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i looked up what people call paris hilton ("socialite" seemed a bit imprecise) and wikipedia calls her ...	T-Rex: I have invented the best way to reveal the prejudices and preconceptions of my friends. / T-Rex: Reverse lightbulb jokes! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I'll give you the punchline and you'll supply the identifiable social group to be mocked, okay? The puchline is: "Just one: they hold the lightbulb... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1145
based on a true story in which fedex failed to deliver a package to me, oh, four times now	Narrator: AMAZING AND TRUE STORIES FROM THE LIFE OF UTAHRAPTOR / Narrator: also starring T-REX / Narrator: This morning I skipped breakfast and met T-Rex for lunch. He seemed excited. He always seems excited. / Narrator: I asked him why, and it turned out that Dromiceiomimus had a customer service issue... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1146
There was a guy named "egg". Augustus Egg. He was a Victorian artist, and he painted a painting called ...	T-Rex (thinking): People will DEFINITELY pay for a robot that "accidentally" steals all their girlfriends! / Narrator: BAD IDEAS COMICS / Narrator: LATER: / Dromiceiomimus (thinking): Has anyone ever made a doctor-themed parody of Back to the Future, called "Back to the Suture"? / Dromiceiomimus (thinking):... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1147
i have never complimented someone on the colour of their skin before. MAYBE SOME DAY??	God: HEY T-REX REMEMBER WHEN WE STOLE THE KILOGRAM / T-Rex: Sure do! / God: LET'S STEAL SOMETHING ELSE / God: SOME-THING / God: FROM HISTORY / Narrator: LATER: / God: MAN I GOT ARRESTED / Narrator: the end / God: HEY T-REX REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ARRESTED / T-Rex: Sure do! / Utahraptor: Sure do what? / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1148
jenn came up with that 'backstory' joke. thanks, jenn!	T-Rex: I have the best joke for Dromiceiomimus! / T-Rex: Is it my curse to ALWAYS have the best jokes? / T-Rex: Okay, Dromiceiomimus! Here is the best joke ever for you. It's way better than all other jokes. / Dromiceiomimus: I'm listening! / T-Rex: So I went to the chiropractor, right? And he examined... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1149

also it doesn't really make a difference OH WELL	T-Rex: Guys, guys! / God: WHAT / T-Rex: Our universe is almost certainly a simulation! / God: SHIIIIIIIIT / T-Rex: I know, right? / T-Rex: Because check it out: if you assume that computers will continue to get better, then it stands to reason that one day we'll be able to simulate an entire universe.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1150
t-rex is doing "i am legend" for ghosts. the reason the poltergeists break so many dishes isn't that ...	T-Rex: Ghost have got to be the saddest thing ever! They're dead people PLUS they're blind. / T-Rex: That's right, I said it! Ghosts are blind! / T-Rex: They HAVE to be, because they're invisible! And light needs to hit something to be seen, and if ghosts have transparent eyes they're not going to... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1151
for those of you who don't remember america's funniest home videos, it's basically youtube, but with ...	T-Rex: The curses of the Greek gods: / T-Rex: not actually that bad! / T-Rex: For example: Prometheus! / T-Rex: Guy gives fire back to mortals, and as punishment by Zeus he's chained to a rock and has his liver eaten by a vulture every day. / T-Rex: But his liver magically regenerates overnight! / Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1152
Oh wow, is that a quarter on the ground?	Narrator: A DAY OF DISAPPOINTMENTS! / Narrator: STARRING T-REX THE TALKING DINOSAUR / T-Rex: Oh wow, is that a quarter on the ground? / T-Rex: Oh, it's one someone glued to the ground as a joke. / T-Rex: Hah hah / Narrator: LATER: / Unknown: Free chocolate bars! / Utahraptor: Woo hoo! / Unknown: To anyone... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1153
utahraptor's line in panel 5 as i originally typed it was "Heck, I'm not busty. Let's go right now!". ...	Off Panel: There's a boxing kangaroo at the circus. / T-Rex: There's a boxing kangaroo at the circus? / T-Rex: There's a boxing kangaroo at the circus! / T-Rex: It's so great, Dromiceiomimus! It's a real boxing kangaroo with big red boxing gloves, like in the zeitgeist, AND in cartoons! And he boxes... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1154

the 'fake gas smell' idea is terrible because you'll probably get arrested as a stink terrorist	T-Rex: Natural gas in its natural state is colorless and odourless, right. But when it's sold, we add a distinctively smelly chemical to it, so that gas leaks can easily be detected! / T-Rex: This provides an opportunity for AMPLE PRANKS of HILARITY. / T-Rex: All I have to do is find out what that... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1155
seriously, utahraptor, what in the heck	Narrator: T-REX VISITS A GHOST TOWN. / T:Rex: Attention, any ghosts that can hear me! I have one thing to say to you: / T:Rex: this is awesome / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: It was great, Dromiceiomimus: a whole town that had been abandoned! All these collapsing buildings and rusting machines. It was APOCALYPSE... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1156
when i was a kid i solemnly vowed that, when i was an adult, i would make a batch of chocolate chip cookies ...	Narrator: WHAT YOUNG T-REX THINKS ADULT LIFE WILL BE LIKE: / T-Rex: I have lots of my own money so I can eat cookie dough whenever I want. I don't even have to cook it! / T-Rex: I don't!! / T-Rex: / T-Rex: My job is "astronaut" / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: WHAT TEEN T-REX THINKS ADULT LIFE WILL BE... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1157
guys, my med student friend is now my doctor friend! let's hear it for her success and her knowledge ...	T-Rex: Ssh! Come closer! / T-Rex: I know more secrets! / T-Rex: More SECRETS of the MEDICAL PROFESSION! / T-Rex: Okay, so peritonitis is when your peritoneum gets infected, and the peritoneum is basically the lining for your abdominal cavity, where your guts are! So if that's infected, you're going... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1158
customers know what they want, but they want what they know. BUY MY BUSINESS BOOK PLZ	T-Rex: My last attempt to be a motivational speaker didn't go so well. But this time I have a plan: GENERATIVE ADVICE. For example! / T-Rex: "Customers know what they want, but they want what they know!" / Dromiceiomimus: Wow, that actually sounds like good business advice, T-Rex. Customers want... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1159

i saw casablanca for the first time last night! i am the guy who watches casablanca because he didn't ...	Narrator: COMPRESSED FILM COMICS / Narrator: today's film: / Narrator: CASABLANCA / T-Rex: Okay so it's WWII and we're in Casablanca and people here want to go to America but they can't. But check it out: / T-Rex: I'm an American named Rick and I have two free tickets to America! / Dromiceiomimus: And... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1160
it's a clothing store but he hates all the clothes. we've all been there, amiright?	T-Rex: I've never worked retail! How bad could it be? / Narrator: SOON: / T-Rex: THIS JOB IS KILLING ME AND I CAN FEEL IT / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: It's terrible, Dromiceiomimus! Every customer is either rude or bland and my coworkers are all spiritually beaten down and when I look at them I know that... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1161
how great would it be to compare versions of hamlet from universe 1 and universe a, noting the way the ...	T-Rex: Building a time machine is hard! / T-Rex: But maybe, building a time machine to an alternate universe: NOT SO HARD?? / T-Rex: See, Dromiceiomimus, my new plan is to visit alternate universes to take back objects and ideas from them! Hopefully that will be much easier than using godless science... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1162
krazy komics typo korner: "i've got this magic feelings bog."	T-Rex: So I've got this computer problem and I can't figure it out. Half the time it boots up it find the sound card, but half the time it doesn't! Aren't computers deterministic? / T-Rex: I really thought computers were deterministic! / T-Rex: But now, it seems instead of a computer I've got this... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1163
n-gage jokes, four years behind the times, ladies and gentlemen!	The Devil: T-REX I HAVE CONSIDERED THE MATTER AND THE NES WAS MOST ASSUREDLY THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME CONSOLE EVER MADE / T-Rex: Okay! / The Devil: OR WAS IT / The Devil: WHILE THE NES BOASTED AN ENVIABLE LIBRARY MANY OF ITS GAMES FOUND LARGER SUCCESS IN MORE RECENT FRANCHISE INSTALLMENTS I SUPPOSE THE... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1164

if you have never seen "one froggy evening" then hey, welcome to confusion towne. TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE ...	[[Song from off-panel.]] / Michigan J. Frog: Hello! my baby / Hello! my honey / Hello! my ragtime gal / Send me a kiss by wire / Baby, my heart's on fire! / Narrator: T-REX IN: ONE FROGGY EVENING / [[T-Rex imagines himself theatrically promoting the singing frog as in the cartoon. Dollar signs are around... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1165
if you have never seen "one froggy evening" then hey, welcome to confusion towne. TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE ...	[[Song from off-panel.]] / Michigan J. Frog: Hello! my baby / Hello! my honey / Hello! my ragtime gal / Send me a kiss by wire / Baby, my heart's on fire! / Narrator: T-REX IN: ONE FROGGY EVENING / [[T-Rex imagines himself theatrically promoting the singing frog as in the cartoon. Dollar signs are around... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1165
it tastes like when a fireman's house burns down, but after the fireman was like, no way is my house ...	T-Rex: The problem with Valentine's Day is that, if you get your sweetie chocolates, the sweetness of the gesture is tainted with some measure of Societal Expectation! / T-Rex: That's the problem with Valentine's Day! / T-Rex: And that's all I have to say on the subject!! / Utahraptor: T-Rex! / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1166
homo superior	T-Rex: Synesthesia is an amazing neurological condition in which one sensory pathway involuntarily stimulates another. The result is sensory overlap: tones with distinct tastes, letters of the alphabet with their own shades of colour! / T-Rex: People with synesthesia BASICALLY have super powers. / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1167
the statute of limitations on 22-year-old ryan has run out! yesssss	T-Rex: So I kind of shot my mouth off on an online forum? / T-Rex: And it happened to be a forum in which I use my real name! / T-Rex: And now I am concerned that if someone looks up my name online, they will see me acting like a jerk, and will conclude that I AM a jerk, and then they won't want to... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1168
T-Rex's Thought Process	Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex, do you want to go swimming this evening with me and some friends? / T-Rex's Mental Text: Do I want to go swimming? / Radio Button 1: Yes / Radio Button 2: No / T-Rex's Mental Text: Do I want to go swimming? / Radio Button 1: Yes / Radio Button 2: No / Radio Button 3: Maybe, but who's... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1169

Good, nobody's around. Now I can stop self-narrating and do something REALLY embarrassing!	Narrator: EARLIER: / T-Rex: Good, nobody's around. Now I can do something REALLY embarrassing! / [[Black bar over T-Rex's eyes]] / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: It occurs to me: every time I do something private, I'm REALLY just betting that technology to look into the arbitrary past won't ever be developed.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1170
anyway a week later t-rex is forced to go through with this and kisses a guy who found out he only has ...	T-Rex: Some people do not cherish awkward moments as I do. Lukily for them, I have come up with a solution! / T-Rex: The solution, as in most things, is smooching! / T-Rex: Awkward moments are awkward because nobody knows what to do or say. But if you swoop in for a kiss, it's no longer an awkward... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1171
what is the upper bound on the speed of the treadmill, given perfect manufacturing techniques? i imply ...	T-Rex: I would like to have an inclined treadmill, so that I could build an indoor skateboarding track. Am I that crazy? / T-Rex: Am I that crazy... TO DREAM? / T-Rex: The idea is that it's like a moving sidewalk, but the speed is computer controlled! So you hop on your skateboard and get on the... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1172
THERE ARE PROBABLY OTHER CONCERNS AS WELL.	T-Rex: Okay, so whatever. MAYBE the Terminal Velocity Skateboard Simulator would never reach terminal velocity, since there's no wind resistance. But do we not have an obligation to future generations to make sure?? / Narrator: NOPE / T-Rex: Whatever! If I were in the future and I could open up a book... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1173
it's changed from skateboard simulator to 'old man on the porch yelling at kids to get off his lawn revenge ...	T-Rex: Guys! Guys! / T-Rex: I came up with a way to get my skateboard treadmill to work! / T-Rex: All I need is a treadmill that tilts! / T-Rex: That way, rather than relying on friction and stuff to manage the position of the skateboarder, I can just tilt the incline up or down in order to keep them... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1174

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