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| if anyone reading this can make this product happen, please, feel free | T-Rex: Who owes me money? Utahraptor owes me money! / T-Rex: Homeboy owes me 30 bucks! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, does Utahraptor owe YOU any money? Because he owes me 30 bucks and I was thinking, if he owes you money too, maybe we could team up and get him to pay.
/ Dromiceiomimus: No T-Rex, nobody... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=965 |
| t-rex is misrepresenting the bikini a bit. it's not just red, it's one of those american flag bikinis ... | T-Rex: People don't want traditional! They want NEW and SEXY. If people wanted traditional we'd all be driving around on Model T horses or whatever. / T-Rex: With that in mind, I have started a new religion: Buddhism 2! / T-Rex: Buddhism 2 is like Buddhism, but bigger, badder, and better than ever.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=966 |
| oh t-rex, nobody says 'gangsta rap songs'. people will think you're square. | T-Rex: Is there any conceivable better form of music than out-of-genre cover songs? The answer is no! The FULL answer is "No, there is nothing better! I love them all SO MUCH! I can never take this back." / Narrator: T-REX LOVES OUT-OF-GENRE COVER SONGS
/ Narrator: they're great / T-Rex: They're... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=967 |
| today is the day i roll over from comic2-999.png to comic2-1000.png | Narrator: COMICS FOR HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN
/ Narrator: today's comic
/ Narrator: HOW TO PLEASE A MAN
/ T-Rex: Ladies! Pleasing a man is EASY! / T-Rex: Here are some simple sexy secrets to pleasing your man! / T-Rex: Men love a woman who remembers his birthday. Try remembering your man's birthday, and them... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=968 |
| astute readers will notice that t-rex is defending his joke by trying to argue that the stereotype is ... | Narrator: COMICS FOR HETEROSEXUAL MEN
/ Narrator: today's comic:
/ Narrator: DUDES! I TOTALLY GAVE THE CHICKS SOME TIPS
/ T-Rex: Dudes: that is correct! / T-Rex: I have used my "in" with the ladies to spread around some tips! / T-Rex: I told them that we like birthdays and cool presents and when they... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=969 |
| it's 'cause sometimes they'll charge you if you don't eat what you take and then t-rex will only charge ... | T-Rex: Wait a minute! WAIT JUST A MINUTE. / T-Rex: Fruits are INSANE! / T-Rex: I plant a banana tree and I come back a while later and it's transformed dirt into bananas. Fruit is just - congealed sunlight and dirt! That's CRAZY Dromiceiomimus! How do plants do it? I wouldn't know where to even start... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=970 |
| um he played "frasier" on "frasier" | T-Rex: I have a brilliant idea for revenging myself against TV's Kelsey Grammer. Oh yes. / Narrator: THE REVENGE OF T-REX / T-Rex: All I have to do is put out a major motion picture and include in it a brilliant role for Kelsey. It will be a dazzling, moving role, but will also play to his type as... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=971 |
| as soon as you buy into solipsism you change "I think, therefore I am" into "I think, therefore maybe ... | T-Rex: The opposite of solipsism (where you believe you are the only real person who is imagining a universe) is antisolipsism, in which you believe everyone is real except you! I may have just made this up. Anyway! / T-Rex: You believe you're totally fake! / T-Rex: You're just a sustained figment... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=972 |
| like kurosawa i make mad films, 'kay i don't make films, but if i did they'd have a zombie guy | T-Rex: Similar to antisolipsism but ACTUALLY REAL is the Cotard Delusion, in which the person affected believes they have died. / T-Rex: So it goes! / T-Rex: The condition was first identified over 100 years ago. This is UNFORTUNATE, because it was identified before the proper nomenclature was in place.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=973 |
| this comic goes out to my stinky sofa. oh, stinky sofa, what am i going to do with you | T-Rex: Panpsychism is the belief that everything in the universe has consciousness - not just chicks and dudes, but even inorganic matter like steel! Even the stinky ol' sofa that nobody likes because it stinks when you sit on it. / God: DUDE THROW OUT THE SOFA
/ T-Rex: I hear you, man! / T-Rex: Anyway,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=974 |
| things happen for a reason | T-Rex: I don't like it when something bad happens. Well, IN PARTICULAR, I don't like it when something bad happens and people say that "there's a reason" for it happening! / T-Rex: It turns bad things into a value proposition! / T-Rex: I'm all for optimism and for comforting people, so it's not TERRIBLE,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=975 |
| behind me in line i would prefer bad standup to dramatic sighing | T-Rex: There sure are a lot of songs about dancing! I have probably heard at LEAST three hundred songs about dancing. / Narrator: ACTUALLY YOU'VE HEARD 1365 SONGS ABOUT DANCING
/ T-Rex: Aww, you counted! / T-Rex: So why is music so reflexive? There aren't tons of paintings about PAINTING, for example.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=976 |
| magic realism is where you tell a realistic story but then have the characters turn each other into frogs ... | T-Rex: Depressive realism is the theory that depressed people have a more accurate view of the world than the non depressed. It started when psychologists experimented with some regular chicks and dudes AND some depressed chicks and dudes. / T-Rex: That's how these things always start!! / T-Rex: Anyway,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=977 |
| it's a quiet "woo" because any larger and you'd all be overcome with the soul-felt emotion! do not aim ... | T-Rex: It occurs to me that I've never written a love poem! I'm a romantic guy - how hard can it be? I can probably conjure up unfathomable depths of soul-felt emotion like THAT. For instance, here is "I just got kissed... on the lips!" / T-Rex: Woo! / T-Rex: Okay, okay, check this out, Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=978 |
| followed up by t-rex's "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Cat Who Ate a Person", and the more educational ... | T-Rex: Okay, so I can't write love poetry. That's fine. There are plenty of dudes who will write it for me. But I can PROBABLY write a pretty kick-ass SHERLOCK HOLMES story! / T-Rex: I will call it, "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Mummy's Curse!" / T-Rex: In it, Holmes and Watson will come across... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=979 |
| sometimes newborn babies are confused and THEN cry. it can go either way, amiright? | T-Rex: Okay okay - so there's been a lot of people born, right? In the history of time there are a lot of people who have been born. So the question is, are there enough people in the world that I could write out a story... / T-Rex: ... and reasonably expect it to have already been LIVED OUT in real... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=980 |
| it's like - sometimes i write about the sadness and beauty in life and at other times i put dinosaurs ... | T-Rex: Here are some jokes about horses. Why do horses like waterskiing?
/ GOD: I DON'T KNOW WHY T-REX
/ T-Res: Um... because they're horses! / GOD: T-REX THAT'S HORSE RACIST
/ T-Rex: What?! / T-Rex: How is it racist? Nobody thinks that horses are super waterskiers.
/ GOD: NOT YET YOU ARE MAKING UP NEW... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=981 |
| i drew those thought bubbles all by myself. | Narrator: T-REX HAS A HOUSEGUEST:
/ T-Rex: Sure do! I have a friend who is visiting from INTERNET. He's pretty rad! But there is a problem... / T-Rex: He walks on my damn carpets with his damn shoes on! / T-Rex: Who does that? He's PROBABLY getting dirt all over the carpets like nobody's business!
/ Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=982 |
| in today's comic, a dinosaur tells off shakespeare for not agreeing with him about foreshadowing! now ... | T-Rex: Foreshadowing is when you hint at what's about to happen next in a story! It happens whenever a character announces "BOY I SURE HOPE THERE ARE NO EXPLOSIONS ON THE NEXT PAGE!!" just before he gets blown up!
/ T-Rex: In an EXPLOSION! / Narrator: LITERARY TECHNIQUES COMICS
/ Narrator: today's technique:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=983 |
| xkcd readers: i meant 'don't forget your dirty ass-shoes', of course! | T-Rex: MAYBE I am a little uptight about my carpets. Some dudes are probably raised to shoe-walk on carpets all the time, and I guess it kind of makes sense, since they ARE on the floor. / T-Rex: I wonder what things would be like if I were less uptight about carpets! / Narrator: T-REX'S FANTASY SEQUENCE
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=984 |
| if i were smart, i would have put dromiceiomimus' birthday on the same day as a loved one, because then ... | Narrator: T-REX IS ON THE PHONE:
/ T-Rex: It's Patrick! He bought life insurance! / Narrator: BUT THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT NOW!
/ T-Rex: Gotta go, Patrick! / Narrator: THE REASON THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT NOW IS THAT TODAY IS DROMICEIOMIMUS' BIRTHDAY! SHE IS STILL AS AWESOME AS THE DAY SHE WAS BORN.
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=985 |
| the futurist gastronomical nightmare is a guy eating pasta with one arched eyebrow | T-Rex: Futurism was an art movement where dudes were all "CARS ARE COOL AND THE PAST IS FOR CHUMPS. LET'S DRAW SOME CARS." / Narrator: FUTURISM COMICS / T-Rex: But they also extended beyond art, to food! Futurists had a MANIFESTO for food. It banned the knife and fork and pasta, AND told people that... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=986 |
| some people noticed that dromiceiomimus' birthday (mentioned two days ago) had previously been established ... | T-Rex: Hallowe'en is coming up! Soon! Soonish, anyway. Hallowe'en is coming up in several months. I'm probably going as a pretty pretty princess. Anyway. / T-Rex: I'm writing a Hallowe'en story! A spooky story called "The Haunted Nun Who Dies!" / Dromiceiomimus: She lives in a haunted house, and then... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=987 |
| some people noticed that dromiceiomimus' birthday (mentioned two days ago) had previously been established ... | T-Rex: Hallowe'en is coming up! Soon! Soonish, anyway. Hallowe'en is coming up in several months. I'm probably going as a pretty pretty princess. Anyway. / T-Rex: I'm writing a Hallowe'en story! A spooky story called "The Haunted Nun Who Dies!" / Dromiceiomimus: She lives in a haunted house, and then... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=987 |
| if this is the first dinosaur comic you've ever read then let me explain. the italics are sinister raccoon ... | Raccoon and Cephalopod neighbors: T-REX, HAVE YOU EVER TASTED YOUR OWN BODY?
/ T-Rex: No I have not PLEASE don't tell me what it's like, PLEASE.
/ Raccoon and Cephalopod neighbors: IT'S PRETTY NEAT! / Raccoon and Cephalopod neighbors: IT'S LIKE LICKING A MIRROR / T-Rex: ...and THAT'S the reason why I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=988 |
| if this is the first dinosaur comic you've ever read then let me explain. the italics are sinister raccoon ... | Raccoon and Cephalopod neighbors: T-REX, HAVE YOU EVER TASTED YOUR OWN BODY?
/ T-Rex: No I have not PLEASE don't tell me what it's like, PLEASE.
/ Raccoon and Cephalopod neighbors: IT'S PRETTY NEAT! / Raccoon and Cephalopod neighbors: IT'S LIKE LICKING A MIRROR / T-Rex: ...and THAT'S the reason why I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=988 |
| this is the second instance of a soggy dog popping up dinosaur comics. it may be the rhetorical iconography ... | God: HOW CAN YOU GET MORE PEOPLE READING COMICS T-REX
/ T-Rex: I don't know, God! / T-Rex: ...Maybe by making them more awesome? / God: THAT'S YOUR ANSWER TO EVERYTHING T-REX BUT COMICS ARE ALREADY EXCEPTIONALLY AWESOME
/ T-Rex: This is true! I guess they still have a stigma attached to them, though,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=989 |
| i made up 'burn that bridge when we come to it' in high school, but it turns out plenty of other people ... | T-Rex: Would I ever want to get married one day?
/ T-Rex: I don't know! Maybe! / T-Rex: I guess I'll burn that bridge when I come to it? / T-Rex: I do kinda feel like I should ALREADY know the answer to "do you want to get married someday", you know, Dromiceiomimus? Its such a big thing -- you're sharing... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=990 |
| computer users: t-rex was buying ram! he upgrades his computer just like we do! | T-Rex: Man, what a jerky guy! I met the jerkiest guy working at the computer store. / Narrator: T-REX AND THE REALLY JERKY GUY
/ A STORY OF "THE HUMAN CONDITION" / Dromiceiomimus: What made him so jerky, T-Rex? His haircut?
/ T-Rex: Worse than that. He was just so smug about everything! I wanted to buy... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=991 |
| jack thompson i get my ideas about video games from the devil too! he informs me that my centipede high ... | The Devil: T-REX I WAS RECENTLY SPECULATING ON THE PROMISE OF AR AND WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD REMARK ON THIS MATTER
/ T-Rex: I don't even know what Ayar is! Please don't tell me.
/ The Devil: IT IS AN ACRONYM FOR AUGMENTED REALITY / T-Rex: Aw man, now I know one more nerd thing!! SO MUCH FOR KISSING... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=992 |
| guest week 2007: chris hastings and kent archer of the adventures of dr. mcninja! | [[A man sits at a table with his breakfast; a piece of bacon hangs limply from the fork in his hand. He hears a voice in the distance]]
/ T-Rex: LET'S TALK ABOUT ANT MAN!
/ T-Rex: I GOT ISSUES WITH THIS GUY / < http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=993 |
| guest week 2007: liz greenfield of stuffsucks.com! | T-Rex: Well, summer is just around the corner -
/ God: T-Rex, stop. Just stop. Nothing you say can ever justify that FAKE TAN.
/ T-Rex: Hey man! This tan is 100% totally real! I've been working out... AT THE BEACH. / T-Rex: WORKING OUT TO IMPRESS THE LADIES.
/ Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, you look like Godzilla... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=994 |
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