggle* / Fern: Oh open up you son of a bitching door... / Fern: Ah--there. / Fern: There locks need to be changed... / Fern: Though I guess I should be grateful they weren't changed in my /absence/. / Fern: *flop* <-- exhausted / Fern: {Eyes a bottle of alcohol} / Fern: {Picks it up} Mmm. / Fern: {Sets it down} *clunk* / Cal: Well? Aren't you going to drink it? / Cal: And any others that you can find? / Fern: Haven't I told you it's rude to sneak up on people? / Fern: Oh wait, you GET OFF on being obnoxious. I suppose that doesn't apply to you, then. Silly me.
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Grayling - Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - page 409 Fern: Look, Cal. Believe it or not, I'm not here to quarrel with you. OR drink. / Fern: I had some spare time, so I thought I'd rest until morning. / Cal: ...You're not staying? / Fern: ...No. Just passing through. I have too much to do still, I can't be settling at home. Smoke's with Viv and Fola, taking up my slack... The weather's stabilized, by the way. / Cal: Glad to hear it. / Cal: Have you heard from Asne? / Fern: ....Why? I thought she was with you? / Cal: No. I've been looking for her. / Cal: You know something about it. / Fern: I don't know anything. I'm in the dark. / Fern: I gotta visit Mid early tomorrow, so I'm just gonna go to bed. / Cal: Don't you /dare/ turn your back on me while I'm speaking to you.
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Grayling - Wednesday, October 13, 2004 - page 410 Cal: You're a terrible liar, Fern. I don't NEED to access your thoughts. I don't know why you still bother trying. / Fern: It's not a bother. It's instinct. I can't tell you-- I don't know enough yet. / Cal: Are you plotting against her? Is that why she ran away? / Fern: Asne ran away?! / Cal: I haven't seen her for months. I've checked her home, her relatives.... nothing. / Fern: She's not-- / Cal: NO! She's not! I'm asking the questions here! / Cal: No more nonsense, what do you know that I don't? / Fern: All right, fine. I was... informed. / Fern: ...That Asne entered Tower. Three months ago. / Cal: ... I knew there was something strange about her... / Fern: So you've seen her since then? / Fern: What does it mean? / Cal: What do you care? / Fern: She's my friend! / Cal: Oh, /WELL/. Seeing as how your only source of social interaction stems from the pity your replacements have for you, then your concern is understandable. / Fern: ...Cal...you-- Whatever. What the fuck ever. I'm guessing, in your twisted estimation, I deserve that. Maybe you're right. Why not? What does matter, when you'll say about any stupid goddamn thing in the world just to make yourself feel better?
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Grayling - Thursday, October 14, 2004 - page 411 Cal: {Stares, shocked, at Fern} / Fern: I get it, Cal. I COMPREHEND your opinion, okay? You think I ENJOY staying where I'm unwanted? I would've left a long, long, LONG time ago, but I CAN'T. I /CAN'T/. And I can't change that. / Cal: ...You would have left me? / Fern: ...How can you say that like it's a fucking SURPRISE?! / Fern: Another LIFE LESSON for Callanerial--- when you EXPRESS INTENSE DISLIKE for a lover, what normally follows is SEPARATION. / Cal: But... / Fern: I don't mind listening to your bullshit insults. What I hate are your thoughts. / Fern: When you look at me-- all you think of are the-- /things/ you've done to me. I can't forget those things with you obsessing about them. I'm some blotto claustrophobe to you. A series of fuckups. Not Fern. / Fern: I'm not about to /plot/ anything. / Fern: It's over with. / Fern: Not like we had a chance.
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Grayling - Saturday, October 23, 2004 - page 412 Cal: But Fern.. Don't lie like that. / Fern: Lie? About what? / Cal: You wouldn't leave me, even if you could... / Fern: Aaaaaand why would that be? / Cal: You still like me. I know you do. You wouldn't leave. / Fern: ...Huh. / Fern: Once again, in your supreme ignorance of mortal convention, you still manage to make some kind of twisted sense... / Fern: Well, enough of this shit. I can't imagine going to bed now. I'll go out and help you look for Asne until morning. / Cal: All right.... / Cal: If you find her, bring her back here, call me, and stay with her until I return. / Fern: Yeah, yeah, I get it.
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Grayling - Saturday, October 30, 2004 - page 413 [VOICEOVER] / Fern: You might wonder how I could manually find someone in one night when I had the entire planet to search in. / Fern: Few of the other 'mentals had to track non-branch members, but I'd figured it out... / Fern: Even Cal did it the long way. So I had a little advantage. / Fern: In any of the major cities, if you knew which alley to look down, you could find urchins who knew more about society people than they knew about themselves. / Fern: They observed and listened to adults. To live, they had to. Between Kurhe, Asize, and Tower, I could organize dozens of kids within hours. / Fern: Rumor has a magic of its own. Results were fast. / Fern: And bought for a song. / Fern: That's how I found Asne. Living in something of a hole in one of the Tower's lower districts, its nearest equivalent to slums. / Fern: I've gotten to be leery of hiding places like these.... / Fern: Gee, wonder why. / [/VOICEOVER] / Fern: Asne...? / Asne: All right. You found me. Please. Get it over with.
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Grayling - Monday, November 1, 2004 - page 14 Fern: Get... what over with? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost-- / Asne: Don't-- p-please just don't talk-- / Fern: Asne, stop, take a breath and tell me what the hell is wrong-- / Asne: I know you can't help it-- I'm sorry, I'm sorry-- / Asne: *hic* You never deserved th-this on top of everything e-else-- / Fern: Asne, STOP! I'm /not/ here to hurt you. Cal sent me to search for you, but I was just to detain you-- why in the world would you think I was going to...? / Asne: *hic* He hasn't told you, then.. / Fern: Not anything that would explain why you're hysterical, no... / Asne: I'm pregnant, Fern. / Fern: ...You have a mortal lover, now? / Asne: NO, Fern! It's Cal's! / Fern: Are.... you sure? / Asne: ...Yes, Fern, I'm sure. / Fern: But..But.... it's generally understood that primaries are sterile... Only Ell has a child... / Asne: Obviously, Cal isn't. / Asne: I didn't know what to do... I held off until he started to notice. / Asne: Initially, he seemed happy.. I'd been scared. but he was so enthusiastic at first... / Asne: But... I don't know what.. happened.. but he changed his mind... he told me it had to die.. He thinks it will end up... like him.. I ran away.. / Fern: ...Oh god. Oh god. / Fern: All right. Okay.... okay. We can.. this will.. this might turn out. I just need time to think.
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Grayling - Tuesday, November 2, 2004 - page 15 Asne: I don't suppose Annelcey's could have me. / Fern: No.. it.. it couldn't. S'the only actual sanctuary on Faidia, but it would be a violation of the contract to hide a civilian there. The whole hospital could be disbanded. / Fern: Speaking of sanctuaries.. why Tower, Asne? Why did you come here months ago in the first place? You know what would happen... / Asne: Oh.. that. I... we.. I don't know, Fern. When Lemanerial offers terms of peace.. We take them. The rebels are tired. Sick of fighting. / Asne: It was a gesture of trust... if we can't trust him now, we never will. / Asne: I didn't know then I was pregnant.. or else.. things would have been different. I hid here after skipping several towns... I didn't think Cal could find me as easily in the city. / Fern: If Fola's right, Lem took special note of your presence three months ago... but we can't know what he's going to do yet... / Asne: Won't.. Won't Cal know where I am, since /you/ know? / Fern: I can keep a secret. It just takes special effort. / Fern: He could break it out of me if he tortured me enough..But he won't know beforehand if it'll be worth his time. If I use my cards right, the secret should be safe. / Asne: ..oh... / Fern: ...Are you SURE Cal's the father? / Asne: Ask me that again, Fern, I'll knock your head clean off. / Fern: Okay, okay, sorry. / Fern: It makes me sick that I'm even thinking this... / Fern: But it made me sick to find Mid in a bathtubful of his own blood, too. Cal has a point. Just look at Mid. Imagine what this child's life will probably be like. Cal could end it easily. No pain. / Asne: I... I know.. I've thought about it. / Asne: But I don't think it's best. / Asne: Cal will make the baby like him /by/ killing it.. and he'll realize that later... It'll.. it'll simply destroy him. / Asne: We need to try... just to know later, whatever happens, that we DID try... / Asne: Rae and Lem hurt him because they were scared.. I won't.. I won't let him make that mistake as well.
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Grayling - Thursday, November 4, 2004 - page 416 Fern: Okay. I understand that. / Asne: Fern, I-- / Fern: Don't.. Don't. You don't have to apologize for this... This is how it is, now we deal with it the best we can. / Fern: I just don't want anyone to hurt from this too badly... Least of all the kid. But we have the most to lose.. / Asne: I can't stay here.. I can't go to Annelcey's. I have nowhere to go, Fern. / Fern: Yes you do! No.. wait.. YES! Why didn't I think of it before?! The Kemfdals! I think there are still some left. If they're amenable, they'll take you in. / Asne: Kemfdals? / Fern: A family loyal to the Callaneriallians. / Asne: But.. would they be able to keep me hidden? / Fern: There's old magic in that family. Not very strong, but it might be enough to keep you hidden for as long as it takes. Not forever.. but long enough. / Fern: But... what will really turn this situation is whether or not I can calm Cal down. The best laid plans in the world are nothing when you throw in a primary. / Asne: Don't I know it... Is he.. will he ever get better, Fern? / Fern: I dunno if he would even be himself if he got better. / Fern: I gotta go talk to the Kemfdals. / Fern: Then I'll get to Cal. Whatever happens.. won't take long. / Asne: ...Thank you for everything, Fern.
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Grayling - Friday, November 5, 2004 - page 417 [VOICEOVER] / Fern: When I finally found and arrived at the Kemfdals, you can't imagine how tired I was. / Fern: Of course, like all the sane people on this side of the world, the Kemfdals were all in bed. / Fern: I was able to raise two household melceys, Garadian and Shophe. Apparently the Kemfdals had their own recent share of tragedy. / Fern: The parents had died in one of the halfling riots. Those Kemfdals.. always on the bleeding edge of social reform, and paying for every second of it. / Fern: They'd left a teenage niece and a 4 year old son. Melceys, you should know, do not bend easily to elemental will... I was told to come back in the morning. / Fern: It didn't matter. Cal was calling me home. I returned, thinking the jig was up. I couldn't find him in the house. / [/VOICEOVER] / Fern: Cal? I'm home... / [VOICEOVER] / Fern: He was in the garden with Smoke. / [/VOICEOVER] / Fern: ...Cal?
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Grayling - Saturday, November 6, 2004 - page 418 Cal: Fern-- Fern when you were alive, you had children. You were a father. / Fern: ...Er.. yes.. but Cal.. I don't remember.. / Fern: That, and I murdered them.. / Cal: You didn't hurt them intentionally.. You understand these things more that I ever will. / Cal: Just look at what you've done for Mid. / Cal: I tried, but I failed them all... I need.. I need advice. / Cal: Your advice. / Fern: ...Okay... / Cal: I've been doing a lot of thinking and-- I promise not to do anything bad, I just need to talk-- / Fern: Okay, okay- it's all right. Let's talk. / Fern: But I think we should go inside first... / Fern: You're freezing cold. / Fern: C'mon Smoke... / Fern: You know I saw Asne, don't you? / Cal: Yes--yes--but I'm not plotting anything, I'm NOT! / Fern: Shhh, calm down, I'm not leaving.. / Cal: I'm going to mess this up, Fern, I've already gone too far... / Fern: Cal, please. Let's get inside, have a breath, and we'll talk.
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Grayling - Saturday, November 13, 2004 - Page 419 Fern: Okay.. here we are. Let's talk. / Cal: I've had my finger on it's pulse for an hour... I haven't done it yet.. I could do it any second, just another ruptured vesicle, it'd be as simple as killing anyone. Simpler. There's a reason. So often there is no reason. / Fern: Wh.. What made you wait? / Cal: Asne... told you why I.. / Fern: You don't want it to turn out like you. / Cal: I got to thinking about that... There are other ways of.. accomplishing that, aren't there? / Fern: Yes.. of course there are... / Cal: So I don't have to. I don't have to do this.. thing.. There are other ways. But... I don't.. It can never know I'm its father. It /can't/. / Fern: Okay. We can do that.
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Grayling - Sunday, November 14, 2004 - page 420 Fern: That's fine, Cal. There are plenty of people who live their whole lives quite happily not knowing who their biological parents were. Asne's culture doesn't place any immediate importance on biological relationships, to boot. / Cal: I would be a bad parent. I've /been/ a bad parent... / Cal: I wouldn't want to wake up one day and be told someone like me was my father. / Cal: Do you understand? / Fern: Yes, Cal. / Cal: I know this.. is just another way of controlling information. I received a letter from Malley today. About Mid. / Cal: Most of his problems stem from memory deletion. I should have known... should've... / Cal: I desgned him, for crying out loud. I knew, I knew, I underestimated my own skills when it happened to be convenient. I ignored the quintessential precepts of my own work. I convinced myself I could draw one thread out of his mind out at a time, when I had just worked so hard to weave them all tightly together. To make him real, only to wish he were unreal again. Why have I been such a buffoon? I can't even trust my own hands. I ripped holes in his head. I unravelled him. He's undone. / Fern: I think.. I think this is a bit different, Cal. / Cal: What do mortals say? Too many chefs ruin the soup? If I stay away.. it could be all right. / Fern: I don't see why not. There are other ways you can help.. from a distance. / Cal: And Asne.. Asne.. I wont.. I won't go near her, again, either. / Fern: Now.. hey. Don't you think Asne should have a say in that, Cal? / Cal: Fern. I have to break the cycle now, while we're ahead. While everyone is still alive... still sane.
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Grayling - Saturday, November 20, 2004 - Page 421 Delye: Miiid. Mid? MID / Mid: Unggg...Wh? G'way, Delye, it's Saturday... / Delye: I know, but Fern's already here n'wants to see you. / Mid: ...But it's six in the morning..I hope nothing's wrong... / I hope you're not waking me up for nothing. / Delye: Now would I lie to you? / Mid: ...no comment, De. C'mon. / Mid: Whoa. He's asleep. / Mid: Fern never sleeps in public...He must be really tired. / Delye: Oh DEAR, what could be that stuff all over his face?!?! / Mid: Oh my GOD-- DELYE when he wakes up he'll kill us BOTH! / Delye: It's okay Mid, it's ART THERAPY!
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Grayling - Sunday, November 28, 2004 - Page 422 Mid: I'm worried about you, Fern. I thought you'd get angry... at least throttle Delye a little. / Fern: I'm... just really tired. Anyway, it's coming off. / Fern: I see all of your hair's grown back, for better or worse. / Mid: Yeah... I've been... feeling a lot better. Listen... um. I know you came here for a reason... want me to boot Delye out of the room for awhile, and we can talk? / Fern: No... No, he can stay. Delye knows how it is. Not fair to kick him out of his own room. ...Why does the soap in public WC's always look like neon colored snot? / Mid: ...Thanks for the mental image, Fern. C'mon. / Fern: Your room's changed a lot... Give up minimalism? / Mid: Heh. Nah. Just... made it home. / Fern. Okay. Let me update you on the Asne situation. / 15 minutes later... / Fern: So I took Asne over to the Kemfdals' this morning... I'm going to help her settle in later today. / Mid: And throughout this entire thing... except when he threatened Asne... Cal didn't hurt ANYbody? / Fern: You ask that as though it's something amazing. / Mid: It's just - surprising, that's all-- / Fern: I DON"T dress up the truth, all right? He didn't touch anybody, and he meant what he was saying. I know him. / Fern: You've seen glimpses of it, but not enough... What he's been in your lifetime isn't... It isn't him. He's felt off, for so long... If you'd known him when I did, you'd feel it too. I'm NOT gonna let anyone deny him leave to be himself again. I know know why he's changed... / Mid: I don't... know either... Fern... I'm sorry, I just... I worry about you. You know I'm the last person you have to make an argument to... / Fern: .... No. Don't be. Don't listen to me. Everyone's so damn sorry It means nothing... just... do me a favor. / Mid: What? / Fern: Never, ever let yourself be as gullible as me.
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Grayling - Saturday, December 4, 2004 - page 423 Mid: I don't think you're gullible, Fern... / Fern: Well... That's nice. / Mid: ... / Fern: ...He said.. He's going to be alone forever. He can't be with anyone without... It's impossible for him not to be alone. / Mid: ...That.. that isn't really true, is it? I mean... Anything can happen. He's being...just being too negative. / Fern: ... / Fern: Ne'er you mind, Mid. I only wanted to get you on an even keel with everything going one. Don't feel bad just 'cause you think you should be. It's not your responsibility, no matter how anyone makes you feel. So don't worry about it. Take care of yourself, that's what's important. / Mid:{thinking} He always has hated commiseration... and I always say the wrong thing. It's like we don't know each other... / Mid: You're leaving so soon...? / Fern: Yeah... Daresay I'll be back more often now though. / Mid: ..Are you still drinking, Fern? / Fern: No, Mid. I've turned my life around. Now I drown my anxiety in forest frolics and long, intimate conversations with Lem. What do YOU think? / Fern: Now could you help me get this off? / Delye: {hanging off of Fern's leg} You just HAD to notice.
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Grayling - Wednesday, December 8, 2004 - Page 424 Delye: Aw. He was hardly here at all... / Delye: Why'd you have to piss him off? / Mid: Some things are more important than having fun. / Delye: Are you kiddin? That's the ONLY important thing. / Mid: ...That's not a very healthy attitude. / Delye: Healthier than yours, sour grapes. What's more important than happiness? / Delye: (I'm gonna peek in your sketch book.) / Mid: (Go ahead...) / Delye: Ever considered that maybe bein' happy's the only thing we're good for? I just mean it's the best thing possible. Not that it's easy. It's hard as fuck. Look at me.. all I wanted to do was dance... / Mid: ...Yeah... Nobody's gonna give you a map and instructions... / Mid: I can't do it for Fern... Short of that, what can I offer him, when he has alcohol? / Delye: Fern's smart n' he's a 'mental. He's got all the time in the world. He'll figure it out for himself. Didn't he tell you to stop worrying? You can at least listen to him. / Delye: Are you gonna stop bein' angsty and paint today? / Mid: ...Yeah. I guess I will.
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Grayling - Friday, December 17, 2004 - Page 425 Delye: Looks like you had that dream again, huh? / Mid: Yeah.. the sun and the waste land. / Mid: I feel like I should understand it.... Like what it means is just a thought away... But something alway seems to prevent me from making the leap. / Delye: Hmm. I dunno. It seems familiar to me too. But I can't think of any legends that have it... / Mid: Well... I don't even know if it's that important. It's frightening, anyway... I told Malley what I could about Rae, though. / Delye: Whoa, do you think that's all right? He think you made it up? / Mid: He said he'd look around. There ARE some vague references in the mythology of monster like creatures... / Mid: I'm not sure all this drawing is going anywhere... It's awfully slow. / Delye: I know a quick way outta here - draw weird sexual stuff. If they can attribute your problems ENTIRELY to sex, things go ever so much more quickly. / Mid: Pff. Can you imagine Malley handling phallic imagery? / Delye: ...Yes? / Meanwhile... / Lem: Mm. What am I hesitating for? / *click* / Lem: You awake out there? / Err-- yes sir, very much so, Lemanerial sir. / Lem: Bring me all the files you can find on the Kemfdals.
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Grayling - Saturday, January 8, 2005 - Page 426 So began what was probably my strangest assignment yet. Strange for its domesticity, anyway. And the fact that I had to deal regularly with mortals. Secondaries are more like mortals than primaries are... but the older we get, the more like primaries we become. / Fortunately, I took lots of snapshots. / I had to visit Asne regularly and make sure everything was going okay. Which meant I had to see the two Kemfdal children, too. / This required some adjustment to my behavior and appearance. One of the quirks of being an elemental is, you begin to forget your face. / My body is a copy of a copy of a copy and so on. I don't really look like my mortal self at all anymore. I mean, how do you remember how many moles you have, and where, and exact little things like the angle of your nose...? It dims, it smudges, and in the end you end up sketching whatever vaguely looks like what you looked like yesterday. The loss of detail is exponential. / That's what you get for being mind over matter. / Works for me. / Mortals retain all their rough edges. Nature remembers for them, and they don't live long enough to forget what they look like. Branch members are accustomed to looking at us, but other mortals aren't -- to them, we look unearthly. Creepy. Kids don't hesitate to let you know what they think of it. / The Kemfdal children were no exception. / Emwin was 7, and convinced I was a woman. Ceewin... was a teenager. Who hated my guts at first. She hadn't been infused with the Kemfdal loyalty, I guess. / Understandably, they were fallen on pretty hard times since their parents died. Garadian "requested" financial support early on. We were too glad to help. / Asne was much better at all this. She smoothed things over with Ceewin. / I think she was happy. / But I could tell she was sad. / Cal was less so. He was sad, yeah, but outweighing that was the relief of knowing he hadn't hurt anyone. That they were safe meant more. Not being a very physical person helped. I took pictures and kept him abreast with everything as best I could.
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