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worked kinda hard to avoid having to break up "Beethoven" with a dash, was entirely unsure as to where ... T-Rex: Beethoven wrote some pretty okay symphonies, but then he started going deaf! And so rather than talking to people he couldn't hear, he'd have written conversations with them instead. / T-Rex: We've still got these conversation books today! / T-Rex: It's amazing, Dromeceiomimus! We have records...
"as erotic as possible under the circumstances": the t-rex story T-Rex: "Antonio Tony and Amelia wake up in a world where suddenly everyone has gone blind - EXCEPT FOR THEM. Antonio and Amelia turn to each other and whisper 'Oh sheesh, everyone has gone blind except for us!' so now we know what's going on." / T-Rex: "They go outside and see a lot of folks bumping...
the best guns are made out of steel! hopefully anyway, i actually have no idea T-Rex: "Amelia and Antonio Tony decided to no longer have sex! This was some pretty exceptional character development. They both said the next few days were going to be intense. They said this during their now-copious free time." / T-Rex: "'Copious sounds like copulation', ejaculated Antonio!" / T-Rex:...
the best guns are made out of steel! hopefully anyway, i actually have no idea T-Rex: "Amelia and Antonio Tony decided to no longer have sex! This was some pretty exceptional character development. They both said the next few days were going to be intense. They said this during their now-copious free time." / T-Rex: "'Copious sounds like copulation', ejaculated Antonio!" / T-Rex:...
ANYWAY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION T-REX WHAT'S THE POINT OF CREATING TALKING DINOSAURS IF YOU CAN'T CHAT ... God: T-REX WHICH ARE BETTER DOGS OR CATS / T-Rex: I guess PERSONALLY I prefer dogs. So hey! I don't mean to be rude, but as God, um - / T-Rex: Don't you have anything better to do? / God: OH HEY T-REX I HAD A BUSY WEEK A WHILE BACK IN WHICH I CREATED WHAT WAS IT AGAIN OH YEAH / God: THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE / God:...
the miracle of life has evolved an inordinate amount of tasty treats Narrator: T-REX HAS A BELLY ACHE / T-Rex: And it's ridiculous! 3.8 BILLION YEARS of evolution and my belly still has problems if I eat ALL the chicken wings? That might be baloney sandwiches! / T-Rex: That's probablu a 100% baloney sandwich buffet!! / T-Rex: 3.8 billion years ago evolution was all,...
 
what you are seeing is a picture of a t-rex torn precisely between fighting crime and selling vitamin ... T-Rex: I may have been too hard on evolution the other day. The fact that plants have photosynthesis IS pretty awesome! / T-Rex: We're surrounded by living creatures that EAT SUN. / T-Rex: And then I realized: any animal that I eat either eats plants or eats another animal! Thus does cruel mistress...
if you're made uncomfortable by the contraction "i'd've", know that you are NOT ALONE: this is one super ... T-Rex: I have some bad news, everyone. I hope everyone is sitting down, because everyone is going to hear my bad news in like two seconds. / T-Rex: We are almost certainly not living up to our potential! / T-Rex: I know, it sucks! / T-Rex: But here's the thing: even if you're super talented AND super...
the "4" in panel six is actually because i ran out of space, and this word/number substitution is nothing ... T-Rex: Alright dudes, listen, it's time to MAN UP. It's time for us to become more CULTURALLY MASCULINE. / T-Rex: It's time to CONFORM TO WHAT STRANGERS THINK A MAN SHOULD BE! / T-Rex: Perhaps you need to take a leadership role in something, or perhaps there is a challenge you have failed that you...
the "4" in panel six is actually because i ran out of space, and this word/number substitution is nothing ... T-Rex: Alright dudes, listen, it's time to MAN UP. It's time for us to become more CULTURALLY MASCULINE. / T-Rex: It's time to CONFORM TO WHAT STRANGERS THINK A MAN SHOULD BE! / T-Rex: Perhaps you need to take a leadership role in something, or perhaps there is a challenge you have failed that you...
kinda wish i'd called the comic "utahraptor's pal, t-rex", not even gonna lie about this Narrator: "TROUBLE 4 UTAHRAPTOR" COMICS STARRING "UTAHRAPTOR'S PAL T-REX" / T-Rex: Oh no! Is Utahraptor in trouble again? IS he in ALL the trouble? To reiterate slightly: / T-Rex: Has trouble finally come... FOR UTAHRAPTOR? / T-Rex: What can we do, Dromiceiomimus? We've got to help Utahraptor out! / Dromiceiomimus:...
i had to fix panel two TWICE because i kept rewriting it and accidentally putting in the right "who's", ... T-Rex: Books I would not like my name attached to include "Dealings with Feelings", "Racist Grandpas: Not Hardly As Racist As ME" and "Check It Out: Controversial Opinions on Paedophilia". / T-Rex: Also "Now Whose Written A Grammar Text?" / Dromiceiomimus: Books I would not like MY name attached to...
 
later still: aw crap, my giant brain is back up but it turns out it's full of terrible things uploaded ... T-Rex: Perhaps I can get insight into myself by, instead of examining what I know, looking at what I DON'T know! For example, I don't know anything about what happened in 1900 BCE. / T-Rex: Sorry if awesome sweet times happened, 1900 BCE dudes! / T-Rex: Similarly, I don't know how to turn wool into...
every time i mention that the dinosaurs are naked i think, "aha! that's why qwantz.com is classified ... T-Rex: I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but here we are, and there's nothing left for me to do but say it. / T-Rex: Fashion is WAY TOO HARD. / T-Rex: For serious! / T-Rex: I think, "Oh, I'll get a nice vest, that's fashionable!" but then I wear it with the wrong shirt and OH NO, now I've somehow clothed...
arguably, the word "explosive" is autological if you form it out of sticks of tnt. the only problem ... T-Rex: The best words MIGHT be autological words, you guys! / T-Rex: These are words that describe something that also describes the word itself! / T-Rex: For example, the word "short" is itself short, and the word "multisyllabic" has more than one syllable in it. Soooo crazy! / Dromiceiomimus: And...
dinosaur comics. yes, but under very different circumstances from those expected. T-Rex: Gentlemen and gentlewomen, thank you for joining me today. As I said in my letter that drew you here, I have and exciting proposition to put to each of you: I propose we undertake a voyage! / T-Rex: I propose we undertake a voyage to no lesser target than the south pole!! / Dromiceiomimus: Are...
shackleton doesn't show up in this little comic arc again but I had to work him in here, because frank's ... Narrator: OKAY T-REX, YOU'RE CAPTAIN ROBERT SCOTT AND YOU'VE MADE A TRIP TO ANTARCTICA ON THE DISCOVERY. IT WAS A BIG SUCCESS! YOU GOT PROMOTED TO CAPTAIN. / T-Rex: I thought I already was captain! / Narrator: NO, I CALLED YOU THAT BECAUSE THAT'S THE RANK YOU DIE WITH. / T-Rex: I'm gonna DIE?! / Narrator:...
 
my diary on the day *i* failed to reach the south pole reads "dear diary: today at the office was pretty ... Narrator: T-REX YOU'RE CAPTAIN SCOTT AND YOU'RE BACK IN ANTARCTICA. YOU'RE TRYING TO REACH THE SOUTH POLE. / T-Rex: "Ice" to see you again, Antarctica!! / Narrator: I CAN 100% GUARANTEE SCOTT NEVER SAID THAT. / T-Rex: "Icy" you think Captain Scott didn't make hilarious puns!! / Narrator: RIGHT. SO ON...
scott was bad ass: "Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage ... Narrator: SO THIS IS THE SADDEST PART OF ROBERT SCOTT'S STORY, T-REX. / T-Rex: Getting to the south pole a month late wasn't sad enough? / Narrator: WELL, IN THIS PART, EVERYONE DIES. / T-Rex: ...of old age? / Narrator: NOPE: EXPOSURE. THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE AS THE TEMPERATURE DROPS. / T-Rex: what happens? / Narrator:...
things t-rex has the loosest grasp on: christianity, female anatomy, macroeconomics, the list goes on T-Rex: I am not a guy who has the best record with Christmas presents! Or the best record with presents in general. Or the best um, record, of any description. / T-Rex: ANYWAY THAT IS ALL CHANGING TODAY. / T-Rex: I'm going to get thoughtful experiential gifts, Dromiceiomimus! I'm going to examine...
all riddles end with "what the hell??" and involve vin diesel, any "riddle" you come across that does ... T-Rex: Riddles! Everyone loves riddles, and I HAVE GOT A RIDDLE FOR YOU. Vin Diesel was walking down the street and found $50. Instead of taking it, he went into town and stole a fish! What the hell? / T-Rex: ANSWER: Vin Diesel is a cat! / Dromiceiomimus: Wait. Why was Vin Diesel involved again? / T-Rex:...
wait, no! it's the t-1000, but instead of relentlessly working towards killing someone, it relentlessly ... T-Rex: There's all these really interesting and amazing people out there: people who know so many awesome things and DO so many awesome things that I'm like, "HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?" / T-Rex: That's what I'm like! / T-Rex: And I want in! / T-Rex: How did these people get to be so awesome? Did they...
wait, no! it's the t-1000, but instead of relentlessly working towards killing someone, it relentlessly ... T-Rex: There's all these really interesting and amazing people out there: people who know so many awesome things and DO so many awesome things that I'm like, "HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?" / T-Rex: That's what I'm like! / T-Rex: And I want in! / T-Rex: How did these people get to be so awesome? Did they...
 
written to beethoven symphony 5, first movement, allegro con brio T-Rex: The Devil, come quick!! / Devil: GREETINGS T-REX WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM / T-Rex: Nothing, just making sure you're there!! / / Devil: T-REX SOME PEOPLE SPEND THEIR ENTIRE LIVES GRAPPLING WITH A DEVIL THEY CAN'T SEE BUT WHOSE INFLUENCE THEY PERCEIVE / YOU ARE SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE PLAYING...
t-rex's imagination is actually pixel-perfect; WHY WOULD HE LIE?? God: T-REX YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON LEFT ALIVE ON EARTH WHAT DO YOU DO / T-Rex: Oh crap OH CRAP oh crap!! ohhhhhhhhhhh craaaaaaa- / T-Rex: -ap! Also frig! / T-Rex: Oh crap OH CRAP oh hey, Dromiceiomimus! You're still alive! / Dromiceiomimus: Yep! ACTUALLY, I've been still alive since the day I was born. / T-Rex:...
meanwhile, in tudor england: william shakespeare is having act 2 of romeo and juliet end with all the ... Narrator: LITERARY TECHNIQUE COMICS / Narrator: today's technique: CLIFFHANGERS / T-Rex: Cliffhangers are when you leave things unresolved, so the audience stays... / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: ... around! It's so the audience stays around. / T-Rex: Usually there's some threat that makes things SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE,...
On Christmas Eve it turns out T-Rex actually got thoughtful gifts for everyone! And Utahraptor didn't ... T-Rex: It's Christmas Eve Eve and I've gotten everybody like zero presents / T-Rex: And there's no sign of Christmas being cancelled either! / Dromiceiomimus: You were HOPING for Christmas cancellation? / T-Rex: Man, it happens all the time in cartoons!! Santa gets a cough and then OH NO, Christmas...
8,765 hours of minecraft and civ, no regrets T-Rex: The year is almost over, you guys! We've hat 8,765 hours a year to GET THINGS DONE. I'm gonna say what we're all thinking: / T-Rex: DUDES. What have we accomplished? / Dromiceiomimus: Well, if you consider the fact that your body is constantly turning air and water and food into YOU, that's...
 
you'll notice those backhairs when they're big enough to show up in these sequential photographs i'm ... God: HEY T-REX HAVE YOU MADE A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION / T-Rex: I totally have! And it is a SECRET! / God: OKAY BUT THE THING IS NOTHING IS REALLY SECRET FROM ME GOD / T-Rex: Except for... my resolution? / God: T-REX I COULD RECREATE THE UNIVERSE WITH THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BEING YOU TELL ME YOUR RESOLUTION...
you'll notice those backhairs when they're big enough to show up in these sequential photographs i'm ... God: HEY T-REX HAVE YOU MADE A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION / T-Rex: I totally have! And it is a SECRET! / God: OKAY BUT THE THING IS NOTHING IS REALLY SECRET FROM ME GOD / T-Rex: Except for... my resolution? / God: T-REX I COULD RECREATE THE UNIVERSE WITH THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BEING YOU TELL ME YOUR RESOLUTION...
dinosaurs were around for 65 million years, so we can expect they had at least two dinosaur batmans, ... T-Rex: We start with the number of children born to billionaire parents each year! / T-Rex: We take that and multiply it by the chance of someone becoming an Olympic athlete! / T-Rex: And we multiply that number by the unfortunate chance someone will witness their parents become the victims of violent...
here's my best estimate for the number of habitable planets in the universe: lots, i hope!! T-Rex: We start with the number of planets orbiting red suns! / T-Rex: And we multiply that by the chance of a planet having an unstable nuclear core! / T-Rex: And we multiply that by the fortunate chance of having a parent who is a literal rocket scientist. / Dromiceiomimus: Good god! You're not -...
GLRPE TM MMXI T-Rex: The number of Spider-men depends on the number of real-life superpower-granting spiders, which I'm pretty sure is zero. The number of Hulks depends on the number of gamma bomb blasts granting superpowers, which, again: zero. / T-Rex: This DOES explain why no Spider-men Hulks have tried to steal...
this comic should not be taken as actual incitement to kill billionaires and train their children, dinosaur ... T-Rex: Maybe I've been taking the wrong approach with trying to work out the odds of superheroes. Statistics are passive! It's time for ACTION. It's time for me to START KILLING BILLIONAIRES. / T-Rex: It's time for me to start up charities that offer bereaved children peak physical conditioning! / T-Rex:...
 

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