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i feel this comic captures the song in comic form to the very best of my abilities Narrator: COMPRESSED SONG COMICS today's song POKER FACE by LADY GAGA / T-Rex: Lady Gaga analogizes sex to poker! In the song, I mean! / T-Rex: To hear her tell it, she intends to get her male opponent "hot", and then she intends to show him "what she's got". She assures us, the audience, now presumably with one raised eyebrow, that this unnamed protagonist (adversary? It is difficult to tell) is fully unable to read her poker face. / Utahraptor: He's unable, he's unable to see past her facade of bluffing! / T-Rex: Fah-fah-fah-facade of bluffing / T-Rex: To proceed: she wants to spend time with him; she believes they'll present an appearance of aloof disinterest. Russian roulette is different if you remove the gun from the endeavor. / Utahraptor: And when it comes to the act of physical love, Lady Gaga becomes bored if it's too tender!! / T-Rex: In conclusion, Lady Gaga repeats her claim of her facade of bluffing being perfect no less than four times, so it must be true. / Utahraptor: Fah-fah-fah-facade of bluffing
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1634
this comic just serves to underline how easily omnipotent third parties can unfairly present versions of events. if you're a fictional character, KEEP IT IN MIND. T-Rex: I wonder what the future holds for me! Looks like it's time for another terrifying... / T-Rex: VISION OF TOMORROW! / T-Rex: ...VISION OF TOMORROW... / T-Rex: ...Vision of Tomorrow... / Dromiceiomimus: Is there a verb for making your own echos? It seems like there should be a verb for making your own echos. / T-Rex: ...vision of tomorrow... / Utahraptor: Hey, how's setting yourself up for a vision of tomorrow going? / T-Rex: Not so well! / T-Rex: I've dramatically echoed as hard as I can, but it seems I'm destined not to move ahead in time faster than my usual rate of one second per second. / Utahraptor: I guess we'll find out what the future holds when we get there. / T-Rex: I just want a peek! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: This doesn't count.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1635
this comic just serves to underline how easily omnipotent third parties can unfairly present versions of events. if you're a fictional character, KEEP IT IN MIND. T-Rex: I wonder what the future holds for me! Looks like it's time for another terrifying... / T-Rex: VISION OF TOMORROW! / T-Rex: ...VISION OF TOMORROW... / T-Rex: ...Vision of Tomorrow... / Dromiceiomimus: Is there a verb for making your own echos? It seems like there should be a verb for making your own echos. / T-Rex: ...vision of tomorrow... / Utahraptor: Hey, how's setting yourself up for a vision of tomorrow going? / T-Rex: Not so well! / T-Rex: I've dramatically echoed as hard as I can, but it seems I'm destined not to move ahead in time faster than my usual rate of one second per second. / Utahraptor: I guess we'll find out what the future holds when we get there. / T-Rex: I just want a peek! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: This doesn't count.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1635
if you get in trouble for painting a bum on a wall, don't worry, for this is the sort of trouble that men will grow to envy T-Rex: House shopping is what you do when you think, "Man, rent is pretty expensive! Furthermore, I'd like to paint a bum on the wall and not get in trouble." / T-Rex: So you decide you're in the market for a house! / T-Rex: Now you've done it. Now you're looking to spend HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on a single object. This is like spending all this money on ? I don't know, a cookie. Only, you can't eat your cookie, and when you're not looking your cookie can BURN DOWN. Oh! And your cookie is SO EXPENSIVE that the time you'll take to pay back the loan you'll need to buy even a tiny cookie is routinely measured in DECADES. / T-Rex: Man! I hope this stupid cookie is worth it! / Utahraptor: Your cookie can increase in value though! / T-Rex: Sure! But it can also decrease in value, both due to events ENTIRELY OUTSIDE YOUR CONTROL. / Utahraptor: But your rent money can now build cookie equi- look, can we say "house" and not "cookie"? This analogy isn't getting us anything. / T-Rex: I disagree!! It sounded like you were about to say "cookie equity". / T-Rex: Hello?! / T-Rex: That certainly sounds like an analogy worth pursuing to me!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1636
Autotheism is the belief that you, personally, are divine. And by "you", I obviously mean "me". T-Rex: Autotheism is the belief that you, personally, are divine. You're a god! / God: SAY / God: WHAAAAAAAAT / T-Rex: Seriously, dude! And normally people who are autotheistic don't really comment on the existence of other religions or gods, just themselves. It's kinda the old "the only consciousness I can be certain of is my own" argument, but, you know, applied to divinity. / Dromiceiomimus: So if you're a god, then what? How come you don't do anything godly? / T-Rex: MAYBE I'M BUSY. / Utahraptor: Or maybe just being alive IS divine enough! / T-Rex: Sure! Maybe life itself is divine! / T-Rex: Except that means what I ate for breakfast was a god, and my house is built out of dead tree gods. / T-Rex: ...I was going to say this is just pantheism again, but living in a house of dead tree gods is something I'm really into, so: OBJECTION WITHDRAWN. / Narrator: LATER, T-REX GETS THE FLU! / T-Rex: I've got thousands of microscopic flu gods inside me! / T-Rex: ...jerks.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1637
on the plus side, luna 15 looks pretty much exactly how you'd imagine a space moon robot to look. it's got insect-like arms and even a giant eye on the top! i rate it: five stars out of a possible five. T-Rex: In my alternate history story, Apollo 11 reaches the moon on July 19th, 1969, just as before. Only when they get there... / T-Rex: ...they find the Soviets are already in orbit, waiting for them! / T-Rex: The Soviets have saved time by designing and sending a ROBOT to the moon - and it got there first! Only, the Americans are able to land their ship faster, so they're still the first ones to set foot on the moon. But the Soviet robot is still there, and its orbit has been adjusted downward, ever downward, so that now it's flying just above the Americans! / Utahraptor: But then the Soviets mess up the landing and it crashes into the side of a mountain? / T-Rex: How'd you know? / Utahraptor: This isn't an alternate history, T-Rex: this is the real-life history of the Luna 15 mission. / T-Rex: ...Really? / Utahraptor: Yes, really! Normally you're supposed to research actual history before writing an alternate one! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Dear audio diary! It appears I have a choice: either I am a guy who doesn't know his history, or I HAVE SOMEHOW ENTERED INTO THE VERY ALTERNATE REALITY I CREATED. / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: Or both, I guess.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1638
 
T-rex invents new genre: Alternate history autobio? T-Rex: OKAY. In my new alternate history, everything is the same, except for one pertinent detail: / T-Rex: Instead of my skin being green, it's purple!! / T-Rex: And the whole book is this alternate T-Rex writing about how his life has gone so far! / Dromiceiomimus: Alternate history autobio? I think you've invented a new genre here, T-Rex! / T-Rex: I know! / T-Rex: The only problem is, the book's only super awesome if you already know me, otherwise you won't notice the differences. / Utahraptor: And let me guess: the difference is that we're all racist against you? / T-Rex: Nope! / T-Rex: You guys aren't racist. Actually, except for the skin thing there's not really ANY differences, and come to think of it, I don't think I even mentioned my skin colour either. / Utahraptor: ..Seriously? / T-Rex: No worries! I'll just pencil in "PS, I was purple the entire time!" on the last page of every copy! / Narrator: Later, at the bookstore: / T-Rex: So! / T-Rex: It turns out it was way more fun to write it in all the other autobiographies instead
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1639
T-rex invents new genre: Alternate history autobio? T-Rex: OKAY. In my new alternate history, everything is the same, except for one pertinent detail: / T-Rex: Instead of my skin being green, it's purple!! / T-Rex: And the whole book is this alternate T-Rex writing about how his life has gone so far! / Dromiceiomimus: Alternate history autobio? I think you've invented a new genre here, T-Rex! / T-Rex: I know! / T-Rex: The only problem is, the book's only super awesome if you already know me, otherwise you won't notice the differences. / Utahraptor: And let me guess: the difference is that we're all racist against you? / T-Rex: Nope! / T-Rex: You guys aren't racist. Actually, except for the skin thing there's not really ANY differences, and come to think of it, I don't think I even mentioned my skin colour either. / Utahraptor: ..Seriously? / T-Rex: No worries! I'll just pencil in "PS, I was purple the entire time!" on the last page of every copy! / Narrator: Later, at the bookstore: / T-Rex: So! / T-Rex: It turns out it was way more fun to write it in all the other autobiographies instead
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1639
T-Rex solves problems that are easily solved. T-Rex: Let's say you've dropped your toast on the floor. Pick it up, my friend! This is just one of many... / Narrator: PROBLEMS THAT ARE EASILY SOLVED / T-Rex: Or if you've misplaced your keys, you can check the places you usually leave them, and if that fails, retrace your steps! If this happens often, try getting a second set of keys you can use in these situations - then you won't be late for wherever it is you're going! / Dromiceiomimus: That certainly is a problem easily solved! / T-Rex: EXACTLY! / Utahraptor: What if I'm worried my cousin is throwing her life away on a HARMFUL DRUG ADDICTION? / T-Rex: T- That's... / T-Rex: ...well, that's just not a problem easily solved, Utahraptor. That's still a problem that we CAN work on solving, but I don't think I can easily solve it for you here today. / Utahraptor: Ah. / T-Rex: In the meantime - can't find a twist tie when you need one? / T-Rex: No problem! Try dropping a twist tie into your garbage cans BEFORE you put the bag in. When you remove the bag, the tie will be there waiting for you! / T-Rex: NICE.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1640
T-Rex solves problems that are easily solved. T-Rex: Let's say you've dropped your toast on the floor. Pick it up, my friend! This is just one of many... / Narrator: PROBLEMS THAT ARE EASILY SOLVED / T-Rex: Or if you've misplaced your keys, you can check the places you usually leave them, and if that fails, retrace your steps! If this happens often, try getting a second set of keys you can use in these situations - then you won't be late for wherever it is you're going! / Dromiceiomimus: That certainly is a problem easily solved! / T-Rex: EXACTLY! / Utahraptor: What if I'm worried my cousin is throwing her life away on a HARMFUL DRUG ADDICTION? / T-Rex: T- That's... / T-Rex: ...well, that's just not a problem easily solved, Utahraptor. That's still a problem that we CAN work on solving, but I don't think I can easily solve it for you here today. / Utahraptor: Ah. / T-Rex: In the meantime - can't find a twist tie when you need one? / T-Rex: No problem! Try dropping a twist tie into your garbage cans BEFORE you put the bag in. When you remove the bag, the tie will be there waiting for you! / T-Rex: NICE.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1640
disappointed to not be able to work in the monohorse, the shuttlepack (a space shuttle that you strap on your back, somebody invent this PLEASE), and the consumer-market automocopter T-Rex: Balloons are pretty cool. Rockets are pretty rad too! But radder than both put together? Oh, I don't know.... how about- / T-Rex: - a ROCKOON?? / T-Rex: A rockoon is when you just friggin' tie a rocket to a balloon! The balloon goes up some of the way, and then you FIRE THE ROCKET and it goes up the rest of the way! IT IS THE RADDEST WAY TO ARRIVE AT WORK. / Dromiceiomimus: You - you can ride them into work? / T-Rex: Heck, Dromiceiomimus, you can ride them anywhere! IT IS THE MAGIC OF ROCKOONS. / Utahraptor: Man, you can't just make up transportation methods! / T-Rex: Rockoons were used in the '50s, dude! / T-Rex: But they were abandoned as aiming's pretty much impossible. Anyway, I can too make up new transports. Observe the DERIGITANK! And the Skateboat! And the catapubmarine, gyrobus, and MAGLEV TRAIN. / Utahraptor: ... / T-Rex: -icopter. Maglev trainicopter. / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: ...I think I gave myself an awesomeness stroke
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1641
disappointed to not be able to work in the monohorse, the shuttlepack (a space shuttle that you strap on your back, somebody invent this PLEASE), and the consumer-market automocopter T-Rex: Balloons are pretty cool. Rockets are pretty rad too! But radder than both put together? Oh, I don't know.... how about- / T-Rex: - a ROCKOON?? / T-Rex: A rockoon is when you just friggin' tie a rocket to a balloon! The balloon goes up some of the way, and then you FIRE THE ROCKET and it goes up the rest of the way! IT IS THE RADDEST WAY TO ARRIVE AT WORK. / Dromiceiomimus: You - you can ride them into work? / T-Rex: Heck, Dromiceiomimus, you can ride them anywhere! IT IS THE MAGIC OF ROCKOONS. / Utahraptor: Man, you can't just make up transportation methods! / T-Rex: Rockoons were used in the '50s, dude! / T-Rex: But they were abandoned as aiming's pretty much impossible. Anyway, I can too make up new transports. Observe the DERIGITANK! And the Skateboat! And the catapubmarine, gyrobus, and MAGLEV TRAIN. / Utahraptor: ... / T-Rex: -icopter. Maglev trainicopter. / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: ...I think I gave myself an awesomeness stroke
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1641
add one to the list of "continents or sub-continents i have embarrassed myself on", soon i will have a royal flush T-Rex: When I flush the toilet, it fills again with perfectly safe drinking water. We poop in water we could drink! / T-Rex: That's -- that's kind of crazy, you guys! / T-Rex: We do EVERYTHING with potable water. Washing dishes in drinkable water: makes sense! Washing clothes in potable water: maybe, I guess? But I don't see any reason why POOP WATER should be drinkable. We should be filling our toilets with recycled water that's already been used for washing clothes or whatever! / Utahraptor: I agree with you, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Really? / Utahraptor: I think we're really privileged, yeah, and I think it's a pretty terrible image that while there are places where clean drinking water is a luxury if it's available at all, we are literally pooping in it. / T-Rex: ...That's true, huh? Wow. You've politicized my pooping! / Narrator: LATER, PERFORMING AID WORK IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA: / T-Rex: Alright! The sooner everyone has clean drinking water, the sooner I can go back to enjoying my poops!! / T-Rex (thought): frig, wait, hold on, i just meant to think that
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1642
add one to the list of "continents or sub-continents i have embarrassed myself on", soon i will have a royal flush T-Rex: When I flush the toilet, it fills again with perfectly safe drinking water. We poop in water we could drink! / T-Rex: That's -- that's kind of crazy, you guys! / T-Rex: We do EVERYTHING with potable water. Washing dishes in drinkable water: makes sense! Washing clothes in potable water: maybe, I guess? But I don't see any reason why POOP WATER should be drinkable. We should be filling our toilets with recycled water that's already been used for washing clothes or whatever! / Utahraptor: I agree with you, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Really? / Utahraptor: I think we're really privileged, yeah, and I think it's a pretty terrible image that while there are places where clean drinking water is a luxury if it's available at all, we are literally pooping in it. / T-Rex: ...That's true, huh? Wow. You've politicized my pooping! / Narrator: LATER, PERFORMING AID WORK IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA: / T-Rex: Alright! The sooner everyone has clean drinking water, the sooner I can go back to enjoying my poops!! / T-Rex (thought): frig, wait, hold on, i just meant to think that
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1642
this comic was... dictated to me by t-rex, i guess? T-Rex: Congratulations! You know how to read. / YOU ARE LITERATE / a web card / T-Rex: I don't mean that you are literate in the sense that you've read a lot of books, or that you can bring up the perfect literary quotation to suit a given situation. I mean that your knowledge of language is sufficient to understand what I'm saying. Right now, by reading these words, you are at least getting the gist of it. / T-Rex: Again: CONGRATULATIONS. / Utahraptor: But you're not writing, you're speaking! / T-Rex: Perhaps! / T-Rex: But perhaps I intend to write down these words later, and then create a card out of them, and then hand this card out to people. Perhaps that! / Utahraptor: Well in that case you should cut out this conversation, because it's largely irrelevant. / T-Rex: INDEED!! / T-Rex: But! / T-Rex: Maybe I'll forget to though.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1643
 
T-Rex doesn't even try to stop the rock T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, party at my place tonight! Can you come? / Dromiceiomimus: I sure can! / T-Rex: Excellent!! / T-Rex: So excellent, in fact, that I will stomp on this house. / Dromiceiomimus: I - I can still come if you don't stomp on the house. / T-Rex: EVEN BETTER!! / T-Rex: But, as you can see, I've already committed to stomping on this house. / T-Rex: Utahraptor, you can make it too? / Utahraptor: Yep! But only if you don't sto- / Utahraptor: - damn it T-Rex, clearly I was going to say "only if you don't stomp on that woman." / T-Rex: Oh! Really? I thought you were going to say "only if you don't stop the rock" and I was going to assure you that TRY AS ONE MAY, one simply cannot stop the rock. / Narrator: AT THE PARTY: / T-Rex: You can't stop the rock, can't stop the rock; you can't stop the rock, can't stop the rock!! / Utahraptor: T-Rex I know you are enjoying that song / Utahraptor: but a woman just DIED
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1644
T-Rex doesn't even try to stop the rock T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, party at my place tonight! Can you come? / Dromiceiomimus: I sure can! / T-Rex: Excellent!! / T-Rex: So excellent, in fact, that I will stomp on this house. / Dromiceiomimus: I - I can still come if you don't stomp on the house. / T-Rex: EVEN BETTER!! / T-Rex: But, as you can see, I've already committed to stomping on this house. / T-Rex: Utahraptor, you can make it too? / Utahraptor: Yep! But only if you don't sto- / Utahraptor: - damn it T-Rex, clearly I was going to say "only if you don't stomp on that woman." / T-Rex: Oh! Really? I thought you were going to say "only if you don't stop the rock" and I was going to assure you that TRY AS ONE MAY, one simply cannot stop the rock. / Narrator: AT THE PARTY: / T-Rex: You can't stop the rock, can't stop the rock; you can't stop the rock, can't stop the rock!! / Utahraptor: T-Rex I know you are enjoying that song / Utahraptor: but a woman just DIED
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1644
anyone who argues the moon landings were faked is someone who is arguing that bags of poop aren't orbiting around us THIS VERY INSTANT. i ask you: do you REALLY want to be friends with such a person?? T-Rex: Apollo 11 visits the moon, and some Earth dudes get out and they look around and take back some rocks with them for Earth! / T-Rex: Not bad for a Sunday night, Earth dudes!! / T-Rex: The only problem was that the lander had limited fuel to return to orbit -- less than they expected, actually! So the earth dudes needed to lighten the load. / Dromiceiomimus: And they threw a bunch of stuff overboard! / T-Rex: Exactly! Anything they wouldn't need for the trip back was left on the moon. Cameras! Scoops! SPACE BOOTS. And... / T-Rex and Utahraptor: ...bags of poop! / T-Rex: You knew? / Utahraptor: Yep! There was no sense bringing that back with them, right? And so every night when I look up to the moon, I know that there is some corner of another world that is forever ours. Also, we left bags of poop there. / T-Rex: Man, future archeologists are gonna love us! "WHAT WAS POOP LIKE IN THE LATE 1960s?" / T-Rex: Don't worry guys, we stored some on the moon!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1645
anyone who argues the moon landings were faked is someone who is arguing that bags of poop aren't orbiting around us THIS VERY INSTANT. i ask you: do you REALLY want to be friends with such a person?? T-Rex: Apollo 11 visits the moon, and some Earth dudes get out and they look around and take back some rocks with them for Earth! / T-Rex: Not bad for a Sunday night, Earth dudes!! / T-Rex: The only problem was that the lander had limited fuel to return to orbit -- less than they expected, actually! So the earth dudes needed to lighten the load. / Dromiceiomimus: And they threw a bunch of stuff overboard! / T-Rex: Exactly! Anything they wouldn't need for the trip back was left on the moon. Cameras! Scoops! SPACE BOOTS. And... / T-Rex and Utahraptor: ...bags of poop! / T-Rex: You knew? / Utahraptor: Yep! There was no sense bringing that back with them, right? And so every night when I look up to the moon, I know that there is some corner of another world that is forever ours. Also, we left bags of poop there. / T-Rex: Man, future archeologists are gonna love us! "WHAT WAS POOP LIKE IN THE LATE 1960s?" / T-Rex: Don't worry guys, we stored some on the moon!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1645
see how quickly t-rex abandons "t-rex lane" in favour of "awesome people only: the street"? he knows which way the wind is blowin' T-Rex: How do you get your name on a street sign? Is there like, a place where I can slap my name down and say "So hey, I heard THAT name's really rad"? / T-Rex: I really want to live on "T-Rex Lane", you guys! / T-Rex: Obviously, my IDEAL address would be 80085 T-Rex Lane, T-Topia, Rexland", but, you know, one step at a time. So: street names! How do I get in on that? / Dromiceiomimus: Well if you're a local politician your odds are improved through CRONYISM, and I guess if you're last name was like, "Lakeview", you'd have better odds too. / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, this advice's Helpful Rating is currently at ZERO!! / Utahraptor: If you're someone famous, that helps too! / T-Rex: OBVIOUSLY. / Utahraptor: Look, if you're serious about this, then go buy some unincorporated land and build a road and house there! I think your street name's considered when the land is incorporated into a municipality. / T-Rex: But then I'd have to live out in the boonies all by myself! / T-Rex: On the other hand, I COULD be living on "Awesome People ONLY: The Street"! Frig! I can't see any way out of this impasse, Utahraptor! / T-Rex: You may want to go on about your day, I - / T-Rex: I may be stuck like this for a while
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1646
see how quickly t-rex abandons "t-rex lane" in favour of "awesome people only: the street"? he knows which way the wind is blowin' T-Rex: How do you get your name on a street sign? Is there like, a place where I can slap my name down and say "So hey, I heard THAT name's really rad"? / T-Rex: I really want to live on "T-Rex Lane", you guys! / T-Rex: Obviously, my IDEAL address would be 80085 T-Rex Lane, T-Topia, Rexland", but, you know, one step at a time. So: street names! How do I get in on that? / Dromiceiomimus: Well if you're a local politician your odds are improved through CRONYISM, and I guess if you're last name was like, "Lakeview", you'd have better odds too. / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, this advice's Helpful Rating is currently at ZERO!! / Utahraptor: If you're someone famous, that helps too! / T-Rex: OBVIOUSLY. / Utahraptor: Look, if you're serious about this, then go buy some unincorporated land and build a road and house there! I think your street name's considered when the land is incorporated into a municipality. / T-Rex: But then I'd have to live out in the boonies all by myself! / T-Rex: On the other hand, I COULD be living on "Awesome People ONLY: The Street"! Frig! I can't see any way out of this impasse, Utahraptor! / T-Rex: You may want to go on about your day, I - / T-Rex: I may be stuck like this for a while
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1646
i had to stop with the north american city names because so many are taken from native words, which were usually descriptive! IT WAS CHEATING. but then tons of european cities have obscure contested origins, and i already did batmania, australia! T-Rex: Maybe I'm aiming too low with getting a street named after me. Maybe the REAL awesomeness is when you get a CITY named after you! / T-Rex: It worked for Mr. Chicago! / Dromiceiomimus: Actually, "Chicago" is a corruption of a local word, "shikaakwa", for wild onion. / T-Rex: Fine! It worked for Mr. Saskatoon! / Dromiceiomimus: ...Actually, that's from a Cree word for "berries". / T-Rex: MADAME KOSOVO?? / Dromiceiomimus: Okay, that's a country, and that's stemming from the Slavic word "kos", for "blackbird". / T-Rex: FINE. You know what? / Utahraptor: "Fine"? / T-Rex: FINE. / T-Rex: I'll get friggin' FOODSTUFFS named after me, because clearly when someone needs to know what to name something, they just spit out whatever is in their mouths, stare at the mess in their hands, and say "Okay sure - call this city TOMATO PASTE CENTRAL". / Utahraptor: Good luck! You'll need it, I think! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Attention, everyone! Granny Smith apples are way more awesome if you call them "T-Rex FlavrCrunchZ 2K10!" / T-Rex: ...Wait, hold on! That name offends even me!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1647
i had to stop with the north american city names because so many are taken from native words, which were usually descriptive! IT WAS CHEATING. but then tons of european cities have obscure contested origins, and i already did batmania, australia! T-Rex: Maybe I'm aiming too low with getting a street named after me. Maybe the REAL awesomeness is when you get a CITY named after you! / T-Rex: It worked for Mr. Chicago! / Dromiceiomimus: Actually, "Chicago" is a corruption of a local word, "shikaakwa", for wild onion. / T-Rex: Fine! It worked for Mr. Saskatoon! / Dromiceiomimus: ...Actually, that's from a Cree word for "berries". / T-Rex: MADAME KOSOVO?? / Dromiceiomimus: Okay, that's a country, and that's stemming from the Slavic word "kos", for "blackbird". / T-Rex: FINE. You know what? / Utahraptor: "Fine"? / T-Rex: FINE. / T-Rex: I'll get friggin' FOODSTUFFS named after me, because clearly when someone needs to know what to name something, they just spit out whatever is in their mouths, stare at the mess in their hands, and say "Okay sure - call this city TOMATO PASTE CENTRAL". / Utahraptor: Good luck! You'll need it, I think! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Attention, everyone! Granny Smith apples are way more awesome if you call them "T-Rex FlavrCrunchZ 2K10!" / T-Rex: ...Wait, hold on! That name offends even me!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1647
kinda excited that someone is reading dinosaur comics for the first time today and without warning they are learning ALL ABOUT GIRAFFES Narrator: FACTS ABOUT GIRAFFES / Narrator: PRINT OUT THIS COMIC AND PUT IT IN YOUR WALLET! / Narrator: THAT WAY, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE ACCESS TO FACTS ABOUT GIRAFFES / T-Rex: did you know that ancient Greeks thought giraffes were a mixture of camel and leopard? Scientists still call giraffes "Giraffa camelopardalis" because everyone's afraid that if we change it, the ancient Greeks will be SO CHEEZED OFF that they'll all come back to life! ANGRY SKELETON LIFE!! / Dromiceiomimus: I didn't know the factual part of that, no / T-Rex: Giraffes have the lowest sleep needs of any land mammal! / Utahraptor: Only about 1.9 hours a day! / T-Rex: NICE. / Utahraptor: Female giraffes use their hooves to protect their young! / T-Rex: Man, they can kick LIONS to death! One kick can shatter a lion's SKULL. That's ultimate badass! / Utahraptor: Pretty sure that's ultimate badass! / Narrator: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THESE GIRAFFE FACTS! NOW WHEN SOMEONE STEALS YOUR WALLET THEY'LL LEARN SOME FACTS ABOUT GIRAFFES. / Narrator: AT LEAST SOME GOOD CAN COME OUT OF THESE UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES / Narrator: UM, FOR THE DUDE WHO STOLE YOUR WALLET I MEAN
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1648
 
Attention, future generations! SORRY, WE TOTALLY USED UP ALL THE FUN STUFF T-Rex: You know what the most common element in the universe is? Friggin' hydrogen! / T-Rex: But after that, it's totally helium! / T-Rex: And this is why helium balloons are so awesome. Not only are they FUN and FLOATY and COME IN A VARIETY OF COLOURS, but we never have to feel bad about them, because helium is the one resource we'll never run out of! / Dromiceiomimus: Uh, T-Rex, that's not exactly true! / T-Rex: Uh, Dromiceiomimus, I'd be really surprised if we somehow used up the second-most common element in the UNIVERSE. / Utahraptor: It may be common across the universe, T-Rex, but it's not common here on Earth! / T-Rex: What? / Utahraptor: Helium's so light that once it's in the atmosphere, it actually ends up escaping into space. We get new helium by mining it out of natural gas reserves, but those are decidedly finite! / T-Rex: Man!! Kids with helium balloons were the last thing I could enjoy WITHOUT thinking how finite everything is! / T-Rex: You know what's left now? Rocks! The only thing I'm sure we'll never run out of is friggin' ROCKS. / T-Rex: Woooo
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1649
on the other hand, horror stories become way less scary when the storyteller is so insistently self-skeptical at their own tale of creeping horror. "THE CALL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!! IN MY OPINION I MEAN, AND I'M PROBABLY TOTALLY WRONG!! T-Rex: I have come up with an excellent way to be happy! Every time someone says a sentence, I simply add a few words onto it: / T-Rex: "In my opinion, I mean, and I'm probably totally wrong!" / T-Rex: Oh my goodness, it's been SO GREAT. People with stupid opinions now IMMEDIATELY acknowledge how dumb they are! Internet fights still have all the swears and name calling, but now they're instantly undermined by my new suffix. / Dromiceiomimus: This sounds pretty egocentric, T-Rex! In my opinion, I mean, and I'm probably totally wrong! / T-Rex: Niiiiice. / Utahraptor: But isn't this just reinforcing your own opinions? / T-Rex: No, man! / T-Rex: People can still disagree with me, but they're now at least saying they don't have any special expertise! / Utahraptor: In your opinion, you mean, and you're probably totally wrong! / T-Rex: Utahraptor, despite your obvious criticism, I'm still way into my new suffix! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: "In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. In my opinion, I mean, and I'm probably totally wrong!" / God: SEE T-REX / God: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I KEEP MAKING IT SO YOU NEVER GET A PRINTING PRESS
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1650
on the other hand, horror stories become way less scary when the storyteller is so insistently self-skeptical at their own tale of creeping horror. "THE CALL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!! IN MY OPINION I MEAN, AND I'M PROBABLY TOTALLY WRONG!! T-Rex: I have come up with an excellent way to be happy! Every time someone says a sentence, I simply add a few words onto it: / T-Rex: "In my opinion, I mean, and I'm probably totally wrong!" / T-Rex: Oh my goodness, it's been SO GREAT. People with stupid opinions now IMMEDIATELY acknowledge how dumb they are! Internet fights still have all the swears and name calling, but now they're instantly undermined by my new suffix. / Dromiceiomimus: This sounds pretty egocentric, T-Rex! In my opinion, I mean, and I'm probably totally wrong! / T-Rex: Niiiiice. / Utahraptor: But isn't this just reinforcing your own opinions? / T-Rex: No, man! / T-Rex: People can still disagree with me, but they're now at least saying they don't have any special expertise! / Utahraptor: In your opinion, you mean, and you're probably totally wrong! / T-Rex: Utahraptor, despite your obvious criticism, I'm still way into my new suffix! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: "In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. In my opinion, I mean, and I'm probably totally wrong!" / God: SEE T-REX / God: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I KEEP MAKING IT SO YOU NEVER GET A PRINTING PRESS
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1650
too obit to quit T-Rex: Some people have their obituaries published early, and then they get to read their own obituaries. Attention: obituary editors! / T-Rex: I AM TOTALLY INTO THIS. / T-Rex: I'd love to see what society thinks of me, how they sum up all my achievements, what words they finally choose to best describe my well-muscled and yet sexually alluring frame! Newspapers, please feel free to publish mine tomorrow! I SERIOUSLY PROMISE NOT TO MIND. / Dromiceiomimius: I'm pretty sure papers only have obits pre-written for famous people. / T-Rex: ...What? / Utahraptor: Yeah, when an obituary gets run prematurely, it's always for someone famous! / T-Rex: Man, that DOES make sense! / T-Rex: As a kid I thought newspapers kept obits for EVERYONE, updating them throughout their lives! They were like Santa, keeping track of use, drawing narrative threads together! I'd just never critically evaluated that belief as an adult. / Utahraptor: Really? / T-Rex: YES, REALLY. / T-Rex: Welp, I guess childhood is over for me! / Utahraptor: You still have Batman pillowcases on your bed, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Welp, I guess childhood continues unabated for me!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1651
too obit to quit T-Rex: Some people have their obituaries published early, and then they get to read their own obituaries. Attention: obituary editors! / T-Rex: I AM TOTALLY INTO THIS. / T-Rex: I'd love to see what society thinks of me, how they sum up all my achievements, what words they finally choose to best describe my well-muscled and yet sexually alluring frame! Newspapers, please feel free to publish mine tomorrow! I SERIOUSLY PROMISE NOT TO MIND. / Dromiceiomimius: I'm pretty sure papers only have obits pre-written for famous people. / T-Rex: ...What? / Utahraptor: Yeah, when an obituary gets run prematurely, it's always for someone famous! / T-Rex: Man, that DOES make sense! / T-Rex: As a kid I thought newspapers kept obits for EVERYONE, updating them throughout their lives! They were like Santa, keeping track of use, drawing narrative threads together! I'd just never critically evaluated that belief as an adult. / Utahraptor: Really? / T-Rex: YES, REALLY. / T-Rex: Welp, I guess childhood is over for me! / Utahraptor: You still have Batman pillowcases on your bed, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Welp, I guess childhood continues unabated for me!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1651
oh t-rex, shouting doesn't make you any easier to understand T-Rex: Ancients pondered for years about which came first: the chicken or the egg? Um, guys! / T-Rex: Clearly the egg came first!! / T-Rex: There were egg-laying mammals before chickens, so it's really not that mind-bending a conclusion. One example is, I don't know... YOUR MOM?? / Dromiceiomimus: While she does not predate chickens, my mother has laid eggs, yes. / T-Rec: EXACTLY! Mine too / Utahraptor: Okay, so what came first, the chicken or the CHICKEN egg? / T-Rex: Depends on what a chicken egg is! / T-Rex: If it's an egg laid BY a chicken, then by definition the chicken came first. But if it's an egg that will hatch INTO a chicken, then that can easily be laid by a non-chicken, so eggs win again! EVOLUTION, BABY. / Utahraptor: I guess it's settled then! / T-Rex: I GUESS IT IS. / MEANWHILE, IN ANCIENT GREECE: / T-Rex: Aristotle! Stop wasting your time wondering if chickens or eggs came first! / Aristotle: <> / T-Rex: Aristotle! I DON'T SPEAK GREEK
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1652
i actually wrote this comic months ago but was waiting for aristotle to come into the comic NATURALLY, which happened yesterday due to last-panel contemporaneous time travel, it was completely natural Narrator: FUN FACTS ABOUT ... ARISTOTLE! / T-Rex: Aristotle is one of the biggest figures in Western philosophy! Dude basically invented it. Fun! / T-Rex: He also thought the Earth was the literal center of the Universe! Fun! / T-Rex: But we can't fault him for that, because he also came up with an objective and clearly defined method of accumulating and verifying knowledge whose descendant - the scientific method! - we're still using today. He also thought that women were a lower form of life, because he found them to be ... um, physically colder? / T-Rex: F-Fun! / Utahraptor: He also expressed many of the fundamental laws of logic for the very first time! / T-Rex: Fun! / Utahraptor: And coming back to women, he argued they weren't fully human, AND he believed that slavery was natural. Fun! / T-Rex: Oh, history. Aren't there ANY figures from 2000 years ago that share all our current modern-day beliefs? / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: ... BESIDES the version of me that was sent back in time and left snarky-ass notes carved into rocks, which, when assembled properly, read "FUTURE" "ME" "I'M" "TRAPPED" "IN" "THE" "PAST" "SO" "YOU" "CAN" "JUST" "SUCK" "AN" "EGG"??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1653
 
originally i wrote "nobody knows who first played hamlet", but we do! it was richard burbage. good work, richard! God: T-REX WAIT HOW DID YOU KNOW THOSE 2000-YEAR-OLD ROCKS WERE CARVED BY YOU / T-Rex: God, please! / T-Rex: I've long made it a habit to assume ANY unknown historical figure is me! / T-Rex: It's a great assumption. Not only does it turn me into the most influential person in history, but it ensures that at some point before I die, I'll go back in time and set things up so things are exactly as I remember them now. If that means being an unknown figure throughout history thousands of times, so be it! It sounds rad to me! / Utahraptor: What if you never actually go back in time though? / T-Rex: No worries! / T-Rex: On my deathbed I'll say "Aw man, I always thought I'd go back in time and mess with history", and then hopefully I'll disappear in a flash of temporal light because, actually, I've just gone back in time to mess with history. / Utahraptor: ...I see. So if I said that nobody knows who the historical King Arthur was? / T-Rex: I'd say, "That's me!" His exploits shall be going to have been being done by me! / Utahraptor: Future perfect continuous passive? / T-Rex: Ahem. Future perfect continuous passive, bitches.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1654
in writing this comic I looked up what flavours fruit roll-ups currently come in, and among them is "Crazy Pix Cool Chix Berry Wave". friends, I call that poetry. T-Rex: Guys! Is it too late for a career change? What's the consensus of when it's too late for a career change? / Narrator: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR A CAREER CHANGE T-REX / T-Rex: Super! / T-Rex: Alright, from now on I am a FLAVOUR SCIENTIST, and before you say "That's not a real job, that's something gourmands with labcoats call themselves", I will tell you that we flavour scientists are responsible for all them natural and artificial flavours in the processed food you eat. / Dromiceiomimus: "All THOSE natural and artificial flavours", you mean. / T-Rex: Please, Dromiceiomimus, I'm a scientist. / Utahraptor: So flavour scientists invent tastes, then? / T-Rex: Precisely! / Utahraptor: Well I'm hoping you'll invent tastes yet untasted, T-Rex. Throw off the shackles of outrageous orange and "screamin' green"! Let's see what nostalgia tastes like, or summer! Give me my romance flavoured Fruit Roll-Ups! / T-Rex: I'm on it!! / Narrator: LATER. / T-Rex: Okay! Which do you want to try: "criminal obsession", or "nightmare terror"? / Utahraptor: Uh... nightmare terror, I guess? / T-Rex: Excellent! BUT I WARN YOU: / T-Rex: They're both basically scabs and grape juice
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1655
we interrupt our normal comics for a thinly-fictionalized account of how i plumb fell down the stairs T-Rex: Okay, yes, I'll admit it. Last night I fell down the stairs. But it doesn't make me less of a man! In fact, it makes me MORE of a man! / T-Rex: I fell down stairs and I am none the worse for wear! / T-Rex: And before you ask what happened, Dromiceiomimus, I'll assure you I was simply being ultra manly, and then I was being TOO manly, and then I fell down the stairs. / Dromiceiomimus: What really happened? / T-Rex: I... um, I just stood up too fast and then I passed out. Don't spread it around, though, okay? It's kinda UNMANLY. / Utahraptor: What? There's nothing unmanly about that! / T-Rex: I stood up too fast while exiting a HOT TUB. / Utahraptor: Men go in hot tubs! They're manly!! / T-Rex: The water was dyed pink. Aaaand there was a sign pointing to the hot tub that said "WIMPY DUDES (IN THEIR OWN WIMPY TEARS)". / Utahraptor: There -- / T-Rex: And I was right beneath the arrow, waving to everyone who passed by. / T-Rex: Huh! You know what? / T-Rex: In retrospect, there already were some serious concerns with how my day was going
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1656
we interrupt our normal comics for a thinly-fictionalized account of how i plumb fell down the stairs T-Rex: Okay, yes, I'll admit it. Last night I fell down the stairs. But it doesn't make me less of a man! In fact, it makes me MORE of a man! / T-Rex: I fell down stairs and I am none the worse for wear! / T-Rex: And before you ask what happened, Dromiceiomimus, I'll assure you I was simply being ultra manly, and then I was being TOO manly, and then I fell down the stairs. / Dromiceiomimus: What really happened? / T-Rex: I... um, I just stood up too fast and then I passed out. Don't spread it around, though, okay? It's kinda UNMANLY. / Utahraptor: What? There's nothing unmanly about that! / T-Rex: I stood up too fast while exiting a HOT TUB. / Utahraptor: Men go in hot tubs! They're manly!! / T-Rex: The water was dyed pink. Aaaand there was a sign pointing to the hot tub that said "WIMPY DUDES (IN THEIR OWN WIMPY TEARS)". / Utahraptor: There -- / T-Rex: And I was right beneath the arrow, waving to everyone who passed by. / T-Rex: Huh! You know what? / T-Rex: In retrospect, there already were some serious concerns with how my day was going
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1656
s/marriage/A RACE AROUND THE WORLD T-Rex: Sometimes when you love someone a lot, you're willing to say, "I'm pretty sure I'm going to love you until I'm dead, EVEN IF I don't die for a totally long time!" / Narrator: PROPOSING MARRIAGE / Narrator: a web card / T-Rex: Sometimes you're willing to say that although the future is unknowable, and although our cells are replaced by new ones so in the end the person we are at 60 isn't really the same person we were at 20, not really, not even physically, although there are elements of continuity in personality, sure, but what is that except how we respond to events, and that's just habit -- / Dromiceiomimus: THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS CARD LOVES YOU. / T-Rex: Yes!! The person who sent this card loves you so much! / Utahraptor: They love you more than anyone on the PLANET! / T-Rex: And so it comes down to this: they want to explore the rest of their life with you. A marriage can be anything you want it to be, and they want to build one with you. / Utahraptor: Aww! / T-Rex: Will you marry the sender of this, the most romantic of the free web cards? / Checkbox: Yes! / Checkbox: No. / Checkbox: Who is this, I don't recognize the from address at all
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1657
s/marriage/A RACE AROUND THE WORLD T-Rex: Sometimes when you love someone a lot, you're willing to say, "I'm pretty sure I'm going to love you until I'm dead, EVEN IF I don't die for a totally long time!" / Narrator: PROPOSING MARRIAGE / Narrator: a web card / T-Rex: Sometimes you're willing to say that although the future is unknowable, and although our cells are replaced by new ones so in the end the person we are at 60 isn't really the same person we were at 20, not really, not even physically, although there are elements of continuity in personality, sure, but what is that except how we respond to events, and that's just habit -- / Dromiceiomimus: THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS CARD LOVES YOU. / T-Rex: Yes!! The person who sent this card loves you so much! / Utahraptor: They love you more than anyone on the PLANET! / T-Rex: And so it comes down to this: they want to explore the rest of their life with you. A marriage can be anything you want it to be, and they want to build one with you. / Utahraptor: Aww! / T-Rex: Will you marry the sender of this, the most romantic of the free web cards? / Checkbox: Yes! / Checkbox: No. / Checkbox: Who is this, I don't recognize the from address at all
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1657
when rats attacked him at night, he was all, "frig, guess i'll just DOMESTICATE SOME FERAL CATS to keep the rats away then!" NICE. alexander selkirk solved PROBLEMS. T-Rex: In 1704, Alexander Selkirk was a sailor who was all, "DUDES, pretty sure this ship is going to sink." Then later, he was all - / T-Rex: "Pretty sure it's still gonna sink, dudes!!" / T-Rex: So at his own request his sailor friends marooned him on a deserted island and sailed away. And it turns out they did sink! But Alex didn't know that on account of how he was marooned alone for the next FOUR YEARS. He thought he'd be rescued in days, not years! / Dromiceiomimus: How'd he survive? / T-Rex: He ate vegetables and shot feral goats, left behind from earlier voyages! / T-Rex: And when his gunpowder ran out, he hunted with his BARE FRIGGIN' HANDS. / Utahraptor: Sounds pretty manly! / T-Rex: Man, he was ultimate manly! He made clothes out of goat skin, sewing them with a NAIL. When his shoes wore out, he discovered his feet had levelled up so much that he didn't even need 'em anymore. And after he was rescued, he went back out to sea! / Utahraptor: What finally killed him? / T-Rex: He died of yellow fever while at sea. It totally sucks, because if his yellow fever had been as big as a goat instead of microscopic, he would've killed it BY HAND and eaten it. / T-Rex: It sounds gross but I totally think he would've done it!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1658
 
i pay my insurance company "protection money" T-Rex: I don't rent my place. Oh no. / T-Rex: I pay my landlord a monthly bribe to ensure the roof over my head doesn't disappear! / T-Rex: And when I'm hungry, you know what I do? I walk right into a grocery store, steal a cart, fill it up with whatever foods I want, and then I FINANCIALLY COERCE their cashiers to let me leave with the goods! Other times I barge into a diner, sit myself down, and just TELL whoever comes by what I want cooked for me. And all it costs is a little "hush money" at the end of the meal! / Utahraptor: You're pretty bad-ass, T-Rex! / T-Rex: I'm the bad-assingest! / T-Rex: It all started, Utahraptor, when I decided to stop paying bills and instead start offering bribes. / Utahraptor: For the precise amount of the bill, yeah. / T-Rex: Not always! At restaurants I like to "sweeten the pot", and that little kickback is taken. Every. Single. Time. / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: $15 in accumulated chequing overage fees?! / T-Rex: ATTENTION, BANK: / T-Rex: I am not fully convinced you've earned SO MANY TINY BRIBES
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1659
i pay my insurance company "protection money" T-Rex: I don't rent my place. Oh no. / T-Rex: I pay my landlord a monthly bribe to ensure the roof over my head doesn't disappear! / T-Rex: And when I'm hungry, you know what I do? I walk right into a grocery store, steal a cart, fill it up with whatever foods I want, and then I FINANCIALLY COERCE their cashiers to let me leave with the goods! Other times I barge into a diner, sit myself down, and just TELL whoever comes by what I want cooked for me. And all it costs is a little "hush money" at the end of the meal! / Utahraptor: You're pretty bad-ass, T-Rex! / T-Rex: I'm the bad-assingest! / T-Rex: It all started, Utahraptor, when I decided to stop paying bills and instead start offering bribes. / Utahraptor: For the precise amount of the bill, yeah. / T-Rex: Not always! At restaurants I like to "sweeten the pot", and that little kickback is taken. Every. Single. Time. / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: $15 in accumulated chequing overage fees?! / T-Rex: ATTENTION, BANK: / T-Rex: I am not fully convinced you've earned SO MANY TINY BRIBES
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1659
i am beginning to think the lyrics to pop songs DON'T have all the answers T-Rex: Has my effect on the world been a net positive or a net negative thing? / T-Rex: Dudes! I have no idea!! / T-Rex: How do you measure positive influence? If I'd invented PEACE it would be easy. But peace was already totally invented when I was born! Similarly, if I'd invented a machine that only causes pain, then it's easy to see that I'm probably a net drain on the planet. / Dromiceiomimus: A device that only causes pain? / T-Rex: You know, scissors that only work on soft, living flesh or whatever. / Utahraptor: Those could be used by doctors! / T-Rex: TRUE. And that's why it's so muddled! / T-Rex: The guy who invented the Nobel Prize also invented dynamite! Oppenheimer worked on the atomic bomb AND on his relationships! How am I supposed to figure out if I'm net good or bad? / Utahraptor: In the end, make sure the love you take is equal to the love you make? / T-Rex: Um, Utahraptor! / T-Rex: That puts me back at ZERO
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1660
awesome fun times! T-Rex: It's true, everyone! / T-Rex: Your parents were totally awesome! / T-Rex: They made a series of decisions small and large that led to their meeting and your birth, which sounds boring until I rephrase it and tell you they held THE VERY FACT OF YOUR LIFE in their hands, casually and unwittingly playing with the essence of your existence! Also, they lived in a world where you didn't even exist, which is something YOU'LL never be able to say! / Utahraptor: That doesn't make my parents awesome! / T-Rex: Sure it does! / T-Rex: Living in a universe without you? It was TOTALLY RAD, Utahraptor. I'd tell you more about it, but, you know. / T-Rex: It's too awesome. / Utahraptor: Man, you're not that much older than me! / T-Rex: Besides, if we live for the same amount of time then I'LL get to live in a world where you no longer exist! / T-Rex: What?! Do you think it's going to be cool?? / Utahraptor: Maybe!! / T-Rex: Noooooo
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1661
skip all the classes and ace the final, you'll feel great T-Rex: Attention, folks with low self-esteem! / T-Rex: Pretty sure you've got no-one to blame for that but yourself!! / T-Rex: And by that I mean, of course, only that it's really easy to feel good about yourself. For instance, I've recently picked up a hobby, and it's been super great! I signed up for an English as a Second Language course. / Dromiceiomimus: English is already your first language, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Guess what, Dromiceiomimus? Now it's my second language too!! / T-Rex: The courses are SO EASY, Utahraptor! / Utahraptor: Yeah, I'd imagine! / T-Rex: Seriously, I'm top of the class! By like, a really large margin. / Utahraptor: But can't you see someone with low-self esteem feeling even worse, once they realize they've spent all this money on a class they don't need just to feel better than others who haven't had the same advantages? / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Dear audio diary! Is it terrible to say "It occurs to me that if I had different friends, I wouldn't be wrong all the time"? / T-Rex: Because it totally occurs to me that if I had different friends, I wouldn't be wrong all the time!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1662
skip all the classes and ace the final, you'll feel great T-Rex: Attention, folks with low self-esteem! / T-Rex: Pretty sure you've got no-one to blame for that but yourself!! / T-Rex: And by that I mean, of course, only that it's really easy to feel good about yourself. For instance, I've recently picked up a hobby, and it's been super great! I signed up for an English as a Second Language course. / Dromiceiomimus: English is already your first language, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Guess what, Dromiceiomimus? Now it's my second language too!! / T-Rex: The courses are SO EASY, Utahraptor! / Utahraptor: Yeah, I'd imagine! / T-Rex: Seriously, I'm top of the class! By like, a really large margin. / Utahraptor: But can't you see someone with low-self esteem feeling even worse, once they realize they've spent all this money on a class they don't need just to feel better than others who haven't had the same advantages? / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Dear audio diary! Is it terrible to say "It occurs to me that if I had different friends, I wouldn't be wrong all the time"? / T-Rex: Because it totally occurs to me that if I had different friends, I wouldn't be wrong all the time!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1662
skip all the classes and ace the final, you'll feel great T-Rex: Attention, folks with low self-esteem! / T-Rex: Pretty sure you've got no-one to blame for that but yourself!! / T-Rex: And by that I mean, of course, only that it's really easy to feel good about yourself. For instance, I've recently picked up a hobby, and it's been super great! I signed up for an English as a Second Language course. / Dromiceiomimus: English is already your first language, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Guess what, Dromiceiomimus? Now it's my second language too!! / T-Rex: The courses are SO EASY, Utahraptor! / Utahraptor: Yeah, I'd imagine! / T-Rex: Seriously, I'm top of the class! By like, a really large margin. / Utahraptor: But can't you see someone with low-self esteem feeling even worse, once they realize they've spent all this money on a class they don't need just to feel better than others who haven't had the same advantages? / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Dear audio diary! Is it terrible to say "It occurs to me that if I had different friends, I wouldn't be wrong all the time"? / T-Rex: Because it totally occurs to me that if I had different friends, I wouldn't be wrong all the time!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1662
first person to decode it wins a t-shirt!! then i'll put the decoded version here. GO GO GO T-Rex: In the 1600s scientists from history were discovering a lot of things about science! It was an exciting time to be a scientist from history! / T-Rex: But they were also concerned about people stealing their ideas! / T-Rex: So while still working out the particulars, they'd publish the basics of their ideas IN SECRET CODE. Robert Hooke's published his law of elasticity as "ceiiinosssttuv". And Newton wrote a letter to his chum Leibniz where he was all "6accdae13eff7i2l9n4o4qrr4s8t12ux", which uses numbers to represent how often the letters appear, and which, unencoded, is the Latin version of, oh, I don't know, HIS FUNDAMENTAL THEORY OF CALCULUS?? / Utahraptor: And unbeknownst to him, Leibniz was working on inventing calculus too! / T-Rex: Exactly! / T-Rex: So when Leibniz announced he'd invented calculus, Newton said he'd invented it first! But if Newton had just told Leibniz about calculus instead of encoding it in the first place, there'd have been no controversy. / Utahraptor: It was an exciting time to be a scientist AND an anagramist! / T-Rex: Indeed! In comparison, being an anagramist today is totally boring, as nobody is encoding fundamental discoveries into word games anymore. / T-Rex:12t10o8e7a6l6n6u5i5s5d5h5y3I3r3fbbwwkcmvg
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1663
first person to decode it wins a t-shirt!! then i'll put the decoded version here. GO GO GO T-Rex: In the 1600s scientists from history were discovering a lot of things about science! It was an exciting time to be a scientist from history! / T-Rex: But they were also concerned about people stealing their ideas! / T-Rex: So while still working out the particulars, they'd publish the basics of their ideas IN SECRET CODE. Robert Hooke's published his law of elasticity as "ceiiinosssttuv". And Newton wrote a letter to his chum Leibniz where he was all "6accdae13eff7i2l9n4o4qrr4s8t12ux", which uses numbers to represent how often the letters appear, and which, unencoded, is the Latin version of, oh, I don't know, HIS FUNDAMENTAL THEORY OF CALCULUS?? / Utahraptor: And unbeknownst to him, Leibniz was working on inventing calculus too! / T-Rex: Exactly! / T-Rex: So when Leibniz announced he'd invented calculus, Newton said he'd invented it first! But if Newton had just told Leibniz about calculus instead of encoding it in the first place, there'd have been no controversy. / Utahraptor: It was an exciting time to be a scientist AND an anagramist! / T-Rex: Indeed! In comparison, being an anagramist today is totally boring, as nobody is encoding fundamental discoveries into word games anymore. / T-Rex:12t10o8e7a6l6n6u5i5s5d5h5y3I3r3fbbwwkcmvg
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1663
 

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