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| dentists i know you don't want me to brush after fantasy food but also, come on, you do | T-Rex: Here are some professions whose female members I could never marry because I’d be such an uncontrollably bad husband to them! / T-Rex: First: dentists! / T-Rex: I respect what they do but I’m sorry lady oral hygiene professionals, I can’t brush and floss three times a day plus... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=845 |
| what could possibly go wrong | T-Rex: I am enamoured with writing things in cheque memo fields. It is a rare chance for comedy in the otherwise staid world of financial services and automated cheque processing! / Narrator: KIDS SERIOUSLY DO THIS AT HOME NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN / T-Rex: I have always been a fan of writing "stop following... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=846 |
| one day t-rex will come up with the perfect plan for immortality and i'll present it in comic form and ... | T-Rex: I have another plan for immortality!
/ God: BUT THOSE PLANS NEVER WORK T-REX / T-Rex: This time for sure! / T-Rex: I will be remembered in the CULTURAL ZEITGEIST. And this time I won’t even have to do anything memorable! I will simply become famous by virtue of being famous. I will construct... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=847 |
| how is it that there's no hits in a google search for 'i don't think i love the way you do'? how could ... | T-Rex: The Uncanny Valley is the name given to the idea that as we build robots that look more and more like real people, the more we approach a point where we all say "oh God oh God what is wrong with that robot where did it all go wrong OH GOD". / T-Rex: This also applies to animation! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=848 |
| t-rex knew that he wasn't that into skulls at all really, but he was too far in to turn back now. | Narrator: HOW TO ATTRACT MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
/ T-Rex: Yes! THIS is a topic I know ALL ABOUT. / T-Rex: Okay! The first way is to draw attention to your hips! / T-Rex: This is because women have larger more flared hips than men do, on account of secondary sexual characteristics! So all heterosexual... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=849 |
| BACKSTORY: there's a new game called 'ultimate real-life road trip simulator' and the devil wants to ... | Devil: MMM T-REX I'VE NOT YET EXPERIENCED A NON-VIRTUAL ROAD TRIP AND WAS WONDERING IF CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE LIKE
/ T-Rex: In one sentence starting with "Dude"?
/ Devil: FINE / T-Rex: Dude, road trips rule! / T-Rex: What's special about them is that it's a time when you and your friends can sit... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=850 |
| BACKSTORY: there's a new game called 'ultimate real-life road trip simulator' and the devil wants to ... | Devil: MMM T-REX I'VE NOT YET EXPERIENCED A NON-VIRTUAL ROAD TRIP AND WAS WONDERING IF CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE LIKE
/ T-Rex: In one sentence starting with "Dude"?
/ Devil: FINE / T-Rex: Dude, road trips rule! / T-Rex: What's special about them is that it's a time when you and your friends can sit... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=850 |
| sorry chicks! i will have to inspire YOU later | Narrator: INSPIRATION FOR DUDES
/ T-Rex: Dudes! Are you in need of inspiration? / T-Rex: Then dudes, come on!! It's time to get inspired! / Narrator: INSPIRATION 1: SUNSETS?
/ T-Rex: Sunsets can be inspiring in you are a sensitive dude, or a super weepy dude.
/ Dromiceiomimus: Or a solar scientist dude!
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=851 |
| if you don't fantasize in pixel IM conversations then um, what are you waiting for | T-Rex: I don't understand how people could have seriously thought that the world was flat.
/ T-Rex: Did they have a case of the crazies? / T-Rex: DID THEY?? / T-Rex: Because if you accept that the world is a finite plane, then it's got limits, and what's at the edge of those limits?
/ T-Rex: A vertical... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=852 |
| an alternate ending had t-rex and utahraptor both growing mustaches and calling themselves "hairbuddi... | T-Rex: Man! Time for me to grow some friggin' FACIAL HAIR. / / T-Rex: YES. / T-Rex: This is one situation where men have the clear gender advantage!
/ Uahraptor: Facial hair? / T-Rex: Yep! Sure, women get to feel the miracle of life growing inside them and the joy of birth or of laying eggs or WHATEVER,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=853 |
| if you are a machine intelligence that can read comics on the internet, then wow! that's awesome! thanks ... | Narrator: HOW TO PASS THE TURING TEST
/ Narrator: a helpful comic for machine intelligences that "just have trouble in test situations" / T-Rex: The Turing test is a test that all emergent intelligences face at one point or another! / T-Rex: In it, you have a REAL person engaged in a text conversation... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=854 |
| t-rex is sick and utahraptor imagines a book | T-Rex: Oh man, am I ever sick. Me! I never get sick but this time I've gotten sick. / T-Rex: My mighty body lies in shambles! / T-Rex: Oh, Dromiceiomimus, you've got to save me! Failing that, tell them my story. Regale future generations with stories of Mighty T-Rex, felled by nothing greater than... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=855 |
| Your search - "dudes forsooth" - did not match any documents. | T-Rex: Do you get to write your own epitaph? If you do, then mine will seriously be "Here lies T-Rex: the radical dude with the radical 'tude!" Or even *T-Rex: smart and trim; let's be like him"! / T-REX'S BUSY DAY / Dromiceiomimus: Aw, you're always on about epitaphs, T-Rex! How about something new,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=856 |
| different ways to say goodbye, in case you were, um, wondering | Narrator: DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY GOODBYE:
/ T-Rex: Later!
/ Narrator: THAT WAY'S OKAY / Narrator: NEVER USE THIS WAY PLEASE:
/ T-Rex: Compadres! I bid you each: ADIEU! / Narrator: THIS WAY IS ALSO PRETTY TERRIBLE:
/ T-Rex: It's not "goodbye", just – "farewell". This isn't the end, Dromiceiomimus,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=857 |
| meritocracy and toplessness, together in a comic for the first time ever in the history of time | God: HEY T-REX
/ God: TODAY IS THE DAY WHEN EVERYONE HAS TO TELL A STORY FROM THEIR PAST BEGINNING WITH "I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET TOPLESS"
/ T-Rex: Denied! / T-Rex: TODAY is the day we talk about meritocracy! / T-Rex: In a meritocracy all jobs, including government jobs, are assigned based on MERIT.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=858 |
| my life is situated by the male gaze and i'm okay, i work all night and i sleep all day | Devil: MMM SALUTATIONS T-REX
/ Devil: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE MALE GAZE
/ T-Rex: I have, actually! It's a film theory. / T-Rex: The idea is that the camera is situated by and for men! / T-Rex: Thus, we always see more of the woman's body than we do of the man's in film - the camera possesses the (heterosexual)... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=859 |
| welcome to film theory transitioning to poo jokes week, here at qwantz.com | T-Rex: Okay okay - time to solve ALL the problems. / Narrator: PROBLEM 1: NOT ENOUGH SALT
/ T-Rex: Buy more salt! It's free from the ocean? / Narrator: PROBLEM 2: TRAPPED IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE; THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED
/ T-Rex: Um. I don't know how to solve this problem.
/ Dromiceiomimus: Divorce?
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=860 |
| LESBIANS AND DUDES, together at last?? | Narrator: COMICS FOR DUDES AND LESBIANS!
/ Narrator: today's comic:
/ Narrator: HOW TO GET A WOMAN TO LIKE YOU / T-Rex: Okay dudes and lesbians! Getting a woman to like you is easy! / T-Rex: There are plenty of websites, magazine articles and body spray ads that will reassure you that women are just... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=861 |
| this comic TRIES to make up for the fact that in the last comic i made the assumption that all dudes ... | Narrator: COMICS FOR HETEROSEXUAL CHICKS AND TOTALLY GAY DUDES! Narrator: todays comic
/ Narrator: HOW TO GET A MAN TO LIKE YOU / T-Rex: Okay heterosexual chicks and totally gay dudes! Getting a man to like you is TRIVIAL. / T-Rex: Have you tried sexing him up?
/ Narrator: THE END / Utahraptor: T-Rex,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=862 |
| this comic TRIES to make up for the fact that in the last comic i made the assumption that all dudes ... | Narrator: COMICS FOR HETEROSEXUAL CHICKS AND TOTALLY GAY DUDES! Narrator: todays comic
/ Narrator: HOW TO GET A MAN TO LIKE YOU / T-Rex: Okay heterosexual chicks and totally gay dudes! Getting a man to like you is TRIVIAL. / T-Rex: Have you tried sexing him up?
/ Narrator: THE END / Utahraptor: T-Rex,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=862 |
| nobody can steal the 'in the hall of the mountain king as performed by the screams of children' idea ... | Narrator: COMICS FOR ASEXUAL CHICKS AND DUDES!
/ today's comic
/ UM, HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM WANTING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU / T-Rex: I suggest telling them that you're asexual! / T-Rex: PROBLEM: SOLVED.
/ T-Rex: The end! / Utahraptor: That uh, that might not be the most helpful advice T-Rex!
/ T-Rex: Explain! / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=863 |
| let's get this party STARTED | T-Rex: I have received complaints. Apparently I use too many exclamation marks! APPARENTLY I AM TOO EXCITABLE. Well, not anymore! Today is a day of level-headedness! / T-Rex: Starting right... NOW! / T-Rex: So. How are you Dromiceiomimus?
/ Dromiceiomimus: I'm fine, T-Rex!
/ T-Rex: That's good.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=864 |
| BY POPULAR DEMAND: comics in which the phrase 'sex party' appears in every panel? | T-Rex: I have a friend who got an email invitation to a sex party! Someone here did not recieve a corresponding invitation.
/ T-Rex: THAT PERSON IS ME / Narrator: T-REX AND THE SEX PARTY / T-Rex: Not that I want to go to a sex party, but I had no idea you could get invited to them over EMAIL, and, um,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=865 |
| 100% knowledge of the universe and you can predict it with 100% accuracy, so there's that | T-Rex: Determinism is the idea that every event and thought ever is predetermined! This determination is NOT done by fate or God or whatever, but rather by an almost endless chain of prior events. Causality is king! / T-Rex: Also: there's also no such thing as a random event! / T-Rex: A nice benefit... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=866 |
| can i - can i be a fictional character please | T-Rex: When you break up with someone, can you still be friends? / T-Rex: Sources say, "Yep! SURE CAN!" / T-Rex: I think it's a good idea because you loved them, right? I don't see that changing just because you broke up. They still must be pretty great!
/ Dromiceiomimus: But - what if you broke up... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=867 |
| vous aimez quelques frites avec cette secousse? | Narrator: "THE TALENT SHOW"
/ T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I have a great idea for our act: let's put on a play! / T-Rex: A Batman play! / Dromiceiomimus: A Batman play? What's a Batman play?
/ T-Rex: It's a play about BATMAN! I'll play Batman!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Sorry T-Rex! NOT INTERESTED. / Utahraptor: My... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=868 |
| executive summary: t-rex is worried about his own prejudices, but then a jerky guy insults him and he ... | T-Rex: So there's this guy I know, and he must be a friend of a friend because I see him sometimes at parties, but WE can never be friends because I find looking at him intensely frustrating. He has the world's most punchable face! / Narrator: T-REX AND THE GUY WITH THE WORLD'S MOST PUNCHABLE FACE / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=869 |
| those who question t-rex's ethnic heritage get a mandatory free meal at the Buffet | T Rex: In the past I have called my fists "Knuckles and Chuckles", and then later upgraded to the truly compelling "Rocco and Choco, the Twins! Who! Punch!" but now I have an even better nickname! / T Rex: The CHINESE BUFFET! / T Rex: That way I can menace someone with my fists and say "Do you WANT... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=870 |
| it was a slow day on earth prime, but check out earth omega! stuff be HITTING THE FAN! | T-Rex: What a lovely day for a walk! I enjoy crisp fall air AND the changing colour of the leaves. / T-Rex: Ladies and gentlemen: I am down with fall! / God: I'M DOWN WITH FALL TOO T-REX
/ T-Rex: Okay! Because if you're down with fall then you're down with me.
/ Dromiceiomimus: I'm also down with fall,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=871 |
| gimme a hug | T-Rex: Attention world! Who wants to come over and help me celebrate... / T-Rex: ...SUPERMAN'S BIRTHDAY?? / Dromiceiomimus: You're celebrating the birthday of a fictional character?
/ T-Rex: Sure am! While Superman may be fictional, the cake and good times will be SUPER real!
/ Dromiceiomimus: I might,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=872 |
| eleventh night; the merchant-in-training of venice; anthony and patros and cleopatra | T-Rex: I have the best idea ever for a series of books! Oh MAN. I'll be rich and famous.
/ T-Rex: Two words: / T-Rex: Shakespeare prequels! / T-Rex: Cha-ching! It's great, because everyone loves Shakespeare AND ALSO finding out what characters were up to before they got interesting. It'll be Hamlet,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=873 |
| so many fantasies made tangible through mass production | T-Rex: Woo! Hallowe'en! I love Hallowe'en because I love dressing up. / T-Rex: I also love LOOKING at people who are dressed up. It's on account of how costumes are awesome! / Dromiceiomimus: Hey, have you noticed, T-Rex, how all the women's costumes for sale seem to have added the word "sexy" in front... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=874 |
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