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| based on a true story, i woke up with this phrase in my head and was like "too expensive; plus really ... | T-Rex: I just woke up with the phrase "50 million dollar church for squirrels" stuck in my head! / T-Rex: Um, so I guess THIS is what I should be doing with my life? / T-Rex: The first issue is fifty million dollars is a LOT of dollars, especially just to give squirrels a place of worship. The second... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2024 |
| "..././!/?/?/?/$" | Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE:
/ T-Rex: Hello, everybody! I'm T-Rex and I'm here to endorse whatever product or service you'd like! Turn on your microphones and digital recorders, because: / T-Rex: "I just can't get enough of..." / T-Rex: "the/this/a/your/you", "wonderful/amazing/valuable/free/proven",... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2025 |
| it's nice because they're nice! | T-Rex: When someone gives you a gift it's nice because they're nice to you, but it sucks because suddenly your reactions are / T-Rex: ON DISPLAY AND BEING JUDGED / T-Rex: and that's not nice! Sometimes my reactions are bad, okay? SOMETIMES, when I know my behaviour is being examined I instantly forget... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2026 |
| Deleted dialogue: Dromiceiomimus: "T-Rex, you don't have to say 'horse' that much." T-Rex: "Hah! Oh, ... | T-Rex: First, I email tons of people the winners of tomorrow's horse race! / T-Rex: Only I don't really know who's gonna win tomorrow's horse race! / T-Rex: So I email different names to tons of different people, knowing that there'll be ONE groups that gets the correct winner, showing them that I... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2027 |
| inspired by so many awesome thoughts just before bed and so many disappointed "oh probably it was nothing" ... | T-Rex: I had the greatest idea just before I fell asleep last night! It involved...
/ T-Rex: ...lightning maybe? / T-Rex: Hah hah, looks like I forgot it completely! / T-Rex: Hah hah, looks like what could've possibly been THE GREATEST THING EVER TO GRACE THIS PLANET was forgotten by the few pounds... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2028 |
| SOMETIMES your friends will ruin what you thought was a really great metaphor/relationship | T-Rex: Relationships! Sometimes thay are hard, but NOT if you have a great captain for the ol' SS Relationship! / T-Rex: And he or she has a great crew! / T-Rex: And the crew has been trained by the best sailing minds of their generation, and each therefore braces themselves to their duty with the... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2029 |
| on the plus side, you could spend eternity playing video games and not be accused of wasting your time ... | T-Rex: If we were all immortal, then obviously we'd have a overpopulation problem. But what are some of the less obvious downsides? What does a world where everyone is immortal ACTUALLY look like? / Narrator: MORE DOWNSIDES TO IMMORTALITY / T-Rex: The sun rises on an unhappy. technologically underdeveloped... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2030 |
| originally t-rex was going to say "horror only induces a physical response if you're WIMPY and get SCARED ... | T-Rex: I think I'd be really good at writing comedy! And I also think I'd be great at writing horror and EROTICAL FICTION/BIOGRAPHY. / T-Rex: They're all genres wherein your body tells you when you're doing it right! / T-Rex: If I write good comedy, I know it's good because I laugh! And good horror... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2031 |
| chicken wings don't take THAT long; has the whole world represented in these six panels gone CRAZY | T-Rex: Who here likes waiting? Raise your hand. / T-Rex: Wow nobody? / T-Rex: I guess that's because most of us have finite lifespans, and waiting steals TINY NIBBLES from our metaphorical life cookie!
/ Dromiceiomimus: Some things are worth the wait.
/ T-Rex: Like what?
/ Dromiceiomimus: ...Ice cream? / Utahraptor:... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2032 |
| plus eventually the universe will reach a state where it can no longer sustain your demands on it, let ... | God: T-REX LET'S ASSUME THAT SOMEHOW YOU WILL NEVER DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES
/ T-Rex: I hope that by "assume" you mean "make it so" SO MUCH that I'm going to pretend that's what you said! Immortality, here I come! / God: THAT'S STILL NOT IMMORTALITY DUDE
/ T-Rex: Impossible! / God: NO YOU'RE STILL MORTAL... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2033 |
| you can also only affect/kill things in your future light cone! so, if you're having trouble choosing, ... | GOD: T-REX YESTERDAY WHEN YOU AGREED EVERYTHING COULD KILL YOU I DON'T THINK YOU CONSIDERED A 4D PAST LIGHT HYPERCONE INTERACTING WITH THE HYPER-SURFACE OF THE PRESENT
/ T-Rex: Yeah, that sounds about right! / GOD: HOLD ON LET ME REDUCE THAT TO 3D AND ALSO BE A LITTLE MORE GRAPHIC / GOD: YO CHECK IT
/ {{graphic... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2034 |
| technically everything DOES blast away from the sun. thanks inverse-square law! you made writing technically-specific ... | T-Rex: If gravity reversed right now I would be so pooched! Please RT if gravity reversed right now and you would be so pooched! / {{no text on panel 2}} / Dromiceiomimus: ...You're not on Twitter right now, T-Rex. On that subject: I followed you on Twitter for about 10 minutes, but everything you... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2035 |
| later: i confess that i write comics by just filling a binary file with about 65k of 1s and 0s and somehow ... | [[ASK PROFESSOR SCIENCE]]
/ T-Rex: Our first question comes from Dromiceiomimus, who writes, / T-Rex: "T-Rex, why are you opening the Professor's mail?" / T-Rex: "If you are reading this then I know that you can't be trusted with a Professor's mail. Your epitath will be 'Here Lies T-Rex: Okay, Listen,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2036 |
| ryan do you have any facts you'd like to volunteer, perhaps about my entire family and/or meat | T-Rex: It's Wednesday! Come with me on a JOURNEY OF EDUCATION as we learn how movies are made!! / T-Rex: Movies are made by film cameras and other advanced technology! / T-Rex: With the right technology, a robot can be programmed to point a video camera at other robots doing something interesting,... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2037 |
| What has four legs in the morning, etc, anyway it's Vin Diesel. | T-Rex: God you answer people's prayers, right? Folks are always saying how you answer prayers.
/ God: SURE
/ God: I GUESS / T-Rex: But that's terrible!! / T-Rex: Because if you do what someone's praying for, then either FALLABLE, GREEDY MORTALS are influencing your Divine Plan, or you're already doing... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2038 |
| If you want people to think you want to look cultured but don't understand what that means, put a replica ... | Narrator: SHORT VERSIONS OF CLASSIC WORKS OF ART IN COMICS FORM
/ Narrator: tl;dr: short things / Narrator: THE MONA LISA:
/ T-Rex: A woman smiles, a little bit? Let's obsess about that. / Narrator: STARRY NIGHT:
/ T-Rex: Van Gogh painted it, it's kinda trippy. Let's imagine it right now!
/ T-Rex and... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2039 |
| borders: actually i guess i can think of weirder imaginary things | T-Rex: It turns out the world is chock full of IMAGINARY INVISIBLE LINES, and if I cross some of them, NOT ONLY do become a wanted felon, but I also get to be shot and killed! / T-Rex: Borders: SUPER WEIRD?? / T-Rex: At some point someone had to sit down and sad "Whoah! Hold on, everyone! I just imagined... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2040 |
| originally this comic was very different and ended in the punchline "blimpin' ain't easy"; i invite you ... | Narrator: DINOSAUR COMICS PRESENTS: "DEGREES OF INFORMATION"
/ Narrator: FIRST HAND:
/ T-Rex: I ate a sandwich the size of my head! / Narrator: SECOND HAND:
/ T-Rex: I heard that guy ate a sandwich the size of this head! / Narrator: THIRD HAND:
/ T-Rex: I heard some guy heard that some OTHER guy ate a... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2041 |
| Not really that bad | The Devil : GREETING T-REX I COME TO YOU WITH A QUERY
/ T-Rex : ...Proceed.
/ The Devil : DO YOU BELIEVE AN OPTIONALLY NON-DESTRUCTIVE SANDBOX GAME IS POSSIBLE / T-Rex : Um , yes, I guess? / The Devil : BECAUSE I DREAM OF A GAME WHERE I CAN SET UP SHOP AS A TOYMAKER BUILDING WOODEN TOYS FOR CHILDREN... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2042 |
| DID YOU KNOW: you don't even get to keep it/them afterwards | T-Rex: Sometimes if you have a festering wound, doctors will prescribe maggots! Certain breeds only eat dead tissue and ignore healthy tissue, which cleans out the wound at a level a surgeon simply couldn't! NICE. / Narrator: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION. / Dromiceiomimus: That's no secret, T-Rex!... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2043 |
| the title text is lying, ghost teddy roosevelt actually cocked TWO shotguns at once, one in each hand | T-Rex: Once upon a time there was a SERIOUSLY spooky ghost!
/ T-Rex: No, wait. It can be done better.
/ T-Rex: *ahem* / T-Rex: Antonio Tony could see dead people! / T-Rex: Every room was packed for him, as there was a ghost for everyone who ever lived. Ghosts of explorers from hundreds of years ago... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2044 |
| HOT TIP FOR ARTISTS: when writing a grant application be sure to introduce yourself with "if i could ... | T- Rex: Amelia and Antonio Tony were two original characters COPYRIGHT ME who were having sex intercourse! They were having it in a manner that would be arousing to a third party reading about these events after the face. / T-Rex: Hey! That's your cur, readers! / T-Rex: "Wow, so arousing," whispered... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2045 |
| what utahraptor said was METAPHORICALLY watertight. if you believe t-rex is looking over his shoulder ... | Narrator: DOG JOKES
/ T-Rex: Who wants to hear jokes about dogs?! I sure hope you do! / T-Rex: AND I SURE HOPE YOU BROUGHT SOME, because I'm tapped! / Dromiceiomimus: Well, this has been a disappointing morning
/ Narrator: THE END /
/ Narrator: CAT JOKES
/ T-Rex: Who wants to hear jokes about cats?!... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2046 |
| one of my favourite baseball memories is having to play it with a glove on my wrong hand, so that when ... | T-Rex: You and your friends stand in a field, alone, too far away to really talk to each other. You wait there while someone else's friends line up and take turns hitting balls at you. And it's not like they're soft. They're really hard. You can catch them if you want. / Narrator: BASEBALL AS SHE... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2047 |
| it has has remained unpatched since first self-reported in 1990 by Tim Berners-Lee | T-Rex: Does anybody else want Mexican food for dinner? Like - always? Like 24 hours a day I would eat Mexican food if it were physically possible? / Narrator: DOES ANYBODY ELSE / Dromiceiomimus: Does anybody else find themselves getting sincerely angry at what fictional characters do? I think about... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2048 |
| I was working on this comic back during SDCC and Chris "Dr. McNinja" Hastings offered to help me with ... | T-Rex: Two people decide that they've got some genitals they're not using right now, and that THIS, my friend, is kind of a waste! / Narrator: SEX AS SHE IS PLAYED / T-Rex: So they agree that it's time to sex, and then they go away and we all wonder what's going on! But not for too long because one... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2049 |
| i've said this before, but the fact that "species" is its own plural is SO CONVENIENT. i definitely ... | God: T-REX WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOR
/ T-Rex: Narrow it to a shade, brotimes!
/ God: T-REX WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHADE OF BROWN / T-Rex: Dude! It's this delightful deep brown, kind of a burnt umber? / T-Rex: It was a super popular color with 16th and 17th centruy painters. It only stopped being... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2051 |
| the more i think about it the more it seems god powers are a pretty sweet deal. i guess this thought ... | God: T-REX WHY DON'T YOU RATE ALL YOUR FRIEND FROM BEST TO WORST
/ T-Rex: That sounds like a recipe for social disaster!
/ God: AND INCLUDE ME ON THE LIST
/ God: GOD / God: THE DUDE WHO INVENTED EVERYTHING
/ T-Rex: Maaan! / T-Rex: You're totally assuming that there's one ranking that captures an entire... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2052 |
| sometimes i imagine my life where i write the same comics i've been writing, but instead of publishing ... | T-Rex: You know those guys who are quiet and unassuming but when they die folks look in their house and find an AMAZING unpublished manuscript that nobody know they were writing?
/ T-Rex: I would like to be one of those guys, please! / T-Rex: I would also like not to die, please! / T-Rex: All I REALLY... http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2053 |
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