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| i had a dream last night where my wife got kidnapped, then i had a dream where my friends and i tracked ... | T-Rex: Shakespeare wrote in rhyming couplets and it was great / I bet I could do the same and not desecrate!
/ T-Rex: (His memory) / God: WHOAH T-REX THAT RHYME WAS TERRIBLE
/ T-Rex: What? Says who?? / God: SAYS ME GOD WAIT HOLD ON A SECOND SHAKESPEARE IS HERE AND HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ONE SEC I'LL... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1934 |
| i kinda like defining the future as what happens after we're not around anymore. we don't get to live ... | T-Rex: The future!
/ T-Rex: It's what happens after we're not around anymore.
/ T-Rex: And we don't know what it's going to be like, so why not hedge our bets?
/ T-Rex: Live as if things are going to be great forever! / T-Rex: But plant artificats as if everything's going to end tomorrow! / T-Rex:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1935 |
| if you think there's no way intonations could carry that much meaning, i invite you to study catonese ... | T-Rex: French has problems, English has problems.
/ God: CHINESE HAS PROBLEMS
/ T-Rex: Hindi: problems! / T-Rex: Perhaps... ALL the languages have problems?? / T-Rex: MAYBE it's time for us to start from scratch and DESIGN a better language? A language without any problems, a language where everything... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1936 |
| brotimes, i brate all the brocolate | T-Rex: In English, we can't talk about an event without revealing when it took place! When I say "Bro, I ate all the chocolates", the bro knows it happened in the past. / T-Rex: There's no way to express "eating" without revealing to the bros when it went down! / T-Rex: But in American Sign Language,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1937 |
| "fishin' and wishin' batman": the only batman variant worth your time, a fishing hat full of lures and ... | God: SO HEY T-REX YOU'VE INVENTED TWO LANGUAGES IN AS MANY DAYS
/ T-Rex: I know! Sometimes I worry my brilliance is a curse! / T-Rex: But then I remember that actually no, it's super great! / God: MAYBE YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON GETTING SPEAKERS OF THESE LANGUAGES THOUGH
/ T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, will you learn... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1938 |
| dromiceiomimus, why was a big secret kept | T-Rex: There's nothing wrong with a new language being a simple variant of English! Heck, modern French is just a riff on middle Swedish! / T-Rex: Or so I assume, having never looked into the matter with any seriousness!! / T-Rex: So I'm just going to focus on IMPROVEMENTS, and the first improvement... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1939 |
| alternate title for a much shorter comic: "PRANK PHONE CALLS WERE MORE FUN BEFORE CALLER ID" (that is ... | T-Rex: Hello, T-Rex speaking on my T-Rex Speakerphone! Who may I say is calling?
/ [Caller]: Mr Butts, first name "ohnomysmelly"
/ T-Rex: *gasp* / T-Rex: This is a...
/ T-Rex: PRANK PHONE CALL! / Narrator: SOON:
/ T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I got prank phone called! Me! I used to make prank phone calls... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1940 |
| incredible moments in history starring t-rex the dinosaur t. rex | Narrator: INCREDIBLE MOMENTS IN HISTORY / Narrator: STARRING T-REX THE DINOSAUR / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, you know how scientists are always getting, like, Nobel Prizes in science stuff?
/ Dromiceiomimus: Sure!
/ T-Rex: Do you know if you can get that with dance moves too? Because I'm PRETTY SURE I just... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1941 |
| inspired by the nine or ten rapid-fire games of chess joey comeau beat me at in Montreal! may i just ... | T-Rex: In chess, you want to kill the other guys! But, OH NO. Everyone forgot their guns and swords! / T-Rex: So INSTEAD, you kill bad guys by moving your guys into their house! / T-Rex: You move your guy into a house and then you live there, but if it's occupied then the other person dies of embarrassment!... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1942 |
| POKER AS SHE IS PLAYED COMICS PRESENTS: poker as she is played | T-Rex: In poker, you have a hand full of cards, and everyone else has a hand full of cards, and you all just have to deal with that. / Narrator: POKER AS SHE IS PLAYED / T-Rex: The object of the game is to get rid of your cards! In Round One everyone gets to decide how many of their cards they want... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1943 |
| boardgames are to monopoly as comics are to garfield, THAT'S RIGHT I SAID IT | T-Rex: Sometime we do awful things in our lives, even if we don't know it. Sometimes the only proof that we've made mistakes - terrible mistakes the UNIVERSE ITSELF punishes us for - is that we look around and we're playing... Monopoly. / Narrator: MONOPOLY AS SHE IS PLAYED / T-Rex: The object of... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1944 |
| instruction sheets: for the weak? | T-Rex: In Scrabble, you and your friends pretend that you're unable to speak OR write, but luckily, you have a bunch of tiny pieces of wood with letters on them in your pockets! You each grab a handful and take turns chatting up each other. / Narrator: SCRABBLE AS SHE IS PLAYED / T-Rex: A grid is provided,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1945 |
| you're doomed to lose a non-trivial amount of the time, it's not like the journey to defeat is more important ... | T-Rex: Let's say you're alone in the universe with a deck of cards, and you're like, "Welp, guess I'll sort this deck of cards"! And then you're like, "Welp, I guess I'll make it possible to lose at sorting this deck of cards"! / Narrator: SOLITAIRE AS SHE IS PLAYED / T-Rex: So you put the cards into... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1946 |
| tangentially: a great line to open with on a first date or similar situation is "do... do you ever get ... | T-Rex: I checked it and it's true! Being sad is NO LONGER IN STYLE. / T-Rex: From now on, all the WAY COOL people are happy! / T-Rex: See what I'm doing, Dromiceiomimus? I'm making it so that every sad person in the sound of my voice will now try really hard to be happy, so that they can be super ultra... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1947 |
| today is the day i postulate a deist universe powered by skepticism, that should make EVERYONE in religious ... | T-Rex: LAYLA, duh duh duh... You've got me on my KNEES, LAYLA. Duh duh duh - I'm beggin' darlin' please, LAYLA.
/ God: DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHH / T-Rex: Darling won't you ease my worried mind?? / God: THAT WAS A GOOD DUET T-REX I WAS HAPPY TO SUPPLY THE DUH DUH DUHHS
/ T-Rex: Yes, I though we did a good... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1948 |
| give me some credit: i didn't find out about pornocracies from the wikipedia random article button. ... | T-Rex: Folks are always all, "What's the best form of government? DEMOCRACY. I love democracy, a bloo bloo bloo".
/ T-Rex: Walk it off, democracy lovers! / T-Rex: Contact me at suckitup@walkitoff.net, democracy lovers! / T-Rex: Democracy is OLD HAT. You know what democracy is? Democracy is long-term... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1949 |
| compressed song comics: the dinosaur comics that assume we ALL know the same music | Narrator: COMPRESSED SONG COMICS today's song "HELLO" by LIONEL RITCHIE
/ T-Rex: Hello! / T-Rex: Lionel Ritchie says, "hello!" / T-Rex: He goes on to say that either he's had recurring dreams in which he's kissed your lips a thousand times each, or a thousand dreams in which he's kissed your lips once.... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1950 |
| Portal and Portal 2 are like the saddest games ever for this very reason. Stupid reality, stupid physics, ... | T-Rex: Oh my gosh I just found out about a political form that beats democracies AND pornocracies combined! It's the best. THE BEST.
/ T-Rex: You guys! Let's ALL move to a -- / God: A PUPPET STATE IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS T-REX / T-Rex: Well crap
/ Narrator: THE END / T-Rex: Utahraptor, do you... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1951 |
| PS: I was actually this rhetorical dude, who has never really paid attention in "What to put in your ... | T-Rex: Let's say you're a dude who is having trouble with, to put it delicately, too much poo. And you think, "I'm going to take some medicine and put this issue to bed!" Excellent idea, rhetorical dude!! / T-Rex: PS: I was actually this rhetorical dude! / T-Rex: So I go to the pharmacy and get... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1952 |
| yesterday's comic's moral was "don't poop too much", now the moral is "don't swallow forks". if you ... | T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, come quick! I accidentally swallowed a fork!! / T-Rex: I mean, I accidentally wanted to see if I could swallow a fork! / T-Rex: I mean, I accidentally thought that if I could swallow a fork then if someone said "fork over your money" I could puke up the fork on their shoes, wipe... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1953 |
| by reading this secret text, you have added "DIRECTOR'S CUTTERS" to your inventory. you can now play ... | Narrator: BREAKFAST a choose-your-own-adventure comic
/ T-Rex: It's time for breakfast! If you decide to eat, turn to panel 3. But if you're not hungry yet, turn to panel 2! / T-Rex: Hah! YOU DIED, jerk!! NO BACKSIES. You're totally dead now! / T-Rex: Okay, Super, you're hungry! You feel as if... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1954 |
| let's ignore the difference between geological, magnetic, geomagnetic, instantaneous and political north ... | T-Rex: Every single world map i own puts North America at the upper left of the map! cartographers are all "boo hoo, if Australia isn't at the lower right then i'm ALL CONFUSED." On one hand, i hate to be a dick to cartographers! / T-Rex: On the other hand: not my problem, cartographers! / T-Rex: I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1955 |
| "Goooossssh!" is meant to be a drawn-out "Gosh!" but if you read it as a long-o "Goosh" that's good too, ... | T-Rex: What if you wrote a story about modern technology arriving BEFORE it did in our timeline? You'd have computers made out of brass and steam! That sounds like it might be...AWESOME? / God: THAT GENRE IS CALLED STEAMPUNK T-REX
/ T-Rex: Okay whatever! / T-Rex: What if you wrote a story about modern... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1956 |
| NEW SLANG FOR TEENS | T-Rex: It's time for some new plasticized new slang! Some plasticized - / Narrator: NEW SLANG FOR TEENS / Dromiceiomimus: You're using "plasticized" a bit unusually there, T-Rex. Is that part of your new slang?
/ T-Rex: YES. I figure, existing words are already familiar to everyone, so I'll just... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1957 |
| Two Towns Over | T-Rex : Oh my gosh! I could spend weekends somewhere else under an assumed name! Two towns over, I could be known as... PUNCHES MALONE. / Narrator : T-REX HAS THE BEST IDEA EVER COMICS / Dromiceiomimus : I'm not sure how serious you are, T-Rex, but it's a great idea! Two towns over I'M known as "Ornithomimus... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1958 |
| i've already gotten emails asking for a "vitamin s" sequel but i'm not sure i can capture the raw, uncut, ... | T-Rex: In high school a bunch of us were talking about a television show! / Narrator: REGRET COMICS 2000 / T-Rex: I'd seen it a little bit but they were all talking about a particular episode, so I played along and talked about it too. Eventually I asked a question, I forget what, but it somehow CLEARLY... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1959 |
| for the world is hollow and i have noclipped the sky | T-Rex: I hate to be the one to talk about this, but it's time for us to talk about - / Narrator: THE SAD AND SORRY SYMBOLISM OF FIRST PERSON GRAPHICS ENGINES / T-Rex: Yeah, it's great how you can see things like you're really there! But it's also super constrained and sad, for the world is hollow... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1960 |
| T-Rex in: "COLOSSAL SLIGHTS"! A Terrible Lizards Picto-Narrative | The Devil: GREETINGS T-REX
/ T-Rex: The Devil! what's up?
/ The Devil: I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU AGAIN DISCUSSED VIDEO GAMES WITHOUT ME
/ The Devil: THE VIDEO GAME EXPERT / The Devil: THIS IS A COLOSSAL SLIGHT AGAINST MY PERSON
/ T-Rex: ...Sorry? / The Devil: AS PUNISHMENT I'M AFRAID I WILL NO LONGER... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1961 |
| Totally legit, you guys! | T-Rex : Yep this is definitely a fact! Heads up, everyone! / T-Rex : The world will end on May 21st or whatever!! / Dromiceiomimus : What do you mean by that? Will the planet explode or disappear or whatever? That seems pretty unlikely
/ God : DO YOU MEAN EVERYONE WILL DIE BECAUSE IF SO DOES THAT INCLIDE... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1962 |
| spell check had "diss" in it and i didn't add it. either someone else has been talking up disses, or ... | Narrator: THE ANSWER WILL ALWAYS BE YES.
/ T-Rex: Should I try new things? Should I get good at old things? / T-Rex: Should I do something just because it might be AWESOME? / Dromiceiomimus: If we're both in a place in our lives that allows it, adult enough to handle it, and both interested in sexing... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1963 |
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