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Mallethead - The Cold Face Saga A Tale of Loss, Redemption, and the Quebec Nordiques / Mallethead: I CAN SMASH JUNK WITH MY FACE! / Mallethead: YES, SIR...
Mallethead - The Cold Face Saga Mallethead in Yam Fun! / Mallethead: I GREW THIS YAM!
Mallethead: The Cold Saga Mallethead in Eggs-zactly! / Ms. Mallethead: Mallethead, this Faberge egg is very delicate and expensive. / Ms. Mallethead: I want to keep it a long time. I'm going to leave now. / (sweating) / SMAK a-roonie! / Mallethead: I HAVE TO FLEE THE COUNTRY.
Mallethead: The Cold Saga Mallethead: Frozen Hammer! / Mallethead (thinking): Just play it cool, Mallet...nobody knows you broke the Faberge egg - you can hide out in Canada... / Mallethead: GOOD DAY. I'D LIKE TO ENTER YOUR COUNTRY OF CANADA, WHERE I AM ALSO FROM. / Orange Guard: OK, sir, let me simply raise the gate... / (gate):...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga Narration: Mallethead in: Mal-apropos! / [[Mallethead approaches a news/beer stand]] / Mallethead (thinking): I hope Canada has some job for a hammerhead like me... / Mallethead: G'DAY, MATE! I'D LIKE A PAPER! / News/beer stand operator: @#*!! tourist... / Mallethead (thinking): Classifieds...section...
 
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga [[The Quebec Nordiques are suiting up - the door to their locker room gets a big hole smashed in it. It's Mallethead.]] / <> / [[Mallethead, wearing a toque, speaks through the hole.]] / Mallethead: I HEARD A HOCKEY TEAM NEEDS AN ENFORCER... / Robbie Ftorek: I think you've got the job, friend! / [[Ftorek...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga [[Peter Statsny stitches up a patient's chest, as Mallethead, apparently assisting, and a woman look on]] / Woman: Thank you for performing the bypass, Peter Statsny. The gouvernment said the waiting list was 384 years. / Peter Statsny: Happy to, ma'am. Nouw, would you knouw where a team could find a...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga [[A hockey player in a purple uniform skates along through the snow pack. A sign in the background reads "Mooseigloonauk (3?) Visitor 18"]] / [[He skates up to Mallethead, who stands, without a hockey stick]] / [[He skates the opposite direction as Mallethead pursues him]] / [[Two players on the Nordiques...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga Mario Marois: You're a great defenceman, Malle, with a fierce face check. / Mallethead: THANKS, MARIO MAROIS. / Mario Marois: But we're the Nordiques, and we're about more than hockey. We're about caring. / Mallethead: UH-OH / [[They are now on the bus]] / Mario Marois: Frankly, the guys and I are worried...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga [[Two Winnipeg Jets and two Quebec Nordiques meet in the headlight glare of their two team buses - one of the Nordiques is Mallethead]] / Dale Hauerchuk: So, Mr. Ftorek. We meet again. / Robbie Ftorek: Mr. Hauerchuk. What do you want? / Dale Hauerchuk: THE SAME THING I ALWAYS WANT! STOP DATING MY SISTER!! / Robbie...
 
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga [[Melee of Nordiques and Jets in Kung Fu Death Hockey. In the foreground, a Nordiques delivers a skate kick to a Jets' face. In the background, Mallethead is face-smashing a Jet. Further in the background, two players are fighting high in the air]] / Inset Text: MEANWHILE... / [[BoxJam is watching TV]] / BoxJam:...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga [[Mallethead is engaged in stick-to-stick combat with Doug Smail - we get a closeup, then a closeup closeup - what's Mallethead doing with a stick?]] / Mallethead (thinking): JUST NEED ONE CLEAR OPENING FOR MY MALLET OF DEATH - BUT WILL I BE FALLING INTO MY SAME SMASH-A-HOLIC PATTERNS? / Mallethead...
Mallethead: Cold Face Saga Mallethead: HONEY! / Mallethead's wife: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A SMASH-A-HOLIC - I NEED YOU HOME! / Mallethead: I'M NOT ADDICTED TO FACE-SMASHING ANYMORE - I KNEED THAT LAST GUY IN THE GROIN! / Mallethead's wife: C'MERE YA BIG KNUCKLE-HEAD! / [[Mallethead and his wife are surrounded by Partridge Family...
Vegemellow Ad {{A Vegemellow(tm) ad}} / [[Toe-Jammer thrusts a sword home into Vegemellow(tm)-head's chest]] / Toe-Jammer: Ha! I've finally succeeded in killing Vegemellowhead(tm)! [[sic]] / Vegemellow(tm)-head: HOW...MUCH...*COUGH* HATRED...IS IN THE...*COUGH* WORLD... / [[Vegemellow(tm)-head on the ground; Toe-Jammer...
Vegemellow Ad {{A Vegemellow ad}} / [[Toe-Jammer chases Vegemellow(tm)-head]] / Toe-Jammer: Come back here, Vegemellow(tm)-head! / Vegemellow(tm)-head: OH NO! TOE-JAMMER IS AFTER ME AGAIN! / [[Toe-Jammer standing still, holding up flaming arrows.]] / Toe-Jammer: With these FLAMING ARROWS, I'm sure to enjoy Vegemellow(tm)-head...
 
Vegemellow Ad {{A Vegemellow(tm) ad}} / [[Toe-Jammer is ritually draining blood from his wrist by a penatagram, each point of which has a burning candle.]] / Toe-Jammer: By summoning a demon, I'll finallycatch Vegemellow(tm)-head, that I may devout him! / [[A demon appears; Toe-Jammer kneels before it.]] / Toe-Jammer:...
Vegemellow Ad [[Toe-Jammer knocks on the clubhouse door of "The Haters." Writing on the wall: "Keep Out"]] / Toe-Jammer: Disgruntled youths will be willing to help me catch Vegemellow(tm)-head! / <> / [[The door is answered by an angry youth]] / Toe-Jammer: Em...pardon me...I know somebody I'd like you...
Pilot My family likes plenty of attention. In Little BoxJam-ina, it comes out in crying and wanting to be held. In Little BoxJam, it comes out as him wanting me to do things that are painful. / Little BoxJam: Bup! Pay more attention to me! / Ms. BoxJam is more understanding. We plan to spend a lot of time...
Andy Griffith Message Board BoxJam: There's an Andy Griffith website I like to go to... / BoxJam: Somebody put a message about school shootings, & how she longed for the days of Mayberry again. / Computer Screen: New=Bad Old=Good! / BoxJam: I had to respond. I pointed out that Mayberry was fictional, and that plenty of evil was...
Card Game War BoxJam: Little BoxJam calls me "Bup." He named me that when he was a baby. Last week, I taught him the card game "War." / Little BoxJam: Bup! Wanna play Ward again? Huh? Can we play Ward? It's really fun! Let's play Ward! / BoxJam: He learns how to change games quickly so he never loses. / Little BoxJam:...
 
Rain Ms. BoxJam is a psychologist. She claims it just seems like it rains more on trash day. She's wrong. / Today, a duck couple moved into the (new) lake on the side of our house.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Lately work is just lots of the same problems over & over. / Nameless coworker: OK, the router is sending back the address of...but the...exe is...so we're...gpf...do you...you could... / BoxJam: I find myself tuning out a lot. / BoxJam: A LOT...
The Gil Thorp Bucketeers BoxJam: You know what's interesting about the Gil Thorp website (www.gilthorp.com)? Most of the regulars there just bash on Gil Thorp, endlessly. / Computer Screen: Why I dislike Gil #2,412 / BoxJam: I try to defend Gil, but it's like he's trapped in his site getting burned at the stake in a fire fueled...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Little BoxJam-ina is learning to wave and say 'hi.' It sounds like 'ha' so far. / Little BoxJam-ina: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! / BoxJam: But she likes to do it. / Little BoxJam-ina: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Home ownership is a real pain a lot of the time. / BoxJam: I think my favorite "What part of the house will water shoot out of next?" moment was when the sump pump in our two-and-a-half foot crawl space disconnected and created an underground fountain.
 
Toys BoxJam: We got Little BoxJam-ina one of those pop-o-matic on wheels things. She looked at us like "If you would just pick it up it wouldn't make that sound." / BoxJam: You never much think about bath toys during the day. Then, suddenly you're in the tub, and it's like, "Oooh, rubber lizard," or "Whoa....
BoxJam's Doodle Walter Johnson Tribute BoxJam: Walter Johnson, "The Big Train," "Barney," was one of the greateest pitchers of all time: 416 career wins. / BoxJam: A couple of years ago I visited his grave. It looked like nobody had visited it in a while. / Disembodied Voice: One of the 5 first inductees into the Hall of Fame 2.17 Lifetime...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: One of my favorite things is crosswords. Doing them, & constructing them. / Little BoxJam: Hey, Bup, is that a crossword? Can we do it together? I'm going to write 'pup' here, OK? Can I put some O's here? / BoxJam: Little BoxJam likes to help.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [guy with sideburns points at Mark Trail] / BoxJam: You know what would make an excellent "Mark Trail"? Some guy with sideburns says, "Hey, Trail, the works of 'Shakespeare' were written by the Earl of Oxford." / Mark Trail: What th'!? / [foreground bird, with small silhouette of Mark Trail punching sideburns...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Neighbor putting shovel in trunk]] / Neighbor: Well, I'm off to dig some holes near the reservoir. / BoxJam: My neighbor is kind of creepy.
 

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