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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: uh...? / BoxJam: *sigh* http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001215.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ghost: Pssst... Hey buddy - are you Boxjam?
/ BoxJam: Uhhh... / Ghost: You can really help us out - a lot of this is tied to you... Have you made a lot of money? Have you changed the world? Do people look up to you? Do you receive respect wherever you go? / Ghost: Has anybody ever chosen you as a guy to base their life on? Oh... Here's a concrete one! Are you making a living at cartooning? / BoxJam: I... I'd have to say 'no' to all that stuff... Why?
/ Ghost: All those are signs of the end of the world... Hey everyone! Flip your pillows and settle in! It's still a ways off! / BoxJam: Should I be more humiliated, relieved, or just disturbed? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001218.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | VegeMellow
/ P.O. Box 3283
/ Marketing Division
/ New York, NY 10032 / 12/17/00
/ Boxjam B. Boxjam
/ ...Place
/ ..645 / Dear Mr. Boxjam:
/ It was brought to our attention that you "draw" a comic strip called "Boxjam's Doodle." We believe it has marketing potential, particularly the character "Mallethead," whose head resembles a Vegemellow-brand marshmallow food product.
/ We would be interested in pursuing an advertising campaign in which Mallethead is renamed Vegemellow-head, and in which BoxJam is a hapless villain, always pursuing Vegemellow-head, with the intent of devouring him. BoxJam would need to be renamed also, something like "JerkFace." We will, of course, leave some artistic license in your re-christening of the BoxJam character.
/ Please contact us at your earliest convenience. Vegemellow-brand marshmellow food product is the first all-vegetarian marshmallow substitute. It does not contain cow hooves, like real marshmallows do.
/ Cordially,
/ Spencer Talbot
/ Vice President of Marketing / mh http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001219.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Wow! A chance to hit it big with cartooning! My life's dream come true! Am I willing to rename Mallethead Vegemellow-head? / Ghost: Hit it big with cartooning?! Hey pal - remember What I said?! BoxJam as successful cartoonist = end of world! Is that what you want? / Ghost: Why do you hang around graveyards anyway? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001220.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Do you think the world might end if I work out a deal Vegemellow marshmallow substitute food product?
/ Ms. BoxJam: I doubt it. Things like signs for the end of the world are either unavoidable, or red herrings. / Ms. BoxJam: For instance: if the world is supposed to end, refusing this deal might make you be seen as an uncompromising artist, thus propelling you to success. On the other hand, if it's not supposed to end, your contract with Vegemellow would contain an ironic clause that if you're not vegetarian, you get nothing. Your actions affect nothing. / BoxJam: Even when it's all about me, I don't matter. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001221.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I'm gonna do it! Vegemellows are my ticket to success, even if it brings about the end of the world! / BOOM / BoxJam: I wondered if that was going to happen. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001222.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: But then my wife convinced me of a fatalistic vision of the universe, so I thought, "I'll do it!" So now I have to put together some Vegemellow ads - oh by the way, you're Vegemellow-head now! / BoxJam: Like this one - the guy in the blindfold about to be executed... is... you... Vegemellow... -head... / Mallethead: IT WAS A JOKE / BoxJam: What!?
/ Mallethead: VEGEMELLOW'S A JOKE - THE TYPIST'S INITIALS ARE 'MH' - THOUGHT YOU'D KNOW / Mallethead: MERRY CHRISTMAS / BoxJam: Hrrgglll... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001225.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: It... was... a... joke... Mallethead...
/ Ms. BoxJam: MALLETHEAD was Vegemellow!? He used you like that? The world was never in danger? I'll burn him a new one! / MEANWHILE...
/ Office Toadie: Mr. Harmon, BoxJam never responded... I had a feeling he was too big a name for us... Hey, see if that "Penny Arcade" thing is available... Or "Superosity"... / MEANWHILE...
/ (piped music): AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001226.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | (sign): NO OUTLET / (sign): NO OUTLET
/ BoxJam (thinking): Damn... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001227.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam (thinking): Man, I hate that Orange Guy! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001228.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | POOF! / Satan: Good evening. I have a proposition. I will make you rich, happy, and you'll live to be 100. / BoxJam: But then my soul is tortured forever and ever, right?
/ Satan: Well, yeah... / BoxJam: Um, I'm gonna have to say 'no.'
/ Satan: Really? Okie-doke. I can respect that. / BoxJam: That was much easier than I'd heard. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20001229.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: Kids - your dad's going to rob a bank so we can live on easy street!
/ Kids: Yay! / BoxJam: Here we are. Keep the motor running; when I get back we'll...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Wait - you're taking the kids! / BoxJam: WHAT!?
/ Ms. BoxJam: There's no way I'm going to sit in here listening to them whine while you get to go galavanting... / BoxJam: But honey, I'm robbing a bank!
/ Ms. BoxJam: I'm sure the kids would love to watch you. / BoxJam:I should've drawn the line at her going out to eat instead of waiting for us...
/ Little BoxJam: I havta go to the bathroom...
/ 'Mina: Yoi Yoi Yoi http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010101.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Finally! Just one more person, and I can rob the bank! / Bank robber ahead of BoxJam: Hi - I'd like to rob the bank...
/ Teller: I'll need to see a gun, a note, and two forms of i.d. / Bank robber ahead of BoxJam: Here you are...
/ Teller: Thank you - and I'll be right back with all our cash. / BoxJam: Hi - I'd like-
/ Teller: Sorry sir, we're closing early today. We're out of money. / BoxJam: HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO BRING HIS KIDS!! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010102.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | (sign): PED XING http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010103.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | St. Peter: All kidding aside, you've just died, and I'll either redeem your soul, or damn you to an eternity of hell fire. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010104.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Working Cartoonist Message Board!
/ Message: You don't have to be in the Union! You don't have to be living off your cartoning! Just be a serious cartoninst looking for ...work! Ask for i.d. / e-mail:
/ webmaster@workingcartoonist.com
/ Dear Webmaster: May I have a logon I.D. and password? My URL: www.boxjamsdoodle.com Thanks! / LATER...
/ e-mail: ...try to be as encompassing as possible, we also must maintain some standards of professionalism and quality. Good luck with your cartooning anyway! -workingcartoonist.com / BoxJam: I wonder how many people I force to re-evaluate their ideals every day... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010105.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALE EVER
/ BoxJam: A building with wings, huh? Have you ever thought about what it would be like if our house could fly? / / Little BoxJam: Pretty Dumb. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010108.html |
| THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALES EVER | THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALES EVER
/ Little BoxJam: Our parents said this weird old piece of furniture is off-limits- -we should never open it. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010109.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALES EVER
/ William Tell: I'll bet I can shoot an apple off his head!
/ BoxJam: What are you freaking nuts!? Getcher freaky apple-fetishist butt away from me and my kid! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010110.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALES EVER
/ Troll: Want to use my bridge, eh? Answer my riddle, and you may pass; else I'll have you in my stew! / *laser*
/ Footnote: By the way, the plat for this park on file at the courthouse dedicates all roads and paths to public use and the common good... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010111.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Our trail of bread crumbs is being eaten by birds... / THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALES EVER, FINAL CHAPTER / It's a good thing we can still see the house! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010112.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Where do artistic endeavors go when they die?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Art is everlasting. / BoxJam: Well, that's pat, but get real.
/ Ms. BoxJam: Well, then it goes off into obscurity, of course... / BoxJam: How will it feel to arrive in obscurity, and even there no one knows who you are... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010115.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam waiting at the 'Wait Here' sign]] / [[Orange Guy approaches with a folding chair.]] / [[Orange Guy opens the chair.]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010116.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: If you were to ask me to change one thing, what would it be?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Oh, I don't know... Maybe your self-hatred... / BoxJam: Really.
/ Ms. BoxJam: Yeah. Or, maybe your slovenliness. Or your tendency to procrastinate. / BoxJam: Huh.
/ Ms. BoxJam: No - I know! Your knack for setting up conflicts you then systematically avoid! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010117.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: Kiss me. / Ms. BoxJam: Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like a war. Kiss me like the instant a tiger reaches its prey. Kiss me like imminent death. / Ms. BoxJam: I want a kiss of the world drowning and burning at the same time. / BoxJam (thinking): You're about to tell me something that'll make me really mad, aren't you?
/ Ms. BoxJam (thinking): Yes. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010118.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam]]
/ BoxJam: Beer me. / BoxJam: Beer me like a fist fight. Beer me like a bad calzone. Beer me like a thrift store guitar. / BoxJam: Beer me like a beautiful scar, like a painful victory, like the persistent elegance of a hideous truth. / BoxJam: I like beer. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010119.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: Ooh... Here's a fun quiz... What would your best friend say he most DISlikes about you? A)You-
/ BoxJam: I don't have a best friend. / Ms. BoxJam: Huh? Mallethead!
/ BoxJam: Mallethead is MY best friend. I'm not MALLETHEAD'S best friend. There's a difference. / Ms. BoxJam: For the purposes of the quiz...
/ BoxJam: The context makes it clear they're talking about who would call you THEIR best friend. Nobody would. I'm just not the kind people think about. / BoxJam: Tell your Cosmo to go humiliate somebody else.
/ Ms. BoxJam: It's not Cosmo. It's a psychology journal. "How to tell if you have an esteem problem." http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010122.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam inspects an empty trash can]] / [[Ms. BoxJam walks to the garbage can and lifts the lid]] / [[She carries a bag of garbage back to the trash can]] / [[BoxJam catches her]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010123.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics - I'm watching you... | [[BoxJam is standing next to a trash can, staring at it]] / [[BoxJam is standing next to a trash can, staring at it]] / [[BoxJam is standing next to a trash can, staring at it]] / [[BoxJam is standing next to a trash can, staring at it]] / [[BoxJam is standing next to a trash can, staring at it]] / [[BoxJam is standing next to a trash can, breaking the fourth wall]]
/ BoxJam: If I keep watching it, it can't fill up! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010124.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A butterfly with a Ms. BoxJam head hovers above a flower]] / [[She lands on the flower]] / [[The flower snaps shut like a Venus flytrap]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20010125.html |
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