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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Mallethead and BoxJam are talking at the bar]]
/ Mallethead: Y'know...I can do splits...
/ BoxJam: No way...I don't believe it! / Mallethead: Yeah, I really can...
/ BoxJam: Well, I'm from Missouri...compromise me! / BoxJam: I mean show me... see, it's just that my wife and I were talking... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030414.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | B is for loser, the subject of the rhyme... / O is for trash, he takes out time after time... / X is for put upon, with head lasered through... / J is for surreal, like Snarky McGrue... / A is for sucky, the drawings he does... / M is for jerk, just 'cuz / [[BoxJam talking to the world]]
/ BoxJam: Couldn't you have at least made the 'J' be for 'jerk'?
/ World: Bite me. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030415.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam holds a large package.]]
/ BoxJam: Hey - I got that telecommuting startup kit!
/ Ms. BoxJam: You'll be home? I'm leaving! / [[BoxJam begins pulling stuff out of the package.]] / [[BoxJam stands next to a just-assembled 'Wait Here' sign and a standup Orange Guy cutout.]]
/ BoxJam (thinking): This is excellent! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030416.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are asleep in bed. BoxJam wakes up]]
/ BoxJam: WAUGH! My arm is so asleep it feels ilke a dead arm lying on me, and I can't make it move!
/ [[Ms. BoxJam is startled awake by this]] / BoxJam: Look! All I can do is flail it uncontrollably! One of these days I'll wake up and it'll be so dead, it'll never wake up! I'll lose my arm! Auugghh!!
/ [[Ms. BoxJam looks angry]] / BoxJam: Look at it just hanging there pathetically! Isn't it weird? Wait... now I'm getting some tingling- but it kind of hurts! Oh, the agony!
/ [[Ms. BoxJam covers her head with her pillow]] / BoxJam: OK, here we go...pumping it like this is kind of helping...that's not in your way, is it? It really helps.
/ [[Ms. BoxJam looks very mad]] / [[BoxJam has calmed down and is lying down, Ms. BoxJam looks mad]]
/ Ms. BoxJam (thinking): Well, officer, I just found him with his arm torn off and looking like somebody beat him to death with it...
/ BoxJam: That's better...oh no! my foot's starting to cramp up! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030417.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks along.]] / [[He pulls a bag of trash out of his pocket.]] / [[Ms. BoxJam walks by as BoxJam tries to look innocent, holding the bag of trash.]] / [[He stuffs the bag of trash into his pocket and keeps walking.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030418.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks along behind an anthropomorphized carrot]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030421.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is in line with some anthropomorphized vegetables]] / BoxJam: Errrm...pardon me...
/ Carrot: Yo. / BoxJam: Is this the line for prepaid registration or water aerobics?
/ Carrot: Sure is! / Green onion: This isn't orthotics!?
/ Carrot: Moved over by crisis counseling... / [[beat.]] / BoxJam: Chives, huh?
/ Carrot: Yeah... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030422.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [BoxJam facing Mrs. BoxJam]
/ BoxJam: This new muumuu's too big...
/ [Mrs. BoxJam draws scribbly line underneath BoxJam]
/ Mrs. BoxJam: Just tell people you're levitating. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030423.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is walking along with a bag of trash]] / [[Someone yells over to BoxJam from behind a hill]]
/ Person: BoxJam and his trash bag sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! / [[BoxJam puts the trash bag into the trash can, a tear running down his face]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030428.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam walk along.]] / [[They come face-to-face with a couple that looks identical to them.]] / [[They continue to walk.]]
/ BoxJam: Idiots.
/ Ms. BoxJam: Losers. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030429.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Boy, those ballplayers have some crazy nicknames, huh? I mean, Who's on first! / [[silence]] / [[silence]] / [[Ms. BoxJam eye-lasers a smoking hole in BoxJam's head.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030430.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam in a chef's hat; Ms. BoxJam as waitress]]
/ BoxJam: Order up! Gotcher toxic waste with a dead squirrel and his babies!
/ Ms. BoxJam: Now I need an autoerotic puke, 2 mangled sparrows and the horse they rode in on, sug... / BoxJam: Is the horse bloody, or stone-cold and fetid?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Bloody...and scabby, sug... / BoxJam (thinking): When you run a vegetarian greasy spoon, you have to work extra hard at your revolting diner slang! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030501.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks past Ms. BoxJam, who is reading a letter]] / [[Past her, he realizes something.]] / [[He goes back and leans into her neck.]] / [[She eyes him as he continues leaning in, eyes closed.]] / BoxJam: You smell like Camp Sequoyah! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030502.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam squats down to talk to Little BoxJam, who is writing at a school desk.]]
/ BoxJam: Here's how I remember what to do to prevent bear attacks: sing the groovin' 70's easy listening hit "Afternoon Delight"... / BoxJam (singing): Big green onions working up his appetite,
/ So cook it up but only use the chives that's right...
/ Mixing salt and sweet together make his nose turn bright,
/ Yet a pot of okra stew he won't find enticing... / [[Little BoxJam and BoxJam look at one another.]]
/ Little BoxJam: Remember that whole bunch of papers I got back where the teacher wrote "wholly irrelevant and inaccurate"?
/ BoxJam (singing): Well, every mink's a little clearer the more it weighs... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030505.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is walking, his head is normal. The rest of his body is a skeleton.]] / [[BoxJam stands near Ms. BoxJam who is taking the trash bag out of the bin.]]
/ BoxJam: Maybe that part of the song about chives only works with some species of bears...
/ Ms.BoxJam: Yeah, that must be it... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030506.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Why're you all dressed up?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Are you joshing, love? Today I'm going to the D.M.V.! / BoxJam (singing): On every licence is a date... A dream date to be sure... As I while away my time at the DMV sipping wine & eating caviar! / BoxJam (singing): The folks there are so friendly, refined & debonaire, It's a swingin' jivin' party so I'm dressed like Fred Astaire! / BoxJam (singing): When I have to leave them, it saddens me and how... so I extract a promise we'll repeat it four years from now! / Ms. BoxJam: What was that bit where you were looking between your legs?
/ BoxJam: The slightest hint of sarcasm... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030507.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam sits on a couch just staring at the TV, hand on remote.]] / [[A bear sits on BoxJam.]] / BoxJam (from underneath the bear): You're not some kind of metaphor, are you?
/ Bear: Nope. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030508.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I found a clown for 'Mina's party!
/ Ms. BoxJam: You? You hate clowns! / [[He hands her a business card.]]
/ BoxJam: This guy's OK - he helped me fix a flat on the way home.
/ Ms. BoxJam: Fix a flat. / BoxJam: Yeah...he knows lots about car repair, nutrition, emergency preparedness...says he can't stand all those silly clowns...
/ Ms. BoxJam (reading): "Pragma the Clown~ your rubber-meets-the-road take-charge freedom-loving prince of buffoonery with the 'can do!' attitude" / BoxJam: ...says he trained in Germany at the Deutschen Institute für Ha Ha Laffen...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Really. / {{I got this idea from the original "Little Engine that Could," which features a clown who assumes leadership of all the toys on the train, and was an expert in all things railroad. Still needs a punchline.}} http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030509.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Sign: Wait Here.
/ [[BoxJam stands by the sign.]] / BoxJam: Hey... how's it going ?
/ Orange Guy: Pretty good... Pretty good... / [[They both stand by the sign.]] / BoxJam (thinking): Sanctimonious bastard... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030512.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: This guy at the gym went into the locker room bathroom naked...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Don't people get naked in locker rooms? / Ms. BoxJam: Not the locker room, the locker room bathroom! He walked up to a urinal naked!
/ Ms. BoxJam: Don't you ever get naked in a bathroom? / BoxJam: Not a public bathroom! Aren't you weirded out by a naked person at a urinal?
/ Ms. BoxJam: We don't have urinals... Why are you mad at me? / [[BoxJam is momentarily speechless.]] / BoxJam: It's just not done! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030513.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A group of dads, including BoxJam, are sitting on bleachers, apparently watching a little league game]]
/ Dad 1: C'mon Ky... Be a hitter!
/ Dad 2: Let's go!
/ Dad 3: Be like Flash!
/ BoxJam: Rockheads get it done! Woo! / Dad 1: The Flash? Your kid like "Justice League"?
/ Dad 2: Good eye, Kyle!
/ Dad 3: Yeah, The Flash is his favorite... He's a smart aleck...
/ BoxJam: Let's play both sides of the ball! / Dad 1: Nice cut, Kyle! They made Batman interesting too...
/ Dad 2: Just straighten that out! Yeah, the new "Justice League" isn't half bad...
/ Dad 3: "Both sides of the ball?"
/ BoxJam: Don't just be a hitter, be a ballplayer! I don't like the new one, because my favorite hero was Aquaman... / Dad 1: Aquaman? / Dad 1, 2, and 3: Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha / [[BoxJam is lying on the ground, pummeled]]
/ BoxJam (thinking): I probably shouldn't mention about the Wonder Twins, then... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030514.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Paige made a non-joke! Drink!
/ Mallethead: THE COUPLE TRIED TO TELL HILDI HER IDEA WAS AWFUL-DRINK!
/ BoxJam: Doug threw a hissy fit! Finish it! / Ms. BoxJam: "Trading Spaces" wasn't even on when you were in college... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030515.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam dances]] / [[BoxJam dances]] / [[BoxJam's dance is joined by two men]] / [[The three dance]] / BoxJam: Umm...Who are you guys?
/ Guy One: We live in the shed!
/ Guy Two: Is your wife home? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030516.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam, holding a shovel, speaks to Ms. BoxJam]]
/ BoxJam: I'm going to build a wine cellar...
/ Ms. BoxJam: That's a great idea! You can do it! / BoxJam: You believe in me!? Wait...who are you and what have you done with the real Ms. BoxJam? / [[Ms. BoxJam looks askance]] / [[She begins removing her mask]] / [[The anthropomorphized earth stands before BoxJam, holding a Ms. BoxJam mask]]
/ BoxJam: Anthropomorphization of the World - it was you! -- But...you believe in me?
/ Anthropomorphization of the World: I just wanted to laugh at your failure. Jerk. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030519.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Kids don't appreciate school...
/ Ms. BoxJam: No, they don't. / BoxJam: They should make kids work from age five to ten, then they'll get how wonderful school is!
/ Ms. BoxJam: You'd have to change some laws. / BoxJam: They'd understand how nice it is to just have to learn for six hours a day with summers off!
/ Ms. BoxJam: There are laws... / [[BoxJam, Ms. BoxJam and child stand in front of a building.]]
/ Sign on Building: BoxJam's Child Laber Daycare *We Pay You*
/ Ms. BoxJam: I'm pretty sure there are laws...
/ {{When you see 'Mrs.', how do you know if it's 'Mistress' or the plural of 'Mr.' ?}} http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030520.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Title: Today's guest artist is Mark Rothko / [[Empty panel ever so slightly a different shade of blue than normal]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030521.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Heading: Today's guest artist is Jeffrey Koons.]] / [[BoxJam appears with a flower, and Jeffrey Koons is looking at him. The art is static for the three panels.]]
/ BoxJam: Today's guest artist is Jeffrey Koons, and - hey, waitaminit! I look exactly the same!
/ Jeffrey Koons: No, you have a flower in your ear... / BoxJam: You just photocopied a BoxJam and dropped on a clipart flower blossom!
/ Jeffrey Koons: It's an ironic statement about banality, not an outright theft... / BoxJam: If I wasn't stuck in this pose I'd kill you!
/ Jeffrey Koons: ...and I'd get it photographed and sell it for 5.6 million... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030522.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Caption: Today's guest artist is Robert Mapplethorpe.]]
/ [[BoxJam is collared on a leash held by Mallethead.]] / BoxJam: How come you get the leash end of the choke chain?
/ Mallethead: I secured the grant from the NEA. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030523.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A transparent figure appears at the foot of the bed where Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam are sleeping.]]
/ Ghost: BoxJam...
/ BoxJam (sleepily): Dad? / BoxJam: Dad! I've taken up the family business! I'm in comedy! / Ghost: You're not talking about that stupid comic strip, are you? / BoxJam: Dad! It's really you! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030526.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam in bed]]
/ Ms. BoxJam (waking): ...MMMF?...
/ BoxJam: Honey... my dad visited me! / Ms. BoxJam: Your dad? You never met him - how do you know?
/ BoxJam: I've seen pictures - it was him! / Ms. BoxJam: I think you were hallucinating...you haven't been sleeping well... / [[Ms. BoxJam is back asleep]]
/ Disembodied voice: ...You people make me sick... / BoxJam: It was him! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030527.html |
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