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| i used "hakeem" so that all the hakeems in the audience will be startled!! | T-Rex: Animals sometimes have names that share the first letter of their species. Tony the Tiger, Katy the Kangaroo, Ernie the Elephant, and so on. Ridiculous! But just as ridiculous... / T-Rex: ...as every human being who has a name that starts with "H"!! / T-Rex: I had this realization just now so... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1513 |
| we say "let's party!!" all the time, it is time to admit it | T-Rex: We say "Let's Party!!" all the time, but when we say "Let us Party!!" it sounds hella formal! / T-Rex: "Let's" is a crazy contraction, you guys! / T-Rex: Other contractions sound a little formal when uncontracted ("You will definitely love this" versus, "You'll definitely love this"), but "let's"... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1514 |
| thank you, 19-minute version of "lady madonna" by the rose hill junior high school jazz ensemble, for ... | T-Rex: It's safe to eat chalk, right? Probably?
/ T-Rex: Probably it's safe to eat chalk? / T-Rex: Let us totally assume that it's safe to eat chalk!! / T-Rex: And seriously, if it's not safe to eat chalk then it's DEFINITELY safe to eat sawdust. And even if it's not, there's got to be things that'll... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1515 |
| how could i mention "teri hatcher" and not mention dean "sugar" cain, who starred as superman? um obviously ... | T-Rex: Hey, you graduated high school! Super. / T-Rex: Why haven't you got a university degree yet? / T-Rex: You say you've got several, all the way up to a PhD? Neat! Only, how come you haven't published more papers? You have? How come you don't have honourary degrees? You do! But how come yours... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1516 |
| i can hear jenn is downstairs watching a morning show on tv and i'll tell you this: i could do a better ... | T-Rex: People's last words are sometimes awesome. It's a thing: if they get the chance to, folks choose them carefully! In contrast, people's first words are usually boring, similar AND similarly boring! / T-Rex: We need to start recording people's middle words! / T-Rex: I'd love to know what my middle... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1517 |
| by my calculations, even a randomly-chosen predictive bet is 99.999% more likely to turn out to be true ... | T-Rex: Sometimes people who disagree on the future will make a public bet: I bet the ice caps will melt in 10 years, you disagree, and we go public, each betting $1000 on the outcome! / T-Rex: This, my friends, is awesome! / T-Rex: One of us will win not only $1000 dollars of PURE PROFIT, but also... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1518 |
| you may not like this comic, but your kids are gonna love it. IF YOU BRING THEM UP RIGHT | T-Rex: If I get married, we have to play "Earth Angel" as the first dance, okay? / T-Rex: You guys! It'll be amazing!! / Dromiceiomimus: That's that climactic slow dance from Back to the Future, right? Why do you like it?
/ T-Rex: Oh! It's - romantic? I, um - I like how he says he will love the eponymous... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1519 |
| they are the wipes that mime the hand of a clock passing a full cycle. they're - they're the best wipe. ... | T-Rex: I am a sensible guy who does sensible things. My favourite expression is "Fellows! Let us be SENSIBLE." However! / T-Rex: I am not all guys! / T-Rex: Some guys wake up in the morning, and they're crazy. They don't know how many men they'll punch that day. They write in their diary and say,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1520 |
| three worse reasons for donating sperm than the sense of mystery: "i was told there would be pizza", ... | T-Rex: Guys, it's not hard to stay fully unknowable even to yourself. There's an easy way to go through life and still have mysteries. All you have to do is... / T-Rex: ...donate some friggin' sperm! / T-Rex: Find a program where they don't inform you when your sperm is used, and you're done! From... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1521 |
| followers on my ryanqnorth twitter account already know that i would buy "horse game 64"; now they know ... | T-Rex: Why do we say "rest in peace"? Is it just for the "rest in pieces" pun we can make when we explode someone? / T-Rex: Because if so, I approve 100%! / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: ALTERNATE ENDING
/ T-Rex: Why do we say "rest in peace"? Is it just-
/ Utahraptor: It comes from Latin! / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1522 |
| this comic allows you to almost pinpoint the point where the "let us" experiment ended for t-rex | God: HEY T-REX DO YOU BELIEVE MONEY MAKES PEOPLE HAPPIER
/ T-Rex: Let's discuss! / T-Rex: I think it's clear that at some income levels, money DOES buy happiness! / T-Rex: If you can't afford to eat or buy diapers for your child and then you can, that money will make you happy and have obviously bought... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1523 |
| this is also my theory on webcomics: webcomics help to show people who don't like comics that the medium ... | Devil: MMM GREETINGS T-REX WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THE RISE OF CASUAL GAMING
/ T-Rex: Nobody should be excluded from games just because they can't afford a cummerbund, top hat, and pince-nez! / Devil: I WAS CLEARLY REFERRING TO SIMPLER VIDEO GAMES BUILT FOR A CASUAL AUDIENCE
/ T-Rex: Ah! / Devil: ON... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1524 |
| LET'S GO HAVE SOME INTELLIGENT FRIGGIN' BABIES! LATER ON ONE OF THEM MIGHT BLOW UP A ROCK IN SPACE | T-Rex: Guys! There's a VOLUNTARY EXTINCTION movement. If we can decide to all stop havin' babies, then we can choose to go extinct!! / T-Rex: It probably sounded like a good idea at the time? / T-Rex: Then again, our actions, as a people, HAVE been responsible for untold thousands of involuntary... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1525 |
| i got opinions, i still got opinions | T-Rex: Some words are special, reserved for only the worst situations, and as such carry weight when we dare to use them! / T-Rex: Some words have MEANING, cats and kittens! / T-Rex: And because of this I cringe when someone says a test RAPED them, or that a movie was so terrible it RAPED the excellent... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1526 |
| this hypothetical book of quotations only serves to underline the importance of a trained and qualified ... | T-Rex: Okay, time to get myself into some of them books of quotations! / T-Rex: Hah! I mean, "some of THOSE books of quotations"! / T-Rex: So here's some quotable quotes for you, Dromiceiomimus! "Failure is just success rounded down", "I enjoy friendly good times", and "Whom is responsible for all... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1527 |
| a better example would be the rollover from 1999 to 2000 but people got worked up about that one too, ... | T-Rex: According to the Mayan calendar, the world will end in 2012!
/ T-Rex: The Mayans tried to warn us!! / T-Rex: Oh SHIIII- / Dromiceiomimus: According to the calendar in my computer, the world began on January 1st, 1970 at very the stroke of midnight!! It's impossible to make it go back earlier,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1528 |
| if you re-read the comic again with "girlfriend" you will see that t-rex has had a great dating history. ... | T-Rex: I will, one day, have the best breakfast of my entire life. / T-Rex: It is inarguably so! / T-Rex: Arrange all of my breakfasts from worst to best, and one's going to come out on top. I believe there are easily enough variables involved in breakfast that if you look closely enough, you can... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1529 |
| if by "kinda sucky at the best of times" t-rex means "kinda sensual under very particular, controlled ... | T-Rex: Going to the dentist means lying down and baring your teeth and paying a stranger to scrape at them: kinda sucky at the best of times. But then I realized! / T-Rex: Dentists are totally CYBERNETICISTS. / T-Rex: I know, Dromiceiomimus, I was skeptical of myself too! But teeth naturally accumulate... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1530 |
| This theory is called "panspermia"! | T-Rex: Certain bacteria may be able to survive a long trip in space, and there's a theory that life on OUR VERY PLANET was seeded by such space-born organic materials. / T-Rex: This theory is called "panspermia"! / T-Rex: HILARIOUS. / Dromiceiomimus: Undermining serious work into the origins of life... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1531 |
| utahraptor is assuming t-rex may occasionally think of him as "an orange man"; it seems a fair assump... | Narrator: EPISTEMOLOGY COMICS
/ T-Rex: If I say "Guys, I know I'm rad", what am I saying? What does it actually mean to KNOW something? Philosophers have struggled with this for ages! / T-Rex: Luckily, the answer is super easy and they should have come up with it sooner! / T-Rex: Knowledge of anything,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1532 |
| just ran all these queries and am now relieved to be so innocent | T-Rex: A person's activity is often used by law enforcement when pursuing a conviction! Facebook posts, Twitter updates and Google searches for "how to murder the sucky neighbour" have all been used as evidence of intentful wrongdoing. / T-Rex: I can totally use this to my advantage! / T-Rex: AS SUCH,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1533 |
| Here Lies T-Rex: He's Dead, But That Doesn't Mean You Should Make Fun Of Him. | T-Rex: Time for some more epitaphs, bitches!
/ God: I'M NOT BITCHES
/ T-Rex: Time for some more epitaphs, everyone!! / T-Rex: Here Lies T-Rex: Hey I Bet He's Still Wicked Handsome! / God: HERE LIES T-REX HE WAS MORTAL SO THEN HE DIED
/ T-Rex: Depressing!
/ Dromiceiomimus: "Here Lies T-Rex: He Never Stopped... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1534 |
| if ANY ONE of these predictions fails to come true before the final heat death of the universe, i will ... | T-Rex: Guys, it's totally easy to predict the future. Observe: IN THE FUTURE, the general public will be given ample opportunities to purchase the solid gold hits of this, our current decade! / Narrator: THE FUTURE, YOU GUYS / Dromiceiomimus: IN THE FUTURE, portrayals by others of our shared past will... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1535 |
| half-way through writing this comic, I realized that if dame judy dench reads my comic then t-rex WOULD, ... | T-Rex: My life - ALL LIVES, in fact - would be measurably improved if I had a sweet accent! FACT. / T-Rex: And it totally doesn't count to say I already have an accent! / T-Rex: We're being relative here; it has to be different from everyone else around me. Wouldn't it be great if I sounded like Dame... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1536 |
| i always felt bad for the kids who'd respond with "thank you" to an insult, as if that diffused it. ... | Narrator: INTERNET ARGUMENT COMICS / Narrator: NAZI ACCUSATIONS
/ T-Rex" Can we accept that everyone on the internet is PROBABLY a Nazi, and move on?? / Narrator: YOU'RE BEING PRESCRIPTIVIST ABOUT LANGUAGE AND KEEP TELLING EVERYONE ELSE HOW TO TYPE
/ T-Rex: Keep up the good work!
/ Narrator: NO THE PROBLEM... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1537 |
| i wrote this comic while listening the TWO separate albums called "the ocarina of rhyme". i know mc ... | Narrator: COMPRESSED ORIGIN STORY COMICS
/ Today's origin story: ALL LIFE (in the Judeo-Christian tradition) / T-Rex: I'm God and I'm going to create life!
/ God: INTERESTING / T-Rex: Okay so first off I'm going to invent the week! Monday's for inventing light, Tuesday's for inventing sky, Wednesday's... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1538 |
| Someone must have gotten it right by now! | T-Rex: People are predicting the future all the time. All the time, you guys! / T-Rex: Someone must have gotten it right by now! / T-Rex: So I'm going to go back and read tons of "Life in the World of Tomorrow" articles from centuries past, and find the one dude who was the closest to being accurate.
/ Dromiceiomimus:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1539 |
| the wikipedia page on pedigree collapse writes about "the common historical tendency to marry those within ... | T-Rex: Let us assume that everyone alive today has two biological parents, a mother and a father. I will call this the "No Cloned Chicks" hypothesis! / T-Rex: And let us further assume that everyone's parents had a biological mother and father too! / T-Rex: This seems pretty reasonable. But it... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1540 |
| let's say you have a giant heap of sand. | God: T-REX LET'S SAY YOU HAVE A GIANT HEAP OF SAND AND I REMOVE ONE GRAIN AT A TIME
/ T-Rex: Ooh, let's!! / God: CLEARLY WHEN THERE'S ONLY ONE GRAIN OF SAND LEFT IT'S NOT A HEAP ANYMORE
/ T-Rex: Clearly! / God: AHA MY FRIEND BUT WHEN PRECISELY DID IT SWITCH FROM HEAP TO NON-HEAP
/ T-Rex: I dunno!... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1541 |
| if you think either t-rex or utahraptor is being unreasonable, just adjust the amount of money owed up ... | Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH T-REX OWES UTAHRAPTOR FIFTY BUCKS
/ T-Rex: Hah hah! Yep! / T-Rex: And I TOTALLY haven't paid it back yet, either! / Dromiceiomimus: What? Are you talking about your $50 debt to Utahraptor?
/ T-Rex: He told you about that?
/ Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, he told me because he'd lent... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1542 |
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