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| old-timey stereotypes confirmed: crazy food, old-world decadance, a strange idea of what's fancy, and ... | T-Rex: So it's the June 21, 1931 and Lieutenant Hubert G. Chevis is about to dine on a meal of Manchurian partridge with his wife! / T-Rex: Apparently it is Old-Timey Stereotype Day for Lieutenant Hubert Chevis! / T-Rex: So Hubert takes a few bites and says "This is gross; try it, it's gross" and his... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1904 |
| utahraptor: my day just got filled up | T-Rex: Today is the day that I apologize to my girlfriends. To my first few girlfriends, anyway! / T-Rex: Pretty sure I wasn't that great a boyfriend, ladies!! / In my defense: I was new, I didn't know what I was doing, and I'd seen a lot of movies.
/ Dromiceiomimus: Ouch.
/ T-Rex: I know!! Whoever writes... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1905 |
| "help i'm in nigeria and got robbed and shortly afterwards discovered 15 million dollars in unclaimed ... | T-Rex: Okay, so there's those scam messages where someone has millions of illegal dollars, and they need your help to get them out of the country, and in return they'll give you a generous percentage! / T-Rex: But they need some money upfront, right? / T-Rex: And then you send them that money because... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1906 |
| kinda a sequel to my abstruse comic of march 31st, 2003, a mere 2 months into this dinosaur comics ja... | T-Rex: God, do you like poutine?
/ God: MAN DOES P EQUAL NP
/ T-Rex: ...Um. Maybe? / T-Rex: It's kinda the greatest unsolved problem in computer science! / T-Rex: If P equals NP then a whole class of problems are easily solvable! But we've been trying to efficiently solve these problems for years, and... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1907 |
| tomorrow's comic, which you won't see, is just t-rex saying "I AM TRIPPING BALLS" in sparkle-vision in ... | T-Rex: I have been investigating the ENGLISH LANGUAGE ITSELF, and it turns out it is horses all the way down. Quick, God, give me a word!
/ God: FRONTRUNNER / T-Rex: A metaphor from horse racing! That was too easy! / God: WHAT ABOUT THE WORD HACK
/ T-Rex: Ah, an untalented person! It originally meant... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1908 |
| read properly, this comic may last you the rest of your life. YOU'RE WELCOME. | Narrator: YOUR LIFE WILL DEFINITELY BE BETTER FOR READING THIS
/ Narrator: a choose-your-own-adventure comic
/ T-Rex: It's a beautiful day! If it is not a beautiful day, wait til tomorrow and then read this panel again. If it's now a beautiful day, turn to panel 2! / T-Rex: It is definitely a beautiful... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1909 |
| that's right, t-rex is imagining "later". he is a dude who fast-forwards through the boring parts of ... | T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, we're going to do something really nice for Utahraptor. It'll bring you and I closer together because we'll have a project, and it'll make him like us more too! And I've got the GREATEST PRESENT IDEA EVER IN TIME. / Narrator: LATER:
/ T-Rex: There! Utahraptor's SOLID GOLD CAR is... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1910 |
| i call this story, "Holey Smokes, Those Fries Looked AMAZING". | T-Rex: I am going to tell you a story, and it stars an old man whose name I don't know. He went into a diner, ordered some fries with gravy from the only person working there, paid for them, and sat down! Soon she brought the fries and gravy to his table! / T-Rex: This story gets better soon, I promise! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1911 |
| this is a future particle, but the future hasn't been written for it yet. | God: T-REX DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE MOST POPULAR WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
/ T-Rex: Sure do!!
/ God: IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
/ God: THE OF A TO AND IS IN / T-Rex: That, my friend, is a colossally disappointing list! / T-Rex: We need to start talking about more interesting things! Screw that: we need... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1912 |
| i hereby allow anyone to write books using these titles but only if the books are extremely awesome; ... | T-Rex: I've written the best book ever for reals this time, and I know this for certain because it's got a title NOBODY can resist. / Narrator: HOW TO BUILD A TIME MACHING even if you're a TEEN / T-Rex: It's not actually about building a time machine, though, even if you're teens. It's a collection... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1913 |
| this comic is for joey comeau of a softer world dot com, good friend, friend who often suggests days ... | T-Rex: Any creative work is a collaboration between the capital-a Author and Reader. All are dead and lifeless until they're experienced and interpreted by someone! / T-Rex: That someone is me, baby! / T-Rex: And if I'm an adult and I re-read a book I loved as a child, I'll get different things out... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1914 |
| okay how does one level up to "100% super homosexual" because i am trying EVERYTHING over here | T-Rex: In French, each noun is either a boy or a girl, which means you've got a 50% chance of making a mistake that does not impact the ACTUAL meaning of your sentence, but which still makes you wrong. This is how French says "screw you" to every student of the language. / T-Rex: That's right! I've... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1915 |
| genders to upside nouns, OR, utahraptor's table has seen some Things | Narrator: UPSIDES TO GENDERED NOUNS
/ T-Rex: There are probably some, right? Right?
/ T-Rex: There are probably some is my working theory. / Narrator: SEX IS ALL AROUND YOU!
/ T-Rex: But not in a sexy way! In the imaginary, NON-sexy way. / Narrator: LANGUAGE ISN'T JUST ABOUT COMMUNICATING EFFICIENTLY,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1916 |
| APPARENTLY the longer i go without eating chicken wings, the more characters discuss how delicious they ... | God: T-REX IT'S TIME TO SET YOU STRAIGHT ABOUT HOW GENDERED NOUNS ARE GOOD
/ T-Rex: I think it's not! I think it's time for us to eat ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT CHICKEN WINGS.
/ God: YOU KNOW WHAT
/ God: OKAY / Narrator: Later:
/ T-Rex: I cleaned the chicken sauce off my face really well! / T-Rex: And while doing... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1917 |
| you can pass attractive people a copy of the book, and raise an eyebrow suggestively | T-Rex: I am T-Rex... / T-Rex: ... and this is my creation myth! / T-Rex: Once upon a time there were a bunch of dudes but none of them were me, T-Rex. Then one guy who was really great said "I will create a dude who is even greater than I am" and everyone else said "No way, that'd be awesome" and he... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1918 |
| qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1919 | T-Rex: Lucid dreams are dreams where you know you're dreaming! They can be dreams in which you have more control, where you can sometimes even consciously decide what happens next! / T-Rex: They sound like MAYBE the most entertaining dreams ever? / T-Rex: And this is why I have abandoned my research... |
| if i call this comic "how to ultimate sexy" will it be blocked by your work internet filter? ONE WAY ... | T-Rex: With the right clothes, you can dress up fancy; you can look both super attractive AND ultimate sexy. / T-Rex: Hello? Why aren't we wearing these clothes all the time?? / Dromiceiomimus: For one, they're expensive! And even if you get a deal, clothes that work perfectly on you are more... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1920 |
| the minusoneth law of thermodynamics: i dunno, "heat is not imaginary and it I guess it has effects or ... | T-Rex: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssoss! Gross. / Narrator: T-REX HAS JUST FOUND SOME ROTTEN FOOD IN HIS FRIDGE COMICS
/ T-Rex: Gross! / T-Rex: As I'm attempting to convey, Dromiceiomimus, it was awfully gross! Why can't food get more... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1921 |
| but what if you trip... YOURSELF | T-Rex: Okay, NEW RULE: if you do something knowing it's a dick move, but that you'll EVENTUALLY be forgiven by the person you're being a jerk to, then you have voluntarily given up your chance at forgiveness! / T-Rex: Yes it is definitely a great idea to live by harsh and unbending rulesets! / T-Rez:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1922 |
| alternate boat name: the SS But We Mustn't | T-Rex: Check out my new alternate history story: it's the 1920s, and flappers are super sexy, obvs! But then the great depression happens and their ready-to-party-on-a-boat personalities and hedonistic YET SEXY lifestyles could not survive. / T-Rex: I'm kidding! We double checked and it turns out... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1923 |
| this text was originally just going to be the word, but then I thought, no, no, it's better if they stumbled ... | T-Rex: The most frequent question sex advice columnists get asked is "How do I set up a threesome?" You have to risk the embarrassment and just ask: the worst they can say is "no"! And then they can get really freaked out and not want to be your friend anymore. / T-Rex: It can get pretty bad and... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1924 |
| What if I called it "Sexy Talk With Sexy Steve, As Played By T-Rex"? I could wear a moustache! Sexy ... | T-Rex: One job I'd love to have AND that I just realized you can get by simply declaring yourself open for business is sex advice columnist. And guess what? / T-Rex: I'm now a sex advice columnist, baby! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, do you have any sex-related questions that you'd like me to answer in... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1925 |
| in the versions i read, the wolf ties a rope to red but she ties her end to a tree and escapes, and the ... | T-Rex: Once upon a time, there was a young woman called Little Red Riding Hood! Her parents, who were grown adults, named her after the clothes they bought for her. / Narrator: THE STORY OF LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
/ Narrator: as told in the 14th century / T-Rex: Red is on her way to visit her grandmother,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1926 |
| did you see what i did there with Machine of Death? I BELIEVE THAT IS CALLED "SYNERGY" | T-Rex: Once upon a time there was a woman called Sleeping Beauty! Her parents named her after a specific state that she was only in sometimes. It was weird.
/ Narrator: SLEEPING BEAUTY: the 17th century version / T-Rex: Sleepytimes gets her Machine of Death reading and it says she'll be done in by flax! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1927 |
| the moral of the story is, "start thinking about time travel paradoxes now when you're young because ... | God: T-REX YOU'RE SO DOWN ON THESE OLD FAIRY TALES WHY DON'T YOU TRY WRITING ONE
/ T-Rex: The ability to create is not necessary to have the ability to criticize but NEVERTHELESS: challenge accepted! / T-Rex: Check it: once upon a time there was a beautiful little prince! / T-Rex: He was actually a... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1928 |
| YOU NEED TO BRING YOUR "A" GAME | Narrator: PROBLEMS THAT CAN ONLY BE BLAMED ON HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES: / T-Rex: Global overpopulation! / T-Rex: Also global underpopulation, and also global just right population. Basically anything to do with population: BALL'S IN THEIR COURT.
/ Dromiceiomimus: Also anything to do with heredity: their... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1929 |
| in unrelated news i propose we replace "have sex with" with "do sex with", that way you can say "I REALLY ... | TITLE: PROBLEMS THAT CAN ONLY BE BLAMED ON MONOGAMOUS COUPLES: / T-Rex: Cheating on your sweetie! / Dromiceiomimus: Actually, T-Rex, non-monogamy doesn't automatically mean "now you can have sex with everyone without consequences", it usually means "I'm not going to demand exclusivity of you, but... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1930 |
| god doesn't even get a co-starring credit? ouch-o-rama | Narrator: "T-REX AND DROMICEIOMIMUS" starring t-rex and dromiceiomimus
/ T-Rex: WHY WON'T THIS COMPUTER DO WHAT I WANT IT TO; I PAID ACTUAL MONEY FOR THIS COMPUTER
/ T-Rex: DOES IT NOT REALIZE IT BELONGS TO ME / God: T-REX YOU'RE SHOUTING
/ T-Rex: UM I'M SHOUTING BECAUSE I'M MAD AT MY COMPUTER / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1931 |
| t-rex i thought your email sig of "PRINT THIS OUT AND STORE IT IN AMBER" was a joke, your email header ... | T-Rex: There's some things I do that nobody else does. Maybe I decorate my room in a particular way! You can put a LOT of things in a room; it seems reasonable we'd all decorate it slightly differently! / T-Rex: And even if some folks decorate the same, they'd still do other things differently! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1932 |
| humanity gets jetpacks and everything is fine | T-Rex: "Things I could've done by now if I'd dedicated more time towards them", a list by me, T-Rex.
/ T-Rex: Ahem. / T-Rex: I could've started a family or three, either in series OR in parallel! / T-Rex: I could've travelled the world! I could've become good if not great at any number of instruments,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1933 |
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