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i'm going to be the most old badass man T-rex: I'm going to be the most badass old man. You heard it here first! T-rex eventually equals... / T-rex: ULTIMATE OLD BADASS! / Dromiceiomimus: How are you going to pull this off, T-rex? There are already a LOT of badass elderlies. / T-rex: True! But I've got some angles. Like when I'm old and alone and all my friends are gone, I'll end my stories with "And everyone who witnessed THAT little incident? DEAD." / T-rex: Pretty badass, you guys! / Utahraptor: They died of old age, but you're implying you killed them? / T-rex: I'm not! / T-rex: I'll just be saying that everyone who saw me poop my pants in grade three had a good laugh, and it took a little while, but now each of them has met their maker. / Utahraptor: So - yes. Man, this really seems more morbid than "badass". / Utahraptor: I'm really unsure how bad this ass is. / T-rex: Wait, wait! Hold up!! / <<*RECORD SCRATCH*>> / T-rex: Talking about all my friends being dead has made me SAD
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1754
i'm going to be the most old badass man T-rex: I'm going to be the most badass old man. You heard it here first! T-rex eventually equals... / T-rex: ULTIMATE OLD BADASS! / Dromiceiomimus: How are you going to pull this off, T-rex? There are already a LOT of badass elderlies. / T-rex: True! But I've got some angles. Like when I'm old and alone and all my friends are gone, I'll end my stories with "And everyone who witnessed THAT little incident? DEAD." / T-rex: Pretty badass, you guys! / Utahraptor: They died of old age, but you're implying you killed them? / T-rex: I'm not! / T-rex: I'll just be saying that everyone who saw me poop my pants in grade three had a good laugh, and it took a little while, but now each of them has met their maker. / Utahraptor: So - yes. Man, this really seems more morbid than "badass". / Utahraptor: I'm really unsure how bad this ass is. / T-rex: Wait, wait! Hold up!! / <<*RECORD SCRATCH*>> / T-rex: Talking about all my friends being dead has made me SAD
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1754
backstory: facebook was a "social" "networking" website from dinosaur times. with it you could upload photos and other personal information that you never ever want deleted, no matter HOW MUCH you change your mind T-Rex: What we think is good is relative! It changes between individuals, cultures AND over time. Some people think grapes are great, some people hate them with an intensity that scares even the Devil. / Devil: I FEAR NAUGHT BUT SAVE FILE CORRUPTION / T-Rex: 500 years ago a song wouldn't be good if some dude talked all over the music! / T-Rex: But today some dude talking over the music is exactly what rap is - and not only do people think it's really good, but rappers DELIGHT in it! / T-Rex: ...Did you see what I did there, Dromiceiomimus? / T-Rex: Rapper's Delight? / T-Rex: It's a song / T-Rex: Anyway, "goodness" is an unstable, inconsistent and unreliable measure. / Utahraptor: So? / T-Rex: So, why are we SO CONCERNED if something is good or not? It's relative! It's an OPINION. We should judge things by something we can objectively measure: POPULARITY. / Utahraptor: Oh god / T-Rex: YES. From now on, I don't care if something is good. I just care if it's popular! / T-Rex: In other news! / T-Rex: Did you know that I have LITERALLY DOZENS of friends on Facebook?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1755
backstory: facebook was a "social" "networking" website from dinosaur times. with it you could upload photos and other personal information that you never ever want deleted, no matter HOW MUCH you change your mind T-Rex: What we think is good is relative! It changes between individuals, cultures AND over time. Some people think grapes are great, some people hate them with an intensity that scares even the Devil. / Devil: I FEAR NAUGHT BUT SAVE FILE CORRUPTION / T-Rex: 500 years ago a song wouldn't be good if some dude talked all over the music! / T-Rex: But today some dude talking over the music is exactly what rap is - and not only do people think it's really good, but rappers DELIGHT in it! / T-Rex: ...Did you see what I did there, Dromiceiomimus? / T-Rex: Rapper's Delight? / T-Rex: It's a song / T-Rex: Anyway, "goodness" is an unstable, inconsistent and unreliable measure. / Utahraptor: So? / T-Rex: So, why are we SO CONCERNED if something is good or not? It's relative! It's an OPINION. We should judge things by something we can objectively measure: POPULARITY. / Utahraptor: Oh god / T-Rex: YES. From now on, I don't care if something is good. I just care if it's popular! / T-Rex: In other news! / T-Rex: Did you know that I have LITERALLY DOZENS of friends on Facebook?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1755
you can always tell at a glance when the devil shows up in a comic. or like, from fifty paces Devil: GREETINGS T-REX I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THE TRULY EPIC SNUB YOU TREATED ME TO YESTERDAY / T-Rex: How epic was it? / Devil: T-REX / Devil: IT WAS THE SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS OF SNUBS / Devil: OR RATHER IT WAS ANALOGOUS TO HOW EPIC I UNDERSTAND THAT GAME TO BE AS I HAVEN'T PLAYED IT MY PERSONAL GAMING HARDWARE BEING UNFORTUNATELY SEVERAL GENERATIONS BEHIND / Devil: HOWEVER IT HAS RECEIVED NEAR UNIVERSAL PRAISE IN THE GAMING PRESS / T-Rex: Isn't that game old? / Devil: UM EXCUSE ME T-REX BUT GAMES DON'T GET OLD / Devil: THEY GET CLASSIC / Devil: WOULD YOU DESCRIBE SUPER MARIO 64 AS OLD / T-Rex: I - sometimes? / Utahraptor: Sometimes what? / Devil: NO YOU WOULD NOT YOU'D DESCRIBE IT AS AN AMAZING TRANSITION TO 3D OF CLASSIC PLATFORMING MECHANICS THAT DEFINED AND INSPIRED AN ENTIRE GENERATION / T-Rex: I - / Utahraptor: You what, T-Rex? / Devil: AND YOU WOULD BE CORRECT / Narrator: LATER: / Devil: AW FRIG / T-Rex: What now?! / Devil: MY SAVE FILES HAVE BECOME CORRUPTED T-REX / Devil: THIS / Devil: MY FRIEND / Devil: IS MY NEW NIGHTMARE
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1756
you can always tell at a glance when the devil shows up in a comic. or like, from fifty paces Devil: GREETINGS T-REX I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THE TRULY EPIC SNUB YOU TREATED ME TO YESTERDAY / T-Rex: How epic was it? / Devil: T-REX / Devil: IT WAS THE SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS OF SNUBS / Devil: OR RATHER IT WAS ANALOGOUS TO HOW EPIC I UNDERSTAND THAT GAME TO BE AS I HAVEN'T PLAYED IT MY PERSONAL GAMING HARDWARE BEING UNFORTUNATELY SEVERAL GENERATIONS BEHIND / Devil: HOWEVER IT HAS RECEIVED NEAR UNIVERSAL PRAISE IN THE GAMING PRESS / T-Rex: Isn't that game old? / Devil: UM EXCUSE ME T-REX BUT GAMES DON'T GET OLD / Devil: THEY GET CLASSIC / Devil: WOULD YOU DESCRIBE SUPER MARIO 64 AS OLD / T-Rex: I - sometimes? / Utahraptor: Sometimes what? / Devil: NO YOU WOULD NOT YOU'D DESCRIBE IT AS AN AMAZING TRANSITION TO 3D OF CLASSIC PLATFORMING MECHANICS THAT DEFINED AND INSPIRED AN ENTIRE GENERATION / T-Rex: I - / Utahraptor: You what, T-Rex? / Devil: AND YOU WOULD BE CORRECT / Narrator: LATER: / Devil: AW FRIG / T-Rex: What now?! / Devil: MY SAVE FILES HAVE BECOME CORRUPTED T-REX / Devil: THIS / Devil: MY FRIEND / Devil: IS MY NEW NIGHTMARE
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1756
T-Rex' disappointing day God: T-REX DID YOU KNOW THAT ANYONE CAN SEND OUT A PRESS RELEASE / God: I JUST SENT ONE OUT ALERTING THE PUBLIC THAT I AM HUNGRY / God: GOD HUNGRY IT SAYS / T-Rex: I did not! / God: IT COST ME FIFTY DOLLARS / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Hi Dromiceiomimus! Did you... READ THE PAPER TODAY? / Dromiceiomimus: Nope, on account of how I'm not 65! / T-Rex: Okay, TRUE, but did you read online news today? / Dromiceiomimus: Yep. Nothing much to report! / T-Rex: ALRIGHT, I WILL STOP BEING COY. I TOTALLY PUT OUT A PRESS RELEASE. LET'S ALL GET EXCITED NOW, OKAY? / Utahraptor: That doesn't mean papers picked it up though! / T-Rex: WHAT. / Utahraptor: Yeah, press releases are just you saying stuff; papers will only run with interesting ones. If they haven't any real news to go with already, I mean. / T-Rex: Utahraptor, I say this without exaggeration: this has been the most disappointing day I've had all week. / T-Rex: I say this WITH exaggeration: this has been THE MOST DISAPPOINTING DAY IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE, in this or any other universe, real or imagined; across all timelines, this day -- my day -- is the objective, subjective, figurative and literal worst. / T-Rex: Plus I'm out fifty bucks!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1757
T-Rex' disappointing day God: T-REX DID YOU KNOW THAT ANYONE CAN SEND OUT A PRESS RELEASE / God: I JUST SENT ONE OUT ALERTING THE PUBLIC THAT I AM HUNGRY / God: GOD HUNGRY IT SAYS / T-Rex: I did not! / God: IT COST ME FIFTY DOLLARS / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Hi Dromiceiomimus! Did you... READ THE PAPER TODAY? / Dromiceiomimus: Nope, on account of how I'm not 65! / T-Rex: Okay, TRUE, but did you read online news today? / Dromiceiomimus: Yep. Nothing much to report! / T-Rex: ALRIGHT, I WILL STOP BEING COY. I TOTALLY PUT OUT A PRESS RELEASE. LET'S ALL GET EXCITED NOW, OKAY? / Utahraptor: That doesn't mean papers picked it up though! / T-Rex: WHAT. / Utahraptor: Yeah, press releases are just you saying stuff; papers will only run with interesting ones. If they haven't any real news to go with already, I mean. / T-Rex: Utahraptor, I say this without exaggeration: this has been the most disappointing day I've had all week. / T-Rex: I say this WITH exaggeration: this has been THE MOST DISAPPOINTING DAY IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE, in this or any other universe, real or imagined; across all timelines, this day -- my day -- is the objective, subjective, figurative and literal worst. / T-Rex: Plus I'm out fifty bucks!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1757
has anyone ever said "road trip" without saying "woo"? If they have, I certainly don't want to know about it. T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus and I are going on a road trip! / T-Rex: ROAD TRIP, WOO!! / T-Rex: Nobody tell Utahraptor, okay?? / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, if our road trip is a secret - and if it is it's news to me - then why are you announcing it? You're walking around in a sandwich board that says "I've got a SECRET, you guys!", and on the back it says "SERIOUSLY!! Hold on, I'll tell you about it." / T-Rex: ...Metaphorically? / Dromiceiomimus: It's - it's so close to being literally, T-Rex. / Narrator: SUDDENLY! / Utahraptor: Hey, what were you guys talking about? / T-Rex: Certainly not SECRETS, Utahraptor! / T-Rex: Certainly not secrets that I'm keeping from you. Certainly not TERRIBLE, EXPLOSIVE secrets that, once revealed, could threaten the very foundation of our friendship!!! / Utahraptor: Ah. / T-Rex: *cough* / T-Rex: *DromiceiomimusandIaregoingonaroadtrip* / T-Rex: *cough* / T-Rex: *Holycrap* / T-Rex: *Ididn'tknowIcouldtalklikethis* / T-Rex: *Mybodyisawonderlandyouguys*
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1758
has anyone ever said "road trip" without saying "woo"? If they have, I certainly don't want to know about it. T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus and I are going on a road trip! / T-Rex: ROAD TRIP, WOO!! / T-Rex: Nobody tell Utahraptor, okay?? / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, if our road trip is a secret - and if it is it's news to me - then why are you announcing it? You're walking around in a sandwich board that says "I've got a SECRET, you guys!", and on the back it says "SERIOUSLY!! Hold on, I'll tell you about it." / T-Rex: ...Metaphorically? / Dromiceiomimus: It's - it's so close to being literally, T-Rex. / Narrator: SUDDENLY! / Utahraptor: Hey, what were you guys talking about? / T-Rex: Certainly not SECRETS, Utahraptor! / T-Rex: Certainly not secrets that I'm keeping from you. Certainly not TERRIBLE, EXPLOSIVE secrets that, once revealed, could threaten the very foundation of our friendship!!! / Utahraptor: Ah. / T-Rex: *cough* / T-Rex: *DromiceiomimusandIaregoingonaroadtrip* / T-Rex: *cough* / T-Rex: *Holycrap* / T-Rex: *Ididn'tknowIcouldtalklikethis* / T-Rex: *Mybodyisawonderlandyouguys*
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1758
 
in other news: i could read the essays on ex-astris-scientia.org all day T-Rex: Who would win in a fight: the Enterprise or the Millennium Falcon? And NO, the correct answer is not "the audience". / T-Rex: The correct answer is that this scenario is ludicrous and impossible! / T-Rex: Star Trek and Star Wars are two different universes, literally: physics works differently in each of them! The Falcon flies like it's in atmosphere, DESPITE THE FACT IT'S CLEARLY IN SPACE. In contrast, Trek ships generally meet each other on a fixed axis, like they're in water! / T-Rex: CLEARLY this is symptomatic of larger differences in basic universal physics. / T-Rex: Put the Millennium Falcon near Federation Headquarters... / Utahraptor: ...and it'll win the fight! / T-Rex: Nope! Its "hyperdrive" will catastrophically fail, exploding due to mismatched physics errors. I guarantee it! These ships don't work outside of the universe they're designed for. / Utahraptor: Wow, you've out-geeked an already super-geeky debate. Nice! / T-Rex: Thanks! / T-Rex: Now that that's out of the way, we can consider the real question, which is who would win in a fight: Data or Han Solo? / Utahraptor: PERSONALLY, I think they'd be pals. / T-Rex: Oh my god! / T-Rex: I know, right??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1759
in other news: i could read the essays on ex-astris-scientia.org all day T-Rex: Who would win in a fight: the Enterprise or the Millennium Falcon? And NO, the correct answer is not "the audience". / T-Rex: The correct answer is that this scenario is ludicrous and impossible! / T-Rex: Star Trek and Star Wars are two different universes, literally: physics works differently in each of them! The Falcon flies like it's in atmosphere, DESPITE THE FACT IT'S CLEARLY IN SPACE. In contrast, Trek ships generally meet each other on a fixed axis, like they're in water! / T-Rex: CLEARLY this is symptomatic of larger differences in basic universal physics. / T-Rex: Put the Millennium Falcon near Federation Headquarters... / Utahraptor: ...and it'll win the fight! / T-Rex: Nope! Its "hyperdrive" will catastrophically fail, exploding due to mismatched physics errors. I guarantee it! These ships don't work outside of the universe they're designed for. / Utahraptor: Wow, you've out-geeked an already super-geeky debate. Nice! / T-Rex: Thanks! / T-Rex: Now that that's out of the way, we can consider the real question, which is who would win in a fight: Data or Han Solo? / Utahraptor: PERSONALLY, I think they'd be pals. / T-Rex: Oh my god! / T-Rex: I know, right??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1759
this friendship could be paying off in pure uncut FRIENDSHIP BUX T-Rex: My game begins, and you are a tiny plumber! / T-Rex: Then you eat a mushroom, and you become a bigger plumber! / T-Rex: Then you eat a flower, and you gain the ability to shoot fire out of your hands! / Dromiceiomimus: This sounds a lot like Super Mario Brothers, T-Rex! / T-Rex: No, wait, because here's where it gets different: you've gained the ability to shoot fire out of your hands, but you HAVEN'T gained the ability to avoid suffering serious burns when you shoot out of your hands, so you suffer serious burns. On your hands. Then you press "A" to go to the burn ward. / Utahraptor: And if I refuse? / T-Rex: To press A? Then your hands are really messed up, dude!! / T-Rex: MAN. It's gross. The rest of the game is a 3d model of your burned up hands. Most of the game's budget goes toward this one scene. "Never have burned hands been so terribly realistic," the reviews will say, "...so that is certainly something." / Utahraptor: There are times when I'm glad you lack the skill to make games take place, T-Rex. / T-Rex: But there are also times when you see that as the terrible tragedy of our times, right? Times when you'd wish nothing more than to build my game, so you could control the gross burnt-up fire hands of which I've dared to dream?? / T-Rex: Because if so, this friendship could be PAYING OFF
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1760
this friendship could be paying off in pure uncut FRIENDSHIP BUX T-Rex: My game begins, and you are a tiny plumber! / T-Rex: Then you eat a mushroom, and you become a bigger plumber! / T-Rex: Then you eat a flower, and you gain the ability to shoot fire out of your hands! / Dromiceiomimus: This sounds a lot like Super Mario Brothers, T-Rex! / T-Rex: No, wait, because here's where it gets different: you've gained the ability to shoot fire out of your hands, but you HAVEN'T gained the ability to avoid suffering serious burns when you shoot out of your hands, so you suffer serious burns. On your hands. Then you press "A" to go to the burn ward. / Utahraptor: And if I refuse? / T-Rex: To press A? Then your hands are really messed up, dude!! / T-Rex: MAN. It's gross. The rest of the game is a 3d model of your burned up hands. Most of the game's budget goes toward this one scene. "Never have burned hands been so terribly realistic," the reviews will say, "...so that is certainly something." / Utahraptor: There are times when I'm glad you lack the skill to make games take place, T-Rex. / T-Rex: But there are also times when you see that as the terrible tragedy of our times, right? Times when you'd wish nothing more than to build my game, so you could control the gross burnt-up fire hands of which I've dared to dream?? / T-Rex: Because if so, this friendship could be PAYING OFF
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1760
what i love about dinosaur comics (AND YES I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY OWN COMIC IN THIS WAY) is that everyone is a dinosaur, so the Titanic here was gigantic ship built by dinosaurs, scaled to dinosaur sizes, and filled with dinosaurs. NICE. T-Rex: If the Titanic had hit the iceberg head-on, damage would have been limited to the comparatively strong bow of the ship, and only a few compartments would have been flooded. Some would've been hurt and maybe even killed - / T-Rex: - but the ship would not have sunk! / Dromiceiomimus: Alternatively, Titanic's rudder was mounted behind her middle propeller, which was on a turbine not designed to work in reverse. When the iceberg was spotted and the first officer ordered both the hard-to-port turn and full reverse, this middle propeller simply stopped, greatly hampering the effectiveness of the rudder. Ordering the turn at speed would likely have saved the ship. / T-Rex: An excellent point, Dromiceiomimus! / Utahraptor: The ship could also have been saved with a bomb threat, delaying its maiden voyage! / T-Rex: Yep! / T-Rex: If I'd been there I could've altered orders, I could've modified the ship's route, I could've done one of a hundred thousand things to save the ship and all 1517 aboard her who perished. / Utahraptor: ...Except you weren't there and were born decades after this all took place. / T-Rex: TRUE. / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Attention, self! I don't know why you still feel bad about not preventing the Titanic disaster; you are basically as blameless as it is possible for a dude to be. / T-Rex: Don't stop though
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1761
this summer comes a novel so terrifying you may end up in bed with terror, fully satisfied. T-Rex: My new story is a horror story! SO PREPARE TO EMBRACE TERROR. PREPARE TO EMBRACE TERROR AS HARD AS YOU CAN. PREPARE TO CRY TEARS OF PURE FREEBASED AFRAIDNESS ON TERROR'S SHOULDER. / T-Rex: TERROR COMFORTS YOU YOU AS THE TEARS FLOW. / T-Rex: YOU PULL BACK FROM TERROR AND STARE INTO ITS EYES, AS TERROR LOOKS DEEPLY INTO YOURS. YOUR TEARS STOP, REPLACED BY SOMETHING ELSE. IS IT - DESIRE? COULD TERROR POSSIBLY FEEL THE SAME THING? YOU LIPS TOUCH, TENTATIVELY. YOU - / Dromiceiomimus: You were writing a horror story? / T-Rex: Hold on Dromeceiomimus, something's happening here. Where was I? Oh yeah: / T-Rex: YOU MAKE OUT WITH TERROR. / T-Rex: YOU'RE MAKING OUT WITH TERROR PRETTY HARD NOW. / Utahraptor: TERROR BEGINS TO PULL OFF YOUR CLOTHES. / T-Rex: "BUT WAIT," YOU SAY, "WHAT IF SOMEONE SHOULD COME ACROSS US IN THIS IDYLLIC GLEN?" TERROR REPLIES LUSTILY, "LET THEM; I WANT YOU NOW AND I DON'T CARE." / Utahraptor: YOU ARE IMPRESSED BY THE SEMICOLON USE AND, THEREFORE, CONSENT TO SEXUAL CONGRESS. / T-Rex: AWESOME. / T-Rex: LATER ON TERROR AND YOU SNUGGLE AND YOU SAY "THAT WAS EXCELLENT. I'M SO GLAD I EMBRACED YOU EARLIER." AND TERROR SIGHS AND SAYS "ME TOO". / T-Rex: Later on, murders!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1762
this summer comes a novel so terrifying you may end up in bed with terror, fully satisfied. T-Rex: My new story is a horror story! SO PREPARE TO EMBRACE TERROR. PREPARE TO EMBRACE TERROR AS HARD AS YOU CAN. PREPARE TO CRY TEARS OF PURE FREEBASED AFRAIDNESS ON TERROR'S SHOULDER. / T-Rex: TERROR COMFORTS YOU YOU AS THE TEARS FLOW. / T-Rex: YOU PULL BACK FROM TERROR AND STARE INTO ITS EYES, AS TERROR LOOKS DEEPLY INTO YOURS. YOUR TEARS STOP, REPLACED BY SOMETHING ELSE. IS IT - DESIRE? COULD TERROR POSSIBLY FEEL THE SAME THING? YOU LIPS TOUCH, TENTATIVELY. YOU - / Dromiceiomimus: You were writing a horror story? / T-Rex: Hold on Dromeceiomimus, something's happening here. Where was I? Oh yeah: / T-Rex: YOU MAKE OUT WITH TERROR. / T-Rex: YOU'RE MAKING OUT WITH TERROR PRETTY HARD NOW. / Utahraptor: TERROR BEGINS TO PULL OFF YOUR CLOTHES. / T-Rex: "BUT WAIT," YOU SAY, "WHAT IF SOMEONE SHOULD COME ACROSS US IN THIS IDYLLIC GLEN?" TERROR REPLIES LUSTILY, "LET THEM; I WANT YOU NOW AND I DON'T CARE." / Utahraptor: YOU ARE IMPRESSED BY THE SEMICOLON USE AND, THEREFORE, CONSENT TO SEXUAL CONGRESS. / T-Rex: AWESOME. / T-Rex: LATER ON TERROR AND YOU SNUGGLE AND YOU SAY "THAT WAS EXCELLENT. I'M SO GLAD I EMBRACED YOU EARLIER." AND TERROR SIGHS AND SAYS "ME TOO". / T-Rex: Later on, murders!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1762
like most everyone with a titanic story, I made a "Britannic" sequel. nowhere to go now but to the ol' reliable RMS Olympic! and then to the alternate-universe HMS Gigantic? and then the futuristic HMHoverS Gigantic 3000. anyway, i got plans T-Rex: Britannic was Titanic's sister ship! After Titanic sank, they upgraded her to make her MORE SINKPROOF. But before she could begin transatlantic service, the Great War broke out and she was converted into a GIANT FLOATING HOSPITAL. / T-Rex: And it was as a hospital ship that she struck a mine and sank! / Dromiceiomimus: That's true, T-Rex, but she sank for very different reasons than the Titanic. Despite the huge hole in her side, she could've remained afloat and motionless, if it weren't for the fact that nurses had opened portholes on the lower decks to get a breeze! Water flooded in as soon as the ship listed. As much as the Titanic is a symbol for hubris, the Britannic is a symbol of how SHIT GOES FOUL sometimes no matter how well you plan. / T-Rex: INTERESTING. / Utahraptor: The ship sank only a few miles from shore, didn't she? / T-Rex: Yep! / T-Rex: The captain actually gave the order to gun the engines and beach the ship on the shore, but some lifeboats were launched against orders, two of which ended up DRIFTING INTO THE PROPELLERS, with pretty much the results you'd expect. / Utahraptor: Holy smokes. / T-Rex: Yeah. / Narrator: THE MORAL OF THE STORY: / T-Rex: Shit certainly DOES go foul sometimes, you guys
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1763
like most everyone with a titanic story, I made a "Britannic" sequel. nowhere to go now but to the ol' reliable RMS Olympic! and then to the alternate-universe HMS Gigantic? and then the futuristic HMHoverS Gigantic 3000. anyway, i got plans T-Rex: Britannic was Titanic's sister ship! After Titanic sank, they upgraded her to make her MORE SINKPROOF. But before she could begin transatlantic service, the Great War broke out and she was converted into a GIANT FLOATING HOSPITAL. / T-Rex: And it was as a hospital ship that she struck a mine and sank! / Dromiceiomimus: That's true, T-Rex, but she sank for very different reasons than the Titanic. Despite the huge hole in her side, she could've remained afloat and motionless, if it weren't for the fact that nurses had opened portholes on the lower decks to get a breeze! Water flooded in as soon as the ship listed. As much as the Titanic is a symbol for hubris, the Britannic is a symbol of how SHIT GOES FOUL sometimes no matter how well you plan. / T-Rex: INTERESTING. / Utahraptor: The ship sank only a few miles from shore, didn't she? / T-Rex: Yep! / T-Rex: The captain actually gave the order to gun the engines and beach the ship on the shore, but some lifeboats were launched against orders, two of which ended up DRIFTING INTO THE PROPELLERS, with pretty much the results you'd expect. / Utahraptor: Holy smokes. / T-Rex: Yeah. / Narrator: THE MORAL OF THE STORY: / T-Rex: Shit certainly DOES go foul sometimes, you guys
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1763
 
this...! can't...! be...! happening! T-Rex: Okay, it's time for a TRUE horror story, for reals this time. Prepare yourself to be SO TERRIFIED that your mind breaks; prepare to be reduced to GIBBERING MADNESS! / T-Rex: Prepare to lose your job for gibbering madness all the time! / T-Rex: Prepare to rely on our social safety net and go on welfare. PREPARE FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO CHANGE as soon as you read my chilling words of blinding insanity and congealed terror, safely printed on non-toxic paper that you read while holding the book at a reasonable distance. / Dromiceiomimus: Okay! I've prepared for all those things, T-Rex. / Utahraptor: Yeah, let's hear your story! We're all hella prepared for terror and madness. / T-Rex: Okay, but I warned you! / T-Rex: Ahem. One day a murderer went crazy and sliced people in half until they DIED. He killed everyone in town and then he turned to the camera and said he'd kill you, the reader!! / T-Rex: THE END!! / Utahraptor: Are you looking for feedback? / T-Rex: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE HORROR? / T-Rex and Utahraptor: Not really I guess
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1764
this...! can't...! be...! happening! T-Rex: Okay, it's time for a TRUE horror story, for reals this time. Prepare yourself to be SO TERRIFIED that your mind breaks; prepare to be reduced to GIBBERING MADNESS! / T-Rex: Prepare to lose your job for gibbering madness all the time! / T-Rex: Prepare to rely on our social safety net and go on welfare. PREPARE FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO CHANGE as soon as you read my chilling words of blinding insanity and congealed terror, safely printed on non-toxic paper that you read while holding the book at a reasonable distance. / Dromiceiomimus: Okay! I've prepared for all those things, T-Rex. / Utahraptor: Yeah, let's hear your story! We're all hella prepared for terror and madness. / T-Rex: Okay, but I warned you! / T-Rex: Ahem. One day a murderer went crazy and sliced people in half until they DIED. He killed everyone in town and then he turned to the camera and said he'd kill you, the reader!! / T-Rex: THE END!! / Utahraptor: Are you looking for feedback? / T-Rex: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE HORROR? / T-Rex and Utahraptor: Not really I guess
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1764
this...! can't...! be...! happening! T-Rex: Okay, it's time for a TRUE horror story, for reals this time. Prepare yourself to be SO TERRIFIED that your mind breaks; prepare to be reduced to GIBBERING MADNESS! / T-Rex: Prepare to lose your job for gibbering madness all the time! / T-Rex: Prepare to rely on our social safety net and go on welfare. PREPARE FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO CHANGE as soon as you read my chilling words of blinding insanity and congealed terror, safely printed on non-toxic paper that you read while holding the book at a reasonable distance. / Dromiceiomimus: Okay! I've prepared for all those things, T-Rex. / Utahraptor: Yeah, let's hear your story! We're all hella prepared for terror and madness. / T-Rex: Okay, but I warned you! / T-Rex: Ahem. One day a murderer went crazy and sliced people in half until they DIED. He killed everyone in town and then he turned to the camera and said he'd kill you, the reader!! / T-Rex: THE END!! / Utahraptor: Are you looking for feedback? / T-Rex: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE HORROR? / T-Rex and Utahraptor: Not really I guess
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1764
for t-rex the difference between a "will" and a "final wish" is that the final wish is something you tell people well in advance but never write down. it is somehow the more legally binding of the pair T-Rex: When I die I would like my ashes scattered at the north pole. / T-Rex: Oh snap! CAN'T NOT DO IT NOW, cats and kittens! / Dromiceiomimus: I thought we covered this before, T-Rex? Your will isn't necessarily legally binding. / T-Rex: Man, this isn't my will! These are my FINAL WISHES. Dudes GOT to act in accordance with my final wishes! They're the last things I ever did wish, and that makes them LEGALLY BINDING to the max. To the TOTALLY ULTIMATE EXTREME MAX, Dromiceiomimus, and I'm NOT a man to say "totally ultimate extreme max" lightly. / T-Rex: But on second thought, screw the north pole! / Utahraptor: That does seem more practical! / T-Rex: Indeed! Now I'd like for my ashes to be hurled backwards through TIME ITSELF, to be mixed into the primordial ooze from which we all came. YES. My final wish is for all life to have developed either in or about my earthly remains. / Utahraptor: Hah! Is that the first time that sentence has ever been said? / T-Rex: Utahraptor, please! / T-Rex: That sentence is BASICALLY my daily affirmation
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1765
for t-rex the difference between a "will" and a "final wish" is that the final wish is something you tell people well in advance but never write down. it is somehow the more legally binding of the pair T-Rex: When I die I would like my ashes scattered at the north pole. / T-Rex: Oh snap! CAN'T NOT DO IT NOW, cats and kittens! / Dromiceiomimus: I thought we covered this before, T-Rex? Your will isn't necessarily legally binding. / T-Rex: Man, this isn't my will! These are my FINAL WISHES. Dudes GOT to act in accordance with my final wishes! They're the last things I ever did wish, and that makes them LEGALLY BINDING to the max. To the TOTALLY ULTIMATE EXTREME MAX, Dromiceiomimus, and I'm NOT a man to say "totally ultimate extreme max" lightly. / T-Rex: But on second thought, screw the north pole! / Utahraptor: That does seem more practical! / T-Rex: Indeed! Now I'd like for my ashes to be hurled backwards through TIME ITSELF, to be mixed into the primordial ooze from which we all came. YES. My final wish is for all life to have developed either in or about my earthly remains. / Utahraptor: Hah! Is that the first time that sentence has ever been said? / T-Rex: Utahraptor, please! / T-Rex: That sentence is BASICALLY my daily affirmation
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1765
it also means that my dad met me and decided i WASN'T a dud and that he totally had to make me happen T-Rex: On their wedding day, my dad got cold feet, almost standing my mother up until someone talked some sense into him and he went back to the church and got married! He never told me who that person was, and today I realized the reason why: / T-Rex: You guys! It was probably ME! / T-Rex: It all makes sense, Dromiceiomimus! My own existence is threatened, so I go back in time to the day my parents get married to ensure my own creation. I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING MYSELF. My parents get some credit too I GUESS, but seriously: how perfect is that?? / Dromiceiomimus: Um... pretty perfect? / T-Rex: I'm totally looking forward to my time travel adventures, Dromiceiomimus! / Utahraptor: Who was it really who talked him into it: a friend? His father? / T-Rex: Utahraptor, please! / T-Rex: Which would you prefer: to have a best friend who, thanks to a stable time loop, has LITERALLY CAJOLED HIMSELF INTO EXISTENCE, or -- / Utahraptor: -- or a best friend who can tell interesting stories without making them science fiction author insertion epics? / T-Rex: Amazing! / T-Rex: You've somehow managed to say that like it's a bad thing!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1766
it also means that my dad met me and decided i WASN'T a dud and that he totally had to make me happen T-Rex: On their wedding day, my dad got cold feet, almost standing my mother up until someone talked some sense into him and he went back to the church and got married! He never told me who that person was, and today I realized the reason why: / T-Rex: You guys! It was probably ME! / T-Rex: It all makes sense, Dromiceiomimus! My own existence is threatened, so I go back in time to the day my parents get married to ensure my own creation. I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING MYSELF. My parents get some credit too I GUESS, but seriously: how perfect is that?? / Dromiceiomimus: Um... pretty perfect? / T-Rex: I'm totally looking forward to my time travel adventures, Dromiceiomimus! / Utahraptor: Who was it really who talked him into it: a friend? His father? / T-Rex: Utahraptor, please! / T-Rex: Which would you prefer: to have a best friend who, thanks to a stable time loop, has LITERALLY CAJOLED HIMSELF INTO EXISTENCE, or -- / Utahraptor: -- or a best friend who can tell interesting stories without making them science fiction author insertion epics? / T-Rex: Amazing! / T-Rex: You've somehow managed to say that like it's a bad thing!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1766
guest comic: john allison of badmachinery.com! T-Rex: How do I feel about matrimony? / T-Rex: I love weddings! It's someone else's party and I can cry if I want to! / God: I'M INTO THEM THEY WERE MY IDEA / T-Rex: But what about civil unions? And gay marriage? / Dromiceiomimus: I think as far as God's concerned, he's just pleased that people eventually stop making out in public all the time. / Dromiceiomimus: God's a big fan of decorum. That was his idea too, T-Rex. / Utahraptor: Weddings are full of ladies on the look out for a single blade. Ladies who have found the wine. / T-Rex: Utahraptor you are INCORRIGIBLE. / T-Rex: Weddings aren't just about tired cliches! They're always changing! They used to be for family, now they're more for your friends. / Utahraptor: Change! Like having cup-cakes instead of wedding cake? / Utahraptor: Is that a fad? / T-Rex: Yes. / T-Rex: The most delicious fad of all time.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1767
guest comic: david malki ! of wondermark.com! Narrator: MR. TUSKS HAS BEEN MADE MAYOR OF TINY TOWNE! / Mr. Tusks: As Vice Mayor, it is my privilege to assume office when the mayer is out of towne on municipal business! / Mr. Tusks: As she is TODAY / Mr. Tusks: I am a LITTLE excited! / Narrator: LONG-HELD POLITICAL ASPERATIONS COMICS / Comptroller Whiskers: Everything is ready for Mayor Tusks! / Mr. Tusks: Capital! Capital! / Mr. Tusks: Now listen up, Comptroller Whiskers! With my first taste of mayoral power I intend to enact many sweeping reforms. I trust you will support my radical agenda? / Mr. Tusks: The Mr. Tusks Administration will be known for its fairness but also its brutality. / Mr. Tusks: Our population consisting exclusively of pygmy wild animals is in danger of becoming unsustainable. Therefore I must impose a tax based inversely on weight. The heavier an animal, the less the tax. / Mr. Tusks: Since I, an elephant, am the heaviest on the island, I will be the standard of measurement at zero tax. / Mr. Tusks: Order the lions to begin rounding up all lightweight citizens. I want the tax to be confiscated directly from their bank accounts so they can't weasel out of their obligations. / Mr. Tusks: WHAT IS SO INTERESTING OVER THERE / Comptroller Whiskers: Col. Tusks (Ret.)! / Col. Tusks: What in tarnation is happening here? Get out! I have a lot of work to do today! / Col. Tusks: Mr. Tusks, in the absence of the mayor, the DEPUTY MAYOR is next in line. The Vice Mayor comes after THAT. / Mr. Tusks: I did not know that. / Mr. Tusks: W-will you be leaving towne any time soon? / Col. Tusks: No. / Morris the bug: oh gee gosh mr. tusks you must have felt super duper embarrassed i mean with all the confusion over the mayorship and what-all i mean i would just have no idea what to do or say in that incredibly politically awkward situation / Mr. Tusks: Morris, you are... / Mr. Tusks: You are much more disgusting up close
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1768
 
special comic by anthony clark of nedroid.com! i proposed with this comic, you guys Reginald: Beartato! Help!! / Reginald: I accidentally drank a love potion! / Reginald: I think it's starting to affect... / Reginald: ...me... / Beartato: Hm? / [[Beartato is surrounded by a pink hearted background]] / Beartato: Affect you how? / Reginald: Oh Jennipoos you are so lovely / Reginald: Let's get married / Beartato: "Jennipoos"? / Reginald: A lovely name for a lovely person! / Beartato Look, I don't care what you call me. But if we're going to do this, we're going to do this right. Put on a suit and ask me again. / JENN- / Will you marry me? / YES/NO / -RYANginald
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1769
guest comic: joel watson of hijinksensue.com! Pink sweater lady: Well we've only emailed up until now, but he seems really nice. I'm just heading out to meet him for dinner now. / Pink sweater lady: Holy crap! / T-Rex: She said she's going to be wearing a pink sweater. I'm supposed to meet her at the restaurant at 8:00! / Utahraptor: Where are you taking her? / (*crunch*) / T-Rex: The olive garden! / T-Rex: When you're there, you're family!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1770
guest comic: jeph jacques of questionablecontent.net! Utahraptor: The time for talking is OVER, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Agreed! / T-Rex: Now is the time for ACTION! / T-Rex: GRAAH! / Utahraptor: KYAAH! / Utahraptor: PAY BACK THE MONEY YOU OWE ME / T-Rex: WILL YOU MARRY ME / ... / Utahraptor: Seriously, I loaned you $500. This is, like, a $50 ring. What did you do with the rest- / T-Rex: I DO I DO I DO
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1771
guest comic: wes and tony of of amazingsuperpowers.com! T-Rex: YOU GUYS, PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION ARE THE WORST THING. IF I WANTED TO SEE PEOPLE PHYSICALLY EXPRESS THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER I WOULD WATCH LATE-NIGHT MOTEL CABLE. / T-Rex: PDAS! TOTAL GROSSOUT! / Utahraptor: BUT T-REX! PDAS CAN BE AN ESSENTIAL PART OF A RELATIONSHIP! PROOF TO THE WORLD THAT YOU LOVE ANOTHER PERSON! / T-Rex: PIPE DOWN, UTAHRAPTOR! YOU'RE RUINING THE COUPLE'S SPECIAL DAY. ANYWAY, YOU CAN NOW KISS THE BRIDE N' STUFF. / T-Rex: THIS IS MAKING ME BARF.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1772
guest comic: sam logan of samandfuzzy.com! T-Rex: All I really want is someone to hold me and tell me I'm beautiful. But it's so hard for me to meet new people! / T-Rex: Why must I be so alone? / T-Rex: Is there ANYONE on this Earth who can love me? / Dromiceiomimus: Actually, I... I've always wanted to tell you I-- / T-Rex: ANYONE?!? / Utahraptor: I love you, T-rex! / T-Rex: Platonic love is not the same thing, Utahraptor. / Utahraptor: But it's not platonic love! It's a burning, insatiable passion that I can no longer deny. / T-Rex: Really? / T-Rex: Let's make out!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1773
 
guest comic: zach weiner of smbc-comics.com! Narrator: Having conquered time and space, Ryan North returns from the void / Ryan North: I must now find love / Ryan North: Summon all females to castle North! / Narrator: The hopeful endured a battery of tests. / Narrator: The first was physical / Narrator: The second was mental. / Narrator: The third was psychical. / Ryan North: I'm undressing you- / Woman: How is that psyc- / Ryan North: With my mind. / Narrator: Finally, one woman remained... / Klug: My name is Klug. / Ryan North: We must duel... until one of us is dead... or both of us... are in love! / Narrator: The battle raged long into the night. / Narrator: Courtship and kung-fu became indistinguishable. / Narrator: Until finally... their eyes locked... / Narrator: For the first time in his infinite lifespan North felt a twinge of emotion. / Ryan North: You wanna get a coffee sometime or... / Klug: Sure! / Narrator: And so... / Ryan North: So... do you like comics? / Klug: Yeah, they're okay
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1774
guest comic: jeff rowland of overcompensating.com! T-Rex: Insects and animals mate because of instincts! We mate because of love! / T-Rex: Insects and animals, looks like you just got burned! / T-Rex: When lower life forms mate they do it because they're hard-wired to. We're totally superior because we do it for feelings and emotions! / Dromiceiomumis: Not necessarily T-Rex! / T-Rex: WHAT? / Utahraptor: Love and sexual pleasure are just nature's way of getting us to *want* to reproduce! / Utahraptor: It's not as though childbirth is a pleasant experience on the surface! / T-Rex: But... love! / Utahraptor: Do you love tacos? / T-Rex: of course! / Utahraptor: But do you want to reproduce with tacos? / T-Rex: If it means there'll be more tacos there's a lot I'm willing to do!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1775
guest comic: michael firman of firmanproductions.com! Ryan: What is up with newlyweds stomping on an empty wine glass after the ceremony? I mean, if you're out of wine... / Ryan: Stomp some GRAPES! / Ryan: No but seriously though, it has something to do with TRADITION. I think it is connected to the way harborfolk christen ships by smashing bottles of booze against them. In old times the bride and groom would smash wine bottles against each other to christen the marriage. Effin' badass! / Jenn: Why would you say something like that? And why now? / Ryan: Relax! I wasn't SUGGESTING that we do it ourselves. / Jenn: Stop stomping our wine glasses! / Ryan: Although I'll have you know they make easy-break wine bottles for movies and the damage they do to the body is basically minimal. / Ryan: Also not a suggestion. / Jenn: No! No more breaking shit, ok? / Ryan: Alright here is an ACTUAL SUGGESTION then: Would it kill you to just once say "Alright let's do that thing you just said"? / Ryan: And I realize the answer is probably 'yes' in the context of bottle combat.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1776
"I finally only woke up when I dreamt about a man who dared to call himself... Ryman? Ry... Ryland? Well, it's gone now. I'm sure it wasn't important." [[Thought bubbles]] / T-Rex: Holy crap! / T-Rex: THAT WAS. T-Rex: THE CRAZIEST. T-Rex: DREAM YOU GUYS. / T-Rex: There were hot dates AND weddings AND makeouts! And tiny elephants and tiny bugs and long before that some racooncephalopods and I think a talking bottle of vanilla extract was in there somewhere and the craziest thing was, everyone called me "T-Rex"! Isn't that crazy? / Dromiceiomimus: It is PRETTY CRAZY, Antonio Xavier Kavalier III! / T-Rex: It felt long too, like maybe I'd been dreaming for... SEVEN YEARS?? / Utahraptor: Seven years of dreams?! / T-Rex: It really felt that long, Doctor Professor Jim Junior! / Utahraptor: Then don't go back to sleep! You could easily have another dream that lasts that long - maybe even longer! / T-Rex: Man, that's crazy and I LOVE HAVING DREAMS. I'm going to have one right now!! / T-Rex: Besides, we all have stupid names here anyway
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1777
in my day, i confess, i have stepped on a bunch of stuff T-Rex: Yes indeed, I'm old enough that I get to decide where I want to live! / And that means I want to live RIGHT HERE. / T-Rex: It's where all my friends pal around. / Dromiceiomimus: Aww, that's very sweet T-Rex, but we'd hate to be the reason you don't go out and explore the world. / Don't treat us like an anchor. / T-Rex: I'm not! / I'm still going to travel if I want to. / But if here is good, why would I move somewhere else where I have to make all NEW friends? / I'm initially not the most likeable guy, Dromiceiomimus. / T-Rex: I - I step on stuff / Utahraptor: Man, but now you're an anchor for us! / T-Rex: How so? / Utahraptor: We can't move away, because WE'LL feel bad that you stayed because of us and now, we're leaving! / T-Rex: And I wouldn't be able to follow you because that would make ME seem needy and insecure. / T-Rex & Utahraptor {{simultaneously}}: This is a disaster! / T-Rex: Want to never talk about our relationship like this again? / Utahraptor: DONE
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1778
 
i wrote this comic in my head while driving and waiting in line on eglinton ave to get onto the allen. CAN YOU TELL?? Narrator: T-REX's DRIVING CLASS / T-Rex: That you all for your interest in my driving class. This class will cost you $100 but you'll make it up in reduced insurance rates. Also, you won't be a terrible driver. / T-Rex: So, there's that too! / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus here will be responsible for the basic rules of the road: when to go, when to stop, when to rush into an intersetion because your light's firggin' GREEN even though traffic's moving so slowly that there's no possible way you'll be out of the intersection before you block traffic. / Dromiceiomimus: You should never do that, class. / T-Rex: See? WRITE THAT DOWN. / T-Rex: Utahraptor will be responsible for teaching you waht to do in a merge lane! / Utahraptor: Indeed I will! / Utahraptor: And the lesson is simple: DON'T just speed down the lane so you can butt in at the front of the line. / T-Rex: If you do pull off that dick move, I am sorry, but I will end you. People will find your body and say "Dear lord! was he a dick at merging? Probably, huh?" / T-Rex: Finally, just as my driving instructor did before me, I'm going to end the course with a pitch for my multi-level marketing herbal weight-loss pill pyramid scheme. / T-Rex: Hark! The circle of incredibly sketchy driving instructors is complete!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1779
copper: truly the nobelist of the metals T-Rex: Copper is an excellent metal because it resists corrosion AND oxidation, and the patina it develops protects it against further decay! It's also excellent because you can build statues out of it. Statues, perhaps, of ... T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: ...ME? / Dromiceiomimus: That's actually not a bad idea, T-Rex! If you want something to last a long time in the environment, copper's a great material. Put it underwater and it'll last even longer. T-Rex: That's what I'm saying! A copper statue of me could last MILLIONS of years, even with nobody taking care of it! / T-Rex: Millions of years, Utahraptor! Utahraptor: That IS plenty of years! / T-Rex: That's enough time for OUR ENTIRE SPECIES to be wiped out, for a new sentient species to evolve, discover my statue, and marvel at this sexy man immortalized in metal. "Hey you guys", they'll say, "maybe he should be our new god!" Utahraptor: Unless they evolve different ideas of sexy. / T-Rex: MAN, even if they do, I can STILL see my sculpted copper 'cepts changing more than a few folks over to "statue-sexual"! Sculpture-philiacs? Bustarians? T-Rex: Anyway. T-Rex: I'M SURE they'll think of a word.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1780
it's almost 2015, we need to get on the new sweet slang STAT. scratch that, we need to download some zero-day hi-rez slang broadband T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, when was the last time we partied? A month ago? TWO MONTHS? / T-Rex: Clearly it is time for all men and ladeis to party... EXTREMELY hard?? / Dromiceiomimus: I'm down with this, T-Rex! It HAS been a while since our last party. / T-Rex: Excellent! Well then, come over around 8 pm tonight. It'll be SWEET LARGE, which is slang I just made up that means "a large amount of sweet", which is still slang actually I think. / Dromiceiomimus: Got it! / Utahraptor: Can I come to this party too, or is this one of those one-on-one private parties? T-Rex: What? / T-Rex: Those parties exist? / Utahraptor: T-Rex, you invited Dromiceiomimus to come party extremely hard and didn't mention anyone else going. I think you just set up a private party. I think you just set up a date. / T-Rex: Wha- T-Rex: Whoahhh / T-Rex: Utahraptor! I- T-Rex: I have just unlocked "wicked sweet large"
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1781
parties topped out 65 million years ago, sorry to break it to you but second place remains first loser. again, NO FEAR T-REX AND DROMICEIOMIMUS PARTIED EXTREMELY HARD LAST NIGHT. / T-rex: It was the best party ever in time!! / T-rex: ...Well, in my experience, anyway! / T-rex: Do you think it's possible that troughout ALL TIME there's been or will be a better party, Dromiceiomimus? / Dromiceiomimus: Well, it WAS a good party, but are we including all space as well as all time? We'd have to have partied harder than anyone, EVER, WHENEVER, troughout the entire universe at any point in any timeline. That's a tall order! / T-rex: To be fair, though, it WAS a good party. / Utahraptor: So if you did have the best party in time, then all other parties are worse from here on out! THANKS, T-REX. / T-rex: Dude! / T-rex: Don't blame me for having the best party, THANK me that you didn't experience it, because now you won't be disappointed with all future parties! This heavy burden must be borne by me and Dromiceiomimus alone. / T-rex: Okay. / T-rex: This may be a bad time to say this but it was a super great party, Utahraptor. / T-rex: Utahraptor! / T-rex: Why are you leaving in mid conversation; many cultures consider that RUDE?
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1782
replace "conversation" with "convention" and the comic still totally works, but it does raise some questions as to how you got yourself into that sticky wicket in the first place EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT STAR TREK / T-Rex: Three facts are all you need, and you'll be able to bluff your way through every conversation! / T-Rex: But you'll ESPECIALLY be able to bluff your way through Star Trek related conversations! / T-Rex: Okay, fact one: Geordi is an extremely competent but underrated character, fact two: the movies focus too heavily on attacks on Earth and not enough on exploration, and fact three: you can make up your favourite episode and it's been done. Just say "Ah yes, my favourite episode is the one where they" and then pick a premise. Get turned into children? Chop off a head and sent it back in time? Hung out with aliens who were actually NOT REALLY ALIENS?? / Utahraptor: Okay, so how many times on Star Trek have they gone back in time? T-Rex: Depends on what you mean! T-Rex: Are we including the movies - movies which, I MIGHT ADD, focus too heavily on attacks on Earth? Utahraptor: Sure. T-Rex: Well! I suppose THAT depends on whether or not we're including episodes featuring that competent Geordi fellow. / NEXT TIME ON DINOSAUR COMICS: HOW TO BLUFF YOUR WAY THROUGH EVERY STAR WARS RELATED CONVERSATION T-Rex: Um... George Lucas ruined everything? Unknown: OH MY GOD! Unknown: I KNOW
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1783
 

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