You're browsing the archives of Dinosaur Comics.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| man, WHO KNOWS. | T-Rex: Mylings are Scandinavian ghosts! They're way better than regular ghosts, you guys! / T-Rex: They're the ghosts of cheezed-off kids! / T-Rex: They're cheezed-off ghost kids who just want to be buried properly. And if you encounter one, it hops on your back and demands to be taken to the nearest... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1573 |
| writing comics like this is a bad idea because if i DO get murdered, i can just see the defense for the ... | T-Rex: I'm totally going to fake my own death today. / T-Rex: Everyone, don't tell anyone!! / T-Rex: I've got it all set up. My diary today says "I think SOMEONE's gonna murder me today!" and I've made YouTube comments that say "pretty sure someone wants to murder me >:|" and there won't be a body... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1574 |
| the best version of this story i read ended with the moral "some infinities are bigger than others". ... | T-Rex: David Hilbert was a mathematician and hotelier who was born in 1892. He built an infinite hotel, you guys! / Narrator: THE INFINITE HOTEL
/ Narrator: A TRUE STORY / T-Rex: So Hilbert built this infinite hotel that was infinitely big and had infinitely many rooms; I believe this was a matter... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1575 |
| history's chumps: a comic about chumps that belong to history. hence, the possessive. | Narrator: HISTORY'S CHUMPS / T-Rex: History if full of chumps, you guys!! / T-Rex: Today's historical chump is William H. Mumler (born 1832), who was a photographer guy who did portraits! Only he wasn't very good photographer guy because one time he accidentally double-exposed some film, and the... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1576 |
| i kinda disagree with t-rex here, but sometimes, man, he just don't listen | God: IT'S TIME FOR ROMANCE TIPS WITH T-REX
/ T-Rex: Yes! Today is the day for some tips on how to convince yourself that no matter what you'll never find anyone bett- / T-Rex: Okay! Today is the day for some tips on being romantic! / T-Rex: Flowers are nice, for all sexes and genders! They're pretty... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1577 |
| Two days ago I assured John Campbell of Pictures For Sad Children Dot Com that the vagina was named after ... | T-Rex: Some folks got opinions, you guys! / T-Rex: Some folks got opinions on what their genitals should be called, you guys! / T-Rex: BY WAY OF AN EXAMPLE, "vagina" comes from Latin, where it means "sheath" - as in something that goes around a sword! And some people are like, check it, MY vagina... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1578 |
| Never a better time for a minced friggin' oath than now, Utahraptor! | T-Rex: What's that, computer? Updates are available to be installed? / T-Rex: FRIG YES / T-Rex: I love friggin' updates! Why doesn't my computer do everything perfectly right now? Because if it did, I wouldn't get the joy of friggin' updating all the time!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Maybe something that used... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1579 |
| whatta park | T-Rex: Say a friggin' word enough, and it loses all friggin' meaning! / Narrator: SEMANTIC SATIATION / T-Rex: "Frig" is a bad example though because that word is great. But we've all spent an afternoon saying something like "waterpark" over and over until there's nothing there, just sounds, just the... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1580 |
| the great things about babies is that you can never be racist against babies, because you were totally ... | T-Rex: The words for "mother" and "father" are really similar, if not identical, across tons of languages! And the reason isn't because the languages are closely related. It's due to a way more awesome reason! / T-Rex: It's because parents totally assume their babies are talking about them! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1581 |
| inspired by the tvtropes "weaksauce weakness" page. tvtropes it great, it'll remind you of how ridiculous ... | T-Rex: Our bodies are amazing things! / T-Rex: Check it, Everyone! / T-Rex: We use our mouths to talk. We invent, remember and teach entire languages with which to do the talking! And if that fails, We can TALK WITH OUR HANDS. We build planes and boats and cars and spaceships, all by either using our... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1582 |
| a question for people who are in fact friends with someone who says "major snorefest" lightly: how do ... | T-Rex: Last night I dreamt I was preparing to buy a boat, and by "preparing to" I mean "stressing out about the confusing but necessary paperwork in order to". / T-Rex: Major snorefest! / T-Rex: And I am not one to say "major snorefest" lightly, Dromiceiomimus!
/ Dromiceiomimus: It's one of the reasons... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1583 |
| spent a long time deciding whether to write "captain crunch cereal" or "cap'n crunch cereal", in the ... | T-Rex: Today is the day I cook a meal for all my friends! You're coming, right God?
/ God: YEP FOR SURE I LOVE TO EAT MY CREATIONS / T-Rex: ... Okay, great! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus you're coming too, right?
/ Dromiceiomimus: Sure! What are you making?
/ T-Rex: A themed dish for every guest! Yours is on... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1584 |
| anyway when does tennis for two 360 xtreme come out, i have been waiting FOREVER | The Devil: GREETINGS T-REX LET'S REMAKE SOME CLASSIC VIDEO GAMES
/ T-Rex: With new graphics?
/ The Devil: WITH NEW GRAPHICS DELIVERING ASTOUNDING NEW VISTAS NEVER BEFORE SEEN / The Devil: ALSO WITH STEREOPHONIC SOUNDS
/ T-Rex: At the very least!! / The Devil: AND LET US ENSURE THE CORE GAMEPLAY MECHANIC... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1585 |
| not all dreams can come true, you may never be an astronaut, you may never be the one your friends choose ... | T-Rex: When someone accidentally gets sent to the past, they always make sure to write a letter held in trust and delivered to their friends decades later, telling them that they made it alright! / T-Rex: Pretty disappointed this hasn't happened to me yet, you guys!! / T-Rex: MAYBE this letter will... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1586 |
| i wouldn't use the word in a comic that was actually about the word itself, but andrew hussie adds "burglar" ... | T-Rex: I have led my life believing that people who write down cuss words have bad things happen to them. / T-Rex: And it has worked out really well so far! / T-Rex: When I saw someone writing a cuss, I would think "It's okay, that person will have troubles down the line because of that, and then they'll... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1587 |
| sheesh maybe i'll just sit in silence and listen to my own thoughts instead, maybe i'll just act like ... | T-Rex: Which guy just totally shredded his phone bill? Oh snap, looks like it was THIS guy! / T-Rex: I'm a dude with a shredder now, ladies!! / T-Rex: I paid my phone bill and then I shredded it, and then I shredded the envelope it came in, and then I wrote some secrets down and shredded THEM. I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1588 |
| T-REX VAMPIRES CAN HAVE KIDS AND LITTLE DINOSAUR VAMPIRES SOUNDS PRETTY CUTE TO ME | God: VAMPIRES CAN HAVE KIDS T-REX
/ T-Rex: Oh daaaaaaaang!! / T-Rex: Why was I not informed until now?! / T-Rex: Vampires can have kids, Dromiceiomimus! They can REPRODUCE through sex!
/ Dromiceiomimus: What? Daaaaaang!
/ T-Rex: Yeah, vampires can make more vampires either through bites OR through sex.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1589 |
| anyway the whole thing is cleared up in time for tomorrow's comic, turns out that what we *thought* were ... | T-Rex: Oh crap! Everybody died!
/ T-Rex: I'm the last one left on the planet! / T-Rex: Oh craaaaaaaaaaa- / Narrator: THREE WEEKS EARLIER...
/ T-Rex: You know what's dumb? MY MP3 PLAYER.
/ Dromiceiomimus: How is your MP3 player dumb, T-Rex?
/ T-Rex: It should have one of those accelerometers or whatever... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1590 |
| utahraptor used to be more against t-rex stepping on tiny women, but it keeps happening and the woman ... | T-Rex: My autobiography, by me, T-Rex! *ahem*
/ T-Rex: I was born in the past. / T-Rex: But then I got older, you guys! / T-Rex: And I made some great friends and did some cool things. Eventually, one of these things I did was to write a book about them. And that brings us up to the present! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1591 |
| occam's razor OF REVENGE is very simple, entities that allow revenge should not be multiplied beyond ... | T-Rex: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. / T-Rex: That's Newton's third law o' motion! / T-Rex: And it means that when I slam into a wall and bounce off and hurt myself, I'm not sore because the wall is solid. I'm sore because the wall hits me - LITERALLY hits me! The wall... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1592 |
| DELETED PHRASE: "the company did not respond by press time": any phrase that can meaningfully be employed ... | Narrator: PHRASES THAT MEAN NOTHING COMICS
/ Narrator: "INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY"
/ T-Rex: Anything can be "inspired" by a true story! One day I pooped to the moon. / T-Rex: INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY?? / NARRATOR: "AWARD-WINNING"
/ T-Rex: There are awards for everything awarded by everyone, and if you... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1593 |
| it was a four-way tie between "it only costs $50 bucks" and "it only costs 50 bucks" and "it only costs ... | T-Rex: So, hey, it turns out you can nominate yourself for a Pulitzer prize. / T-Rex: And it only costs fifty bucks! / T-Rex: This is AMAZING, Dromiceiomimus! Anything I write can be entered for a PULITZER PRIZE!
/ Dromiceiomimus: While technically true, T-Rex, the awards are for Americans only, and... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1594 |
| i keep reading "love safety" as "love safely", which is a euphemism for "having sex while using protection", ... | Narrator: BIKING TIPS FOR TEENS
/ T-Rex: Teens! Do you love biking? Sure You Do! / T-Rex: You're a teen!! / T-Rex: But did you know that biking without a helmet can be dangerous? Actually biking with a helmet can be dangerous too. Biking, regardless of helmet status, can be dangerous.
/ Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1595 |
| okay, new question: let's say you can live inside any person in history | T-Rex: Let's say you can live in any time period in history. Which period do you choose? / T-Rex: I choose the future! / T-Rex: Or at least, I did choose the future until I realized that things might not ACTUALLY be better down the road. If I lived 300 years from now, I could be living in a post apocalyptic... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1596 |
| A green dinosaur discusses his love of external holiday illumination and learns about actions having ... | T-Rex: I used to be against people who left their Christmas lights up on their houses all year long. It was lazy, I said!
/ T-Rex: Like this: / T-Rex: That's LAZY! / T-Rex: But then I realized one of the things I most look forward to about December is going on walks at night and seeing everything lit... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1597 |
| cakes that are just cake on the inside: so 2009; holy crap dudes we are almost living in 2010!! | Raccoons and cephalopods: HI NEIGHBOUR! CAN WE BORROW A CUP OF FLOUR?
/ T-Rex: Gah! What? What for? / Raccoons and cephalopods:T-REX, YOU -
/ Raccoons and cephalopods: YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW / T-Rex: Man, screw those guys! If these raccoons and cephalopods want to unsettle me, they should know... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1598 |
| cakes that are just cake on the inside: so 2009; holy crap dudes we are almost living in 2010!! | Raccoons and cephalopods: HI NEIGHBOUR! CAN WE BORROW A CUP OF FLOUR?
/ T-Rex: Gah! What? What for? / Raccoons and cephalopods:T-REX, YOU -
/ Raccoons and cephalopods: YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW / T-Rex: Man, screw those guys! If these raccoons and cephalopods want to unsettle me, they should know... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1598 |
| alternate endings involved trying to decide between duress phrase candidates "condition green", "condition ... | T-Rex: Oh frig, you guys!! / T-Rex: We don't have a duress phrase! / T-Rex: If I'm being forced to do something against my will, I need some way to covertly communicate that to you, Dromiceiomimus! Right now all I can say is "There is a dude here making me do stuff, and I do NOT count him among my... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1599 |
| leafy greens the way brother lifeisrandom intended | T-Rex: Folks say things like "Apples are a delicious gift from Mother Nature", or talk about how we can use things in the way Mother Nature intended. / T-Rex: That's WEIRD, you guys! / T-Rex: We have this "Mother Nature" metaphor that we all share but rarely consider critically, and it has all these... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1600 |
| i would call it "chez descrimimation against uggos" | T-Rex: You know what'd be great? A restaurant that serves gourmet versions of classic comfort foods, like burgers and fish and chips! / God, off-panel: THAT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE T-REX
/ T-Rex: Aw man, really? / T-Rex: Oh! You mean it's been done in alternate timelines or in the distant past, because,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1601 |
| MORRIS I LOVE YOU | Morris: hey there t-rex, how are you doin'? it's me, morris
/ T-Rex: Morris the tiny bug, it's been a while! How are you?
/ Morris: oh i'm fine, t-rex, it's very nice of you to ask / Morris: only to tell you the truth i'm not all that fine because i've been under a lot of stress lately!
/ T-Rex: Stress?! / Morris:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1602 |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 >>