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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Boxjam: I see... well, Merry Christmas, Mom. / Boxjam: Well, my Mom says we never had rooty-toot-toots in the house because my Dad struggled with lifelong rooty-toot-toot addiction... / Ms. Boxjam: Um... I don't know what to say... would you like to have rooty-toot-toots sometime to fulfill your childhood? Boxjam: You know, maybe not... but thank you... / 'Mina: What are rooty-toot-toots?
/ Ms. Boxjam: No idea... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20031225.html |
| The Grapes | The Grapes of Agony / The Grapes of Unbridled Fury / The Grapes of Honor / The Grapes of Wonder / The Grapes of Grudging Acquiescence http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20031226.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam as streetcorner evangelist standing on a streetcorner holding a sign that says "REPENT!", but people just keep passing him by.]] / [[Ms. BoxJam enters.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING THAT SIGN FOR YEARS, AND YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A SINGLE PERSON - WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING IT?
/ BoxJam: BECAUSE I WON'T LET THEM CHANGE ME... / [[Repentent person enters and watches Evengelist.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: BUT... ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHATYOU'RE ASKING THEM TO DO... CHANGE?
/ BoxJam: WELL SURE, BUT... I'M TRYING TO MAKE THEM BETTER! / Ms. BoxJam: By ASKING THEM TO DO SOMETHING YOU PRIDE YOURSELF ON NOT DOING?
/ BoxJam: WELL, GEE... I WOULDN'T PUT IT LIKE THAT...
/ Repentent Person: HEY, BUD... / Repentent Person: HOW DO I REPENT? / [[BoxJam walks away, head down.]]
/ BoxJam: BY AVOIDING CONTRADICTORY SITUATIONS... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20031229.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam comes up to Ms. BoxJam]]
/ BoxJam: You know that song that goes, "Bright copper kittens all tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things..."?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Very well... / BoxJam: How do they truss up such active animals?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Tranquilizers... / [[BoxJam walks off whistling]]
/ Ms. BoxJam (thinking): Sometimes it's just easier this way... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20031230.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam comes up to Ms. BoxJam and the kids]]
/ BoxJam: Hey everybody! I'm taking us out to Dave's!
/ Ms. BoxJam: You mean Dave's Italian Kitchen?
/ Little BoxJam: Whoo! / BoxJam: The same! Just like it says at DavesIK.com!
/ Ms. BoxJam: I love the vegetarian-friendly menu without the attitude!
/ Little BoxJam: Dave's means Bup really loves us! / [[BoxJam and the family in the car]]
/ 'Mina: Dave's has been an Evanston fixture for 30 years!
/ BoxJam: That's right sweatpea!
/ Ms. BoxJam: All this sucking up is so nauseating I'm losing my appetite!
/ Little BoxJam: But surely not for Dave's! / [[the family at the restaurant, BoxJam holding the door open for Ms. BoxJam]]
/ BoxJam: Besides, this free advertising may get us free food - if you
/ don't hork!
/ Ms. BoxJam: You're not helping... / Caption: Eat at Dave's so we can eat free! (unless we hork) http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20031231.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam has just descended dark stairs and passed through an entryway. What seems to be a rock with a shadowed back is nearby.]] / [[BoxJam seems to hide behind the rock on all fours.]] /
/ [[In actuality, he was creeping inside the "shadow" (really a passageway), which he is now standing on the other side of, only the lower part of his body visible.]]
/ BoxJam (thinking): Nobody ever checks this part of the cave. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040101.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Weird looking hole]] / [[BoxJam, kneeling, looks through weird looking hole]] / [[weird looking hole]] / BoxJam (thinking): I kind of like it in here... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040102.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are talking]]
/ BoxJam: So, God designed the universe to his spec, right?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Right... / BoxJam: Every physical property has his approval...every particle his blessing...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Yes...why? / BoxJam: Why do people expect him to violate his own rules all the time?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Why don't you ask him?
/ [[Ms. BoxJam points at God, who is sitting at a table making little green apples]] / god: can this
/ wait please? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040105.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are writing cards]]
/ BoxJam: You know the Myersons? Did she keep her maiden name?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Yeah... what about Cindy and Doug - did she keep hersr? / BoxJam: Only for professional situations, not a social invitation... don't Jim and Maggie spell their kid's name stupidly?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Yes, it's A-m-y-i-e... did Carrie and Pete do something completely affected with their last name? / BoxJam: Only if you think the lasst name
/ "Epstei-lisee" is affected... Millie- kept, changed, or hyphenated?
/ Ms. BoxJam: I don't know... / [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam look at each other, panicked]] / [[they get rrreeeaaally upset]]
/ BoxJam/Ms. BoxJam: We don't know and there's no socially
/ graceful way to find out!!!
/ Caption: Being liberal means never knowing what the hell
/ your friends' names are. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040106.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are in bed]]
/ BoxJam: You know how we tend to look down on ancient people because they had some wacko ideas about stuff? / Ms. BoxJam: You look down at everybody, but continue...
/ BoxJam: Well, in future generations, I don't want them to think I was a dumb guy who believed all the dumb stuff we currently believe... / Ms. BoxJam: You'll be dead...
/ BoxJam: Exactly! So I want my epitath to be: "Some of us suspected we were wrong about many things"... / Ms. BoxJam: Your headstone's going to say "Bup" - they're going to laugh at you anyway...
/ BoxJam: The future's a bunch of stupid idiots... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040107.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are walking during sunset]]
/ BoxJam: Is the boy having any more luck figuring out things with his teacher?
/ Ms. BoxJam: No, and I don't know what to tell him... / Ms. BoxJam: He turns things in on time, he's very conscientious about his work, but she just seems to have it in for him - I don't know what to do! / BoxJam: When I was his age, if I'd realized how little people our age know, I'd have listened even less... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040108.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam stands with an arm outstretched. On the arm is a sizeable black band.]] / [[A falcon swoops in, dropping a bag of trash just in the act of alighting on BoxJam's arm.]] / [[Wider angle. The bag of trash is at his feet, the falcon on his arm, and a trash can just behind him. Ms. BoxJam is watching.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: This couldn't possibly be saving you any labor...
/ BoxJam: Sometimes you just don't get it, dear... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040109.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam sits at his pipe organ, whose pipes are made of trash bags, and plays a haunting, depressing tune. At least he's wearing a top hat and tails.]] / {{The Phantom of the Garbage Can}} http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040112.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Mallethead are talking in the bar]]
/ Mallethead:...When Addison only found the horse and couldn't- / [[Boxjam's mobile phone rings and the ringtone is "Song of the Volga Boatmen... Song of the Volga Boatmen..."]] / Mallethead: Killer ringtone... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040113.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam is sitting at a "Peanuts"-style booth labelled "Tales of a Loser Husband, 5c, the suffering wife is IN" ]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040114.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam sitting with his head in his hands]] / [[Ms. BoxJam looks down at him]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: What are you thinking about?
/ BoxJam: Everything... / [[BoxJam sitting with his head in his hands]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040115.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Orange Guy are standing at the 'Wait Here' sign. Orange Guy has a HUGE balloon. BoxJam looks disgruntled]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040116.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam has a bag of trash on a string]] / [[Ms. BoxJam comes up to him]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Why do you have a bag of trash on --
/ BoxJam: It's a balloon. / Ms. BoxJam: OK, but you've got a bag--
/ BoxJam: It's a BALLOON. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040119.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[God in a big crazy sweater - next to him is an appliance with a small BoxJam in it]]
/ God: If you're like Me, you want to create beings in your likeness, but don't want to deal with the muss and fuss! / [[He conjures a small BoxJam just above his hands]]
/ God: That's why I invented the dust-to-dustisserie! Imbuing life couldn't be easier! Just mold your clay figure... / God: ...mount it in the dustisserie, SET IT and---
/ Audience: FORGET IT!
/ God: Amen! / [[BoxJam standing alone]]
/ BoxJam: *sigh* http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040120.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[The BoxJam family at a restaurant - Little BoxJam is working on a placemat puzzle.]]
/ Placemat: Kids! Solve Cap'n Crimpy's coded message!
/ Puzzle: C_EA____ __D_' __ACE_A__ __C__! _'_ _______ ___E__ _______...
/ BoxJam: Boring adult talk boring adult talk boring adult talk boring adult / Placemat: Kids! Solve Cap'n Crimpy's coded message!
/ Puzzle: C_EA_I_G KID_' _LACE_A__ __CK_! I'_ KILLI_G ___ELF ___IGH_...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Pointless blather pointless blather pointless blather / Placemat: Kids! Solve Cap'n Crimpy's coded message!
/ Puzzle: CREA_ING KIDS' PLACEMA__ S_CKS! I'M KILLING M__ELF _ONIGH_...
/ BoxJam: Unprocessable phonemes unprocessable phonemes unprocessabl / [[Little BoxJam is wide-eyed]]
/ Placemat: Kids! Solve Cap'n Crimpy's coded message!
/ Puzzle: CREA_ING KIDS' PLACEMA__ S_CKS! I'M KILLING M__ELF _ONIGH_...
/ Ms. BoxJam: He just loves puzzles, doesn't he?
/ BoxJam: That one's kept him quiet for a really long time... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040121.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is watching TV on the couch; Ms. BoxJam is standing behind him with a bag of trash]]
/ BoxJam: Well, this is brilliant. The weather guy now calls his
/ forecast a "futurecast"- combining "future," meaning
/ "future," with "forecast," meaning "prediction of the
/ future." Isn't that brilliant? / [[BoxJam keeps watching TV; Ms. BoxJam stands behind him with a bag of trash]] / Ms. BoxJam: Look, for 87 minutes in a row you've promised me that "next minute" you'd take this trash -
/ BoxJam: It's brilliant! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040122.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam talks to BoxJam, who is walking and carrying a tub full of beer bottles.]]
/ "Well, I see you're ready for the "Sunday-Between-Championships-And-Super-Bowl-Weekends-Let's-Watch-Weird-Foregin-Sports" party...
/ BoxJam: You bet! I want to give these babies time to get acclimated! / [[Ms. BoxJam tests the water of the tub, which BoxJam has now set down. BoxJam wipes his hands on his clothes.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Wait a minute... There's no ice in here! This water is perfectly tepid!
/ BoxJam: Of course! / [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam face one another.]]
/ BoxJam: I bought English beer! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040123.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{A lame takeoff of a semi-obscure painting called "The Triumph of Death"}} / [[A group of people on horseback, disgusted, come upon three BoxJams holding bags of trash.]]
/ Caption: "The Triumph of BoxJam" http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040126.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Young BoxJam hands in an assignment.]] / [[Young BoxJam gets it back with an 'F' on it.]] / [[Young BoxJam hands in an assignment.]] / [[Young BoxJam gets it back and looks at the grade.]] / [[Young BoxJam hands in an assignment.]] / [[Young BoxJam gets it back with an 'C' on it.]] / [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam in bed.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: There's no way your teacher gave you a "U" for that middle assignment - it's not even a grade!
/ BoxJam: She said it stood for "unsatisfactory." Anyway... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040127.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is walking.]] / [[He waits at the yellow "Wait Here" sign.]] / [[He looks left.]] / [[He looks right.]] / BoxJam (thinking): I wonder if I've been "left behind"... / {{I made this comic the day I realized that Jerry Jenkins (of the "Left Behind" series of fiction) had been relieved of his duties as writer of the "Gil Thorp" comic strip.}} http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040128.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: This is a great party!
/ Some guy: Yeah! / BoxJam: Isn't this a great party?
/ Some other guy: Great party... / Some other other guy: So whaddya think?
/ BoxJam: Great party... / [[BoxJam lying in bed with Ms. BoxJam]]
/ BoxJam: I sure used to go to great parties... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040129.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam begins telling a story, a cloud appears below him showing two boys lying in beds adjacent to one another.]]
/ BoxJam: "Probably the creepiest story I ever read was when I was a kid in the waiting room of my pediatrician's office... It was about these two boys in a hospital..." / [[One of the boys has his hand raised and a lightbulb above his head.]]
/ BoxJam: "One of the boys was real sick, so the other one told him how he'd heard if you slept with your hand raised, Jesus would come during the night and take you." / [[The boy who was told the story, has his hand raised with x's for eyes.]]
/ BoxJam: "In the morning the sicker kid was dead with his hand raised, and the payoff line was 'Jesus had understood.' At the time, I just registered it all as an uncomfortable warm buzzing feeling in my gut, but now I look back and it raises so many questions - Was it meant for terminal kids? Why was it in a book with 'normal' stories? Did terminal kids think Jesus abandoned them when it didn't work? Were adults just stupid then?" / [[The cloud ends, revealing a storytelling BoxJam next to his son lying in bed sick, with thermometer in mouth and tissues on bed."
/ Little BoxJam: You suck, Bup. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040209.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{I drew this in about 1987. For whatever reason, a friend of mine still had it in 2004 and sent it to me. It's a piece of paper with lots of badly drawn stuff}}
/ [[Chapter 10: More On the Breakup - Or, How to Get Dumped- not intended to be, but an inherently male view]]
/ [[Picture of Groening ripoff girl and boy rabbits]]
/ Girl Rabbit: Look, I like you as a friend... / [[How People Handle It]]
/ [[1. A large woman named 'Marla']]
/ Marla: Eating
/ [[2. 'Biff,' a guy with black eye, broken nose, and scar]]
/ Biff: Senseless violence
/ [[3. 'Blommo', a particulary poorly drawn guy standing funny with a magnifying glass]]
/ Blommo: Standing funny & burning ants with a magnifying glass
/ [[4. 'Marie,' pregnant]]
/ Marie: Meaningless Relationships
/ 5. [[A gravestone]]
/ Caption: Tom. (Tom?) / Strange margin writing: Cartoon of the apocalypse. Because somebody's always getting dumped. / [[A "letter"]]
/ Dear Bronky, I have thought it over, & I take back everything I said. I've been taking you for granted & I didn't realize how much I'd miss you. Please, will you take me back? I still love you - Carol
/ P.S. Just a joke - "the guys" / There are lots of words for getting dumped!
/ Later / Sayonara / Getting cheezed / "Zesty Orange" / Whompin' the Tuna / big splashdown / Takin' the fall / Oog City / Wangle This, Lover / [[One-eared Rabbit by phone]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040210.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks up to Ms. BoxJam looking angry]] / BoxJam: Why are you always saying I'm no good at anything?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Because you're a total loser... / BoxJam: That does follow... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040211.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A space-alien-y BoxJam chases an anthropomorphic Manwich past some other manwiches]]
/ Manwich: "To Serve Manwiches" - it's a cookbook! / Caption: The least surprising "Twilight Zone" ever... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20040315.html |
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