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parties topped out 65 million years ago, sorry to break it to you but second place remains first loser. again, NO FEAR T-REX AND DROMICEIOMIMUS PARTIED EXTREMELY HARD LAST NIGHT. / T-rex: It was the best party ever in time!! / T-rex: ...Well, in my experience, anyway! / T-rex: Do you think it's possible that troughout ALL TIME there's been or will be a better party, Dromiceiomimus? / Dromiceiomimus: Well, it WAS a good party, but are we including all space as well as all time? We'd have to have partied harder than anyone, EVER, WHENEVER, troughout the entire universe at any point in any timeline. That's a tall order! / T-rex: To be fair, though, it WAS a good party. / Utahraptor: So if you did have the best party in time, then all other parties are worse from here on out! THANKS, T-REX. / T-rex: Dude! / T-rex: Don't blame me for having the best party, THANK me that you didn't experience it, because now you won't be disappointed with all future parties! This heavy burden must be borne by me and Dromiceiomimus alone. / T-rex: Okay. / T-rex: This may be a bad time to say this but it was a super great party, Utahraptor. / T-rex: Utahraptor! / T-rex: Why are you leaving in mid conversation; many cultures consider that RUDE?
replace "conversation" with "convention" and the comic still totally works, but it does raise some questions as to how you got yourself into that sticky wicket in the first place EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT STAR TREK / T-Rex: Three facts are all you need, and you'll be able to bluff your way through every conversation! / T-Rex: But you'll ESPECIALLY be able to bluff your way through Star Trek related conversations! / T-Rex: Okay, fact one: Geordi is an extremely competent but underrated character, fact two: the movies focus too heavily on attacks on Earth and not enough on exploration, and fact three: you can make up your favourite episode and it's been done. Just say "Ah yes, my favourite episode is the one where they" and then pick a premise. Get turned into children? Chop off a head and sent it back in time? Hung out with aliens who were actually NOT REALLY ALIENS?? / Utahraptor: Okay, so how many times on Star Trek have they gone back in time? T-Rex: Depends on what you mean! T-Rex: Are we including the movies - movies which, I MIGHT ADD, focus too heavily on attacks on Earth? Utahraptor: Sure. T-Rex: Well! I suppose THAT depends on whether or not we're including episodes featuring that competent Geordi fellow. / NEXT TIME ON DINOSAUR COMICS: HOW TO BLUFF YOUR WAY THROUGH EVERY STAR WARS RELATED CONVERSATION T-Rex: Um... George Lucas ruined everything? Unknown: OH MY GOD! Unknown: I KNOW
if internal pluralization was a woman i would date her; i can't be the only one thinking this; i can't be the only one writing those words all over the ceiling T-Rex: Got FRIGGIN' COCKROACHES in your house? No problem! / T-Rex: They're tropical insects, cats and kittens! / T-Rex: Turn off the heat and wait for winter, and it's curtains for them! / Dromiceiomimus: But isn't it likely they'd just move next door where it's still warm, and then move back when it's heated again? / T-Rex: ...True. Okay, so you get your neighbours to live in the cold for a few weeks too! And by "neighbours" I mean "the entire city". / Utahraptor: But there'd still be cockroaches in other cities that could hitch a ride when someone moves! / T-Rex: Right. / T-Rex: Okay, so turn off all civilization for a few months; all the roaches die of COLD OVERDOSES. Except those in tropical climes, where there's no cold to kill them, and with international travel and shipping providing tons of ways for them to return. / T-Rex: ... / T-Rex: FINE, I GIVE UP / NARRATOR: EARLIER: / T-Rex: Kill all the cockroaches to win an iPhone 4? I don't see why not! / Outside voice (??): You actually win TWO of them. / T-Rex: TWO IPHONES 4??
t-rex has said "This just in" before, so I guess this comic establishes that either he forgot about that, or he was working as a newspaperman at the time. actually, let's say "both". T-Rex: God, is it ONLY reporters who get to say "This just in"? / God: LISTEN T-REX MOST FOLKS WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF A CHUMMY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD WITH BETTER QUESTIONS LIKE FOR EXAMPLE I DON'T KNOW / God: UM / God: WHERE'D I PUT MY KEYS / T-Rex: Dude! / T-Rex: My keys are right where I left them, in the key containarium 2000. People seriously pray for knowing where their keys are? / God: P- / God: PROBABLY / God: ANYWAY OTHER PEOPLE CAN SAY THIS JUST IN SO DON'T SWEAT IT / T-Rex: This just in, Utahraptor! / Utahraptor: Yes? / T-Rex: Um, this just in: I have a new rhetorical device at my disposal! / Utahraptor: Sounds... good? / T-Rex: Yes it does. This just in: yes it does INDEED. / T-Rex: Wait a second! God, earlier, were you implying that you don't listen to PRAYERS? / God: T-REX EARLIER WERE YOU IMPLYING THAT WE SHOULD ALL DEFINITELY FORGET I SAID ANYTHING / T-Rex: Um - / T-Rex: Implications are tricky so maybe
how to bluff your way through every dinosaur comic: JUST LAUGH, OKAY?? LIKE, A WHOLE LOT. also maybe buy a shirt if you find yourself topless at the moment Narrator: HOW TO BLUFF YOUR WAY THROUGH EVERY CONVERSATION ABOUT WHICH PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE IS BEST / T-Rex: Man. Okay. You have probably made some bad decisions lately if you find yourself in one of these conversations. / T-Rex: But it's not too late! / T-Rex: All you need to know about these conversations is that nobody is right and nobody is ever going to change their mind ever ever, okay? Here's all you need to say: "Ah, yes, that language is good for domain-specific solutions, but it doesn't adequately address the issue of multiple inheritance out of the box." / T-Rex: Just memorize that - phonetically, if necessary - and you'll be good. Observe! / Utahraptor: Ruby on Rails is the best programming language! / T-Rex: Ah, yes! / T-Rex: But that... thing you said, with rails? It's a language for solutions but, um, what addressing issues are there? Like, inheritance of boxes? / Utahraptor: ... That's - / Utahraptor: That's...! / Utahraptor: THAT'S...!! / Utahraptor: That's not even English; I'm out of here. / T-Rex: And THAT, cats and kittens, is how you win a conversation about programming languages. Now, I'm free to eat ice-cream sandwiches! / T-Rex: CAN YOU TRULY SAY THE SAME??
 
this comic inspired by my good friend joey comeau, who when he lived with me was mr "candy and red bull for breakfast, candy and red bull for lunch, all-you-can-eat buffet of tummyaches, regret and recriminations for dinner" God: T-REX SETTLE A BET / God: WHAT'S FOR DINNER / T-Rex: Chocolate's for dinner, my friend! MILK CHOCOLATE. Followed by an ap?ritif of dark chocolate! / T-Rex: Preceded by an appetizer of caramel-filled chocolate! / T-Rex: Predicated on a first course of peanut-butter filled chocolate, of course, which is followed by a palette cleanser of raspberry filling-filled chocolate: DANG. All this is following a mint chocolate intermezzo. And THEN, an amuse-bouche of candied almond chocolate! / T-Rex: WITH PUFFED RICE IN IT. / Utahraptor: And then some white chocolate? / T-Rex: And then some white chocolate! / T-Rex: And a second course of extra dark chocolate with caramel, with more challenging courses of mint chocolate with raspberry filling and organic chocolate with peanut-butter filling and mint slipstreamed in. / Utahraptor: For dessert? / T-Rex: Choco peanuts and gummy bears, with post dessert choco coffee beans! / T-Rex: Parallel to all this, AS USUAL, is 50% through 50% dark chocolate in strict 0.5% increments. So! Did we win the bet, God? / God: LISTEN T-REX / God: I DESIGNED YOU TO EAT MEAT SO UM / God: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
the sinister forces that control the world are actually just one super needy guy T-Rex: From now on, whenever I see someone checking their cell phone, I'll assume they're receiving instructions from the sinister shadow forces that control the world. / Narrator: SHORTLY: / T-Rex: Holy craps! / T-Rex: It's insane! I've only been doing this for a hour, but when I'm talking to someone and their phone goes off, and it's like - did they say something wrong? Did they just reveal something to me they shouldn't have? Then they put their phone away and make some innocuous excuse "Oh, my friends are going to be late" or something, which only FURTHERS my suspicions! / Utahraptor: Or, even worse, they say "Excuse me, I've got to take this" and leave the room! / T-Rex: Exactly! / T-Rex: I've entered a nightmare world from which there's no escape, Utahraptor. Everywhere people are receiving instructions! Some even use blue-tooth headsets so they can stay in constant contact while ALSO looking like dicks! / Utahraptor: You can't realign your perceptions back? / T-Rex: Um, that would kinda be ignoring the CONSPIRACY? / Narrator: LATER, T-REX DOES THE SAME TRICK WITH PEOPLE USING COMPUTERS THAT HE DID WITH PEOPLE USING CELL PHONES: / T-Rex: noooooo
If not that many guests show up, it MAY end up just being a fourgy. T-Rex: If you have sex with a bunch of people at once, that's an orgy! / T-Rex: And if you do it in a room with no beds, that's a floorgy! / T-Rex: And if it ends up being pretty boring, that's a snoregy. Or a boregy. Worst case: cure, it's an adoregy! If they're not, it's a choregy. And depending on where you have it, it could be an offshoregy, a grocery storegy or a Vietnam wargy. / T-Rex: If you go for too long, it COULD end up being a snoregy! / Utahraptor: Hey, T-Rex? / Utahraptor: How many girlfriends do you have right now? / T-Rex: Right now? Well... zero. / Utahraptor: Huh. / T-Rex: But dude, I'm TOTALLY PREPARED if I get one and she wants us to have casual group sex with multiple partners. / T-Rex: Linguistically speaking, I mean
third in the ongoing series, "r.m.s titanic's effect on our timeline" T-Rex: Remember how the Titanic sank, and one of the issues with that was not enough lifeboats? After that disaster they tried to prevent THAT from ever happening again! / T-Rex: So they made a law that ships had to carry a full set of lifeboats! / T-Rex: Except this wasn't a great solution on some ships: the SS Eastland in particular was already a pretty top-heavy ship, and the new lifeboats kinda made the problem critical. And on the 24th of July 1915, when the Eastland was docked and taking on passangers - all Western Electric employees on their way to a company picnic - she rolled over and sank! / Utahraptor: What happened? / T-Rex: A canoe race passed by the ship! / T-Rex: People crowded to one side to see it, and that was it. The boat rolled and sank in 20 feet of water, 20 feet from the wharf. The new lifeboats had made her impossibly top-heavy, unstable, AND unseaworthy! / Utahraptor: Wow. That's textbook irony, huh? / T-Rex: Yep! The moral of the story is, "sometimes no matter how much we prepare, boats will sink and that is terrible." / T-Rex: It's - / T-Rex: It's probably not the cheeriest moral I have ever encountered.
SPOILER ALERT: this comic starts with the words "HOW TO NETWORK" Narrator: HOW TO NETWORK / T-Rex: Haha, okay, man. You're at a party or a conference and you're obsessed with networking. And nobody wants to talk to you and you can't figure out why? / God: T-REX THIS IS NOT VERY HELPFUL / T-Rex: FINE, here's how to network! / T-Rex: Find people you don't know and say "Oh, hello there! I want to talk to you because you are a stranger, and I'm assuming you could be valuable for me! Hey! Interesting tidbit about myself: this is ACTUALLY how I build relationships." / Dromeceiomimus: T-Rex why don't you tell us what you really think about networking? / T-Rex: Um, I'm TRYING / Utahraptor: Maybe the worry folks have is that people will respond like you! / T-Rex: Fine! / T-Rex: Here's how to network with ME: build an extremely amazing friendship with me over several months, OR, and even MORE amazing SEXUAL relationship. Tada! We are now NETWORKED. / T-Rex: Also, we might be having sexy times. / T-Rex: I dunno / Narrator: THE END
 
let's all act like this is a deal even if you don't consent to it, okay? T-Rex: What happens tomorrow is based on what happens today. / T-Rex: Guys! / T-Rex:I can make tomorrow totally awesome! / T-Rex:I just have to be slightly less awesome today! / T-Rex: Awesomeness builds on itself. If I build a robot suit today, that's pretty awesome, but if tomorrow I change it so it can hold a sign that says "HEY GUYS LOOK WHAT I DID INSTEAD OF CHECKING MY EMAIL", that's even more awesome. / Dromeceiomimus: Okay, so be awesome today! Build that robot suit" / T-Rex: Well, I WOULD, except I TOTALLY DON'T KNOW HOW. / Utahraptor: So start learning about robot suits. Baby steps! / T-Rex: Again: totally would if I totally could! / T-Rex: But robot suits are years off; it's not like I can just download a technical manual. / Utahraptor: So work on solving some of the problems that are between us and fully functional robot suits! / T-Rex: That WOULD pay off in intense awesomeness down the road! Okay. I'll do it!! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex:Dear mathematicians, engineers, and neuro-silicon biolink dudes! Um, this stuff is way over my head. THE FUTURE WE ALL WANT IS WAITING FOR YOU TO KNOCK THIS ONE OUT OF THE PARK. Do it before I die, okay? / T-Rex: That's a deal, okay?
a very common duress phrase is "i'd rather be fishing": if you see it written on anyone's bumper it means they're driving somewhere against their will and also, THEY'D RATHER BE FISHING T-Rex: If I'm ever taken hostage and am forced to do things UNDER DURESS, I'm gonna need a new code phrase! The old one involving chicken husbandry was way too hard. / T-Rex: Okay. Chicken husbandry ITSELF was way too hard. Anyway. / T-Rex: I still TOTALLY need to let people know I'm acting against my will! / Dromiceiomimus: Well, if you're talking to us, you COULD casually mention that, incidentally and by-the-bye, you would very much hate being held hostage at the old abandoned slipper factory. / T-Rex: That's too transparent, Dromiceiomimus. / T-Rex: Man! / T-Rex: ESPECIALLY if that's where I'm being held!! / Utahraptor: So let's decide on a phrase you can use: something you'd never say normally! / T-Rex: And which ALSO sounds casual! / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: Okay, it's settled. "Five essential moisturizing oils" means "call the friggin' cops, please!" / Utahraptor: Got it. / T-Rex: Excellent! Man! Life just got interesting for us, Utah-raptor!! / Narrator: LATER STILL: T-REX DOESN'T ACTUALLY EVER GET KIDNAPPED / T-Rex: But I did go through life without ever saying "five essential moisturizing oils"! / T-Rex: Kinda have to count that as a win!
yes i got the idea for this comic while writing the news post yesterday, is that obvious T-Rex: Today is the day I write an amazing sequel to somebody else's book. Oh yes. We've all read Orwell's 1984, but are we ready for... T-Rex's 1985?! / T-Rex: I really hope we are because oh FRIG, it's heading towards us like an out-of-control train!! / T-rex: The year: 1985. The situation: it's January 1st, 1985, and it's a year after the events of 1984. At least, it's a year after the events at the very beginning of 1984. Big Brother is back, and this time, HE BROUGHT A FRIEND. / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, when you said "we've all read Orwell's 1984" you ACTUALLY meant "I personally have never read Orwell's 1984", right? / T-Rex: That may be a fact; it is impossible to say. / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: FINE, my new book is called 1884! / Utahraptor: A prequel? / T-Rex: Yep! It's the OLD WEST, and nothing bad has happened yet, at least nothing that didn't actually happen in 1884. My book's history, you see. Non-fiction. / Utahraptor: Ah. / T-Rex: But it's a prequel since 1984 was set in the real world! ALL history books a prequels to any non alternate history scifi! / T-Rex: I can't believe I throw out revelations like this and nobody acts like it's amazing. I JUST MADE ALL HISTORY BOOKS SCIENCE FICTION PREQUELS. / T-Rex: If this keeps up I'm just going to invent my OWN Nobel prize, I swear to god
i'm not fully clothed / and, i'm sorry, but that's the situation and we all have to deal with it T-Rex: Outside of the card is just the words, "I'M NOT GAY.", all caps, a nice bold sans-seirf on a stark white background. You open it up, and in smaller type it reads "but I'm gay for you"! And there's a little hearts! OH MY GOD! / T-Rex: ADORABLE / T-Rex: We're going to have a full line of cards, Dromiceiomimus! "I'm not straight / but I'm straight for you", and there's a little picture of a RULER. / Dromiceiomimus: That one should appeal to about one in then people! / T-Rex: IT'S ADORABLE. "I'm not sleepy / but I'll sleep with you."? And there's a little picture of a teddybear in a nightcap? Oh snap! WE JUST MAXED OUT CUTE. / Utahraptor: "I'm not here / but I'm here for you", with a picture of a telephone? / T-Rex: Awww! Long-distance cards! / T-Rex: Utahraptor, we have to get on this. We can become card barons and EVEN BETTER, we can make the CUTEST CARDS EVER for every life situation. "I'm not perfect / but I'm perfect for you"! "I'm not happy / but I'm happy for you"? / Utahraptor: Those seem creepy and emo respectively! What's that last one: a breakup card? / Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: "I'm not of age! / But I'm - / Unseen Speaker: T-REX / Unseen Speaker: STOP RIGHT THERE
luisa q is actually named "luisa ku", t-rex is the worst at transposing foreign names delivered orally, NOW YOU KNOW T-Rex: I've written terrifying horror stories, but I've never written a terrifying ROMANCE story! UNTIL NOW. *ahem* / T-Rex: "Antonio Tony and Louisa Q were two people in love! ROMANTIC love!" / T-Rex: "It was terrifying to each of them, but for different personal reasons." / T-Rex: "Despite that, they were about to have some sexy times when suddenly an unknowable sickly shambling horror of shifting alien geometry showed up. It was SO spooky! Antonio got pretty scared, I gotta say. Later on the shambling horror left and Antonio Tony and Louisa Q got sexy times again. Now it was SO erotic!" / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, do you memorize these or just make them up as you go along? / Dromiceiomimus: I am sincerely puzzled / T-Rex: Are you enjoying the EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER wildly veering between lust and horror, Utahraptor? / Utahraptor: No, not especially! / T-Rex: I - I meant in relation to my story. / Utahraptor: Oh. / Utahraptor: Oh!! / T-Rex: GEEZ, Utahraptor! Thanks to your personal confession, this moment just got AWKWARD!! / T-Rex: "Antonio Tony and Louisa Q agreed never to be awkward again. They turned to the camera and said 'MAYBE YOU CAN BE THE SAME WAY, UTAHRAPTOR??'" / T-Rex: "'If he were still here I bet he'd be agreeing with us' they said romantically, but also in horror!"
 
YOU ARE PROBABLY A CYBORG RIGHT NOW. are you aware?? T-Rex: The word "cybernetic" isn't JUST about abominable marriages of flesh and machine with glowing red eyes that hate all organic life, or as THEY call them, "organos". / T-Rex: At its core, it refers to a control system that adjusts itself to feedback! / T-Rex: Let's say I want my room to be at a comfortable, yet classy, 22 degrees celsius. If I design a system that repeatedly checks the temperature of the room and either turns on a heater or an air conditioner as needed, then OH SNAP. I'VE JUST BUILT A CYBERNETIC SYSTEM. / Dromiceiomimus: That sounds like the heating system of any modern building. / T-Rex: Exactly! We're surrounded by cybernetic systems!! / T-Rex: WE WORK INSIDE THEM. / Utahraptor: We live inside them! / T-Rex: So awesome! / T-Rex: And if we view an air-conditioned room not as an empty space but as one half of a cyborg, then when I enter it, MY BODY is the other half. We join, marrying machine and flesh, working together to ensure my optimal comfort! / Utahraptor: And when you leave, you disconnect from the machinery and become a regular dude! / T-Rex: YES. I'm basically amazing, Utahraptor. I'm a cyborg at the mall, at the office, AND IN THE COMFORTABLE, YET CLASSY, 22 DEGREES CELSIUS BEDROOM. / T-Rex: Bottom line! / T-Rex: I should be getting WAY MORE DATES.
hey, what do my hands look like right now? I CAN ONLY GUESS, NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE T-Rex: The word "cybernetic" isn't JUST about abominable marriages of flesh and machine with glowing red eyes that hate all organic life, or as THEY call them, "organos". / T-Rex: At its core, it refers to a control system that adjusts itself to feedback! / T-Rex: Let's say I want my room to be at a comfortable, yet classy, 22 degrees Celsius. If I design a system that repeatedly checks the temperature of the room and either turns on a heater or an air conditioner as needed, then OH SNAP. I'VE JUST BUILT A CYBERNETIC SYSTEM! / Dromiceiomimus: That sounds like the heating system of any modern building. / T-Rex: Exactly! We're surrounded by Cybernetic systems!! / T-Rex: WE WORK INSIDE THEM. / Utahraptor: We live inside them! / T-Rex: So awe-some! / T-Rex: And if we view an air-conditioned room as an empty space but as one half of a cyborg, then when I enter it, MY BODY is the other half. We join, marrying the machine and flesh, working together to ensure my optimal comfort! / Utahraptor: And when you leave, you disconnect from the cyber-netic machinery and become a regular dude! / T-Rex: YES. I'm basically amazing, Utahraptor. I'm a cyborg at the mall, at the office, and IN THE COMFORTABLE, YET CLASSY, 22 DEGREES CELSIUS BEDROOM! / T-Rex: Bottom line! / T-rex: I should be getting WAY MORE DATES
guest comic by Lore Sj?berg of badgods.com! Mammuthus Primigenius: There's a webcomic I enjoy, but one thing bothers me! / Mammuthus Primigenius: It lacks continuity! / Mammuthus Primigenius: The characters are all dinosaurs, but they talk about bat-man and make-outs! But sometimes they admit they're dinosaurs! / Sabre-tooth Tiger: Not everything has to have continuity, Mammuthus Primigenius. / Mammuthus Primigenius: Of course it does! Without it, you can't have fanfic! / Ground Sloth: And it doesn't bother you that these dinosaurs can talk? / Mammuthus Primigenius: Of course not! / Mammuthus Primigenius: It's clearly implied that it takes place in an alternate universe where dinosaurs can talk! / Ground Sloth: So just assume it takes place in a world where Batman, make-outs, and talking dinosaurs co-exist. / Mammuthus Primigenius: I... / Mammuthus Primigenius: I call it "Earth-Perfect."
guest comic by Anthony Clark of nedroid.com! [[Alt-art by Anthony Clark using a forest scene, sans house, car, and woman. Also T-Rex conspicuously absent until the last panel.]] / Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex? / Utahraptor: T-Rex, where are you? / Utahraptor: If you're pretending to be kidnapped again to get attention it's not working! / Utahraptor: Not workiiiing / [[T-Rex appearing from behind a tree where he is hiding.]] / T-Rex: <> It's working!
guest comic by KC Green of gunshowcomic.com! T-Rex: Wowza bowza! I got, like, half a vomit stuck in my throat. / Narrator: HALF A VOMIT COMICS / T-Rex: cough / T-Rex: hack / T-Rex: It's no good. Everything tastes bad and the rest could fly out any dang minute!! / Dromiceiomimus: Well please turn away from me if it does! / House: thank you / T-Rex: You're right. I'll just face this way to prevent any unwanted spew contact. / Lady: Ha ha no thank yooou! / Utahraptor: Hey Trex, check out my used band-aid / T-Rex: Oh gosh, why would you show me that right now, Utahraptor!! Oh gosh oh nnoooaghblfg / Utahraptor: Woah / T-Rex: If you vomit on your friend, then you know it's time to call it a day!
 
guest comic by David McGuire of gastrophobia.com! T-Rex: Oh man. You guys want to know what is seriously the WORST thing ever? / T-Rex; People who pronounce coupon as "CUE-PON" instead of "COOP-ON" / T-Rex: I mean, come on, people! Get with the program! Am I right? / Dromiceiomimus: And people who pronounce wash as "WARSH"? / T-Rex Oh my gosh, yes! Exactly! Get with the program, people! / Dromiceiomimus: There's no "R" in wash! / T-Rex: There is clearly a program here that people simply aren't getting with. / Utahraptor: T-REx, these are regional dialects. Aren't both pronunciations of coupon listed in the dictionary? Doesn't that make them equally valid? / Woman: OH NO! / T-Rex: Oh, come on, Utahraptor get with it. The program, that is. / Utahraptor: Well, alright then. I admint that I do find it a little weird when you pronounce "aunt" the same as "ant" / T-Rex: WHAAAT? How is that weird? When I do that it is so charming you don't even KNOW! You've been extra cocky ever since you got those sunglasses.
SECRETS OF THE ASTROPHYSICS PROFESSION T-Rex: I admit it: a few days ago, I was tripping substantial balls over the fact that light takes time to reach me from across the room. But I'm better now! I am NO LONGER tripping balls, substantial OR otherwise. / T-Rex: Because I've realized: it takes time for my eyes to react to light, too! / T-Rex: And it takes time for the electrical impulses of THAT reaction to travel to my brain, and it takes more time for my brain to react to THOSE. Basically, the idea of an externally consistent personal "now" is ridiculous and impossible, and I was a fool to try! / Dromiceiomimus: Especially since sound takes time to travel too! / T-Rex: Exactly! I'm now TOTALLY COOL with that. / Utahraptor: It's not just sound and light: gravity has a travel time too! / T-Rex: W- / T-Rex: What? / Utahraptor: Nothing travels faster than light, right? What little gravitational attraction there is between us is time-delayed too. / T-Rex: Okay, but wr're just talking a few nanoseconds! I'm not going to trip b- / Utahraptor: The sun's over 8 light minutes away, T-Rex. / Utahraptor: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but - the Earth doesn't go around the sun. The Earth goes around wherever the sun was 8 minutes ago. / T-Rex: UTAHRAPTOR / T-Rex: I'M / T-Rex: TRIPPING BALLS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD
honestly, really happy with panel three over here, if you'd been waiting five years to a callback to april 27th, 2005, THE WAIT IS OVER T-Rex: Oh boy, am I ever glad I read the news today! I certainly am happy with all the terrible things happening in the world today. Attention, everyone within the sound of my voice! I was attempting: / T-Rex: SARCASM / Dromiceiomimus: So what bad news did you read, T-Rex? Oil spills? Environmental collapse? Global warming? Ast- / T-Rex: Oh man! Oh crap!! Oh crap crap crap! I forgot about global warming AGAIN / Utahraptor: Man! Are you going to tell us what you read in the news or not? / T-Rex: Oh, just about octopods! / T-Rex: Just how they're massing in gangs a thousand strong in the Pacific, eating anything in their path, PULLING FISHERMAN OFF THEIR BOATS. Just that sort of thing!! / Utahraptor: Really? That's so sinister. / T-Rex: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS! / Narrator: LATER, AT HOME: / Octopods: TELL OUR PACIFIC ASSOCIATES WE SAY "HELLO", T-REX. / T-Rex: I - okay? Listen, how did you get into my k- / Octopods: AND ALSO THAT WE SAY "MESSAGE RECEIVED, PLAN OMEGA BLACK PHASE TWO COMMIT" "GO GO GO"
it occurs to me that if this is the first dinosaur comic you've ever read, t-rex just seems really prejudiced against raccoons. if that's the case and you're reading this: he has his reasons! it's not prejudice. it's JUDICE. T-Rex: Raccoons wash their food before they eat it, using their baleful, probing, nimble hands. We used to think they did this because they enjoyed being super adorable! / T-Rex: Hah, whoops! MY MISTAKE! / T-Rex: I didn't mean to say "adorable"; I meant to say "insanely creepy, washing their food while maintaining unbroken eye contact with you, licking their lips slowly over and over again, thinking only one phrase: 'I EAT DEATH'". / T-Rex: Anyway. / T-Rex: Then we thought they did it because they didn't have enough saliva and therefore liked their food pre-moistened! / T-Rex: But now we think it's because they have sensitive hands! / Utahraptor: Sensitive hands? / T-Rex: Yeah. Raccoons have these sensitive hands, and they're checking out what they're about to eat, and water helps make them more sensitive. / Utahraptor: Neat! / T-Rex: But the POINT is that if you give a raccoon a sugar cube, it'll wash it, and then the sugar will dissolve! HILARIOUS! / T-Rex: It is the only way I have left to revenge myself on them, and I don't think they're going to tolerate it for much longer. AND YET, I'M NOT STOPPING! / T-Rex: ...Tell them my story, Utahraptor
anyone who says they never tell a lie is lying to themselves at a preconscious level as their brain delays and misrepresents asynchronous inputs as a time-consistent stream. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT T-Rex: So in an effort to trip countably fewer balls, I have been researching how my brain works. / T-Rex: Turns out, my brain is totally awesome! / T-Rex: AND NOBODY IS SURPRISED. / T-Rex: But check it out, Dromiceiomimus: we hear sound mechanically (sound waves hitting a membrane) which, IT TURNS OUT, only takes a couple of milliseconds to be understood by the brain! But our retinas react to light through a longer chemical process AND their information is more complicated to process, so it can take upwards of 50 milliseconds before the brain has it in a usable form. / Dromiceiomimus: Neat! / T-Rex: Super neat! / Utahraptor: So we understand sound before we understand images, assuming they reach our senses at the same time! / T-Rex: Yep! / T-Rex: But they don't, obviously, and our brains are making SECRET ADJUSTMENTS to our VERY PERCEPTION OF REALITY to give us the illusion that sound and light match up most of the time! / Utahraptor: Now I'M the one tripping balls! / T-Rex: Dude! I totes tripped over all those balls earlier!! But the trippiest part with the most balls? / T-Rex: When something's about 10 meters away all the speeds match up perfectly, and it's the only time your brain gets a break from constantly LYING TO YOU ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE!! / T-Rex: Sorry for shouting there, Utahraptor! I uh - / T-Rex: I tripped a few stray balls
 
inspired by the time i confused MY WIFE'S NAME with that of someone else that i'm not actually married to. everyone needs to COOL DOWN. everyone needs to DECIDE THAT IS OKAY. T-Rex: It's time for another one of my TRULY EXCELLENT PARTIES. And you're invited Utahraptor! Don't worry, I'll say it for you: "I'm totally coming, T-Rex! This sounds awesome!" / T-Rex: "You're so amazing sometimes! ALL THE TIMES, actually!" / Dromiceiomimus: Um - thanks for the invitation, dude. But you totally just called me "Utahraptor." / T-Rex: What? / T-Rex: I DIDN'T. / Dromiceiomimus: Totally did! You said "And you're invited, Utahraptor!" / T-Rex: There's no way! / Utahraptor: Hah! Confusing your best male friend with your best female friend and FORMER LOVER?? / T-Rex: I'M NOT. / T-Rex: Look, MAYBE I said the wrong name. You're both my friends: is it so WRONG that I'd mix up your names? / Utahraptor: Dromiceiomimus thinks so. She's the tan one over there. You called her my name, then denied that was possible and ran over here. / Utahraptor: That's - That's pretty much where we are right now. / Utahraptor: Now you're perfectly still, perhaps thinking I can't see things unless they're moving, T-Rex? That's your name: T-Rex. We all took time to learn it, because we like you. / T-Rex [[thinking]]: Note to self! / T-Rex [[thinking]]: Friends: TOO MUCH WORK??
inspired by the time i confused MY WIFE'S NAME with that of someone else that i'm not actually married to. everyone needs to COOL DOWN. everyone needs to DECIDE THAT IS OKAY. T-Rex: It's time for another one of my TRULY EXCELLENT PARTIES. And you're invited Utahraptor! Don't worry, I'll say it for you: "I'm totally coming, T-Rex! This sounds awesome!" / T-Rex: "You're so amazing sometimes! ALL THE TIMES, actually!" / Dromiceiomimus: Um - thanks for the invitation, dude. But you totally just called me "Utahraptor." / T-Rex: What? / T-Rex: I DIDN'T. / Dromiceiomimus: Totally did! You said "And you're invited, Utahraptor!" / T-Rex: There's no way! / Utahraptor: Hah! Confusing your best male friend with your best female friend and FORMER LOVER?? / T-Rex: I'M NOT. / T-Rex: Look, MAYBE I said the wrong name. You're both my friends: is it so WRONG that I'd mix up your names? / Utahraptor: Dromiceiomimus thinks so. She's the tan one over there. You called her my name, then denied that was possible and ran over here. / Utahraptor: That's - That's pretty much where we are right now. / Utahraptor: Now you're perfectly still, perhaps thinking I can't see things unless they're moving, T-Rex? That's your name: T-Rex. We all took time to learn it, because we like you. / T-Rex [[thinking]]: Note to self! / T-Rex [[thinking]]: Friends: TOO MUCH WORK??
FUN FACT: i do some translating in the comics. t-rex originally said "i am a new tyrannosauroid, protomammals and juvenile protomammals!" T-Rex: Okay, I've memorized everyone's names and will never mess up again. / T-Rex: I am a new man, cats and kittens! / T-Rex: "Dromiceiomimus". Your name is "Dromiceiomimus". / Dromiceiomimus: Thanks, T-Rex! / T-Rex: No problem! Watch this: I'm going to nail Utaraptor's name too. / Utahraptor: You already did! / T-Rex: ANOTHER success for Team T-Rex! / Utahraptor: Yes! You certainly are recognizing objects, something most children do in their first few months. / T-Rex: Hey. Listen. If you keep up this negativity, I'm going to STOP my constant mantra of "Utahraptor is the orange one". I'll replace it, I swear. / Utahraptor: With wh- / Narrator: SOON: / T-Rex: "Just dance! Gonna be okay: da da doo-doo-mmm / Just dance! Spin that record babe: da da doo-doo-mmm" / T-Rex: No regrets, Lady Gaga!!
three friends to replace a single you is all I'LL need, utahraptor! Narrator: EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS / T-Rex: Relationships are when you put two people in a jar, and then, you shake the jar! / T-Rex: And relationships are complicated and stuff, but DON'T WORRY: you know how many folks there are on the planet? Almost SEVEN BILLION FOLKS. That's so many folks; if you screw up with one of 'em, you can always start fresh with someone new! I'll say it again because it's totally worth repeating: there are SO MANY FOLKS. / Utahraptor: Burn your bridges? / T-Rex: No, man! / T-Rex: Just say "Look, I think it's pretty clear SOMEONE messed up this relationship. But listen, whatever, there's literally BILLIONS of other people to talk to, so NO BIGGIE." / Utahraptor: I'm not sure this is good advice. / T-Rex: Don't be so negative! This is EXCELLENT ADVICE. / T-Rex: If you continue to be so negative, man, I can just find someone else to talk to! Billions of other potential friends, remember? / Utahraptor: Yeah, but how do you find them? / T-Rex: Hello? Dialing 555-0001 and then 0002 and then 0003? / T-Rex: And then talking about my INTERESTS??
i have done both these experiments to confirm that they are fun. the first is messy and the second involves electricity AND metels forged from the very stuff of the planet itself, so they both get a pass Narrator: FUN EXPERIMENTS TO DO AT HOME / T-Rex: Attention, youths of today! Did you know that there are several fun experiments you can do at home? / T-Rex: For example, add vinegar to baking soda! / T-Rex: The resulting mixture will make a lot of bubbles and it's pretty cool. I'm serious: it's pretty cool! You can add food colouring to make it look like cartoon lava too. Tight! / Dromiceiomimus: ...Normally at this point you'd talk about the science behind the experiment, T-Rex. / T-Rex: Hah! / T-Rex: PLEASE. / T-Rex: Another fun experiment is to wrap copper wire around an iron nail! / Utahraptor: And then attach the wire to a battery? / T-Rex: Yep! Do that and now your nail can pick up tiny metal paperclips, as if by MAGIC. Heck, it may actually BE magic, for all you know! Is it magic? Let's all decide that it is. / Utahraptor: T-Rex, you're my friend, but you're - / Utahraptor: you're ruining science / Narrator: THE END
kinda disappointed i called this series "dinosaur comics" and not "what the heck, everybody?". it - it'll pass though T-Rex: I like swimmin' and my friends like swimmin', AND YET, none of us have a pool. What the heck, everybody? / T-Rex: It's time for us to make friends with some pool-owning dudes!! / Dromiceiomimus: We both know I'm always down for swimming, T-Rex, but isn't that a bit - mercenary? / T-Rex: No man! We're not going to be terrible people who are friends with a guy just because he has a pool. We'll be awesome sexy WELL-ADJUSTED people who are friends with a guy because he's totes sweet, and the pool will be a bonus! It's "gravy" on "the side". / Utahraptor: So you don't think it's at all mercenary to seek out friends with splashy benefits. / T-Rex: Exactly! / T-Rex: If I'M being mercenary by wanting a friend with a pool, then sexy young people who have the express goal of seducing a rich older partner who will soon die and leave all the money to them are mercenary too. / Utahraptor: ... / T-Rex: Okay! / T-Rex: OBVIOUSLY we all know I need to work on my analogies
 

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