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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I'm in big trouble back home... / BoxJam: The Ms. asked me how hard it was being married to a "high maintenance chick..." / [[Mallethead listens.]] / BoxJam: It took me about two seconds too long to realize the right answer was "You're not high maintenance!" / [[Pause.]] / BoxJam: I'm in big trouble back home... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011008.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Orange guy wait at the 'Wait Here' sign. A large spider web ends at the Orange Guy's foot.]] / [[A bit of spider leg is visible in the corner of the frame.]] / [[A giant spider, on the web, grabs the Orange Guy, who flails.]] / [[The spider hauls the Orange guy up.]] / BoxJam (thinking): Oooh...I'm so special...I got carried off by a giant spider! Jerk. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011009.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam watching TV]]
/ TV: "...and do you, J-Lo, J-take Cris as your lawfully wedded J-husband, to J-have and J-hold, so long as you both J-live? / BoxJam: It was nice of Jennifer to send all her guests a copy of the wedding video! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011010.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam holds up a sign with Arabic writing on it]]
/ BoxJam: Honey - look at this abstract art I got which does not contain a hidden message!
/ Ms. BoxJam: You're not fooling anybody - what's your message to the terrorists? / BoxJam: "I'd like carrots," I think. The phrasebook didn't have anything better.
/ Ms. BoxJam: Ah. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011011.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam in a crowd at a party]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Every time I hear "Taliban" I get that "Come Mistah Tallyman Tally Me Banana" song stuck in my head...
/ Goateed guy: Ha ha ha
/ Some woman: Oh, how funny! Me too!
/ Guy with earring: Yeah me too! / BoxJam: Ever time I hear "Al Qaeda" I think of "Sausalito Disco" - you know - "Al Qaeda Disco! Al Qaeda!" / [[Everyone stares at BoxJam]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011012.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam lying in bed. Ms. BoxJam is asleep]]
/ BoxJam: OK, so you've stayed up until after two on this stupid work project, and now you can't sleep... / BoxJam: Just try to relax...don't start thinking about the hugeness of time and the shortness of life and if you're spending it well and just DON'T THINK ABOUT DEATH... / [[BoxJam looks defeated]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011015.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam comes up to Little BoxJam who is sitting beside his skateboard looking angry]]
/ Little BoxJam: AUGHH! I still can't land a 520! I can't do anything right!
/ BoxJam: Son, let me tell you a story... / [[A small BoxJam standing beside an older kid wearing a sash and sunglasses]]
/ BoxJam: "When I was a boy, being on the safety patrol was about the coolest thing you could be. You got to wear a bright orange belt slung devil-may-care-fashion over your shoulder." / [[a slightly larger BoxJam standing beside another safety patrol kid]]
/ BoxJam: It was your responsibility to hand out demerits if somebody created disorder --three demerits and you reported them! It was a job held with honor and dedication..." / [[a much taller BoxJam standing next to another safety patrol kid]]
/ BoxJam: Only sixth-graders could be safety patrols. When I was in fifth grade, I wondered if I'd be chosen. I wasn't a perfect kid, my
/ grades were alright, but I was the only kid going into sixth grade in my neighborhood..." / [[an older BoxJam standing next to an vanishing sash]]
/ BoxJam: When I got to sixth grade, they decided they'd rather
/ not have patrols in my neighborhood than ask me to be one." / Little BoxJam: What does that have to do with me landing a 520?
/ BoxJam: What's a "520"? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011016.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is walking past a sign that says "Caution: Losers"]] / [[BoxJam double takes]] / [[BoxJam looks pissed]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011017.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam comes up to BoxJam]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Honey, I'm exhausted- could you make dinner?
/ BoxJam: OK, we've got stuff for manwiches, right? I'll make manwiches. / [[Ms. BoxJam looks down]] / [[Ms. BoxJam looks away]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: *snicker* / BoxJam: what? I'm making manwiches! I make manwich sauce, and I spread it on buns!
/ Ms. BoxJam: *chmrr* hee hee hee http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011018.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[the BoxJam family together]]
/ ms boxjam: you ready to go to the Sweetest Day Parade?
/ BoxJam: Oh, sure! Ha ha ha ha / [[The BoxJam family are sitting on the side of the road as a Hallmark float goes by. All the "Sweetest Day" words are just pasted over the names of other holidays]]
/ BoxJam: *sigh* / {{The float is supposed to look like Argus, from Brad Guigar's previous strip Greystone Inn}} http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011019.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is sitting in a chair in front of a desk Ms. BoxJam is sitting behind]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Thank you for coming. I've got your annual performance review ready. / Ms. BoxJam: Your attention to handyman matters is down. You give the kids lots of attention, but it's not edifying. / Ms. BoxJam: You've been derelict in your duties as a husband; fortunately, your role as "protector" went untested. You don't inspire confidence, however. / Ms. BoxJam: In money matters you're so inept that I've had to
/ take over watching the bottom line for both of us. In short, Mr. BoxJam, shape up, or you'll be replaced. You're on probation. Please sign both the white and yellow copies. / [[BoxJam standing alone with his review paper]]
/ BoxJam: I wonder if it's really necessary to have a white copy and a yellow copy... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011022.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[a scan of Little BoxJam's hand and Little BoxJam's head in the background]] / [[a scan of half a sandwich with a bite in it and Little BoxJam's head in the background]] / [[a scan of two crayons and Little BoxJam being told off by BoxJam in the background]] / [[BoxJam is looking at the pile of scans]]
/ BoxJam: No wonder my scans always look so smudgey... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011023.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are in chairs reading]] / [[Ms. BoxJam holds her hand out and looks at her fingernails]] / [[she keeps looking as BoxJam reads]] / Ms. BoxJam: you know, MY fingernails kind of shine like justice... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011024.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is reading]]
/ BoxJam (reading): "Congratulations on your purchase of a First Quality(TM) leaf blower. If cared for properly, your new blower will provide many years of dependable service." / BoxJam (reading): Your leaf blower has come in component pieces for optimal packing, but anyone with a screwdriver and half a brain can assemble it perfectly in no time." / [[BoxJam stands with his book]] / [[BoxJam looks at a very badly put together leaf blower]]
/ BoxJam: I so suck... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011025.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Someone was talking about being "unAmerican" today... Is there any other nationality you can be where you have to act like it, or you get called on it?
/ Ms. BoxJam: What, you mean like doing something that's "un-Japanese" or "un-Canadian"? / BoxJam: "Un-Canadian"-*chortle*-yeah-exactly-I guess it's because BEING American isn't a race, or a single culture, or eating poutine-
/ Ms. BoxJam: You know, that's interesting-you can't define "American" EXCEPT by artificial adherence to a set of beliefs... it's not like we all wear tuques... *heh heh*... "un-Canadian"! Ha ha ha! / BoxJam: Ha ha ha ha ha ha
/ Ms. BoxJam: Hee hee hee / Inset: Two months later...
/ [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam in a movie theater (Butch Mann cameo)]]
/ BoxJam: Hey Honey-"un-Canadian!"
/ Ms. BoxJam: *SKRNXX* Stop it! *Mm mh hm* http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011026.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and ms BoxJam are standing together when Little BoxJam walks past]]
/ Little BoxJam: I'm starting a comic strip, I've decided... / ms BoxJam: You're his hero...
/ BoxJam: Oh, dear God, no... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011029.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are eating dinner by candlelight]]
/ BoxJam: On some level, the sheriff and his men had to realize they were killing some "live" people accidentally in addition to zombies... / BoxJam: I mean, besides the clue in the news broadcast, they're confronted with many "dead" zombies in the house, with the guy they just killed with a gun next to him... / BoxJam: Probably, like in real-world parallels, they rationalized and/or supressed the realization, and none brought it up. / BoxJam: You're looking at me like I'm crazy to take a horror movie so seriously...
/ Ms. BoxJam: I'm looking at you like the waitstaff is laughing at you for pronouncing "ragout" as "rag" "out"... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011030.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam dressed like Charlie Brown, BoxJamina dressed like a cat, and Little BoxJam dressed like Mario come home to Ms. BoxJam]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: How'd you guys do? / Little BoxJam: OK, I guess... this one weird house gave out maps instead of candy... / BoxJamina: I got Canada!
/ Little BoxJam: I got Italy... / [[the family looks at BoxJam]]
/ BoxJam: I got Iraq... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011031.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is on the phone]]
/ BoxJam: Keep going...uh-huh... / BoxJam: No, really, go on. It's fine. I was bored out of my skull before you called... / BoxJam: Are you sure? Really? OK, if you HAVE to go... / [[He walks past Ms. BoxJam]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Telemarketer?
/ BoxJam: Yep. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011101.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I'm dead! So this last time nobody was paying any attention to me, it REALLY WAS because they couldn't see or hear me!
/ God: Welcome, BoxJam / BoxJam: God! Wow! Um, you know, thanks for my life. It's a nice place you've created.
/ God: YOU'RE WELCOME. / BoxJam: So... which version of you was the right one?
/ God: NONE OF THEM. / BoxJam: NONE of them?
/ God: HONESTLY, DO I SEEM THAT INVESTED IN PEOPLE UNDERSTANDING WHO I AM? / BoxJam: Even all the rock musicals about you?
/ God: WELL, THOSE WERE NICE. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011105.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam having a conversation with God]]
/ BoxJam: I can't believe nobody ever got God right...
/ God: How could they? I never gave anybody any clues about me! Of course, I don't appreciate being imagined as a big syntax-head who'd damn you for using a word wrong or praying the wrong way... / BoxJam: Yeah, but if you don't give us any personal visits, what do you expect?
/ God: I was being facetious. Did you ever think about looking inside yourself for me? Why did you believe a book more than your heart? / [[pause]] / BoxJam: I don't suppose "some guy named Jim told me to" is gonna cut it?
/ God: If Jim told you I was explained in a crudely drawn comic strip, would you believe THAT? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011106.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam converses with God]]
/ BoxJam: Well, at least the stuff about monotheism was right...and us being created in Your image...
/ God: Believe me when I tell you that the question of whether I am one or many doesn't even make sense...and I made myself look like this only so you'd know who I was... / God: I'm neither male nor female...neither old nor young...I have no name and am named...I have another name you couldn't pronounce... / [[They are leaning on a Peanuts-esque brick wall]]
/ BoxJam: That last part is like Spock!
/ God: Kind of like Spock, yes... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011107.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam shootin' the breeze with God]]
/ God: Do you ever wonder about those who try to keep their religion alive by requiring its member to bring children into the fold? / God: Not just encouraging your children, but requiring it? When the religion's survival feels threatened, rather than go to the masses with their compelling spiritual message, they make it the followers' responsibility to breed more members? / BoxJam: Sure, I've wondered about it...why?
/ God: Nothin'...it's just weird, is all... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011108.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam hangin' with God]]
/ BoxJam: Well, I'm sure You're busy...where do I go now?
/ God: Oh, right...you're newly dead...what should happen to you? / BoxJam: You just ASK people what they want?! Don't You get a lot of cheaters that way?
/ God: Cheaters? What are the rules? Truly heaven is what you make it... / BoxJam: What about the people who say they should be in heaven, and nobody else?
/ God: They get it! A separate heaven...and they're stuck with each other. / BoxJam: Hell is what you make it too, eh?
/ God: "And then, he was truly enlightened." http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011109.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam's smoke detector is going off]]
/ Smoke detector: < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011112.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[wooden sign on a stake]]: NO GIANT BIRDS / [[wooden sign on a stake]]: NO GIANT BIRDS / [[wooden sign on a stake]]: NO GIANT BIRDS
/ [[giant bird flies overhead clutching something]] / [[wooden sign on a stake]]: NO GIANT BIRDS
/ [[bird flies off into the distance]] / [[wooden sign on a stake]]: NO GIANT BIRDS
/ [[BoxJam enters, looking angry. He carries another wooden sign of the same type; he is holding it so that the reader cannot see what it says.]] / [[wooden sign on a stake]]: NO GIANT BIRDS
/ [[new wooden sign on a stake, to the right of the original sign]]: ESPECIALLY MYTHOLOGICAL CHILD-STEALING ROCS http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011113.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam are upside-down, standing on the ceiling. Ms. BoxJam looks angry.]] / [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam are still upside-down, standing on the ceiling. Ms. BoxJam looks angry.]] / [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam are still upside-down, standing on the ceiling. Ms. BoxJam looks angry.]] / [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam are still upside-down, standing on the ceiling. Ms. BoxJam looks angry.]]
/ BoxJam: I can explain . . .
/ Ms. BoxJam: Don't bother. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011114.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I've decided to process the world as though I were an "Unscientific Poll" on a news site!
/ {{as a poll:
/ Does Osama have nukes?
/ o Yes
/ o No}}
/ Ms. BoxJam: How would I know? I'll say
/ {{as a poll selection:
/ o No}} / BoxJam: {{as poll results:
/ Yes, I'm already taking cyanide
/ 14% [[short yellow bar]]
/ No, he's a peace lover
/ 86% [[longer red bar]]}}
/ Ms. BoxJam: Hey! That's not what I said! I just said 'No.' / BoxJam: It's what you meant! The polls tell you what your label means! Thus we learn! It's why they have the polls, right?
/ Ms. BoxJam: No; the truth is independent of what some vote of random guesses says . . . / BoxJam: {{As a poll: Yes, polling the public is the best way to determine things like whether a fanatic in a cave has nuclear capability, or why the Supreme Court ruled a certain way, or if Robert Downey Jr. has finally beat his addiction
/ 73% [[long yellow bar]]
/ No, I'm part of the problem.
/ 27% [[short red bar]]}}
/ Ms. BoxJam: You wonder why I need "crying time" each day . . . http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011115.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is in a store with a red "SALE" sign. He is holding a chef's hat and approaches a sales associate standing near a display of boxes marked "STUF" and a pyramid of yellow balls.]] / BoxJam: Excuse me, Mr. Sales Associate -- I'd like to ask a --
/ [[The sales associate is alarmed.]] / BoxJam: See, about this hat, I just want to know ... uh ...
/ [[The sales associate turns and walks away]] / [[BoxJam is left standing alone by the display. He is angry and has the angry squiggle over his head.]] / [[Boxjam is running after the now out-of-frame sales associate, still angry and clutching the chef's hat.]]
/ BoxJam: I HAVE A QUESTION! / [[BoxJam chases the angry sales associate past a red sign that says "50%" and a green sign that says "BARGAINS."] / [[BoxJam chases the sales associate up the stairs to a loading dock, where an employee on break stands smoking a cigarette next to a pulley and a window.]] / [[The sales associate grabs the cigarette-smoking employee and holds a knife to his throat. BoxJam is horrified, as is the smoking employee.]] / [[Back inside the store, BoxJam finds Ms. BoxJam holding a powder blue muu-muu and standing next to a display of pink boxes and brown boxes. He is still clutching the chef's hat, but he looks at the floor, defeated.]]
/ BoxJam: I, uh, couldn't find anybody ...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Why are men so incompetent in stores!? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011116.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Little BoxJam is on the floor, building with Legos, as BoxJam watches. BoxJam is next to a box of Legos.]]
/ Little BoxJam: Hmm...could you see if there are any eights left?
/ BoxJam: Sure, there's a bunch... / Little BoxJam: No, not an "eight" - an eight! Like this!
/ BoxJam: Oh, like 1x8, not 2x4...got it. / Little BoxJam: Now could I get a "four"?
/ BoxJam: Sure...here you go... / [[Little BoxJam does not take the Lego, but instead gives BoxJam a withering look.]] / [[BoxJam with Ms. BoxJam, who's handing him a bag of trash.]]
/ BoxJam: I do not speak the tonal language of "Legos." http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20011119.html |
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