You're browsing the archives of Dinosaur Comics.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

intelligent design comics, featuring: talking dinosaurs coexisting with humans! T-Rex: Intelligent design (or ID) is the idea that while we may begin to understand the universe through science, it is actually created with divine intent. Evolution is not the chaotic product of random mutations, but rather intentional. / T-Rex: Much as a watch implies a watchmaker, so does our universe imply divinity! / T-Rex: Okay! It's a very nice idea, but it's not science because it's not disprovable: you either believe in intelligent design or you don't, and there's no way to show who's right. That's not science - that's faith! / Dromiceiomimus: And whould faith be held to the rigors of the scientific method? / T-Rex: Of course not! / Utahraptor: The issue is that some think ID should be taught in schools as an alternative to evolution, right? / T-Rex: Right! / T-Rex: But there's nothing in ID (as I've formulated it) to say that the two can't exist peacefully. One just doesn't belong in science class, because it's not a science. It belongs in religion class. / Utahraptor: Wait - T-Rex, you claim to hear the voice of God! What does he say about all this? / God: I LIKE TO DANCE IN MY UNDERPANTS T-REX / T-Rex: He says - there's some merit to both sides of the issue? / God: THAT IS SO NOT WHAT I SAID
GOOD EVENING PROFESSOR SCIENCE, I HAVE A QUERY AGAIN T-Rex: Things sure would be different if one day, the speed of light slowed down to something like half a meter per second for some reason. / T-Rex: Yes indeedy! / T-Rex: For one, games of hide-and-go-seek would be more complicated. Also if you were a long-distance runner, it would be more difficult to run because when you went faster that light you couldn't see where you were going. / Dromiceiomimus: Is that true? / T-Rex: I think so. Maybe? / Utahraptor: I think you'd still be able to see things, actually! / T-Rex: How's that? / Utahraptor: Well, light can be thought of as a particle, right? And so it's like - if rain was falling really slowly, and you were running throught it, you'd hit more particles than you would if you were standing still. I think that's how it would work. / T-Rex: You know what? I'm not even certain if it's possible to travel faster than light. I'm going to ask Professor Science. / Utahraptor (off-panel): Aw man, that guy's a rube! / T-Rex: Dude, he's a diplodocus with one of those square graduation hats on him! WHAT IS NOT TO LIKE?
by the end of this comic, the word 'class' has lost all meaning Narrator: THE UNIVERSE WHERE T-REX THINKS EVERYONE SHOULD GO TO CLASS, BUT NOBODY IS GOING TO CLASS: / T-Rex: Why isn't anyone attending their classes? Guys! Class is on! It's time to go to class! / T-Rex: What the heck is wrong with everyone in this universe? / T-Rex: I just don't understand why nobody is going to class. / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: THE UNIVERSE WHERE EVERYONE GOES TO CLASS BUT T-REX: / Utahraptor: You're late for class, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Dude, you know what I say? I say, "forget class!". / Utahraptor: You can't say that! Class is important! Class is really important. / T-Rex: Hello? I play by my own rules. Rule number one: no going to class, baby! / T-Rex: Rules two through five are various socio-economic and anarchic justifications for not going to class. Rule six says it's really too bad that all the ladies are in class right now! / T-Rex: My philosophy - she has her limitations.
vaudeville-style comedy, i guess? T-Rex: Today, I am selling compliments! / T-Rex: . . . for PROFIT! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! I have some very special compliments for sale. Would you like to buy a compliment, gorgeous? (That one is on the house!) / Dromiceiomimus: No thank you, T-Rex! I don't buy my compliments. / T-Rex: An insult, AND an implication that my business model is not sound! / Utahraptor: Hey, can I buy a compliment, T-REx? / T-Rex: You-- really? Sure! / T-Rex: I was sort of expecting that you'd point out flaws of my home business, but sure, I'd be glad to sell you one! / Utahraptor: Okay! What can I get for one dollar? / T-Rex: I can hook you up with an "Attaboy Special", which includes a five word compliment and a firm handshake. / Narrator: SOON: / T-Rex: You are a good dude! / Utahraptor: I want my money back. / T-Rex: SUDDENLY YOU ARE NOT SUCH A GOOD DUDE.
'daydream believer' was on the radio when he woke up T-Rex: I have accomplished much today and it's not even noon yet! I feel as if I could take on anything and anyone and succeed! / T-Rex: And ladies, I am all about putting theories into practice! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! Give me a challenge! / Dromiceiomimus: Sing the alphabet! / T-Rex: Something DIFFICULT. / Dromiceiomimus: Jump to the moon! / T-Rex: Something difficult yet possible, Dromiceiomimus! My stars! This is like a 1920s comedy routine without the punchline. / T-Rex: Man, anyway! I'll come up with my own incredible challenge. / Utahraptor: I've got one for you! / Utahraptor: How about you go TWO DAYS wihtout stomping on anyone or anything? This is my challenge to you. / T-Rex: Aw - but, man! I was looking for a challenge I WAWNTED to do. Anyway, yeah, I can do it. Easy. Easy peasy Japanesey. / T-Rex: ! / T-Rex: Is that racist??
 
learnability of natural languages comics THAT'S RIGHT T-Rex: Learning a language is hard! It is especially hard with your first language, when you're a baby who has to figure out an entire grammar and vocabulary just from what people say to you. / T-Rex: It's not just hard: in fact, it may well be impossible! / T-Rex: It turns out that natural languages are so complex that we probably can't figure out all their rules just from hearing words spoken around us, but we CAN approximate these rules and get very close. So the result is we (as learners) end up speaking a language we're able to communicate with, wut which is slightly different than those that surround us! / Utahraptor: How slight a difference are we talking about here? / T-Rex: That depends on the learner, I guess! / T-Rex: Rules that are used everyday are going to be more fixed, because there's more of a chance somebody will correct you. But less-frequent parts will be more malleable, which explains why languages evolve so quickly! / Utahraptor: Because a language is never passed down, just an approximation of a language. / T-Rex: Yep! Of course this has changed a little with the advent of grammar books and formal schooling, but it's still there. For example, I might think the word 'tenet' is enraging! / Utahraptor (off-panel): Really? You think the word 'tenet' is- / T-Rex: Screw you!!
honestly, some of my best friends are named 'timmy' Narrator: T-Rex as Cultural Critic / T-Rex: What's with mainstream music nowadays? It's all so BAD. If I wanted facile lyrics, I would just write them myself and make sure not to try very hard! / T-Rex: All the music I hear on the radio has lyrics by Timmy! / T-Rex: Plus, I saw this painting of a woman the other day and it was clear that the painter had no idea what he was doing! It's as if someone just described to him in passing what a woman looked like, and he was all, "I got it guys!" Everything was just a little off. It was a portrait by Timmy! / Utahraptor: Who is this "Timmy" guy? / T-Rex: He's a rhetorical dude! / T-Rex: He's also my new critical trademark. When something is really juvenile, I'll say it's by Timmy. It implies so much earnest ineptitude! / Utahraptor: T-Rex! All you're going to do IN THE BEST CASE is ruin the name of real people called "Timmy" ! / T-Rex: Man, I already did that with my safe-sex campaign! Remember? "It is almost certain that you will contract STDs from guys named Timmy"? / T-Rex: Hah hah! Ouch for Timmy!
ten whole chickens and a litre of milk T-Rex: Oh my goodness, I feel sick to my stomach today. I woke up and I felt sick to my stomach already. / Narrator: EARLIER: / T-Rex: Ten roasted chickens for dinner? I believe the answer is "Heck yes!" / Narrator: BACK IN THE PRESENT: / T-Rex: I don't understand it! I was not around any sick people. I did not eat any bad food. And yet, ouch, my stomach! / Dromiceiomimus: What did you have for dinner last night? / T-Rex: I had ten whole chickens, Dromiceiomimus. Mmm-MMM! / Utahraptor: Well, there's your problem, my friend! / T-Rex: No way! / T-Rex: They were very delicious chickens. I would eat them all again, given the chance. / Utahraptor: Yeah, but you shouldn't just have chicken for dinner, T-Rex. You need BALANCE in your diet. Nutrition, man! You know about nutrition. / Narrator: CONFESSION TIME! / T-Rex: Alright, I admit it! I knew it was bad for me, but I ate them anyway! And - sometimes I don't clean my house as often as I should? Oh! And one time I pretended I was deaf. / T-Rex: I - I got caught.
crypto / trapdoor functions T-Rex: Oh goodness, cryptography. It's really interesting! / T-Rex: Specifically, trapdoor functions are SUPER interesting! Times two! / T-Rex: These are functions that are easy to compute but difficult to reverse-engineer - unless you have the secret 'trapdoor' information. For example, the product of two prime numbers (p and q) is not hard to figure out if you know their values (it's just multiplication!), but if all you have is the answer, n, guessing what p and q are can take a really long time. / T-Rex: And yeah, functions like this are a basis of cryptography! / Utahraptor: How's that? / T-Rex: Well, say I send n to you, and you know what the secret value of p is. There's a chance my message might be intercepted by a bad guy. But this dude will only know n, not p! / Utahraptor: So I'll be able to figure out q easily, knowing what n and p are, but this guy will be totally stumped! / T-Rex: Yep! Of course, all this lets us do is communicate a prime number q in secret to each other. But you can probably do even more things with trapdoor functions! / Utahraptor: Probably? / T-Rex: I'm almost certain!
here is a startling thought: SNAKES ON A PLANE T-Rex: Here is a startling thought: what if the things I believe in are wrong? / T-Rex: I'm serious! This is a big concern for me! / T-Rex: It's the reason I've never really attended any political marches - I can only rarely convince myself that I believe in something SO MUCH that those who don't share my beliefs are wrong, and need to be publicly convinced otherwise! I'm always conscious that I may one day look back on my present-day self and shake my head. / Utahraptor: So you're left with paralyzed middle-of-the-road beliefs? / T-Rex: Not necessarily! / T-Rex: I'm just left with an acute awareness that I could be wrong about some of the things I currently believe in. Not big things, like racism, but little things, like mohawks! / Utahraptor: Wait - you believe in racism? / T-Rex: No, man! / T-Rex: I think racism is BAD. It's like when you say you're fundraising for cancer - you're not in favour of it! You want to cure it. That's what I meant! / T-Rex: Alright. T-Rex: not necessarily racist.
 
A CAUTIONARY TALE about marrying flappers, just in case, you know, this ever comes up T-Rex: Here is a list of things that were once totally cool and remain so: / T-Rex: Flappers! / T-Rex: And this is where my list derails so that I can talk about flappers. Oh goodness, flappers! These were the 1920s equivalent of hipsters, only they looked like boys and had way better slang. The way they talked was the BERRIES. That means something was great! / Dromiceiomimus: I got that, yeah! / Utahraptor: Could it be you have a CRUSH on flappers, my friend? / T-Rex: It could well be, Utahraptor! / Utahraptor: And it doesn't concern you that you have a crush on an extinct social group just because of their sweet slang? / T-Rex: Nope! It gives me hope, because one day I could meet someone who actually talked like a flapper, and then we could get married! / Narrator: A FEW YEARS LATER: / T-Rex: Man, what was I talking about? It was a terrible idea to marry someone just because of her cool slang! / T-Rex: I really need to think long and hard about my life decisions.
t-rex's big tattoo T-Rex: Man, how great would it be to have a TATTOO? Assuming it does not go disastrously wrong, it would be super cool! / Narrator: T-REX'S BIG TATTOO / Dromiceiomimus: How would it go disastrously wrong? / T-Rex: Oh you know - the usual. I get a tattoo of some figure in popular culture and it turns out that figure is crazy racist. We've all been there, right? / T-Rex: We've probably all been there. / Utahraptor: Hey, I've got a great idea, T-Rex: let's get tattoos together! / T-Rex: Like twin tattoos? / Utahraptor: No, like we both get tattoos at the same time - for moral support. Twin tattoos? You were thinking we'd each get separate halves of the yin yang symbol or something? / T-Rex: Yeah, I guess I was! Hah hah! That WOULD be pretty crazy. / T-Rex: We'd have to press our tattoos together to make them line up and all the people would think we're married! Plus what if we got the tattoos on our lips? / T-Rex: Okay! I'm going to stop talking now!
he gets knocked down, but he gets up again God: TIME TO TELL PEOPLE SOME EMBARRASSING SECRETS T-REX / T-Rex: Aw man, I don't want to tell anyone my few remaining embarrassing secrets! Come on. / God: SERIOUSLY IT'LL BE A HOOT / T-Rex: No! / God: DUDE COME ON TELL PEOPLE YOUR EMBARRASSING SECRETS / God: IT'LL BE SO MUCH FUN / God: FOR ME / God: GOD / T-Rex: Okay! Okay, FINE. I'll tell ONE embarrassing secret and that's it! / T-Rex: But all you're getting is one secret, no more! / Utahraptor: Who's getting a secret? / T-Rex: Apparently, you are! And the secret is this: when I lost my virginity, I had the song "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba stuck in my head the entire time. I just really liked the song. I remember being afraid I would hum it afterwards! / Utahraptor: Hahahah! You get knocked down, but you get up again! / T-Rex: Now don't go around telling that secret to anyone else, okay? / Utahraptor: I already sent it out over the news wires! / T-Rex: THAT WAS SO IMPROBABLY FAST!
t-rex has decided to stalk someone Narrator: T-REX HAS DECIDED TO STALK SOMEONE: / T-Rex: I've decided to stalk a friend! Hah hah, why not? I will be the person they least suspect! / T-Rex: This is because I'm violating the understood limits of our friendship! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I'm going to let you in on a secret, okay? I have decided to stalk Utahraptor! Can you help me out? / Dromiceiomimus: I can and I will! This is all in good fun, right? / T-Rex: RIGHT. We are NOT allowed to murder him. / Narrator: A FEW DAYS LATER: / Utahraptor: T-Rex, I think I've got a stalker! / T-Rex: Hee! That's too bad! / Utahraptor: Yeah, it's not actually that bad a deal yet. This guy just calls me and tells me he knows where I live, and I'm like, okay, and then he giggles and hangs up. I think he's new to this. Sometimes a woman calls too. / T-Rex: Hee hee! / Narrator: A FEW DAYS LATER: CONSEQUENCES! / T-Rex: Cheese it, the fuzz!
the man knows how to make an entrance T-Rex: Tonight is Hallowe'en, and that means... / T-Rex: ... treats! Hooray! Hooray for treats! / Dromiceiomimus: Are you - you're going trick-or-treating this year, T-Rex? / T-Rex: Sure am! I have decided that giving it up when I achieved pubescence was a MISTAKE. I am going to dress up and go door-to-door and get candies! Woo! All I need is a costume and a way to minimize embarrassment. / Utahraptor: You'll miss out on seeing all the costumes of the kids who come to your house! / T-Rex: That's okay! / Utahraptor: You'll also miss out on the Hallowe'en party we're having after the trick-or-treaters are gone! / T-Rex: I'll just be late, that's all! Late with my PILLOWCASE FULL OF CANDY. / Utahraptor: Man! There's a reason adults don't go trick-or-treating! / Narrator: THAT NIGHT, AT THE PARTY: / T-Rex: Hi guys! It turns out the reason adults don't go trick-or-treating is because you get berated at every house for being too old! Also some kids tricked me and stole my costume! / T-Rex: It has been a night of revelation!
 
too many friends? T-Rex: Is it possible to have too many friends? / T-Rex: The answer is "Definitely yes!" / T-Rex: This is because if you were friends with EVERYONE ever in the history of time, you'd have so many people who'd expect you to talk with them on the phone and hang out with them and stuff, and there's only so many hours in a day! Eventually you'd end up snubbing at least SOME of them, which is bad. / T-Rex: Therefore, yes, it is possible to have too many friends! / Utahraptor: You know, talking like this risks backlash, T-Rex! / T-Rex: How so? / Utahraptor: Well, few people worry about having too many friends, and those who feel like they could maybe use some more friends might become resentful. It's not the sort of thing you go looking for sympathy about. / T-Rex: I don't have too many friends! I was speaking hypothetically! / T-Rex: I could use some more friends, actually. I tried calling an escort service once but it turns out that is a euphemism and all the people there were just interested in sex for money! / T-Rex: I was like "Hah hah, what?"
so yeah, he's going. Narrator: THE DAY DROMICEIOMIMUS INVITED PEOPLE TO A PARTY TOO EARLY / Narrator: (in comic form!) / T-Rex: Well! I certainly hope I don't get prematurely invited to any PARTIES today! / Narrator: BUT THEN...! / Dromiceiomimus: Hey T-Rex, do you want to hang out on New Year's Eve? / T-Rex: What? But it's barely November. You're planning this now? / Dromiceiomimus: Yep! It's not going to be that big of a party, but I thought people might be in high demand, so I'm asking now. / T-Rex: I - I guess I don't have any other plans! / T-Rex: Huh! That was weird! / Utahraptor: What was? / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus invited me to a party like two months in advance! But - more weird was that I was actually musing about not wanting to be prematurely invited to any parties just before she spoke to me. It's incredible. / Utahraptor: That's so unlikely. It's such a weird thing to worry about. / T-Rex: I know! I'm freaking out over here. This is me: / T-Rex: HUH??? CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THE CONFLUX OF THESE TWO EVENTS? / T-Rex: That's seriously me right now!
autodidacticism comix T-Rex: You know what's better than school? Not being in school but still learning! / T-Rex: Yes indeed! I have decided to become AUTODIDACTIC. / T-Rex: This means that I eschew formal schooling and learn on my own terms at my own pace, Dromiceiomimus! I learn things that interest me and don't rely on someone else to tell me what I should and should not know. / Dromiceiomimus: Didn't you graduate years ago? / T-Rex: Shhh! / Utahraptor: Hey, why are you setting up learning on your own and learning in a classroom as opposites? / Utahraptor: It's not you can't do both! Learning is learning, and some ways work better for some people. / T-Rex: Well, I've also incorporated into my auto-didacticism a distrust of schools as inefficient, repressive institutions. It's part of my new "damn the man" persona! / T-Rex: I can demonstrate, my friend! Ask me where I picked up a word like "autodidacticism"! / Utahraptor: Where'd you pick up a word like "autodidacticism"? / T-Rex: Not from any SCHOOL!
t-rex has a cold :( T-Rex: Nobody can kiss me today, because I'm sick. / T-Rex: Sorry, LADIES! / T-Rex: While you may have wanted a smooch just now, Dromiceiomimus, you can't have one because I'm sick! I have a cold. / Dromiceiomimus: That's alright - I'm sure I'll survive somehow. / T-Rex: M-Maybe tomorrow? / Utahraptor: Is this a new kind of come-on for you, T-Rex? / T-Rex: No! / Utahraptor: It is! I bet you're just trying to play "hard to get". And, actually, by announcing that nobody can kiss you, you imply that they'd probably want to kiss you under normal circumstances. You're just spinning your cold, using it as good PR! / T-Rex: It's true! / T-Rex: But, I'm ALSO creating an artificial shortage of T-Rex kisses to increase demand. Would you say you irrationally want some of my kissing now? / Utahraptor: Nope! / T-Rex: Try harder!
guest week party central: john allison John Allison: Shiny time T-Rex drive / John Allison: Knock knock, a visitor has arrived! / John Allison: Yes there is panda! and baby! and frog! All delight at T-Rex presentation. / John Allison: OK to put panda and frog inside self! Warm, delicate feelings. / John Allison: Dessert is important. Never forget. / John Allison: Nutrition: the opposite of extinction! / Narrator: DINOSAUR TIP 1: TRICERATOPS LIKES WEEDS, DISLIKES GOOSEBERRIES
 
guest week party central: jamie mcgarry Narrator: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MR. RYAN NORTH / Ryan: *yawn* / Ryan: It's the start of another awesome day! / Ryan: Morning Drominica! / Drominica: Mind those lego models. / Ryan: Thanks for the tip! / Ryan: Whoah, there's another! / Guy: Hey Ryan! / Guy: Still making that lousy comic? / Ryan: Excuse me?!? / Guy: Come on, it's so unrealistic...things never happen in the exact same way every day. / Ryan: Well, it's just a comic! / Ryan: Whoever said comics have to mirror real life? / Devil: I HEAR THAT.
guest week party central: steven frank T-Rex: I recently heard about an event called the Race For The Cure! / T-Rex: It sounds cruel to me! / T-Rex: Why not just give the cure to all the sick people? For free? They're in no condition to be out racing! / Dromiceiomimus: I think you are confused, T-Rex. / T-Rex: I'll say I am! Who are these creeps, anyway? / Utahraptor: The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation? / T-Rex: But there's no cure for cancer! / Utahraptor: I think that's the whole point. / T-Rex: What nerve! / T-Rex: It's shameful! / T-Rex: The Race For The Cure must be stopped!
guest week party central: ryan sias T-Rex: I have a possibly inappropriate question / T-Rex: Do I dare ASK IT? / Dromiceiomimus: Will it offend people? / T-Rex: Maybe. / Dromiceiomimus: Is it a joke or a real question? / T-Rex: Both. / Utahraptor: Well, what is it? / T-Rex: I carry my stress in my lower back. / T-Rex: So if I was paralyzed from the chest down would I not feel my stress anymore? / Utahraptor: You're right that is inappropriate. / T-Rex: So did I just find a cure for the stress of the modern world or what? / T-Rex: Do you think it would work? / T-Rex: I'm willing to accept yes!
guest week party central: bernie hou T-Rex: #/usr/local/bin/qwantz / my ($bologna); / for ($i=0; $i<2; $i++) {print "$bologna{'name'}[$i]\n";} / T-Rex: # t-rex.pl / Dromiceiomimus: What's up T-Rex? / T-Rex: I've decided to start speaking in PERL more often! It's my favorite computer language! / Dromiceiomimus: What makes PERL so special? / T-Rex: Well for one thing, it's an extremely portable language. That means it works in all sorts of environments without many differences! / Utahraptor: You mean I can go to Uganda and they'll understand me? / T-Rex: Do they need Powerful word-parsing in Uganda? Try PERL's "Regular Expressions"! / T-Rex: For example, if you said "showers" and I said "s/sh/fl/", you'd get "flowers"! / Utahraptor: That's corny, T-Rex. / T-Rex: s/that's c/i'm h/ / Utahraptor: Seeya / T-Rex: s/see/boo/
guest week party central: ryan estrada T-Rex: I sometime wonder if I've become too dependent on my daily routine. / T-Rex: I think I need to start thinking "outside the box" / T-Rex: I will imagine that this house is the box. My stomping of said box will symbolize my ability to effect change in my life. / Dromiceiomimus: You will symbolize change through repetition? / T-Rex: DO NOT LESSEN THE METAPHOR! / Utahraptor: What does the girl represent? / T-Rex: Since I stomp the girl every day, she represents my daily routine. / Utahraptor: Your metaphors for changing seem to be a thinly-veiled attempt not to. / T-Rex: Oh yeah? Well this next one represents you. / T-Rex: LOOK AT ME! I'M A STUPID UTAHRAPTOR! I WISH I HAD LIFE ALL FIGURED OUT LIKE T-REX! / T-Rex: (left elbow down, right elbow up) The crazy Utahraptor thinks I have OCD. / T-Rex: (open mouth) I wonder what that stands for. "Overly Competent Dinosaur" / T-Rex: (Left foot, stomp house.) Or perhaps "Outstandingly Creative Dialogue".....Hey Dromiceiomimus, did you hear? Utahraptor thinks I am "One cool Dude"! / Dromiceiomimus: I am filled with my "Ordinarily Cautious Doubt" / T-Rex: (Turn around, stomp girl.) Hey Utahraptor, I really appreciate that you think I'm "Oh-so Clever and Delightful"! / Utahraptor: What? / Utahraptor: OCD stands for "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder"! It means you are consumed by the constant need to do something, in this case, stomp. / T-Rex: Oh, Crap! Detected! / T-Rex: Holy crap! There's a bomb in the comic. / T-Rex: If I stop stomping the comic will explode! / T-Rex: I must stomp unceasingly or we are all surely doomed! / Dromiceiomimus: Isn't that all you ever do anyway? / T-Rex: I must heroically continue to save us all! / Utahraptor: Holy Crap, T-Rex! You just stomped that house! / T-Rex: It's okay! It was full of cans! / T-Rex: You see what you've done? You've distracted me from my stomping. Now the comic will explode. / Utahraptor: I'd better run! / T-Rex: Now that he is gone I can freely admit that there never was a bomb. I just wanted an excuse to stomp! / T-Rex: I am reliving the same day of my life over and over again until I get it right. / T-Rex: I will prove it to you, I know what will happen before it happens! Watch: I am about to stomp a house. / T-Rex: You see that? Proof! / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, you are confusing yourself with a Bill Murray character again. / T-Rex: I knew you were going to say that! / Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex! I know what's going to happen too! / T-Rex: Really, what? / Utahraptor: You're going to say something stupid and then naively play it off as though everything worked out in your favor. / T-Rex: Oh yeah?? Well... I... predict that you're a stupid! / T-Rex: How did I know? You see that? Proof! / T-Rex: Hey, you know what I don't like anymore? STOMPING. / T-Rex: It's so overdone. I no longer enjoy STOMPING. / Dromiceiomimus: Hey T-Rex, why are you stomping that house? / T-Rex: Irony. Haven't you heard? It's cool to do things you no longer enjoy. / Utahraptor: And why are you stomping the girl? / T-Rex: Nostalgia. / T-Rex: It's been so long that I've enjoyed stomping that it has come back in style. / Utahraptor: It seems that all your stages of fashion involve stomping. / T-Rex: Irony and Nostalgia are no longer "In". The big thing now...... Stomping!
 
guest week party central: kent earle T-Rex: Bill Cosby is the greatest actor of all time! / T-Rex: Ha ha. Old Billy Cosby. / T-Rex: Don't you love Bill Cosby, Mr. Pterydactyl? / Dromiceiomimus: I'm a Dromiceiomimus. / T-Rex: Oh, whatever. You look the same / T-Rex: I love Bill Cosby. / Utahraptor: If you love him so much then why don't you marry him? / T-Rex: Maybe I will. / Utahraptor: You're gross. Bill Cosby is a man. / T-Rex: Yeah so? So what? What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say that I'm gay? Because if you are, I'm not, you know.
guest week party central: jeph jacques T-Rex: Hey Ryan! / Ryan: What? / T-Rex: RYAN! HEY! / Ryan: WHAT / <> DOODLE OODLE OOP BONG BONG! / Ryan: What was that awful music? Did you just eat a foley engineer? / T-Rex: You said your catchphrase! Every time you say "WHAT" some goofy music plays, so the audience knows when to laugh and applaud! / Ryan: T-Rex, when you became my roommate we agreed that our lives would not turn into a sitcom. / T-Rex: But think of the potential! You, the hip twentysomething man-about-town, me, the bumbling but goodhearted roommate.. think of the possibilities for humor and hijinks! / Ryan: No. No hijinks, no wacky neighbors, no hamfisted melodrama. We are going to lead normal lives. You are going to be a normal t-rex, and I am going to be a normal billionaire Canadian hair model. Now I am going to go into our normal kitchen and get a normal soda from our normal refrigerator. / Ryan: Aaaugh! Dammit T-Rex, how many times do I have to tell you not to leave slaughtered iguanodons on the kitchen counter? / T-Rex: Hijinks have ensued! / <> DOODLE OODLE OOP BONG BONG!
guest week party central: jon rosenberg T-Rex: After several years of study I think it is safe to say that I have a firm grasp on the nature of reality! / T-Rex: News Flash: Reality is super-awesome! / T-Rex: My comprehensive understanding of the inner workings of the universe gives me complete control over every aspect of existence! I am an omnipotent stud! / Utahraptor: But T-Rex, crushing things isn't fundamentally altering our universe. / T-Rex: It isn't? / Utahraptor: You're certainly changing your immediate environment, but to change the nature of the fabric of space time is far beyond our technological grasp. / T-Rex: Then I am going to be requesting a refund for that correspondence course! / T-Rex: Sally Struthers, you should be ashamed of yourself!
guest week party central: jim burgess T-Rex: I find it exquisitely funny to give someone a nickname that is at odds with said person's true identity. / T-Rex: Nicknames! / T-Rex: For example, I would nickname you Fat D. because in reality you are quite svelte! / Utahraptor: Hello there, T-Sex! / T-Rex: Gasp! / T-Rex: He must have been talking to someone behind me. / Devil: NO DUDE. YOU ARE TOTALLY ALONE.
the intercourse instinct T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for trying to explore THE VERY LIMITS OF MY OWN BODY. / T-Rex: By which I mean "examining instinctual responses", of course! / T-Rex: I find the idea of instincts interesting. What's it like having a drive to do something but not really understanding why? Have I ever felt an instinctive urge like that? / T-Rex: Well! I intend to find out, using the power of science coupled with the power of auto-experimentation! / Narrator: SOON: / Utahraptor: So, how's the experiment going? / T-Rex: TOTALLY SUCKY! / T-Rex: I can't figure out what I should be testing. What are some instincts people have? / Utahraptor: Oh, well, you could always put your favourite food in your mouth and try not to chew or swallow it. It's possible to do this, but the desire to eat it is strong. Tada! Instinct! / T-Rex: Ooh! OR, I could surround myself with attractive and sexually-available women and then try not to have the intercourse with them! / Utahraptor: That seems more like an excuse for group sex than actual science. / T-Rex: EXPERIMENT: APPROVED??
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 >>