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compressed pornography comics Narrator: COMPRESSED PORNOGRAPHY COMICS / T-Rex: Oh oh. . . / T-Rex: Cover your eyes! / T-Rex: Alright, I'm a plumber come to "fix your pipes" but you have no money! Also you're Asian. / Dromiceiomimus: Is there no way I can pay you? / T-Rex: Perhaps through... sexual intercourse? / Narrator: LATER. . . / T-Rex: Whew! / T-Rex: That was graphic! / Utahraptor: Can I borrow a cup of sugar? / T-Rex: Wait... why do you need sugar? / Utahraptor: It's a pretense for a scene of cooking-themed sex. / T-Rex: Oh my goodness! / Narrator: LATER. . . / T-Rex: Is this the face of exploitation?
no cussing (for real this time) T-Rex: Here's a question to ask myself: / T-Rex: "Why am I here?" / T-Rex: The answer? / T-Rex: I have no {{censored}} clue! / Dromiceiomimus: Hey! Careful with the cusses, Captain Cussy Pants! / T-Rex: Sorry. / T-Rex: My point is - / Utahraptor: Did you just swear?! / T-Rex: Yes I just swore! I said - / Utahraptor: I don't want to hear it! No cussing! / T-Rex: FINE. / T-Rex {{thought bubble}}: {{censored}} {{censored}} {{censored}} {{censored}} {{censored}} mother {{censored}}!!
alternate ending comics Narrator: ALTERNATE ENDING COMICS / T-Rex: that Utahraptor and his ilk. I don't care what he thinks we did! / T-Rex: What I do care about is vitamin B12! / Narrator: ENDING ONE / T-Rex: ... if only I knew more about it! / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: ENDING TWO / T-Rex: ... and that's when I woke up and realized that the past few weeks had all been some crazy dream! IT WAS ALL A DREAM! / Dromiceiomimus: Damn, guy, you shoulda realized when the Utahraptor was as big as you! / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: THANKS FOR READING! / Narrator: ENDING THREE / Utahraptor: How can you talk about vitamins when I'm having your baby? / T-Rex: What? / T-Rex: But - you're a guy! ... AREN'T YOU? / Utahraptor: So you assumed! But, think back! Did you ever see me wearing pants? / Utahraptor: Did ANYONE? / T-Rex: He - she's right! / Narrator: finito / Narrator: ENDING FIVE / Italics: IN MEMORY of GENE RODDENBERRY
depression comics: i wish i was never born! Narrator: DEPRESSION COMICS / T-Rex: It's all so meaningless! / T-Rex: No wonder nobody likes me! / T-Rex: Why should I even bother stomping this house? It's just going to get rebuilt. / T-Rex: Screw it! / T-Rex: Screw EVERYTHING! / Utahraptor: What the heck's your problem, T-Rex? / T-Rex: Oh, I'm just practicing. How was I? / Utahraptor: Pretty good. / T-Rex: I know, eh? / Utahraptor: Hey, can you do "I wish I was never born"? / T-Rex: I wish I was never born!
compressed film comics ]|[ Narrator: COMPRESSED FILM COMICS / Narrator: today's film: TITANIC / T-Rex: And that makes me the love interest! / T-Rex: I'm a ruffian with a heart of gold! Are there any sensual socialites on board? / Dromiceiomimus: I'm the snidely husband-to-be of just such a bored but sensual socialite: Rose! Stay away from her! Your "forbidden love" has no place in my haughty world of pretension. / T-Rex: You are repressing her free spirit and sexuality! Notice how I am a throughly modern hero, despite my being born in the 1900s? I am appealing to a hypothetical audience, 100 years in the future! / Utahraptor: I am Rose, your fated lover! Let us enjoy ourselves in this consequence-free environment! / T-Rex: Sweet! / T-Rex: Would you say that not even God Himself could tea us apart? / Utahraptor: There's no time for that now! The ship is sinking and there are not enough lifeboats! / Utahraptor: I will float on this piece of debris, but I am sorry, there is only enough room for one! / Narrator: DENOUEMENT: / T-Rex: I was a fool!
Egoism! T-Rex: I have discovered a new philosophy for life that appeals to my own sense of self-worth! / T-Rex: Egoism! / T-Rex: In egoism, all your actions are motivated by a desire to make things easy for one person: yourself! For instance, I crush this house because it's in my way. My actions are justified, thanks to egoism! / Dromiceiomimus: But what about yourself? You're only here because your parents selflessly decided to have children. Your very existence is against egoism. / T-Rex: They probably realized what a great dinosaur I'd be and figured it would be in their own interests to creat me! / Utahraptor: What the hell? / Utahraptor: First off, I don't know why you need egoism to justify the destruction you're going to wreak ANYWAY. Second off, egoism doesn't account for charity, unless you reduce it to 'good will in the bank', saved for some future benefit. That in turn doesn't account for charity seen in lesser animals, who aren't cognizant of such self-centered account-keeping. In conclusion: it's untenable. / T-Rex: "In conclusion: it's untenable"? YOU MUST BE A LOT OF FUN AT PARTIES!
choo Narrator: COMPRESSED SELF-REALIZATION COMICS / T-Rex: Oh boy! I wonder what the Utahraptor and I are going to talk about today? / T-Rex: You know what... / T-Rex: ... I really look forward to seeing him! / Narrator: THE END / Narrator: EXPANDED SNEEZE COMICS / T-Rex: Ah- / Utahraptor: Are you going to sneeze? / T-Rex: Ahh - / Utahraptor: You're going to sneeze! / T-Rex: Choo!
i have surprised even myself T-Rex: I have decided to become a scientist dinosaur. All I need to complete the ensemble is glasses and a lab coat. / T-Rex: You can call me... / T-Rex: Professor Tyrannosaurus Rex, PhD! / T-Rex: Do you have any science questions you'd like answered? / Dromiceiomimus: Actually... I have been dabbling in genetics and was wondering what a group of alleles is called. / T-Rex: It depends on what alleles you're talking about. In the same gene, they're called an "allelic series" but in different genes, a set of alleles is known as a "haplotype". / T-Rex: And now I will demonstrate stomping physics! / Utahraptor: Stop please! / Utahraptor: How the heck did you answer that genetics question just now? I didn't know you knew about stuff like that! / T-Rex: I - I don't know! / T-Rex: I have surprised even myself!
playing the pianer T-Rex: So then, today is a good day for learning to play the piano! / T-Rex: For such a skilled dinosaur as myself, it should be simple! / T-Rex: Besides, nothing says "cultured" like playing the piano! / Dromiceiomimus: Hey, if you learn to play the piano, does that mean you'll stop stomping on things? / T-Rex: No, I feel I can do both. / Utahraptor: But T-Rex, you can't play the piano! / T-Rex: What? / T-Rex: Why not? / Utahraptor: Well, uh - it's just that your arms are too tiny to possibly reach the keys. I'm uh (this is awkward) - I'm sorry, T-Rex, but this is one dream of yours that will be thwarted by your own body. / T-Rex: But / Utahraptor: I'm sorry. / Narrator: EARLIER THAT MORNING... / T-Rex: I bet if I could play the piano I would finally be happy with myself!
(a)bort, (r)etry, (m)urder T-Rex: I have been working on a script: a noir about a computer programmer who gets involved in a snuff film conspiracy. The title? / T-Rex: (A)bort, / T-Rex: (R)etry, / T-Rex: (M)urder! / T-Rex: So the main character - the programmer - saves the girl from the killer, but then makes an error... a FATAL ERROR. / Dromiceiomimus: Is the entire script based on computer puns? / T-Rex: Well... / T-Rex: So far, yeah. / T-Rex: But there is a scene where he types and the screen projects onto his face! / Utahraptor: Stop it! / Utahraptor: T-Rex, you're just ripping off every movie ever made with computers in it. What are you saying that's new? / Utahraptor: What are you saying that's original? / T-Rex: You must not have heard what my main character's name is! / T-Rex: STACK OVERFLOW!
everyone learn new languages T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for picking up a foreign language! To better myself and the world, so to speak! / T-Rex: Now, which language to choose... / T-Rex: I know! I'll just learn all of them! / Narrator: SOME SHORT TIME LATER... / T-Rex: Nenu maamsamu chepalu thinanu! / T-Rex: Nena shudda shaakaahaarini! / Dromiceiomimus: Nenu gudlu, paalu, venna tinanu. / T-Rex: Pokazi mi kade boli! / Utahraptor: Iskasht li pomosht? / T-Rex: Tova e dobre. / Woman: Ne sega! / Woman: Ako obichash! / T-Rex: Saluton! / T-Rex: Mi parolas Esperanton! / Utahraptor: Ne ridigu min! / T-Rex: Mi scias. / T-Rex: Oni rabatencis min. / T-Rex: *Asian characters*
people change T-Rex: It has come to my attention that I have different interests than I did when I was a child. In many significant ways, we are two different people. / T-Rex: So the questions is: / T-Rex: Who am I? / T-Rex: Since an individual can "evolve" over time, what makes them a person at all? Is there no connection between myself as a child and myself now, besides the fact that we share a (now post-pubescent) body? / T-Rex: What is the point about worrying about the Self if the Self is in a constant state of change? / T-Rex: Why should we bother assigning an identity to what is essentially one frame of a constantly-changing motion picture. / Utahraptor: T-Rex! / Utahraptor: I think you are overanalyzing this. People change, that is part of life. Just because we're in a state of gradual evolution doesn't mean we have no identity; indeed, that identity is probably what's guiding the evolution. / T-Rex: You raise some good points. However, you forget one crucial thing. / T-Rex: NOBODY ASKED YOU!
the silent treatment T-Rex: Man, that was indeed a good "zinger" I got the Utahraptor with yesterday. I wonder if I can get him again today with some-such similar ploy? / T-Rex: Just to keep the friendship interesting, you understand. / T-Rex: Hey, I bet if I ignore him, it will arouse a reaction! / T-Rex: Time to start practicing! Say something to me. / Dromiceiomimus: Huh? / T-Rex: What's that? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention! / T-Rex: This is awesome! / Utahraptor: Hey, quit stomping on things! / T-Rex: What's that? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention! / Utahraptor: I said, "quit stomping on things"! / T-Rex: Huh? Oh, you're still here! What were you saying? / Utahraptor: *sigh* / Utahraptor: Screw you, I'm going home. / T-Rex: Yes!
guest week - patrick wisking Narrator: Today: Origin of the dinosaur Comics, part I / T-Rex: Ahhh... such a fine day. An excellent day to stomp things, I should think. / T-Rex: There! I see just such a thing for me to stomp. But then are all things not equal under mine, the mightiest of feet? / T-Rex: Nothing beats a relaxing day of stomping humans and their tiny accessories. Especially for a T-Rex such as myself. / Dromiceiomimus: Some day all of this carnage and destruction is going to catch up with you. Perhaps even in the unlikely form of the destruction of our universe, and its replacement with an eerily similar one. / T-Rex: Hah! I'd like to see that! / Utahraptor: Stop! I just realized humans and dinosaurs never existed at the same time! / T-Rex: And yet here were are. / T-Rex: See? I've stomped hundreds of humans and nothing ever happens but a satisfying "squish". / Utahraptor: That was before you knew man and dino never coexisted! Your interaction could have dire repercussions. It could tear apart the very fabric of space and time! / T-Rex: What have I done?
guest week - patrick wisking Narrator: Today: Origin of the dinosaur comics, part ][ / T-Rex: What's happening to me? I feel so different all of a sudden! / T-Rex: My brain is flooding with new ideas and concepts! / T-Rex: This cabin for example, represents the great works of mankind. My foot symbolizing a Derridesque deconstruction, forever driving a wedge between the artist and his creation. / Dromiceiomimus: What are you doing? You've already destroyed one universe! / T-Rex: But what is a universe compared to the collective arts of countless civilizations? / T-Rex: Here comes that utahraptor, again. No doubt to debunk my pseudo-philosophical ideals. / Utahraptor: Stop, you fool. You'll ruin everything! / Utahraptor: With your knowledge, you can never again stomp the humans! / T-Rex: What?!?! / Human: *squish* / T-Rex: Have I learned nothing?!?!
guest week - patrick wisking [[Scene description]] Today, origin of the Dinosaur Comics, part }I{ / T-Rex: Ahhh, my old dinosaur bones yearn for a simpler time. / T-Rex: Truly ignorance is bliss. Ignorance and stomping humans, that is. / T-Rex: If that stupid Utahraptor hadn't told me his theory, I could easily stomp a tiny cabin like this wihout a care in the world. / Dromeceiomimus: It seems to me we'd all be better off if utahraptor had never told you anything. / T-Rex: Indeed we would... Indeed we would. / T-Rex: I knew this would get your attention. Now, why did you tell me your theory in the first place? / Utahraptor: You gave me the idea! / T-Rex: Funny, I don't remember that. / Utahraptor: Well, what's done is done. It's not as if you could travel back in time and stop me! / T-Rex: But what if i could?
guest week - patrick wisking Narrator: Today: Origin of the dinosaur comics, part IV / T-Rex: Well then, I'd best begin my preparations for time-travel! I'll stop that Utahraptor of 3 days ago from telling the past me about his theory. / T-Rex: Swirling maelstrom of dark energies: Check! / T-Rex: Dino-Goggles: Check! Well, that's everything. I guess I'm ready to go back through time. / T-Rex: Ahh, three days in the past. Now I'll get Utahraptor to tell his theory to me instead of the past me. / Utahraptor: Hi T-Rex, what's new? / T-Rex: Say... you wouldn't happen to have any new theories to tell me? Perhaps about humans and dinos not existing in the same time period? / Utahraptor: Hmmm... no, but that sounds like a great topic for my thesis! Thanks for the idea. / T-Rex: Not again!!
guest week - patrick wisking Narrator: Today: Origin of the dinosaur comics, part V / T-Rex: I can't believe it, I'm the source of my own problems? But I so enjoy blaming society for my shortcomings! / T-Rex: Perhaps a good stomping will ease my troubled mind. / Dromiceiomimus: I take it from your glum demeanor that your ill-advised foray into time-travel destroyed yet another reality? / T-Rex: Pretty much, yeah. / T-Rex: I guess you're here to gloat, Utahjerktor. / Utahraptor: Actually I'm here to congratulate you. / T-Rex: WHAA?? / Utahraptor: Since you proved time travel was possible, it doesn't matter that humans and dinos never coexisted. / T-Rex: Seriously? I guess my trip through time wasn't all bad then. I probably shouldn't have slept with my grandmother, though. / Utahraptor: What???? You only went back three days! / T-Rex: Shut up!
guest week - victor north and chris bullee T-Rex: I have been thinking lately / T-Rex: Does anyone truly own the internet? / T-Rex: I shall become its first and only lord! / Dromiceiomimus: You can't. It belongs to god. / T-Rex: God?!?! / Utahraptor: I hear you want the internet? / T-Rex: Yes. / Utahraptor: Well, you can't have it. It can't be policed. Infact, if you were even to put your ideas up on the internet you would lost control of them. Other people would use them. Change them. / T-Rex: Erk!
guest week - victor north and chris bullee T-Rex: Something is amiss! / T-Rex: Perhaps it is simply a problem with my vision? / T-Rex: Does the world look normal to you? / Dromiceiomimus: Perhaps you'd see things clearer standing in the light of god. / T-Rex: God?!?! / Utahraptor: Yes my son? / T-Rex: You gave me shitty eyeballs! / Utahraptor: And a lousy penis too! / T-Rex: Fucker!
guest week - victor north and amanda shiga T-Rex: When I'm dead I want to be rembered not for my fossiled remains but for my... / T-Rex: Rock Music!!!!! / T-Rex: wHHHOOOOoooo / Johnny loved a girl / She was no good / wHHo Hooow how / Johnny still loves her / But now he C-C- Can't get wood! / waaaAAAAOOOWWW! / Dromiceiomimus: That was awfull. Your "music" is against gods divine plan. / T-Rex: God?!?! / Utahraptor: It's true. There no room in heaven for foul lyrics and mega rock riffs. / T-Rex: but god...... / Utahraptor: I'm sorry. / T-Rex: ROCK MUSIC!!!!! / Utahraptor: If you want that sort of thing you'll have to go to hell. / T-Rex: Are there lots of hot babes in hell? / Utahraptor: No! / T-Rex: That was a joke! Hot babes? Hell? Hot? Hell is hot?
guest week - victor north and amanda shiga {{Title} Guest Week - victor north and amanda shiga} / T-Rex: I, THE T-REX HAVE COME TO A MOMENTUS DESCISION! / T-Rex: I WANNA GET LAID! / T-Rex: WHOOOOO!!!!! WHERE CAN I SCORE ME SOME FEMALE T-REX DINOSAURS?!? / Dromeceiomimus: I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT AFTER YOU SATISFY YOUR BASE DESIRES YOU PLAN TO CONFESS YOUR SINS BEFORE GOD. / T-Rex: GOD! / Utahraptor: NO PROBLEM BUDDY. I'LL JUST NEED A RIB / T-Rex: SERIOUSLY? / Utahraptor: SERIOUSLY. / T-Rex: I'VE GOT LOTS OF THOSE! / {{Meta-comic information} by victor north}
guest week - magaly obas Narrator: Time for a comic about... / Narrator: GOOD BOOKS, BAD BOOKS / T-Rex: *sigh*... I think it would be a great day to do some stomping... / T-Rex: Bwwhaahaahaaa! Take that, little tiny house! And THAT! Little tiny, car! / Dromiceiomimus: WAIT! Don't you worry that other dinos will start putting you in their bad books? / T-Rex: Bad books? I never thought about it. / T-Rex: Hahaha! You're going down, little woman! / Utahraptor: Wait! Stop! / T-Rex: Wha? / Utahraptor: T-Rex? Why do you have to be violent? You're already in everybody's bad books. Why can't you do something good for once? / T-Rex: I'm in everybody's bad book??? / T-Rex: But I want to be in the GOOD BOOKS!!!
guest week - john dejong, eric, the "big e" and oliver t.c. brackenbury Narrator: What If... All Dinosaurs Were Stand-Up Comedians? / T-Rex: It could happen! Think about it! / T-Rex: Have you ever wondered why dinosaurs are so loud? / T-Rex: I mean, is there any reason to be shouting? Have we lost a puppy? Are we dissatisfied with the taste of tar? Do we hurt our feet by CRUSHING PUNY LOG CABINS? / Dromiceiomimus: Boo! You suck, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Maybe it's because MY WIFE LEFT! / Utahraptor: Hey hey hey! / T-Rex: Huh? / Utahraptor: In Soviet Russia, inanimate objects step on you! / T-Rex: What a country! / Narrator: Answer: They'd all be retarded.
guest week - mel tayler and darryl payne Narrator: Cute Hand Drawn Dinosaur Comics / T-Rex: Today I think I will win over the Utahraptor with my wit / T-Rex: I have been carefully constructing a pun that not only applies to him as an individual but can also be appreciated by countless others / Utahraptor: Hey T! Did you hear that I'm going to be working at a golf club this summer? / T-Rex: Sounds like you'll be making a lot of "green"! / T-Rex: Get it? Get it? "GREEN"?! / T-Rex: What the hell is it going to take???
guest week - my dad randy, bruce firestone, matt plaumann T-Rex: Lately I have been questioning my choice to remain single. / T-Rex: Automobiles responsibility! Children! Housing! / T-Rex: She looks like a comely mate. I will impress here by my finesse and skill / Utahraptor: Stop! / T-Rex: Huh? / Utahraptor: Did you realize that you just laughed at somebody's house, car, + kid! / T-Rex: SHIT
guest week - joey comeau and emily horne T-Rex: Today I will become... / T-Rex: a comic artist! / T-Rex: I will win the Nobel Prize for webcomics! / Dromiceiomimus: The what? / T-Rex: I will have a garage for six cars!!! / T-Rex: I will have a telephone that lets me talk to Corey Feldman! / / Narrator: The loneliest laundromat. / Narrator: written by A DINOSAUR!!
guest week - darryl payne Narrator: Compressed Film Comics: The Wedding Singer / T-Rex: We're gonna party like it's 1985! / T-Rex: Hello. It's nice to meet you, my name is Julia Gulia. / T-Rex: Now, that is some GRADE A top-choice meat / Dromiceiomimus: You can't talk to Billy Idol that way! / Man: Please get out of my Van Halen T-Shirt before you jinx the band and they break up! / T-Rex: Do you really want to hurt Me? Do you really want to make me Cry? / T-Rex: Do you really want to hurt Me? Do you really want to make me Cry? / Utahraptor: Boy, George, you look a little gay / T-Rex: You could have brought that to my attention YESTERDAY! / Narrator: Moral: Think about what your name would be if you married someone ON THE FIRST DATE!
this is you! T-Rex: Enough of this life of a bachelor! The moment has arrived... / T-Rex: I am finally ready to settle down and start a family! / T-Rex: All I need now is a female T-Rex with similar interests! / T-Rex: Oh! And a nice body. / T-Rex: With a nice long tail. / T-Rex: (That's hot!) / T-Rex: I will seduce her with a two-pronged attack of my stomping skills and wit! / Utahraptor: Your "wit"? / T-Rex: Yes, I have a fine wit! / Utahraptor: Oh really? / T-Rex: Yes indeed! For I can do impressions! / T-Rex: This is you!

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