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| i am thinking of writing a comic about the Midas Flesh, can you tell | Narrator: THE MYTH OF KING MIDAS
/ T-Rex: Midas was a king who was nice to a friend of the God of Wine, and so he gets a wish from the God of Wine! NICE! And so Midas wishes that everything he touched would turn to gold. / T-Rex: Instantly the ground he's standing on transforms into gold! / T-Rex: The... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1355 |
| i'm sassy AND classy | T-Rex: Attention, people who are breaking up with someone! Don't say "it just wasn't meant to be", okay? / T-Rex: You are greatly complicating your breakup! / T-Rex: Because now instead of simply saying "hey listen for my tastes you are WAY too sassy" you are saying "hey listen okay there's this all-powerful... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1356 |
| gravity is a property of matter. bill! bill! bill! bill bill bill bill nye, the science guy. | T-Rex: So gravity happens because matter bends spacetime and blah blah blah. But dudes, I had a crazy idea! What if instead of gravity being a property of matter, it was a property of the ENTIRE FRIGGIN' UNIVERSE? / T-Rex: Have all minds within the sound of my voice been COMPLETELY AND IRREVOCABLY... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1357 |
| I have a great idea for a comic you guys! | T-Rex: I have a great idea for a comic you guys! / [[Blank panel]] / T-Rex: Okay so there's a single panel with three stand-up comics on stage, each in front of a microphone, talking and smiling, making gestures, that sort of thing. And in the foreground there's a guy in the audience who's whispering... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1358 |
| ATTENTION LINGUISTS! i do wince every time I use words derived from "anthropology" in my comic, but i ... | T-Rex: Oh my goodness I just figured out what I was meant to do with my life. I have discovered my CALLING. / T-Rex: Body farm owner!! / T-Rex: Forensic anthropologists want to study how bodies decompose in different circumstances! And so they go to their neighborhood BODY FARM, which is basically... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1359 |
| so hey another fun thing about a body farm would be that if you have a friend who drinks too much and ... | T-Rex: Okay so this game is called "Guess Two Thirds of the Average"! We all pick a number between 0 and 100 and guess what 2/3rds of the average of everyone else's guesses will be! / T-Rex: The winner is the person who guesses the closest number! / T-Rex: So let's say everyone else chose 100 - you'd... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1360 |
| i'm not putting another god before you! i'm putting you and all other gods in a line, EQUALLY. | T-Rex: Dudes! / T-Rex: There are a lot of friggin' religions! / T-Rex: And let's say you're a lady or fellow who thinks "Man, heaven sounds like okay times! I've GOT to get in on that action." But you're stymied, because which religion should you choose? There's like a billion different ones, and if... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1361 |
| that fruit stand / car chase thing is pretty awesome. you'd be forgiven for thinking that it was all ... | T-Rex: I have kissed a lady. I have seen PLENTY of beautiful sunsets. I've even driven a car through a fruit stand during a car chase! / T-Rex: ...What's left? / T-Rex: This, my friends, is the malaise of the glutton at life's buffet, The Man Who Achieved Too Much Too Soon. He looks ahead, his life... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1362 |
| i realized after writing it that you can read this comic as being prejudiced against disability, seniors, ... | Narrator: WHAT ARE ONE IN SEVEN CANADIANS UP TO?
/ T-Rex: One in seven Canadians is living with a disability! / T-Rex: But one in seven Canadians is ALSO productively employed in the agri-food industry! / Dromiceiomimus: So they're not allowing a disability to affect their job performance! Nice.
/ T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1363 |
| because in wars if you fight for too long then you become your enemy, remember | T-Rex: Zombies versus vampires! They're the new pirates versus ninjas verses ants that combined themselves together to form the shape of a giant ant! / T-Rex: And the question is: who would win in a fight? / T-Rex: Unfortunately the question is ridiculous because zombies and vampires have no reason... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1364 |
| can you believe i wrote this whole comic before i thought of the phrase "holy ghost"? i can. I JUST LIVED ... | T-Rex: I wonder what it's like being a ghost. Immortality coupled with incorporeality seems like a potent combination! Is it TRULY 24/7 party times?
/ T-Rex: There's one way to find out! / Narrator: "A TALK WITH GOD" / T-Rex: Excuse me, God! What's being a ghost like?
/ God: WHAT I AM NOT A GHOST... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1365 |
| LATER: T-REX'S HOUSE IS NEVER DISCOVERED AND ALL THAT HE ACCOMPLISHED TURNED TO DUST :o :o :o | T-Rex: Cave painting: check. Renaissance-era painting: check. Astrolabe from the Age of Discovery stuffed inside my computer: check! / T-Rex: It appears I have finished decorating my house! / Dromiceiomimus: That's a pretty eclectic set of decorations!
/ T-Rex: It is! But here's my angle: let's say... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1366 |
| revenge by carnivorism | T-Rex: The best way to revenge yourself on an animal is to eat it. / T-Rex: Everyone knows it but they leave it to ME to say it out loud! / T-Rex: And this is the problem with vegetarians!! If a cow sasses me, I can say "Oh yeah? Well guess what, wise guy?! I will use your flesh for digestive energy."... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1367 |
| sometimes people ask me "what is dinosaur comics about?" and sometimes all i can say is "about six panels, ... | T-Rex: "T-Rex," she said "I'm in love with you." She gazed into his eyes, smiling. "I thought differently about it, and it's DEFINITELY because you're so handsome and intelligent." / T-Rex: T-Rex laughed! / T-Rex: "Baby," he replied, "it's also because I am sexy and loveable and smart and manly... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1368 |
| remote-controlled cars: just as awesome as world peace? you all nodded in agreement when you read that, ... | T-Rex: People say to me, "T-Rex, what do you want for Christmas?" This year I have the perfect gift idea! / T-Rex: Peace on Earth! / T-Rex: I'm serious! People SAY this a lot, but they're always adding a "oh hey if that doesn't work out remote controlled cars are just as awesome", which, WHILE TRUE,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1369 |
| utahraptor's being generous. the profile actually had the spouse interest written down as "spuoses" | T-Rex: I need to get the best present EVER for Utahraptor this year. And that present is clearly, a - um... a... / Narrator: HERE IS WHERE IT ALL GOES WRONG:
/ T-Rex: A spouse!! / T-Rex: It's the best gift! If things go well then years later people will say "How did you two meet?" and he can say "T-Rex... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1370 |
| can someone update t-rex's wikipedia page to say that in the past, he has kissed up wikipedia? don't ... | Narrator: WIKIPEDIA HAS BECOME A REAL PERSON!
/ T-Rex: Yes, I don't know how it happened but it's true! Wikipedia is a woman now. / T-Rex: And she's super smart, too! / T-Rex: You ask her about frogs, and bam! She knows ALL ABOUT THEM. And then you ask her about trains, and she's all, "Did you mean... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1371 |
| Daffy Duck the daffy duck | T-Rex: Today is the day I bring back the word "daffy"!
/ God: LIKE THE DUCK
/ T-Rex: NO NOT LIKE THE DUCK / T-Rex: It means "crazy"! / T-Rex: And it USED to be a good adjective, until Daffy Duck showed up and stole it and now when I say "daffy" everyone thinks "duck"! He only wants the adjective for... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1372 |
| if i eat the flesh of my enemies, can i turn them into my brains, and thus have their OWN BODY think ... | Heading: ASK PROFESSOR SCIENCE
/ T-Rex: Our letter to Professor Science comes from me! I write: / T-Rex: "Dear Professor: How do I know which food that I ate got turned into my eyes?" / T-Rex: I really thought I wrote that one better. Wow.
/ T-Rex: Anyway, what I meant was this: how do we know what... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1379 |
| t-rex's "screw those guys, man" phrase discriminates against women twice in one sentence! what's the ... | T-Rex: I found out about the best word yesterday: "frigorific"! It means "cold". With this word I can now finally say the sentence, "DAAAAMN, girlfriend, that was totally frigorific!" / T-Rex: I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT SENTENCE. / Dromiceiomimus: "Frigorific" is actually old news, T-Rex! It... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1380 |
| let's get off the reproduction treadmill. also, let's go get some whoppers with cheese. maybe we can ... | T-Rex: Okay so we've all evolved from lesser beings and in order to continue the species, we have a genetic imperative to reproduce! / T-Rex: And this is PROBABLY why sexin' is fun times! / T-Rex: And I'm told that when you hold your newborn child in your arms for the first time, this is a transcendental... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1381 |
| when i'm an old man and my license is about to expire, the last time i go driving i'm going to be SO ... | T-Rex: I am a generous guy! If someone wants to go in front of me in traffic, I slow down and let them in. / T-Rex: But it's all an act! / T-Rex: I let someone cut in front of me for two reasons: because I figure this way it's more likely they'll do the same for me in the future, and because I recognize... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1382 |
| t-rex has become a counselship relationer. | Narrator: T-REX HAS BECOME A RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLOR.
/ T-Rex: Yep! / T-Rex: It's not that hard, you guys! / T-Rex: Someone comes in and says "Boo hoo I have trouble with one or more of my RELATIONSHIPS", and what do I say? I say "How does that make you feel?" and they say "Sad" and I say "But talking... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1383 |
| this is all i have to say about oil, except for that you shouldn't drink it, because i saw a james bond ... | T-Rex: Everyone, there's no need for all this fussin' and a-feudin'! / T-Rex: Oil is totally a renewable resource! / T-Rex: We just have to give it time, okay? We'll all go and do something else for a while, when we come back there'll be oil EVERYWHERE. The place will be rotten with it, and then... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1384 |
| statistically it's likely that someone reading this comic was playing chess with someone and they had ... | T-Rex: Let's say you're playing chess with someone, and suddenly they have a fatal heart attack. This is the best possible way to win, you guys! / T-Rex: You have kicked their ass at chess so HARD that they DIED. / T-Rex: It doesn't matter if you were losing when they kicked the bucket: you've still... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1385 |
| don't tell anyone else though, okay? | T-Rex: What is love? Love is "a strong positive emotion of regard and affection". It was a silly question to ask because the answer is right there in the dictionary! / T-Rex: But that's too easy. We have to complicate up that business! / T-Rex: Maybe we'll insist that love can't be defined, that it's... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1386 |
| it's like turtles with mutagen. it happens in seconds!! | T-rex: So it turns out that there's different kinds of love. / T-rex: I know! Who knew? / T-rex: There's ROMANTIC LOVE, but there's also the love you feel for a family member, an activity, religious love, a sandwich, and so on. And we call all these "love", which maybe is why people are so confused... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1387 |
| what you need to imagine here is an english lit prof in tweed with a case of the righteous punches | T-Rex: I am a fan of knowing things! Generally, the more things you know, the better prepared you are for someone asking "Hey, do you know all about 18th century literature?" / T-Rex: Because then if you know about 18th century literature you can punch them aside and say "OBVIOUSLY!" / T-Rex: But... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1388 |
| red! red!! WIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE | T-Rex: You know who hasn't written a screenplpay for a while?
/ God: MOST PEOPLE
/ T-Rex: But especially me!! / T-Rex: And that's going to change right now! / T-Rex: Okay, so the scene opens in a spaceship and it's the future! The ship is this huge mechanical leviathan, all pipes and metal catwalks,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1389 |
| you could have all these slogans printed on one shirt, but that is a very busy shirt. | T-Rex: All funny t-shirts use the same unmodified t-shirt canvas: / T-Rex: Slogan on the front! And maybe on the back sometimes! / T-Rex: Forget that, man! Let's kick it up a notch or two! Let's break free of our self-imposed t-shirt boundaries.
/ Dromiceiomimus: How? Funny sweaters? Funny evening gowns?... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1390 |
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